Abby Anderson Angst - Tumblr Posts

hi!! could you write something domestic/fluffy with abby? maybe something like her or reader cooking breakfast for the two of them and the other waking up and just admiring the cute little domestic life they have 🙈 idk i’m a sucker for shit like that 🫶

a/n: i’m getting through the asks in my inbox as fast as i can promise! also i'm currently writing my first big abby fic so... stay tuned babes

the first thing abby notices when she wakes up is the empty spot beside her. she stretches her arm out, feeling the cold side of the bed where you usually lay. it's rare that you wake up before her, abby usually has time to go on her daily run, come home and start showering before you drag yourself out of your shared bed.

sitting up and picking up the clothes that had hastily been thrown on the floor yesterday, abby starts smiling at the memory of the previous night's activities. she had taken you out to a nice restaurant to celebrate your anniversary, she had wined and dined your ass as you put it, and when she took you home you were more than happy to show her how grateful you were for the romantic night out.

walking out of the bedroom, following the delicious smell of something cooking, abby's mind replayed the way you kissed her last night. the way you looked at her, that love and adoration in your eyes, the way your soft lips felt on hers.

the smile on her face grew even bigger when she finally got to the kitchen, seeing you next to the stove, flipping pancakes. you're wearing one of her t-shirts, the material hanging off your shoulders.

for a few seconds, abby just watches you. leaning against the doorframe. she's soaking it all in- you, cooking in your shared kitchen, in your shared apartment, in her clothes. it's almost as if time has stopped outside of your little home together, it's like it's just the two of you in the entire world. just by looking at you, abby has been consumed with a warm, happy and calm feeling.

in a little bit, abby will break out of her trance and walk up you, wrap her arms around your waist and rest her chin on your shoulder. you'll greet her with a soft "mornin' abby" and lean back into her touch. you'll ask her to get some plates, she'll give your exposed shoulder a kiss and open the cabinets.

and when you finally get to sit down to eat your breakfast, she'll mumble a thank you for the pancakes before stuffing her face. youäll just smile softly at her before happily replying; "anything for my girl"

your beautiful blurb made me want to make strawberry jam with abby 😔💌

ugh cause imagine going on one of those strawberry ranches where you pay to pick strawberries for an hour or two and bring home, a cute little date idea you suggest a few weeks ago. on the ride back home you insist that abby must learn your secret jam recipe (which is actually a super basic recipe you found years ago on google, but you’ve perfected it at this point so it’s kinda yours)

anyways, abby stands beside you while you show her how to do it and is more than happy to be the one removing all the foam while the jam is boiling on the stove. when it’s finished she carefully pours it into the jar you prepared, and when it’s cooled off and she does a taste test she only grins at you before letting out a soft “have a taste babe, it’s perfect”

can you imagine abby melting when reader whisper "home" while being held by her strong arms after a long stressful day 😞

a/n: my heart anon you don’t understand what putting this scenario in my head is doing to me, also this became so, so much longer than i thought it would. sorry not sorry

it never gets easy.

no amount of training and no amount of assignments you’ve completed will ever make it easy. you’ve been doing this for a while, and you’re still haunted by memories. you have the physical strength to fight, that’s not the issue, all those hours in the gym while training has paid off.

the feeling of nausea at the smell of blood, the shiver that runs down your spine every time you take someone out during a mission, just never goes away.

until now you had been holding onto the hope that one day you’d be too desensitised to be affected anymore. one day, killing people- scars, scavengers, hell, even infected, would be easy. you would no longer spend hours scrubbing away that dirty feeling all over your skin after a kill.

oh, how naive of me.

it hits you as you head towards your room. you’ve always been aware deep inside that this violence and the murder will never feel right, you’ll never be able to swallow the distaste down, but now you have accepted it. and accepting it is heavy, it hurts, burns, weighs you down.

maybe, it was the scar kid that made you realise it. she had been running towards you blind with rage, and you had shot an arrow right at her without hesitation. maybe, it was the fact that as she laid dead in front of you she reminded you of someone you lost. or maybe, it was the fact that she was so young.

killing a kid will never be easy.

at some point, you turn away from the corridor in which your room is in. you can’t be alone anymore. your entire body feels cold, and your hands are shaking. the past years it’s like you’ve numbed your discomfort at least to an extent, hiding behind the naive thinking that it would become easier at some point.

now you’ve faced the cold truth, and there’s nothing you can hide behind anymore.

when your fists hit the door and you wait for her to come open, the unsettling realisation has grown into a heavy and dark hole inside of you. you could swear it almost burns, and it completely overwhelms you.

it doesn’t feel like you’re here. or anywhere, really. it will never be easy. so you’re just supposed to do this shit till you’re dead, no matter how much it wears you down.

without even noticing it yourself, your heart is pounding in your chest and you’re hyperventilating. the black hole inside of you continues to grow bigger, until it feels like it will consume you.

when the door is slammed open you almost don’t notice. it’s abby’s voice that takes you out of it, that grounds you in reality again. the hole inside your chest is still there, but it stopped growing. her presence makes a warmth slowly spread throughout you, the cold feeling disappearing.

“hey, you okay?” she’s reaching out her arm, placing her hand on your shoulder. concern is written all over her face, but you can’t bring yourself to reply.

all you can do is wrap your arms around her, pressing your face against her collarbone. she’s unmoving for a second, before engulfing you in a hug as well. her warmth consumes you, forces the hole inside of you to shrink and shrink, until it’s almost unnoticeable. almost.

she tries to ask you again, tries to ask what happens. asks you if you need something, all you do is shake your head. you already have all you need right here in between your arms.

“home.” it’s whispered against abby’s shirt, said so casually and soft. home is safety, comfort. home is your safe space, home is where you’re protected. so how could any other place than her arms be called your home?

if you only could see abby’s face, her eyes filled with adoration. you swear she hugs you a little tighter, leans into your touch a little bit more and you feel the featherlight touch of her lips on the top of your head.

yeah, it doesn’t get easier. but you have abby, and maybe that’s all you need.

abby be like: hey! ( with the intention of staring at the stars together <3 )

aaaaah! i feel abby would try to ask you out for a stargazing date, chicken out and squeak out a “as friends” while blushing (like anyone’s gonna believe that)

she picks you up that night and oh my god, you look amazing. you’re wearing one of her favourite dresses and you got the hoodie she let you borrow a few weeks ago. you’re quick to clarify she’s not getting it back yet (ever) and you’re just bringing it with you in case it’s cold. how is she gonna make it through this da- totally platonic hangout between two friends?

abby would probably die if she ever admitted this, but she picked up a book about constellations at the library before even asking you out. the plan was to learn some cool constellation and space facts, woo you with her star knowledge and win your heart.

at first she’s nervous, the blush not leaving her cheeks and she keeps on stuttering. it’s a little bit embarrassing, but you love it. it’s nice to see her a little bit flustered once in a while, and it’s even more nice to see her blush on your date together (because once again, like anyone would believe she’s only asking you out as a friend)

time passes by quickly, and even though you got your hoodie on now it’s still getting really cold. of course abby notices you shivering, moving closer to you on the blanket y’all have been laying on.

you’re so close now that your hands are basically touching and if you both just turn your heads slightly abby thinks your lips are close enough to kiss.

a few moments of silence before you let out a breathy “hey abby?” and she turns her entire body towards you, now laying on her side, before letting out a soft “hmm?”

abby barely has time to register that you’ve now also turned over before you kiss her. it’s barely a kiss, more of a peck, and the position you’re both laying in is slightly awkward. but abby doesn’t even think about that, instead all she can focus on is the fact that you just kissed her.

you lean back and look at her lips, then her eyes, then her lips again. “i like you.” you say it so easily and it knocks the wind out of abby’s lungs. “not just as a friend” you add, and your tone is slightly teasing.

abby gives you a small smile before going in for a real kiss this time.

what if ellie and abby r sisters? reader is a close friend of ellie, ellie has invited her and dina over for a girls' night and that's when reader meets abby for the first time, in their kitchen. abby who shows up in just her bra and sweatpants low on her hips...... ....

(eng is not my first language sorry for typos or any mistake omg😞😞)

a/n: your english is amazing so don't worry! also never feel the need to say sorry for typos or your english in any way, because english isn't my first language <33

you didn't know ellie had a sister.

you were sitting on the counter and laughing at something stupid ellie just said. and dina was your designated bartender for tonight, she had been mixing some drinks together for the three of you all night.

the plan was to have a long night of drinks, movies, and some face masks- cause you know, self-care and all that. it was ellie's suggestion to celebrate exam season finally being over, and you were more than happy to join in on the fun.

you had just popped a grape in your mouth when you were surprised to hear a door being opened somewhere in the house. "i thought it was just us here?" the question was directed at ellie, and she had shook her head in annoyance before answering.

"jus' my stupid sister" and just as you were supposed to yell out; "since when do you have a sister?" someone came into the kitchen.

when you laid your eyes on her, you honestly choked on your own saliva. not only does ellie have a sister, ellie has a hot sister. she was standing in the doorway, grey sweatpants on and a sports bra. her biceps are huge, and when you finally managed to drag your eyes to meet hers, she smirks at you.

"thought i told you to stay in your room, abby. i got friends over if you can't tell" ellie had gruffed before she leaned back onto the counter right next to where you were sitting. if you had been able to pay attention to any other than the woman in the doorway, you'd see the way dina had smiled at you knowingly.

"relax, just fillin' my water bottle."

when you heard her voice you almost creamed yourself. seriously, she said one sentence and you're just melting into a puddle. where had this abby girl been all your life?

the kitchen suddenly fell silent as abby got some more water. your eyes had been trained on her back, watching the way her muscles flexed as she moved. when she had walked out of the kitchen, she took one last glance at you all over her shoulders. "bye, ellies friends!"

the kitchen had stayed silent for a little bit more, the only sound being dina finishing some more drinks. the moment you heard the door somewhere in the hose close, you turned your upper body to ellie.

"hey els?"

"yeah?" she wasn't really paying attention, she had been busy eating the grapes from the tray next to you. your next words had ellie spluttering a quick "fuck off" and dina laughing loudly while giving you your glass.

"please tell me your sister's gay"

thinking about reader who’s been flirting with clueless abby since they first became friends, only to run into abby and owen in a bar on a night out.

he’s way too close to her for your liking, bumping into her shoulders and leaning into her, whispering something in her ear with a stupid smirk. abby’s awkward when she introduces the two of you to each other. judging by the cold look and strained smile he gives you, owen isn’t a big fan of you either.

you end up staying with abby and her friends for a while, pushing down the jealousy bubbling inside of you. you knew abby was a little bit oblivious, but surely she must have realised your efforts to flirt with her. she has to have, right?

abby’s friend, manny, mumbles something about him and owen having to get up early in the morning and they both start heading out the door. manny has, unlike owen, been real nice to you all day. trying to include you in the conversations, asking you questions about yourself.

he even gives you a quick goodbye hug before leaving, yeah, manny is a really nice dude. owen, on the other hand, is not a nice dude. he just gives you a glance before turning to abby. he's pulling on her arm and muttering something, you can't tell what it is but judging by abby's scrunched-up eyebrows she doesn't like what he's saying

when she shakes her head at him, he finally takes a step back and takes a quick look over his shoulder. when you meet his eyes it feels like you won something, because there's an undeniable look of defeat plastered over his face. his shoulders are slumped over, and finally, he takes his jacket and leaves with manny.

"so, you're staying here?" abby looks up at you and gives you a coy smile before letting out a soft; "yeah, i'm staying here with you. why?"

the fact that she said "with you" and not just "i'm staying" is enough to make the original annoyance of running into abby with owen to disappear, and instead you're giddy. "just thought you'd go home with your boyfriend." you try to fake nonchalance, shrugging your shoulders before bringing your glass to your lips.

abby just looks at you with a confused look, eyebrows furrowed and her lips pulled into a pout before the realisation dawns on her. "oh, owen? he's not my boyfriend" and she gives you this smile, as if she's finally caught on what you've actually been getting on this entire time.

"good." is all you say, before taking a step closer to her. abby bites her lips and her smile has grown even bigger. "good?" she laughs while saying it, the combination of alcohol and her oh-so-beautiful laughter making a warm, fuzzy feeling take over you.

"yeah, good."

in love with the idea of cuddling under a bunch of soft blankets and fluffy duvets with abby ☹️

it’s snowing outside your window. the floor of the cabin is cold underneath your feet, even with your fuzzy socks on. staring out of the window, looking at the soft snowflakes slowly falling to the ground.

you can hear abby finishing up the dishes in the kitchen, and you can’t help but smile. it was your turn to cook tonight, which meant it was her turn to clean up afterwards but little does abby known you’ve been taking advantage of the fact that she’s busy cleaning up after you.

because you’ve been setting up your bed all cozy. getting all the blankets and comforters you have, fluffing up the pillows real nice.

imagine abby’s face when she walks into the bedroom. at first her eyes are looking around in the room, trying to locate you. when she sees you next to the window, looking at the snow falling outside she just smiles.

it’s when she’s silently walking up to you that she notices the bed. you’ve changed all the bed sheets, filled the bed with blankets and a few more comforter, placed the pillows perfectly in the middle.

“this all for me?” she asks from behind you, reaching out to circle her strong arms around you. abby can feel you relax against her and she presses a soft kiss against your neck.

“yeah, wanted to do somethin’ nice for you” you mumble, still having your eyes on the snowy outdoors.

“my girl is too nice for me, you’re going to spoil me…” she whispers against your skin before pressing another soft kiss against your neck. slowly removing her arms from around you, she instead takes your hand carefully and starts leading you to the soft bed.

it doesn’t take long for your cold feet to heat up under the covers, and having abby’s warm body against yours certainly helps. you lay there with her, the only thing being heard in the quiet cabin your soft whispers to each other.

abby loves that type of fuck session when her and pretty gf cuddle after they fuck and get horny and fuck again 💙

hell yeah, she does! imagine coming down from your high, having abby hold you in her lap and kissing your forehead. your legs are slightly shaking, and the only sound that can be heard in the room is your heavy breathing.

abby’s upper body is pressed against yours, and there’s something oddly comforting with feeling her sweaty and warm skin against yours. you drag your arms upwards and wrap them around her back carefully, playing with strands of her hair. abby’s arms are snakes around your waist and she’s now pressing kisses all over your face.

finally, her lips end up on yours. the kiss is slow and soft, and doesn’t end until both of you have to break apart to breathe. just the sight of abby’s wet lips is enough to have your mind wandering and you can’t help it but kiss her once again. this time more intensely, and with a deep desire behind it.

the only thing that can be heard in the room is the sounds of the kiss. abby’s hands start gripping onto your waist harder, and she even lets out a whimper against your lips. you can’t help but move your hips in search of friction at her sounds, and when abby lets out a small moan you take the chance and slip your tongue into her mouth.

abby’s lips are intoxicating, you’re not sure how long you stay there just kissing and slightly moving your hips on top of her. eventually, you pull away. abby tries to move with you, trying to continue the kiss. the sound of her whining at the loss of your lips makes you weak.

“abby, i just-“ she interrupts you with another kiss, trying to deepen it before you force yourself to pull away to finish your sentence. “need to taste you, please?”

what style do you think modern abby dina and ellie would have? ♡♡♡♡

i honestly think ellie would have the same style that she has in tlou2. flannels and a little bit of a grandpa style (thinking about her rocking joel’s jacket) kind off… sunky core y’know. always uses converse no matter the season, has a pair of black headphones she takes with her everywhere with a bunch of stickers on. she wears a lot of rings and bracelets, and she has a signature necklace with joel’s old guitar pick. i think she’d like green a lot, and her room would be be filled with plants and those plastic plant vines you can hang on your wall/from your roof. nerdy posters all over her walls, with planets and dinosaurs and nerd stuff. starts getting patchwork tattoos as she gets older, many of them designed by herself, a few professional and a few stick’n’pokes.

as for dina i headcanon her as someone who would be enrolled in a billion different dance classes so she uses clothes that she can dance in, and that looks good dancing in. i think dina wears a lot of darker shades of red, and that she likes to wear long flowy skirts. i also see dina with a lot of piercings in her ears. she can keep earrings in while dancing, and they’re more comfortable to dance with than the most necklaces and bracelets. also think she’d like floral patterns and stuff on her clothes. also think dina would keep her hair down more often, and every once in a while she’d show up with some crazy coloured highlights in her hair. hot pink, blue, hell she even tried green once. in general she likes colours and don’t like dressing too plain.

abby is a total gym rat. mostly wears vintage/plain t-shirts that show of her biceps, likes to wear cargo pants or sweatpants. when it’s warm abby wears knee length gym shorts or jorts. abby always has her airpods in wherever she goes. mostly wear her hair in a braid or ponytail cause it’s easier when playing sports or working out. has a varsity jacket (obviously she plays whatever sport the university she goes to is the best at, volleyball, basketball, american football, football.) abby is a nike girl everyday of the week, and strictly wears airforce ones when she isn’t in the gym or on the (insert sport here)’s field. rarely wears jewellery because she would have to take them out all the time for her sport, but does have one earring on each ear . i can see her with very simple gold studs that her dad got her years ago. will walk around with her girlfriends scrunchie on the wrist at all times

thinking about being abby’s best friend and absolutely hating owen. you don’t think he deserves abby at all, he’s such a douche. he’s just not good enough for her, that’s it.

it’s totally not because you’ve been hopelessly in love with your best friend for the past five years. nope, it’s cause she could do so much better than that. owen is an idiot. he’s not her boyfriend yet, but they’re definitely past the talking-stage now. just a matter of time before they make it official.

when abby shows up at your front door for your weekly sleepover, snacks in hand and her bag hanging off her shoulders, you push your thoughts about owen to the back of your mind and focus on her instead. focus on abby, focus, focus, focus.

when you’re both laying on your bed, watching some old romcom on your computer, you don’t notice the way abby looks at you. you’re fully focused on the screen, but abby’s eyes never leave your face. it’s not until she reaches over the pause the movie you look up, and the look in her eyes is enough to have you blushing.

“hey…” abby nibbles on her lip before continuing; “is something wrong?” there’s a concern in her voice, and she looks genuinely worried. you stay silent for a few more seconds while your eyes dart around her face. you hope, hope she doesn’t notice the way your eyes linger on her lips.

“what do you mean?” you’re playing dumb now, you know she’s not really talking about tonight. you’ve been acting weird lately, avoiding your friend group and when you do actually spend time with them you don’t really talk too much anymore.

but how can you tell abby it’s cause her stupid boyfriend is there and you hate his guts? that something is wrong, and that is that she’s with him and not with someone like you.

“c’mon, something’s off. you can tell me, we’re friends right?” and abby bumps her shoulder into yours, and nibbles on on her lips again. just hearing the word friends is enough to make the feeling of disappointment spread in your chest. letting out a defeated; “yeah, we’re friends.”

abby just keeps on looking at you, waiting for an explanation why you’ve been weird. you can tell she’s not going to drop it so eventually you cave in. “just don’t do wanna get in the way, or like i don’t want to… third wheel? just don’t wanna…”

it’s a lousy excuse. really, how can you be the third wheel when manny’s always there? you’re like, the fourth wheel.

you feel a little bit embarrassed when looking at abby, but she just seems confused. “who you third wheeling?”

“uh, you and owen?” now you’re the one confused. who else could you possibly be talking about? are you missing something, or has abby been hit by a sudden wave on amnesia?

the embarrassment you felt earlier just grows stronger when abby starts laughing at you. it’s not a mean laughter, more like a surprised one. still stings though.

“me and owen aren’t- we’re not together or anything.” abby just leans her face closer to yours, and you can practically feel her breath on your own lips.

a bitter “yet” is all you let out and abby can’t help but smile at the pout on your face. she lets out a breathy laugh, bumping into your shoulder once again. “oh my god, me and owen are not going to get together. ever.”

“but i thought-“ and before you can finish your sentence, abby interrupts you. “i’m not even into owen like that. i like someone else” abby’s words has you speechless, feeling your cheeks heat up in frustration. so it’s not owen that you need to worry about, but someone else. great.

somehow it felt worse that it was someone else. because owen has always been a douche. it’s easier to compete against an asshole like him than someone who’s actually nice, and funny, and pretty. three boxes that this mysterious crush probably ticked off.

“what? who?” your hands are on her shoulders now, and you playfully shake her. abby just smiles mockingly at you before she presses the space bar on your computer, the movie you had forgotten about how playing again.

“hey! you gotta tell me, we’re like best friends, best friends tell each other everything” you wince after speaking, cause you don’t tell her everything. guilting abby into telling you about this crush when you haven’t told her about your crush feels low, but it’s too late now. your words are left hanging in the air, until abby suddenly starts speaking again.

“okay, okay. i actually thought she knew i liked her, been into her since forever.” she completely lost you the moment she said “she” instead of “he”. ever since you two first became friends all abby ever had eyes for were boys. and you had learnt to be fine with that, knowing that she would never look at you like she looked at those guys.

you didn’t know if it made you happy to hear this, if it felt good knowing you had more of a chance with her than you initially believed. it did feel a little bit like you were playing in the same league now that you knew she had eyes for women as well.

but you knew that there was no guarantee that she one day would reciprocate your feelings just because she liked women. it felt bittersweet, and lost in your thoughts you didn’t even notice abby had stopped talking. slowly, she closed your laptop completely and moved it further away from you two.

when she moved in front of you and into a sitting position, you finally snapped out of it. sitting up as well, trying to play the way you zoned off. “sorry, you were saying?”

“i said, i thought she knew. that i liked her. but i’m not sure anymore” it almost felt as if she was teasing you, with her head leaning to the side and that small playful smile on her lips.

“really? why’s that?” clearing your throat, trying to make yourself sound casual and cool. abby leans forward a little bit, and whispers as if she’s telling you her biggest secret. “she keeps on inviting me to her apartment for weekly movie dates. but i’m starting to suspect that she thinks they’re friendly hangouts and not dates”

if there’s one thing abby anderson has always been good at, it’s making you speechless. tonight is no exception, and if honestly takes you a good minute to manage to get any words out.

“oh my god, abby! you’re totally fucking with me!” it does feel a little bit humiliating, but obviously abby doesn’t know you like her like that. so how would she be able to know about the hurt her joke left you with?

“no, i’m not!” all she does is laugh at you, grabbing onto your shoulders before letting out a soft; “it’s you. i like you”

and before you know it, abby presses her lips against yours. it’s a soft and quick kiss, innocent and pure, but it’s enough to make butterflies spread through your body.

”wait- why, why didn’t you tell me earlier?” it’s hard to get the sentence out, all you can focus on is the way abby’s staring at your lips.

“like i said, thought you knew. until you started getting so jealous over owen” and you open your mouth to deny the accusations before you realise there’s no point. also, abby likes you back. who cares if she knows you were jealous of owen? “even manny knew, said he could see it in my eyes and all. didn’t realise you’d be so oblivious-“

“abby, just shut up and kiss me again.” and abby grins at you one last time before leaning in, your lips so close they’re almost touching. she mumbles something against your mouth before pressing another kiss, this one much longer and less soft.

“yes, ma’am”

omg abby fingering herself thinking about her sister's friend face down on the bed, full weight on top of her as she take the strap from behind while being called pretty??? 😔❤️‍🩹 stay strong abby! you'll get there someday

a/n: rewritten and done!

she should feel guilty. she really should. this entire thing is not ethical in any way.

but this feels way too good to be thinking about what’s right and what’s wrong. no, all abby can think about is how good her fingers feels inside of her, and what she would do to you if you were here. here in her bed, in her arms.

it’s embarrassing how worked up abby already is. her skin is damp and warm, and she’s already clenching around her two fingers. this is really your fault, you’re the one who has her this worked up.

it’s all your fault, your sweet voice, your pretty face and how flustered you get around her. abby loves how easy it is to make you crumble, she just loves your little school girl crush on her.

you drive abby fucking crazy, and she wishes you were here right now. she’d start with pulling you into her lap, sliding her hands down your body. she’d press a few kisses on your neck before working the buttons on your jeans.

just the thought of getting to slip her hands down your pants is enough to have abby moaning. she thanks her lucky star she’s all alone in the house, ellie sleeping over at dina’s, joel visiting tommy and maria.

abby thinks about how she’d get you real wet with her fingers, maybe even get a taste. “oh fuck” slips past her lips, and she works her fingers faster. she can feel her high coming, fast. if she wasn’t alone, abby would probably have been more embarrassed.

abby thinks about the blue strap hidden in her closet, thinks about what she’d do to you with it. imagines you pushed down onto the sheets, ass up. she knows she wouldn’t be able to resist teasing you, rubbing the toy against your lips without slipping it in for real. she’d wait till you were begging, begging for her.

“oh my god, yes” abby’s getting more and more breathy, and the muscles in her stomach are tightening. it’s the thought of your face as you cum on her silicone cock, that gets her there. she can see the way your eyebrows would scrunch up, your mouth would fall into an silent “o”.

abby thinks about the way you’d clench on the toy, how your toes would curl. she thinks about how she’d continue to fuck the toy into you even after you’ve reached your high, how she’d bend down and press her chest against your back.

abby feels her cum run down her hand as she lets out a fucking whimper. she thinks about how you’d moan her name as she whispers into your ear, how pretty her girl is for her.

god the Abby and ellie being sisters blurb has me biting the tip of my finger pleaseee write more 🙏

— minors dni

you should be embarrassed, really.

should be embarrassed by how desperate you are, how pathetic you’re behaving. ellie’s already told you you’re being weird, telling you to stop ogling her idiot sister. says it makes her wanna barf, and she still refuses to tell you if her abby’s gay.

refuses to tell you if you have a chance with her sister. but that doesn’t stop you, still taking every chance you get to get close to abby.

hanging out at ellie’s more often just to get a glimpse of her sister. you know you should be embarrassed, cause you’re acting like a lovestruck little teen. not only are you basically occupying your friend’s home, but you’re getting ready for hours on hours, and making sure you look your best, just in case abby’s there when you arrive.

even though you know you should be embarrassed, you just can’t. all you feel is excitement, and you’re so intrigued by the your friend’s older sister that any shame or embarrassment has been thrown out a long time ago.

abby barely knows your name, and yet you’re fawning over her like this. you should be embarrassed, but you can’t.

another girls’ night at ellie’s ends up with dina and ellie both fast asleep halfway through your movie marathon. you on the other hand, is still wide awake. tossing and turning in the couch, trying to finally fall asleep like your two friends cuddled up next to you.

but trying to go to sleep is pointless. and you know why.

abby wasn’t home, but just being in her house was enough to keep you on edge. you can’t stop thinking about the last time you saw her, how she walked out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel tightly wrapped around her.

you always thought she looked good, but nothing could measure to the way she looked that day. she had let her hair loose, which made sense- she just came out off the shower after all, and her biceps. oh god, the way her arms looked. skin still a little bit wet, her muscles glistening.

the worst part though?

when abby noticed you shamelessly checking her out, she gave you a quick nod and smirked at you. and you can’t help but wonder if she understands the power she holds over you.

giving up trying to fall asleep, you get up and start heading to the kitchen. just thinking about abby in that towel is enough to make your mouth dry, and you need a glass of water right now.

rummaging trough the cabinet in the dark, not even having bothered to turn the lights, your mind is still stuck on abby. it’s just not that she’s hot, but she’s really cool. ellie had accidentally let it slip that she was going to one of abby’s hockey games, before quickly adding an unconvincing “just ‘cause joel’s making me though.”

abby played for the university hockey team, and she was really good at it. stalking through her socials showed that she was an appreciated member of her team, always getting praise on her posts after big games.

lost in your thoughts, you don’t hear the front door opening and the thumping of someone’s footsteps. it’s not until the lights are flickered on that you react, and you almost let out a scream in surprise.

“relax, it’s just me” and of course, it’s abby who’s standing in the door frame. you’re getting flashbacks to the first time you ever met her, and as she walks towards you the smell of her perfume fills your nostrils. just keep it together, be normal.

she’s standing close and looking at you with such confidence you almost melt at her feet. abby surprises you when she says your name, before letting out a soft; “ellie’s friend, right?”

you didn’t think she knew your name, but it makes sense. ellie probably mentions you (and dina’s) name more often than you think, considering that you’re the only people she really hangs out with.

realising you’ve taken too long to respond, you just nod quietly. you can’t take your eyes of hers, feeling frozen now that you finally get her to yourself. it’s now the embarrassment creeps up on you, because you’re just so fucking awkward. giving yourself a mental slap, you try to muster up the courage to say something, but abby is faster than you.

“is ellie asleep already?” the question makes you a little bit confused, but you guess she’s curious as to why the house is so quiet and you’re up all alone. squeaking out a “yes”, your heart leaps when abby takes another step towards you.

she flashes that smirk that makes you weak in the knees, leaning her head to the side and licking her lips before whispering “good.”

abby saying "my sweet baby" 🥰🥴🥺 "my pretty girl" 🥺🥴😩🥵 "my love" 🥰🥴🥺😇🙈😩 "my perfect little angel" 🥵😩🥴🥴🥰💦💦

— minors dni!

she doesn’t realise what it does to you at first. key words, at first.

it’s not until she’s working her fingers into you while muttering praises of; “look at my pretty girl” and “that feel good, my sweet baby”. abby feels the way you tighten around her digits, and when the whimper you let out reaches her ears she groans.

it makes her move her fingers faster, makes her curl them and slightly widen the two fingers inside of you. the plan was to take it slow tonight, abby wanted to romance you with a home cooked dinner, woo you with some slow and sensual music and then take you to bed and make love to you.

but all that is thrown out the window now. all abby can think about is to make you cum as fast as possible, to get you ready for the strap that’s laying in a box underneath the bed. it doesn’t take long, and abby is grateful for that, her patience was wearing thin already.

she knows you’re getting there, she recognises the way your expression changes and the breathless whispers of her name. when she starts to whisper, you’re done for. coming undone her fingers as her oh so sweet voice spreads throughout the room.

“yeah, you like that? being my pretty girl?”

i need comphet!abby to see me for the first time and then immediately start questioning her sexuality🤞🏼

a/n: i fucking love comphet!abby, thank you for this anon. also i’m exhausted from my exam and will be making an early night, night night peeps

abby always thought that love was as far away from what the movies painted it out to be that it could possibly be.

that love at first at sight, when everything turned into slow motion and some cheesy music started playing in the background- or even that feeling of always being filled with butterflies.

she never felt that way with owen. no, what she had with owen was nothing like that. nothing like this.

abby had been walking down the hallway of campus, on the way to the gym, when she suddenly bumped into someone. her eyes had been set on her phone, and she hasn’t paid attention to where she was going.

in the middle of trying to apologise to whoever she just fucking knocked to the floor, her words had died out on her tongue when she looked up at you.

it had felt like one of those movies, when everything halted down to slow motion and abby swore she had started hearing the soft sounds of a piano playing in the background. when you squeaked out a “sorry” it was like you shot an arrow through her heart.

god, you’re cute. and beautiful.

she blames it on the fact that you’re just too pretty, she’s human after all and all humans appreciate beauty. abby won’t realise why she felt that way until much later on, long after she’s helped you pick up your stuff scattered all over the floor, after she asks for your number since she just wants more friends on campus.

it’s not until you’ve sparked up a friendship that it dawns on her, that the movies were right about love. she just hadn’t been looking on the right direction.

i’ve been doing some thinking about comphet!abby specifically when she first realised that there’s a small possibility that she likes you more than a friend.

it all started when owen and her fell apart. abby can’t bring herself to put the blame on owen for breaking up with her. knowing that ever since she started hanging out with you she hadn’t been trying anymore. not really spending that much time with him anymore, and whenever they did hang out she was always kind of in her own world.

when he confronted her, abby couldn’t bring herself to even try to save the relationship. she just didn’t care. when owen had asked her why, why they never seem to spend any time with each other, abby only muttered a soft “i’m sorry.”

she couldn’t tell him what she was really thinking. that her first response to his question had been something so… she couldn’t tell him her thoughts, she felt rude and dismissive, and abby cared about him too much owen to hurt him more than she had already done.

he has only pinched the bridge of his nose in response before continuing to speak. “this- this isn’t working, abbs. no dates, no i love yous anymore, no sex for god knows how long.” he was surprisingly calm, even though he was visibly frustrated he didn’t raise his voice once. it felt odd, this owen who was standing in front of her.

“this isn’t a relationship anymore. maybe it’s time we go back to what we used to be, and what we did best.” abby looks at him, her eyes cold and uncaring. she knows what’s coming, but can’t bring herself to fight for this relationship. instead she feels glad.

“maybe we should just be friends.” and god, abby doesn’t think she’s ever agreed with him more on anything.

on the way to your apartment, abby’s replaying the conversation she had with owen. she knows you’re waiting for her with ice cream and some of those sappy movies you love so much, the breakup cure as you called it.

she texted you the moment owen left her home, and you seemed to have taken her text as a need to be comforted. who could blame you though?

that would be normal right, to need comfort after you just got dumped by your boyfriend?

but abby doesn’t feel the need to be comforted. all she feels is relief. she doesn’t know why, maybe she was relieved that he did it so she wasn’t forced to. and maybe she texted you instead of her best friend manny because… she doesn’t know why she texted you, instead of someone else.

when she makes it up the stairs in your building, she replays owen’s question and her thoughts at the moment one last time. she just can’t make sense of it, why she would ever think that after he asked her the question.

“why? why don’t you ever hang out with me anymore?”

why? why would i when i have her?

im actually pulling out my hair because of the abby & ellie being sisters fanfic, I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS???

abby has you wrapped around her finger.

you had sneaked into the living room a few hours before sunrise, luckily ellie and dina were both fast asleep still. you felt exhausted, but trying to sleep seemed impossible. instead, you tossed and turned on your side of the couch until you could hear the morning birds outside the big living room window.

ellie woke up before dina did. you could see the way she carefully slipped out of dina's arms before sitting up, stretching her arms before letting out a yawn. when she saw that you were awake, she blushed for a second, realising that you must have seen the way she was cuddled up to your dear friend on the couch.

the blush disappeared quickly though when ellie took a look at you and muttered "well, you look like shit." scoffing at her bluntness, typically ellie, you decided to keep quiet. because what could you say? sorry, haven't slept 'cause your sister kept me occupied half the night and then i couldn't stop thinking about her for the other half.

you'd rather not get attacked with a pillow this early in the morning. or even worse, have ellie stomp over to abby's room and create some kind of scene.

you would not want to be in the same house as her when she sees the bruises on abby's neck.

it doesn't take too long for dina to wake up as well, and before she can drop a comment similar to ellie, you quickly say "had trouble sleeping" while waving your hand dismissively. the way dina gives you a knowing smile takes you by surprise, but there's no time to question it as ellie is already heading towards the kitchen.

following her, you're filled with memories of the previous night. meeting abby in the kitchen felt like an answer to your prayer. it seemed to be impossible to get her to yourself, without the interference of ellie, without making it too obvious you were trying to get her alone.

her confident attitude made you weak in the knees, and when the word "good" had slipped past her lips you were sure you'd be melting into a puddle on the floor any minute.

maybe you should have been more embarrassed at how easy it was for abby to make you putty in her arms, but it's difficult to feel embarrassed when all you can think about is how good she made you feel last night. it's really hard to feel embarrassed when all you can think about is how she took you to her bedroom.

when you sit down to eat breakfast with the girls, you're completely zoned out. ellie doesn't pay you any mind however, busy rambling on to dina about the latest issue of that science magazine she's always reading.

sipping on the glass of juice in silence, it's almost as if you're back in abby's room again. you can almost feel her hand around your wrist again as you reminisce how she pulled you towards her bedroom door.

"what?" abby's soft voice had pulled you out of your thoughts. "nothing, i just- it's exactly like i expected it to be." giving her a small smile, abby's lips pulling into her signature smirk.

"you've been imagining how my bedroom looks?" her tone was teasing, but that had not stopped your cheeks from heating up. standing awkwardly in the opening of the room, the way abby had sat down on the edge of her bed and slightly spread her legs had made your heart quicken in your chest.

"why don't you close the door and come over here? thought we could have a little chat..." and the look in her eyes, the way she had looked you up and down as if she was ready to eat you, made it clear that she wasn't actually planning on just talking. so with that, you had closed the door behind you and made your way over to her.

"are you even listening?" ellie's raspy voice breaks you out of your trance, and it's only now you realise that both she and dina are done with their breakfast. "you gotta' hurry up, jesse is picking us up soon."

"yeah, yeah. i'll finish this quickly." stuffing your face with the food in front of you, you don't pay any mind to the sound of a door further down the hall opening. it's not until you hear the familiar voice of abby, greeting ellie with a "hey loser", that you look up.

at first, ellie only grunts something in response. when abby turns around, milk jug in hand, she truly gets her little sister's attention.

"hey, what's that on your neck?"

you should write about how the reader gets mad at abby and tells her she dont want nothing to do with her and gives her back all her shit and abby is just like “oh okay, whos hoodie is that? i want it back, and the shirt under i bought that for you. i think the whole outfit” which leads to something ykykykykk ☮️

it’s immature.

it’s immature, childish and stupid, but after your last fight, you can’t bring yourself to care. you’re fed up with abby and her antics, and on top of that, you’re angry.

you’re angry with her attitude and how she seemingly doesn’t really care about your relationship. she’s always been flaky, cancelling dates last minutes and not showing up to important things- well, things that are important to you.

abby is a busy woman, she always has been. you’re also busy, but you still manage to make it to her stuff. the only time you’ve missed a game of hers is that time you had the flu, and you even show up to training sessions that are extra important to you.

but abby doesn’t do that for you. there’s always something that she just can’t miss, and it has started to feel like you’re at the bottom of her priority-list.

it was an ongoing issue in the relationship, and something you needed to deal with, but you still expected her to show this once. not even abby was clueless to not know how important your birthday was.

when she didn’t show up at the restaurant, you had waited at first. checking the time every five minutes, giving her the benefit of the doubt until the feeling of embarrassment became too much.

you tried to call her, just once. when she didn’t pick up, you took your jacket and left. the way the staff had looked at you in pity only made the feeling deep in your stomach grow.

just like you expected, it takes two days of radio silence from your side for her to come crawling to your front door. you know this all too well, she’ll be pounding on your door with that guilty look on her face.

never even apologies before she uses your hidden spare key to open the door, then she’ll slip into whatever room your hiding in. press a kiss onto your cheek, and it’s like nothing ever happened.

not this time though. you’ve dumped all of her stuff in your hallway, and you’ve just been waiting to hear the sound of her car pull up next to your home, just waiting for her to use the spare key, just waiting for her to see the boxes with all her stuff in.

you can hear the door being unlocked, hear the front door open and you certainly hear abby’s exclaim of; “what the fuck?” all the way into your bedroom.

it’s immature and childish, but it’s working.

it has abby stomping into your bedroom, with furrowed eyebrows and a hand on her hip. you know you’re being immature, but still you feign nonchalance and look down on your phone. act busy, act busy, act busy.

“why is all that shit in the hallway?”

“your shit.”

“what?”

“it’s your shit. your shit is in the hallway, abby.” the tension in the room becomes thick, and it seems that abby now can feel it too. you see the way she shifts her weight around on her feet, the way she opens her mouth only to close it again.

“are you fucking serious?” her lips are pressed into a thin line, and she’s moving towards you with unsure steps.

you can’t help but let out a sigh, leaning back on your elbows on the bed. “yes, i’m fucking serious.”

“why is all my shit packed up then? can you tell me that?”

this all feels bittersweet, ‘cause abby is right where you wanted her, she’s getting angry and upset and that means she’s feeling exactly how she made you feel.

but the fact that she can’t see it, can’t see what pushed you to put all her belongings left behind in your apartment in those cardboard boxes makes you feel worse. why can’t she just see how bad she’s been treating you?

“your shit is in the hallway ‘cause i’m sick of you. i’m sick of your shit, abby.” you’re noticeable upset now, the pitch of your voice going up as you speak.

the room becomes silent, and god, the way abby looks at you is almost enough to make you feel guilty. almost. she looks like a kicked puppy, she nervously takes a step back and you see the way her lip trembles.

“are you- are you breaking up with me?”

her question is met with silence. if you speak now, you won’t be able to stop the tears from flowing. it’s too much, and you’re afraid that you’ll let her win. that one more look at her sad expression will have you apologising and pressing a kiss to her forehead, then going back to your normal lives as if this never happened.

you’re not looking at her anymore, your eyes instead trained on your lap. if you were looking at her, you would be able to see how abby’s expression was changing from her sad, sad puppy look into an angry, aggravated one.

when she says your name, you almost wince. it’s dripping with anger, and it hurts. ‘cause abby has never said your name like this before.

“if you’re just going to fucking dump me, i want all my shit back.” now that catches your attention, looking up in confusion. before you can open your mouth, point out the fact that all her shit is already packed, abby’s voice booms out again.

”like that fucking shirt for example, oh, and the hoodie. yeah, you know the fucking one.” she’s storming over to your closet, ripping it open, and rummaging around. you know which hoodie she means, and you feel heat creeping up your neck.

it’s the hoodie you stole from her a few months into your relationship. abby let you keep it ‘cause wearing it helped you sleep when she wasn’t there, making it feel like she was physically there with you in the bed.

“fuck you, abby.” you’re standing up in anger now, hands clammy. it’s her time to be immature, childish and stupid.

“oh now you decide to speak up. so, will you tell me what the fuck is up with you?” when abby is met with silence, she barks out a menacing laugh. “okay, then give me my fucking shit back. now.”

your eyes are burning, and you’re desperate to do something back. so, you pull abby’s shirt, the shirt you’ve been wearing, off your body and throw it at her. “here, happy now?”

she looks shocked for a few seconds before a taunting smile appears on her lips. she's raising her hand and pointing her finger at you, taking one, two, steps forward and saying something. you can't make it out, too busy staring at how her lips move.

it's the adrenaline from arguing, that must be it. that must be what pushes you to take a step towards her, and suddenly you're pressing your lips against hers. or was it abby that pushed hers against yours?

everything after that is a blur. abby brings her hands to your face, holding your face in between the rough palms of her hands. she walks you backwards until your legs hit the edge of the bed. when you sit down, abby pulls away. if you weren't so far gone, you'd be embarrassed by the whine you let out at the loss of her lips.

abby stands between your knees, moving her head to your ear. you use all your energy to focus on her voice, to try to hear what she's whispering against the side of your face.

“i’m not going to- not going to give it you” she’s panting in your ear, and all you can do is whine in frustration as you try to grind your hips, seeking relief. “you’re not getting anything. not until you fucking talk to me, you get that?”

moving your hand to the button of your pants and grunting out a “fine, i’ll just do it myself.” you almost except abby to try to stop you, for her to just cave in.

instead, she leans back and gives you a teasing smile. “fine, get off on your own. you know it won’t feel as good as me though, right?”

and you hate how she’s right, but you can’t let her know that. so, in a haste you shimmy your way out of your pants and move your hand towards your underwear.

the way abby’s eyes follow your movements with lust makes you feel good, powerful. for a few seconds, you forget why you’re here in front of her on the edge of the bed. forget about the look of anger and hatred a few moments ago. you almost even forget the way she made you feel at the restaurant, that humiliation.

the spell breaks when you hear abby’s voice again, her voice brings you back to reality.

“what are you waiting for?”

clearly, abby wants a show. so you’ll give her a show. slowly pulling your panties off your body, letting them fall down onto the floor next to her. the way abby’s eyes fixate on your cunt spreads confidence throughout you.

slowly moving your hands from your bra clad chest, relishing in the way abby looks at you, the way she bites her lips while looking at you.

you’re teasing her, moving one of your hands to the back of your back and unclasping your bra. the bra gets thrown to the side of the bed, and abby lets out a breathy sigh at the sight of your naked chest.

the way abby is still completely dressed in front of you, still standing in between your legs, while you’re completely undressed sends a wave of pleasure throughout your body.

you’re now fed up with your own teasing, moving your hands from your upper body downwards until you reach the space in between your thighs. abby’s eyes almost roll to the back of her head when you slip a finger inside of you, the sight making her weak in the knees.

leaning your head back in pleasure as you slowly start moving the digit, you quickly realise it’s not enough.

so, instead you try using two fingers. moving them in and out of you at a slow pace, you almost don’t notice it when abby suddenly sits down on the floor, on her knees, eye level with your pussy.

when she grabs the hand you got between your legs, you huff out an annoyed “what?”. she’s just sitting there, completely quiet, before she eventually says “fuck it” and before you can question her she dives right in.

abby’s tongue feels heavenly, she knows you well enough to bring you pleasure quickly. her nose is bumping into your clit, and you can’t help but let out a pathetic moan at the feeling.

the way her eyes are hazed over with desire is enough to make you grind up against her face, desperate for more. you swear, you swear, you see abby move one of her hands down to her own crotch. you crane your neck to try to get a better view of it, and when you do you can’t help but let out a whine of her name.

she moans against your slick, and works her tongue faster. when she moves her face slightly upwards and suck on your clit, you reach your peak. heart beating fast in your chest, completely out of breath, you feel how abby moves away from you.

before you can feel disappointed by her distance, she sits on the bed and pull you upwards, further from the edge.

still fully clothed she lays beside you, who’s still coming down from your high. you’re too gone to think about the way she lays besides you, the way she moves her arm and tries to carefully hold you.

the room is silent once again, but the thick tension seems to have melted away and instead there’s something else in the air, something neither abby or you can quite put your finger on.

“can you please talk to me about it now?”

there’s a beat of silence, and it makes abby nervous. you don’t look at her, instead you close your eyes. after a few seconds, you cuddle into her side and whisper a quiet “tomorrow”.

i-i have this thing for reader gettin injured badly in front of abby like. abby turning around to smile at her and reader being shot at the same time (but not dying) just very heavy angst with abby's heart being destroyed

sorry for the silly thought but i had to share it!!

a/n: not a silly thought, i love this prompt!! also here’s some angst for y’all, not really in the headspace for writing smut tonight:P

abby always thought that someone getting hurt on her watch was the worst thing that could ever happen.

the guilt, that unbearable guilt, the guilt she knew would come after if she ever were to let that happen. no, it was her responsibility to look after her partners, and abby would never let something like that happen. she couldn’t let something like that happen. being one of isaac's top soldiers came with many responsibilities, one of them being always protecting the other wolf members.

someone else getting hurt on her watch meant that she had not only failed her partner but also isaac, and abby would never do that. could never let isaac down, never disappoint him after everything he’s done. no, she just couldn’t.

this night however, abby realises that she was wrong. it wasn't someone getting hurt on her watch that would be the worst thing, but you getting hurt on her watch. she

can feel how her heart rips in two, she can swear she almost hears her heart breaking as you gasp out a sound of surprise as you’re hit. when she hears your cries of pain, she doesn't once think about how she's failed isaac, or how she’s failed a fellow soldier. no, all she can think about is you.

there's a panic clawing inside of her chest, and her hands are clammy. her heart is beating fast, adrenaline is pumping through her veins. she needs to get you back before it’s too late, needs to save you before you’re too far gone.

it's her fault, she knows it. there is no one to blame except herself. she had been the one to convince you to come out with her, she hadn’t cared that it was dark.

all she could think about was showing you the field of wildflowers she had found the other day out on patrol. abby wonders how someone like her, who’s always thinking about safety, safety, safety, could let this happen. how someone who’s been trained like her could let this happen.

she shouldn’t have let you out of her sight. now, you’re laying in her arms, struck by an arrow some fucking scar or something must have shot at you. it doesn’t matter though, abby’s already made sure they’re dead.

she’s never pulled out a gun faster in her life, but at least you’re safe now. they can’t try to hurt you again, and can’t hurt abby before she gets you back to safety.

she can tell you’re in pain, and your groans only make the heavy feeling of guilt inside her stomach grow.

tonight, abby has been forced to face her worst nightmare. you’re hurt, you got hurt on her watch, and if she had just used her brain a little bit more you wouldn’t be in her arms, on the verge of unconsciousness.

she’s trying to get you to stay awake, but it’s hard to focus on maintaining a conversation with you while running as fast as she can with you in her arms. she’s pleading to something, someone, that you’ll make it.

seeing you hurt is enough painful as it is, abby doesn’t know what she’s do if you’d actually die.

when she finally gets there, she doesn’t even think about how disappointed isaac will be when he hears about this. doesn’t think about how she’s letting everyone down as the supposed top soldier, all she can think about is getting to someone who can help.

everything after that becomes a blur. abby’s moving on autopilot, and the heavy feeling of guilt inside of her doesn’t go away even after you’re taken in for medical care. in fact, it only grows as abby is left completely alone with her thoughts as she waits.

she wonders what you’ll say if you wake up. when you wake up. wonders if you’ll look at her differently, if you’ll look at her with disappointment. she fears you’ll be disappointed she couldn’t protect you, couldn’t do her fucking job.

it feels like hours, almost days, until someone comes and gets her. when they first walk up to her, she fears they’re here to tell her bad news. abby fears her worst nightmare has really come true.

luckily, you’re okay. you’re okay. even if abby let you down, didn’t do her job, failed you, you’re okay. and suddenly, it feels slightly easier to breathe. the sense of guilt doesn’t go away though, only grows more and more as she follows the doctor into the room you’re staying in.

she expects you to be angry with her. abby thinks she’s gonna be met with your angry scowl when the door is slowly opened and she catches sight of you in the beat down hospital bed.

but she’s not. she’s met with a tired smile, and a raspy whisper of her name.

her first reaction is shock, and she just stands in the doorway frozen. she’s just gone through the worst experience ever, and it takes a while for her brain to fully grasp the fact that it’s over. you’re okay. you’re here in front of her, and you don’t seem disappointed in her. the feeling of guilt inside abby becomes smaller.

it’s not until you try sit up, and gasp out in pain, that abby becomes able to move out of her spot. before you can blink, she’s moved across the small room and is standing next to you. grasping your hand and telling you to please stay still, your body needs rest.

you try to grip her hand, but she can tell you’re still not completely fine. your body is tired, it’s in pain, and you need to rest. “you- you scared the shit out of me out there, you know that?”

when the side of your mouth pulls into a small lopsided smile, abby feels the heavy feeling inside of her become even smaller. it’s still there, but doesn’t feel as consuming as before.

her eyes are darting across your face, searching for some sign of disappointment. worried that you’re just hiding how much she let you down by letting that fucking idiot hurt you, worried you’ll lash out any minute on her for not doing her job.

but there’s no sign of disappointment, or even anger. looking past how exhausted you seem, you actually just look happy to see her.

“thanks for saving me, abbs.” your voice is still slightly raspy, and abby uses her thumb to stroke on the skin of your hand. she doesn’t say anything, only giving you a hint of a smile back, but the heavy feeling in her stomach has grown even smaller now.

it’s weird. the worst thing abby could have ever imagined happened tonight. but you’re okay now, and even if her guilt is still there and might always be, it’s smaller. it’s manageable. abby tries to breathe in and out, make sure her voice doesn’t wobble before she speaks.

“try and get some sleep, i’ll stay here with you.”

tolerate it

pairing: older/modern abby anderson x reader

warnings: angsty angsty shit, cursing, abby kinda sucks

a/n: she has risen🙏🙏 on god i wrote this in like 2ish days because i’ve been obsessed with taylor swifts tolerate it so that’s what this is based off of <3 if it’s bad don’t tell me okay bye enjoy

wc: 4.6k :p

The unopened wine bottle placed in front of you seems to be taunting you at your loneliness, and the fancy glasses you pulled out from the highest shelf collect dust the longer they sit, empty as the day you got them. The dinner you prepared on the plate across from you sits untouched, the steam completely dissipated. You’re met with silence as you finish the last bite of your food, a part of you still hoping to hear the sound of the study door opening. A moment passes as you consider leaving the food out at the table for her but you decide to take it to her yourself. With a careful push on the table, you stand up with your plate in hand and begin putting the dishes you used while cooking into the sink.

The moon glows in the sky during the time you spend cleaning up, the window over the sink giving you the perfect view to see how late it's gotten. A quick glance at the clock above your stove tells you it's half past nine now. You grab the towel off of the hook next to the sink and use it to wipe your hands after loading the dishwasher. Lastly, you put the leftovers from dinner into the fridge and put the wine up in the cabinet along with the empty glasses. Carefully, you grab the full plate of food and make your way over to the intimidating door across from the kitchen. The sound of you knocking fills the otherwise mute home and after you wait a good moment, you think she might be ignoring you.

Just as you go to walk away, you hear a, “Come in,” from the other side of the door. The knob turns as you twist your hand around it, trying to balance the plate of food in your other hand. There Abby sits, hunched over her large dark oak desk, reading what seems to be a thick packet of paperwork she has to go over for a client. Her hair is pulled back into her signature braid, a few loose strands have fallen, outlining her frowning face. She has yet to change out of her work clothes, though she's lost the tie you recognize from gifting it to her on Christmas the year before, seeing it tossed carelessly on the ground next to her desk. You watch as her eyes scan the documents with her head down in concentration, leaving no room for any distractions, including you as you notice she has yet to acknowledge you. After watching her work in silence for a few minutes, you clear your throat in hopes she will finally take note that you are standing there. At the sudden disruption, your favorite pair of eyes flicker up to where you stay standing with a warm smile, holding out the dinner you prepared for her. 

Without a second beat, her eyes fell back down on the papers in front of her, muttering out, “M’not hungry.”  The smile adorning your face falls. A quiet sigh escapes your lips, and you walk to the left of her desk, placing the plate next to the documents that seem to captivate all of her attention. Her eyes stay locked onto the papers, even as you stand near. You see the tie out of your peripheral and you go to grab it, hearing the sound of keyboard keys clicking from beside you. When you look back at her, she's now busy typing away on the laptop she takes from home to work. The silence is deafening, other than the constant clicks of the keyboard.

Trying to fill the quiet void, you ask, “Are we still going to Nora’s tomorrow for dinner?” You receive no response other than the constant typing that you begin to grow tired of. A minute passes of your heavy stare analyzing the way she manages to effortlessly ignore your presence. 

You try again, “Abs?” No answer, once again. The familiar burning in your eyes that you've grown accustomed to these past few weeks start up again but you fight to hold back the tears of frustration from her dismissive behavior. 

“Abby…” you nearly beg once more for her to at least look up at you. 

Suddenly, the constant clattering of her fingertips on the keyboard stops, being replaced by the sound of her sighing dramatically. Her right hand comes up to wipe her face in annoyance before she turns to where you stand at her left. 

“What, y/n? I’m busy.” she says, tiredly looking across your cowering form. Her eyes drop down to where you play with her tie in your hands before she meets your stare. 

“I asked if we are still going to Nora’s for dinner tomorrow,” you quietly say, not wanting to worsen her already bad mood. Her eyes go back to her computer, starting up that annoying typing again. “I’ll take us when I get home from work.” You nod, though you know she isn’t paying attention.

Turning to leave, you pause, “Are you coming to bed soon?” She nods before stopping her typing once again to look up at you, “Don’t wait up.” You sigh, nodding again with a forced smile, leaving her to her work. You carry yourself upstairs to your shared bedroom, changing into your sleep clothes. You glance at the dresser she keeps her night clothes in, deciding to lay a pair out for her. The pajamas lay on her side of the bed as you get under the thick duvet you bought with Abby when you first moved in. Even the blanket can’t hide the coldness you feel without having her next to you. The familiar burn returns, not being able to hold back anymore. You silently cry, missing your Abby who used to never let you go to sleep alone. The same Abby who would never miss one of your homemade dinners. Most importantly, your Abby who would never take you for granted. The tears flow until you feel yourself slowly drifting to sleep, the bed still half-full. 

— — — — — 

When you wake up the next morning, you feel as cold as the night before. Wiping the sleep and dried tears from your eyes, you turn to where Abby slept, only to find her side empty. The pair of sleep clothes sits untouched in the spot you left them. You immediately go to her study once you get out of bed, finding her in the same hunched over spot you last saw her in. 

Unlike how you left her, she’s fallen asleep with her head in the palm of her hand, the stack of paperwork as her cushion. You watch as she breathes in and out, though a bit struggled with the way she is bent over her desk. Her hair is as messy as ever, blonde wisps strung across her freckled face. Somehow she manages to make sleeping on a desk the most peaceful sight.

Quietly, you tiptoe your way to her side, just like the night before. You carefully reach over, placing your hand on her shoulder to lightly shake her awake. “Abs… wake up hun,” you whisper out to her, your other hand coming up to comb back the hair from her face. She groans at the intrusion on her sleep before she slowly opens her blue orbs. For a moment, she seems as at peace as she was before you woke her, however it’s gone in a flash and she’s shaking your hands off of her. 

“Fuck, I gotta get ready,” she says, voice still deep from her sleep. You watch her quickly but neatly stuff her paperwork into her work bag and then dart out of the room. Walking after her, you hear the sound of heavy footsteps running upstairs, which you assume means she is going to get ready for work. You decide to make her a quick coffee to help her wake up from what you presume was a long night. The sound of the clock ticking fills the silent kitchen as you wait for the coffee to finish brewing. 

Just as it gets finished, you hear those same heavy footsteps rushing down the stairs.

“Abs, wait up!” you say and quickly grab the cup of coffee to give it to her before she leaves. By the time you step out of the kitchen, the front door slams shut with an echo throughout the house. You stand there, facing the front door with a coffee in hand and no one to give it to. 

The walk back to the kitchen is just as gut wrenching as the sound of the front door slamming. Not having the energy to deal with what’s left of your sweet gesture, you leave the full cup of coffee on the counter and go back to divulge in your sorrow in the comfort of your bed. 

— — — — — 

Across the room from you Abby sits at Nora’s living room couch, surrounded by her friends and coworkers. Manny, Owen, and Mel sit on the long couch while Abby and Jessica sit on the smaller couch. She’s laughing at something Jessica tells her. Her eyes are lit up in a way you haven’t seen in weeks. 

You stay standing at the entrance to the kitchen with Nora, your favorite of Abby’s friends. When Abby first brought you around her people, Nora was the most friendly and accepting of you. It always intimidated you, coming to these parties with people who are so much older than you, but Nora always made the time pass a lot better. 

“How have you been?” Nora asks suddenly, eyeing the way your gaze hasn't left Abby and Jessica the whole time you've been there. You part ways with the two on the couch and turn your attention to your kind friend.

“I’ve been good!” you say, mustering up a smile to sell your awful attempt at lying. 

Nora sees right through it. You can tell because she casts a quick glance at Abby and then to you with a look that says ‘seriously?’ Her knowing look has you dropping the eye contact, instead choosing to focus on the way your drink swirls around in the solo cup Nora made for you earlier that night. You can’t accumulate the right words to say, choosing to sigh out instead. All of the sudden, Nora’s pulling you into the kitchen, where no one can hear the two of you. 

“You wanna tell me what’s really been going on? I can tell something is off between you two,” she states with her hand coming up to rest on your shoulder in an attempt to console you. With a shake of your head, you try to laugh it off.

“Nothing is going on, Nora! Abby has been the best and I’m so grateful for everything she has done for me. Sure, she's been busy with work recently but that doesn’t mean we aren’t okay!” you respond, though you’re sure she can see past your semi-lie just as she did before. I mean, it is somewhat true. Abby HAS been extremely busy with work, but you two definitely aren’t okay.

 “Okay…” Nora pauses in thought for a moment, analyzing the smile you’re forcing and what you’ve told her. “Well I’m always here if you ever want to talk about anything, alright?” You nod your head in response, giving her a genuine smile this time. In the living room, you hear a loud commotion of yells and congratulations being thrown around. Nora nods her head in the direction of the sound, signaling you follow her into the living room. When you emerge from the kitchen, you see people surrounding Abby, giving her their congratulations and highfives. But your eyes latch onto the way Jessica is now leaned into Abby’s side, hugging her a little too intimately in your opinion. 

“What’s going on guys?” Nora asks, venturing into the swarm of people. The sound of her voice draws everyone’s attention to her, though, you stay back, watching the scene unfold. 

Manny is the first one to say, “Abby got a big promotion!” Nora is quick to congratulate her like everyone else, and the room erupts into bustling conversation. 

You continued to hang back, a little hurt that Abby didn’t tell you about the promotion, but you cut it up to that she just wanted to wait to tell everyone together. 

That is, until you hear Jessica’s agonizing voice say aloud, “She was so happy when the boss let her know, she came straight to me and told me!” 

The chatter didn’t stop but it felt like your heart did. Your head felt cloudy as you watched Abby smile so big at the people around her, not even noticing you standing there, shocked as ever. Nora turns toward you with her eyes conveying all of the words she can’t say. Without a second thought, you dart toward the bathroom down the hallway.

The door locks behind you, leaving you to try to catch your breath from the ache that resonates in your chest. You haven't realized you've started crying until you see the tears dropping into the sink you’re hunched over. Shaky hands reach up in an attempt at wiping the wetness from under your eyes but it's no use, the tears never ending. You meet your reflection in the mirror, the girl staring back at you not someone you can even recognize anymore. She is a girl who has been reduced to watching the person she loves from the sidelines. The girl who used to be the first person her lover would call with good news, cast to the side. The question is, how much more of this heartache can she bare before she fully breaks?

— — — — — 

The car ride home is silent, no words spoken between the two of you, only the sound of the engine fills the void. You’re turned towards the window, staring out into the stars that glow in the sky. You notice from the corner of your eye that she keeps glancing at you, but she's yet to say a word. By now, the tears from before have dried up, leaving your puffy eyes and smudged mascara in its wake. As the streets pass by, you try to calculate how much longer until you’re home, so you can bundle up in your bed and sleep the night away.

The sound of Abby clearing her throat knocks you out of your thoughts, casting your gaze in her direction. One hand is on the wheel and the other rests on the middle console between you two, she continues to glance back and forth between you and the road, asking, “Did you have fun?”

Your eyes cut back to the window while responding with a “Mhm.” You hear Abby sigh out, now turning into your neighborhood. The sound of your foot tapping fills the car, anticipating getting out of this confined space with her. 

As she pulls into the driveway she says, “Well, are you going to congratulate me on my promotion?” You scoff in return, whipping back to where she sits as she puts the car in park. 

“I’m sure Jessica has done enough congratulating for the both of us,” you reply, getting out of the car with a slam of the door. Not long after, you hear the driver's door slam as well and heavy footsteps walking up to follow you up on the porch. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asks, with a defensive tone in her words. You shake your head, unlocking the front door, your back still facing her. Once the door is unlocked, you rush inside to remove your shoes at the entryway. 

As you lean down to untie your shoes, a hand is placed on your shoulder, pulling you around to face her. Abby stands with her arms crossed in front of her chest, eyebrow furrowed in accusation, “What are you trying to say?” Yet again, you shake your head in disbelief. 

“You tell me, Abby. I mean, Jessica was the first to know about the big news and you didn’t even bother to tell me before we went to the party,” you gasp out at her ignorance. It’s her turn to shake her head as she reaches up to rub her temple as if what you’re saying is making her head hurt.

“Jessica is one of my closest friends and coworkers, y/n. Of course I told her first,” she sighs out, meeting your intense gaze once again. Your eyes nearly bulge out of your skull at her words.

“Over your girlfriend of three years?” She looks down at your reply. You scoff once again, “Well I can certainly see what’s been keeping you at work for so long these past few weeks.” 

Something snaps in her at that moment. Her head whips up, the signature braid following suit. You watch at the way her eyebrows furrow even further and her lips come up in a snarl in accordance to the accusation. She walks closer to you, now standing about a foot away so you have to look up to meet the anger she holds in her eyes. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” she grits out, losing all composure she previously had. “I work my ass off for you all fucking day and you have the audacity to accuse me of cheating on you? Have you lost your fucking mind?” 

You shrink under her angry gaze, dropping your head to stare at your feet. Your shoe half-untied, and her boot clad feet contrast each other greatly. Suddenly, your trance is disrupted by the snap of her fingers. 

“No,” she mutters, “Fucking look at me.” 

Slowly, you lift your head up to meet her glare, hands beginning to shake. The weight in your chest returns and the cloudiness you felt earlier in your head reappears. You feel the quicken of your heartbeat in your chest at the way she looks at you, no love in sight.

“God forbid I have one night of relaxation with my friends and here you are bitching to me about it,” she says, her hostile tone bringing tears to your eyes. You can’t hide them from her anymore, almost sobbing out. She shakes her head at you with the same glare. 

“Now you’re crying like I’m the bad guy. Jesus fucking christ, y/n,” her voice raises, “You fucking suffocate me, you know that?” The sound of your sobs increases causing her to turn away from you. Her hands run up and down her head, trying to distract herself from the sound of you crying. Your knees feel weak as your hurt grows stronger, falling to the ground. You reach your arms around your knees to pull yourself in a ball, feeling your heart ache worsen and worsen. You watch as Abby paces the room, not saying a word. 

“Abs, I’m sorr-,” you go to apologize but she cuts you off with a raise of her hand in your direction. She shakes her head once again, not meeting your gaze. 

“I don’t want to hear it,” she says, staring at the ground. Her braid hangs next to her face and you look on to see her wiping her own tears away. She straightens up after a moment and turns to the door. Grabbing her jacket, she says, “I’m gonna go. We’ll talk tomorrow.” And with that, she’s gone, leaving you to wallow away in your pain alone. 

— — — — — 

The sun peeks through the curtains, casting a warm glow across your skin. Your chest still aches from the night before and your head feels like it’s pounding. Abby's side of the bed is left untouched once again, no trace of the blonde coming home last night. The sight makes your heart grow heavier but you gather yourself to the bathroom to freshen up from your slumber. 

When you exit the bathroom, you can hear a quiet murmur from outside of the bedroom. You quietly trek to the door and lean into it, delicately pressing your ear to it so that you can hear the conversation. It’s Abby, she's on the phone with someone, you notice. 

“I know the luncheon is a big deal, Jess.” you hear her mumble. “I just have to deal with y/n before I leave.” With that, you dart away from the door as your breath grows heavier. A hand reaches up in an attempt to calm the pounding in your chest, though it does little to help. You’re not surprised that once again she’s choosing a work luncheon, or Jessica for that matter, over you. But you won’t sit around waiting for her to choose you anymore.

Once you’ve made up your mind, you rush to the closet you share with Abby, grabbing your suitcase and bringing it to the bed. You scramble around the room, gathering clothes and other important things, stuffing them without care into the suitcase. Remembering your tooth brush and other bathroom items, you hurry to the bathroom to grab those as well, wanting to be packed up by the time Abby comes to check on you. 

You finish frantically packing your travel bag and emerge from the bathroom to see Abby opening your bedroom door. She notices you standing there and lets out a small smile, analyzing your expression to try to see how you’re doing. 

“Hey sweetheart, you’re awak-” she cuts herself off as she watches you walk with your travel bag to the suitcase that lays open and packed on your shared bed. “W-what are you doing?” Her voice stutters, realizing exactly what you are doing but not wanting to say it.

“I’m leaving,” you state with no room left to argue. You can’t face her like this, knowing that if you did, she would have you falling down to your knees, begging for another chance. 

She laughs out almost like she thinks you’re playing a funny prank on her, but when she sees the stone cold expression painted across your delicate features, she knows it’s not a joke. You hear her slowly make her way to where you’re packing at the side of the bed, her breathing so loud that you can hear it from where you stand. 

“Baby, just let me-,” she goes to say, however you cut her off before she can finish with a raise of your hand, the same way she did to you last night.

“I don’t want to hear it, Abby.” you say, whipping your head to face her. “I’m sure you have more important things to take care of, like that luncheon ‘Jess’ was talking about.” Your words come out harsh but it‘s nothing compared to the way she spoke to you the night before. The look in her eyes shows regret and her own pain that your actions are causing her but you can’t bring yourself  to care as you turn back toward your suitcase to finish zipping it up. You lift the suitcase by the handle and drop it to the floor and begin to walk around her, suitcase in your trail. With each step you take, you hear her exhale shakier than the time before and once you reach the bedroom door, you hear her speak up.

“Can we please just talk about this, baby?” she whispers out to you, your hand pausing on the door. You turn back toward her to find her looking at you with a crestfallen expression, tears now dripping from the corners of her eyes. Her cheeks are stained red, in the way they usually are when she’s anxious from work, but now it’s because of you. You feel yourself begin to nod and you watch as her back straightens for a moment. 

“You know what? Yeah, let’s talk,” you say, turning back toward the door to drag your suitcase down to the living room. The sound of her familiar footsteps follow you, you sitting on the couch and her on the chair next to it. You find yourself in deep thought on what you want to say to her, wanting to show her what she’s put you through.. She sits, watching you quietly, anxiously waiting for you to speak first. Her hands run up and down her muscular thighs in an attempt to calm herself down. When you finally gather your thoughts, you pan back to her. Her eyes immediately lock on to yours, and there is a hopefulness in the way she stares back at you.

“You used to be the person who I could go to with all of my problems and you would find a way to make me feel better about them,” you start, watching as her head drops down to stare at the palms of her hands. “Baby-” she tries but you stop her, “Let me finish.” She looks back up at you, small tears forming in her eyes, but she nods nonetheless. 

“All of my pain from the past went away whenever you were near, but now it’s like I’m begging to just be in a small portion of your life.” you say, feeling the burning from your eyes start up. “I mean, you don’t even talk to me anymore, Abby.”

She shakes her head at the weight of your words. “I’m so sorry, y/n. I’ve been so busy with work and I guess I assumed you were fine.” At her words, she wraps her arms around her body, trying to console herself. You let out a small cry at that, reaching up to wipe your face. 

“Where did you think I was, Abby? When you were out there getting your big promotions and new clients, I was here, waiting for you to come home,” you remind her, tears blurring your vision. She’s now moved to holding her head in her hands, crying harder than before. “I’ve made you my everything, I cook your favorite meals and I clean up after you, but you make me feel like I’m taking up too much space. And when I do try to talk to you, you act as if I’m wasting your time.”

Once again, she's frantically shaking her head and turning her attention back to you. “No, baby, you are never a waste of time and I love when you’re around.” You watch as she falls down on her knees in front of you, begging for you to believe her. “Please, forgive me. I didn’t mean anything I said last night.”

“You take my love for granted, Abby.” you whisper to her, trying to hold back the sobs that are waiting to be unleashed. “I can’t live like this anymore. Not when it feels like you just tolerate my love for you.” 

She cries harder as you stand up from your seat on the couch and grab your suitcase. The walk to the front door is hard, trying to block out the sobs from behind you. You pause once you’ve made it and turn back towards her, finding her standing up in the same spot, watching you leave. 

You give one last request, “I love you so much, Abby, but until you prove to me that you appreciate me and want me in your life, I won’t be back.” Despite the tears streaming down your face, your expression remains firm and you mean every word you say. You watch as she nods her head and makes her way over to you. With a gentle touch, she lifts her strong hands to cup your face, placing a warm kiss on the top of your head. She tilts your head up to face her blue orbs, glistening with tears, and she says, “I promise I won’t stop until I have you back.”

You nod up at her as she releases her hold on your head, and you turn back to open the door. The crisp breeze hits you as soon as you step outside with your baggage and you turn back one last time.

“Goodbye, Abby.” you say, looking at the tears continuously pouring down her freckled cheeks. Her lips pick up in a small, sad smile as she says, “I’ll see you soon, y/n.” 

— — — — —

a/n: i hope you enjoyed even tho it’s sad lmao but i’m thinking about writing a part two where abby tries to get her back (or maybe something else :0) lmk if y’all liked it 🤞

𝐓𝐖𝐈𝐍 𝐒𝐈𝐙𝐄𝐃 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐒 | 𝐀.𝐀

𝐚𝐛𝐛𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 ✷ she hopes im cursed forever to sleep on a twin sized mattress never graduating up in size to add another 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1,1k ✷ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: religion, homophobia n’ nsfw content

abby feels owen’s hand on her waist like a brick to her chest weighting her body down, it wouldn’t take much for the drowning to begin but your face across the room was both oxygen and the final anchor of her demise. she weighed her options as their personifications stood before her, father smiling brightly at the happy couple unaware his own daughter forced her chirpiness while she yearned in the deepest aching to be swept off her feet by the girl just a few away– who now refused to face her much understandably. you cursed her for inviting you to their preppy engagement party, cursed her for multiple reasons more, yet your heels stuck to the ground like they clung for dear life anticipating a plot twist shaped by regret.

“excuse me” she finally croaked out mid conversation, the place where her fiancé’s hand once held onto now burning her skin like a rotting poison. she wished to bathe herself clean in the rain like a baptism, wished owen didn’t felt like sin tainting her body from being with you, her holiest of experiences, wished she had not known heaven between your legs so she may live on her life guiltless and not as someone who has felt blasphemously like a god herself. your fingers brush past eachother as she walks up behind you and fireworks bloom from your fingertips like lily flowers at spring. lillies, her favorite, your perfume.

you follow her to the bathroom, breath unsteady, and regardless of how long the affair has been happening no familiarity prepares you for the crash of her lips against yours as you twist the doorknob. sometimes you think these moments might make you understand her, to have abby anderson’s tongue exploring your mouth, hands by your neck to keep you still, perpetual apple cinnamon smell, was nothing short of a religious experience. perhaps that is what the church brought out in her, this same inextinguishable fire at the pit of your stomach with understanding of icarus and his hope for the sun. if all sins felt this sweet it did not seem so big of a sacrifice to die for them– you’d die for her if asked.

“abs, stop” you whisper once her lips are on your neck, long wet kisses all across the exposed skin warming up your body from the winter cold better than any cloth could have, she’s hungry, biting you down and her fruity scent doesn’t let the irony of forbidden fruit to die on you even as she hums in fake confusion allowing herself more time in her feast begging it to cloud your judgement as it almost does “abigail, we have to stop”

“don’t do this to me” she begs, voice cracking “please don’t leave me, you’ll take all the sunshine with you and it’s cold, it’s a cold winter i need your arms, your limbs, your body, my sunny girl-“

“you’re getting married, abs” you sigh with the exclamation, it seems nearly as though you’ve just reminded her of it like someone who forgot to turn off the oven before they had left the house, someone destined for burnt flames, your reality scares her into kneeling submission and you’re laughing because it looks like a proposal and it’s absurd, her hands gripping yours, her gaze doe-eyed and unconditional. you are missing a ring but you see hers, diamond, and the ache doesn’t easen.

“you are everything that i want…”

“then leave him, abby. don’t sit on the dirty bathroom floor of a venue for your engagement party and promise me a love you are too scared to give me, i can’t keep excusing your cowardice for the sake of sanity. take off that ring and walk out of here with me, we’ll figure it out, we’ll be happy together, your winter won’t be cold”

she pretends to take in your words, analyse them as if her nights haven’t been filled with scenarions and possibilities all of which there is pain unbearable. you’re searching her eyes with a hope unbeknownst to men and suddenly you feel the line between dream and desperation blurring itself into oblivion. abby lets go of your touch and slides the ring from her finger out onto it’s demise on the tiled floor. you think you won. you think god exists when she locks the door behind you and presses you against the wall, believe he had heard your prayers once her fingers dip between your thighs. when she’s thrusting inside you, you cry out for god instead of her name, moan louder at the sight of her wedding band far away on the ground, feel your walls clenching around her digits and her warm breath against your neck, she’s mumbling so many i love yous you barely notice how multiple sound like im sorrys.

with your hands curling around her loose hair she gets sloppy, deprived, wants you to tug on her and beg for her mouth without needing the plead to taste you and you do so eager it burns her scalp. she’s back on her knees and she thinks for a moment not admited this might be her holy repent. tugging on your jeans till their ultimate glide towards the floor, shes sucking on the wet patch of your underwear as a tease, letting her senses flood of lillies and pussy. she finally pushes it aside and dives in, godhood in the shape of your swollen clit grazing her teeth, you tilt your waist to give her further access and there are stars and angels behind your fluttered eyelids.

she calls your her sunny girl as you rain down her face in white honey, her muscles spread your legs further apart and suck it in till it has destroyed her makeup, part of her wishes to leave this bathroom and still smell of you, part of her is scared owen might kiss your heavens from her tongue and catch it all. she’s putting her ring back on at your climax, and you’re confused and heavy breathing. a sob clings to your throat.

abby tells you all she’s ever known is the cold. tells you girls like her are unworthy of the sun. tells you owen is waiting and maybe you should leave. she doesn’t tell you she thinks god isn’t real once you’ve turned your back because he would never have created something to purely magnetic to have it ripped from her hands, she does not tell you the only thing worth worshipping is the gap between your teeth, the crook of your neck and the dimple in your cheek, doesn’t tell you she thinks hell is this. but she almost does. she almost does. on your way out, you just sob and hope she’s cursed. hope god is angry. think god is her.

© dykells twentytwentythree