Shadow, From The Title Screen Of Sonic & Sega All Stars Racing.

Shadow, from the title screen of ‘Sonic & Sega All Stars Racing’.

i believe in you pal! i know you can get through this, you’re strong! :D

I’ve mentioned being sick occasionally here, but I haven’t talked about it much. I’d like to talk about it a bit today though (you can skip it if you want or need, take care of yourselves <3 )

in December of 2015, I got a bad cold (my finance insists it was strep when they caught it from me). I thought nothing of it, but when I went back to work after new years suddenly things I’d had no trouble with were deeply upsetting to do, and since I’d also injured myself just before my cold and had a history of mental health concerns I assumed those were at fault. I left that job and came home to my now-finance, started working on my mental health and saw rapid progress there (especially after discovering I’m autistic) but still struggled with fatigue and exercise intolerance and other symptoms that started to stack on top of that.

I’ve been sick for 3 and a half years now, every year worse than the last, and we still have no clue what it is, just a growing list of what it isn’t. I can only leave my home a couple times a week, and only for a couple hours at a time. but last week I went to my primary care provider (who has been very good to me, 4th time’s the charm XD ) and told them we need to start mitigating symptoms before we can go back to finding the root, so they prescribed me a medication their colleague who has other patients like me suggested.

this week I had two days with almost no pain. yesterday I had enough energy to bake for the first time in like a year. today I got a headache but it went away after a couple hours instead of forcing me into bed. the medication is working, at least for now.

the fight’s not over yet, but I’m gonna kick this thing’s butt!

drawn in medibang paint | [my kofi]

what does bacon soup taste like

Wanna fuck

tell me time and place i’m down

hi im not really active here but I’m much more on instagram, so if you’d like, follow me there! :D same username 8)

i’m proud of you for doing all that! you still got stuff done, which i count as a success! :D

even though yesterday was a break day, yesterday I:

finished typing names for the week

put the ferrets out to play

cleaned their litter box

cleaned and put away their playpen

made dinner for matt (I chopped vegetables and everything!)

babysat matt when they started feeling sick

slept in the living room so I actually got to sleep

then today I:

talked to matt about what happened yesterday

made sure they got some food

went to the office

had a bunch of computer trouble

had to take the light rail home

had to take the stairs out of the underground light rail station

had to walk across campus

cleaned up cat puke

washed dishes

got blood drawn

you’ll notice some of that stuff doesn’t count as productive, but it is both a physical and, miraculously now outweighing the physical, an emotional drain. and I am super duper done now.

I guess it is normal to call it a day at 5pm, but that is not how my productive days have tended to go (and also I don’t tend to do anything before 11am so it’s kinda cheating). I’ve moved writing out two weeks instead of trying to force myself to do it today or sunday, and other than that I am technically speaking on top of shit. the only thing left on my to-do list besides the regularly circulating stuff is go ingratiate myself with the psych department on campus again, which I might not even do. (if I can do data entry for some researchers, I can get letters of recommendation for grad school applications. but I can’t work for credit, and I won’t work for free, so idk if it’s even worth snooping around.)

if I really wanted to get some productive crafting done I could, but I’m technically good there. I’d rather make this shawl for myself.