Guys! I Wrote A Story Based On My Track Coach Being Immortal Because If You've Met Him... He Most Definitely

Guys! I wrote a story based on my track coach being immortal because if you've met him... he most definitely is. Really proud of it so I'm posting it on here.

The Immortal Investigation

Or 3 times she suspects he's immortal and 1 time she finds out.

Tags: oc!character, teen!character, female!oc, detective work, middle schooler detective work, gay ppl (happy pride ya'll), neurodivergent MC, an immortal

Words: 3,383

Mr. Dahms always made Ira’s skin prickle. It's not that he was untoward or malicious… he just seemed out of place. When he was standing in the hallway greeting kids as they walked past, he looked odd. When he was talking to the other teachers, he looked stiff. Ira used to assume that he was only awkward - until she had him for 8th grade history.

In class, Mr. Dahms was in his element. He was lively, loud, and walked around the room with enthusiasm as he taught about the French Revolution and the Emancipation Proclamation. He talked about history as if he was there when it happened. As if he witnessed it.

Ira didn’t have a problem with Mr. Dahms. She had a problem with letting things go. This was one of the many instances where she couldn’t shake her suspicions. She couldn’t stop the constant wandering every time she walked into his class. She couldn’t stop thinking this man was older than he let on. Ira swore Mr. Dahms was immortal, but she couldn’t prove it.

So she did what she did best - she dug.

Observation #1

Subject has been seen coughing up unknown substances.

Ira didn’t want to be too obvious during this monitoring period. After all, if he caught on and he happened to be an average human with the average lifespan (which she doubted), he would take it the wrong way. Writing notes about your teacher that have absolutely nothing to do with the class would get her suspended. Well, she thought it would.

She wasn’t all that familiar with the discipline process at her school.

For complete privacy, Ira wrote all her notes in the back of a nondescript, spiral notebook. She believed that because she started writing at the back of the notebook, no one would find her super, secretive data.

All that being said, she was jotting things down like she usually did before class officially started. Ira was seated at the back of the classroom with her arms in the common “don’t cheat off of me” standard when she heard a cough. She thought nothing of it until it happened again… and again, and once more.

Finally, she looked up in concern for the poor individual that was hacking up a lung. Ira’s eyes widened when she saw it was, in fact, Mr. Dahms bent over the trash can holding his chest in both hands. From her angle, she could see that something dark and slimy was slowly slipping out of his mouth. She itched to jump out of her seat to get a closer look at what was going on before remembering she was trying to be discreet. Instead, she decided to wait for Mr. Dahms to finish his “Cocomelon Coughs” before she would casually go to the front of the class to “get a tissue”.

It took Mr. Dahms 64 seconds for his hacking to cease. It took him three seconds to stand up straight and face the handful of 13 year olds that were whispering to each other for the whole duration of his episode.

Mr. Dahms said, “I guess I brought something back from overseas.”

When, Ira thought, had Mr. Dahms gone overseas? He couldn’t have gone during Spring Break. Because of snow days, her school’s Spring Break had been more of a “Spring Breeze.” It would have been impractical for Mr. Dahms to take a plane to another country on Thursday and be back by the following Monday.

She deemed it impossible.

Ira’s peers were back on their phones soon after Mr. Dahms gave his flimsy excuse. No one suspected anything but her. She was the only one really paying attention. What did Mr. Dahms cough up, and where did it come from?

The tapping of her foot was the only thing keeping Ira sane. Class had now started, but it hadn’t been long enough for her to get a tissue without appearing shady. Plus, she had to set up the process of “getting a tissue” which included “getting the sniffles.” Ira was very serious about this part because if someone asked her why she needed a tissue, her plan would be ruined.

It took two minutes and seven seconds to finish the “getting a tissue” process. Mr. Dahms had not moved, and none of her classmates had moved, but when Ira went to thow her lightly used Kleenex in the trash, the dark, slimy substance was no longer there.

Subject’s bodily fluids look to have super absorbent abilities. More tests are required.

Substance = living dead Bubonic Plague (???)

Observation #2

Subject maintains homeostasis with only two hours of sleep.

Ira didn’t like the idea of using this bit of evidence. She didn’t think that hearing about Mr. Dahms being up in the demon hours was sound enough to be put into her notes… until she noticed that it was common knowledge. To everyone. Everyone but her.

After Ira got over the fact that she was so out of the loop even the teacher’s children looked at her weird, she started interviewing people. She knew that asking Mr. Dahms if he needed any sleep to stay sane was not going to blow over well. That was a breach of privacy.

Surely she would get suspended for it.

Ira knew that only secondary sources were obtainable to her, but how obtainable was still in question. As observant as she was, Ira had never observed any techniques to acquire friends. She tried it when she was in 5th grade. The little girl she befriended, Dynasti, didn’t take well to her constant statements about how her outfits never quite matched.

All that being said, Ira was nervous how the student population would react to her asking questions. She didn’t want to be stuffed into a locker (even if she could easily get out. Just because she could pick a lock from the inside didn’t mean she wanted to).

Recording #1 - James Apricot (7th grade athlete)

Ira: You… the basketball team. You’re on it - am I correct?

James: Yeah, I am. That’s actually where I’m going right now-

Ira: This won’t take long. Plus, this is much more important than your trivial game.

[Recording ends]

James Apricot did not take kindly to the insult of his beloved ball game. Ira had tried to chase him down, but as much as she hated to admit it, James was extremely fast. No wonder he was on both the varsity basketball team as well as the varsity track and field team.

Ira learned two things from this recording, 1) Insulting sports teams would lead to the premature end of an interview and 2) James would have been the perfect interviewee because Mr. Dahms coaches the track team and is the assistant coach for the basketball team.

Recording #2 - Athena McCorvey (8th grade cheerleader)

Ira: You cheer for both the basketball team and the football team, am I correct?

Athena: Yep. Head cheerleader for both.

Ira: Um… good for you?

[Ira coughs]

Ira: Have you interacted with Mr. Dahms during your extracurriculars?

Athena: Uh… yeah, but he’s not my coach, he coaches the guys. Why? Are you thinking about trying out?

[Athena snickers]

Ira: Goodness no. I find the idea of a sport where women are to dance and look sexy only so men can do better at their sport, well, repulsing.

Athena: I get where you’re coming from, but I don’t cheer for that reason. I cheer so I’ll feel pretty.

Ira: You're kidding! You must know that you are one of the most physically attractive and emotionally attractive people in this school, right? Why would you find comfort in these judgmental oafs thinking you’re pretty when they hardly know the definition of the word?

[Recording ends]

Ira learned many things from her interview with Athena. Firstly, Ira should have befriended Athena rather than Dynasti all those years ago. Athena didn’t take offense to Ira’s blunt observations like most people and instead added onto them with something equally as insightful. Secondly, for the sake of the investigation, this interview wasn’t at all necessary. Athena knew of Mr. Dahms, but only in passing. There was nothing the cheerleader knew that Ira hadn’t already analyzed.

And lastly, the recording with Athena was, just like James’, prematurely stopped. This was because Athena had kissed Ira and Ira didn’t feel as if that would have been appropriate for her professional recording. It will be documented, however, that Ira was invited to Athena’s exclusive birthday party on the Wednesday coming.

Recording #3 - Nathan Tiddle (6th grade track runner)

Ira: Mr. Dahms is your direct coach, am I correct?

Nathan: Yep. Why are you asking? Is his birthday coming up or something? Do I need to get him-

Ira: No, no, no. This isn’t about his birthday. This is about Mr. Dahms’ circadian rhythms.

Nathan: His what?

Ira: His sleep schedule, Nathan. What do you know about it?

Nathan: I know he comes to school at 4 in the morning to set up the track the way he wants it.

Ira: How do you know this?

Nathan: It’s common knowledge on the track team. Coach Dahms also tells us about it everyday at the beginning and end of practice. I don’t know if he’s trying to guilt-trip us into running faster cause if that’s what he’s trying to do, it’s working.

Ira: Is Mr. Dahms irritable or moody when he cleans the track at 4 in the morning?

Nathan: No. He does it everyday and everyday he always acts the same. Cheerful, nice, and - you know - he’s a coach, so he’s gonna be a [redacted].

Ira: Do you know how much he sleeps each night specifically?

James: 1 to 2 hours.

Nathan: Hey, this was my interview!

James: Shut it, little baby.

James: Coach Dahms only sleeps 1 to 2 hours each night. Even on weekends. He’s always calling the school or being at the school at ungodly hours because he has nothing else to do and he’s never tired. Ever.

Nathan: …I could have said that.

Ira: Thank you for your input, Nathan. And James.

Nathan: Not a problem! This detective thing you’ve got going on is so cool!

[Nathan walks over to his friends]

Ira: James, I am sorry if I insulted your sport earlier today.

James: No biggie.

[James gives Ira a “noogie”]

[Recording ends]

This was the most informative interview yet. Ira confirmed not only that Mr. Dahms functions on 1 to 2 hours of sleep, but he is never tired. No one has seen him yawn or rub his eyes. No one has ever seen him sleep. It would have been amazing if Ira could get an interview with Mr. Dahms’ wife, but even Ira knew that would be extremely difficult. As well as creepy. Yes, the creepy part was the first thing that crossed her mind.

On top of more evidence for Mr. Dahms being immortal, Ira learned that James did not, in fact, want to shove her in a locker then go on to high five his friends. James thought Ira was “chill”. Ira found it comforting that James would be one of the people gathering for Athena’s birthday celebration.

Nathan was annoying, but after some intelligently placed redirectioning, he was telling Ira all she needed to know. Ira wasn’t the happiest when he used foul language in her tape but censoring his colorful adjective wasn’t the worst part of her day. Plus, Nathan was, as James put it, a baby. Ira would let his loose lips go unpunished. This time. Ira had already warned him what would happen if expletives were used in her recording again.

Subject continues to have peak cognitive function with minimal sleep.

Athletes are nicer than they seem.

Athena likes penguins. *added to personal journal

Dahms has a continuous positive attitude. Is this because living longer makes you focus on the better things in life?

Observation #3

Subject taught my mother. And my grandmother.

The weekend had come, so Ira had decided to take 2 deserved days off from the Immortal Investigation. Ira believed strongly in caring for one’s mental health. She concluded it was because her mother did psych evaluations for the local fire and police departments. Many of the people who worked at those two places would have been better off if they took time to reflect on themselves.

Ira was in the middle of doing a deep clean for the lower level of her house when she found something quite interesting. For some reason, she’d never seen it before and Ira is the one and only cleaner of the Montgomery household.

She had found her grandmother’s highschool yearbook. To be honest, it almost made Ira tear up. Her grandmother had passed away just 3 years ago due to surgery complications. Her mother’s mom was where Ira got most of her detective-like qualities. When she was younger, she swore her grandmother worked for the CIA because of how attentive and observant she was. Her grandmother blamed it on motherhood which was a shame because Ira didn’t plan on ever having kids. She found people very confusing. Why would she add another person - that can’t talk - to the equation?

Ira was flipping through the pages looking for her grandmother’s maiden name when she caught a glimpse of a familiar face. She almost dropped the book in shock. The face was in the teachers section of the yearbook in between Mr. Daes and Ms. Didyoung. The face wore a white, fluffy beard and circular glasses. The face… was Mr. Dahms.

It wasn’t possible. How did her history teacher look the exact same as he did now than he did a good 60 years ago? Just how long had Mr. Dahms been teaching?

Adding onto the fact the Mr. Dahms had also taught her mother, this only confirmed Ira’s suspicions. Mr. Dahms was most definitely an immortal. He didn’t seem to age, he didn’t sleep, and he was a carrier to an identifiable amount of diseases. She knew what she had to do.

It was time to confront him.

Observation period has ended.

Confirmation of results will commence.

Conclusion

Ira sat in the back of her history class with an irremovable smile on her face. When the bell rang, her classmates would file out, but she would stay. She would stay and confront this immortal being. She would show him all the observations she collected thus far, and he would be speechless. He would be caught.

But what did Ira want to do after Mr. Dahms admitted to being immortal? She had no knowledge of him hurting anyone. If anything, he was using the fact that he was immortal to better society. He was teaching children, for goodness sake! As much as outing Mr. Dahms would be a trivial activity, Ira yearned to do it. This was her first real investigation that had actually gone somewhere. She had to see it through.

Plus, Athena was waiting for updates. Ira had gotten into the habit of texting the cheerleader and Athena would actually respond to her. It was great. Athena made sure Ira understood any of the pop culture references she made, and lended a listening ear to Ira’s scientific queries.

Ring!

It was finally time. Ira was shaking in excitement as she waited for her classmates to shuffle out the room. She gathered her super, secret notebook and walked to the front of the classroom were Mr. Dahms seemed to be waiting for her.

“Miss Montgomery! What can I do for you?”

Ira took a calming breath, “I have been observing you, Mr. Dahms and the notes I have made show some interesting results. Here.” Ira handed Mr. Dahms her notebook.

Subject has been seen coughing up unknown substances.

Subject’s bodily fluids look to have super absorbent abilities. More tests are required.

Substance = living dead Bubonic Plague (???)

Subject maintains homeostasis with only two hours of sleep.

Subject continues to have peak cognitive function with minimal sleep.

Dahms has a continuous positive attitude. Is this because living longer makes you focus on the better things in life?

Subject taught my mother. And my grandmother.

Observation period has ended.

Confirmation of results will commence.

Mr. Dahms read through the pages, his eyes widening with each line read. Ira couldn’t get rid of the smug smile on her face. She had got him.

“As you can see, my observations have led to one conclusion,” Ira straightened he blouse, “You, Mr. Dahms, are an immortal being.”

Ira didn’t think Mr. Dahms would burst out laughing. This was not how this was supposed to go.

Mr. Dahms eventually got himself under control, “Ira, you are an observant little girl, I’ll admit, but you only see what you want to see. This whole “Immortal Investigation” was under my control from the beginning.”

“N-no, that can’t be true-”

“It is, dear. I gave you this wild goose chase that you would find extremely interesting so you would get out of your own head. So that you would go and talk to other people your age. I just wanted you to make friends.”

“Mr. Dahms-” Ira was cut off once again.

“And you did, right? Athena says hi to you in the hallway and the track team can’t stop talking about you. You won, Ira, but not in the way you might have wanted to.”

Ira was speechless. This was not how this was supposed to go. Mr. Dahms was supposed to be speechless. Ira was supposed to feel victorious, but all she felt was the bittersweet end to a botched investigation. Maybe he was right. Maybe she only saw what she wanted to see.

“There’s no need to be upset. Your persistence was admirable.”

“Yes, but I was wrong,” Ira hung her head in shame.

“Everyone’s wrong once in a while. Learn from it. Chin up, detective.”

No. It didn’t matter what Mr. Dahms said. Ira was wrong. She was wrong and now she was extremely upset. She was so sure of herself that she’d dragged other people into her investigation and now they would know of her failure. This was horrible.

She skipped watching cheer practice that day. Ira went home with her head still hung.

He wiped sweat off of his brow and steadied his breathing. Mr. Dahms sat at his desk in shock at what had just happened. Ira Montgomery had figured it out all by herself. The only other person who had even come close to figuring out what he was was… Ira’s grandmother. Mary Ann didn’t have enough evidence to support her claim, so she gave up.

Ira… he hadn’t even suspected her. She was quiet and didn’t have many friends. She did what she was supposed to do and never asked for any extra help. She was practically invisible to him. Not even the track team had spoken a peep about her interviewing his athletes.

He was blindsighted.

Mr. Dahms was lucky he had plenty of experience thinking on his feet or he would have fumbled right in her trap.

It wasn’t like his life would be in danger if people found out he was immortal. It just wasn’t something he told people. Well, besides his wives. He didn’t think it was fair for them to be left in the dark about something like that. They were partners after all.

How he became immortal was unclear. He was born during the days of horse and buggy, diseases, and slavery. He was relatively normal. Nothing happened to him that would have said otherwise, but when the time came where his family started dying and he didn’t… he began to grow suspicious.

Mr. Dahms could catch illnesses, but he wouldn’t be affected by them. He would simply be a carrier, just like Ira had hypothesized. Sometimes he would cough them up, but that wasn’t a common occurrence. No, he didn’t need that much sleep. This phenomenon only started happening after he reached the age of 150. He didn’t know why.

Mr. Dahms thought maybe it was time to move on from this town. 2 people suspecting him in under 100 years? It made him uncomfortable. But, then again, it could be fine. He preferred to experience as little change as possible.

He’d wait another 200 years.

Guys! I Wrote A Story Based On My Track Coach Being Immortal Because If You've Met Him... He Most Definitely

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