Ah Sorry Im Just Dumb (having ADHD My Whole Life Has Meant That Ive Been Criticised Heavily For Making

“Ah sorry I’m just dumb” (having ADHD my whole life has meant that I’ve been criticised heavily for making mistakes that come part and parcel with the condition. Even the people I love most in the world have chastised me for mistakes that I spend much of my life worrying about and trying to avoid. It’s much easier to tell you I’m just a silly guy than explain to you that no matter how much effort, how much thought, how much stress I put into avoiding these same mistakes, I will keep making them over and over again. My brain is structurally built to thwart me throughout it all.)

The person I reblogged this from deserves happiness and love

🫂

Pinky promise

Jos Cleary-Lopez x fem! reader

Warnings: age regression, angst w/ fluffy ending, crying, temper tantrums

“Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise.”

You were lucky you didn’t have to deal with this until today. Maybe not lucky, maybe you’ve done a pretty good job forcing yourself to believe that you could keep it together every time. Today, you’ve finally reached your breaking point. After unintentionally slipping into regression in one of your last few classes of the day, you couldn’t pay attention. As a result, your teacher was very unhappy about it and asked to talk to you after class had ended.

You asked for permission to use the bathroom, and took your phone with you.

‘Will be late.’ You sent a voice note to Jos, ‘Need to talk to Wade.’

‘I’ll meet you there, baby.’ She replied, knowing that something had happened since you never sent her voice notes usually. You’d typically only do this when regressed for easier communication— she’d re-taught you how to do that while you were regressed so you knew what to do if you needed her. This was also one of the ways to let her know you were regressed.

When the final bell of the day went off, students filtered out from the classroom. You sat at your desk waiting for most of them to be outside already before you walked up to the front of the room where Mrs. Wade sat. You were clutching onto the strap of your backpack for dear life, ridiculously anxious and feeling like you could cry any moment.

The door creaked open, Jos’ head poked in the door, “Hi, I’m here for y/n.”

“I only asked to talk to her.”

“I’m aware, Mrs. Wade. But I think it’d be better if I’m present.”

Wade’s brows were raised, confused, but she allowed it. “y/n, I need to know why you’ve been becoming less and less attentive and participative in my classes lately. At first I thought it was just a long day, but it’s becoming more frequent, I can’t keep excusing that.”

Jos could tell the teacher was more concerned than angry, but you were already overwhelmed and also struggling to understand the question.

“‘M sorry, I don’t mean to do that.” You managed.

“Is everything okay at home? Because I’ve been hearing very similar things from your other teachers. Or are kids here bullying you?”

You felt that lump in your throat, and tears were brimming in your eyes. Jos stepped forward, “Um, have you been notified by the school about her age regression?”

The teacher looked surprised. “I— have not. Is that what this is? She has documents with the school, does she not? I’m so sorry, I wasn’t aware.”

“Just yesterday, our math teacher called her stupid in front of the class because of this. Obviously that did not go well. You’ve actually been the most calm teacher of hers I’ve seen when it’s been brought up.”

“So…the school’s been giving her, and you, problems?” Wade’s gaze softens watching you fiddling with the strap of your backpack and picking at the skin of your thumb.

“Well, the school knows. It’s more so the teachers that add onto the problem.” Jos answered, grabbing ahold of your hand so you would stop.

“I want to make sure my students feel safe here. They may need to be here to study but I don’t want to just be here to teach. What can I do?”

“If it happens in your class, she’ll likely asked to be excused so she can use the bathroom. Because she needs to inform me, I’m her caregiver. She isn’t too independent when in the headspace. Neither does she have the ability to be doing schoolwork of this level. So, I usually sign her out and take her home until it passes. I catch her up on any missed schoolwork and assignments, though, of course.”

“You’ve talked to her other teachers before, you said?”

Jos nodded.

“I’ll talk to them again for you about it. It’s not right if they make things worse for her by reprimanding her or, worse, humiliating her in front of other students. When she’s in my class, don’t worry about it— I’ll let her do what she has to do to reach you. She isn’t the first student of mine who deals with this so I made sure I went to learn more about it.”

“Alright.” Jos nods, giving the older woman a tight-lipped smile, “We’d really appreciate that, thank you.”

Wade smiled in understanding, “I’ll let you girls get on your way. Bye-bye.” With that, Jos took you by the hand and left the classroom. She wanted to take a left and go for the exit, but you yanked her to the right— towards the bathroom. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

You sprinted for the bathroom and before she could even process what was happening, you were throwing up into the toilet. Fuck. Were you unwell or was this because of the sheer anxiety you felt when Wade singled you out to ask to talk to you?

————

It was from the anxiety. Jos made sure you were okay and not sick before she allowed you to do whatever you wanted to do— no fever or signs of infection whatsoever. ”You feel better?”

You nodded wordlessly, still picking at the broken skin on your thumb. “Hey.” She coaxed, “Let go of that, cariño.”

You bit your lip, annoyed by that request. “Baby, it’s gonna hurt if you keep doing that.” Jos continued. You huffed, scurrying to the middle of her bed and wrapping yourself under the covers. Stubborn, that’s what you were. She was too, and honestly she found it amusing. “You’re gonna ignore me, aren’t you?”

“No.” You pouted while facing away from her. She sat down on the floor on that side of the bed just to talk to you. “Nap time?”

You shook your head. “Okay.” She replied. “What do you wanna do?” Jos asks, stroking your cheek. “Nothing.” You said back with a soft sigh.

“Alright.” Jos smiled softly at you, “Do you want anything? A snack? Juice?”

“No.” You answered shakily.

“Hey, you’re safe with me, sweetheart.” She brushes a fallen tear away. “You’re safe with me.”

You could only manage a nod as you swallowed the tears. Your emotions were still running pretty high, but you were doing better now that you were in way more familiar environment. You didn’t want to cry anymore, you were tired of that.

“Snuggles?” She suggested. You agreed, nodding your head, lips tugging into a little smile.

Jos climbed into bed with you, settling herself right next to you. “Hi.” She chuckles, brushing the stray hairs out of your eyes. You slowly snuggled up against her, face smushed up against her chest. Sniffling, you allowed yourself to start relaxing at last, your pointer finger tracing the ribbed pattern on her top mindlessly. Your eyes…followed your hand as it moved along on the fabric.

“My tummy hurts.” You muttered.

“Worse? Or a little better than just now, baby?”

“Better.” You told her, “But owie.”

She shushed you, rubbing your back, “I know, I know, baby. It’ll be okay in awhile, alright?”

“I don’t like itttt.” You wailed.

“I know, love. I hear you, I’m sorry.” She continues, “You wanna go do some drawing or colouring instead so you’re—”

“Okay.” You agreed tearfully. Giving you one final hug and a soft kiss on the head, she unwraps her arms from around you and stretched out her hand for you to grab. Now that you were sat up, she hands you a colouring book, a drawing block and crayons. She let you choose, she was just happy to be there and keep you company. Jos was pretty adamant to calm you down, knowing that you had The Power too and if you were too agitated, it could accidentally be triggered and you might hurt yourself.

You poured out all the crayons and grabbed the black crayon, hastily scribbling a mess on the first sheet of paper in the drawing block. Jos was initially slightly taken but let you safely release those feelings nonetheless. You needed it and that was clear— so clear. You’ve never done this before, you were usually pretty easy to calm down. Today was an exception. Of course, Jos was worried. So worried. She couldn’t think of what could’ve possibly triggered you to regress at school. And this much. You could barely form sentences.

While you were occupied with a task, Jos could typically leave for a minute to grab something to drink or a snack. But now, you were sobbing and practically screaming bloody murder. The drawing block and crayons were scattered all across her carpeted floor. She froze in her tracks, inhaling sharply as she processed everything in her head. Jos was clueless. But she knew you felt terrible for doing that, you were avoiding eye contact with her for dear life and trying to stop yourself from crying.

“Hey.” She inched closer to you.

“…’m sorry.” You blubbered, sniffling as the snot dripped from your nose.

Jos wished you weren’t crying. This sight was breaking her heart.

“That’s okay, you’re having some big feelings and you need to get them out, right?” Jos collected herself, sitting down on the floor again then pulling you down onto her lap. “You’re safe with me, little one.” She hands you the drawing block again, along with some crayons. “It’s okay, go ahead, baby.”

Jos places it in your lap as her hand holds onto a corner of it. You gingerly took a crayon from her and started to just colour random strokes on it, switching out the colours whenever you felt like it.

————

“Should we get something to eat, cariño?”

You licked your lips and shook your head, eyes purposely focused on the paper intentionally. “Mommy says…” You broke the silence, her ears perked up, “I should eat less.” Each word, you struggled to get them out as you recalled them.

Her hand was balled up into a fist thanks to the anger that rapidly spread throughout her body, accidentally zapping herself with The Power. She flinched and bit her lip. Oh, great. It was your Mom’s doing— again.

“Did you eat lunch?” Jos asked quietly. You shook your head, trying to ignore her.

She wanted to sigh, she was frustrated but not with you. She’d never be frustrated with you. “Baby, what’d I tell you?”

“She says I can’t—” You hiccuped, “I just wanted ice cream after dinner.” The crayon rolls out of your hand, Jos put down the drawing block on the floor, wrapping her arms around you from behind as her chin rested on your shoulder.

No wonder you were feeling so terrible— you were hungry.

As she helped you up from the floor, you heard her family get home. “You wanna come downstairs with me so we can make a quick bite to eat?”

“No.” You mumbled.

“That’s fine, let me put on a cartoon for you, hm? You wanna watching something while you wait for me to come back up? I’ll just be a few minutes.”

“Okay.” You agreed, she handed you your favourite stuffed animal to snuggle with in the meantime, only briefly leaving the room after putting on your favourite cartoon for you on her laptop.

“Jos, you’re home.” Rob noticed, setting down his glass of water as he watched the pot on the stove.

“Yeah, I’ve been home all afternoon. y/n’s up in my room and she’ll be staying the night.”

“Dinner will be ready in a few minutes, she is of course more than welcome to join us.”

Jos took a peek at the dinner and decided it wasn’t for you. “Don’t take this the wrong way but I don’t think that will be suitable for y/n tonight.”

“Why would I take that the wrong way? As long as she’s not starving herself, she can eat whatever she wants.”

Jos froze when she heard those words, holding onto a baking tray and a bag of chicken tenders from the freezer.

“What?” Margot appeared out of nowhere— seemingly. “Is y/n okay?”

“Not really, no. Things are getting bad for her again, I think.” Jos admitted.

“Let her stay here. Do not let her go back home.” Margot says. Her parents saw you at your lowest, and have been extra protective of you. You had a second home here…a way better one. “How’s she doing today?” Margot chimed in again.

“Uh, she’s regressed.” Jos revealed. They already knew you used it as a coping mechanism. And they’ve been nothing short of supportive. “In my room, finally got her to calm down and found out just why it was particularly bad today.”

Rob looked at her, curious. “She was regressed in school. Wade talked to her because she naturally couldn’t pay attention and luckily I was there, though she was really understanding about it and said she’d talk to her teachers again for me. The anxiety from the conversation got so intense that she threw up, and she’d been in a bad mood for the last few hours. Eventually, she let slip that her mom said she should eat less. And when I asked, she hadn’t eaten much or maybe even anything today.”

“What?” Her parents exclaimed in sync.

Jos carried on with her task, “I know, I’m furious. Okay, anyway, I promised her I’ll be right back in like, a few minutes so is it okay if we talk about this later after I get her down for bed?”

“Sure, honey. Of course.” Margot agreed quickly. “I’ll bring the food up when it’s done. Don’t worry about it.”

Before heading back to her room, Jos grabs you a mini bag of pretzels from the pantry and a cup of milk. When she entered, you were laying on your stomach on her bed, watching cartoons like she saw you before. “Hi, baby. Here is some milk in your favourite sippy cup and a little snack. I made you some chicken tenders, okay? We’ll eat together later when it’s done?”

“Okay.” You sniffled, nodding.

“Alright.” She smiled, sitting down next to you and helping you open the snack packaging.

“Thank you.” You grinned, doing grabby hands before you got ahold of the little foil bag. Jos chuckled, “You’re welcome.” Bending down to kiss you on the head. At least you were eating something— food is food. It counts.

Jos laid down next to you, focusing her attention on the screen in front of her, and occasionally glancing at you. Things finally felt peaceful, Jos lets out a quiet sigh of relief as she felt your head leaning on her shoulder while you munched on the snack and drank your milk.

A little while later, Margot came in with a tray— Jos’ dinner and yours. “Thanks, Mom.” You heard, but didn’t look away from the laptop screen.

“Say thank you.” Jos nudged gently.

“It’s okay, honey. Just enjoy your dinner and the cartoons.” Margot interjected. While Jos had the garlic chicken and rice that her dad had made, you dug into your plate of chicken tenders — with a side of rice that either Margot or Rob decided to throw in, should you feel like having that too. Look, it didn’t have all the food groups or anything, but at a time like this one, they just want you to be fed. They didn’t want you to go hungry, unlike your own family.

“D’you want me to feed you?” Jos grabbed her spoon and ate a spoonful. You only shook your head, grabbed your spoon as well and scooped some rice into your mouth.

“Alright, baby.” Jos smiled, relieved. Silence fell between you two once again, allowing you to immerse yourself in the cartoons while you ate so you weren’t thinking about food, or whatever nasty things people remarked about.

Jos finished her dinner first while you took your time. She could only hope you weren’t hesitating, but she also didn’t want you to stuff yourself if you were already full. You didn’t say anything but once you were done with eating, you clambered back up to a corner of her bed so she took that as a cue to clear the dishes. “I’ll be right back.” She reminded before she took the tray and left. You just sat there, head rolled back against the headboard snuggling with your favourite stuffed animal— at least your mind was no longer racing.

“I’m back.” Jos announced quietly as she swiftly walked over to her side of the bed and climbed under the covers with you. Instinctively, you put your head in her lap and she began to run her hand through your hair.

“I know today’s been difficult, baby. A lot of big feelings…but I promise tomorrow will be better, okay?”

With your lips pouted, you held up your hand, pinky stuck out, “Promise?”

“Pinky promise.” Jos nodded, hooking her pinky with you. “Oh, hey— you wanna see something cool?”

You nodded your head excitedly. She held her two hands above your face, close together but leaving a gap between her fingers on both hands. A little spark showed up, “You see that?”

Your mouth hung slightly open as you gave her another nod. “That is a superpower that protects us from the bad guys.” Jos chuckles, showing it to you again.

“That’s cool.” You replied quietly.

“It is, isn’t it?” She says, putting her hands down. “Want me to teach you in the morning?”

“Yeah.” You laughed.

Jos smiled down at you endearingly, “I will. Let’s just rest tonight, hm? Then we can go out tomorrow? You wanna go to the movies tomorrow?”

Your eyes lit up in excitement.

“Yeah you do.” Jos lets out a breathy laugh, stroking your hair, “Okay— you wanna finish this cartoon before we get ready for bed?”

“Okay.” You agreed, “I want to.”

“Alright, cariño.” She patted your head, you turned onto your side to continue watching the cartoon, wherever it was left off. “Just the one then we’re gonna brush our teeth, okay?”

“Promise.” You said back, she feels you nodding your head.

“Pinky promise?” She asked playfully.

You answered, reaching back so she could hook her pinky with yours, “Pinky promise.”

🏷️Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartandstuff @pda128

💭A/N:

This was going to be posted on my other blog but it became angst so…😬