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guide to living tip iii.

how to implement satisfying substitutions

uplifting balance and inspirational discipline.

i dedicate this tip to all you darlings in search of a rewarding lifestyle.

<3 visualize. what is your dream lifestyle? in this desired life, how do you feel? how do you act?

<3 reflect. which habits do you already have that align with your goals? take note -- do not alter these helpful routines. in which behavior do you currently partake that contradicts your dream lifestyle? take note -- you will work to change these habits.

<3 brainstorm. in what ways can you meaningfully enact change in your current routine? how have you organized your life until now? have you been passive or purposeful?

<3 set intentions that mix journey with destination. "i devote myself to [insert substitution] to [insert lifestyle goal]." understand that you will experience setbacks along your path of self-improvement. know that you can and will overcome these obstacles -- enjoy the adventure.

<3 begin. there is no time better than the present. discipline will aid you immensely as you traverse these newly charted territories. incorporate positive affirmations on good days and worse days. create routine.

the best substitutions are realistic, gradual, and deliberate. want to [insert activity that requires certain clothing] more? set the specific outfit by your dresser the night before. wish to consume [insert drink/food] more/less? reserve a visible spot in the pantry or the counter/make the product less conspicuous or remove entirely.

your mind and body are powerful because of you. you dictate your path. you have the power.

xx

c.r.c.

a note ii.

hello darlings,

i will be less active over the next month. amidst this scheduled disruption my inbox is, as always, at your disposal.

request a specific mantra, tip, or simply send a little note...

in the meantime, enjoy my most recent tip.

remember, you are always welcome here.

xx

c.r.c.

<3 <3 <3

a note iii.

hello darlings,

i am overjoyed to inform you that I have returned from my scheduled hiatus!

thank you for your well wishes over the past month.

i appreciate you being here.

xx

c.r.c.

girl therapy

KIMMY'S DIGITAL DIARY

ahh, i finally feel inspired to write again but does anyone else feel like something shifted after that eclipse? like the real new year just started for me. i feel so, renewed! but also fed up with so many things in my life. it's finally time to shed my skin (old habits and behaviours) and welcome new opportunities. in the same way the Persephone is rejoining her mother and awakening and beautifying the earth, i need to beautify my life after a period of stagnancy.

i'm making a lot of pacts to myself for the next couple of months regarding my health, and financial wellbeing. i'm in my mid twenties and i need to start focusing on being a baddie in every area of my life.

i also got this cute app called finch to help with self care tasks and keep me on track. the more self-care i do the bigger my penguin grows!! taking care of me takes care of her and i love it.

(not an ad! seriously try it)

kimmy's skincare diaries

morning routine

wash face with salicylic acid cleanser (for acne prone skin)

rice water toner (to even it out and cool my skin)

ice roller (helps wake me up in the morning)

hydration (hyaluronic acid)

moisturizer (ricer serum)

gua sha (5 mins)

night routine

wash face with salicylic acid cleanser (for acne prone skin)

rice water toner (to even it out and cool my skin)

lactic acid (exfoliator 2x a week)

treatment (for dark spots and hyperpigmentation)

hydration (hyaluronic acid)

moisturizer (ricer serum)

gua sha (5 mins)

kimmy's music diaries:

i am seriously OBSESSED with espresso, it plays in my head all day. my bf is probably fed up with me singing it.

okay love you bye!!

I’m always chasing chasing chasing the next thing Another friendship I thought would last swept right out from under my feet How can you fix what you don’t know is broken? Wish they could just be honest Wish I could just be honest without you leaving me too Maybe if I’m skinnier you’ll like me better And I can point my little nose in the air when you come crawling back with I’m sorry But maybe that’ll just be another something I chase That when I reach I realize I’ve never even changed Another thing that proves to add no color Another thing I thought would be the answer but there’s just no cure Jesus says he is the way the truth and the life I’ve only felt him once and when I did it was true But where did he go and what can I do When I’m with her and when I’m with you then I can taste the end Like I’ve made it But the other 99% I’m chasing and they’re chasing me too And neither of us can make it Neither of us can make it

When you walk in a room you light the whole thing up Stomach sinking in a room full of people when you’re not there I miss you Don’t wanna be too clingy Don’t wanna smile at you too hard Wanna keep the balance right Not be weird But you’re the funnest person here It’s so dull when you’re gone Don’t be weird girl Feels like everyone hates me anyway But you look at me and I’m alright Do you know how special you are? How nervous you'd make me if you were a guy Feel safe when you’re there

I might be sad forever  But I can find beauty here Why should I have to be happy to find beauty and love Maybe I can’t  I’m not going to wait around forever  Sadness can be beautiful Especially when you’re lying on soft grass  Under soft clouds pierced by stiff gristled trees Defiant of the gentle watercolor beauty  I’m going to decorate my sadness until it sparkles And maybe this glitter will gleam My glitter gleams because I kissed it I’m surrounded by this shimmering sea Floating along this river until it carries me away It will take me away

Went off the meds and went crazy for you Doing anything I could to fit in I have someone at home constantly looking for chinks in my armor I’d been immune to the world for so long Now it’s starting to seep in I’m not the princess of Bel air anymore I’m one of them Where’d my innocence go Are they happy now? Are you happy now Your princess’s dead She’s dead I look in the mirror and I see she’s gone

I always took morsels from men & treasured them like flecks of pure gold. They filled me up with the glittery golden liquid joy of being special, being wanted, being loved. I felt like a princess being bestowed with an effervescent tiara, perched on his lap.

I felt like I was temporarily lifted out of the gray, choppy waters of constant fear that something was wrong with me, the murky haze of sadness that didn't seem to have a beginning or an end. I felt sparkly and beautiful when I was blessed with morsels.

When he’d look at me under the moonlight, pressed up against his worn-out, faded blue car, & ask me “how are you so pretty?” I’d forget every hour he’s left my messages unresponded to. I was his special girl again. Nothing could ever be wrong. I know it sounds pathetic. But at that moment I had more than enough.

I want the dad back who picked me up from the school talent show and took me straight to Big Bear, pampering me with coloring books and hot baths.

Making me feel special inside, like I was in a different, more magical, sparkly world. Like everything was fun and tasted differently, because I was with him, and we were in the snow, in a little cabin.

Even just in his car on the way there I was the most special girl alive, the luckiest girl alive. He loved me. He liked me.

Enough to scoop me up and take me straight to fun.

Now my dad is dead, he’s full of gray, he’s never the same. He’s bitter where he used to be sweet. There’s dead ends where there used to be endless paths, escapades.

I don’t know if it’s my fault or his makeup. If it can’t be changed or if it’s because I changed, because I sullied it by growing up.

Where did I go wrong? Where did he start to change? When did he leave me, and become who he is now?

A cruel stranger, one who changes like the wind, one who I could never trust.

I wish I could get back the me I was before you 

I could be your lover Give you the kind of love you can’t find anywhere else This world doesn’t have what you’re looking for what you need But I’ve got it for you

emptiness

sinking swallowing me whole

is it bad that i like it

that i dont put up a fight

that its nice to finally lift my hands up and give up

give in to the sweet nothingness

float and wallow in it

let it hold my body weight

and hand over the keys so i can take a break

and watch as i cave in

Tried fitting into the world and I fell in Now I feel cheesy if I’m kind Don’t understand up or down when things hang from the floor If I’m myself will I be all alone? Does being myself mean by myself? I thought it was cool to love But I was the one that got picked on Now I pick scabs off those still on the outskirts I used to be the one bleeding Tried to fit in to the world and I fell in Oh how do I get out? How do I get myself back? The weirdo in the bathroom with a sandwich because I didn’t know how to be Tried fitting in and I fell in I fell in

I fear I’ll lose a central tenet of myself if I acclimate fully to the world I’m in

I wonder what it’s like to be normal If anyone normal really exists And if they do, what does it feel like? If it hurts less Or if they’re hollow on the inside Fitting in flawlessly with the world around them I’m dying to know If it’s worth it or if it means losing what’s inside me When I see a normal girl living a normal life I wonder if her insides are twisting like mine Or if she really is as glossy as she looks I’m dying to taste normal just for a second To see if it exists To see if it’s worth it Or if I’m better off Unclean

I want to feel powerful again.

I used to be a powerful girl. A hot girl. A confident girl.

Someone people looked up to and envied my confidence.

Now I’m just like the quintessential girl– anxious, meek, visibly insecure.

And now I’m even more like any other girl– I finally have an eating disorder. I wonder if every girl is just waiting for the time they’ll be sexually assaulted or get a legitimate eating disorder (not a weak half-eating disorder where you just kind of don’t eat enough or kind of eat too much).

It seems like a rite of passage into womanhood. Are you even a woman if you’re not insecure, have an eating disorder, are currently or previously in an abusive relationship, or have been sexually assaulted?

Or are you a mystical non-woman who actually, seriously, truly (not lying) is comfortable with herself and food is easy for her?

You’ll be admired but also kind of despised, because you’re so foreign and difficult to relate to and understand.

So far I’m still half-unicorn: I haven’t had any full-on sexual assaults. Semi-close calls, obviously. I mean come on. I’m a girl.

I love you but all you know how to do is hurt me I can only love you from afar From the safety of my bed I can look at your picture Without you tangled up in my life I can love you With the peace of your absence I can love you I can feel your warmth when you are gone When you’re next to me all I feel are burns. When I am safe from you I can love you When you can’t spew your acid at me I can feel your soft edges And I can love you When I can’t feel you When I can’t know you When I can’t hear you When I can’t see you When you’re far enough away to wonder if you’re still real When I’m far enough out of reach that not even your thoughts can touch me When I can’t be your prey in any way When you can’t touch me I can love you

I found your hard edges eventually sharpened what I thought was indefinitely soft gave me fear in your eyes where I thought was only love I got to know the real you and now all I see is a stranger