Buttmonke - Shitpost Central - Tumblr Blog
Being a child with anger issues is so funny to look back on because like
What was going on with my purely violent behavior towards little boys when I was a child
Drama queen much Jesus Christ grab a fucking water bottle and go sit down
Stop trying to look tough so that people will think you’re cool just let it go dude you’re like 3 feet tall
opinions on women
they’re pretty great but I’m dating one so I might be kinda bias 🥸
Shoutout to women
Rp with an uninteresting fact about ur self,
I drink one black coffee every day and have since i was 12
kind of hate my stupid caustic pussy for dissolving my underwear over time but it's kind of cool, like, scientifically
remember, before you post, think SMART
Start discourse
Make up arguments
Ad hominem
Reading the post is for losers
Talk without thinking
the entire plot to 8 mile…
i love being pretentious
“Ugh i love your outfit!”
I know 😌
“You look so good.”
I know 🤭
“I wish I had your style!”
I FUCKING KNOW IM AMAZING BITCH
working in a cafe near your house is such a funny experience
You’re rolling silverware one minute and the next you’re getting coffee for your 8th grade history teacher and his wife
You’re cleaning menus and then you see your old friend’s dad and you have to get him a fucking omelet
does anyone else keep a quote book in their notes?
In mine I just write the quote with absolutely no context no name no nothing and going through them is like my absolute favorite pastime so I’m gonna share some of my favorites in no particular order.
“SO YOU PISSED IN A PUMPKIN?”
“Winner winner chicken dinner, it was porn.”
“Hold on, soup moment.”
“You are my personal compost bin and eat my daily banana peels.”
“Call me when you have naked statues in your yard.”
“What’s a bronie? A brown pony??”
“YOU’RE THE APPENDAGE.”
“He’s spiritually Canadian.”
“Don’t question the artistic choices of Soulja Boi.”
“I’ll make it sit in the idea jacuzzi.”
“2% skin milk.”
“I announce when I have to shit, you don’t shit. We are not the same.”
Okay so if men are supposed to open doors for women
If two men are going up to a door and one is fem gay and the other is trans
Would the trans guy open the door for the gay guy in a gentlemanly gesture
Like “after you! Femboys first :)”
Idk im just shooting the shit rn
This will make you cry.
"you shouldn't bite the hand that feeds you" if you insist on treating me like a beast then you can't be shocked when i play the part
i HATE being sick I have so much trauma from covid and I have to wear a MASK to SCHOOL rn and I feel so fucking gross and disgusting and I just know that there’s some stupid fucking baby in the world that’s like “omg I wish I was a teen during Covid that would’ve been so romantic blah blah blah” I’m gonna fucking suffocate a baby dude get away from me and never speak to me again u dick head stupid whore get a grip on reality
source
I must not mock Gen Alpha. Mocking Gen Alpha is the mind killer. Mocking Gen Alpha is the little-death that brings total generational solidarity obliteration. I will engage with Gen Alpha lovingly. I will permit them to be cringe. And when they grow up I will turn my eye to their accomplishments. Where mocking has gone there will be nothing. Only generational solidarity remains
thinkin about that one time I went to a community theater musical and I went to the bathroom and saw a toilet seat with bite marks all over it 😛
I wanna know if it was yummy delicious
Whoever committed this atrocity… was it worth it?
I want an old house soooo bad
I want the creaky stairs that you can hear in any part of the house
I want the weird under-stair tiny door that has peeling paint rolling off of it
I want the concrete basement with the cold spot and the hot spot
I want all the scary doors and halls and big elaborate floor plans that make no sense
give me that 200 year old house that’s lopsided baby I want it all