Neurodivergent - Tumblr Posts

Okay, listen; I need transitional music. Like in TV shows but in real life.

Finishing using the washroom? It's time to get some transitional tunes playing so I can wash my hands and get to my next activity.

I. Need. Theme. Music.

The funniest version of that has to be playing Third Eye Blind. If Third Eye Blind (or a similar '90s jam) shows up in my transitional music rotation, I just picture whimsical scenes of LA traffic and street signs in my head.

Time management? I just spent an extra 25 minutes in the store stealthily evading someone I knew from high school.

There is no time management. Only me panicking because I'm in public, and the mundane haunting me down the hallways as I become Splintercell.

How to exist as me

How do I exist as an autistic person without feeling guilty,

I know that unlike a lot of people i got the privilege of being diagnosed before becoming an adult but it was really late nonetheless. Even so,

I've not been treated the way any other person would be with autism, having to follow a script penned by neurotypicals all the time is hard and draining I constantly feel like i have no energy to do anything at all after as much as an hour at the store.

I've been told more times that I can count " It's not your fault you have a hart time unmasking "

but I feel as if cant be accepted by my community if i cant unmask,

I know in some part of me that I'm allowed to feel venerable and that I deserve to have people around me that can both see and acknowledge my struggles as a disabled person,

but to be told "your not autistic" because I don't act the way a 10 year old autistic boy does feels so unfair.

I grew up always changing the way acted to be seen and treated as human, so its hard trying to undo all of that.

"learning how to be 'unapologetically' you" Seems imposable, learning how to be my own person, rather than conforming to the behaviors and standards set by people who are simply not like me and don't understand why its so hard.

Growing up with an unaccommodated disability has left a scar in so many ways, and trying to heal isn't easy. I've grown up trying to protect myself from the inherent discrimination shown to me.

I do not "have autism" I don't "suffer from autism"

I'm autistic

Maybe its silly but its this type of treatment is what has sent me into relapses living in a world where nothing is made for you be it my epilepsy, being diabetic but especially being autistic. It feels like nothing is in my control, be it: the way public education is or how inaccessible the 'real world' is.

Not being in control of you body is scary and stressful weather it be because of a seizure, being overstimulated, or feeling like my body is about to shut down because my sugars are low its scary.

Feeling my body shake and not knowing if its because its too hot or if its my blood sugar, its caused me so much mental pain and put me in many depressive episodes of which I blatantly refused to take care of myself as a means of self destruction.

Being able to control something feels helpful, even if that one thing you can control is burring your skin off. Its a form of pain I feel an unhealthy amount of comfort in. Even so getting high until I cant remember where I am is better than being hyper aware of everything around me. The unbelievable amount of trauma I've endured is only adding to the fact.

When the help you need is so inaccessible what am I meant to do, when a system that is meant to help you is built to help you seems to work against you, or has failed you so many time what is it I'm meant to do?

what is there left for me to do?

Intro Post (main blog)!!!

THE ORNITHOLOGY SOCIETY (ARG CURRENTLY IN PROGRESS): https://www.tumblr.com/we-know-what-you-are

PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR DONATIONS; I CANNOT AS I AM A MINOR

Name(s): Rat/Alistar

Age: 16+

Gender, pronouns, and such: https://en.pronouns.page/@RATSTRONAUT

Interests:

• Video games (Minecraft, Resident Evil, Detroit: Become Human, My Friendly Neighborhood, Chilla’s Art games, etc.)

• Music (FNF music, Yaelokre, The Stupendium, AJJ, etc.)

• Science

• Literature/Art

• TV shows (The Owl House, Steven Universe, The Amazing World Of Gumball/TAWOG, Octonauts, Adventure Time, etc.)

And more!

Extra info:

>>>>>> I’M BLACK!!

>>>>>> Systems welcome!

>>>>>> Tone tags appreciated!

• No posting schedule.

• Basic DNI (no pedos, zoos, transphobes, homophobes, etc.) and:

NSFW/18+ blogs (I don’t interact with you, you don’t interact with me)

Minor/adult shippers; incest shippers; etc. (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE)

Creeps in general (pls don’t come over here)

If you are blocked, it is for a reason. I’m here to have fun!! Not be harassed. Let’s keep the peace, shall we?

the completely neurotypical urge to send multiple short texts instead of one big one because a big one looks wrong and then get mad at myself for spamming and being annoying

I just wanted to get rid of some thoughts that are consuming me for days, it's probably stupid...

(first I wanted to say that I have ADHD and that may have influenced my behavior)

But I recently talked to my psychologist about my difficulty in showing physical affection for the sensations that bother me sometimes, so I end up avoiding that type of affection (I feel these bad feelings with anyone, even my boyfriend and my parents).

My psychologist said to show more physical affection for people not to think badly of me like "she won't let me touch her because she doesn't like me" and also not to get used to living in comfort. I am afraid about forcing myself to do this and ending up crying in front of people or my day getting horrible due to the great overload of sensations.

But at the same time I think I am a terrible friend/daughter/girlfriend for not being able to show my feelings and end up frustrating them for not getting affection back. And I talked to my boyfriend about it and he was very understanding about it, he said that if I don't feel comfortable in any situation it's to warn him that he will do everything he can (his way of showing affection is by physical contact), but I wonder if he's not ... suffering from it, because he has to stop having physical contact frequently (which he likes a lot) just to "satisfy my wants".

Well, this is what is not letting me sleep at night.

1- my boyfriend and I sometimes meet, even in the pandemic, because it helps me a lot to move on.

2- about showing more physical affection to people, at the moment it is with my parents, brother and boyfriend since we are in a delicate situation.

Me and My Writing Drafts: A Rollercoaster of Emotions

Me: stares at the screen Okay, time to write the next masterpiece!

Also Me: opens a new document Let's do this!

Brain: sends a million ideas at once Write about cats! No, wait, aliens! No, wait, a cat-alien invasion!

Me: creates multiple drafts simultaneously Why have one idea when you can have ten?

Me: scrolls through the drafts folder Ah, yes, my precious babies. So many possibilities, so little time.

Also Me: starts hyperventilating How can I choose just one? They're all my brainchildren!

Brain: mocking voice Remember that brilliant idea you had at 2 a.m.? Yeah, that one. Write about that!

Me: looks at the time It's 2 a.m. again. Of course, brain, why not torture me with more ideas when I should be sleeping?

Also Me: cries internally How can I ever finish anything when my brain is a chaotic writing factory?

Brain: whispers Hey, remember that unfinished draft from three years ago? Yeah, let's revive it!

Me: gasps The ghost of an unfinished draft haunting my writing career! Brilliant!

Also Me: clutches drafts tightly One day, my darlings, one day I'll conquer you all!

Me: sighs The struggle of a writer with too many drafts is real. But hey, at least I'll never run out of material!

I fucking hate whatever the fuck is up with my life, I don't know whether I have autism, or sptsd or whatever, but at this point I am fucking running out of ideas on how to pull this shit together. I feel like an alien and an imposter anywhere I go, I want to leave but there newer was a place where it would be okay for me to exist to begin with

My attempts to adapt and mask just left me an empty shell of whatever was there at the start, and the masking didn't even help me gain friends, just made my family tolerate me really

All the advice I can find online assumes I already fucking have people to reach out to in my life, all the "you are not alone" and "ask for help" type stuff just does not cut it for me. I am alone in this, and right now I have no choice but to get through it alone.

If I share anything personal with the four people that I talk to (my parents included) that will not end well. I fucking done that before, they just call me crazy and now their reaction is one more problem for me.

I fucking want any advice on how to find and connect to anyone who would get me whatsoever or like, at least not be homophobic and disgusted by the weird??

moment of appreciation for the sensation of stimming with jewelry. fidget toy companies have NOTHING on shiny jewelry- just rubbing your chain necklaces against your fingers or sliding the pendant back and forth or your spinning rings around your finger is everything

to be honest i don't really like that sometimes representation makes autistic people look like just silly little dudes who all that colourful and happy

like okay sure autistic people have a right to be happy and enjoy things but i wanna see the not-so-happy part of life. yeah, people portray stuff like going nonverbal and sensory overload and all that. but what about those time when you have to shut up mid sentense because you don't wanna sound rude? when you choose to stay silent and exclude yourself from conversations? when you over think what you all the time? when you feel to much and people keep trying to talk to you and you need to shove your feelings down because otherwise you will snap at them? when you have to prepare yourself for hours to simply answer the text from a friend? when something out of your control happens and it changes all your routine and you just sitting there trying not to cry? when your family forget to tell you that you all going to visit relatives and you have 0 time to prepare yourself?

i'm gonna be honest with you: been neurodivergent sucks but lack of opportunity to see people struggling with the same shit sucks more

To my fellow adhd people, have you ever experienced it just.... stop?

A while back, I was at a golf tournament and just sitting around and, out of nowhere, my brain went silent for about 10 seconds.

I'm not medicated, nor have I ever been, so this was SUPER weird.

Let's see how many A's I am!!

Autistic, ADHD, alterhuman, arospec, acespec, anxiety, American [sadly], agnostic, artist [kinda], age regression [saw this in a comment on the original post so that's why it's included, lol], and I think that's it, lol.

AAAAAAAAAA

Lol

Guys, it happened. I’m an

AAAAAA (aromantic, asexual, agender, with autism, adhd, & anxiety)

:3c

<3

hey question is it a neurospicy thing to be watching a show or reading a book or talking to people and also be thinking about, like, taxes, and also your best friend, but also like how popsicles are made? like i’m paying attention to both of the things that i’m doing i’m just thinking like 9 different coherent things all at once.

✨ Dance ✨

Sometimes I get really self conscious about the way I stim thanks to my ADHD.

I’m an all or nothing kind of gal, so it’s really hard to contain anything, especially the happy emotions.

It’s a full body experience for me, I feel it from my head to my toes. Self diagnosed with WBS, Wiggle Butt Syndrome, and I just gotta move.

Sometimes even I feel like it’s too much, so I can’t imagine how other people must feel.

But…then again…I’m the only person at work to get other coworkers to come and dance with me, no matter their age or language. When I see the light that reaches their eyes when they smile at me being silly, the shame burns away under the light of a warmer realization.

That being the type of person who is so unapologetically themselves at ALL times and IN all places to the point YOU encourage people to dance, is pretty tender indeed.

So…it can’t be all that bad right?

Don’t stop stimming friends, you’re beautiful 🧡✨

I'll forever remember seeing someone talk about their training to help autistic kids and just. man. that explains why no professionals actually understand autistic people.

Realised it's half 2 in the morning after hyperfixating on making a powerpoint on Henry VI for I don't know how long. ADHD sucks ass most of the time but I feel incredibly fulfilled now.

any character can be autistic if you squint hard enough

You mean people can just… do things? Like, normal things? Without feeling completely exhausted for a week afterwards? You can take care of yourself without needing to take a 4 hour nap? What sorcery is this?

Honestly I hope Tim stops Kayaking soon I miss that man