HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Omg.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA omg.

NEW YORK, NY—In a late-night show interview Wednesday, Senator Bernie Sanders politely asked the nation to please stop mailing him books on basic economics, revealing that he’s been “absolutely flooded” with works on the most rudimentary concepts of supply and demand.

Sanders made the request after receiving yet another daily shipment of books from well-meaning Americans who simply assumed that he has never read a book on the subject in his life.

“I’ve got 1,200 copies of Human Action, 1,500 copies of Basic Economics, and 4,700 copies of Economics in One Lesson,” the angered senator said. “I’m drowning here.” Sanders also showed the late-night host a small mountain of children’s books on the subject of economics from the easy-to-read Tuttle Twins series, sent to him from Americans who assumed he had somehow missed classroom discussions on the value of a dollar and supply and demand while in elementary school.

Sanders further confirmed he still hasn’t read a single one of the books, stating that they look like they’re “full of harsh facts” and that he prefers a more emotion-based approach to economics. He added that he’s “a little peeved” that our nation has so many choices for books on basic economics on the market. “Do we really need that many?”

At publishing time, Sanders had arrived to one of his other houses and began screaming at the sky in anger upon discovering fifty-eight more books on basic economics had been mailed there.

He 10000000% dug it out of a dumpster somewhere like a fucking raccoon .

This fandom is really missing out on all of the conversations we could have about Matt’s vest. 

I’m fucking crying cause you sent that text drunk off your ass and I CACKLED.

4 9 11 for the ask meme pls!

I shared two different ask posts, so you’re getting the answers to both of them! 

4: Have you ever dyed your hair? I dye my hair regularly, actually. Right now it’s black, but it’s been purple, blue, pink, blonde, etc. 

9:  What are you really bad at? Being on time for literally anything. I have, like… No concept of time whatsoever. 

11: Are you nice to everyone? I try to be! (Which basically means: I am until the person in question gives me a reason not to be.) 

4: Are you easy to get along with? I’ve been told yes, and I’ve been told no. So I guess… 50/50? I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. 

9: Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? Not at all. Sex is just a normal part of life, so (to me) talking about sex is like talking about any other normal event. 

11: What does the most recent text that you sent say? “I cannot stop looking at your pentagram. SUCH CRAFTSMANSHIP.”

sleep scale

12+ hours: hell yes. decadence has a name and it is ME. the dream. im marrying  my bed you’re invited to the wedding. i might feel groggy and angry for the rest of the day when i actually do get up but WORTH IT. 

12+ hours (ALTERNATE): i am deeply clinically depressed and approximately three (3) inches from death at any given moment

11-10 hours: ideal. im functioning at perfect 100% capacity my body and mind are a well oiled machine. im ready to knock out all my errands and chores in under an hour, work a full day and then study that language im trying to learn

9 hours: good! i could have slept longer, but getting up was no great horrifying trauma either

8-7 hours: the “””””medically recommended amount””””” for adults, but in reality more like a “fine, i GUESS” amount. normal mild levels of angst at having to get out of bed

6 hours: silent unceasing internal groaning for at least the first hour after waking. dont expect any kind of quality conversation for the first 2 or so hours. ive got a Less Than Medically Recommended Amount Of Sleep, that means im a martyr right???

5 hours: pretty unpleasant. feels gross. expect a moderate crash during the late afternoon. this is the first number that is considered worthy of entry in a college student sleep-measuring contest. altho if you try to enter with 5 hrs dead-eyed hordes will instantly materialize from the bushes and one-up you “5 hours??? HAHA SWEET SUMMER CHILD. I HAVENT SLEPT IN 3 YEARS”

4 hours: a Very Poor Decision. deep seated, incoherent rage upon waking that persists up to several hours. consume large amounts of your stimulant of choice, but you’ll still feel like a cave troll. constant aftertaste of chemicals and regret

3 hours: half awake half walking in some astral plane haunted by the wails of the newly-dead. children and animals fear the emptiness in your vacant eyes. a very respectable entry to any sleep-measuring contest. you’ll still get beaten by the “2 hour” and “all nighter” people, but everyone knows this is Bad

2 hours: you can get up, but only by rending your soul from your physical body in a paroxysm of agony, since it will refuse to leave the bed. you are now soulless and will feel absolutely zero emotion until sometime in the late afternoon/early evening when your soul returns and ALL the emotions will hit at once, leaving you alternately sobbing or creepily hyena laughing

1 hour: you fool. you imbecile. your hubris and weakness has brought you to this point. they are coming. you cannot escape. why didnt you just stay awake. why didnt you just pull the all-nighter. the strength of your no-sleep headache threatens to stab through your skull like an ice pick. all you can taste is blood. they are comi

0 hours: THIS ACTUALLY ISNT AS BAD. HAHA I’M NOT EVEN THAT TIRED! WATCH ME DOWN 15 MOUNTAIN DEWS IN 15 MINUTES. I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING IN MY EARS ISNT THAT WEIRD. WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY EYES ARE BLOODSHOT AND I CANT FOCUS, IM COMPLETELY NORMAL RIGHT NOW. GUYS I CAN HEAR COLORS.

if ‘get low’ was an indie tune (mumford and sons are shaking)