Confession

Confession

I found a wallet alone at work, no one saw it, no one saw me grab it. It had a lot of money in the band, it was one of those fancy new clip wallets that a elastic band just holds everything together tightly. I really really need money right now, all I have is 16 bucks and behind on rent and other bills. There was about 300 dollars and I could've just took it and turned the wallet in. But I couldn't, I really couldn't. I had my car and money stolen from me when I needed it most and I couldn't think of doing that to someone. I lost 800 dollars, that was money I earned working two jobs, doing doubles every day. Even if that 300 is nothing to them, it's money they probably worked hard to get.

i always did this as a kid, I can remember each movie I would rewatch everyday and night for months!!! I even ruined VHS tapes and had to get another copy of the film cause I worn it out by watching it so much!!! IASIP was the only one that was a t.v show, but Netflix removed it

“Depression Movies”

Around two years ago, I had to have my 13 year old dog put down. I was heart broken; she was my first dog and I loved her to death. I spent the whole day crying, and when night came, I couldn’t sleep at all. At 2am I dragged myself to the TV and turned on Netflix, but still upset out of my mind, I didn’t know what to watch. Netflix suggested the new Disney movie they had just added: Zootopia. I clicked it because, why not? I needed something fun and light hearted to maybe make me feel a little bit better. I sat there and watched the whole thing. I loved it! But when Zootopia ended, the magic was broken and I didn’t know what to watch. 

So, I hit replay. 

And when I was feeling down again the next night? I watched Zootopia again. And again. And then a third time. 

Things quickly got very, very bad for me. My favorite goat passed away, then my friend’s mom, then a professor I was friends with, then my grandfather. All within four months. Throughout this whole, terrible time, I was watching Zootopia almost nonstop. If I was home, Zootopia was on. I wasn’t really even paying attention to it most of the time, it was just kind of there. It was light hearted, funny, comforting, and familiar. When my best friend came over for New Years Eve, we literally watched Zootopia to celebrate. 

Right around the time I finally started feeling better, Zootopia was taken off Netflix. I was okay at that point and didn’t really need to have something on constantly any more, but it was still sad to see it go! My best friend gave it to me on DVD as a gift months later, and I still pop it in whenever I feel like watching Zootopia! 

Recently, things got bad again. I was feeling drained and horrible and upset all the time. I turned on Netflix and looked for something to watch, but Zootopia wasn’t there. Mulan’s on Netflix, and while that’s my second favorite Disney movie, it didn’t have the same vibe as Zootopia. For whatever reason, I went for Shrek. And watched it again and again and again. And again. And then some more. I’m home? Shrek is on. Shrek is literally on right now, as I write this. Why???? I’m not even paying attention to it! I’m not watching Shrek. It’s just there. Usually it plays three or four times a night, and if I wake up and it’s ended, I press play again and go back to bed. 

I went to a friend’s house the other day and laughed when I got there and saw he–a man in his 30s–had “Open Season” on. He shrugged and told me it’s a good movie and I should check it out some time. The next time I was there, he was in a very bad place emotionally (PTSD). I noticed that the credits for Open Season were rolling on the TV when I walked into the living room. When I got him calmed down and made him some food, I asked if he’d want to watch a movie, and he said yes. I decided to test my theory.

“What do you want to watch?” I asked. 

“I don’t know…” 

“Do you want to watch Open Season?” 

“Yes please…” 

So I turned on Open Season and we laid on the couch and watched Open Season. By the time the movie was over, he was all better and we were already up and doing other things. When we passed through the living room again, however, he stopped and replayed the movie. “Do you mind?” he asked, “I like having something on.” 

Later that night I made an Open Season joke, and he just randomly confessed that he once watched it during a really rough time, didn’t have the energy to get up and change the movie, and just watched it again. And again! And the next night he watched it some more. soulmates, obviously. So I told him about Shrek and Zootopia. Neither of us could believe that we both had oddly specific CGI children’s movies that we secretly watched over and over whenever we’re Going Through Things. We dubbed them “depression movies” and determined that it is what it is. 

Sometimes you just gotta watch Zootopia for six hours. Sometimes you have an emotional breakdown to Open Season and that’s okay. If Shrek gets you through emotional trauma then Shrek gets you through emotional trauma. (of course we could talk about psychology and regression and coping mechanisms, but this post is just a little appreciation for people who are Going Through Some Things and might be in the same boat. )

Does anyone else out there have a Depression Movie? If so, what is it, and why/how did you end up with it? :) 

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I'm starting an online journal, but I'm going to use my email. At first I thought I'll just email myself and I'll be able to go back to see my entries but at the same time I felt like that might be boring? So I came up with the idea of just sending a random person an entry, so at least someone gets to read one random email from a stranger sharing her life.

these middle schoolers are touring campus and one of them walked by me and said “hey what’s college life like” and i told him “it sucks” and he said “well it can’t be any worse than middle school.” he’s right