"There Is No Light Without Shadow, And There Is No Happiness Without Pain" (Final)

"There is no light without shadow, and there is no happiness without pain" (Final)

This is the final draft of a story I recently did. Found it was a little underdone, and decided to spice it up a bit.

THIS is how I think Nine being in Sonic's universe would REALLY go.

TW: Nine Pain, emotional agony, and implied thoughts of suicide

============================================

This is the fox Sonic knew, a person so happy and cheerful it blinded him of cruel nostalgia, almost mocking him of something he used to have. Something precious, something you can only have once. And Nine never got to savor it, as it was taken by the cruel fists and harsh oppression of life. He turned jaded, covering the last purity he had under a shield of snark and hatred for the world he was forced to grow in.

This fox, who wore his tails proudly, letting them grow, never hiding them in a sleek metal cocoon, smiled a smile Nine longed to have again, their blue eyes shimmering with wonder as they gazed upon him, as if he was worth their curiosity, of such innocent curiosity.

Nine swallowed an odd lump in their throat, feeling that pain in his chest. And he hated it. All of that cheerfulness, that sweetness, that gentle, naive soul the fluffy fox gave the world when Nine never had a chance; he loathed all of it.

But this was the only way to even be in the same world as Sonic, this is the only way he can be with Sonic, the only way he can be alive. So he tolerated the fox. He wasn't buddy-buddy with him, but he tried not to be hostile or rude. Everybody assumed he was just being grumpy old him, so they didn't look too much into it, not even Sonic. Nine soon found that, even when surrounded by the friends Sonic spoke about, even when conversing and going on adventures with them; he was still alone.

It was then, watching the hedgehog's and fox's brotherly bond, watching them happily engage in each other's company, watching them give each other support, playing, adventuring, eating chili dogs, battling with Eggman that he realized, Sonic didn't feel bad for HIM, never saw HIM, gave compliments and affections not to HIM; it...was all for...

all...because he was...

He felt a strong and dreadful feeling. It was a feeling he never truly felt before, one of pain, of grief, of the tiresome torment of depression:

Despair.

Bitter, unmerciful despair. It swallowed him whole, sinking him deeper into its tired, hopeless depths. It mocked him of how hopeful and foolish he was, thinking HE could possibly be happy and loved, thinking HE could be in such a beautiful world, thinking HE would never be alone again.

Nine didn't try to struggle, didn't try to escape it. Not because it was too late, there aren't any other better outcomes for him than this, but because it just wasn't possible for ANY of those to come true.

What was the point of fighting against something that was true, of something that was clear right in front of you?

But...Sonic would worry. He'd ask him what was wrong, would be deeply troubled, would be hurt or sad if Nine ever told him. He would try to cheer Nine up, would be by Nine's side, when just being in this happy world made Nine ironically more miserable than he'd ever been, when all Nine wanted was to be alone.

So, he stayed aloof, despite wanting company so bad, he stayed snarky, no matter how much it made him want to kick himself, he stayed strong and fierce, because he didn't deserve comfort that was meant for someone else.

He stayed broken and in secret sorrow, because it's the only way to feel that he's his own person; because he's just the broken, suffering shadow of someone who's fixed and happy.

Nine found he hated this world. Hated the cheerful chirping of flickies, hated the spicy chili hitting his tongue, hated the idle and natural chatter around him, hated the doctors worthless cries of disbelief when they would take apart his pathetic excuse for robots (just shut up), hated the company of those who saw him as another Tails (justleavemealone), hated looking at the fox he was once a part of, hated walking on the ground, hated breathing the clean air (i don't want to breath now), hated being in this hell place, hated...

...he hated being around Sonic now too...that was the only reason he...wanted all of this...the only reason he was still alive...the only reason he fought with blood and sweat...

and now...

...

(i don't want to wake up anymore)

He never voiced these of course. They might be confused, or angered, and he didn't want to see the stupid pity in their gaze, or they might work on reverting him back since he was so unhappy.

Even if they felt sympathy for him, they wouldn't be able to truly understand this awful feeling, they would think he was worrying over nothing, and more importantly:

They wouldn't be able to help him.

So he swallowed down that feeling, ignored the frequent headaches, ignored the stinging in his eyes as he watched them bond with love, love that was never meant for HIM. (who could love a freak like me)

He walked on the colorful, welcoming knives with a perfect smile of false joy, ignoring the pain.

This was paradise after all...

And he was so happy...

so

so

happy

happy

happy

happy

happy

he

couldn't

ask

for

anything

else

Life Form With PTSD Meets Broken Eight Year Old (lol)

When that thing the kid and Shadow first interacted, Shadow had found him in what looked to be Eggman's base, only it seemed to be falling apart, debris and burning parts of the structure crashing and falling to the ground below in a city the doctor must've managed to take over. The civilians of the city surrounded the suddenly burning headquarters, curious on what happened. Just seeing the city brought shame and slight sadness to him. However, upon hearing about prisoners and people still being in there, Shadow went inside to try and help them to safety. The ruined and bleak state of the world he was supposed to protect, to keep safe, a godawful hellscape, with a giant building falling apart in the middle, revealing the insides like a blooming flower from hell.  He had a slightly morbid curiosity on who would do something like this and then sudden and unrelated rage that this to be because of Sonic shattering the world. If that blue idiot had just listened to him!-

He was interrupted from his raging thoughts when his ears perked up to metal clinking around on the ground of the long halls. He originally tensed thinking it was a robot, however, he quickly noted that the metallic foot falls were far too light and too fast for a tin robot. Not a second after that note, the shadow appeared in front of him at the end of the burning hall.

When he first saw the kid in the long hallway, he was originally unable to see them due to the fire behind it casting the thing in shadow. But when a part of the burning ceiling collapsed in front of them - and startling the life form into taking a sudden step back (the kid didn’t even flinch-) -  bringing it to light, he didn't know what to think or say out of shock and slight disgust. The sight of a convoluted, bruised, and starved jack-o-lantern, crawling around like a spider on metal tails, should’ve been the first clue that the fox wasn't stable.

The kit look awful. His fur was matted and tangled, heavy eye bags made dents underneath foggy blue eyes, blue eyes that didn't seem to have any thought behind them, that told a tale of indescribable horror, pain, and sorrow in them. They weren’t even looking at him, only staring ahead at a nothingness only they could see. He had several burn marks all over his body, neck, arms, legs, everywhere Shadow could see; some fur having been fried or shaved off, revealing pink, scorched, scabbed skin. His... clothes (when did Tails wear clothes?) were crumpled and ripped at some places, revealing uneven scars beneath. But the worst part was the overall state of his body. Vibrant golden fur was now pale and dull, chunks of it ripped, burnt, or shaved off, once a naive and childish face looked deeply worn and older, and his body now had barely any muscle or fat, exaggerated bone outlines and skeletal anatomy was the fox's vessel now.

Shadow didn't know if this was a child he was staring at or a decaying, walking corpse.

It took a couple of moments for Shadow to even realize that this was Tails, the cheerful fox kit that followed Sonic everywhere. Whatever this hollow, battered shell was wasn't cheerful in any way.

Staring back at him, this child, they looked more fragile, more lost, and completely broken.

Once he processed this, he cautiously approached the fox kit. While he never particularly cared for the kid, he knew he couldn't leave them like that, couldn't leave anyone so young like that. Besides, he knew of the fox's smarts as everyone else did, perhaps the fox could help fix everything the blue idiot broke. Approaching them, he called their name...

And immediately knew this wasn't Tails as their head suddenly snapped harshly in his direction (he thought their neck was going to break).

He was grabbed by metal, sudden sharp tips of the skinny metal tails nearly dug into his skin as he was slammed harshly against the wall. He gagged, surprised at the uncharacteristically aggressive act from someone he thought he knew. Looking down, he was met with the second clue when he saw a harsh and...unnatural scowl. It was more feral, more akin to that of an animal. The kit's teeth was bared, eyes wide-eyed and buggy, and his body twitched slightly. The words the child screamed harshly met Shadow's ears.

"it's NINE, NINE not tails NEVER tails you never listen never never never-“

Realization washed over Shadow like cold water. So this wasn't Tails. This was a variant of the fox. A rather erratic variant at that. He made a unintelligible noise, trying to speak but the metal was squeezing too tightly-

The third and final cementing clue about the kit's disturbing mental state was when fox began to ramble and mumble, asking Shadow how 'they' are still making things like him. Rambling about games, about tricks, and other nonsense Shadow couldn't understand. Taking the chance, he used the fox's self-imposed distraction, kicking them away. They grunted, landing on the ground like a puppet - landing hard on their face, limbs sprawling beneath him at an almost unnatural level - before weakly, but somehow quickly, righting themselves, launching himself at the black urchin once more.

Shadow felt a slight sting of pity at the pathetic sight,

Before long, the life form quickly got the upper hand, pinning the malnourished fox and explaining he's real, how he accidentally thought the kit was Tails. The kit paused somewhat, then asked how Shadow knew that name, just now registering it through the hazy fog of insanity. Broken blue eyes then noticed Shadows gloves, and they widened when they saw the odd things Shadow took from Sonic.

"Th...those are...", the fox began to mumble with horror and fear. As his brain slowly registered it, he began to hyperventilate, tears beginning to form, tears of horror, of fear, of cruel, unforgiving grief.

(no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no this cant)  As Shadow paused, taking note of the kids horrible reaction, he quickly moved off of them in an effort to give them space, taking a few steps back for good measure, hoping to calm the kid down so he could explain everything.

(be real this cant be real this cant be this cant it cant it cant please it cant be real why why

why why why why why why why why why why i failed im a failure failure failure w

orthless worthless worthless stupid fucking idiot you knew it was too good to be true

you knew it was too good stupid stupid this has to be a dream please be a dream wake up wake up wake up

wake up wake up wake up please please this cant be happening)

He still kept his guard up, just in case. Yet, the kid, Nine, only laid there on the ground, unmoving, eyes blank and glossed over, the little chest that rose with labored breaths not hardly moved at all. Shadow stared after what felt like hours, as the kid stared blankly at the burning ceiling,

no (this monster did he did he did he no no no it can't be those are they're)

thought

(he took them he saw sonic he hurt sonic I failed i'm a failure they were supposed to but

they failed i failed i've always been a failure how could i think this would change useless fucking worthless) behind them at all.

Shadow was suddenly thrown back harshly, like an unwanted toy, with sudden force from the sharp metal tails, and he was thrown harshly as haunting, horrid shriek echoed throughout the wide halls, mixing with broken wails as the monster seeped in lonely sorrow and rage. 

(he's dead he's dead he killed him he did it I failed no no no sonic was gone the grim was pointless I lost my chance I'm so stupid so worthless so stupid im going to kill him im going to kill him i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you you did this you killed him murderer you did it you did Sonic had so much life he was so alive)

The fight continued after that, the two dancing around flames, and Shadow dodged much harsher and animalistic blows as the nine-tailed fox screamed and asked over and over again what Shadow did to Sonic, where Sonic was. That he would kill Shadow, that Shadow took the only thing he had left, the only reason he endured ‘their sick games’. Shadow tried to explain, but it was clear there wasn’t any rational thought in the screaming, sobbing demon anymore.

Shadow didn't know how it happened, perhaps it was the harsh wounds he got from the kitsune that left him slightly weaker or maybe he was distracted by the pitiful state of the thing, but there was a sudden, harsh blow to his head, and everything went black.

@casketfactory you’re giving me ideas…

This scene genuinely made me feel so sad. Nine was so hopeful. He wanted to start something new with the person he truly thought was gonna be on his side. He felt so hurt and rejected, but despite his anger and hurt, he didn't want to just leave Sonic there

Someone help this poor kid 😭

"There is no light without shadow, and there is no happiness without pain"

This is the fox Sonic knew, a person so happy and cheerful it blinded him of cruel nostalgia, almost mocking him of something he used to have. Something precious, something you can only have once. And Nine never got to savor it, as it was taken by the cruel fists and harsh oppression of life. He turned jaded, covering the last purity he had under a shield of snark and hatred for the world he was forced to grow in.

This fox, who wore his tails proudly, letting them grow, never hiding them in a sleek metal cocoon, smiled a smile Nine longed to have again, their blue eyes shimmering with wonder as they gazed upon him, as if he was worth their curiosity, of such innocent curiosity.

Nine swallowed an odd lump in their throat, feeling that pain in his chest. And he hated it. All of that cheerfulness, that sweetness, that gentle, naive soul the fluffy fox gave the world when Nine never had a chance; he loathed all of it.

But this was the only way to even be in the same world as Sonic, this is the only way he can be with Sonic, the only way he can be alive. So he tolerated the fox. He wasn't buddy-buddy with him, but he tried not to be hostile or rude. He stayed aloof, despite wanting company so bad, he stayed snarky, no matter how much it made him want to kick himself, he stayed strong and fierce, because he didn't deserve comfort that was meant for someone else.

He stayed broken and in secret sorrow, because it's the only way to feel that he's his own person; because he's just the shadow of someone who's fixed and happy.

Hi :)

So how do you like the thought of Nine becoming a villain ?

Not in a " wanting to take over the World way " but in a " I want Sonic to stay with me and and do everything to keep his friends away from him " way ?

I find it very interesting.

After all, there has NEVER been an instance where Sonic and Tails truly fought or became enemies for a LEGITIMATE reason (never saw why archie!sonic decided to cuck his brother, even if it WAS to protect Tails, not to mention Tails was probably EIGHT so he couldn't get with Fiona anyway; but I found it hilarious instead of serious).

I'm curious on how they develop it. From what I've seen so far it isn't going to be the generic "Sonic abandoned me so I want him dead", looks like Nine WANTED to be captured anyway, and besides Nine IS a logical person so he probably would've figured out that Sonic was pulled out of New Yolk against his will again.

It's also probably not going to be Nine keeping Sonic against his will, he let Sonic go when the hedgehog first refused, not to mention it being WAY out of Nine's character to do so and the yandere vibes.

I'm REALLY curious on how it would go. Regardless on how it goes, three things are going to happen.

Nine is going to betray Sonic in some way.

Nine will be against Sonic if it DOES happen.

It will HURT.

Fucking Crying Over Here About Prime Again (Yes I have An Obsession With This Show, So What?)

Did anyone else notice a sort a cycle with Sonic and Nine, or what hopeless situation Nine is trapped in? I mean I didn't at first but thinking about it now it's becoming kinda obvious.

Let me start with the pattern part first. When Sonic and Nine had that brief moment of trust and friendship Sonic was sucked into the shard away from Nine, leaving the kit alone, confused, and most likely worried and no doubt hurt. When Sonic and Nine end up in the Grim and Sonic chooses to go and help the rebels, leaving Nine alone again, leaving him with the horrible feeling of rejection and loneliness one more. And finally when Sonic goes to look for Nine he unintentionally leaves Nine once again at the mercy of the council.

Now you might be thinking, so what are you saying? Well, did anyone else pick up on the fact that it wasn't just a moment of events, but it was the fact that Sonic leaves Nine in an even WORSE psychological state the more he unintentionally gets pushed away (either by the literally universe, or even Nine himself) and repeatably abandons Nine?

In the first moment of unintentional pain, Sonic gets sucked into the shard, Nine being concerned, confused, and no doubt conflicted, being left alone to ponder in his own worries and thoughts, even after he escapes the council. (Another thing is how he abandoned the rebels and Rusty to find a way to find Sonic, mostly due to his nihilistic and loner mindset, but a small sliver of it might've been due to Sonic disappearing without a teace. The only person who was EVER kind to him)

The second moment leaves Nine even worse, Sonic gently shutting down the Grim DID NOT take away the pain and probable gut punch Nine felt. Nine noticably doesn't yell or snap at Sonic (his noticable changes I'll mention in another post). In fact he seems to bitterly try to swallow that rejection. He pushed himself away from Sonic in that moment, obviously trying to protect himself from the pain, letting him go back and help the rebels, not forcing Sonic to stay (even thought he could've easily done so, he didn't, which again, I'll talk about his noticable character change in another post). Sonic leaves and Nine is left with his own thoughts, to gulp down on that emotional pain on his own.

The last time is when Sonic unintentionally leaves Nine to be captured. From the scenes we see, Nine isn't having the time of his life. He's tased relentlessly, having to dealt with the fact that the person he saw as his only friend rejected being together with him, AND left him when he needed his help on top of that. Not to mention listening to plans of murder.

Imagine: You're an eight year-old child who's been bullied and ostracized by everyone around you, being abused and neglected for something you never asked for, then after YEARS of pain, isolation, and loneliness, you find someone who tells you of another life you could had, someone who shows nothing but selfless concern and care for you, and that same person gets taken right in front of you, leaving you confused, hurt and alone again for what was stated to be WEEKS. Then you build a space ship so you can find him, finding a home for the both of you, when you finally see them again though they reject your idea of a perfect world. In your head: they reject you. You let them go, deeply hurt, but come back to help, only to be captured by tyrannical dictators, abandoned again by the only friend you had. You now have to deal with the undeniable fact of them rejecting you, being stuck with cruel but idiotic dictators who talk about KILLING someone you thought cared for you, and even when you manage to pursue them against it, they talk about draining them, about essentially torturing them to death. ALL OF THAT combined with the emotional trauma of a year long abuse, living in a crap sack world of cruelty and misery, being alone, hated, AND continuously blaming and hating yourself for years, AND the future mental toll of the revelation that it took someone from ANOTHER WORLD TO MAKE YOU FEEL LOVED AND SAFE, BUT IT WAS ONLY BECAUSE THEY SEE YOU AS SOMEONE ELSE, SOMEONE YOU COULD NEVER BE.

It REALLY makes wonder how Nine hasn't fucking SNAPPED.

But something tells me season two is going to get a lot worse for Nine. This series is about Sonic going through redemption to save the world, and Shadows eventual realization that communication takes using your words than using your fists, AND questions just how far a super genius child's mental state and psyche can last when our through isolation, horror, and depression.

But hold on, because I'm about to make this so much worse.

Which brings me to my second point of this post.

I can't remember who rn (mainly because I'm tired as fuck and writing this at 6 in the morning) but someone mentioned something that got me thinking; Nine's entire goal, his entire dream, his SUFFERING is beginning to seem all for nothing.

If the theory that Sonic collects the shards and boom worlds fixed is true, what did Nine suffer for? What did Nine fight for? What did Nine keep going for? All of that pain, that isolation, that psychological horror he experienced and will probably continue to experience, all of his efforts would be for nothing. His goals will never be fulfilled, Nine will never be able to truly win. He'll never be happy.

Either:

He'd just fade from existence and merely become another trait in someone he desperately wants the life of and refuses to be known as.

He'd get rejected by Sonic and would have to suffer this revelation. HARD.

He'd find some way to force Sonic to stay, but in a world where the hedgehog can never be truly happy in (Sonic values freedom above anything else, not to mention his considering of his friends as his home and his insatiable thirst for adventure). And given how Nine seems to want BOTH of them to be happy in the Grim (given his uses of 'we' and 'our'), it would still be for nothing, not to mention it most likely won't make Nine happy either from the sheer guilt or self hatred he'd be in.

He could prevent Sonic from getting sucked into any more shards or in the ShatteredSpace, but seeing how Shadow found a way to escape the void, it wouldn't last very long.

He could find a way to join Sonic in his world, but either reality would collapse and all of them will die or he'd have to live a life being seen as Tails's doppelganger and not a true person, not to mention to undeniable jealously and emotional torment he'd face seeing the fox's and hedgehogs unbreakable friendship.

He could betray Sonic and take over the multiverse, but he'd be hated even more than ever, seen as a monster, not to mention it would completely ignore and trample upon his goals of wanting to be happy. He'd still be fucking miserable.

He could join the Council, but same problem as the one above, only this time he's still trapped in New Yolk with a bunch of cruel dictators.

He could sacrifice himself, but he might never find peace in even that, knowing he's just a mere doppel in Sonic's eyes, knowing his efforts were futile, still rendering his actions to nothing.

No matter what you think of, Nine is still going to be miserable, dead, or reduced to a possible fate worse than death. Nine can't be happy. He can't ever win.

(Which makes my constant tag of #NineDeservesToWinNoMatterWhat pointless too, but I'm going to continue to stand by this. He deserves to win, he deserves happiness more than ANYONE.)

But it's truly depressing that Nine is a person that nobody, not even Sonic, can save. In fact, while Sonic can help and give Nine the unconditional love and support Nine definitely needs, hes inadvertently making Nine's mentality worse not just by abandonment, but by his views of Nine as a doppelganger of his best friend and not his own person, which would undoubtedly take a huge chunk of Nine's psyche, his inability to accept Nine (both as this being a part of Tails, and also due to Nine being a Tails in his eyes, again he still sees Tails), his rejection of Nine's Haven, and the WORST PART OF ALL: Giving a hope that Nine can never grasp.

Sonic gave him a hope of palm trees and beaches. A world of joy and love. A world with Chillidogs and the two of them together. Forever.

But Nine can't ever grasp it, he can only claw and scrape the edges of it, he can only stare at it and make useless prayers for it to come to life. For once, Sonic's hope, his kindness, his friendship, but these normally good things only made things even more painful, even more hopeless, to the person who needs it the most.

And that's fucking traumatizing to think about.