If I Were A Woman, I Would Tweet Ginger Snapped So Jennifer Could Body, But Im Not A Woman, And I Dont

if i were a woman, i would tweet “ginger snapped so jennifer could body”, but i’m not a woman, and i don’t use twitter, and i haven’t seen jennifer’s body, and i don’t make a lot of money or have a car or look nice

i love modern aus where people make a point to emphasise how old-brained xie lian is. he probably thinks minion memes are funny and signs off each text with “- Xie Lian” in case people forget who they’re texting. uses emojis that a facebook mom would. when sqx sends “😭😭😭” to something funny he genuinely believes they’re sad. perfect punctuation and grammar. hua cheng thinks it’s so endearing and will go against every instinct to reply to a severely unfunny meme from xie lian (which is a screenshot of his entire screen and the meme is maybe half visible if they’re lucky) with “🤣🤣🤣” excessively because when he used the skull emoji before in response to a similar message, xie lian didn’t understand and thought he offended and/or killed him. things get a bit more bearable when sqx introduces him to kaomojis, unless you’re mu qing then that’s worse because xie lian will use them in almost every sentence and it drives him insane. i also think if he had a touch screen phone he’d butt dial people so often so thank god he’s got a brick, or at best a flip phone

Post canon fengqing fr

hualian invented love

“I can fix him” I couldn’t fix him and I don’t want to. I think he grew prone to biting and scratching in order to get by in a harsh world, and to me his resilience is part of what makes him so beautifully himself. I could be kind to him, though. I could show him gentleness. I could, slowly but surely, in the same way one earns the trust of a skittish stray cat, convince him that my touch will never come accompanied by pain. That, around me, he can allow himself to be soft. To relax. I could be the one he associates with warmth and safety, the one he longs to be held by after a hard day. I could be his home.