THERE WERE SO MANY PARALLELS BUT WE WERE ROBBED OF THE UPSIDE DOWN KISS AND THE UNDERWATER KISS.

THERE WERE SO MANY PARALLELS BUT WE WERE ROBBED OF THE UPSIDE DOWN KISS AND THE UNDERWATER KISS.

Do you get Deja-Vu?

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Sooo... I've spent the last 2 days binge reading Here's to Us and I'm dying to speak about it without spoiling stuff sooo.... Please please let me know if anyone wants to talk about how much of a precious gem the entire book and the characters in it are.

Okey byeeeee

I'm just manifesting here but I really hope we get to see asked realisation that he is bi because of his crushes on all the beautiful men around him in a compilation of sorts and then realise it finally. That would be fun.

I also want it to play 'why am I like this' at the back of the compilation

an incomplete list: things i’m excited to see in the movie (and hope they do justice lol)

alex asking nora for advice while questioning his sexuality

the fucking powerpoint

that scene where henry quite literally falls out of a closet

the great turkey calamity

the karaoke scene

feel free to add stuff, these are just what i thought of off the top of my head ksjfkdj

and the thing is they're right, wille is a teenager and he's impulsive and angry and confused and he frustrated me so much this season but I still understand it??? I WISHED he could've had a conversation with simon but I think progress for him is not linear and he isn't perfect at being a good person or boyfriend. honestly nobody could be, growing up in an environment like the monarchy, and he might be dissatisfied with the surface level things and the lies, but to unlearn the privilege he's taken for granted and unlearn the traditions he's seen being upheld is fucking hard. I think here's something to be said on how wille can want change and see something wrong with the system but also take part in the problem because he's never thought it was wrong; hes never needed to question it. it doesn't excuse his mistakes by any chance and by god he needs to apologize to simon properly, but I do see why being faced with trying to figure out a public relationship, his mother, his role as crown prince, and the grief of everything that's happened can cause him to backslide into bad mindsets and habits.

Let's do a deep dive into the complexity of Mew and Ray rebounding on each other and how it leads to a huge necessary parting of the entire core four.

It reaches a head at that cursed Halloween Party in this ep. Because y'all. We've had sweet and bitter but today we really saw it blend together and I think this whole series tackles the futility and perseverance of love and connection but we really saw it during episode eight at it's peak.

There is literally no room in my heart for hating on Mew over Ray right now because like Mew has taken every opportunity to insist that Ray isn't controlling or changing him, Mew is changing, Mew is saying fuck it so what to everything he despised before because he's tired of fitting in a box. it has nothing to do with Ray other than that Ray makes it easy. Ray won't judge because he cannot as he's done everything Mew is trying. Mew himself is telling everyone he's a grown ass man who is coping with shit the best way he can right now and Ray just happens to be the only one not trying to restrict him or tell him how to cope. the others blaming Ray for Mew's spiral is just what's easiest for them to swallow the truth. they don't see that Mew is using Ray's unconditional love as an excuse to be the worst version of himself because to them Mew is the only vulnerable one. So let's unpack all that shall we?

Ray on the other hand knows full well that Mew doesn't love him or want him as anything other than a distraction but he's humbly accepted his role. you can tell when Mew only kisses Ray in front of Top, when Mew can't tell Ray he loves him back that Ray knows because he knows Mew, Mew does not and can not love Ray at least not the way Ray imagined Mew could. but it's alright. because for once when Mew is falling apart he's picked Ray to get to stand fiercely at his side and give him arms to cry in. all Ray wants is to feel important and connected to Mew some way and so when Mew asks for cigarettes and coke and drinks and parties, Ray doesn't question it because if he did he loses the little limited space Mew has let Ray reside in whilst everyone else has been pushed aside.

I mean hell Ray even tells Sand that Mew and him "have to see if things will work between them first" when Sand insists Ray has had his dream come true getting to be with Mew. he insists they aren't serious yet but instead seeing how things go, that Mew is at least letting them try and that's good enough. The way Ray talks about it, you can tell he doesn't believe Mew will let him stay around as a boyfriend for long. It's not just because it's Sand he's talking to, there's this understanding in how Ray addresses it. He's okay with it because all that ever mattered to Ray was trying, was having the concrete proof that Mew and him don't and can't work in romantic love instead of Mew's half assed denials.

Ray understands perfectly his role as Mew's supporting character, he isn't blind like some insist. In fact he's got more in common with Nick and Sand than people would like to recognise. Remember how Nick insists that Boston "doesn't have to love him, doesn't have to make nick his priority, he just cannot hate him?" Well that's very much Ray now that Mew has given him the time of day. Everything is still all about Top and Ray can tell but as long as Mew is happy to pretend his spite overrules his lingering love, Ray will play along. I think its very telling in the moment when Mew says this:

Literally right in front of Ray's face and Ray says nothing about the fact they're supposed to be a "we" not an "I" right now. They're supposed to be playing the hosting couple, a united front. Yet here Mew is proudly proclaiming he doesn't need anyone anymore because he's learned to only care about himself for once, he's happy on self destruct because at least he only has to be his own priority and worst enemy. No one else gets to set his rules and break them and let him down except for himself.

So yeah Ray knows exactly where he stands but, look, as easy as it is to blame him for playing a part for Mew and not recognising Sand's love, we have to also bear in mind that Ray stands in this very fragile precipice currently where his loyalty to Mew is the difference between total alienation and having at least somebody from the broken family of the core four still remaining. Mew easily tossed Boston and Top aside, ruthlessly, and he will do the same the second Ray takes any high ground over Mew's actions because Mew will waste no time reminding him how much of a hypocrite he'd be right now.

And yes it's wrong that Mew is using Ray as collateral damage to his first real break up induced sad manic girl break down but in grief we become people we don't recognise. We go numb. I don't think Mew realises fully how detrimental it will be to rely on Ray right now as he cracks before he heals, he's too caught up in going through motions, one all nighter to the next. One revenge plot to the next. He does his best to protect Ray by insisting to Cheum and Top these are his own choices and consequences to handle but when your loved ones see you a certain way, they very staunchly refuse to recognise when you make choices they don't like for you.

Cheum and Top are kinda hypocritical for blaming Ray and not noticing their own flaws in their bid to "protect" Mew but it does make sense. They can't reconcile this new Mew with the one they have grown to understand and care for and rely on. It is far easier to look to the nearest external factor influencing Mew and pin everything on that. It doesn't make it right but it does explain their motivations. They can't see Rays complexity the way the viewer can so it's far simpler for Cheum to say Ray is careless and too greedy so he can never just settle. For Top to insist Ray can't love Mew if he keeps negative shit around Mew whilst forgetting he can't exactly be one to talk when Mew wasn't much better off with him.

Basically they're all getting to that point in this journey where they have to sit with some hard home truths about their friends and themselves and really no one is to blame anymore for anyone other than themselves. No one is responsible anymore for anyone but themselves. It's no longer a blame game and more a time to sit and ask questions about who they are and why they let things get to this point. It's the only chance they stand at not spending the rest of uni totally lost and alone. The only way they might all find a way back to each other, stronger than they were before, different yes, a little broken yes but stronger together.

I think this episode did a particularly beautiful job at showcasing how love remains and prevails even as things shift and recalibrate. Mew is downright vengeful to Top but Top quietly takes it all and refuses to quit when Mew pushes him away the way he gave up on Mew before. He stands steady and strong and he's the one who carries Mew to bed and cleans him up and gets him comfy. Treats him like he's precious finally and refuses to leave.

Boston is told by everyone he has no right to show his face but he insists he has to be there anyway, even as he challenges Nick for daring to approach him, a part of Boston clearly wishes Nick had told Ton about his project because he wanted to share the celebration but Ton can only hear Nick bragging that he's moving on to better things whilst Ton still keeps company with red solo cups in a hidden room, stuck in the sidelines. And yet Boston can't find it in him to treat Nick spitefully, the best he can do is dismissive. He still shows up in a panic on that staircase, helplessly searching for a way to save Ray even as he knows it's all too broken to fix.

Cheum explodes on Ray like a mother or sister whose lost all hope not once but twice but it comes out of a place of concern, a desperate final plea that if they really aren't enough then Ray has to want to help himself. And as hypocritical as we may find her for saying Ray is careless to those around him, she's not wrong that Ray, the night of the party in particular, has only dedicated himself to Mew. She knows now that none of her hopes or wishes for the boys to be better and focus on doing the best for themselves will ever be enough alone to make them care more about friendship and futures than sex and love. She's realising how little she noticed about how deep the cracks ran and she's having to struggle with that but she still begs Top to save Ray from a place she knows will take him to the point of no return even as she chooses to walk away.

Hell Sand and Nick don't even want to be at that party but against all odds they turn up because they owe it to themselves to save face and at least try to move on. To be mature and talk to the people that they've hurt and who have hurt them instead of burying their heads. Boston and Ray are cold to them and yet they don't leave. Sand still turns back and tries to protect Ray because even if he pushed him to the ground earlier and told him they're over. He can't watch Ray rot in prison when what Ray really needs is rehab. When thats the worst place Ray can go.

Top even helps Ray avoid jail time. He says "sorry for my friend" and even if his motivation is more to help Cheum or to do this because Mew will totally tip off the edge if Ray goes down, he gains nothing from this. There is a genuine flash of concern and recognition in his face as he watches Ray cry and scream that actually maybe they aren't so different. Maybe both of their realities are pitiful and lonely.

It's just so interesting that even as things come to a close and we can tell these characters are going to split apart and take some distance, abandon each other and pray it means they come back one day able to show up better for each other as friends... they still choose love, against all odds. It's a bittersweet goodbye because they're all angry and hurting and confused about who they are and why they're behaving the way they do but even in that final moment as Cheum pulls the curtain closed, she's that last string to break when Ton has been forced to pull away and so has Top, and we can tell Ray will try to cling to Mew a little less as he battles with Cheums harsh truth that maybe he really is bad for Mew and maybe Mew really isn't enough for him. They all show up to protect Ray and each other one last time. Even if it's hopeless.

Because love and loyalty remains unconditional even if they don't like the versions of themselves they can see right now. Because even when you don't agree with choices your nearest and dearest make, even when you can't forgive it, they will still always be your broken fucked up little family.

It’s the fact that the all kind of love won in the end that got me. Like they really, really showed them all choose love and happiness, in all the forms in can take place in.

Self love

and family love

Romantic love

Friendship love

They are all as important as one another and I really love this message! It made for a great ending.