Dean Winchester Week | Day 4 - Deans Friends And Family

Dean Winchester Week | Day 4 - Dean’s friends and family 

Swingin Party

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 809

Warnings: Self Hate, Implied heavy drinking, Implied Smut, A few swear words

A/N: I wrote this in bed while listening to Lorde and drinking Pinot Grigio like a little gremlin 

If being afraid is a crime

We hang side by side

“You just don’t fucking get it do you?” He roared as he followed Y/N closely back to her room.

“How AM I supposed to get it when you don’t ever talk to me? You are only vulnerable when you’re off the bottle. I can’t help you! You push and push me away until the guilt eats you up once you’ve gotten drunk enough. You crawl into my bed, fall into this same cycle of self pity, fuck me and then leave.”

Tears streamed down her face, ruining the remnants of makeup on her face. She tugged at the hem of the flannel she found on the floor of the Impala, blood stained hands ruining the edges. She stood at her door, watching the man before her. He ran his fingers through his hair as he braced himself against her doorway, his eyes pleading to be let into her room.

“Dean, I can’t do this anymore. You know how I feel. I live the same life you do, but you make it out like you’re the only person that understands any of it. This whole “I can’t be loved” shit is complete and utter bullshit and you know it. You’re just afraid to be vulnerable. You can go up against the most powerful creatures in this universe but you’ll always be a coward, just like your father.” Y/N went to shut her door in Dean’s face, his boot stopping it with a thud.

“Never compare me to him. I am nothing like him. He fucked it all up for me and Sammy. I loved my baby brother. I always took care of him before I ever worried about myself. You don’t get to throw that in my face. I am nothing like him.” His jaw clenched, bracketing Y/N against the doorframe.

“You’re afraid.” The anger coursing through her veins suddenly settled, his eyes held an amount of hurt she could never begin to comprehend.

Dean’s knuckles whitened as he gripped the door frame above Y/N’s head. “How can I not be when you pull shit like this? I care about you too much to let you do this to yourself. Being around us almost got you killed today. You were never meant to see any of this. I can never give you what you want, I won’t. ”  

Y/N sighed “You know you really piss me off right?” She let out as she reached her hand up to caress the scruff that was forming along his jawline. He pushed his face into her hand, his eyes closing.

“I am too ya know? Afraid. I always worry about what tomorrow holds. I worry every time you walk out that door, I wonder every single time if you leaving is the last time I’ll see you. I know none of this makes any sense, our lives don’t make sense. It’s frustrating you were dealt these cards, but the hand you were dealt doesn’t mean you can’t have something that makes it all a little more bearable.”

It was Dean’s turn to lift his hand to her face, settling against her cheek,  his opposite hand brushing the stray hairs away from her damp eyes.

“You just don’t deserve any of this.” Dean sighed as Y/N pushed herself away from him, sitting on the edge of her bed, a place where you both always seemed to forget that anything mattered.

“Who are you to decide what I deserve?  We both deserve so much more than what we have. I’d give you the world if I could, because in my eyes that is what you deserve. I want you, all this shit included. Yeah this life has taken everything away from me but it gave me you. I’ll be damned if I let it take away the only thing I love.”

Dean lifted his gaze from the ground, reaching behind him to shut his door. “You love me?” Y/N braced herself on her elbows as she leaned against the mattress, her eyes meeting his. The look on his face making her heart twist in a way she had never felt before.

“Always have and always will. We may never get the life we both deserve, but I know we deserve each other.”

Dean closed the distance between them, his hands traveled up her sides once he finally reached the bed. Their lips moulded together like it was the first time they’d been here, the whiskey on his breath made her weak. His hands roamed her body, causing Y/N to arch into his touch.

“I know we are both afraid, but I hope that when you’re with me, you feel safe. You deserve it all.”

“I guess you had something else in mind for dinner?”

Day1: Harvest

Doing this thing

Eileen + Signing requested by @strugglingbutstillfighting

“Lexa is the love of Clarke’s life” - Eliza Taylor (2018)