Aftercare (in Kink/bdsm)

Aftercare (in kink/bdsm)

What is aftercare?

Aftercare is what happens after any kind of play or sex (even vanilla!). Aftercare is not just a bdsm term, everyone should have aftercare. Aftercare is for everyone, subs and doms. It’s the act of taking care of your partner after a scene or sex in general. It can be physical or vocal, but is meant to support & soothe emotional and mental needs.

Why is aftercare important?

Aftercare is not only important but necessary after play. As a dom, aftercare is my favorite part of the dynamic. But, I have learned that a lot of subs don’t realize doms need aftercare too! Aftercare is reassurance for both parties. At the end of this post, there’s a list of aftercare ideas. To further explain, aftercare serves as a reminder that each party enjoyed the play that just happened and neither are harmed or uncomfortable! Both parties need to feel like they did good and that both people feel safe. This is not the time to have an in depth conversation about what just happened, though. Keep the conversation light but with your partners well-being in mind. This goes for online play too. Clean each other up (or if you’re like me— take the time to clean up your sweet baby and praise tf out of them). subs— tell your dom you enjoyed the play, you’re okay, or just a simple thank you. If you’re non-verbal during this: this next part will help!

How do I establish aftercare?

Not everyone enjoys the same kind of aftercare. Physical aftercare like kissing, applying lotion, cuddles, is sometimes very over stimulating for some people.

Verbal aftercare like reassurance, asking questions, asking a sub to speak directly after play can also people overwhelming for people who go non-verbal during and after play.

So how do you know what someone prefers? Talk to your partner! Even if it’s a one-off kind of thing, a FWB, a kink dynamic, or a romantic relationship discuss before hand what your partner prefers.

You can do this by starting a sentence with: “After play/sex I need _____” or “I feel better when you do _____ after play.” (There are many other ways to do this as well!)

What if I don’t like aftercare?

Again, there are many types of aftercare! you don’t like physical touch or conversation afterwards? hey! that’s okay! Aftercare should always include hydration of some kind and maybe a snack! There are so many different forms aftercare.

The necessities:

make sure both parties feel comfortable, safe, and supported

hydrate!! water or gatorade are both excellent choices (water is good for you & Gatorade replenishes electrolytes)

cleaning (leave the room a mess, but if your partner prefers their body to be clean then this can be done.)

communication of some kind

for harder scenes (ex. pain play, impact play, rope play, etc.) please check your partner for any signs of physical harm. have a first aid kit ready.

do your research, know your stuff. don’t participate in play you don’t fully understand or feel fully comfortable doing. have a complete understanding of aftercare and what the scenes you do will require afterwards.

never leave your partner alone after play

Aftercare ideas

There are far more than I am listing, these are here to generate further ideas! Again, aftercare is different for everyone so these may not be for you!

In-person:

showering with your partner

taking a bath or running a bath for your partner

applying lotion (good for impact play!)

putting a blanket or clean clothes in a dryer so afterwards you or your partner feels warm and safe

watching a comfort movie/show

taking a nap

cuddles, kisses, playing with their hair

praise, praise, and more praise

have snacks ready

hydrate!! this is SO important!

ask questions about what just happened (keep it light because subspace/domspace)

color, read

hold your partner

listen to music together

Online:

reaffirming/reassuring language in the conversation

watch a movie together (there’s apps for this like discord or you can start it at the same time)

video or phone call (even if you’re just staring at each other in silence)

have your partner get water and a snack before hand so it’s ready for them

praise, praise, and more praise!!

light conversation

play an online game together

have your partner have warm clothes or a warm blanket ready before hand

clean up supplies ready before hand

reassurance is so important for both parties when you’re long distance or participating in online play

#the face when you realize you’ve been betrayed by a blonde girl 

Astrology observations

-Earth signs tend have really good memory

-Libra risings who have Virgo in the 12th house tend to go bed on the earlier side also they can be very organized and have a set routine

-Mercury in the 1st house can be really charming they know what to say and really know how use the right words to get what they want

-earth moons really do love their sleep and are really good at taking of plants animals and can make some good ass food

-Aries risings really do have nice eyebrows and their jawline can cut cheese

-Gemini placements even if they are introverted can be really good at socializing they know what say and what words to use to get what they want don’t underestimate geminis

-Aquarius risings tend have unique and angular features that photograph really well

-Capricorn risings and Scorpio risings can have such sultry eyes like your put under a spell or something when u make eye contact

-Aries mars are similar to Aries moons when it comes to emotions very quick like they’re mad and then their over it so fast

- Capricorn moons can be really surprising like they’re not just cold and stoic I’ve noticed that cap moons can catch u off guard like they’ll tell that they did do this crazy thing that u wouldn’t expect them to do

-I’ve noticed that with Pisces placements people can tell that they have a Pisces placements well it’s cause of their eyes no matter the shape there just something about their eyes they do have really dreamy eyes

-Gemini/Virgo/mercury dominates/ascendant/mercury-ascendant aspects eyes can be really expressive like they express their eyes when they’re talking or observing what’s going on around them can and have really quick movements/reflexes 

-Venus in the 6th house people have a really nice waist shape/line

-Leo placements express their emotions like they’re performing 

Friend: There’s something really similar in all the guys you like but I can’t pinpoint what exactly.

Me: ikr

Me /thinking/: chaotic neutral ENTPs with a dominant Pluto in their charts and strong bi vibes

fuck summer i want it to be dark and misty and frigid and october

Help I’m having a crush on a Virgo Sun guy with Libra Venus..