You Are Enough

you are enough

post-4x04 pre-4x05 ficlet for @renecdote

Buck is jealous of a dead boy. It’s ridiculous and unfair, but it’s like he’s twelve years old again, and the feeling coils tight and hot in his chest. His hands tremble where he grips the photograph, and he tries his best not to crease it, doesn’t want to ruin this precious thing that somehow meant more to his parents than the children they still had. 

The thing is, Buck has spent his whole life feeling like he’s a step behind, living in the shadow of someone he could never name. He’d done everything he could think of to break down the barrier between him and his parents, but he never could. Never knew why. Now he’s got a name for that shadow, a face, but it doesn’t feel any better. 

“Daniel,” he says. He hates that it comes out bitter, because the boy in this photo—his brother—doesn’t deserve it. He hadn’t done anything wrong. He’d simply had the audacity to live just long enough for his parents to pour their love into him, and then take it with him to the grave. 

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no one ever talks about gimli being not even slightly tempted by the ring. motherfucker had no hesitation just walked up with his axe and immediately tried to wreck it. obviously that didn’t work but like, the ring had zero visible effect on him. amazing… gold sickness in the line of durin WHOMST?? not in gimli son of gloin

i wish the pedro pascal dilf extended universe a very pleasant evening

Okay, so, it took me a while to gather my thoughts but uhh, here they are.

The 9-1-1 fandom has a very big.... victim Buck circle in which they villainize every other character if they so much as make one mistake/joke towards Buck and I hate that. (ESPECIALLY during the lawsuit drama in which people honest to god said with their whole chest Buck was bullied and harrassed like Hen and Chim were when they first joined.)

However, these past two weeks really has been feeding us with Buck angst and every one of his feelings are valid. His anger, his exhaustion, his disappointment. I feel for him. I loved every minute of the episode, actually.

I did have to unfollow someone today who legit posted "more content of Maddie being the worst sister" and holy shit, please.

Maddie is not a bad sister. She was forced to take on a parent-type role for her younger brother after the other brother died. She kept secrets in a household where love and affection suddenly stopped being given and then ended up in an abusive relationship in which she had to keep that a secret as well and I'll be damned if the fact she wasn't being forced to keep secrets already didn't contribute to that.

Buck's anger at her is valid, she lied to him and abandoned him at one point in his life. She had her own circumstances and reasons for doing so and if people don't stop ignoring she was in an abusive fucking relationship and got beaten almost to death and regularly abused by this guy, mentally and physically.

Maddie did her best for Buck. Her best wasn't always what Buck needed. Those two sentences can exist without canceling the other out and without turning Maddie into some terrible person who was never there for her brother. She was, as best as she could be.

Sometimes, your best isn't enough for the other person involved. That's the honest truth of things. What Buck needed when he left was her but that was not something she could give him at that point in time and it's not her fucking fault.