Hi Bub!! Your Prompt On Avoiding Your Crush Is One Of My Fave Fics Ever And I Was Wondering If U Could

hi bub!! your prompt on “avoiding your crush” is one of my fave fics ever and i was wondering if u could write this with any of the genshin boys ❤️ hope u have an amazing day!!

avoiding your crush

feat. Childe, Kazuha, Ayato

part two, three

CHILDE

You used to visit Childe at work all of the time. Keyword: used.

But when you came to terms with the fact that you were developing feelings for your friend, the visits became less frequent. Eventually you stopped all together. It was difficult for you to be around him without your heart threatening to burst out of your chest at any given moment.

Things were going well- er as well as it could be. You thought avoiding Childe would help settle your heart but you only began to miss him more. Still, you knew that this had to be done for the both of you. But when you were heading back to your place after stopping by the market, you were surprised to see Childe standing outside your door.

“Ajax,” you awkwardly smile at him as if you hadn’t been ignoring him for a couple weeks now, “shouldn’t you be working right now?”

Childe frowns at you as he follows you into your home, “I haven’t seen you in two weeks and that’s the first thing you say? Why haven’t you been visiting me? Or even hanging out with me during my free time?”

Your smile drops. Honestly, you had been hoping that he was too busy to notice your absence.

“I- errr,” you hesitate, thinking of what sort of excuse you could use. but before you can speak more, Childe is already bombarding you with questions.

“Is there a reason why you stopped coming by? Is there someone in the Fatui making you uncomfortable?” he asks, a mixture of worry and anger riddled across his face.

“I- what? No it’s not like that—” your own eyes widen, realizing that Childe got the wrong impression as the result of your actions.

“Are you being threatened by someone? Is it another Harbinger? It’s Scaramouche isn’t it? I should have kn-”

“No! It’s none of that Ajax! It’s you— I don’t show up anymore because I like you and I don’t know what to do about it!” you yell, completely frustrated that he wouldn’t let you utter a single word. But as quickly as you said it, you come to regret your words.

Childe stands there in shock, and you know that you’ve messed up. You’ve essentially ruined the friendship you had with him by digging up the feelings you’ve been trying so desperately to hide.

“Wait no, please let me explain-” you try to come up with some sort of excuse for your words, but Childe shakes his head.

“Y/n, I’m going to go outside for just a second. Let me gather my thoughts please” he calmly tells you. And before you can even respond he steps out of your house, gently closing the door behind him.

But not even a minute passed and Childe reenters your house- albeit not looking that much different than he did before.

“I’m going to need you to repeat what you said for me please” he asks, his demeanor still calm. You can’t get a read on his expression, but you’re inclined to believe that he was upset with you.

“No I- well, what I meant was-” you start to stammer, trying to find away to retract your words and have it so he never heard you in the first place. In the midst of your incoherent ramblings, Childe walks up to yours standing a mere foot away.

He brings his hands up to your cheeks, and you have no choice but to look up at him.

“Y/n,” there was something about the tone in his voice- it was so soft but also so desperate, “please, repeat what you said. I want to make sure I heard correctly before I do anything”.

His words made you pause- because you could have a suspicion regarding the motive behind his words. But you’d rather not jump to any conclusions. Still, he was your closest friend that asked for your honesty.

“...I like you Ajax,” you finally admit.

Childe’s eyes widen ever so slightly, as if it was the first time he heard these words. He presses a kiss to your forehead before leaning his own forehead against yours, sighing in relief.

You felt your own cheeks warming up, and surely he could feel it too.

“You’re too precious, Y/n” he murmurs under his breath.

He straightens up, pleased with the flustered look on your face. But before he could tease you any further, he checks the time, cursing under his breath.

“Damn, okay I actually have to head back right now. But once I’m done with everything, let’s talk, yeah? I have something to confess to you too,” he grins at you, sneaking a quick kiss on your cheek before taking off.

You still stood in your house, groceries in hand, absolutely shocked at what just happened. Your cheeks continued to burn as you replayed his words in your brain.

It was certainly something to look forward to.

KAZUHA

When moment came around and you realized you had feelings for Kazuha, your closest friend, you honestly weren’t sure what to make of it. Perhaps this was just a small crush that would dissipate. It made sense- Kazuha was cute, he always knew the right things to say to make anyone’s heart flutter. Yours especially.

But the crush didn’t go away. If anything, you started to like him more as the days went by. You started noticing little details about him that only made him seem more endearing to you. And your heart couldn’t take it.

Just being around Kazuha made you frantic. You couldn’t help it when your gaze naturally lingered towards him, or the way you subconsciously stood perhaps the slightest bit too close to him. You felt like your heart was pouring out- and you were honestly afraid of coming off as overbearing around him.

And so, you started to distance yourself from the samurai. Not forever- just temporarily until you were able to ket yourself in check. You didn’t think much about your actions; in fact you thought that perhaps he wouldn’t even recognize your absence during this time.

But one morning, you hear knocking at your door, and who else wold be standing in front than Kazuha himself? By this point, two weeks have already passed. 

“Kazuha! What brings you here?” you nervously ask. The feelings you had for him didn’t settle down at all- if anything, seeing him like this after two weeks made your heart beat even faster.

But Kazuha remains stoic.

“Well, we haven’t spoken in a while, and everytime I see you out you seem to ignore me or walk in the other direction. Care to explain?” he asks you.

You can’t answer him. How would you come up with a reasonable explanation that didn’t give away all of your feelings at once?

“Have I done something wrong?” Kazuha asks once more, and you’re unable to meet his gaze, unsure of what to say.

But he takes your silence as an answer.

“I see,” he says, his eyes darting down to the floor, “well, I’m really sorry I’ve upset you. I’d like to know what I did wrong, but if you no longer wish to see me then I’ll respe-”

“No, it’s not like that!” you exclaim in full panic.

“Sometimes I just don’t know how to act around you and wait- it’s not like I’m intimidated by you or anything it’s because I get really nervous around you and my heart starts racing a lot and I think you’re really amazing-” you continue rambling about. Words were never your strong suit, a direct contrast to Kazuha’s natural tendency to be oh so articulate.

The samurai smiles, folding his arms as he leans against the doorway. Even amidst your babbling, he’s able to grasp the situation. He’s just waiting for you to say it first.

“I make you nervous? In what way? The same frightening way that monsters appear to new adventurers?” Kazuha asks you, his lips forming a small grin.

"What? No of course not! I’m not like scared of you in that way! It’s just that.. that..”

You fumble around with your words, and lose all composure as you become a flustered mess. Kazuha only chuckles, pulling you close to him so he could rest his forehead on your shoulder. If you weren’t so wrapped up with your words, you would’ve noticed the way Kazuha’s cheeks were absolutely flushed.

“I’m sorry— I didn’t mean to tease you so much. Take your time Y/n, and tell me when you’re ready, yeah?” he reassures you.

You don’t say a single word in response, only nodding along to his question. One of these days, you’d have the courage to face him and be honest with your feelings. And Kazuha could wait forever for that day.

Because unbeknownst to you, while you felt like your heart was racing all of the time around Kazuha, his heart was experiencing the same exact thing. It was only a matter of time before you would learn this though.

AYATO

Being friends with the Kamisato Clan certainly held a lot of perks. Not that you ever utilized these privileges— you were truly close to the Kamisato siblings (and Thoma) simply because you enjoyed being around them.

You were especially close with Ayato. You spent most of your free time up at the estate, and not a day went by where you weren’t in his office, chatting with him. Ayato insisted that you weren’t a bother and that he had just finished his work by the time you showed up- though you had doubts that this happened every time you swung by.

It didn’t take long for you to develop the biggest puppy crush on him.

Nor did it take long for rumors to circulate about you two.

You were walking around Inazuma City, aiming to buy groceries for the next hot pot game planned. And that’s when you heard the hushed whispers behind you.

“Isn’t that the one close to the Kamisato siblings?”

“I think so- I heard they’re just trying to get close to Ayato because he’s the head”

You stilled at their words- none of it was true of course. But you didn’t have any courage in you to tell them otherwise. You genuinely liked Ayato, and you never once used the Kamisato name to uplift yourself. Would anyone believe you though? You were still an outsider, so anyone would see you as someone trying to climb the social ladder. How frustrating. Normally you wouldn’t mind, but what if Ayato thought the same? You constantly pestered him— was he just humoring you this entire time while secretly resenting you?

And from the day onwards, you kept your visits to the estate to a minimum- only swinging by to finish any errands you had with them. And even when you were there, you avoided going to Ayato’s office, only speaking to Ayaka and Thoma. Hopefully he was too swamped with his duties to realize your absence.

But to hope for that was asking for too much.

Because days later, as you were strolling through Inazuma City, you felt a quick tap on your shoulder. Once you turned your head, you were greeted by Ayato’s face, mere inches away from your own.

“Found you,” Ayato smiles, and you feel your cheeks warming up. But before you can let your heart run wild, your eyes do a quick scan of the area around you. It was quite the busy street, and Ayato was bound to be recognized. You quickly grabbed his arm, pulling him to behind one of the shops and out of view from any passerby's.

“What are we doing back here? C’mon, lets go to the shops and buy stuff for our next hot pot game. We had to postpone the last one since you didn’t show up” Ayato says, grasping your hand in his and bringing you back to the bustling streets. You try resisting, still in a panic that someone could see the two of you together.

“Ayato wait no! People might think-” your pleads are quickly interrupted and Ayato comes to a halt, turning back around to face you. His usual smile was gone, replaced with a more serious expression.

“You don’t think I know what the latest gossip is around here? People talk nonsense all of the time. No matter what we do, they’ll always scrutinize us. I’ve learned to just ignore it and let it die down” Ayato tells you.

He hesitates for a second, and the look in his eyes turn solemn.

“However, if you still have objections, I’ll respect your decisions” he says, and you notice how the grip he has on your hand loosens a bit. Because maybe he could ignore these rumors, but the gossip subject was you, and Ayato didn’t know if you wanted to be entangled in such a lifestyle that would warrant this much attention.

You shake your head, adjusting your hand so that the two of you were now interlocking fingers.

“No… I’m fine with them. I just didn’t want you to believe in them either,” you murmur.

Ayato smiles softly at you, “I would never,” he reassures you before bringing your hand up to his lips, pressing a soft kiss on the back of your hand. From the corner of your eye you saw how people turned away, whispering amongst themselves. But neither of you cared at all.

“You know if they’re going to keep talking about how you’re using us to gain social status- might as well make you a Kamisato then,” Ayato chuckles, giving you a little wink. Flustered, you divert your gaze away, choosing to focus on the shops the two of you were walking past instead.

You don’t even want to think about what he could be implying— surely he was teasing you. But while you were too busy looking away from him, you missed the way he sported the fainted blush across his cheeks.

A Love Potion of Sorts

About: Somehow or another, they've fallen under the effects of a love potion.

Characters: Xiao, Heizou, Venti, Kazuha, Aether

A/N: You already have an established relationship with them! The potion just makes their feelings more intense and loosens their judgment, so they’re more prone to doing things that their self control might limit on normal days.

Xiao seemed lost in his thoughts for a while (as such, you thought the potion had no effect on him at first), but that belief is soon proven false when he tries to get your attention in a much bolder way than you expect.

He tilts your chin up with his finger as he asks you something, and when you’re stunned into silence Xiao raises a brow and leans closer. Your lips are centimeters apart by the time he repeats his words, but the look in his eyes seems to be asking a different question completely:

Should he be as selfish as to kiss you out of your daze?

If you thought Heizou was touchy before, he’s so much worse now; practically glued to your side and running his mouth about how cute his partner is. You’re such an adorable assistant to his detective work too, he just wants to sweep you off your feet!

But eventually Heizou's compliments start becoming more genuine, and when he asks if you’ll stay by his side, the look in his eyes are just a hint more vulnerable that you find yourself giving in to his demands. You sigh, resting your head on the crook of his neck in reassurance.

Despite the haughty front he puts up sometimes, Heizou just wants to know with certainty that you're there.

Venti is practically sitting in your lap while he faces you, cupping your face gingerly as he asks you a multitude of questions; How has your day been? Do you think there'll be apples in the forest nearby? Are you happy to see him?

His fingers are light as they brush over your cheeks. He admires your features as if it's the first time seeing them up close - by the time he reaches your lips, Venti traces the shape of them before leaning closer, and then stops himself with surprise flickering through his eyes.

Was he so drunk on your attention that he was about to kiss you without thinking? Even if the potion rendered him out of his mind, he wished his actions wouldn't give away his desires so easily...

You literally can't tell the difference in Kazuha's behaviour until you ask if he's alright - in which case it's like a dam has broken.

He maintains his calm and collected demeanor, but every word that escapes his lips causes you to grow more and more flustered, because they're all endearments about you.

Though it seems like he's completely lost his filter, you do manage to shut Kazuha up by cupping his face with your hand. The effect is short-lived however when he covers it with his own, shifting your hand so that he could kiss the inside of your palm.

Kazuha maintains eye contact, the subtlest of smirks on his lips.

Aether becomes more affectionate than usual, entwining your fingers every chance he gets and pulling you away when he sees something he thinks you'll like.

Later admits that he just wanted to be with you alone, hence why he brought you to a quiet spot to admire the scenery. Aether doesn't have the time to appreciate you as he'd like to, so he's taking this opportunity even if its influenced by a potion.

He asks you if you'd like to go to a cafe together later, and your refusal dies in your throat the moment you turn towards Aether and see his hopeful gaze. He holds your hands in his as he tells you about the dishes he wants you to try there, and it's as if you're staring right at the sun.

How could you ever say no to him?

hello yoru hope you're having an amazing day i love your blog <33

i would like to hear your thoughts on smoke kissing with kazuha,, i saw a fanart of him smoking on tiktok and it made me go absolutely feral

i would do illegal things for this man

omg omg i love that idea, the scent of tobacco is swirling through the air, your faces close to each other as you huffed out heavily. Kazuha‘s slow with it, taking your head in his hand to place his thumb on top of your lips, pushing his digit past them to pry open your mouth before inhaling the smoke only to exhale again, slightly pulling away and blowing it right at you. You‘re closing the distance between the both of you, the tobacco smell growing heavier as you lazily kissed each other. Kazuha‘s huffing out a laugh as you still had the smoke lingering over you, cheeks invaded with warmth at the newish found intimacy. <3

☼ — calling them a good boy II

word count. 3k

characters included. kazuha, scaramouche, heizou, diluc, kaeya

୨୧ — ꒰ cw. yandere, unhealthy relationships, possessive & obsessive thoughts/behaviors, religous + cult themes, sagau + cult au, etc. g/n reader. i do not codone yanderes irl.

୨୧ — ꒰ a/n. part one here! requested by nonnie <3 yes these are a *lot* longer, i wrote them in my notes app and 4 some reason that equals me writing more words??

kazuha

Kazuha shudders, swallowing hard as you run your hands along his cheek.

"So cute," you say, your smile audible in your voice. The tips of your fingers twirl his platinum blonde hair. "And all mine." Your breath is warm on his face. With you so close, he can almost smell you, if only he leaned forward some more. Your hands glide across his skin with the gentleness of a blade of grass brushing against his legs. Kazuha repeats your words in his mind until they're etched into his memories, until he can look back upon them and feel the heat of your breath.

Your touch is soft like a zephyr, calm and comforting. Your smile is like that of a breath of autumnal air, warm and mellow. Your presence feels like the vernal embrace of the sun's warmth, so perfect and soothing. To exist next to you is a blessing unto itself, to partake in the air you breathe euphoric. Kazuha's cheeks turn a dark sanguine, burning with heat. Your laughter is full of mirth, ringing out like bursts of gales. The sound of your happiness, to know that he is the cause, even at the expense of his dignity, is worth more than the skin on his back or the vision at his hip. All of his power is meaningless in front of you.

Kazuha shivers when your hands move downward. He's sure you can feel his Adam's apple bobble underneath your fingers, the sweat coating his skin. You retract your hands and rise all to quickly for Kazuha's muddied brain to catch up with, and he barely stops himself from whining at the lack of contact. Leaving him kneeling, Kazuha watches your figure, draped in silk and rich fabrics, as you turn and sit back down on your throne.

You take a moment to properly position yourself, then look at him with an expression of gaiety. You tap your lap languidly with half-lidded eyes, and Kazuha uses every muscle in his body to stop himself from pouncing forward. With shaky movements, Kazuha crawls toward you and carefully, tentatively, raises himself to his full height; his hands tremble as he, for only a moment, is above you. You look up at him expectantly, and slowly, with his heart stuck in his throat, Kazuha rests himself on your lap. His heart threatens to burst from his chest as your hands instantly coil around his form, keeping him locked against you. He's sure you can feel his pulse from how close you are, sure you can hear how loud is heartbeat is. You smile knowingly, rubbing soothing circles onto his back.

"Was that so hard?" You whisper against his ear playfully. Your lips brush against his earlobe. He takes in a sharp breath. "You're such a good boy for me... and it's just for me, right?"

There's a slight warning in your tone, a tiny edge. Kazuha flushes at the implications. He nods eagerly, staring at your cheeks instead of your eyes. He can see from his periphery your eyes crinkle at his movement, your smile widening.

"Good," you say, and trail a hand up his leg. Kazuha holds his breath, watching your hand sluggishly move upward. Your movements feel like torture. "Since you're my good boy, I think you deserve a reward, don't you?"

You squeeze his thigh, and Kazuha whimpers.

scaramouche

Scaramouche is weak to you in particular, it seems.

"Sit next to me," you say, patting the spot next to you on your bed. Your voice is soft, almost a whisper. Scaramouche shuts his eyes, allowing himself another second of reprieve. You have commanded him, and as your puppet, he must listen. He can imagine how smooth your silken sheets are, how they'd feel against his skin. Mostly, he thinks about how they must smell like you, by now. Perhaps you'd let him lie down, surrounded by your scent, your warmth. But to think that way was shameful, so he grips the thoughts tightly in his grasp; the ideas, the visages of you, the gentle mirages of you and him, and he rips them to pieces. He will not allow you to have this hold over him.

You repeat yourself at his silence, patiently waiting for him to follow. Your voice lingers in his mind for a moment, flittering like a current of electricity; his body moves on its own then, his own will lost.

Maybe this is his true will, somewhere deep inside. The thought is off-putting, though he know it likely true. Either way, your soft hands stretch away from you as soon as he's within reach, grabbing onto his thin wrists. You direct him next to you, but keep his hands within your own. Scaramouche stares at your face, your eyes, your smile; you know what you're doing as you return his gaze, taking his hands and moving them to your lips. You lay a small, benign kiss on his skin, looking up at him with a knowing smile. Scaramouche tries to snuff out the feelings that burn in his chest— happiness to be in your presence, blissfulness to be so close to you, euphoria to have your lips upon him, even in such a small way. He douses them, but the flames climb higher. He rips away their oxygen desperately, but still, the fire roars; unbidden, unstoppable.

"My good boy," you mumble against his skin, kissing his hands again. "You know that, don't you?"

Scaramouche nods his head, even though he wants to rip his hands away and ask you to stop. You look at him like that, as if you truly care— but he knows you don't. You can't. No one has cared before, and you will not be any different.

You drop his hands, setting them carefully back down. Your every touch is soft and calculated, touching him as if you're scared he'll run. He has thought about it before, so you're not entirely wrong. Slowly, you reach for his face, cupping his cheeks in your hands. Scaramouche feels his pulse quicken beneath his skin, his face heat up from your proximity. You run your thumbs over the apples of his cheeks, and Scaramouche is unable to stop himself from leaning into your touch, from eagerly lapping up the scraps you've deigned to give him.

"I think I need to tell you again," you say softly, keeping your eyes locked with his own. "You're my good boy. Only mine. I won't let anyone take you from me." You lean forward, and Scaramouche is almost overwhelmed by your scent. You're everywhere, surrounding him— he wants to grab onto you and never let go, to hide in your comfort. Your lips brush against his cheek, and his breath hitches in his throat. You kiss his face gently, then lean away.

A small Scaramouche wants to ask you to do it again. He wants to ask you to run your fingers through his hair, to allow him this one moment of peace where he does not need to concern himself with worldly affairs. But to ask would be selfish; to ask would mean demanding more from you than you've allotted him. He must be grateful for what you've given him so far. The rest of him wants to ask you to stop already, to quit pretending like he matters to you.

You hum, and gently push him into your embrace. Scaramouche shudders and closes his eyes.

Maybe, he can allow himself this small moment with you.

heizou

To Heizou, you are everything.

You are the opposite of sin. You are light, bereft of all evil and darkness. You are purity itself, a paragon of virtue: you are what every being should strive to be. You are beauty itself, ethereal and kind— you are incapable of vice, of committing the same evils as mankind. Heizou will listen when you call for him, when you ask for his presence. You can do no wrong. Anything you touch, you purify. Your mere presence could water any wilted flower, resuscitate any withering life form. To Heizou, you are the earth that holds up the world and the sky that contains it. You are the ground he walks upon, the mountains he climbs; you are infallible, immune to temptation.

As your hands run through his hair, Heizou has to stop himself from begging for more. Your touch is holy and sacred. To feel your fingers, your hands, your warmth— it’s a nauseating pleasure. Heizou feels almost drunk on you. He can only barely resist the urge to grab your hands and force them down his body, until every inch of himself is coated in your light— until he’s entirely yours, both in body and mind, until any being could look upon him and know who has marked him.

He shivers when your hands brush against the base of his neck. Heizou makes a small sound of obedience, looking up at you on your throne through half-lidded eyes. A part of him feels slightly embarrassed that you’re seeing him in such a pathetic state, but the rest of him can feel only pride as he stares at his reflection in your eyes. You’re staring at him, no one else. Your hands are tangled through his hair, intermittently tugging and pulling; you’re doing this to him, not to another. Nobody is worthy of you, not even him— but the rest only worship you in name. None of them strive to be like you as he does, not one of them understands your ideals as he does.

“You’re such a good boy, Heizou.” You run your thumb over his lips, laughing at his imploring gaze. Heizou feels adrenaline rush through his veins at your praise. He’s done good by you! You praised him! His greatest wish has always been to please you, to leave you satisfied with him— to hear your voice say what he has only imagined you saying before leaves Heizou breathless.

“Such a cute boy.” A playful smile tugs at your lips. Heizou’s heartbeat quickens at your words, his face bursting with color. You cup his face in your hands and he leans forward, smiling at your touch. "I want to hear you say it. You're only my good boy."

Heizou's smile widens, his eyes looking up at you with awe. His heart clenches and threatens to burst at the thought of announcing he's yours. He has only dreamed of you claiming him, of entering your fold and becoming yours entirely. He wouldn't mind it if you changed parts of him to better fit your preferences; anything until he's truly worthy of you, anything to deserve your eyes on him, for him to continue to breathe in your presence.

"Only yours," he says, voice weak. "I'm only yours. Only your good boy."

diluc

Diluc shuts his eyes when you call for him.

It's not that he doesn't desire to look at you. No, it's that he can't tear his eyes away from you once he does. You are everything— perfect in every way. You do not desire anything from him, only that he worship you. In return, he receives your love, your guidance. Diluc doesn't know what he's done to deserve your preference, but he would not deny you anything he could provide for you. If you ask for his presence, he will arrive at your beck and call. If you want to touch him, Diluc will lay still until you've had your full. If you desire for his eyes to look upon you, he will open them, however reluctantly.

As Diluc takes in your form, his heart roars with all the strength of a wildfire. Your throne is etched with intricate, glistening jewels; multifaceted and multicolored. The loveliest riches can buy; yet, they still look so lacking in comparison to you— beauteous and heavenly you. You will always stick out in Diluc's mind. He has long etched your appearance into his memories, long unforgettable no matter how many years past. He could spot you, even if he's long since weathered from old age and if he's forgotten who he is. He could never forget you, his god; the one he worships above all else.

"Come here, won't you?" You say coyly. You phrase it like a question, but Diluc knows it's an order. His legs move him towards you before he even has any time to fully register your words, so used to following your orders. Diluc is only this complacent for you. He has thought about telling you before, uttering every thought he has of you, of showcasing just how much you consume his every waking moment. But he's sure you must already know, which is why you tap your lap.

"Rest your head here," you say. "You've been working so hard for me, haven't you? I think you deserve a break."

Diluc's heart stutters in his chest. His body awkwardly kneels before you, and with a small pause of hesitation, Diluc slowly lays his head on your lap.

You hum in contentment. "Good boy," you say, and with no prior warning, untie his hair. You move with no rush, slowly threading your fingers through his bright red hair. Diluc, however, is still reeling from your words, repeating them to himself like a mantra. Good boy? If it were anyone else, he would've found the words distasteful, almost mocking. Perhaps he would've gone so far as to completely cut off whoever would dare to utter such a thing to him. But from you, the words spark a desire. A desire for more, a desire for you to stay with him for a little longer. Diluc does not like to be without you— the comfort you bring like the warmth of a familiar embrace. His eyes flutter close when your hands find a particular sensitive spot, goosebumps lining his flesh. He hides his face in your lap before his brain can catch up with his movements.

Just as Diluc almost scrambles away and apologizes, you laugh. He freezes at the sound, face burning at how angelic your laughter is, then shudders as you resume playing with his hair.

"Good boy," you say again. "Just my good boy."

Diluc gulps loudly, averting his eyes. He leans into your lap again.

kaeya

Kaeya should hate that he can't bring himself to detest you.

You are perfection personified. You are virtuous, kind, and loving. Once, Kaeya hated you. He hated your image, your faux benevolence. You were the cause behind his suffering, the perpetrator; if you held even an inkling of love for him that so many claimed you did, none of what happened to him should've come to pass. Yet, they did, and there were only two logical conclusions: either you did not exist, or you did not care.

Kaeya denied you entry. He refused to allow himself to just be mere entertainment to you. He refused to let you diminish him to nothing more than your plaything. He would not be thrown away, used and discarded. He would not let his years of guilt, regret, and sorrow be reduced to something you could just gawk at. His pain was not for you to see. His grief was not for you to analyze. It was his own, not yours. If you were real, you would have to prove yourself to him; not the other way around.

"Kaeya," you coo. He snaps to attention, shuddering from the softness of your voice. Slowly, like he is truly afraid of upsetting you even in this small way, Kaeya raises his head. Kneeling before you should feel shameful, after everything. He should be ashamed to kneel before the one person responsible for everything he has endured. But Kaeya has long since accepted the way you make him feel, that absolute sense of security. He has long since foregone his own ego, pride and dignity. When it is just the two of you, Kaeya is nothing more than your sick, devoted worshiper.

"Kaeya," you say again, a small chuckle leaving your lips. Kaeya's mind feels dazed, almost, the sound of your voice saying his name leaving him weak. He wants to ask you to say his name again, and again, until he can never forget it. Until it's so embedded into his mind that even when he dies, he'll hear it clearly, ringing out like a loud clap of thunder. He never wants to forget the way you make him feel. "Come here to me, my good boy."

With an almost puppy-like eagerness so unlike him, Kaeya moves toward you. Your words, your praise, your attention; all of it is directed onto him. To be the only one standing in your gaze, the only one in the reflection in your eyes, feels more right than anything else in his life has felt before. To imagine being beside you in such a way leaves Kaeya yearning. All too quickly, Kaeya is kneeling directly at your feet.

You tap your lap. "Sit here."

Kaeya blinks. Then, he smirks. "What's this about?" he asks, but he's hurriedly moving on his feet to do as you ordered, excited at the prospect. For the one moment where he rises above you, Kaeya finds himself feeling vaguely sick. Such a position is unnatural. To be above you, even in this sense— is wrong. He quickly bows his head as he settles himself into position, and leans into you when you snake your arms around his waist and tug him closer to your chest.

"Good boy." You praise him so easily he almost feels silly for getting so happy about it. But still, Kaeya's heart thumps in his chest and melts when you rub the sides of his abdomen. This warmth, this affection; this safety and peace that only comes when he is around you. This is why Kaeya has found himself unable to hate you as easily as he did in the past— he realized as soon as he could comprehend the love from your control— all of his suffering, his pain and agony; all of it was meant to lead back to you. If Kaeya had to live through all of it again for you, he would.

You are heaven given form. To worship you so closely; nothing would be too much of a price.

be still, my heart.

# — pairing: kazuha x gn!reader

# — characters: gender neutral reader, kazuha, lumine, aether

# — summary: you're not really cut out for this whole "matchmaker" deal.

# — warnings: n/a

# — tags: long fic (~9k words), 3+1 format, fluff, angst, misunderstandings, hurt/comfort, (failed) matchmaking, aether & lumine are your best friends

# — notes: finally, finally, finally! i finished a commission! thank you so, so much again to the commissioner; your support means so, so much to me, especially at a time like this. i had a lot of fun writing this :D reblogs and reactions are greatly appreciated, and i really hope you all enjoy! 🥰

wanna join the tag list?

i.

"hey! do you mind if i sit here?"

in hindsight, you should've known right away that that was a stupid question to ask. the café is far from crowded at this time of day. there's a smattering of people sitting at tables and all of them are alone, and there's still an empty table here and there. if you were going to be subtle about wanting to sit near this guy, you should have chosen, say, the empty seat behind him. but thank your lucky stars; the man is kind enough to smile back at you and gesture to the seat across from him.

alright. one foot in the door.

the guy in question is none other than kaedehara kazuha, the english major who's famous for his insightful poetry and exceptional grades. everyone loves this guy, even professors outside of his department. he's not the most social, but he's open to anyone and everyone who happens across him, and it would appear that you are a part of that as well. it's a good thing, too — if he'd secretly been an asshole, you'd have turned tail immediately. of course, that'd only make you look more suspicious than you already do, but that's besides the point.

when you say that everyone loves kazuha, you mean everyone — and that includes your best friend lumine. it just so happens that kazuha is also the object of many people's affections — the perks of being popular, you figure. it came as a real shock to you that lumine was interested in him of all people; you could've sworn she was head over heels for ayaka, the endearing political science and dance double major that she spends a lot of time with. but instead, lumine came to you out of the blue one evening gushing about kazuha.

"wait, wait, wait. are you telling me that you have a crush on him?" you closed your book to gape at lumine, who was sitting across from you with her chin propped in her hand.

lumine nodded. "yeah. what, is that weird or something?"

you raised an eyebrow. "very." you stood up and circled the table to eye her closely. lumine watched you the entire time, her eyes curious. "did you get hurt anywhere? hit your head or something?"

"oh my god, you're ridiculous." lumine pushed you away lightly. "i just think he's... dreamy..?"

"you don't sound too sure about that."

"fuck off, you know i'm not good with this sort of thing." lumine flipped you off. "but you know who is? kazuha." when you scoffed and sat back in your seat, she sighed. "would you stop being an asshole and help me out?"

you opened your book and skimmed the words. "what now? are you gonna tell me to set you up with him or something?" when lumine didn't answer for a few seconds, you froze. you looked up at her with mild horror. "ohh no. fuck no, i am not playing matchmaker. do it yourself."

lumine didn't answer you at that. you knew very well why she didn't do these things herself. you're aware of her reputation on campus; she's not exactly the most popular, but those who do know her know that she can appear rather callous at times. lumine's rough exterior made it difficult for her to branch out, which was probably why she was asking you to begin with. once it occurred to you, you groaned. "fine." you conceded. "but you're doing all the hard work."

lumine's face brightened into a smile you don't think you've ever seen her wear before. "you're the best." she reached across the table and tapped your hand. "seriously."

meanwhile, you'd already started dreading the first interaction you were supposed to have with kazuha. "yeah, yeah," you muttered. "whatever."

because at the end of the day, who are you to question lumine? she's been by your side through thick and thin ever since middle school. she's got your back and you've got hers (and her brother's). you'd do just about anything for her if she asked, no matter how ridiculous it seems. although, you think as you settle in your new seat, this is pretty fucking ridiculous. playing matchmaker is stupid, especially for a guy like kazuha, who has probably had this kind of thing happen to him before. you can only hope that that's not the case.

you pull out a notebook and a pen to start idly writing when you notice that in front of you, kazuha's closed his book. when you look up, you see that he's actually staring at you. what for? "is something wrong?" you ask. "i can move if you want me to; i didn't mean to disturb you."

kazuha shakes his head, his platinum bangs brushing over his forehead. he has a streak of crimson in his hair, you notice. it's kind of cute. in fact, now that you're really looking at him, you can really see why people are so drawn to him. he's very attractive with his kind eyes and almost serene expression. you see his lips moving then and realize that he must have been saying something for a while. shit, were you checking him out just now? did he notice? it's not until his lips stop moving that you realize that you have no idea what he just said. "i'm sorry, i, uh... really should've got some coffee before i sat down. can you say that again?" you give him an apologetic smile in hopes that it'll make him forget that you obviously weren't listening just now.

kazuha actually smiles then. it seems like he's always doing that, really. your ears start to burn; he probably thinks you're ridiculous. "that's alright." he tilts his head to the side slightly and says your name. when you raise your brows, his smile grows. "i figured my guess was correct. you're friends with lumine, aren't you?"

oh, right! duh! how did you already forget your goal? stupid pretty boy and his stupid face. "ah, yeah," you reply. "she's my roommate too, actually."

"i see." kazuha pushes his book to the side and you follow the movement. is he trying to start conversation? this wasn't exactly how you saw this playing out, but hey, that saves you the trouble of coming up with a topic. "how long have you two known each other?"

perfect. you've got him hook, line, and sinker. with lumine as the topic of conversation, you'll have him smitten with her in no time. "since middle school," you say with a smile. "she and aether moved into the house beside mine and my mother tasked me with befriending them. the rest is history, i suppose."

kazuha looks endeared. "the two of them must have been a handful, no?"

you don't miss the playfulness in his tone. yeah, you can really see why people like him. you weren't exactly supposed to get caught in his little web, but here you were, charmed by the guy anyway. at kazuha's request, you divulge a few stories about your history with lumine. you cherry pick stories that are centered around her and leave out the more embarrassing parts (which is difficult since you guys were some embarrassing kids); when this is over, she better love you for talking her up like this.

at some point, kazuha excuses himself for a moment. while you wait, you pull out your phone and text the group chat that you have with lumine and aether.

[ me ]: you owe me your soul after this, bitch

[ lulu☆]: oh my god, did you actually find and talk to him

[ lulu☆]: i didn't think you'd actually do it, help

[ me ]: you asked, didn't you? and i said i would, so

[ lulu☆]: that's not

[ lulu☆]: well..

[ lulu☆]: okay look what did you tell him

[ me ]: don't worry, i didn't embarrass you

[ me ]: ...yet

[ aefer☆]: did you tell him about the time she nearly shit herself because a cat fell out a tree on her head

[ aefer☆]: cause that's funny

[ me ]: shit u're right, i should've mentioned that

[ me ]: but no.. i had to talk her up to impress him

[ aefer☆]: i would've told him. just sayin

[ lulu☆]: i know where you live, bitch

[ aefer☆]: what a coincidence, so do i

[ me ]: okay he's coming back, later losers ♡

[ aefer☆]: make sure to tell him the story!!

you chuckle at your phone before you put it away. when you look up, kazuha is seated in front of you with two cups on the table; one looks to be coffee, while the other seems to be tea — green tea from the smell of it. you blink in surprise and open your mouth, but before you can ask, kazuha explains: "you said you needed coffee and it just so happens that i needed a pick-me-up as well." he gestures to the coffee and gently eases it towards you. "so i took the liberty of getting some for you."

you shake your head quickly. you weren't supposed to be indebted to him! "y-you really shouldn't have!"

kazuha's expression falls a little and you swear you feel your heart tug. "was that too forward of me? my apologies, i..."

fuck, you can't have him looking so downcast. you try to cover up your flustered state with a grateful smile. "no, no, i mean-- thank you, really, but you're too kind. how much was it? at least let me pay you back."

"there's no need," he says. "i got it because i wanted to. and what better need to celebrate a new friend than over a drink they enjoy?"

you blink twice. once because you're surprised he considers you a friend already, and twice because if you're not mistaken, kazuha looks... sheepish. you stare at him just a moment longer and this time it's him who breaks eye contact as he moves to sip from his tea. confused, you drink from the coffee he got for you. the second the flavor hits your tongue, you make a noise of surprise. "this is.." you mutter.

"ah." kazuha sets down his own drink. "i'm sorry, i forgot to explain. i wasn't quite sure how you took your coffee, so i guessed. it's not bad, is it?" he actually looks worried. "should i take it back for you?"

"no, no, it's not bad, it's..." it's perfect, you think. this is exactly how you order your coffee every time. how did he guess this well? your order isn't exactly standard; it would take some serious thinking to get it down to a T. "it's great," you finish your sentence. "thank you so much."

relief settles on kazuha's face. "that's good." he sets his tea aside and keeps his attention on you. "would it be too forward of me to ask if you have any more stories to share? they're quite interesting."

right. shit. you're here to play matchmaker. this is the second time you've forgotten your goal. you put your coffee to the side and launch into another story that you'd thankfully lined up in case he wanted to keep the conversation going. kazuha listens attentively; his eyes are on you the entire time and his usual smile grows wider each time you giggle when you remember something funny.

he's very easy to talk to, you think. you wouldn't mind doing this over and over. this is a win-win situation for you and lumine; she'll get a boyfriend, and you'll have a new friend.

(you won't realize it just yet, but the skip in your pulse each time kazuha laughs is far from platonic.)

ii.

it's nice to have a new addition to the group — really, it is — but does he really need to be invited everywhere?

lately, whenever you, aether, and lumine go out as a trio, kazuha ends up receiving an invite as well. sometimes he gets the invite from you, but every other time, it seems to be coming from lumine. it's a little irritating, honestly. not because kazuha is annoying, no — he's the furthest thing from it. if anything, he's the most soothing person you've ever known (amongst other things). no, what's annoying is that lumine seems to be taking charge of this whole matchmaking thing herself, which leaves you without an objective. because really, if she's gonna make sure he's around all the time, then what did she have you get involved for?

take now, for example. the four of you are in an arcade celebrating the end of midterm season, and when you entered, you decided that you'd be split into pairs — you with aether, and lumine with kazuha. you and aether complained when lumine suggested bringing kazuha along on the grounds that the two of you would be third wheeling. so she suggested splitting into groups.

for some reason, the initial pairing put you with kazuha. not like you're one to complain — you love the time you spend with him. but seeing as how you spend a couple hours every day chatting him up in that café, you think you can do without him for a few hours today. you said as much when the first pairs were decided on.

"aw, you'll hurt his feelings!" aether said with a chuckle. "don't you wanna be around your new friend for a while?"

before you spoke, you stole a peek at kazuha who looked... a little hurt. you thought you were imagining it since he was smiling along with the joke, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. regret started to claw at your throat and you tried to take it back, but kazuha spoke before you could.

"i'm more than happy to spend time with lumine," he said. "we don't spend much time together as it is."

your fingers slow to a stop on the game you're playing. do kazuha and lumine really not spend time together? that was the whole reason you spent time with him — to get him more motivated to speak to her in the first place. was he still too shy to speak to her? no, you think as you pick up the game. he wouldn't have jumped at the opportunity to be with her tonight if he was really shy. besides, shy just isn't kazuha's character; he has moments where he's a little hesitant, but he's certainly not the shy type.

then why weren't they together more often? you feel confused for a moment, but then it hits you — you've been taking up kazuha's time, not her.

there's no reason why you should be in that café for so long with kazuha. your mission was simple: get him interested in lumine, get them to hang out, and then watch the rest unfold. but instead, you've been hogging all his time, talking about topics that had nothing to do with this whole matchmaking situation to begin with.

you swear lowly when your character dies on screen. if anyone is to blame for the lack of progress being made, it's kazuha. he's the one who's always asking off-topic questions when you meet up. specifically, he would coax you into talking about yourself somehow. how he does that, you're not sure, but you hate it. he's making this difficult!

oh, your mind just can't stop running. kazuha's making everything so complicated! why did he look so dejected when he said you wanted to hang with someone else? why does he want to know so much about you? why does he smile so brightly when he sees you in passing? why isn't he sticking to lumine's side? is he even going to make a move? is that why he jumped at the chance to do so today? why didn't he do so earlier, and why in the fuck does your chest hurt right now?!

"if you hold the controls any harder, i think they're gonna break."

aether's voice suddenly appears to your left, startling you. you let go of the controls in your shock and soon after, a fluorescent red 'game over' appears on the screen. you glare at him and punch his arm. "you asshole, you made me lose the game." you hiss.

aether's lips curve into a cheeky smile. "actually, you were already losing. you kinda suck at this game."

"i don't, i just..." you sigh and look at the screen. "i was just thinking about something else."

"now are you making an excuse, or were you really distracted this whole time?" aether asks. when you struggle to come up with a response, he rests a hand on your shoulder. you don't look at him, though. you're too busy trying to figure out why your throat feels like it's closing. aether calls your name once, then twice. you still don't answer. just when you think he's given up, he drapes an arm over your shoulder and pulls you to him. "how about we go get something to drink?" he finally suggests. "it's been a while."

you look at him and for a split second notice how blurry he is. you blink a few times and it goes away. weird. you still can't really form words, so you nod and allow aether to whisk you away from your game.

once you're seated with your drink, you let your mind go off the rails. why does the thought of kazuha asking lumine out bother you so much? that's literally why you became friends with him in the first place, no? you're supposed to be relieved — once they start dating, you can wash your hands of this whole ordeal and be on your merry way. at least, that's the plan... right?

"we came out here to stop thinking," aether speaks up. "but you look like you're still studying. what're you thinking so hard about?"

you open your mouth to explain yourself but quickly shut it. you can't just tell lumine's brother that you're having second thoughts about getting her a boyfriend! best friends or not, his first priority is his sister's happiness; if you back out, you'll definitely have to face aether's wrath later. yet still, you want nothing more than to unload these confusing emotions onto aether's shoulders — you need to explain yourself or else you feel like you're going to pop.

you feel crazy. are you crazy? you think you're going crazy. and dammit, why does your throat still feel so tight?

after a few seconds pass, you decide to bite the bullet. you hate to toss aether in the middle like this, but who else are you going to tell this to? kazuha? yeah, fuck that. "it's... about kazuha." you rasp. you take a sip of your drink.

for some reason, aether sits up a bit straighter. you don't recognize the look he's giving you. maybe intrigued is the right word? "yeah?" he leans his chin in his hand. "what about him?"

"i think... i think i fucked up somewhere." you feel a little lighter now that you've gotten that out. that's the heart of the problem... you think.

"how? he's spending time with lumine, isn't he?"

"yeah, now he is. didn't you hear him earlier? he said that they didn't spend much time together."

"aaaand..?"

"what do you mean and? they're supposed to be together all the time!" you scoff. "i tell him about her like, every day, and yet they're still so stiff around each other whenever we all meet up!" a thought occurs to you, then. the four of you hung out all the time, but each time, you were in a group. "wait, do they never actually hang out outside of our outings?"

aether's frowning a little at you. surely he understands what you're talking about, right? "you think that that's weird?" he asks.

you throw your hands up in frustration. "yes, that's weird! god, why am i even doing this if he's just gonna hang out with me instead of--" you shut your mouth.

intrusive thoughts are funny little things. soft as they may be, they leave ripples in your mind. and those ripples grow bigger and bigger as they spread, reaching the far corners of your brain until they become all you can think about. yours are pretty out there: what if i tripped and fell right now? or what if i'm reading the stop signal wrong and i walk into traffic by accident? they make you reconsider your every move, make you see reality in a different light. these particular thoughts, however, send you spiraling.

what if kazuha likes me? becomes: what if i like kazuha? which eventually turns into: i do like kazuha.

"oh." you mumble. "shit."

"i feel like you just had a revelation without me, and i'm feeling very out of the loop right now." aether gestures between the two of you. "are we on the same page right now?"

"god, i hope not." you groan and push your face into your hands. this is the fucking worst. it's supposed to be the worst, anyway — for some reason, you feel the urge to smile. feelings are strange like that, huh? you realize that you have a big crush on the guy you're supposed to be setting your best friend up with and yet you want to smile — you want to take a breath of fresh air, like this is a good thing. "aether, i'm a horrible fucking person." you laugh derisively. "the fucking worst."

aether, who'd been sitting across from you this whole time, moves to sit next to you. when you finally look at him, you see that he's frowning, his face marred by confusion and worry. "as much as we like to joke about it, i can't read your mind. you need to tell me what's up."

"...promise you won't hate me?"

"why would i ever?" aether looks at you like you slapped him. dork.

you smile, but it doesn't last very long. "i just, uh... realized something."

"would you quit being suspenseful and get to the point?"

fine. you decide to let it all out. "i like kazuha, aether. there. i like him a fucking lot. he's really pretty and he's kind, he spends time with me every day, even when he's busy; he holds my hand sometimes when we talk and i swear, i feel like i can fucking fly whenever he does, and i..." you take a deep breath. "i'm a fucking moron because i'm letting down lumine. she's supposed to be with him, not me. i have to let this go."

aether's silent. you feel your throat tighten up again and immediately recognize the feeling — you want to fucking cry, dammit. you're a terrible fucking friend, and that's exactly what aether's about to say--

"you need to tell her," he says seriously. "and you need to do it now before things get worse."

that's... not the reaction you were expecting. "aren't you mad at me? i-i'm supposed to be helping out your sister but i'm--"

"falling in love." aether finishes for you. you try to deny it, but he's not hearing it. "trust me, it'll get to that point soon enough. you can't wait until then -- you have to say something. please," he implores you, "for your own good."

you want to say that you shouldn't do anything to benefit yourself, not when you've fucked up so majorly, but you hold your tongue. you really don't know what to do now. how are you supposed to look kazuha in the face after this? you were always enjoying yourself when you were around him, but now you understand that you enjoyed yourself far too much. he's supposed to be with lumine and he's--

a sudden call of your name has you snapping your head up. in front of you is none other than kazuha and lumine.

speak of the fucking devil and he will appear.

the two of them are wearing matching smiles and carrying four plushies from the prize counter. they look so... happy. all at once, you cram your raging emotions into a box and shove them into the furthest corner of your mind. that can wait -- what's important now is these two lovebirds and the rest of the evening. you ease away from aether and sit up straighter, plastering a friendly smile on your face. "did you two kids have fun?" you ask.

(beside you, aether's frown deepens.)

"i learned quite a few things while playing with lumine tonight." kazuha is the first to speak. he adjusts the two plushies in his arms and looks over to lumine. "the most important thing being that she's amazing at video games."

lumine sniffs proudly. "he's the one who didn't believe me when i said i would kick his ass at anything we tried. aether and i used to play games like these all the time when we were kids. but," she nudges kazuha's shoulder affectionately, "you put up a good fight. i respect the effort, but better luck next time."

"i'll keep that in mind." kazuha chuckles.

next time, he said. there's going to be a next time. they're going to go on a date. you giggle softly despite yourself. now's not the time. not when they look so happy. you feel aether pinch your arm, but you swat him away subtly. "that's good to hear." you say. "is there something else you guys wanna do tonight?" you hold your breath, hoping they say no.

fortunately (or unfortunately), aether cuts in. "actually, lumine, wait." he doesn't say anything else after that, but judging by lumine's expression, you wonder if they're doing that twin communication thing. you've always wondered what that's like, having another half. aether and lumine are always sharing information over everyone's heads -- sometimes, you wish they'd include you.

lumine nods after a second. they must have finished their psychic conversation. "actually, aether and i have to head back." she shrugs one shoulder. "something came up."

kazuha's brows knit with concern. "is everything alright?"

"yeah, aether has to take a shit or something. i don't know." lumine is suddenly hit in the face with a wadded up napkin while you poorly stifle a laugh. she doesn't retaliate the same way she normally would, but she does shoot aether a glare that could probably melt steel beams. "anyway," she smooths her expression over and looks straight at you. "are you two gonna be okay alone? because this is kind of urgent."

wait. shit. fuck, no, no, no! she can't leave you with kazuha! why is she trying to leave you with kazuha?!

words fail you in this moment; you open and close your mouth a few times as you struggle to find the right words. there's so much going on in your head; you could say yes and have some alone time with kazuha, but lumine is supposed to be the one having alone time with kazuha, not you! if you say no, then kazuha might look like a kicked puppy again, and you don't want to see him looking so sad, dammit! but then again, if you say yes, you could interrogate him and find out why he and lumine haven't hung out often, right? but--

"we should be fine." kazuha speaks before you can, leaving you floored. "i'll see them home when we're finished here."

well, there goes your internal conflict. it's too late to back out now. you put on a brave face and hope that neither lumine nor aether can see through it. "i'll see if i can keep that winning streak for you, lumine." you say.

kazuha chuckles quietly. "is that a challenge i hear?"

god... damn him. "it sure is." you play along and give him a grin.

all your years of friendship must have meant nothing, because lumine doesn't pick up on your silent distress signals. she and aether say quick goodbyes before turning and heading home, leaving you with kazuha. once the twins are gone, you hop to your feet. since there's no one here to save you, you may as well dive in head first. "so," you say with a sigh, "which game do you want to play first?"

rather than suggest a game, kazuha shakes his head. "we don't have to play a game if you don't want to." like always, he tilts his head to the side just a little. he's so endearing. "you don't seem like you want to play anymore. am i correct?"

"i..." you deflate a little. "yeah, you're right. i'm sorry. i don't want to bore you or anything, but i just don't have it in me anymore."

thankfully, kazuha doesn't pry. he pushes one of the plushies in your direction. you'd actually forgotten he was holding it. it's a little penguin with a frog hat on — absolutely adorable. the other penguin that he's holding has a dinosaur hat. were they a matching set?

you don't take the plushy right away, which prompts kazuha to speak. he shifts his stance a little bit and... maybe it's just the trick of the light — it is quite dark in here — but you think you can see his cheeks turning color. "this is for you," he says. in an uncharacteristic moment of shyness, he suddenly backtracks. "only if you want it, of course. i won't push it on you, but... i figured that you might like it."

you blink a few times. you kick yourself and reach out to take the penguin — it's soft to the touch and the perfect size for hugging. you hold the thing gingerly in your arms and stare at it for a moment. did he really get this for you? or did he get this for lumine? maybe she didn't want it and that's why he's giving it to you; yeah, that has to be it. but just to be sure, you look up at kazuha, hoping you're not smiling as widely as you think you are. "you really didn't have to. why're you so nice to me, huh?"

you foolishly asked that as a joke, but this time, you're absolutely sure kazuha's face starts to redden. it's hidden by the lights of the games around you, but even in this dim lighting, you know what you saw. he doesn't look too fazed by it, though. "must there be a reason?" he asks in return.

you know what? no. some things are better left unexplained. you shake your head and hug the penguin close. "thank you, kazuha." you think you're going to explode. "really. i love it."

"i'm glad," kazuha says. and boy, does he look the part. the relief on his face is palpable. for someone with such an even expression, he sure is easy to read when he's nervous. what he's nervous about, you have no idea. but he's also really fucking cute. he shifts on his feet and breaks eye contact after a beat of silence. "why don't we get you home?" he suggests. "it's probably late at night."

ah. well, there goes your excitement. he just wants to get rid of you now, huh? for someone who's not supposed to like him, you sure do have pretty intense mood swings when he's involved. you agree and the two of you head outside and start towards your home.

the walk home is slow and silent, and kazuha's walking close by your side. you'd think of something to say, but it's a very comfortable silence — with you hugging the plushie that he got for you in one arm, you don't see any reason to speak. it's not like this is abnormal, anyway; he's seen you home many times before. you hazard a glance at kazuha after a moment to find scarlet eyes already focused on you. you look away in a hurry, as does he. weird.

even weirder still, you feel kazuha's fingers knock against yours. are you two really walking that close together? you flinch away from his touch like he'd burned you. "i'm sorry." he apologizes right away.

"no, it's okay." you reassure him. to make him believe you, you put your hand back where it was. it's not until you do that you realize that that wasn't the first time your hands have touched. you soon find that that wasn't the last, either; once more, kazuha's fingers knock against yours. you don't move away this time, instead opting to knock back. you swear you can hear him chuckle when you do, but maybe you're just imagining things.

a few more seconds pass and you feel kazuha's fingers intertwining with yours, and for a second, your mind completely stops. tonight was moving so fast — first you realize that you're a goner for kazuha, then he gifts you a plushie, and then he's holding your hand? what is happening right now? and why aren't you pulling away?

you should pull away, you have to, but... you can't bring yourself to. your fingers lock with kazuha's one by one until eventually, you're completely holding his hand. he's so warm, you think. he always is. the walk home remains silent, and you and kazuha exchange playful squeezes every so often.

(to make yourself feel better, you tell yourself that this is just you training him for when he starts dating lumine. maybe that will ease your conscience.)

iii.

so you're in love with kazuha. big fucking surprise there.

you quickly realized that you were doomed from the moment you met. not that it was love at first sight, but he charmed you right away. he was the one who had you hook, line, and sinker from the very start. it doesn't help that he became a permanent addition to your friend group; you're forced to face him and your feelings just about every single day. you're reminded every day of how much of a weakling you are when it comes to him. you hold his hand, you share food with him, you sleep with the plushie he gave you, you borrow his sweaters... you're a fucking mess.

it's agonizing. you were supposed to be helping lumine and kazuha get together, but you grew too greedy and inserted yourself into a position that wasn't meant for you. you try every day to rationalize with yourself and aay that the two of you are just really close friends, but friends don't think about each other the way you think about him. even worse was that you couldn't tell lumine about it — the only person who knew of your feelings was aether, and he gave you shit about it whenever he could.

come clean, he says. stop lying to yourself, he says. to that, you have to laugh. if it were that easy to rid yourself of this situation, you would've done it months ago.

there's only one solution to this problem, and that's to avoid kazuha like the plague.

it makes sense, right? just ignore it until it goes away? because there's no other way for you to get over this. you're starting to dream about kazuha; about kissing him, about holding him in your arms, about being with him. so maybe if you see him less, the thoughts will go away.

it starts with you not going to the café anymore. when kazuha texted you and asked why you hadn't been showing up, you brushed it off with a lie, saying that you found a place with better coffee. he asked what the place was called, but you left him on read. (a very adult move.)

then, you stopped making eye contact whenever you passed by him. it was hard for a few days since you missed seeing his eyes light up whenever he saw you, but you had to be strong. you're better than this, dammit. don't think about how dejected he might look when he realizes that you're avoiding him — don't you do it!

after that, you stopped going out with the twins if kazuha was going. every time they suggest something, your first question is if he is going to be there. if the answer is yes, you make up an excuse to stay home. lumine was really fucking upset with you for bailing because of some petty argument that she thought you two had, but when she pieced it together that you weren't going to budge, she gave up trying. (man, you wish it was just some argument — disputes can be solved. not feelings.)

lastly, you straight up walked away from him if he approached you. you wouldn't just ignore his presence, of course — you're an asshole, not a monster — but if he tried to make conversation, you would cut it short and hightail it out of there.

"it's been a few weeks since we've talked." kazuha sounded so pleased when he managed to stop you one day. you didn't know why you let him catch up to you, but once he got to you, you couldn't just up and leave. so you decided to hear him out. "have you been well?"

no, you wanted to say. not in the fucking slightest. but you're grown — fake it 'till you make it, baby. you nodded and gave him your best smile. "yeah. better than usual, actually."

you watched kazuha's face fall ever so slightly. he was quick to fix his mistake; his usual smile returned to his face in an instant. if you were anyone else, you wouldn't have noticed. but you noticed. you'll always notice. "i see." he said. "that's good to hear."

because you didn't want to be subject to his quickly declining mood, you excused yourself. "i gotta run, but i'll see you some other time, okay?" you said. (like a liar.)

anyone could have seen the glimmer of hope that appeared in kazuha's eyes. "of course. be safe, please." he gave you a little wave as you took off.

after about three weeks of not seeing kazuha, you think yourself to be cured. huzzah, it worked! sure, you're still daydreaming about him, but it's not as vivid if you can't see him every day! he hasn't texted you or approached you outside in a couple days which, admittedly, stung like hell, but it's for the better. kazuha can focus on lumine without you in the way, and you can move on with your life.

you spend most of your time in the library these days. lumine's been super pissed at you lately — probably because of the whole kazuha thing, but you're not sure why she wants you to spend time with him so badly. to avoid potential conflict, you hole yourself up in here. being surrounded by books (reminds you of kazuha) makes you feel at peace; it's so quiet in here, which makes it easy to focus on work (which in turn helps you stop thinking about kazuha).

the library is empty today, save for a few people seated at the tables on the other side of the building. you're standing in front of a bookshelf skimming through a book when you suddenly hear a soft whisper of your name. thinking it's aether, you prepare a shitty excuse for why you're not home, but when you see who it is, your blood goes cold.

it's kazuha. you haven't seen him in three whole weeks.

you swallow back your apprehension as best you can. "hey, what's up?" you try to remain as casual as possible. "do you need one of the books behind me?"

kazuha's brows draw in a little. "are you asking that so you can make your escape?" his comment is a little pointed — so pointed, in fact, that you visibly wince and give yourself away. he sighs when you do. "i was hoping that i wouldn't be correct. have i done something wrong?"

that's just like him — straight to the point. you flounder for an answer. "of course not." you shake your head.

"then is it alright if i ask why you've been avoiding me?"

"what? why would i do that?" your eyes slowly drift to the side. you're not too fond of all the attention you're getting right now.

"you can never make eye contact when you're hiding something." kazuha walks closer to you, but you keep your eyes on something else. "you won't even look at me. i must have done something to cause this."

no, no, no, he's blaming himself! stop him! you force yourself to make eye contact with him, but wither under his stare. you look away again and your face starts to grow hot. "you didn't do anything, kazuha," you say honestly. "i promise. "i've just been busy, that's all."

kazuha doesn't back down. "i've heard from lumine that you've been spending time here instead of at your home. she's worried about you. she-- i'm worried about you."

"don't do that," you blurt. you're starting to breathe a little faster, you notice. "stop worrying about me. you shouldn't." kazuha starts to retort, but you cut him off with a shake of your head. you turn around and put the book back in it's place. "look, i need to go. please move."

you never wanted to be so forceful with him — so cold. but what else can you do when cornered like this? he's desperate and you can tell, but so are you. you don't want to confront your feelings anymore. you just can't. you're tired of feeling like a shitty person for being in love. this is the only way you can make it stop.

kazuha doesn't make it easy for you, though. when you try to move away, he steps closer, invading your space. "if there's something wrong, you would tell me, right?" his voice is so soft, so mellow. it's like a hug, which you could really use right about now. normally, you'd get that from kazuha, but well... you don't answer him, nor do you look at him. kazuha then takes your chin in his fingers and gently makes you face him. "would you please look at me?"

your eyes land on him and it's like the world's faded away. there's so much rolling off of him at once; unease, comfort, and suspicion all hit you at the same time, and it overwhelms you. you don't like how tender this moment feels. he's so close — too close. you can smell maple and cedar, and not because you're wearing his sweater (which you didn't realize until just now). autumnal eyes threaten to take you under and you feel your eyes start to sting. "kazuha, let go." your voice wavers and your heart throbs. "please."

you wish you could read his mind. his eyes search your face, though you're not sure what for. the seconds of silence that tick by are excruciating, but when they finally come to an end, kazuha lets you go. his hand falls to his side and he steps away with a bitter smile. "i'm sorry. i fear i may have made the problem worse."

that's putting it lightly. you step around him wordlessly, but before you can get too far, kazuha catches your hand in his, stopping you. you don't turn around. you can't.

"i miss you." kazuha speaks at a whisper, a volume so low that you shouldn't have been able to hear it. but you heard it. whenever he speaks, you listen with your entire being.

he lets you go after a few more seconds and you take the opportunity to grab what stuff you have and make a beeline for the exit. you fumble for the doorknob on the way out; your vision is too blurred by tears for you to make it out properly. you manage, and you set off towards home, where you're going to ignore lumine yet again and mope in your room.

(and as you cry to yourself that evening, you can only think of the way you saw kazuha's eyes fall to your lips as he held you in place. you think of how badly you wanted to confess everything to him and clear the air for good, but you also remember what you were tasked with. this is for the better, you tell yourself. this is for the better.)

iv.

kazuha should have never agreed to this.

honestly, what was he thinking? why did he allow lumine to play matchmaker? he has two legs and a functioning mouth; he could have walked up to you and started a conversation himself, no problem. things would have been so much easier if he had just swallowed his pride and spoken to you like a normal adult. but no, he just had to go along with this idea.

in retrospect, it seemed like a good idea. but perhaps he's been reading too many novels. meeting through a mutual friend is a lovely concept, but it would appear that it only works in fictional worlds. he'd hoped to just spend time with you through lumine, but somehow, you got the wrong idea and started trying to push him onto her, which made no sense. and not only did it not make sense, but it completely backfired — you're absolutely miserable now and so is he.

kazuha's not an idiot. he knows that you have feelings for him. and the only reason he knows is because you seemingly reciprocated when he approached you romantically. he thought he was being obvious — giving you a plushie, holding your hand, lending you his sweaters, resting his head on your shoulder during movie nights... you accepted it all. he wasn't being subtle at all, right?

so then how? how on earth did things end up like this? he asks lumine as much when they meet up a few mornings later.

"they've been ignoring me too," lumine grumbles, "you aren't special."

right, because that helps. kazuha buries his hand in his hair. "every time i try to talk to them, they manage to slip through my fingers."

lumine frowns at him. "are they actually slipping away, or are you letting them get away?" he must take too long to answer, because she tuts at him. "if this is because you don't want to overwhelm them, then you're being stupid. they're overwhelming themself with this whole... thing, okay?"

but he's too much for you, he wants to say. every time he comes around you, you look about ready to explode. you look so torn, and he hates it. he just wants you to smile at him again. "at the very least, i want to repair our friendship." he sighs. it hurts to even think about keeping you at a distance, but if that's what it takes for you to come back, then... "they cried on their way out of the library the other day."

lumine's expression falls. he's never seen her look so saddened before. "yeah, i heard."

"you heard?"

"our walls may be thick, but our doors aren't." she grimaces. "the sniffing told me all i needed to know."

there's a tense silence. neither of them know what to say because in the end, this is their fault. this whole misunderstanding and your pain? that's on them. if they want to solve this--

"you have to confess." lumine voices kazuha's thoughts out loud. "that's literally the only way this is gonna stop."

while kazuha acknowledges that she's correct, there's two ways that this could go. you would either: a) accept his confession, start dating him, get married someday, and live happily ever after, or b) turn him down and hate him for causing this whole misunderstanding, leaving the two of you to be miserable forever. either way, life as he knows it now is going to end — how it ends is purely up to you.

kazuha agrees to do so and asks lumine for your whereabouts. despite not being on talking terms for a while, she still knows where you are. (it's how we care for each other, she explains.) as he walks, he lets his head fill with thoughts of you.

unsurprisingly, you're all he's been thinking about. you're all he ever thinks about, really. he thinks about the way you tried to hide your joy when he gave you that plushie in the arcade that day; the way you flustered every time he "jokingly" kissed your hand; the way you seemed to melt into his clothes whenever you wore them; the way you seemed to read his mind whenever you couldn't help but stare at him, the way you would smile when he felt warm at having been caught staring back.

he huffs a laugh to himself. it's hilarious how after all that, you still thought that he liked lumine instead of you. honestly; you two have nearly kissed several times, and yet you think he liked someone else? your mind will never cease to amaze him, beautiful and strange as it is.

kazuha comes to a halt under a canopy of trees with bright red leaves. the change in seasons has turned the campus into a beautiful landscape; all of the usual resting spots were less inhabited by others, which made them the perfect escape for people like him. you're seated on a bench underneath those trees with your nose buried in a book and, if he squints, he thinks you're wearing his scarf. you're exactly where lumine said you would be. perfect.

deciding not to wait until his nerves get the best of him, kazuha approaches you and sits a little ways away from you on the bench. right away, he notices the way you go completely still, your shoulders visibly stiffening. he sighs internally. how should he speak in order to not scare you away? it's a miracle you haven't just up and walked off, actually.

"...why are you here, kazuha?" you ask flatly. you sound like you're holding something back. "what do you want?"

"you're not going to leave?" he asks in return.

you shake your head. "i don't see the point in running from you anymore."

so you finally admit that you were running. it'd be humorous if it didn't sting so bad. "you're going to listen to what i have to say?" he asks again for good measure. when you nod again, kazuha takes a steadying breath. he just needs to get it out there. he needs to let you know. it shouldn't be hard — it's not hard. he may as well have told you already with the way he treats you. just say it.

and say it he does. "i'm in love with you."

immediately, you rise to your feet. kazuha balls one hand into a fist as he fights the urge to pull you back down. if you want to leave, then so be it. he told you, and that's all he can do; whether or not you believe him is purely up to you. you stay standing for a while, and he can see you clenching and unclenching your fists over and over, but eventually, you sit back down. you rest your book to the side and put a hand over your eyes.

"are you alright?" kazuha dares to ask.

you laugh humorlessly. "of course not. you're not supposed to like me, kazuha. please don't do this." you start to bounce your leg rapidly. "take it back, or... or something. just don't get my hopes up."

he scoots closer to you cautiously. when you don't back away, he keeps moving until your shoulders are touching. he calls your name softly and you shake your head sharply. "stop saying my name like that. would you stop being so... so nice to me? i'm gonna get the wrong idea."

"you're not getting the wrong idea," kazuha keeps his voice low. "i'm telling you the truth. and the truth is that i'm in love with you." he rests his hand over your free hand on the bench. "is that wrong of me?"

"yes! i mean-- no? ugh, fuck you." you sniff and swipe your hand over your face. kazuha tries to get a good look at you, but you turn your head away, keeping him from doing so.

"i'm in the wrong." you finally say after a while. "i was supposed to-- you and lumine were supposed to be a thing, not-- not us. but i... fuck," you pause for a second to sniff. "i fell in love with you anyways, and i just feel like a terrible person, okay? i ignored you because i wanted to just... stop feeling like shit, i guess. i wanted to forget about you and this stupid deal that i made with lumine and--"

kazuha taps the underside of your chin twice. you take a moment to collect yourself and slowly turn to look at him. "what do you want?" you ask. it's spoken harshly, but there's no bite to your words.

"did you forget?" he asks.

"wh-- no. god, no. i could never." you give him a wry smile. "unfortunately, you're all i think about, so no. you didn't let me forget. thanks for that, by the way."

one more time, kazuha thinks. just one more. "i love you." he says.

your lashes flutter and your face warms. "i love you too, kazuha. but-- mmh--"

that's all kazuha needed to hear. he leans in and kisses you, silencing your thoughts. he hears you sigh into the kiss and you start to kiss back, but he pulls away slightly before you can. "can you say it again?" he murmurs against your lips. "one more time."

your breathing is shaky, but you speak anyways. "i love you."

kazuha kisses you again. "once more, petal. please."

"you're so greedy," you chuckle shakily. "i lov-- mmf--" kazuha kisses you again but you pull back with a laugh. "at least let me finish my sentence--"

"no." kazuha drinks in your laugh when he kisses you this time, his skin singing at the contact. he's wanted to this for so long -- wanted to kiss you silly and hear you laugh. you're all he's wanted this whole time, and he's not going to pass up this opportunity to let you know. each time you try to speak, kazuha kisses you to shut you up. and each time, it makes you smile wider. you kiss until you can't anymore — you're both smiling much too wide.

"do you still think you're not supposed to be with me?" he asks cheekily.

your face doesn't fall at his question. that spark that your eyes held a few weeks prior is back and brighter than before. you look renewed — you're glowing. while basking in your glow, kazuha wonders if he is, too. you lean in and kiss him quick, resting your forehead on his when you pull away. "don't ask stupid questions." you chuckle. "i said i loved you, didn't i?"

kazuha hums. "and i said the same. so what now?"

"i dunno." you sigh and lean away. "we tell lumine, i guess?"

he squeezes your hand. "about us?"

you nod. "about us."

(when you get home and tell her later, she yells: "fucking finally!" and pulls you in for a hug.)

✦ *bows* and that's what i call a job well done.

✦ seriously, i hope you guys liked it 🥰

summary: in which you, the ship’s navigator, share some of your priceless star-related nuggets of wisdom with a curious ronin.

genre: fluff

warnings: none

word count: around 1.1k

other: gn!reader, reader is quite self-insert-y personality-wise

———————————————————————

𝖍𝖔𝖜 𝖇𝖗𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙𝖑𝖞 𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖞 𝖘𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖊.

It was quiet.

A cool breeze whispered through the night, tousling your hair and sending little waves lapping against the hull of the Alcor. The ship rocked gently from side to side. All was silent, save the occasional creak of wood from beneath you.

Your eyes were angled up at the stars. They glimmered peacefully in the night sky, adorning the darkness with flecks of silver. The moon was a thin sliver, and any clouds were far, far away.

You knew the name of each constellation that painted the sky tonight, almost of each star, and their positions at each time of night (and day). However, you had always thought that such titles and labels never managed to capture the wonder of gazing upon a star-filled sky on cloudless nights such as these.

And, sitting on the crow’s nest tonight, you felt closer to them than ever before.

“Good evening.” A gentle voice roused you from your thoughts. You did not need to look around to know who it was. You nodded in greeting as Kazuha took a place beside you. “What are you doing up so late?” he asked. “Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

“I could ask you the same question.”

A soft laugh. “I suppose so.”

You felt his hand nudge yours and then rest on top of it, where it stayed. Your cheeks grew warm and the corners of your lips quirked up in a discreet smile. After another moment, you said,

“In that case, what are you doing up here?”

“I came here to clear my mind,” Kazuha explained, and sighed. “As much as I respect the crew, it’s a little difficult to get fond of their drunken sea shanties.” There was a hint of a grimace in his voice as he spoke, and he shuddered, as if recalling deep, dark memories. He turned to you. “What about you?”

“Couldn’t sleep,” you said with a shrug. Kazuha quietly snorted at your directness.

“As good a reason as any.”

There was silence once again. Without anything to say, you turned your attention back to the night sky. Now that you thought about it, you couldn’t recall a time the stars had been so bright before.

Kazuha shuffled slightly closer to you so that your shoulders now brushed. He followed your skyward gaze and broke the silence.

“So, what can you tell me about the stars?” he asked.

“Depends on what you want to know.” You paused momentarily before speaking once more. “Then again, I doubt there’s much I can tell you that you don’t already know.”

Kazuha shook his head. “I’m sure that’s not true. I only know the basics. For example,” he briefly glanced across the sky and soon pointed to a bright cluster of stars to the west. “I don’t know the name of that constellation.”

You recognised it immediately. “That’s Victor Mare. I think it’s Beidou’s constellation, actually. It supposedly looks like a sea monster, but I’ve always thought it looks more like a ladle with a wonky handle.”

“I can see that, actually,” Kazuha admitted with a light chuckle. He then shifted slightly and pointed to another constellation. “How about this one?”

You tilted your head. “Ah. That’s Rota Calamitas; also known as the Wheel of Misfortune, also known to me as a big backwards ‘c’.”

“I see,” he mused. You snorted. Kazuha looked at you in confusion, and you hastily explained the reason behind your amusement.

“I ‘see’. I ‘c’. You know, the letter c, since we were just talking about that. Get it?”

Your miserable pun was met with an unamused— and perhaps slightly concerned— stare. You cleared your throat and apologised. “Maybe I should stay off the puns,” you admitted with a grimace.

“Maybe you should,” Kazuha agreed solemnly. You shot him a playful glare. He gestured to another constellation. “And this one?”

“Oh, don’t get me started on that one. I know someone who has this constellation, so I’ve never told this to anyone before, but I call it the ‘giant shovel’. I don’t think whoever thought it looked like a clover has ever seen an actual clover.”

Kazuha hummed, as if saying, Fair enough. “Do you have different names for all of the constellations?”

“Are you insane? Of course not,” you scoffed. “All of them except for one.”

At this, Kazuha grinned in amusement, and you couldn’t help but return a small smile of your own.

“Aren’t you afraid you’ll offend anyone?” he queried, using a tilt of his head as an excuse to discreetly place his head on your shoulder. You initially stiffened at the contact, but forced yourself to relax.

“Not really. I mean, except for that person I know, but they’re just a kid,” you explained. As you spoke, Kazuha stared up at you with a lazy grin, gaze full of admiration. You locked eyes momentarily before tearing yours away, and cleared your throat before you continued. “When you get down to it, stars are just burning balls of gas. Most people don’t even know their own constellations, so I don’t think it matters that much.” To this, Kazuha hummed, though whether in agreement or else, you were not sure.

“In that case, what do think my constellation looks like?”

You pursed your lips in thought. “Acer Palmatum, right? Hmm…” You scanned the stars and quickly located the constellation and turned your head to address Kazuha. Your breath hitched when you realised how close his face was to your own— only a gap of a few mere centimetres lay in between you.

Kazuha’s smile was still innocent and carefree as he said, “Go on.”

You swallowed, but collected yourself. “Would you be offended if I said I think it looks like some evil warlord’s helmet? Like, with big horns and stuff.”

“Not at all,” he laughed. “In fact, your interpretation makes much more sense to me than the original one.”

“Can I take that as a compliment?” you asked, eyebrow raised. Kazuha lifted his head from your shoulder to look at you straight-on and squeezed your hand gently.

“You may take it however you wish,” he replied with a soft smile. You immediately averted your gaze to stare furiously at the deck below, certain that a deep shade of red was making itself apparent on your face. This reaction brought forth another quiet chuckle, and you soon felt bandaged fingers intertwine with your own. You tensed further, heart racing.

It took a good while to calm yourself, but you finally shot a hesitant glance at Kazuha.

He seemed to be lost in thought, gazing up in wonder at the sky above. Eventually, he raised his free hand and pointed to a constellation.

“That one reminds me of you,” he said.

You tilted your head, scooting closer to him and following his line of sight. “Why?” you asked. He turned to you, and his smile widened.

“Because it shines so much brighter than the rest.”