As Much As I Love The Stardew Valley Spouses It Always Kinda Bugs Me That They Stay Stagnant After You

As much as I love the Stardew Valley spouses it always kinda bugs me that they stay stagnant after you marry them. Like even after having kids and passing a decade in game they look and act the exact same? Anyway what if

Bachelors and Krobus are here!!! Thanks for your patience ^^

(Also if you like these and want to see them smooching YOUR farmer, my commission info is here :3)

Sam is literally Bard(silly) while Elliott is Bard(slut)

You can’t change my mind

Stardew Valley Bachelor & Bachelorette D&D Classes

Harvey- Cleric or Wizard

Sebastian- Wizard

Sam- Bard

Shane- Ranger

Alex- Fighter

Elliott- Bard or Paladin

Maru- Artificer

Abigail- Warlock or Sorcerer

Penny- Rogue or Druid

Emily- Monk

Haley- Barbarian

Leah- Druid

Reasoning:

Harvey is being typecast as the healer class because he's a doctor, sorry. But also he gives big wizard vibes because that man has studied. Why not a paladin? Because paladins are beefy and I think Harvey would actually die if someone punched him.

Sebastian is a wizard because he codes and that is a strong wizard activity right there. Also I imagine in a fight he would prefer to sit in the back and cast spells rather than be up in the action.

Sam plays the guitar and has that shonen protagonist charm, so he's a bard.

Shane loves his chickens and so you know he has to be the class with the animal companions.

Alex could be typecast as the barbarian because he's buff and likes American football (my bad I mean gridball), but I feel he's far too cool-headed to be the barbarian. So into the fighter class he goes.

Elliott has strong bard aesthetics due to his whole...everything, but I can also see him being the character that gives a motivational speech about strength and virtue before a fight and that is strong paladin vibes. And in the words of my brother, "He has a paladin chin."

Maru loves building robots so you know she's gotta be the artificer.

Abigail seems like the most likely to make a deal with an entity for power, so that's why I can see her being a warlock. But also the Wizard is almost certainly her father, so she may have some magic in her bloodstream.

Penny...hear me out. Penny is a bit of a wallflower, so I can see her inadvertently filling the role of the rogue and sneaking around. But also she really loves nature and I can see her pursuing the art of becoming a druid.

Emily is the only character in Stardew Valley with the zen, inner focus, and serial killer eyes to channel magical energy through her body and use it to punch someone really really hard.

Haley is probably the character that uses her angry portrait the most often, so you know she's gotta be the barbarian. I can see her as one of those girls who got into a lot of fights in high school and she would fight dirty--we're talking hair pulling and scratching.

Leah lives close the woods and she loves all the little forage items, so she is the strongest candidate for a druid.

Sooooo I got my first writing prompt based off my earlier post.

Sam and Hailey are somehow in the mines?? What a weird match up but I can do a summary of that.

Sam is in the mines because he got curious on why it was considered so dangerous meanwhile Haley needed a specific gemstone that could only be found on the ice floor of the mines, the frozen tear. She asked the farmer to get one for her but the farmer fell ill and she got impatient. The two blonds saw each other at the top of the cave leading to the mines and decided to go in together. What could possibly go wrong?

Girl, everything. Everything went wrong.

Turns out, when you go to a dangerous floor of the mines with no armor, no knowledge on how to block attacks, and you are shit at dodging, monster attacks can really hurt. Sam was the offense, he was the only person that brought a weapon, these two dingbats didn't even bring a good pick and with Haley being.... Haley, mining was slow.

The result? Haley got her frozen tear at the cost of Sam's health and her own, Sam passed out and Marlon arrived just in time to see Haley struggling to drag Sam out of the mines while also being attacked. Marlon carried Sam out of the mines while Haley followed and they both got scolded for going so deep in the mines with no experience.

They agreed to never talk about this again.

saturdays are quite the handful for lewis...

i accidentally napped and had a dream (nightmare?) where a new update for stardew valley released where everything was the same except on a random day in year 3 Evelyn would just straight up die. There was a whole cutscene that started in her house where she collapsed, and then transitioned over to the hospital where Harvey gave George and Alex the worst news of their lives. However, they got to speak to her where she said something along the lines of "Yoba will protect me, and I am sure he will let me watch over you."

Alex and George would not talk to the player for more than a few words for a full season after this event. George would spend most of his time in the bedroom, so if you had less than 2 hearts with him, you could barely ever speak to him.

And Alex... oh my god, poor Alex. If you were married to him during this event, he just stayed in bed all day. Otherwise, if single, he would just stand on the beach most of the time, staring off into the ocean. If you tried to interact with him, it would just say "Alex is grieving... Better leave him be."

There was also other NPC dialogue like mayor Lewis saying "I haven't seen the community in this state of mourning since your grandfather passed..."

there was also a glitch where you could make Evelyn live forever and there were entire guides for the "immortal Evelyn glitch" that got patched out in the next update. If you tried to perform the glitch after the patch, mr. Qi would tell you that "hey, it happens to all of us. We can't prevent it, and neither can you, no matter how hard you try."

I want to thank everyone so much for the support on my timeskip bachelorette art!!! Glad you were all excited to see the boys. Hopefully I didn’t keep you all waiting too long and hopefully I did them justice! Here they are! (and Krobus)

(Also. If you like these and want me to draw your farmer smooching their spouse, I can! My commission info is here)