Ben Barnes Will Never Be Suitable For The Role Of Sirius , Because Beauty Is Not Only In Facial Features,

Ben Barnes will never be suitable for the role of Sirius , because beauty is not only in facial features, but also in expressions, movements and charisma. Ben Barnes has no charisma. Gary Oddman has charisma, but to me he’s not handsome.

And Ben Barnes annoys me with his puppy dog eyes.

heart-shaped best friend necklaces that say "you said i killed you" and "haunt me then"

and like sirius used be to be masc one. remus was soft and quiet and submissive. when an angrier characterization of remus became popular (due to atyd, which please note is a characterization i agree with, see my angry remus post) the popular characterization of sirius became softer and more fem. why can't both be masc? why can't both be fem? why can't both be neither? i do not think that irl gay masc/fem couples are reproducing heteronormativity but i do think y'all are

fic where peter is james' sidepiece/mistress until he snaps and finally realizes james is never actually going to leave lily, leading to his betraying the potters to voldemort

another reminder to stop buying/watching/reading anything JK Rowling associated

Okay, screw it, I’m going to try to recreate it here because as I said in @impishtubist’s ask box I’d attach my name to it anyway, so here we are.

Also my kid had a not-minor and stressful medical procedure today (she’s fine; it went well; she’s currently jumping and laughing around the house) but it was hard on the mom heart and I had to spend a lot of time in close quarters with my ex. So I have the afternoon off work (that I will not spend working because I am at the you don’t deserve my time point) and hate in my heart (see ex) and it is raining, so let’s do it.

Let’s talk Remadora.

Or, rather, I am going to talk at you about Remadora. Usually, not all the time, but usually, I try to live and let live. I may not ship something, but if you want to, go for it.

Not Remus/Tonks. I hate Remus/Tonks and literally in this essay I will tell you why. I consider Remadora absolutely terrible in and out of canon (not that I’ve read R/T outside of canon ever.) I don’t think it’s cute or interesting or even nuanced or neutral. I have never so strongly hated a ship as much as I hate this one. Why? Because I think JKR absolutely did her best to screw over queer representation in her canon and that has real life repercussions. Representation matters. I also hate the way it’s presented in canon, so let’s get to that.

Here’s the obligatory canon statement. I have read canon. I have not read HBP or DH since they were released nor do I plan to. I just did a pretty heavy reading of POA because I read it to my class. I just skimmed OOTP for a fic I wrote. So yes, I have read canon, as long as 20 years ago and as closely as like two weeks ago.

That said, buckle up.

1. I hate it because I think it’s a disservice to each character. I think it strips Remus and Tonks down to their worst qualities. To wit:

Remus: The man spends almost an entire doorstop of a novel actively avoiding his alleged love interest, physically and emotionally. He’s been asked and pursued and he said no. No means no, people. He shows zero interest on the page. And more than that, he AVOIDS HER. That does not mean “I am too afraid to believe in love.” That means “this is something I don’t want.” And I don’t think it’s cute or funny or romantic that he ends up with her after that. I think it’s icky. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who had to be repeatedly “talked into it.” That’s not romantic. It’s borderline non-consensual. (Oh we are going to go there later, hang on.) It also strips Remus down to his worst traits of avoiding conflict and not being able to say no. Not a good look.

Then there is Tonks. Tonks, who in OOTP, is an Auror. She actively sasses Moody, who is her mentor. I don’t think clumsiness is whimsical or a character trait, but there’s that. Tonks has special magical abilities she’s spent her life honing. She says that she didn’t make prefect because her head of house says she lacked certain qualities, like the ability to behave herself. It makes the kids laugh, so she meant to be funny, and it indicates that it’s true. She does fine in the Department of Mysteries, the first to fall to Bellatrix because she’s the first to engage her.

That Tonks, if you turn your head and squint, could be seen with Remus. That man was a Marauder, too. And even if you think his relationship with all the Marauders was platonic, he would value someone funny, quick witted, smart, not able to behave themselves, good in a fight. If he allegedly fell in love with her in OOTP, maaaaayyyybbbeee. (And no he didn’t, lol, please. JKR.)

Except that’s not the Tonks we get after OOTP. I don’t know if we ever see that Tonks again. Instead we get Tonks crying over a MAN. We see her lose her special powers. We see her gossiping with Molly. What the actual fuck? She’s reduced to a lovelorn lump at best. And to a cishet woman at worst. And not just any kind of cishet woman. One who will lose it over a man and need love advice and generally seem quite younger than she is. Which leads me to point 2.

2. Queer reading. I will gladly die on the hill that Remus should be read as gay. Bi people exist. Remus Lupin is not one of them. Given the explicit lycanthropy-HIV metaphor, I think it’s a more than fair reading of the texts. I think this is even more apparent considering the time period, that he grew up in the 60s and 70s and really came of age in the late 70s and 80s. POA is set in 1993. It came out in 1999. Remus Lupin is among the generation of gay men that was obliterated by AIDS. He is othered in the text in a way other characters are not. He has an infectious “curse” that causes him to be seen as less than human. His kind is shunned by society and by culture. He’s the first and only werewolf to have gone to Hogwarts. Wix children are taught to hate and fear him and other werewolves. He’s classified as the most dangerous of dark creatures. There’s actual legislation against people like him in canon, including to make them less employable than they already were. Any of that sound familiar? Any of that ringing any bells? Even Muggle-borns and half-bloods don’t yet face that kind of treatment.

And Tonks, well. I am fully behind a queer reading of Tonks, too. I am not as stubbornly attached to it, but I think she’s easily read as queer, lesbian, gay, non-binary, genderqueer, gender-fluid, you name it. Those above mentioned powers she mostly loses? Allow her to change her appearance, including gender. She also chooses the name Tonks. Yes, it’s her last name. Yes, Nymphadora is a ridiculous name. But she doesn’t ask to be called Dora. She asks to be called Tonks, which is gender neutral.

I’m saying, I think it’s very convenient JKR paired up her most easily read queer characters (once she killed Sirius off).

(As an aside, Remus age wise doesn’t have many options and neither does Tonks. No one is going to ship them a whole generation up — McGonagall — or into Harry’s generation, not in canon.)

I am also old enough, fandom and otherwise, to know this was the time that JKR was still sending cease and desist letters to fan fiction writers, particularly in the R/S fandom.

So I don’t find the timing a coincidence.

JKR also wrote that ship in the laziest way possible. It is totally off the page. Harry doesn’t see them happy together. Not even a throw away line. Not one. Not about them as a couple. Which leads me to . . .

3. Teddy. I don’t even know what to tell you here. I honestly think Teddy is supposed to be the proof that Remus and Tonks consummated their marriage. She gets pregnant IMMEDIATELY. I think half of the reason is because JKR has a thing that the pinnacle of womanhood is to be a wife and mother and half of it was to prove they’d had sex. Which, lol. This is a magical universe, and even without that there are tubes and cups and syringes and I’m just saying I’m not convinced Teddy didn’t get here without some magical or medical intervention. 😂

But mostly it was absolutely so that we’d think Remus and Tonks were “really” married.

And then she botched that by having Remus try to run away! If he’s so damn happy, what the hell? It’s absolutely him at his worst self. What is the point? (Don’t @ me about how the point is that he’s terrible. Really, don’t.) Is it because she has to prove Harry would have no adult help and she realized Lupin was still out there? I don’t know. I just. Christ on a cracker.

4. And after all of that, all of it, she kills BOTH of them off! Talk about burying your gays. What was the whole damn point? Make them allegedly straight, happy and married with a kid and then kill them both. Seems legit. Mostly because:

5. Let’s talk for a minute about compulsory heterosexuality. I honestly think this is what it was like for Remus. With Sirius gone, whether you ship them or not, his last safe harbor is gone. There’s a war on, and he’s wanted for being a werewolf and a half-blood. He’s virtually unemployable thanks to the Ministry. He has no close friends left. He tried to avoid it, and in the end, he finally does it, because he’s Remus, and also because only straight people have the right to exist in Harry Potter. I can also see this for Tonks, though not as strongly.

And compulsory heterosexuality is terrible for everyone. It’s tragic for just about everyone involved, or will turn out to be.

That’s why I can’t even get behind fandom Remadora. Because when it comes down to it, what it probably means is that queer people of all kinds aren’t welcome in canon. Not to JKR. She’s always been a bigot, y’all.

Which is why I say, bring on your queer ships! Ship Fleur/Tonks! Fleur/Tonks/Bill! Bisexual disaster Harry! Ginny who is a lesbian or bisexual! Harry/Ginny that are poly! Representation matters! And JKR did her level best (which was pretty poor actually) to stomp it out in canon, so bring it in fandom!