Awkwardchrissy - We'll Be Ok - Tumblr Blog
At Play by Charles Edward Perugini (Italian-born English, 1839–1918)
“When faced with headlines calculating how long we collectively have left to live, or how the angry men in charge of the world still haven’t been taught to share the sandbox, I tend to lean further into my dreaming. I tend to cling to the things I can change. In 200,000 years of living, the human race has learned so little. We invent the wheel, shoot ourselves to the moon, collapse the ocean, forget to stomp out cigarettes. If there is an antidote to the discord, it is your tender hands pressed against your bleeding heart. In my wildest dreams, I imagine a love beyond countries and gods. In my wildest dreams, no child learns how to play dead. Out the window, is everything green and growing. All the guns rusted in the rain. It hurt to work this hard, believe me; the taste of swallowed pride, the grit of sore muscles, the shame in how we could have started so much sooner, but how worthwhile it is to be here now. In my wildest dreams, someone across the world falls asleep safe. My neighbor’s fridge is full. I can see so many more stars. The news is slow and none of us mind. In my wildest dreams, we all come home from the war.”
— Schuyler Peck, Biology of A Bleeding Heart
U are not "rotting" in bed. U are resting, beloved
do you still remember me? do you still want to see me? do you still love me?
smol brain dump idc if it doesn't make
it's been a week. i'm all cried out, had a fight with my mom and now i feel numb. the thing is, i fucking love my mom. she went thru hell to raise us.
what i hate is i've never felt heard or validated as her child. i feel sorry that she had to quit her nice job in order to be a stay-at-home mom, she had to forget about the love of her life (not my dad), she had to forego so many good opportunities for us. but to me, that is no justification in wanting to control how your child's life ends up. and when i talk to her about something that's personal, she listens because she's thinking of how to respond or how she's gonna assert her dominance or authority as a parent (i fucking hate being told to sit down like a fucking child). she doesn't listen with the intent to UNDERSTAND how i feel. that's why i learned to bottle things up and keep shit from her. i hate how she feels the need to control us because she was never able to control how her marriage and her life turned out. but i also fucking hate how life has treated her. i wish she never met my dad. i wish she had the courage to say no. to him, to her parents, to her family, to societal pressure. if she had gone for what her heart truly wanted, i believe she would've been happier. i wish she loved herself more.... even if that meant i never existed.
Talking to those who understand you is valuable; perhaps that's why I've spent half my life talking to myself.
“A healthy relationship is where two independent people just make a deal that they will help the other person be the best version of themselves.”
— Unknown
Date someone who naturally brings out your inner child, makes you laugh, never stops flirting with you, and loves you a little extra on the days you don't feel so loveable.
It's not being given to you it's being created by you
Maybe you'll relate to this:
When I was younger I held this deep fear that I just wasn't good enough to have what I wanted. I held this mental image of shifting and manifestation (law of attraction, I hadn't found the law of assumption yet) as something that was happening to me and not something that I was doing.
When I viewed it as something that might be granted if I just did the right thing I felt this deep fear of inadequacy. "What if it's not enough" "what if I'm not good at this"
Don't think of it that way. Don't think of it as a gift or even something you can fail or succeed at. You are already manifesting and shifting. All this is is learning how to FILTER it to your benefit.
It's not about pleasing something else or being "good enough" at something. It's about the story you keep telling yourself over and over again.
It's not a fairy that gives you $20 if you burn enough candles or let's you shift once it decides you're cool enough, it's you selecting your experience.
You are selecting you're reality through your awareness. That's it. You shift your mental awareness to something and it happens for you.
Listen to me. No one else is deciding wether or not you can do it, you are. What you tell yourself over and over again will become true. YOU are in charge. YOU.
If you decide that something is true it is. You can legitimately just go "I'm good enough" and now it's a fact.
It doesn't matter if you believe it, your subconscious believes anything you say, so say what you want and be consistent in doing so.
You repeat something to yourself -> it becomes true -> profit
i bought pink stuff for my room because i love pink and seeing how my room looks makes me happy. that and the fact that i get to talk to my long-distance partner are what excites to me to go home. i love my room and what it symbolizes. it's like our safe space. just us. the troubles of the world seem far away. now that I'm not able to talk to him and to see him in calls, that room feels.. stuffy. i can't breathe. it feels oddly dull and dark despite the fluorescent lights and the LED strip lights in my room because the person who truly brings light to my room, my life, isn't there. we've not broken up, however, due to current circumstances, we won't be able to talk as much...
“Life is that which must overcome itself again and again.”
— Friedrich Nietzsche
my days and nights are so gloomy without you