Simon Swore Up And Down Hed Never Want Kids, He Was Certain Hed End Up Just Like His Old Man And He Would

simon swore up and down he’d never want kids, he was certain he’d end up just like his old man and he would rather die than let a child grow up how he did. he tells you, “look at the state of me, yeah? not exactly father material, am i? i’m tapped in the head, ‘ts not fair to give a kid any of that.” as he taps his temple with his pointer finger.

years pass, and those words echo in your mind as he holds your chubby baby in his rough hands, one gently splayed on their soft tummy while the other supports their head. he’s gently suspending your baby in the air, mimicking helicopter noises as they squeal and giggle happily. simon has the biggest grin on his face as your 3 year old begs him to let them have a turn as a rileycopter, small hands tugging on his cargo pants with pouty lips.

not exactly father material, simon? you beg to differ.

hi!! could u do married life with gintoki plz?? hcs or scenario whichever u prefer i just want to think about what its like to be miss sakata >////< thx!

I was going to make it into pure married life, but I really wanted to include how the whole proposal and wedding happened. So yay for freebies ^^

Being Gintoki's Wife Headcanons

Warning: slight nsfw towards the end.

Congratulations, you married the protagonist of the anime. That's the equivalent of hitting the jackpot, except you wouldn't be so broke after guessing the winning numbers to the lottery. Hey, no one said that being Yorozuya Gin's wife wouldn't have its disadvantages!

Proposal

The way he proposed to you was... quite interesting. He was a nervous mess and tried to calm down by going down the booze route, which led to him being both inebriated and awkward. You'd been dating for quite a while and he was certain that he could finally tie the knot with you (Thank Kagura, Shinpachi and Otose for pushing him to it). With you he felt comfortable to be who he is, knowing that you loved him despite his flaws. He was always at home whenever you were around, though actually proposing was nerve wracking.

If he was left alone to do it, perhaps he'd just toss you a ring and leave it at that. But, because communism exists, his marital business is Yorozuya's marital business and they'd sit him down and explain that unless he tries to at least be a bit romantic, you'd be disappointed. In reality, Kagura said that you'd leave with another man if you did that, a fact that managed to get him all stressed up in the first place.

And so, Gin really did his best planning a memorable proposal. He took you out to a fancy restaurant, wore his *rented* tuxedo, bought a ring worth of 10 rents which he placed into the champagne glass (courtesy of Otae). It was the perfect night! Or... so it was, until he started chugging glass after glass, eventually forgetting that a ring was placed in one of them and... yes. He swallowed the ring.

I wouldn't be surprised if he hadn't noticed and went along with his proposal, voicing the little speech he had prepared with the guys the previous night, though be it half slurring and messing up halfway. It was a wonder you said yes, but it was a bigger wonder that he had managed to swallow a wedding ring without even being aware of it. Of course, that was something he kept hidden from you, and will probably keep it hidden even until after your children have children of their own. It's embarrassing, don't blame him!

At the end, he admitted leaving it at home, a far less shameful option. You parted ways and no one really asked why he spent the next 6-8 hours in the bathroom. The next day, you had a gorgeous shining ring around your finger, and an exhausted Gintoki by your side.

The wedding

Most likely Gintoki wished for a simple ceremony with those closest to you. Mainly because it would cost less but also because he isn’t one for extravagant parties. A wedding is a union and while he never hid your relationship, he’d be a bit flustered about saying such important words in public.

He did tell Kagura and Shinpachi, as those closest to him. And of course, Shinpachi told Otae, who told Kyuubei and then the entire Yagyuu clan had to pay their respects. Perhaps Gin also let Katsura know, not actually expecting him to show up, though he did and so did the Shinshengumi. At the end of the day, the entire cast was standing before you, some arguing and throwing bombs at one another, while others were too busy stuffing food in bento boxes. The quiet wedding you dreamt off turned into a bit of a fiasco, but everyone enjoyed themselves and so did you and Gin.

Honeymoon Period

I doubt that Gin could afford a proper honeymoon vacation, but perhaps Otose chimed in a bit, giving him enough money to take you somewhere decent as a wedding gift. Don’t think Hawaii or Paris or anything, but he did take you to an idyllic little fishing village or to a lovely mountain settlement.

The time you spent there was quiet and peaceful, unlike your everyday life in the city. It was a welcoming change and for once, you found yourself wishing that it would last more than a few days. Before you knew it, vacation time was over and you were back at Kabukicho.

Married Life

During the first few months, Gintoki would probably put on his good face. He'd be sweeter than usually to you, even going as far as to plan "romantic pizza nights in front of the tv" with candles all around. That would be his basic idea for a date night, but don't worry, he'll keep it up in the future too, minus the candles.

Another type of date time would probably be board game nights, either with just the two of you or his friends. If you end up winning too much, I wouldn't be surprised if Gin decided to flip the table or go as far as to cheat. If you catch onto him and scold him about his behavior, then he'd try to use other means to "win" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) He is shameless, after all.

Surprisingly enough, Gin isn't bad at doing chores, though he does complain about it. Considering the nature of his job, it's not too uncommon for him to have days off, and so, if you are the one with a more stable 9 to 5 kinda job, he doesn't mind taking over the housework. Mostly to keep cockroaches at bay ;-;

If he is the only one to do chores, he'll start nagging about how you married him just to turn him into a housewife. Bribing him with something tasty, whether that is food or you, is bound to make him forget about it, for the time at least.

Speaking of food, a fun activity Gin would enjoy, is cooking with you. He mostly enjoys eating whatever it is that you make for him (supposing it's not burnt tamagoyaki or rice with egg on a daily basis), but if you suggest making something together, he'll find it just as fun and exciting. He doesn't always follow the recipes and a lot of the time he ends up slacking off, tossing ingredients such as flour on your bare face just to get a laugh out of it. In no time, such a notion would lead to an all out kitchen war. Just make sure that he cleans the mess afterwards, considering it's his fault.

Despite Gin picking up on chores, he can be very messy, turning your house into a dorm. Half finished ramen, jump magazines scattered around, tissues and cans, he leaves disaster in his trail. He will clean when he realizes you need a boat to pass through each room, or, if you order him to.

Perhaps at one point, you both tried to better yourself and engage into some more sophisticated hobbies, such as wine tasting or museum touring. Every couple gets to a point when they look at other couples and wonder if they are doing things wrong. But neither expensive wines or impressionism did it for you, and so you went back to your old habits in no time. It's better when you don't have to pretend around each other.

After a quick detour, back to Gin's messiness we go. He is the type to spend an awful long time in the bathroom, not because he is doing anything weird, but because he takes his jump with him. He can sit on the toilet for hours on end, not even realizing how long it's been.

Whenever he showers or baths, you will definitely know because of the endless stream of water and hot steam following after him. It looks as if someone copy-pasted Venice in your house and Gin isn't apologetic in the slightest over it. The main cause of it, is because he refuses to dry himself up, choosing to wander around the rooms with just a towel. Now if you scold him, he has no issue jumping on top of you with the sole intention of drying his body against your clothes.

Naturally, it doesn't take long for things to get heated, and I can definitely imagine him smirking while saying "Now I'm not the only one who's wet". Shameless, I told you. Besides, he is also the one who jumps into the shower with you if he is in a hurry, without even bothering to ask if it's fine.

Gin isn't against self care. He doesn't admit it, but in order to keep his hair tamable, he uses A LOT of products. Could have an entire shelve dedicated to hair products only, no surprises here. He might tease you if he sees you using a face mask sheet, though if you offer him one, he'll allow you to pamper him, asking you to check how soft his skin is 24/7.

A nice thing Gin does from time to time, is massages. If you come back tired from work, he'll have no issue rubbing your feet, your shoulders, and anywhere else you need him to *wink wink*. Again he'll bring up the "housewife" argument, but he is more than happy to take care of you.

On the contrary, a nasty thing Gin most definitely does, is start calling you old hag. Even changes your contact name to that and acts as if you are some old lady, despite being of similar age to him. Don't, just... don't ask.

Generally, you don't argue a lot and your fights consist of really petty and childish arguments, such as who gets to watch what on the tv. Usually it ends with him sitting on the remote to prevent you from touching it. Or, on cold winter nights, he ends up hoarding the blanket, leaving you to shiver alone while playing tug war with his sleepy self.

At times, Gin experiences severe nightmares about his past. It's something he can't let go off completely, and although he chooses to ignore it in his daily life, he can't control his subconscious. There isn't much for you to do, as he won't be willing to talk about it. However, wrapping your arms around him, assuring him that it's fine, that you are there and that he did his best, will definitely help.

His sex drive does die a bit after you get married, but it's not much of an issue. If you initiate things, he'll almost always be up for it, and he definitely has his "hornball" moments. If you are doing the dishes, he'll be doing you. If you are in it for a relaxing bath time, he'll have you sit between his legs. If he sees you all dressed up for a work event or an outing with a friend, he'll most likely undress you first.

Randomly slaps your butt from time to time whenever you pass before him. If you scold him, he chuckles while giving you the look to know that if you are up for it, he is also up for it. Lots of heated times on the couch, considering he is sometimes too lazy to move things to the bedroom.

Finally, kids is not something in his immediate plans. In fact, he'll try to postpone such talks until you enter the second year of marriage, if not more. He'll always go "La la la la la" at the mention of such things, but if you sit him down and ask him to have a family, he'll groan and take you to bed right away. After all, how can he say no to you?

blushing sakura in every episode (◕‿◕)♡ [1/?]

DO THESE BOYS IN FURIN ACTUALLY HAVE CLASSES?? Where are the teachers?? Are they getting an education? Do they just hang out in this abandoned school and wear school uniforms? I am worried about their future.

he might be the love of my life

palette

hajime umemiya x graffiti artist!reader only a little snippet, but it might become bigger later, word count: 899

you were at home right here with the collection of paint markers and aerosol cans at your feet. your free hand adjusted the filtration mask on your face as you sprayed a nonsensical pattern onto the wall using a fluorescent green so bright it almost hurt your eyes. as you began to draw on the concrete wall using a black paint marker, you felt the sneaking suspicion that eyes were on you. 

that was odd. 

you did most—hell, all your graffiti work in the dark of night, hidden from sight. you’d been chased off by a few townsfolk when you were tagging signs or walls in broad daylight, which you supposed was fair. you were technically doing something utterly illegal, after all. but you kept at it at night, painting flowers and animals, or just random letters onto whatever surface you could. 

bofurin boys often covered it up—as was their right, too, you supposed, but it always irritated you when you’d come back around and find work you’d slaved on all night be covered up with a fresh layer of white paint. 

but back to the feeling that you were being watched. 

“who’s there?” you call out, pulling off your filtration mask slightly. 

“so you’re the one doin’ all those green tags!” a boisterous voice said, and you felt a sudden presence right behind you. you whirled around, dropping your black paint marker across the floor, wincing as it skittered across the alleyway. “did you know that this taiyaki place has called us every day for a week about the graffiti?” 

fuck. you did know that voice. hajime-fuckin’-umemiya, leader of the bofurin, who had essentially annexed and reformed furin high school by force. not only were they vigilante heroes of justice—they also practically were civil servants that served the community—and now their fucking leader was staring at you with a strange, open look in his eye. 

he wasn’t even dressed in his furin uniform—you think you’ve seen it a few times, the whistling long coat that he wore out on patrols with some of the other furin boys. despite it all, he somehow had that sort of aura of warm authority about him—paired with a brilliant and curious smile on his face.

“so what?” you ask defensively. 

“you do know the graffiti’s illegal, right?” umemiya questioned, raising an eyebrow as he walked over to where your marker had skittered across the floor, picking it up. “you could be put in jail for up to five years, you know!” he flipped the marker around, holding it out to you. 

“like i need someone from furin lecturing me about that,” you say, taking the marker back from him. umemiya seemed to deflate a little, almost like a sad puppy, upon your very subtle furin insult, so you hastily add a, “no offense.” 

“mm. i get it, i get it! i do. all the work i did to rehabilitate bofurin’s image doesn’t mean much when people remember how dangerous it was before,” umemiya says sheepishly, rubbing at the back of his neck. “but! i figured i’d come around the taiyaki shop at night, see if there was some repeat offender doing the graffiti, and here you are!” 

umemiya spreads his hands magnanimously, and you can see how worn and callused his hands are from years spent brawling against other students. there was no way he was going to start fighting you, right—?

“i just wanted to ask you to stop,” umemiya says. “i mean, i respect your artistic visions! i always thought it was a waste to paint over your works—i remember one time you did this bright yellow rabbit on a blue moon, very cool, by the way—and—“

huh?

“i really like your art! i was wondering, if maybe…”

you held your paint marker, watching umemiya seemingly steeling his nerves for a moment–

“do you want to come to furin and paint? there’s a lot of graffiti already, and most of the time when we patrol we never use the classrooms anyway, so if it was anonymity you were worried about, that’s covered—and plus, at night, you’d still get a lot of time to do whatever you want—”

“… you’re offering me a place at your school to just—paint?” you ask confusedly, raising an eyebrow. 

“well, yeah!” umemiya says. “i mean, it’s a waste to paint over your hard work, right? it’s different than the other tags.”

“... is it?” you ask, staring at your half-finished graffiti, joining other fresh tags on the wall. 

“well, i’m not really sure if i fully believe in the idea that art carries intention–but i’d like to think yours does! and it’s kind. and i think there’s people at furin who might appreciate it.” 

“well…”

you sigh, running a hand through your hair.

“well, okay,” you say. “but if anyone tries to start something–”

“please,” umemiya says. “we’re not animals. it’ll be great to have you.” and then he holds out his hand to shake, and you stare down at it.

are you really doing this?

umemiya’s expression is bright, warm. 

you shake his hand. 

his grip is firm, his thumb squeezing the space between your index and thumb–and you laugh with a hint of exasperation in your voice. here you were, pulled right into umemiya’s thrall–lured in by him like a sweet siren song.

“fine. see you tomorrow, then,” you mutter, your cheeks heating up.