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Kira

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Love Is Not Over; Ksj.

Love Is Not Over; ksj.

Pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Genre: Angst. Barely there fluff, you really gotta squint. Exes-to-lovers.

Rating & Warnings: PG15. Swearing. Mentions of alcohol consumption. They argue. The pining hurts my heart and soul.

Word Count: 1,788

A/N: This drabble is a part of the Debut Drabbles collab with my near and dear @mochi-molala over on @homeofbangtan! (Give her some extra love, folks! I got sick in the middle of this collab and she was nothing but patient and kind during the whole shabang!) Thank you to @joyfulhopelox for hyping me up and always supporting what I create. A special thank you to @min-yoon-kween and@sugasbabiie for beta reading this little drabble! An equally as big thank you to @ttaetae for creating the STUNNING banner!

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Kim Seokjin can pinpoint the exact moment he fell in love with you in his memory.

You had been sitting behind him in your foundations of modern literature class as the professor’s lecture droned on endlessly. Jin had mumbled a complaint under his breath and was surprised to hear the sound of suppressed laughter over his shoulder. He could tell by the way your cheeks reddened as he turned to shoot you an amused smirk that you had no intentions of being heard, much less caught in the act. You had sunk into your seat, raising your textbook to shield your flushed face from his view.

He had decided then - Dr. Ford barely taking a break to breathe between sentences as he led a discussion about the themes of transformation and the relativity of truth in the background - that your laugh was one of his favorite sounds and he would do whatever it took to hear it as often as he possibly could.

He spent the rest of the semester occupying the once empty spot beside you, whispering awful puns into your ear, grinning proudly each time you failed to keep your laugh quiet. He loved the way you would shift in your chair until your face was pressed into his shoulder whenever your professor would spare the two of you a disapproving glare.

It had taken him exactly three months to convince you to hang out with him outside of class, another two after that to talk you into being his girlfriend. Then, in one month - only four short weeks - it all fell apart.

Looking back, he should have seen it coming. He had spent so much time wooing you that he never stopped to think about what came next, what happened after the chase was over. He hadn’t seen the signs that had been right in front of him. You spent your time together curled up on the couch in his apartment, watching reruns of sitcoms, trading comments on the mundane back and forth. It didn’t take long for the talking to stop and different variations of the same generic television story arc playing in the background to grow old, the routine feelling stale and worn out.

It had ended quietly.

No shouting.

No fighting.

No, all it took was a whispered “I think we should break up” leaving your lips for Seokjin’s life to come crashing to a halt. He had nearly choked on his chow mein, the Nailed It episode playing in the background long forgotten. You had made it seem so easy, that breaking up with him was as simple as asking him to pass the salt or what the weather was meant to be like the next day.

Now, even just standing across the room, Seokjin couldn’t help but feel like you were hundreds of miles away. His heart tightened as you threw your head back as you laughed at something the boy with his arm around your waist said.

He was younger than Jin. His dark hair fell around his face in waves, lips spread in a wide grin as he watched you with soft doe eyes.

It makes Seokjin’s blood boil, seeing someone else look at you the way he did. The way he still looks at you.

“You’re not very subtle, you know.” Namjoon’s voice brings the elder back to reality, snapping him from his tumultuous thoughts. “You’re staring at her. Again.”

“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Why do you look so upset then?”

“I’m fine.”

“Bullshit. Spit it out.”

“It’s not even that big of a deal.” Seokjin groans, sinking into the couch cushions. “So what if she wants to ditch me to go on dates with the toddler? That’s her prerogative, but why did he have to come tonight?”

“Seriously? Toddler? He’s not even that much younger than us, Jin.” Namjoon snorts out a laugh as he settles into the empty spot beside his friend. He offers him one of the beers in his hand, setting it on the coffee table in front of the couch when the elder refuses in favor of the plastic cup already in his hands. “Do you even realize how jealous you sound right now? They’re dating. Why wouldn’t she bring him?”

“I’m not jealous.” It was a lie and both men knew it. “I just miss my best friend. She’s never around anymore and when she is, he’s there, too.”

“Just because she’s dating this Jungkook guy doesn’t mean that she’s going to stop being your best friend. You’re her favorite. Always have been, always will be.”

“Whatever.”

“I’m serious. Even after the breakup. You guys were never not close. Never one without the other. Maybe you just never got the chance for things to fully sink in. To let the fact that even if you guys were still best friends, you weren’t dating anymore. She wasn’t yours anymore, at least not in the way that she had been.”

“I’m gonna go get some air.” Seokjin downs the rest of his drink, liquor burning the back of his throat and leaving a bitter taste on the tip of his tongue. He crumples the now empty cup, tossing the ruined plastic onto the ground near his feet without much thought. He stands from the couch, hands pulling at the bottom hem of his denim jacket. “It's too stuffy in here.”

Seokjin weaves his way through the mass of bodies, the smell of sweat and cheap cologne invading his senses as he makes a beeline for the balcony door at the far end of the living room.

If he was paying more attention, he would have seen your eyes following his movement, excusing yourself from your conversation with Jungkook to follow after him, stumbling in your steps as you try to catch up with him without knocking into anyone.

“Hey.” Your voice is soft as you reach out to stop him from closing the sliding glass door before you can make it outside. “Are you okay?”

“Fine.” He mumbles, leaning against the balcony railing.

The city is alive below, neon lights illuminating the dark streets and casting vibrant shadows across the pavement. The fresh air is a much needed reprieve from the crowded apartment, the small living room jam packed with faces and names that blur together and leave Seokjin’s temples throbbing with an inevitable headache. His palms are sweaty and he hopes you don’t catch him wiping them dry on his jeans, one hand at a time.

“I know you better than that.” You tilt your head, leaning forward to get a better look at his face, catching the grimace that contorts his features. The downturn of the corners of his mouth is a drastic change from his usual smile. “What is it, Jin?”

“Just drop it, Y/N, and go back inside. It’s cold and you’re not wearing a jacket. You’re going to get sick if you stay out here.”

“No.”

“Y/N.”

“You heard me. No.”

“Stop.” A warning.

“No!” You feel your cheeks heat, the flames spreading until the tips of your ears are consumed by them and left painted a bright red. You know that you probably resemble a stubborn child throwing a fit because they aren’t getting their way, but you can’t bring yourself to care. Not now, not when you know there’s something bothering Seokjin and instead of opening up to you, he’s holding you at arms length. “I’m not going to stop! You can’t just shut me out, Jin! We don’t do that! Not to each other!”

You don’t think he’s going to answer and, when he does, you almost wish he hadn’t. The pleading look in his eyes when he shifts his gaze to you is nearly enough to leave you with regret that you hadn’t surrendered and abandoned the chase. Maybe some things were well and truly better left unsaid.

“What?” Seokjin straightens his back and fixes you with a narrowed gaze. “I’m shutting you away? Are you kidding me right now? If anyone is shutting someone out, it’s you!”

“Me?!”

“Yes! You, Y/N!” His voice is sharp, the bitterness that has gripped his heart for longer than he cared to admit slipping out and lacing his tone. His hands ball into tight fists at his side, muscles in his arms straining and knuckles white. “Ever since Jungkook came into the picture, you’ve been distant! You never come over anymore, never answer my calls! I get that you’re moving on but we’re still friends! Best friends!”

“Is that what this is all about? Jungkook?”

Jin’s cheeks are flushed - whether from the cold or the alcohol you had seen him downing earlier in the night you aren’t sure.

“What if it is? It doesn’t matter. It wouldn’t change anything, so what’s the point?”

A loud, echoing crack of thunder sounds overhead. The first drops of rain begin to make their descent from the graying sky, goosebumps dusting your skin at the contact. Seokjin moves on instinct, shrugging out of his jacket and draping it over your shoulders to shield you from the rain and chilled wind. He lets himself fasten the buttons, smoothing down the collar before taking a step back.

The sadness that seems to consume him leaves your chest aching; heart beating wildly, hammering violently against your ribs.

“You don’t know that.”

“What?”

“You don’t know that it wouldn’t change anything. You’re just assuming it won’t.”

“I just...” He says with a sigh, shoulders falling limp. Defeated. “I don’t even know what went wrong between us. I don’t know what changed. I thought that maybe staying friends was better than losing you completely, but it’s worse. It’s so much worse. I see you with him and I feel like I’m going to be sick. I hate that someone else gets to look at you like I did, that they get to touch you and make you laugh. That should be me.”

“Jin...”

“Just tell me.” The crack is his voice, the tears welling in his eyes. The Seokjin standing before you now is nothing short of broken. “Tell me what I can do to fix it and I will. I’ll do anything. I just...I can’t be just friends. Not with you. I never said it before but I’ll say it now. I love you. I’m in love with you. Don’t tell me that it’s over. It can’t be over.”

He reaches forward and pulls you into his chest, arms wrapping around your waist and you know then.

No one was Seokjin.

No one ever would be.

Love Is Not Over; Ksj.

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