@jay-zzle This Is The ULTIMATE Photo Shoot In My Opinion. Like I Said, Never Wanted To Be A Dirty Mattress

@jay-zzle this is the ULTIMATE photo shoot in my opinion. Like I said, never wanted to be a dirty mattress before but here I am 🤷‍♀️😅 although the pic you sent me earlier… 👀 “Stair way to heaven” 😍🤤😍🤤

periodic reminder to myself that this photoshoot was not a hallucination

one of the greatest achievements in male sexuality

I fucking love sharks! What better way to express that than get a new tattoo? 4th tattoo this year

Through the Motions

Pairing: Francisco “Catfish” Morales x Reader

Summary: You and Frankie decide to start a family. Regardless of your mental illness and the challenges it faces.

Warnings: Mental health, cussing, pregnancy, bit of angst, comfort, fluffff, pretty much sums it up

A/N: Sooo…. This would be my first fic I’ve ever actually put out for the entire world to read. I used to have several 5 subject notebooks full of fanfic for myself and my cousins to read cause they were the only ones I trusted with that part of my brain. 15 years later and here I am. I had 4 different friends read it before I posted. All of which gave amazing input and helped me with wording, grammar, punctuation, etc. I love you guys!!! @hessofather(knows all about mentally ill pregnancy cause she did that), @jay-zzle(Spanish expert), @bi-panda(help with grammar and punctuation) and Sarah(helped with wording, who needs to get a tumblr)

Special shout out to: @chloeangelic- Thank you for being so helpful to this newbie with your writing advice! You saw this fic before it became what it is now, hopefully it’s still as interesting as you thought it was to begin with @gracieispunk for just telling me to go for it! ❤️❤️❤️

HERE GOES IT! 🫣

Masterlist

At the time you felt like this was a good idea, that you were strong enough to handle it, that it would get better as time went on. Except now you’re not so sure.

*****

It was your idea first, trying for a baby and Frankie was ecstatic. You’d discussed kids before but it was always in a wishful way, too nervous to stop the meds to actually try. Late one night while in bed you decide to talk about it once more.

“What if you can’t handle my episodes?”

“Such as…” He asks moving on his side propping up his head with his fist.

“Well… I’m kinda, actually no, I’m crazy without meds. You haven’t had to experience that side of me but other people have. I had so much rage in me all the time, I would snap in an instant at the smallest of things, there were days I couldn’t even get out of bed. I almost lost my job at one point.” You say rubbing your face trying not to think of the past without meds. He moves your hands and cups your cheek turning your head towards him.

“Hey now, we don’t have to do this. It’s up to you. I’d love it if we could have a version of you and me out in this world but it’s not a necessity if you don’t want to. I’m still going to be here whether we decide to do this or not”

“Oh god, the manic episodes! I’ve gotten those under control finally because of the meds but the mania was almost just as bad as the depression! Sooo many bad decisions, honestly surprised I don’t have a kid already. Definitely had a rise in my labido during the manic episodes,” with widened eyes and a panicked look you start to back track “Sorry! I’m so sorry! I’m rambling now.”

“Shhh, we all have a past,” Frankie laughs, shaking his head, “If we’re being truthful here though- if we try for a baby that would be helpful, right?”

You laugh and roll your eyes.

“Yeah, I guess you got me there.”

*****

Thinking about it and doing it are two completely different things. The trying part was definitely fun and then it happened. Those two pink lines happened a lot faster than you were expecting. What now? You have to get off your meds. That’s what you have to do now. It’s really happening. There is now a life growing inside of you. You thought you were ready for this. Mentally trying to prepare yourself for the moment the meds had to stop, the pregnancy hormones and what they’ll do, the changes your body will go through, the mindset you’ll need to have going through this, so much to prepare for. Then the first slip up happens. It took 3 weeks, 3 weeks for the first incident to happen.

“Oh, I see!” You say gritting your teeth, “So I need to have supper ready for you when you get home? Like I’m some 50s fucking housewife?!”

“That’s not what I even said. All I asked was what are we having for supper? I did not mean what are YOU making for supper.” Frankie said as calmly as he could. He never thought his army training would help him in a situation like this. They teach you how to handle dangerous territories, hostile situations, survival, and so much more. But this? No one ever trains you for this. For a hormonal, mentally ill, pregnant lady.

You can feel your face hot from anger turning into one of embarrassment and shame instead. Your bottom lip begins to tremble. You realize your mistake immediately. Not sure if it’s the mental illness or the hormones rushing through your body. It all kinda feels the same right now. Frankie notices the change immediately and rushes towards you.

“Bebé, bebé, bebé,” He says quietly wrapping his arms around you, pushing your head into the crook of his neck. “It’s okay. You’re okay. We’re okay. We’ll get through this just like everything else. I’m here.”

“I hate this!” You sob

*****

Your entire pregnancy you feel as if you’re going through constant loops. The manic and depressive episodes coming in waves. You sense it before it happens, a lot like when you can smell rain before it starts. The only thing is when. When is it going to hit you? Will it be a depressive episode? Where you find it near impossible to even get up but you have to in order to make sure things are ready for this baby. Will it be a manic episode? Where you have so much energy it feels like you’re going to crawl out of your own skin but also in a way beneficial because you can get so much ready for the nursery. Will it be one of sadness, anger, anxiousness? What will it be and can you make yourself stop it? Doubtful, you never can, just like now.

**9 months later**

He plops down at the kitchen table sighing. The baby has finally gone to sleep. After 2 hours of crying there is finally silence.

“What‘s wrong?” Frankie asks

“I don’t know.” you sigh, putting the last bottle in the dish rack to dry.

He can tell something is wrong by your actions. The way you’ve been rigid. You’re so stiff. You’re so tense. You feel on edge about every little thing.

The baby is crying. Needs changed again. The baby is crying. Needs fed again. The baby is crying. Needs soothed again. The baby is crying. When is there time to sleep? So over-stimulated it’s almost too much to bear.

It’s only been 2 weeks since the baby arrived and you’re back on meds finally. As with all things though, it takes time.

“What’s wrong? Hermosa, please tell me.” he asks again

“It’s just one of those days.”

One of those days, the hatred for yourself you feel. Am I a good mom yet? Am I doing everything that needs done? Is there anything I missed? I have to be perfect on the outside. Why am I NOT perfect on the outside? Can I even pretend to be perfect? The internal battle is almost too much. You don’t want to look at him. You don’t want him to see how much your mind is making you suffer because he will see it, he always sees it now.

“Baby, please talk to me!” He pleads

You push yourself off the kitchen sink and finally turn around wrapping your arms around yourself and you know he sees it. Your mind starts racing. He thinks you’re a failure. He wants to give up on you. He doesn’t want to deal with you anymore.

He gets up and takes a step closer, you take a step back. Not ready for the comfort, the consoling, the pity party to ensue. He grabs you before you can get too far away.

“You're an amazing momma. Don’t sell yourself short!”

“Hold on,” You start to remove yourself from him, “I need to get the hamburger out for supper tomorrow.”

He furrows his brows letting you go and sighs, “Will you sit down, please?”

Reluctantly you sit down and your mind starts racing and panicking again. Why does he want me to sit? Why did he sigh? Is he mad at me? Did I do something wrong?

The baby monitor goes off and you start to get up again

“Stop, sit. I got this. Stay here.”

So you sit. You sit at the kitchen table with your mind spiraling and wondering what to expect next. Can he change the diaper? Can he make the bottle if the baby needs feeding? Can he soothe the baby to go back to sleep? What does the baby need?

You hear the crackle of the monitor

“Momma is so tired, isn’t she? She needs a break sometimes. She takes such good care of you while I’m at work.“ the baby starts to wail louder, that must be the getting diaper changed cry, “Oh yes, I know mi vida, it’s so cold and momma does it better but daddy is here and can do it too.” Low and behold you are correct!

The baby stops crying. Soothed for now. Who knows how long it’ll be before they’re awake again. Frankie comes back to the kitchen.

“Mi amor, we should get to bed.”

You nod while he grabs the baby monitor then your hand, in a daze you let him lead you to the bedroom. He helps you change your clothes for the first time in three days. Frankie grabs your brush, he gently brushes til the knots are out of your hair and he puts it in a bun the way you like. He grabs you around the waist and guides you into the bed. Laying there together, he’s whispering words of praise to you, “Eres hermosa, you’re a good momma, you’re perfecto for me and our baby” placing soft kisses to your neck with each phrase, and then you hear his soft snoring. With silent tears falling down your face you finally start to drift off to sleep, you suddenly remember you forgot the hamburger meat. You try to move but with Frankie’s warmth and tight grip surrounding you you easily give up, guess there is always tomorrow.

Pygmy hippopotamus. Last Chance on Earth; a Requiem for Wildlife. Roger A. Caras. Illustrated by Charles Fracé. 1966.

Internet Archive

First off, you thought of little ol’ me?! 🤭🤣🫶 Secondly, only 5?!

1. American Horror Show- Snow Wife

2. Perro Negro- Bad Bunny

3. Du Hast- Rammstein

4. All the Time- Jeremiah

5. TNT- AC/DC

🎶✨when u get this, list 5 songs u like to listen to, publish. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (positivity is cool)🎶✨ 🫶

okay okay, here are the 5 songs i've listened to the most for like the past week!!!

Flawless - Lil Uzi Vert & Yeat

Members Only - Drake & PartyNextDoor

Feeling Myself - 23 & Roc Boys

It's A Man's Man's Man's World - James Brown

Body Electric - Lana Del Rey

also i have too many fav followers and i love you all so i'm just gonna @ some of my consistent/OG reply guys and i wanna see what you've been listening to lately !!!! <333

Have at it @5oh5 @papipascalispunk @pattwtf @bitchesuntitled @skulls-sage @sawymredfox @mayonegg6 @messinadresss @molt3ngold muah muah

Listen, y’all need to read this ASAP!!! So much angst, so much heartbreak, so much LOVE!!! This is the first story I started reading by @gracieispunk and I will always sing her praises for anything she puts out cause this is the story that got me hooked ❤️❤️❤️

☠︎︎ 𝐃𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐛𝐚𝐠!𝐅𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐢𝐞 𝐀𝐔 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ☠︎︎

art by @king-simp 💕

𝐹𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑘𝑖𝑒 𝑥 𝐹!𝑅𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑒𝑟

COMPLETED

𝐀𝐔 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐎𝐍: 𝑑𝑒𝑒𝑝 𝑠𝑒𝑒𝑑𝑒𝑑 𝑓𝑎𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑦 𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑢𝑚𝑎, 𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑖𝑝𝑢𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛, 𝑚𝑖𝑠𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑑𝑒𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑖𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒

𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐒 𝐃𝐍𝐈 - 𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 - 𝐀𝐃𝐔𝐋𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒

✨ - indicates new

𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 - 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐮𝐩𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬

𝐈𝐍 𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐑:

1 ‘𝑺𝒐 𝑵𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒚’ -5𝒌

2 𝑫𝒐𝒏 𝑱𝒖𝒍𝒊𝒐 -3.1𝒌

3 𝑻𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒌 𝒈𝒐𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒔 -3.8𝒌

4 𝑺𝒉𝒆’𝒔 𝒎𝒚 𝑳𝑪 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒖𝒆 𝒕𝒐 “𝑺𝒐 𝑵𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒚”-2.6𝒌

5 𝑰 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒆 𝑰𝒎 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔 -5𝒌

6 “𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰𝒎 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏” -5.3𝒌

7 𝑶𝒍𝒅 𝑯𝒂𝒃𝒊𝒕𝒔 -5.5𝒌

8 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑊𝑜𝑛’𝑡 𝑆𝑎𝑦 𝐴𝑛𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝑜𝑘𝑎𝑦? -1.2𝑘

9 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝐼𝑛𝑣𝑖𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 － 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑏𝑏𝑙𝑒 | 632

10 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝑶𝒘𝒏 𝑴𝒆 -3.3𝒌

11 𝑅𝑢𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑑 - 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑏𝑏𝑙𝑒 | ~600

12 𝑻 & 𝑺𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊 -2.1𝒌

13 𝑭𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒌𝒊𝒆 𝒈𝒐𝒆𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒑𝒚 -5.2𝒌

14 𝑃𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑒𝑠 - 𝑑𝑟𝑎𝑏𝑏𝑙𝑒 | ~600

15 𝑪𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒆 -8.2𝒌

16. ✨𝑶𝒏𝒆 𝑫𝒂𝒚, 𝒀𝒐𝒖’𝒍𝒍 𝑩𝒆 𝑮𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝑨𝒕 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 - the end (fr this time)

𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐒:

𝐌𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 - 𝐿𝐶, 𝑇, ＆𝐷𝑦𝑙𝑖𝑛 － 𝐶ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝐶𝑎𝑠𝑡

𝐓 & 𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐢????? - ‘𝑉𝑖𝑠𝑢𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦, 𝐼 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑠𝑒𝑒 𝑖𝑡’

“𝐷𝑜𝑢𝑐ℎ𝑒𝑏𝑎𝑔!𝐹𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑘𝑖𝑒 𝑖𝑠 𝑠𝑜 𝑟𝑛𝑏 － 𝐼 𝑑𝑜𝑛’𝑡 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑟𝑢𝑙𝑒𝑠” － 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡 𝑏𝑦 @king-simp ☟︎