Oh Most DEFINITELY Marcus Coded! Im Glad You Liked It

Oh most DEFINITELY Marcus coded! I’m glad you liked it 😍

Paper Rings

Pairing: Marcus Pike x f!reader

Warnings: MDNI blog in general is 18+ go on now, get. Fluff, innuendos, panicked Marcus, cussing, think that's it?

Summary: Marcus wants to ask you an important question.

Mood board made by the amazing @jay-zzle, divider made by @saradika-graphics

Prompt by: @swiftispunk, let me know what ya think!

thank you @notjustjavierpena for taking a look at this and helping me with it! ❤️

Masterlist

Tonight’s the night, Marcus thinks on his drive home. He’s going to ask her to marry him. After their first date, he knew deep down she was the one. Three years later and the feeling hasn’t changed. He’s asked her dad’s permission, the ring has been sitting in his dresser for months now, the reservations have been made at Mastro’s Steakhouse. He clicks the remote for the garage as he pulls into the driveway, taking a deep breath in and out before getting out of the car and going into the house.

You hear the door open downstairs; Marcus must be home. Just in time too; he had told you earlier this morning about making reservations somewhere and to dress pretty like you always do. Working on the finishing touches of your makeup, you see his reflection in the bathroom mirror smiling at you, leaning against the doorway.

“Hey babe,” you greet him with a warm smile, “I am almost done. Is there anything you need to do to get ready?”

“Not much,” Marcus responds, walking away from the doorway to the dresser, glancing over his shoulder to make sure you’re still in the bathroom, and slowly opening the drawer he knows the ring is in, “Need to use the bathroom before we go and might change my suit jacket.” His hand creeps to the very back of the dresser, feeling for that velvet box he knows all too well is there. His fingers touch it, grasping it in his hand, quickly pulling it out, and shoving it into his jacket pocket just as you’re leaving the bathroom. He shuts the drawer quickly and turns to look at you.

“What are you doing?” You ask, giving him a suspicious look.

“Nothing,” he replies, raising his eyebrows, noticing the lone pair of socks on the floor that escaped the drawer as he was pulling the ring out, “Was going to change my socks. My feet feel gross.”

“Okay?” You giggle, shaking your head, getting your shoes on, “Weirdo.”

“Shush, you love me and wouldn’t have it any other way.” He grins at you, picking up the socks and going to sit on the bed.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” You grin, “Will you help me with the back of my dress?”

He helps zip your dress up, giving the back of your neck a light kiss, shucking off his suit jacket, and laying it on the bed on his way to the bathroom.

“I’ll meet you downstairs.”

__

“Where are we going?” You ask, looking over at Marcus, waiting for the red light to change.

“Now what’s the fun in telling you when it is supposed to be a surprise?” He says, squeezing your thigh, “Patience.”

You roll your eyes and scoff. The car starts moving again when the light turns green. Marcus is so meticulous in everything he does. Always has a plan, a certain way of doing things, likes to be spontaneous to an extent but usually always a set schedule. You love those things about him, he’s the comfort in the chaos that life can sometimes be. He pulls  into one of the fanciest restaurants in Washington D.C.

“Oh my god, Marcus,” you whisper, “How on earth did you get a reservation?”

“I was able to make some calls,” he says, stepping out of the vehicle, making his way to your door. “Had some people who owed me some favors.” He explains, opening your door for you and offering his hand. You take his hand and let him lead you. Handing off his keys to the valet. Walking into the restaurant you are greeted by the hostess.

“Good evening, sir,” she says with a bright smile, “Name?”

“Should be under Pike.”

“Ah yes, right this way.” She says, marking in the book and grabbing a couple menus before leading the way.

You cannot believe your eyes looking around at this place. There is a bar, a live jazz band playing, and plenty of couples sitting at the other tables.

“Is this table okay, Mr. Pike?” The hostess asks when she stops at an empty table.

“It’s perfect, thank you.” Marcus smiles, stepping over to the chair closest to you and sliding it out for you.

“Your waiter will be right with you.” She says, giving a small nod setting the menus down on the table.

You sit in the chair, grabbing the menu, watching Marcus move to the other side of the table to sit down across from you.

“So, Mr. Pike,” you smirk, “What on earth is the special occasion?”

“Just wanted to take you somewhere nice,” he replies, cocking an eyebrow, “Is that not allowed?”

“You’re up to something.”

“I am not,” Marcus grins, opening his menu, “What do you think you’ll have?”

“I’m thinking the salmon, although those crab cakes would be a good start, don’t you think?”

“Whatever you want, baby.”

“Good evening and welcome to Mastro’s Steakhouse, I’m Jared and I’ll be your waiter this evening.” A young man who approaches the table says, “Can I get you two something to drink?”

“I want whatever wine pairs the best with the New York strip, sweetheart?”

“You know, I’ll think I’ll do the same thing he’s doing, Mr. Wine Connoisseur over there,” you laugh, “Whatever pairs well with the salmon dish.”

“Alright, I will ask the chef what he thinks would be the best.”

“Oh!” You say as Jared starts to leave the table, “Crab cakes! We want the crab cakes as our appetizer.”

“Of course, ma’am.”

—

It’s now or never, Marcus thinks. The evening went exactly how he wanted it to, the meal was fantastic, the wine amazing, the dessert ordered to go will be arriving soon. This is the perfect moment to ask her.

“You know,” Marcus says, grabbing your hands, rubbing them softly, “You were right, I do have something special planned for us.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” Marcus takes a deep breath in and lets it out, “Babe, I knew from the moment that I met you I wanted to be with you.”

He pulls your hands to his lips and gives them a soft kiss.

“After our first date, I knew you were the one I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.”

He stands up and gets down on one knee. You can hear people begin to whisper around you, watching the scene before you unfold.

“Oh my god” You say holding his hand tighter, “Marcus?”

“Baby, I love you so very much and I—” he says, patting the pocket of his suit jacket. “Fuck.”

“Babe?”

“No, no, no,” Marcus says, frantically searching his suit jacket and pants. “This isn’t how it was supposed to go.”

“Marcus,” you say, holding his face, “Look at me.”

He looks up at you with those big brown eyes you love. “I swear there’s a ring. I changed my jacket not even think—"

“Babe, I don’t care.” You smile, interrupting his panicked ramblings, “Ask me.”

“But the ring?”

“Don’t care, ask me.”

“Will you marry me?”

“Yes!” You say, wrapping your arms around his neck slotting your mouth against his. You can hear several of the other patrons clapping.

“Congratulations!” Jared says, returning to your table with your dessert.

“Thank you!” You say, beaming with joy.

—

On the drive home you can’t stop smiling like an idiot while holding Marcus’ hand. This is everything you dreamed about as a little girl; finding the perfect person to spend your life with and that is Marcus through and through.

“I still can’t believe I forgot the fucking ring!” Marcus says, shaking his head.

“Babe, you could’ve asked me with a ring made of paper and I would’ve said yes,” you laugh, “That’s the last thing I care about.”

“Well, a paper ring would be better than nothing!”

Approaching a gas station on the side of the road, an idea popped into your head.

“Stop!” You yelp, “Stop at that gas station!”

Marcus gives you a sideways look but pulls in regardless. Never one to refuse your requests.

“Cash?” You ask with your sweetest smile.

“Why’d we stop here?” He asks, rolling his eyes while getting his wallet out and handing you a twenty. You just give him a mischievous grin while getting out of the car. The door dings when you step into the gas station, making a beeline to the candy aisle and finding exactly what you were looking for: A bag of ring pops. Unable to contain your excitement, you let out a little squeal while grabbing them and head to the front.

“That’ll be $4.98.” The cashier says after ringing up your candy. You slap the twenty down on the counter and grab the bag running out.

“Thank you! Keep the change!” You shout behind you.

Getting back to the car, you see Marcus shaking his head trying to hold in his laughter. You make quick work of opening the bag, getting one singular ring pop out, and opening that as well, tapping on his window quickly, telling him to get out of the car.

“What on earth are you doing, honey?” Marcus laughs, opening the car door.

“You said something would be better than nothing,” you laugh, “Here’s something!”

You hand him the ring pop. He shakes his head looking at it.

“Baby,” Marcus starts looking up at you. “A ring pop? Really?”

“Marcus!” You huff, crossing your arms, “Are you gonna ask me?”

“Here?!” Marcus looks at you with surprise, looking at the ground, “Babe, this is a gas station parking lot!”

“And?”

“Babe, my pants—“

“Marcus Vincent Pike,” You scold, giving him a look that he knows means business.

“Okay, okay,” He says laughing, grabbing your hand, sliding out of the seat of the car with one knee on the ground, “Baby, will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?”

“Duh!” You say, jumping up and down as he slides the ring pop onto your finger. “It’s beautiful!”

Marcus bursts into laughter as you shove the ring pop into your mouth. “Tasty too!” You say after popping it out of your mouth.

Marcus grabs your hand, lifting it to his mouth, pushing the ring pop in, hollowing his cheeks a little, letting out a soft sigh. You can feel your mouth getting dry while you watch him suck on the ring pop. The makeshift engagement ring makes a soft pop as he lets it leave his mouth.

“I can think of something that’s sweeter,” he says with a sly smile and wink, letting go of your hand.

Oh I’m rooting for this couple so much!!! 😍😭 The ending made me so giddy

4. lovesick

Let's Get Lost Chapter 4 | Frankie Morales x female reader

Summary: You and Frankie aren’t together anymore but you’re in a good place. However, spending a week together for your mutual friends’ wedding on a luxury resort might challenge that slightly and realising you’re still in love with your ex is a sure-fire recipe for disaster … Tropes: it was always you, getting back with the ex, beach!Frankie (you know *that* photoshoot) miscommunication, only one bed, good parent Frankie Chapter Warnings: 18+ MDNI, references to past drug addiction, references to alcohol, historic argument referenced, one passing reference to body insecurity, reader is unnamed with no physical desctipton but wears a necklace, Frankie and reader are parents, yearning? Word Count: 3350 Notes: Thank you for the lovely feedback so far - it's meant so much to me and I hope you enjoy this update. I am so excited to share this chapter with you! The chapter title is from Laurel's song lovesick.

Previous | Series | Next

The nearby town is awake and full of life this morning. Dappled light warms your skin as you walk through the main street with the rest of your group. You can smell the salt air of the sea in the distance, interspersed with enticing smells of food as you walk past a bustling restaurant.

You could stay here forever.

Clara’s ahead of you, glued to Santiago and giggling happily as she animatedly tells him about everything she wants to do today. It sounds hectic, involving the beach, the summer club, and a truly incredible amount of ice-cream.

Next to you, Frankie has a soft smile on his face as you catch him looking at your daughter. He seems more relaxed at last. There’s a lightness to him again, his smile reaches his eyes and there’s warmth in his face again. You missed that.

You missed him. You miss him.

Living a life agonising over what could have been is wrong. You made the right decision to leave Frankie at the time. You know that.

You and Clara deserved better than the life that he was promising you both at that moment. Clara was, she is, the priority and quite simply, you didn’t want your child to grow up around active addiction. That’s not a bad thing. Frankie feels the same, he’s told you.

Frankie’s changed now though. Your Frankie’s back and that’s a complication you didn’t expect.

You’re happy for him. He’s lost that haunted look in his eyes; the shadows are lighter on his face. It’s even good to see him in those ridiculous patterned holiday shirts, to notice his hair is just a little longer and the curls are peeking through again and look clean and healthy. He’s not been wearing his hat on holiday and there’s something about seeing his hair like this that makes you want to run your hands through it.

You cannot ruin Benny and Lia’s wedding though. You can suppress this.

You have to.

You’re so close to Frankie right now though.

It happens without thought. You’re not sure who initiates it , whether it’s you or Frankie, but somehow as your arms unconsciously move with the stride you take, your fingers have brushed his. Then they’re entwined. Gently, barely touching really, but linked all the same.

It feels electric.

It feels dangerous.

What are you playing at? Is this wrong? Is it cruel to Frankie? Or you? And what about your daughter? She needs consistency, she needs structure. Not the messed up will they, won’t they? you and her Frankie could develop into.

This feels natural though. It reminds of you of how things used to be. Hand in hand walking down the city streets after dinner, so incontrovertibly in love with him. Lia used to joke you were couple goals, until you weren’t.

The memories you’ve tried to avoid since your breakup, to suppress so that the heartbreak of losing him wasn’t so sharp, are flooding back. It’s too much, it’s too hard.

It’s too messy.

You need the wall back up. You need the pillow barrier to better fight these thoughts back, to fight these stupid tiny gestures.

It’s harmless though, right?

You’re holding hands, you’re hardly pressed against the wall in a sweaty mess. So it’s fine.

It’s fine.

Santi looks back and he meets your eyes. You watch him look down fleetingly and then back at you. No one else would notice it, you’re not even sure Frankie does. You do though. You see how his face changes, the disappointment, something unreadable there too. He shakes his head just slightly.

It’s enough for you to withdraw, to walk towards Clara, making a fuss of her instead.

This is meant to be a family holiday for her, it’s meant to be about Benny and Lia’s wedding.

You can’t do this.

As the steam from the shower dissipates, you notice your reflection looks just a little healthier; a little less weary. While your mind has been running away with you, you realise that the holiday itself might be helping.

You haven’t thought about checking your work emails in days, you haven’t thought about that project or any of it. You feel a little more like yourself again which probably makes sense because you’re at the halfway point now. It always feels like you just start to enjoy and relax in your breaks as the end looms closer.

You place your damp towel back on the radiator and tug at the waistband of your loose trousers one final time. You take a deep breath, applying the finishing touches to freshening up your appearance by liberally spritzing your perfume on your neck and wrists. The warmth of the cardamom scent immediately soothes you further.

You move to put your necklace back on. It’s one you wear every day, you’re not sure how it started but you feel naked without it now. You can’t seem to get the clasp on. The more you try, the more your fingers feel clunky and sweaty and panic rises in your stomach.

You need this necklace to be able to go to lunch, you irrationally tell yourself, adding more unwanted pressure, making your fingers even more slippery.

“Crap,” you exclaim as you almost drop the necklace down the sink.

“Everything okay?” You hear Frankie ask, his soft voice a balm on your panic.

“Uh, hey Frankie, can you help me for a second?”

“Sure, sure. Are you um, are you decent?”

“Yeah, yes, um …” It hadn’t occurred to you that it might have sounded like you weren’t and for a second you try and think about all the scenarios where it might have been something else.

Frankie opens the bathroom door and closes it behind him gently. “Everything okay? You look alright?”

“I can’t get my necklace and I almost dropped it down the sink and - my hands are all sweaty?”

“It’s no problem.”

You hand him the jewellery quickly and he smiles. “You wear this every day, don’t you? I think you were wearing it when we met.”

“I would have been.”

”It’s pretty.”

“Thanks.”

“Can you turn around?”

You oblige, shifting so that Frankie can easily place the necklace around your neck.

“There,” he says after a second.

“Thanks.”

You turn around so you’re facing him. He’s already ready for your late lunch and you can see he’s caught the sun just a little this morning. The guys had been zip-lining earlier after your breakfast in the town - Benny’s idea for a more inclusive, sober, stag event. All of you had already been diving earlier in the week - you love being in the water, it had been like coming home.

Right now, it feels like that moment when you first start a dive though. That momentary pause of doubt as you rely on the oxygen tank, as you sink down deeper into the water’s secrets. It’s exhilarating and terrifying.

You feel like that here with Frankie now.

You move closer to him, taking in the woody scent of his cologne, the slight hint of coconut sunscreen on his arms. He’s here, he’s real.

You’ve missed him.

Your lips are on his without thinking. It’s a move so familiar that it’s pure instinct. You loop your arms around his neck, bringing him ever closer to you so you can feel his torso pressing against you.

He responds, hands in your hair, moving you against the wall as he kisses you deeply.

The two of you don’t need words. You never did.

His hand skims your face, moves down your neck towards your waist as he traces the contours of your body, rests his hands on the edge of your shorts, breathes heavily onto your neck before returning to your lips.

You can feel how he wants you. You can feel the anticipation building in your stomach. You need him, you realises as you trace your fingers on the buttons of his shirt, unbuttoning it and feeling the heat of his skin, noticing the freckles coming out with all the sunshine here. You take in the broadness of his shoulders, the way his lips feel against yours and his hands and you need him to move away from your waistband, beyond your cotton underwear to a point of no return.

This kiss already obliterates that barrier though, right?

His hands finally start to move down -

“Mummy,” your daughter calls and you immediately pull away from Frankie.

He looks at you, breathing raggedly.

“I’ll uh - I’ll go and check on her.”

“Yeah, I just, I just need a minute,” Frankie says in a low voice, his cheeks flushed.

“Right, yes, of course.”

“Mummy? Daddy?”

“Just coming,” you say, rolling your eyes at Frankie’s smirk and the slight shake of his head there. You raise your eyebrows at him.

“Not quite,” you whisper teasingly.

“Well,” Frankie says, leaning in close again.

“MUMMY!”

“Dammit, I can tell you she’s definitely spent too much with Will. Fuck me,,” Frankie mutters. You’re not sure entirely what he means by referring to Will at that moment, but you’re too busy trying to quickly regain your composure, to get to your daughter. It’s something you can store to muse on later.

Reality calls.

The sound of the whirlpool covers the dull tones of discussion from others in the spa area. You take a sip of your tea, leaning back and shutting your eyes.

“So this is nice,” Lia says, the smile evident in the tone of her voice. “I feel like I’m finally relaxing a bit.”

“Good, you should.” How are you doing with all the prep and you - you’re marrying Benny!”

“I know, it’s … I don’t even know what to say. I love him. That’s it - I love him and I want this. I am so ready for this.” Lia smiles happily, tucking a strand of hair behind her ears. “It’s going to be great.”

“I’m so happy for you both, ‘m happy something so good came out of the last year or so.”

“Are you and Frankie - are you two okay still?” There’s caution in her voice. The anxious part of you wonders if perhaps it’s because she’s afraid you’ll ruin her wedding, cause a scene like you did at Will’s wedding. Guilt pools in your stomach because you shouldn’t make your friend feel like this.

You’re desperate to tell her.

I kissed him. It’s on the tip of your tongue, you can feel the words forming.

You want to tell her.

It was a damn good kiss after all.

Something stops you though.

“We’re good,” you say finally. “We’re friends again and we both want the best for Clara. That’s all that matters, right?”

“Yeah. I’m actually really proud of you both. This is pretty damn mature. I’m glad you’re not, I don’t know, just messing each other around. I know it was hard, I know the breakup and everything that happened - you’ve been really strong and I am proud of you.”

On any other day, her words would fill you with pride. Today though, guilt spreads through your body instead, searing heat of anxiety with it.

“So, ”

Your name is called as the massage therapist walks into the spa.

“Later,” you say to Lia apologetically before following the stranger out of the main spa, grateful for her interruption.

Massages are strange. They’re supposed to be relaxing but you find it hard to turn off your brain, the hints of anxiety about the parts of your body you’re less than comfortable with, whether or not you’re being judged and the underlying worry of what if you fall asleep? What if you snore?

This is a surprisingly relaxing experience though - your masseuse has checked her pressure, ensured you’re comfortable and you’re starting to relax a little, to lose a little of that tension you were holding. Soft piano music plays and you shut your eyes, trying to turn off your thoughts a little.

“So are you the bride? It’s a big wedding party, isn’t it?”

“No, my friend Lia is. I’m one of the bridesmaids.”

“That’s nice.”

“They met because of me though. Well, me and my ex.” You have no idea why you’re saying this but surely there’s a privacy code, right? You can’t tell Lia, or Sophia, or anyone. So why not a stranger?

“That’s nice.”

“It was … wasn’t the best scenario.”

“Oh.” The masseuse pays attention to a knot in your neck, releasing some of the waves of tension you’ve felt recently. Maybe that’s what makes you continue.

“We had an awful break up. At our friend’s wedding, who is in fact the brother of the groom. I mean awful too and public.”

“Oh boy.”

“Yep, talk about drama. And I think - no, no, I definitely did. I just kissed my ex today, like a proper in the movies, perfect cinematic kiss. That’s one thing, but I think I might still be in love with him. I’m going to ruin Lia’s wedding too, aren’t I?”

The masseuse pauses, you feel her lift her hands above your body.

“I’m going to give you a free face mask with this. I think - I think you need it.”

Eighteen Months Ago - Will’s Wedding, Florida You’ve been pretending all evening. You have become so skilled at pretending, you think you could give Meryl Streep a run for her money. It’s exhausting though. You’re exhausted. Next to you, Sophia is humming as she opens her lip gloss and tops up her makeup. She’s changed into a different dress for the evening; less dramatic and easier to dance in. She looks beautiful, there’s a warm smile on her face, her complexion is glowing and she looks serene. Part of you hates her for that. “You look great,” Sophia says as she catches you frowning at your own reflection. “I’m so glad you and Frankie are here. the way Will is with him and Santi, they’re as much his brothers as Benny. And after Tom -” “Yeah.” “It was nice that Molly came, right? I think Tom would have liked that.” “Definitely,” you say, even though from how Frankie used to talk about the divorce with Tom and Molly you are not so sure Tom is looking down grinning right now. Tom didn’t make it back though and Frankie barely did. You still don’t know much about what happened, Sophia doesn’t seem to either. The men don’t talk about it at all. You’ve lost your Frankie though. He didn’t need to die to not come back. It just means that no one knows you’re in mourning. You keep hanging on, you keep hoping. You’re sure there’s something you could do better to help get him back. “How’s Clara doing?” Sophia asks. “Great.” She hasn’t slept in weeks, maybe months. Sleep itself is a foreign concept now and no matter what you read, no matter what you try, your daughter just cannot sleep through a night. “And you and Frankie? Are you guys next - should I, uh, aim the bouquet towards you?” You laugh lightly, swallow the bitter taste in your throat and the words you can’t say. “Sure. Shall we head out?” You’re pretty sure Frankie is using again.

Now

You pull yourself out of the memories, not wanting to go any further into that night.

You remember the aftermath all too well though. The DJ was playing Murder on the Dancefloor and the irony of it still makes you almost laugh. Your relationship died on that dance floor to a fitting song.

Flashes come back to you against your will as you try and focus on the spa, on the now.

“I don’t think we can do this anymore. I love you, Frankie. God, I love you, but we can’t.” Frankie’s look of betrayal filtering through the residual high. The heaviness that here at Will’s wedding you’ve suddenly voiced the thoughts that have consumed you for weeks. Liquid courage and the image of Sophia’s face, so full of a hope you can’t imagine anymore, guided you to this moment. “Here, really? You’re just giving up on me?” “Tell me you’re sober, Frankie, swear it.” “Don’t do this here.” “We can’t do this anymore. We can’t. It’s not - I’m done, I can’t, Frankie, I can’t.” Your voice is panicked, rising. Echoed shouts, the feel of stares, so many stares. Music going quiet. Santi and Benny guiding you both away from everybody else. Tears. Yours. His. An ending. It’s over. You can’t come back from this.

You blink back tears. It was a bad break up and it would have been so much easier if you’d ever hated Frankie, if he’d ever hated you. Breaking up because you love someone but it’s not enough is a pain you hope your daughter never has to experience.

He’s different now though.

You’re different.

It would be different, wouldn’t it?

Clara’s curled up, fast asleep in her bed. Soft snores sound as you place your book on the bedside table.

“Hey,” Frankie says softly as he shuts the bathroom door carefully. “She looks exhausted.”

“It’s all that time in the playgroup and sun,” you reply affectionately.

“Do you think she’s having a good holiday?”

“Yeah, of course. I hope so.”

“Me too. It’s good to see her happy like this. I’m glad we did this. For her.”

“Same. She’s going to look adorable at their wedding, isn’t she?”

“Yeah. Can’t believe it’s only a couple of days away and then we’re -”

“I know.” In two days, Lia and Benny get married. You won’t wreck it, you won’t.

You look at the bed, the pillow barrier Frankie has automatically built. Neither of you have spoken about the kiss before lunch. When you returned from the spa and got ready for dinner, you had spoken about Clara and your books and anything but the kiss.

The pillows feel wrong though. You remember the start of the week, how it felt secure to have the pillows between, mature even. You are grown ups, friends and exes and the pillows protected that. However, the barrier is a merely a representation of the line you obliterated earlier. It can’t work anymore.

You’re not just co-parents.

You don’t know if Frankie feels the same though, if too much has happened now for the two of you to forge something new.

The pillows are a weight though. You look at Frankie and hesitantly move one of the pillows away from the barrier.

He smiles, almost imperceptibly and then he does the same from his side of the bed.

With the lights out, there are still so many words unsaid, so many conversations the two of you need to have.

You turn in the bed, feeling the warmth radiating from Frankie’s back. You hear him shift, the rush of air as he turns around and he’s facing you.

“Hi,” he whispers, reaching a hand to touch your face.

“Hi,” you reply.

Perhaps that’s the only word you need right now. The two of you are starting all over again.

Tag List

If you would like to be added to to the taglist please let me know. As a reminder this blog is 18+ - minors do not interact and I block blank/ageless blogs.

LGL tag-list: @morallyinept @la-vie-est-une-fleur29 @beboldbebravethings@spishsstuff @bitchesuntitled@redcake333@missladym1981 @kungfucapslock @dinoflower-reads @kirsteng42 @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @casssiopeia @beboldbebravethings @devotedlyshybarbarian @emilyfarias16 @sageispunk @amyispxnk @lola8888673 @maryfanson @lu62 @ilovepedro@katw474@softstarlite@titlee78@aquanatalie @girlofchaos

Everything Pedro tag-list: @harriedandharassed @pedrostories @hiroikegawa @pedrosaidsheispunk @pastelnap

@leftyreea thank you for the reblog! ❤️

Memories

Summary: What happens when your husband, Dieter, forgets who you are?

Warnings: 18+ minors get outta here! Cursing, fluff, smut, feel good, oral(f receiving), fingering(f receiving), probably not like realistic medical knowledge but it’s fiction 🤷‍♀️

A/N: Thank you so much @papipascalispunk for editing. @jay-zzle for the idea AND the mood board 😍❤️ I really liked writing this and had a lot of fun with it. Hope y’all like it! @schnarfer(it's here!)

Masterlist

“Wait, who said we can’t have fruit bars anymore?” you ask, turning from the pantry to look at your seven year old daughter, Luna, sitting at the kitchen island.

“Daddy,” Luna states matter of factly, “He said that it’s fake food and we should only eat organic stuff.”

“Yeah, we need organic food,” your son Leo pipes in from the seat next to her. At three years old, he is currently in the copy everything big sister says or does phase.

“So, what do you want as a snack in your lunch box then?” you ask, raising your eyebrows, waiting for an answer.

“Uhhh… banana?” Luna shrugs, “Daddy wasn’t very specific on what I should eat instead.”

“Okay but get your breakfast eaten before your cereal gets soggy,” you say, pointing at both before starting on the dishes.

Of course Dieter would be the one to tell the kids not to eat certain foods. The man scolds you every time he sees your Bluetooth headphones – droning on and on about the effects it’ll have on your brain waves and how it’s going to damage your mind. Your relationship with Dieter was a bit of a chaotic whirlwind, meeting randomly on the set of one of the movies he starred in, one your friend was working on the set of.

“Well, hello there,” Dieter had said, standing next to you by the craft table. “Do you believe in love at first sight?”

“Excuse me?” you asked, looking around to see who he was actually talking to.

“Or should I walk by again?” he said with a smile.

“Is that how you get all the girls?” you asked, picking up a piece of cheese and pointing it at him, “Because that shit was pretty cheesy if you ask me.”

“No, trying something new,” Dieter said, cracking up into a giant fit of laughter. “Sorry, sorry. That– yeah, that was pretty good.”

“Bravo needed on set!” someone with a headset shouted in the distance, frantically waving at him.

“Guess that’s my cue,” he sighed, “Hope to see you ar– wait, what’s your name?”

You introduce yourself and he takes your hand, kissing the back of it.

“Pleased to meet you,” he said, repeating your name and winking, “Hope to see you around.”

That was the conversation that started it all nearly eight years ago. Within the first year of knowing Dieter, you were married and pregnant – and no – it wasn’t a shotgun wedding, as much as the tabloids tried to pin it as one.

“Dieter Bravo and Mystery Woman Seen Leaving Las Vegas Wedding Chapel”

“Dieter Bravo Expecting First Child with New Wife – Shotgun Wedding?”

“How Long Before Dieter Bravo Gets His First Divorce?”

You both just knew you were meant to be together. With the birth of Luna, he had sobered up completely. These days he hardly even drinks beer. It’s weird in a way, that he’s changed so much from who you first met, but still the same Dieter in every other aspect. Wild, spontaneous, creative, romantic, chaotic at times, and so loving.

–

“Good morning, my babies,” Dieter says, waltzing into the kitchen, giving each of his kids a kiss on the top of their heads.

“Hi, Daddy,” Luna and Leo exclaim.

“Hello, my love,” Dieter smiles, wrapping his arms around your waist giving you a sloppy smooch on the cheek.

“Ew,” Luna shouts, making gagging noises.

“Yeah, what Luna said!” Leo says, copying his older sister with fake gagging.

“Stop with the fake gagging,” he replies, looking at them, “You’ll make mommy sick.”

“Hi, babe,” you laugh, “Someone’s in a good mood this morning.”

“I want to start doing my own stunts like Tom Cruise,” Dieter explains excitedly, “And I think I’m going to crush it today! I’m supposed to scale a building, don’t worry, everything is going to be totally safe.”

“Seriously, Dieter?” you sigh, “You may say that it’s safe but I’m still going to worry – please be safe.”

Dieter gasps, putting his hand to his chest as if he were clutching a set of pearls. “Babies, I don’t think mommy trusts daddy!”

“Momma,” Leo laughs, perching up on the chair more, “Daddy be fine!”

“Yeah, momma,” Dieter says with a grin, “Daddy be fine.”

“Yeah, okay,” you say, snorting and shaking your head, looking at your watch you realize you’re going to be cutting it close in getting Luna to school on time. “Shit!”

“Mommy,” Luna scolds, “You shouldn’t say bad words like that!”

“Luna, hurry up with your cereal or else you’re going to be late for school again,” you say as you turn to Dieter who is rummaging in the fridge for his own breakfast. “What time do you have to be on set?”

“In about an hour, get her to school. My favorite son and I will be fine here at home. If need be, I’ll tell the director that I’m going to be late. Family first,” he says, “Not like they’d fire me at this point. I’m the entire reason people are going to want to see this movie.”

“I love you so much,” you say, giving him a kiss before ushering Luna out the door.

“Love you too, baby!” Dieter shouts.

–

“I’m back,” you announce from the front door.

“That didn’t take as long as I expected,” Dieter chuckles, “I gotta get headed to the studio though.” He scoops Leo up into a tight hug, “We'll play superhero when I get back home, okay?”

“Otay,” Leo says, pouting.

“Poor baby,” Dieter coos and glances up at you with a smirk, “You sure you don’t want another one?”

“Dieter,” you say, wrapping your arms around his neck, “We’ve talked about this. If it feels right, then maybe, but right now? No.”

“Fine,” Dieter groans, “But the moment you think it feels right, tell me?”

“Promise,” you smirk.

Dieter tells Leo goodbye with the promise of playing superheroes when he gets back home. Your mind begins to wander back to Dieter’s question about another baby as you go about your chores. You start smiling thinking back to when you first decided to start trying for a baby –  lying in bed together shortly after getting married.

“How many kids do you want?” Dieter asked, playing with the wedding band on your finger.

“I’d always imagined three honestly,” you smiled, “Why?”

“I want whatever you want,” he grinned, slotting himself between your legs again. “But if you wanted at least one I wouldn’t mind trying now.”

“D, we just got married a month ago,” you said, shaking your head, “Is that the only reason you married me? To have a baby?”

“Of course not, baby,” Dieter said, linking his fingers with yours and pinning them above your head, “I just know I really, really want them with you.”

“Oh yeah?” you whispered, tilting your head up to capture his lips. He moaned into your mouth, slowly grinding his stiffness against you.

“Yes,” he panted, breaking the kiss.

“Let’s do it then,” you said, nipping his bottom lip, “Fuck a baby into me, Dieter.”

“Fuck yeah, baby,” he groaned.

“Momma!” Leo shouts, pulling you from your thoughts, “Your phone.”

You had been so deep in the memory you didn’t even notice your phone ringing. It’s just Dieter, probably checking in to see how your day is going. He tends to do that while he’s on breaks at work.

“Well, hello, Tom Cruise,” you answer, giggling – except it isn’t Dieter on the other end. 

Instead, you hear his assistant, Andy, saying your name before, “Dieter’s been in an accident. I’m almost to your house, I’ll watch Leo so you can go to Cedars-Sinai medical,” quickly spills out of his mouth, “It’s not good.”

–

It’s been two weeks that you’ve sat beside his bed in this damn hospital, waiting for him to wake up. The doctors are all hopeful that he’ll wake up at any minute, but it’s been two days since he’s been off the ventilator, and nothing has happened yet. The kids keep asking where their dad is, and you don’t have any other answer than he’s sick. 

“Dieter,” you beg, holding onto his hand, “Babe, please wake up. We need you. Luna and Leo miss you – I miss you. Please just wake up.”

The nurse comes in to check Dieter’s vitals for the third time today. Since she’s keeping him company, you decide to head to the cafeteria to get some food, grabbing something simple before heading back to Dieter’s room. When you return, you notice a flurry of activity.

“Mr. Bravo, can you tell me what year it is?” a doctor asks, shining a small flashlight in his eyes.

“Of course I can, dumbass! It’s 2016,” Dieter snaps. “Now will you stop shining that light in my eye?”

“What’s going on?” you ask hesitantly.

“He woke up while you went to get food,” a nurse explains, “We’re trying to make sure mentally he’s with us.”

“Oh, for fuck sake!” Dieter cries out, “I’m fine, never felt better! There, she must be my new assistant.”

All eyes turn to you. This was a possibility the doctor had talked about before – temporary amnesia. Hopefully that’s all it is. The doctor motions you to follow him out of the room.

“He seems to have hit his head harder than we thought. In all honesty, I would try to play pretend with him for a little bit. Try thinking of things that might remind him of who he actually is today,” the doctor suggests. “I’m so sorry Mrs. Bravo.”

Dieter is having a conniption in the room while nurses are trying to calm him down. As you step back in, you see your husband frantically disconnecting and throwing the wires off of his body and onto the floor. 

“Where the fuck is my assistant?” Dieter yells.

“Dieter, D, baby – Mr. Bravo!” you shout and Dieter immediately freezes, eyes wide as saucers. “You need to calm down before you hurt yourself.”

“What happened?” Dieter asks, looking around at everyone.

“We’ll give you guys some space,” a nurse says quietly while ushering the others out of the room. You grab the chair next to his bed and sit down, reaching for his hand but stopping yourself as you notice your ring. Right now, this isn’t your husband. This is Dieter Bravo who believes it’s the year 2016.

“You were in an accident, you hit your head pretty good,” you start explaining to him, “You’ve been in a coma for two weeks now.”

“So, who are you?” he asks, looking you up and down with a raised eyebrow. “I knew my team wanted to hire me a new assistant since things didn’t work out with the last one – didn’t realize they’d pick someone so hot. Would you wanna have sex with me?”

“Dieter, I don’t think you’re cleared for those types of activities,” you chuckle, “I’m here for whatever you might need though.”

“Can you get me my phone?” he asks with those puppy-dog eyes he does best.

“Sure,” you reach for your purse digging around and find his phone, handing it over to him. “The passcode is 332016”

“The fuck? Why would I change it from the classic 42069?” he asks, looking at you with confusion.

“It’s uh… an important day to you,” you say, looking away, not wanting him to see the tears forming in your eyes. The day you met. 

“So, did I have an accident on set?”

“Yeah, you were scaling a building and the cable holding you snapped. You fell a good distance and smacked your head on the ground.”

“Wait,” Dieter says looking at his phone calendar, pointing it towards you, “Why does this say it’s 2024?”

“Because it’s not 2016,” you shrug, “It’s 2024.”

“How long have I been in a fucking coma?” Dieter asks, starting to panic again, frantically searching through the contacts in his phone, “Why can’t I find my dealer's number? I need coke. Wait, you’re my fucking assistant – go get me coke!”

“You’ve only been in a coma for two weeks and the only coke I’ll get you is Coca Cola,” you say crossing your arms, “I won’t let you have drugs in m– the house, Dieter.”

“Wait, my assistant lives with me?” he gasps, “You’re just supposed to come when I call you.”

“Different kind of assistant here.”

“Wait, I can’t have you in my house! I see that ring on your finger – I don’t want to get in between a marriage,” Dieter says, pointing at your left hand.

“It’s– it’s complicated right now,” you shrug.

“Fine, stay in my house, but stay out of my way,” Dieter sighs in frustration.

This is going to be a lot harder than you thought. He doesn’t remember who you are to him. He doesn’t remember getting clean when he married you. He doesn’t remember anything. Going home that night doesn’t help either because Luna wants to know what’s going on with her dad.

“Andy said that daddy woke up!” Luna says vibrating with excitement, “How come he’s not home?

“I had to leave him at the hospital because he’s still sick, honey.” You sit down on the plush couch in the living room, “Come here. I wanna talk to you about something.”

“Okay,” Luna hesitantly says, coming to sit next to you.

“Daddy is still sick. He looks fine but his brain is sick right now.”

“What’s that mean?” she questions, looking at you with the same eyes as her father.

“He doesn’t remember some stuff about his life right now,” you continue, “But we are gonna try to help him get it back. We have to think of the best memories we have with daddy so that maybe he’ll remember better.”

“So, we have to fix daddy?” she asks with tears in her eyes as you grab her into a hug, stroking her hair.

“Yeah, sweet girl, we have to fix daddy,” you say, trying not to cry yourself.

–

What was supposed to only be a few days turned into a week at the hospital. A week of playing Dieter’s assistant and having him boss you around. He was still adamant on getting drugs, but you put your foot down on that one. You weren’t going to let him ruin his seven years of sobriety just because he lost his memory.

“Alright Mr. Bravo looks like you’re all set to leave. Just need you to sign a couple of papers here and then you can be on your way,” the doctor says, handing him the papers.

“Fucking finally,” Dieter groans, “Not that this isn’t a wonderful hospital, but I’d much rather be home.”

“Of course,” the doctor says.

“Will you go ahead and bring the car around? I’d rather not walk too much considering my condition,” Dieter asks, looking at you.

“Of course, D– Mr. Bravo,” you grit through your teeth with the most customer service smile you can muster. That was a new development, Dieter wanting you only to refer to him as Mr. Bravo. You rush out of the room so that it doesn’t blow up into another argument. He’s already tried to fire you twice because of the no drugs thing. You had to make up some story of how you’re in a five-year contract that cannot be broken and tell him three times before he finally bought the story.

Pulling the car around to the front of the hospital, you see him being wheeled out.

“Thank you again so much for taking care of me,” he says, winking at the nurse, “Best care I’ve ever received!”

“No problem at all, Dieter,” she giggles. 

“Could I possibly get your number?” Dieter asks, looking expectantly at the nurse after getting settled into the passenger seat of the car. She shakes her head violently.

“No, sorry,” she says before running off wheeling the wheelchair back into the building.

“Well, that was fucking weird,” Dieter says, looking at you. “Did I do something wrong? Most women don’t literally run from me like that.”

“No, Mr. Bravo, you didn’t do anything wrong,” you growl, “Nothing at all.”

You begin to play a song you hope might bring back some sort of memory of you. With all the hope you can muster you hit play and hear Clint Eastwood by Gorillaz, one of the songs you guys would listen to while you got high together. Dieter starts to chuckle listening to the song.

“What?” you snap at him.

“It’s just this song,” Dieter said grinning, “It reminds me of someone.”

“Oh?” you ask, trying not to pry too much hoping he’ll just continue talking.

“Yeah, I can’t remember what her name is, though. Good lay, that’s for damn sure,” he says, laughing a little, “All I remember is she wasn’t even in the business, she’d call me out on all my shit, and we would smoke weed together listening to this song a lot. I think that’s why I liked her. Wonder what she’s up to these days?”

“Oh um… who knows, maybe she’s still in town?” Your heart swells realizing he’s talking about you, that he remembers some remnants of you. 

“No way!” Dieter says and sighs, “Way too fucking good for someone like me anyways. Probably found some nice guy, got married, has kids, the whole white picket fence shit and everything. She was way out of my league.”

Pulling up to the house you don’t even know what to say to him. He looks almost defeated in a way and then looks confused when he sees the front door opening.

“Oh no,” you whisper, watching Luna run to the car, “Dieter, wait here. Do not move!”

“Why the fuck are there children at my house?” he asks while you’re getting out, but you shut the door behind you, ignoring him.

“Luna, baby, I need you to go back into the house. Daddy’s sick, remember?” you say, trying to usher her back up the driveway.

“Mommy!” Leo shrieks, running to you.

“Fuck – I mean fudge,” Andy says, frantically running out to the driveway, “I was in the bathroom. She must’ve heard the car, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“The hell is going on here?” Dieter’s voice booms while getting out of the car, “I asked you why there are kids in my house.”

“Da–” Luna starts, but you cut her off.

“You two, inside. Now,” you say, ushering them towards Andy. Once they’re inside you whip around to look at Dieter standing by the car.

“You,” you snarl, walking towards him, “Screw what the doctor said. I’ve had enough of this shit. I’m not your fucking assistant so stop bossing me around. I’m your wife – those two are our children!”

“Wha–” Dieter stares at you with wide eyes, “D– DNA Test, I want a fucking DNA test!”

“Dieter, there isn’t a need for a DNA test because they’re your kids. I mean, did you even look at them?”

“Those are not my kids, they look Latino,” he argues.

“Dieter!” you yell, “You are Latino.”

“Oh, yeah,” he whispers, looking down. “So, you’re my wife?”

“Yes, Dieter, I’m your wife. I’m the girl that would get high with you listening to Clint Eastwood.”

“Wild,” he says looking at the house, the ground below him, the yard, anywhere but you “Wild.”

–

It’s been a week at home now, but Dieter is trying his hardest to regain his memory after you lay everything out on the table for him. You show him pictures of your Las Vegas wedding, your pregnancy photos, the kids’ births – he finally relents to the truth when you show him their birth certificates with his name listed under Father. Luna has been trying to show him drawings that she’s done for him, but nothing is working. Poor Leo just wants to play superheroes, but at just three years old, he doesn’t understand what’s going on at all.

One night, after you put the kids to bed, Dieter comes to your bedroom.

“What if we had sex?” he suggests.

“Dieter, I don’t know if that would be a good idea,” you groan, flopping onto the bed rubbing your eyes.

“I’m just saying, what if we did?” he shrugs, “Was just a suggestion, but I get it.”

“Come here,” you say, patting the spot next to you in bed. He reluctantly sits down next to you as you open your arms as an invitation. “How about we cuddle?”

He nods, setting his head on your chest. You can tell he didn’t know what to do with his hands because he’s so tense. You grab one of them and push it around your back, hoping he’ll understand your silent suggestion. 

“Like this?” he whispers, carefully adjusting both arms to wrap around you.

“Just like that,” you hum, stroking the curls at the base of his neck, breathing his scent in for the first time in weeks. Clean laundry, a hint of eucalyptus, and something that’s so specifically Dieter.

“I like this,” Dieter purs, rubbing his head against your chest, “I wish so badly I could just remember everything.”

“I know D, I know,” you sigh, continuing to gently stroke his head, “We’ll get there.”

Dieter moves so his head is in the crook of your neck. You feel his lips begin to place soft kisses against your skin.

“Dieter,” you gasp, turning your head to look at him, “What are you doing?”

“I wanna make you feel better,” he says, giving you those puppy dog eyes you can never refuse. “You’ve had to deal with a lot and this is the only way I know how to try and make things right.”

“Okay,” you whisper, nodding your head. As much as you’ve avoided intimacy with Dieter while his memory was gone, he’s still your Dieter and you miss him. 

He starts nipping along your jaw and down your neck. One of his hands moves to your breast gently kneading it. His lips move down your throat to your chest, making his way down to your stomach and pushing your shirt up. He places several kisses around your navel down to the top of your underwear, looking up at you again for confirmation. “It’s okay,” you nod, giving him the go ahead. He peels them off your hips and down your legs, throwing them to the floor.

Without warning he flattens his tongue, licking a stripe up your seam. Working his tongue against your clit and back down to your entrance. Up and down, up and down.

“Fuck, baby, I’ve missed this,” you cry out, running your fingers through his hair, “Feels so fucking good!”

Dieter starts humming, loving the praise you were giving him. His tongue continues circling your bundle of nerves, hoping to hear more words of praise.

“Taste so fucking good,” he says breaking away, “Best pussy I’ve ever had.”

You grip his hair tightly and shove his face back to your core. It’s almost embarrassing how quickly you can feel your orgasm approaching.

“Please don’t stop,” you moan, “I’m so fucking close!”

Dieter doubles down his efforts after hearing those words. He’s determined to get you off now. One of his hands makes its way to your center, teasing your entrance before plunging two of his thick fingers inside, curling them up to hit that spot only he’s ever been able to reach.

“Oh, fuck,” you cry out, back arching, “Y– yes, just like that!”

He starts grunting, rutting into the mattress, so badly needing to make you come. He knows you’re close, listening to your breathing and hearing the pitch of your moans. 

“D,” you moan, while he grabs your thighs, pulling you unbelievably closer to his face to completely devour you before sliding his fingers back into you. “I’m gonna come!”

“Give it to me, baby, come on,” he says, pulling away panting before diving back in for more, “I need it”. He feels the way your legs begin to shake, your walls fluttering around his fingers.

“Fuck,” you hiss, head thrown back against the pillow closing your eyes, “I– I’m gonna… god.”

Dieter feels your walls constrict around his fingers and hums, collecting your release slowly. He takes his time licking you clean before you push him away, feeling overly sensitive. When you finally open your eyes to look at him, you notice his smile and a glint in his eyes. He crawls back up the length of your body and you grab his face, kissing him deeply tasting yourself on his tongue.

“I can’t believe you married me,” he says, breaking the kiss and wrapping his arms around you again, “Love me forever?”

“Dieter, I’m pretty sure I’ve already proven that I’ll love you forever,” you softly chuckle, beginning to stroke his back.

–

The doctor keeps saying to just be patient, that it’s going to take time for Dieter’s memory to return. But it feels like it’s been forever as another week passes. Everyone is getting frustrated, especially Leo.

“Why is daddy broke?” Leo screams at the top of his lungs, “He no play with me!”

“Leo, Daddy just doesn’t feel good,” you try to explain.

“He no like me!” Leo wails, “He only likes Luna.”

“Leo, daddy does too like you,” you try telling him, “He loves you very much.” 

“No,” Leo cries as you scoop him up as he buries his face into your shoulder.

“Shh, it’s okay, baby. It’s okay,” you soothe.

It wasn’t that Dieter wasn’t trying with the kids, he just didn’t know how. His dad instincts hadn’t been brought back full-force. He was great with Luna –  engaged in conversation with her, drew pictures with her, watched her put on fashion shows. With Leo though, he didn’t know how to interact with a toddler. Leo would get upset and Dieter didn’t know what to do besides call you for help. Before Dieter’s accident Leo was his little buddy, followed him everywhere, would play with him for hours being superheroes or whatever Leo decided on that day.

You were able to get Leo to calm down and because of his tantrum he wound up falling asleep. After putting him in his bed for a nap you went to search for Dieter.

“Hey,” you sigh, seeing him standing by the window looking into the backyard.

“Hey,” he says sniffling, wiping his sleeve against his nose, “I’m so sorry.”

“Dieter, I’m not the one you should be saying sorry to. Leo misses you! I know that you’re trying, I do, but I need you to try harder for him,” you sigh, “I can’t pretend that I even know what you’re going through, but our baby boy is hurting because he misses his dad!”

“I know,” Dieter says turning around, you could now see the tears falling down his face, “It’s just… he scares me! It’s easier with Luna because I can understand every word she says, she can show me things, she doesn’t throw a tantrum every five minutes.”

“Dieter, he’s your son! Not some little monster to be scared of! He’s three and doesn’t know any better,” you scold him, “Like I said, I just need you to try.”

“Okay,” Dieter agrees, wiping the tears off his face, “When he wakes up from his nap, I’ll try.”

Dieter could hear Leo awake in his room as he slowly made his way there.

“Dad-Bomb an’ dude-bomb! To rescue!” Leo says, jumping off his bed with a cape around his shoulders. Dieter stands in the doorway observing him. Why did that sound so familiar? Dad-Bomb.

“Hey Leo,” Dieter says cautiously, “What are you playing?”

“Superhero,” Leo smiles, “Want to play with me?”

“Can I?” Dieter exclaims, “I’ve always wanted to be a superhero!”

“Yeah!” Leo shouts, running to his closet to grab something. He comes back out with a big purple cape with D-B on the back, handing it to Dieter. “Put on your cape.”

Dieter pulls the cape around his neck, tying it so it wouldn’t fall off. He notices Leo’s little green cape he was wearing also had D-B on the back.

“Do we have names, Leo?” Dieter asks, “I can’t help but see we have stuff on the back of our super-awesome capes!”

“I’m Dude-Bomb, you’re Dad-Bomb!” Leo gleefully exclaims 

“Dad-Bomb?”

“Yeah, like ‘da-bomb’ –  means super cool,” Leo giggles.This was starting to feel extremely familiar to Dieter. 

Leo scampers off to his closet again, rummaging through it trying to find something. He comes back holding a piece of paper and hands it to Dieter. Dieter holds it up, staring at it. His drawing of Dad-Bomb and Dude-Bomb, fighting crime together, and it all comes rushing back.

“Oh my god, Leo,” Dieter yells.

He picks Leo up, swinging him around. Hearing the commotion, you start running towards Leo’s room fearing the worst. Rounding the corner into the room, you saw Dieter crying, hugging Leo tightly and swinging him back and forth.

“Dad-Bomb and Dude-Bomb!” Dieter exclaims, grinning from ear to ear.

“Yeah, that’s you an’ me!” Leo announces proudly.

“Everything okay?” you ask quietly, looking at both of them.

“Yeah. March 3, 2016 – that’s the day I met you,” Dieter says, tears rolling down his face.

“Oh my god,” you gasped, “Baby.”

“Yeah, baby. It’s all back,” he says, setting Leo back down and rushing to grab you in a tight embrace, “I’m back.”

This is fantastic! Wish my first time had been that good 😅

unearth [no outbreak!joel miller x virgin f!reader]

summary: When your normally strict parents go out of town for two weeks and leave you on your own for the first time with little warning, you're left reeling and afraid of being on your own for so long. Luckily, Joel Miller, your father's best friend, very generously offers to let you stay with him. Your long time crush on him shouldn't be a problem at all. ratings/warnings: E [smut, yearning, Joel is a little manipulative, loss of virginity, dad's best friend, nice big age gap (reader is 21, Joel is 40), liberal use of baby girl, religious trauma of the Christian variety (no denomination noted), reader wears a sundress, shaming of sexuality, bad relationship with reader's parents, insecurity, flirting, trouble orgasming, pussy pronouns (she/her), humping/grinding, masturbation, unprotected PIV, oral sex, references to early 00s media, soft Joel, i think that's it] wc: 6.1k a/n: please go to @ezrasbirdie-updates to be notified of updates! so i've had this idea for like a really long time but i thought maybe everyone had already done all this so i let it rot in the docs, and then i just suddenly felt the need to finish it. so happy birthday, pedro, i hope you never read this. for all the girlies (gn) with some leftover issues related to sex and purity culture, this is for us<3 special shout out to @mothandpidgeon for the feedback and to her, @swiftispunk, @haylzcyon, and @joeloverture for listening to me yap about this specific fic for months now.

masterlist | joel miller masterlist

It’s summer again. 

Everything is sticky and hot and you’re out of class for another month and a half until your senior year in college starts. Finally—finally you’ll graduate and get out from underneath the thumb of two strict religious parents and live your own life. 

You hope, anyway.

For the first time in your life, at twenty-one years old, they’re on a vacation without you. Really, it’s less a vacation and more of a marriage retreat—something to revive or restore or renew whatever good Christian couples do after twenty-five years of marriage. You’d only been half paying attention when your mother sprang this bit of news on you at their anniversary party, too focused on the idea of being home alone for two whole weeks starting Monday morning. 

You’ve never been home alone for more than a night at most. The dark is scary enough with other people around. A day might be doable, but two weeks? All alone? 

It’s not like you have anywhere to go, either. Your friends from school all live scattered around the country, and anyone you’d had a relationship with as a teenager isn’t the kind of person you want anything to do with now. 

Typical of them, really, throwing you in the deep end and expecting you to figure it out when it’s finally convenient for them that you learn how to swim. They’d done the same thing when it came to driving, too. 

“You’re an adult,” your father had said, after spending the last three years making sure you understood that he’s in charge and you are not an adult. “Figure it out.”

To your surprise, it was Mr. Miller to the rescue. Mr. Miller, your father’s best friend—one of those blue collar working man types that always has a little dirt under his nails. Mr. Miller and his t-shirts that hug the fullest part of his bicep and his big bear hugs that last a little longer lately. Mr. Miller who’s always made you trip over your sentences with his sweet brown eyes and big smiles. 

He doesn’t like it when you call him Mr. Miller, but your parents are insistent about it. He’s never made his own daughter address them by their last names, something that’s always brought you great joy to observe. They’re obsessed with propriety, but not enough to confront someone else about it. 

And you know why. It’s not about respecting one’s elders—they just want to control things. Mr. Miller—Joel—is not one so easily controlled. 

You don’t really understand his friendship with your father, but you suppose it’s not your business to understand. You're not quite sure what close male friendships are supposed to look like, after all. Joel might not know a thing about your father.

When he offers you his home for the next two weeks, you don’t even think of declining, not even in the polite way your mother taught you. Decline once, and then accept. It makes no sense to you, but it’s “manners.” You don’t care about manners right now. 

“Are you excited to have the place all to yourself?” He’d asked after your mom told you. Joel, apparently, knew about it all before you did. You shook your head. 

“Not really. I’m a little scared of staying on my own for so long. I’ve never…I mean, they’ve never…” 

He’d just nodded and you’d quickly grown embarrassed, wishing you’d just lied. His daughter was younger than you, off enjoying life on her own at UT so much that she’d found housing near the campus and stayed there, and here you are, worried about the dark. 

Humiliating. 

But then he’d bumped your shoulder with his and asked, “Why don’t you come stay with me for a couple weeks, sweetheart? I’m not around all that much when I’m workin’ a job, you’ll have all the privacy you need.”

“Really?” You asked. “I mean, my parents, I don’t know if they’ll—but yes! I’d really like that.”

You’d tried to keep your cool, tried not to act too eager, but it was useless. You’d been to his house before, but never alone with him. Not that you thought anything would happen, of course. He was just being kind to you, like he always has been. 

He just wanted to make you feel safe. 

It only takes you a few days to adjust. He leaves early in the morning and comes home late covered in sweat and dirt and sawdust. He meant what he’d said; you really do have all the privacy you need. You wish he’d give you less. Some nights, he sits with you in the living room and scarfs down whatever little meal you’ve made for him. Never anything fancy, just canned ravioli or a frozen pizza, but he looks so grateful every time you wonder how long it’s been since anyone did anything for him.

You might do just about anything for him.

A week into your stay, the heat is relentless—eighty nine degrees at nine o’clock, and even with the air running you can’t stand more than a tank top and a pair of flimsy shorts. You don’t think too much about your attire—it’s July in Texas, after all.

You’re in the living room watching American Idol when Joel gets home. He grimaces at the TV on the way to the kitchen.

“You like that show?” He asks a moment later, leaning against the doorframe with a beer in his hand. His dark hair is curled with sweat, and his jeans are even tighter than usual. How does he get any work done in those things?

“Just the auditions,” you say, shrugging. “Those have to be staged, right?”

He gives a noncommittal nod, coming to a halt in front of the couch. His eyes drag over your bare legs and up to your low cut top. “You warm, sweetheart?” He asks. 

“A little,” you admit, suddenly very conscious of the way he’s looking at you. “It’s no big deal.”

He sits next to you, spreading his legs in that domineering way men do so that his jean-clad thigh presses against your leg. “Bet you’d do good on this,” he says, nodding toward the TV. “Pretty girl like you.”

“I can’t even sing,” you point out. 

“Don’t matter,” he laughs. “With that face? That body? Shit.”

You bite your lip and let out a nervous giggle, too flustered at the idea of him looking at your body at all to answer. You like it, though—it sends a rush of arousal through you, and you cross your legs, hoping it disguises the way you squeeze your thighs together.

“Ah, shit,” he says softly. “I’m sorry, honey. That make you uncomfortable? I’m not tryin’ to be disrespectful.”

“No!” You quickly dismiss his worries. The last thing you need is him thinking you’re some little girl who can’t take a compliment. “Thank you, Joel. You’re very sweet.”

He brushes his knuckle over your bare shoulder and smiles. “You, too, sweetheart.”

Goosebumps flare over the skin he touches, but he doesn’t remark on it. Twenty minutes later, he’s somehow even closer to you, pressed right up against your side. He smells like outside, like he needs a long shower, but all that does is make you want him even more.

He gets up eventually, knees popping with a soft groan, and stretches. “All right, sweetheart, I’m gonna head on to bed. Can barely keep my eyes open.”

You stand, too, not ready to part with him just yet, but lacking any reason to keep him around. Instead, you reach past him for the remote and turn the TV off, pretending like you’re tired, too. You couldn’t be more awake. 

Before you can even try to make yourself leave, Joel slides his fingers underneath the thin strap of your tank top. “This is a pretty thing,” he says. “You usually wear this around the house?”

You swallow. “Am I not supposed to?”

“‘Course you can,” he says, smiling at you and pulling his hand back. “Just can’t imagine your dad letting you walk around in something like this.”

“Well, I’m not a kid,” you say, slightly indignant. “It’s hot, so I’m wearing it. And I wear it at home, too.”

You’re lying.

“Attagirl. Just want you to be comfortable here, sweetheart.” Joel grins and squeezes your arm. You want him to squeeze everything on you like that. 

That night you toss and turn, trying to stop the burning need in your belly. You cup your mound, too scared to try to give yourself any real relief, but you need something. Eventually, you fall into a restless, fitful sleep, haunted by vivid and dirty dreams starring Joel Miller.

The next morning you wake with an angry, insistent throb between your legs. The house is quiet—Joel must have left for the day already—and you know, without a doubt, you need to do something about the wet, sticky arousal between your legs. 

It hits you that you finally can do something about it without fear of someone barging in, too. Your hand trails down your stomach, reaching into your panties, and you let out a long sigh of relief as you reach your hard, swollen clit. 

It’s not so easy, though. 

You rarely get a chance to do this, and you can count the number of successful orgasms you’ve had on one hand. It’s always so much work, and today is no exception, no matter how riled up you are.

You try every way you can think of—on your back, on your tummy, standing, sitting, laying down, fingers in, fingers out. Nothing works. You need something more. 

And then, of course, there is the all-consuming guilt that eats at you, always. Even though you’re alone, even if he’s at work, you’ve been defiling yourself in the house he’s so graciously offered to you, and you can’t stop from thinking of him, touching yourself for hours until your fingers cramp and shoulders ache and you still can’t get there. Tears gather in the corner of your eyes. 

You need this so much. 

It’s been months now, maybe over a year since you’d come. Consciously, anyway. Sometimes you wake up after a particularly erotic dream soaked and twitching and furious. It’s not fair. Why not when you’re awake, too?

But you know that answer deep down. It’d been beaten into your head for years and years: no sex until marriage and no violating your body. It’s disgusting, only dirty girls do that, and you’re not a dirty girl. You were a good girl. You went to church, you did your chores, you babysat your neighbors’ kids for free, you did volunteer work. 

You were a good girl. 

Dirty girls have sex; they let men touch them in ways only husbands should. Dirty girls drink and smoke and won’t make it into heaven. 

You’d been determined to make it into heaven, once. Now, you don’t care so much about some heavenly kingdom. You’re more interested in getting off. 

You sigh and peel your sweaty body off your sheets. Maybe a shower will take your mind off all of this. A shower and a book in the living room, somewhere public enough to keep your hands off of your pussy.

The couch is overstuffed and suede, comfortable and squishy enough to take a nap on without waking up with a crick in your neck. You lay down and pull a book from your bag, intending on finishing all the assigned reading for your Women’s Fiction class before the semester begins. 

Most of the books you’ve read for school, even the novels and short stories have been dry, dense classics—the perfect distraction. It might even put you to sleep. 

After a while, though, you think you might be in trouble. 

A description of a man’s hands has your whole body trembling. Joel has nice hands—large and veiny with a rough palm and calloused fingertips from years of working with wood and nails and power tools you couldn’t name, but that was fine. Maybe he’d show you one day. 

Closing your eyes, you lay the book on your chest and breathe, trying to regain some control. You’ve lost every bit of control you’d deluded yourself into believing you’d had as Joel’s hands invade your consciousness.

He could teach you a lot with those hands, you think. You bet he knows a lot about pleasing women. Maybe he could even teach you how to please yourself. 

You imagine him directing you in that firm voice, praising you for listening so well. Telling you how proud he is of you. That you’ve done such a good job, you’re such a good, sweet girl.

You hike up the little sundress you’d put on after your shower, trailing your fingers up and down your torso and focusing on how soft your skin is. They hit the book spine and a thought crosses your desperate, needy mind. 

Maybe you need something firm. 

Maybe your fingers are too soft, your touch too light, your pillows too squishy. 

Jesus Christ, you’re possessed, contemplating nestling a book between your legs. You open one eye, peeking around for something to distract you from this, anything at all, but there’s nothing. It’s just you and your dirty mind.

You need to get out of the house. 

But as you stand, holding the couch arm for balance, something clicks. Cushioned but firm. Not too wide, not too tall. Your pulse quickens, eyes darting around the room as if expecting someone to pop out, but it’s just you, and this might be exactly what you need.

Despite your solitude, you tiptoe up to your room to grab a used towel from the laundry basket, not wanting to get any of yourself on Joel’s nice, clean couch. You still have a few more hours till he’s home. 

God, you really hope it doesn’t take that long. 

You spread the towel over the arm and hastily remove your panties, so eager the left leg hole is looped around your ankle that dangles off the edge. There’s really no graceful way to do this, and you try not to think about how ridiculous you might look as you press your swollen pussy into the arm. 

It’s…good. 

Shit, it’s perfect; just enough pressure to make your legs tremble. You rock back and forth, feeling yourself getting wetter and wetter, slick pouring out of you as you try new angles and rhythms.  

How had you never tried this before? You let out a soft moan, far too shy to be any louder than that, but it echoes through the room and the sound of your own pleasure spurs you on. 

At first you don’t think of anything other than this feeling, that you want to feel like this always, like it’s some drug you’ve just discovered. But then you see brown eyes and dark hair with threads of gray, that divot in his lower lip as you imagine him taking what he wants, looming over you as he tells you, “Ain’t free to stay here, darlin’.” What else could you do but enjoy it? He’s too big and strong.

Your hips move faster, clit pressing into the surface below you, calves aching with effort. You can see him underneath you now, holding your thighs as you ride him. It always looks like so much work on the videos you’ve seen, but maybe if it feels anything like this it’d be worth it. You’re getting close to something now, arousal sticking to the insides of your thighs as you bite your lips to keep from crying out. You’re almost there, that coil in your belly tightening and tightening, oh, God—

Sunshine pours through the front door and your eyes fly open, suddenly face to face with Joel.

With Joel. 

No, no, no.

You freeze and he stops short, eyebrows shooting into his hairline as he takes in the scene in front of him. There’s no way to make this look like anything other than what it is, especially not with your panties dangling pathetically around your ankle. 

Common sense and burning shame tell you to cover yourself, run away, grab your bags and leave and hope he never ever ever looks at you ever again. 

Fear, though, does something else entirely. Fear makes your body freeze, makes your eyes well up with horrified tears, waiting for some awful reprimand as you sputter out some pathetic excuse. 

Dirty, bad, disgusting girl. 

“I-I-“

The words stick in the back of your throat—there’s nothing that will make this situation any better. He’ll know you’re dirty, he’ll kick you out, he’ll tell your parents what an awful, disgusting—

“I’m sorry,” you sniffle, hoping it means something. 

But he just shuts the door and kneels in front of you, cupping your burning face with his big hands. “Oh, no, no, nothin’ to be sorry about, baby girl. I shoulda told you I was comin’ home. You’re not in trouble, sweetheart, I’m not mad.”

You can hardly make sense of him as he gazes at you with those doleful brown eyes; all you know is that the panic has started to recede, replaced by a desperate, aching need. 

“You’re not mad?” You ask, hot tears spilling over. 

“Of course not,” he says, leaning in to press his forehead against yours and swiping his thumbs across your cheeks. “It’s only natural, baby. Feels good, huh?”

It fucking does, especially with this new feeling in your tummy and the smell of him invading your senses, woodchips and grass and some fading cologne. 

“Mmhmm,” you sigh, not daring to move. “I just—I never—I’m never really alone for long enough to make myself—“

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “You can keep goin’ if you want, I don’t mind. Told you I wanted you to be comfortable here. With me.” 

You start to rock your hips slowly, keening as he pulls your dress up and wraps his hands around your hips.

“Attagirl,” he murmurs. “I know that feels so good. You been needin’ this?” 

“Yeah,” you gasp; you can barely get words out. “Needed—for a while.”

“That’s it, c’mon, it’s natural, baby. It’s so, so good for you.”

You whimper at his words, still too shy to make much noise, but it’s like he can read your mind. “You make all the fuckin’ noise you want, baby girl. It’ll make it better,” he promises. 

“Joel,” you breathe, unthinking, focusing on what you think might be your first orgasm in ages. “Joel—“

“Let it happen, sweetheart. Let it happen. Don’t fight it. Look so pretty, baby girl, look so sexy. Good girl—“

That coil snaps, molten liquid gushing from you. You can hear noises coming from your mouth, but you can barely feel yourself making them. All the focus is on your wet, throbbing cunt.

Joel wraps his big arms around your shivering body when you come back down, kissing your forehead as he lays you on the couch. Your eyes feel heavy, body aching in a pleasant way. 

“That feel better?” He asks softly, kneeling over you with one thigh between your legs. He could take what he wants now, you think idly. You’re all spread out and boneless, and if he pressed himself into you you’d have no defenses. 

And you really, really want him to take it. 

“Mm,” is all you can say with a dreamy smile on your face. 

He reaches down between your legs and spreads your lips with two fingers. No one else has ever touched you there, and it makes you clench around nothing. 

You’ve never had sex, but you understand you want him inside of you.

“Goddamn,” he says. “She’s a pretty little thing.”

Heat blossoms across your cheeks.

Joel watches your face as his middle finger slides down to your entrance, rubbing little circles around it and making you squirm. “Yeah?” He asks. “You want me to play with you more?” You swear something cracks in your neck at your vigorous nod and he grins. “You ain’t ever had anyone do this to you before, have you?”

“No,” you sigh, feeling your voice come back. You clear your throat. “I…you know how my parents are.”

He nods, frowning, and you fear the mention of them might have ruined the mood. But he’d asked, and you want him to know. To your relief, he doesn’t dwell on it. 

“Are you sure, honey?” He asks.

“Do you…do you not want to?” You ask carefully, wondering if he’s trying to back out, if he’s trying to say he doesn’t want this responsibility. 

“No, baby, I do. I really, really do,” he groans, still toying with your pussy. “Just want you to be sure. If it’s too fast—”

“I want it,” you say. Something desperate’s clawing at you, and you might explode if he doesn’t take it right now. 

“Not doin’ this on the couch,” he says. “Gonna do this right.”

You almost tell him you don’t mind where he does it, just as long as he does it now, but he’s pulling you off the couch and leading you upstairs before you can say anything. 

His room has been off limits until now—not as a rule, per se, but as a boundary you’d set. You suspect he wouldn’t have minded if he caught you in here poking around. 

Joel pulls your dress over your head and unhooks your bra, humming as your breasts bounce out of their confinement. He admires your naked body, and you try not to tremble too much in front of him. 

“You okay, sweetheart?” He asks, pressing a kiss to your shoulder. 

“Fine,” you murmur. “Just…nervous. Some of the girls I know said it hurts.”

“Not if I do it right,” he says. “Might be a little pinch, but shouldn’t be a big deal. If it is, you tell me, okay, baby girl?”

He’s so sweet it makes you ache. 

He pulls your nipple into his mouth and you arch into him, surprised and pleased at the new sensation. 

Joel chuckles and presses a chaste kiss to your nose. “Here’s what I’m gonna do,” he says. “I’m gonna eat your pussy for a while, see if we can get you more relaxed, and then I’m gonna stretch you out on my fingers. And then I’m gonna fuck you. Gonna try to make your pretty little pussy come all over my cock, all right? That sound good?”

“Yeah,” you breathe. “I—Can you kiss me?” 

He smiles and noses your cheek, slotting his lips with yours. He slides his tongue across the seam of your lips, and you let him, following his lead as he licks into your mouth. 

A new, shuddering wave of arousal makes you wetter and wetter, and Joel presses his fingers against your clit and rubs. And oh, fuck, it feels so much better than when you do it, his firm strokes sending shockwaves through your body. He pulls his fingers away and sucks on them, and you whine at the loss of attention. 

“Shhh,” he murmurs. “Gonna take my time with you, remember? Wanted this for a long time, baby girl.”

“Really?” You ask. 

“You think I hang around for your old man’s pleasant company?”

You giggle. 

“Might not be able to let you go after this,” he says, kissing down your neck. “Might not want to.” He exhales a shaky breath. “Fuck, baby, can’t believe you’re lettin’ me do this.”

“Can I see you?” You ask, and he nods, shucking off his shirt and unbuckling his belt as quick as he can. You’ve never seen a naked man in real life, and he might have just ruined you for anyone else. 

You don’t know where to look, eyes trailing from his broad shoulders to his firm biceps, down to his soft belly and narrow hips. Nestled in the middle under a thatch of dark curls is his hard, leaking cock, red and throbbing under your gaze. Your mouth waters, wondering what it tastes like, what it feels like in the palm of your hand. 

You’ve read a million books with a million descriptions of thick, pulsing members, seen pictures in magazines and once, when you were feeling particularly brave, on the internet, but nothing prepared you for how much you’d crave it the moment it’s in front of you. 

Maybe it’s not all of them—maybe it’s just his. 

“Can I touch it?” You ask.

“Fuck,” he groans. “Yeah, yeah baby girl, you can touch it.”

It’s heavy, warm and smooth in your hand as you stroke him timidly. He moans softly, flashing an encouraging smile. “Can I taste it?” You ask, thumbing his leaking slit.

“Jesus Christ,” he mutters, nodding. You lick up the back of it before engulfing the head in your mouth, sucking softly and moaning at the salty taste of his precome. 

“All right, sweetheart,” he chuckles, pulling you off. “This is about you, and you’re gonna make me come if you keep on with that.”

You want to make him come, though. 

But you do as you're told, only pouting a little. He pulls your legs apart, throwing your legs over his shoulders to get as close to you as he can. He inhales and shudders, and you hope that’s a good thing. 

“Fuck me,” he says. “Smell so good. Just needs some attention, hm? Look at her, she’s drippin', poor thing.” He seems to be talking directly to your pussy now, and it makes you a little lightheaded with desire. “Think she needs my tongue. Think she needs to come again, get her all ready for my cock.”

He licks you from entrance to clit, groaning the moment he gets his tongue on you. His noises rumble through you, and he presses his finger gently inside of you. 

This is like nothing you’ve ever felt before. It’s all slick and wet, the flat of his tongue pushing against your swollen clit as his finger massages you open. He brushes something inside, something you’ve never felt yourself, and you cry out his name. 

“There she is,” he murmurs. Your vision blurs, squeezing the sides of his head with your thighs. He keeps going, unrelenting, replacing his finger with his tongue as you buck against his face. “That’s right, baby, take it, take what you need.”

You can barely hear him, too lost in the sound of blood rushing in your ears as you snap again, gushing and gushing around his tongue. He works you through it, whispering praise as you tremble underneath him. It feels so good, it all feels so good—how had it taken so long to make it work?

Joel crawls up your body until he’s caging you with his arms, kissing you with all your slick on his lips. “Good girl,” he says. “Took what you needed, came so hard for me.”

You can barely speak, but you do have one request.

“Fuck me,” you beg, because you’ll die if he doesn’t. You need him, no matter much it might pinch or sting in the beginning, you need to be full of him. “Please, Joel, I’ve needed you for so long. I need you, I need you—”

He kisses your face, wiping away overwhelmed tears. “Okay, baby, shh. You’re okay, I got you, gonna make you feel good. You need me?” He asks. There is something soft and vulnerable in the question. You wrap your arms around his neck. 

“Need you, Joel, always wanted it to be you,” you sigh against his lips. He cradles you close, holding you like you’re made of glass. 

“You want me to get a condom?” He asks. 

You shake your head urgently. “I’m on the pill.” 

He only hesitates for a second before he coaxes your legs open and lifts your hips, shoving a pillow underneath until you’re exposed and spread out for him. You feel him notch the fat head of his cock against you and you snake your hand down to feel it, opening yourself even further for him. 

It’s a stretch to be sure, but you’re so wet and relaxed he slides in with minimal resistance. Nothing burns, nothing stings, nothing even pinches—it just feels incredible. The noise he lets out is obscene, long and growling, with his eyes trained on where your bodies join. “Wish you could—fuckin—see this—” He says, shallow thrusts punctuating each word. “Your pussy’s so—fuckin’-perfect, baby girl.”

He’s rubbing against that spot again, the one that had you keening earlier, but you find the area to be even bigger with his thick cock brushing it back and forth. 

Is this really the feeling you’d been shamed for your whole life? This euphoria, this overwhelming connection to someone you’ve cared about for so long? This was the bad, horrible sin that would damn you for eternity?

It doesn’t make any sense. 

It feels so good tears you start crying again, overwhelmed with every tremor and tingle and shock of arousal. This can’t be wrong—it can’t be—and there’s so much freedom in this knowledge. 

Above you, Joel’s eyes are closed in what you think is concentration, and you bring your hand to his jaw to stroke his beautiful face. He can’t know what he’s done for you, what he’s still doing for you, but you can at least make him try to understand. His eyes fly open at your touch, brows knitting in concern at your tears. 

“Baby, do I need to stop? Does it hurt?” He asks, slowing his pace. 

“No,” you gasp. “Keep going. I just—it feels so good, Joel. You’re making me feel so good, didn’t know it would feel so good.”

He readjusts your hips and hits you at a new angle. “My good, beautiful girl,” he moans. “Think you can come again, pretty girl? What do you need from me?”

“Faster,” you beg. You bring your fingers to your clit, still sensitive from earlier, and circle gently at first. And then it builds and builds, and he hits you deeper and deeper, until you feel it happening again. It’s smaller, weaker than the others, but that’s okay, too.

“That’s it,” he moans. “Attagirl, gettin’ so tight, you gonna come for me? Come on, baby, know you got one more—oh, fuck—”

He stops as you clench around him, crying his name again and pulling his lips to yours. Joel swallows all your cries, whispering soft praise as you clench and spasm around him. “Sweet little pussy just needed someone to treat her right, huh? Oh, you needed that so bad. I’m so fuckin’ proud of you, baby girl, gushin’ all over my cock.”

He starts to move again, chasing his own high and massaging your tits as he does. “Love these,” he murmurs. “Gonna come all over these one day.”

One day. 

“Joel,” you whisper, looking into his eyes. “Please.”

He groans loudly and you feel him come with his face buried in your neck. “Fuck, baby girl,” he pants, collapsing on top of you as he finishes.

He pulls out of you, and there’s a soft ache in your chest at the disconnect. Will your heart always feel like a bruised peach afterward, or is it just because it’s your first time? Is it just because it’s him? 

And there’s that whole thing—the fact that it’s him at all. 

Your heart thuds dully against your ribs, all the dopamine and euphoria crashing into harsh reality. It’s not like anything can really happen between the two of you. 

“What is it?” He asks, pulling you into his bare chest. “Why’re you thinkin’ so loud?”

He’s looking at you with soft eyes, tracing his finger down your nose and cupping your jaw. “Y’okay?”

Joel’s not usually so forward. 

Well, that’s not entirely true. He’s not usually so forward with you. 

He’s not the type to chase college tail, or be inappropriate with someone young enough to be his daughter. He’s not that guy, despite Tommy’s constant ribbing over Joel’s interest in you. 

He doesn’t know when you went from girl to woman or when he finally noticed it. He just looked up one day and you were incredible enough to make him stick around despite his increasing impatience with your father. 

He almost feels guilty when he invites you to stay. It’s not that he has any nefarious intentions—not really. Whatever happens, happens. He really does just want you to feel safe. 

But then you make him little meals and walk around in your little shorts and it makes him insane, it makes him do things he shouldn’t even think about. It makes him touch you, tease you, flirt with you in ways he knows you don’t really understand. 

And then he catches you. 

He catches you in the middle of the day, desperate enough to grind your hot little pussy against the arm of his couch, and what else can he do when you look so pretty and small and scared but encourage you? 

He wants you to feel all the pleasure you can, even if it means guiding you there himself. He can’t imagine being twenty one and all pent up, no outlet of relief for that little swollen cunt. How awful it must feel to walk around dripping wet and needy; he doesn’t want that for you. He wants you to feel safe and pleased and satiated, and if he’s the one to do it, then so goddamn be it. If it makes you happy, he doesn’t much care what people think. 

Right now, though, you don’t look happy. Your brows are pinched in thought, head cocked in his direction but not quite meeting his eyes. He curls his index finger under your chin, pulling you gently to look straight at him. “What’s wrong, baby girl?” 

You smile at the name and it warms him. “Just…nothing, really. Just don’t know what happens now. Like, with us. Or if this is it, or—”

“This ain’t it,” he says, more insistent than he intends. “I wouldn’t have done this if I didn’t mean to stick around.”

Your whole body melts, like he’s just taken a solid ton off your shoulders, and you lean into him. “Really?” You ask. “I understand if it’s too much or too weird, you know. I know guys don’t like it when girls get clingy, so I promise I won’t.”

His heart aches at how earnest you are. 

“Don’t you worry a thing about that, sweetheart. I don’t scare so easy,” he murmurs, leaning in for a kiss and nosing your cheek. 

“And you don’t think I did anything wrong?” You ask. 

He frowns. “What do you mean?” 

“You don’t think I’m dirty now?” 

Joel can tell he needs to phrase his next sentence very, very carefully. “No, darlin’. You enjoyed yourself and there’s nothin’ wrong with that. No matter what you’ve been told, all right?”

You nod, not fully convinced, he thinks, but convinced enough. He pulls you in for another kiss—he could distract you from those thoughts, at least. You sigh against his lips, yielding easily to his tongue, and for a while he just kisses you. 

He should’ve done this first; should’ve taken it slow and gotten you used to everything over a period of time, but he’s never claimed to be a selfless man. He lets you explore his mouth and massage his tongue with your own, patient and more than willing to help you figure out what feels good to you. He could do this all day, all week, all month—hell, if he knew Tommy wouldn’t come looking for him he’d just take the next week off and teach you everything you’d ever need to know. 

You moan into his mouth and his cock twitches with interest, apparently recovered from earlier exertions. He grabs your thigh and pulls, urging you into his lap and smiling against your lips at the gasp you let out when you feel his cock nudging at you. 

“Joel,” you murmur. “Joel, can we do it again?”

He cups the back of your neck and squeezes softly. “Of course, sweetheart. Need more already?”

“Yeah,” you breathe. “Is that okay?”

“‘Course it is, darlin’. How ‘bout we try somethin’ different this time?”

You nod vigorously as his hands slide down your body and squeeze your hips. “Yes, please. Please, Joel, teach me everything, I wanna know everything.”

Joel shudders underneath you. 

“Say it again,” he growls, lining his cock up with your messy pussy and bottoming out.

“Teach me,” you gasp. “Please.”

a/n #2: if i had a nickel for every fic that had someone getting caught fucking a couch i'd only have two nickels but it's weird that it happened twice, right?

dividers by @saradika-graphics

Aww! Thanks for adding my little story to this! 😍 Can’t wait to read the others on it

Outtakes - Non-smut vol 2

AO3 | Kofi | Main Masterlist | The Spreadsheet Masterlist | vol 1

Hi friends! Sometimes we want fics that are SFW or we just want to make ourselves sad or we need a little pick me up. I'm here with a list of fics that have no (explicit) smut as of posting! They may have smutty thoughts or mild allusions to smut, but those are marked in the warnings!

Summaries and tags are, in most cases, provided by the author - please be sure to read them as some of these fics may have content you do not wish to read.

updated 3/27/2024

i wonder if you stopped his world like you stopped mine

Frankie one shot by @chronically-ghosted

watching the woman he loves be with someone else is killing him, but for your sake, he manages. But when Benny's birthday loosens him up, he can't help but bear his soul over a phone call. Too bad you don't pick up and he's forced to leave the evidence in a voicemail.

pining, light angst, idiots in love, country music as a catalyst, romance, tw alcohol, tw drinking, hangovers, ultimately very fluffy

Ezra's Journal Entries

Ezra series by @littlemisspascal

This journal’s as good a place as any to admit the honest truth. So here it is: I wish with the entirety of my bloody, beating heart I could be the man you deserve, little love of mine. — Ezra recovers after the events of the film with the aid of a journal and the love of his life.

angsty fluff, Ezra’s dealing with the aftermath of the Green, language, 1st person POV (Ezra), dialogue in italics, angsty fluff, night terrors, PTSD, Ezra dealing with the aftermath of the Green, language, overuse of space metaphors, grief/dealing with loss of a sibling, mild reference of past injury, Part 11 could be read as suicidal ideation so please skip/be warned of that segment due to possible triggers

midnight strikes, where is my prince

Frankie one shot by @undercoverpena

he had been your neighbour. a man you'd stare at through blinds when he’d been on the front lawn. a man you’re now staring at through splintered shards of your mirror—because he saved you.

ANGST 😂. there’s mentions of a break-in. frankie is there and he has a gun, so you know we’re okay. angst. inspired by a scene from scandal-if you know, you know

The District Sleeps Alone Tonight

Marcus P one shot by @whataperfectwasteoftime

I am a visitor here. I am not permanent.

angst, breakups, mentions of Teresa x Patrick Jane

Constellations in his eyes

Dave York one shot by @janaispunk

Your fiancé stands you up on your birthday. Dave doesn’t.

infidelity, shitty boyfriend, angst, fluff, kissing, able-bodied reader, reader has hair, no use of y/n

The One

Dieter one shot by @schnarfer

If one thing had been different, would everything be different today?

Bit of emotional torment, drink and drugs references, Dieter POV, happy ending? Always Fleabag coded.

House Arrest

Dieter one shot by @rulexofxnines

Dieter stays over at your place out of desperation. Things get out of hand so you take control of the situation.

forced proximity, only one bed, a goat

The Howler Monkey

Dieter one shot by @covetyou

You got him here, he was safely tucked away upstairs and everything was going, mostly, according to plan. So, who the fuck is screaming?

no smut but some nudity, implied drug use/addiction, little bit silly, mildly angsty, performance anxiety, screaming, Dieter Bravo's soft cock. basically mild hurt/comfort/fluff with my usual bit of silliness.

Vampire!Dieter

Dieter one shot by @chronically-ghosted

Interview with a vampire, gatsby style

flirting, a bit of blood, maybe dubcon due to The Thrall but i think it's safe to say we all want It from vampire!dieter

Paint With Me

Frankie one shot by @bitchesuntitled

You have a crush on the dad of your daughter’s best friend.

Sexual innuendos and cursing

Door Number Three

Javi G drabble by @morallyinept

Javi shows you what he keeps behind that mirrored door

Character talk alludes to sexy things.

The Infinity Cube

Various Pedro Boy series by @littlemisspascal

When you play with a strange cube, you’re transported out of your current reality with your boyfriend Marcus into brand new ones starring alternate versions of your boyfriend who look and act entirely different every time. With each encounter, you start to wonder if you’ll ever make it back to your real universe?

language, fluff, angst, references to sex but no smut

Happy Reading!

Thank you for including my little story on this list! 😍

Sanctuary update - new works and authors added ⋆｡°✩

thinking of rescheduling updates to twice a month. work is a b*tch

random fics of the day ⋆｡˚

Consuming internet content is your own responsibility. Most of it is 18+, also mind authors’ notes.

If you'd like to recommend a fic - welcome here, or tag me :3

by @kyberblade — Give It To Me In Basic — Din Djarin

by @always-andromeda — cardigan — Joel Miller

by @theclairvoyage — Centrifugation — Joel Miller

by @undercoverpena — in the locker room — Frankie 'Catfish' Morales

by @nonexistent-introvert — Lost — Joel Miller

by @thefrogdalorian — The Arrangement — Din Djarin

by @deakyjoe — Not A Place, But A Feeling — Joel Miller

by @yellowharrington — wildflower and barley — Joel Miller

by @oliviajdjarin — The Shittiest Goodbye — Javier Peña

by @ezrasbirdie — starstruck — Dieter Bravo

by @slvtforoldermen — Birthday Morning — Javier Peña

by @punkshort — roommates — Joel Miller

by @sawymredfox — Monsoon — Din Djarin

by @endlessthxxghts — Dr. Miller — Joel Miller

by @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin — Sun To Me — Javier Peña

by @the-ginger-hedge-witch — Turns — Frankie 'Catfish' Morales

by @cavillscurls — crimson — Joel Miller

by @tightjeansjavi — Rosy — Joel Miller

by @lunitawrites — Heavy Rain — Joel Miller

by @joelsgreys — what he didn’t do — Joel Miller

by @saradika — invisible string — Din Djarin

by @the-scandalorian — like a moth to the flame — Din Djarin

by @goodwithcheese — Light — Joel Miller; Sight — Dave York; Fight — Jack Daniels / Whiskey

by @chronically-ghosted — fade into you , stay sexy and don’t get murdered — Dieter Bravo

by @jobean12-blog — Slow Ride — Joel Miller

by @juletheghoul — Castaways — Frankie 'Catfish' Morales

by @burntheedges — Worth It For Once — Frankie 'Catfish' Morales; caught in the rain — Marcus Pike

by @opheliasflora — I Could Find My Way Back — Marcus Pike

by @bitchesuntitled — Paper Rings — Marcus Pike

by @ladamedusoif — Coup de Foudre — Lucien Flores

by @ozarkthedog — KNUCKLES DEEP , BREATH BY BREATH — Joel Miller

by @kedsandtubesocks — be your hallowed ground — Ezra

by @bitchslappin — Figure Studies — Joel Miller

by @fuckyeahdindjarin — Voicemail — Joel Miller

by @rhoorl — Weathered In — Frankie 'Catfish' Morales

by @mothandpidgeon — It’s a Bad Wind that Don’t Blow Somebody Some Good — Ezra

*smooches*