Thor N Bruce Vs Ikea

thor n bruce vs ikea

me yelling into the void: ANYONE WANT SOME FUCKING IKEA HEADCANONS?? NO?? WELL FUCK ME THEN HERE THEY ARE ANYWAY

i hc that at one point or another thor and bruce are going to live together in a small apartment in new york (so bruce is still close to the lab) and they decide to redecorate it to make that place more their own

which means,,,, ikea shenanigans

thor teaching bruce the correct pronounciations of the names and trying to hold in his laughter because the things that come out of bruces mouth are just so embarrassingly off 

they try out every bed becuase of course they are just Like That. thzy just flop on down on em. they almost get thrown out cause they started chasing each other in a pillow fight that kind of got out of hand

at one point bruce lets thor wander alone for a while but didnt know he’d actually lost him until he gets a worried text. he decides to be a lil shit and have a little fun

he keeps sending him obscure selfies of his face with the place he’s at in the background until thor finds him n surprises him with a bear hug from behind

the selfie he’d accdentally made at that exact moment is his favourite and he puts it in a little frame that they also buy there

they also get a cute little plant and name it george

when there arent that many people around bruce sees an opportunity

he bets thor he could ride the shopping cart the fastest down the almost empty hallway

before you know it you have a scientist and god whizzing past you, having the time of their lives

the employees they pass always turn and look as if theyre looking into a camera like in the office

thor makes a video of bruce wearing sunglasses racing past one of those employees and sends it to peter who almost instantly dies

thor is absolutely obsessed by the tiny pencils you can get everywhere

his pockets are full of them

once theyre back home their sole purpose will be to write cute messages to bruce on equally tiny notepads 

but whilst theyre still in the store he uses them to leave little reviews on products in the store

“SHINY!!! :O”

“mjolnir approves”

“i rate this 4 out of 5 thunderbolts for softness”

“okay i mean im an alien but this looks weird, even to me”

“this is a fake book 2/10 for the nice cover”

also there are the little rollable measuring tapes that he “spanks” bruce with before it gives him a paper cut

“thats karma, babe”

thor places mjolnir on everything

everything.

he almost crushed george

bruce tries to stop him when they move over to the places containing fragile things but thor wants to be absolutely sure everything they buy is “”worthy”” because he only wants the best for his love

why thor thinks everything has to be worthy to wield the powers of a thunder god is beyond bruce but he appreciates the gesture

bruce has actually a really good eye for things that fit well together. thor however,,,,, after thor has made sure products meet his mjolnir standards, he just wants the most obnoxious versions available

thor places them in their shopping cart and every time bruce turns around to put them away thor sneaks them back in and pretends theyve just mysteriously appeared again

bruce does not fall for that

,,,,, both of them spinning in one of those hanging egg chairs until they almost throw up

once they get into the kids section with all the cute stuffed animals and cozy beds bruce gets quiet for a moment

he recalls the things about his own life that are so in contrast with this colourful setting

but he is hopeful about the future that one day he might be able to construct such a paradise with thor if when they get kids of their own

bruce explains these thoughts as theyre eating the meatballs in the cafeteria because thor had looked worried back there but now the thought of children makes stars sparkle in his eyes

once they get back home they get in contact with tony and shuri and ask if theres any way to modify some main pieces to be hulk friendly aka indestructible so when the big guy comes out no one has to worry about having to buy a new table every week

they are of course 100% willing to help and says that as soon as they are done building they can send them over

which brings them to

building

bruce the ikea master versus thor the ikea disaster

bruce turns out to be actually incredible at building but thor sometimes makes,,,, modifications that almost bring them right back to square 1

“hey thor? how the fuck did you manage to make this chair look like a goddamn spaceship??!” “i think it looks better this way let me express my creativity!!” “THOR WE HAVE TO BE ABLE TO ACTUALLY SIT ON THESE“ “this is a waste of my talent“

also every time before thor places a part he just yells “[name of the piece of furniture] ASSEMBLE” and makes sound effect noises with his mouth. bruce just,,,,,,,,,,,, sighs. he’s in love with a fucking dork

he should really introduce him to lego sometime

as a way of saying sorry for not appreciating his bf’s imagination before bruce buys him one of those build your own model boat types of things and tells thor to go wild

they end up with something thats definitely not a boat but it will become the centerpiece of their brand new table right next to george

thor is very proud of it and makes sure everyone sees it when they come to admire the new flat

hey bitch im never letting this die

i’ve already consumed all the thorbruce content out there so i guess i had to make some myself

Please Reblog is Your Blog is Safe for Non-Binary People.

If my mutuals can’t rb this then we can’t be mutuals

You know those videos going around where people hold up a blanket and then drop it and quickly move so it looks like they've disappeared and their dog freaks out? Imagine Bruce showing Thor that trick and at first Thor is like "okay very funny haha" but Bruce just stays hiding and Thor starts panicking like "Bruce? Bruce??? WHERE ARE YOU??????" And Bruce pops out like "ta da! Haha" and Thor is like clutching his like "oh thank god pls don't ever do that again"

OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST THING EVERIt would totally happen though, and Bruce would find it hilarious

A quality conversation with my friend, and yes this happens everyday.