A Very Meowtivated Individual

A very meowtivated individual

It's april fools time and I felt like a silly little goofster today 😼

Watch out, he *is* the storm that is apurrroaching. 🌩🌩🌩

RED REALITY

so I was playing prey the other day and I was in psychotropics messing around with the greater mimic they had behind glass (trying to see if it would turn into whatever I gave it, which it did) but then something really weird happened… it turned into this:

I have no idea how it turned into the framed picture of the Yu’s, I didnt give the mimic that object (nor could I have been able to since there’s no way to get that picture into psychotropics) so what the fuck. is this a documented occurrence that other people have experienced? Is this something really rare? Also holy fuck what does this imply????

probably has been done before

This was really fascinating to read. As someone who’s a big fan of the series and admittedly has at-most a semi-decent understanding of DID and how it’s represented, I figured rvb’s depiction of it would be considered pretty subpar since again, the show is mostly about comedy and I figured it didn’t really put an emphasis on details like that. I had no idea they actually researched the subject and made it a pretty faithful depiction, which is really good for me to hear because the feeling that it wasn’t accurate was one of the things stopping me from recommending the show to friends (among other things lol) so in a way it’s relieving. I know this show is by no means a perfect representation and has its flaws all around (which makes it kind of a guilty pleasure for me to watch) but its cool to hear that this show I really liked was a little better than I thought it was. All around this was a really cool and insightful read :)

here’s the full essay about churchs plurality. this was written for ppl who don’t know anything about the show and it doesn’t have anything about sigma or the meta so i don’t consider it complete but. here you go:

Leonard L. Church (referred to as Church for the rest of this) is a canonical, textually stated traumagenic system.

Church is the main character of the first ten seasons of Red vs Blue. A part of the ways through the show, it is revealed that Church is an AI called the Alpha and it is canonically stated on screen that he has DID and the rest of the AI we’ve met through the series so far are his fragments. (note: the show calls it the outdated term of “multiple personality disorder” but this show is from the 2000s, where even though it had been updated medically, resources were much harder to find than they are now and many that were there still referred to it as MPD. The creators correctly identify it as DID outside of canon later). In show, Church’s alters are referred to as fragments, and their behavior matches the definition of fragments in DID perfectly. This is genuinely the only piece of media we’ve ever seen that is able to capture the experience of what it’s like to have and be a fragment with so much accuracy. They’re defined by the one “aspect” they have (logic, rage, ambition, etc.) and some of them stay that way, while others evolve and turn into more fully fledged alters. Neither one of these thing is presented as the more correct way for them to exist, they just both are as they are. Many of the fragments end up somewhere in the middle. Many of the fragments also struggle with the process of becoming their own person, which is spurred on by the fact that they are all separated. Alters being separated is admittedly not the greatest rep but this is treated as a horrific tragedy and violation of human (well. AI) rights and is also remedied later (see part about Epsilon).

Along with fragments being a textually stated part of Church’s system in canon, there are other alter types that are canonically acknowledged from the creators. In the director’s commentary, the writer talks about how he did research on DID and specifically calls out how he wrote one of the fragments to be a little, and another to be a persecutor. (note: it’s because the writer is able to use these terms with such accuracy that we are willing to let his use of mpd slide; if he did enough research to be able to accurately depict fragments, littles, and persecutors but still came away thinking the correct term is mpd, that seems much more the fault of the research at the time than it does his own ignorance). The little, named Theta, is maybe the only depiction of a little that has managed to resonate with us so deeply. Red vs Blue is a story about war, and Theta is, essentially, a soldier, but they are also a traumatized child. The show has characters treat them as both, often simultaneously, and Theta seriously struggles with this. They are constantly stuck between wanting to act like a child and being forced into adult situations and wanting to be taken seriously in them. As an adult bodied system with littles, we relate so heavily. Our littles frequently struggle with our adult body and it’s adult struggles in our adult life. They want to be children, but they cannot be. Theta wants to be a child, but they cannot be.

RvB’s depiction of persecutors can unfortunately fall into villain alter stereotypes. but that’s really only on the most base level reading of the show. Omega/O’Malley is the rage fragment. He has the ability to jump into people’s minds to kind of “infect” them with anger. What’s notable, though, is that Omega isn’t causing them to be angry for no reason or his own goals— when Omega enters someone’s mind, he gets mad about what THEY care about. He makes them act out in their own self interest, to get the justice that they deserve, through any means necessary. This is very like ours and systems we know experience with persecutors.

Something else the show depicts, though it isn’t explicitly called out by the creators, is introjects— specifically, factives. Church was originally created as the Alpha based off the mind of another character, Dr. Leonard Church, aka The Director. When he was younger, The Director’s wife, Allison, was killed in war. This traumatized the Director so badly that, as Alpha was created from his mind, the stress of remembering the event was too much and he split of Beta, aka Agent Texas aka Tex. Tex is, in all but name, a factive of Allison. She identifies as Allison, has memories of Allison’s past, and is sometimes treated as Allison. by the Director. However, she also has her own identity, that at times she struggles with. Tex could also easily be interpreted as a protector, as she was formed to shield Alpha from the memories of Allison’s death and continuously throughout the series has her priority be of keeping Church safe— with varying levels of effort and success.

In order to talk about the other depiction of introjects, I first have to talk about Epsilon. After the Alpha split Beta from the trauma of Allison’s death, the Director realized he could cause more trauma and stress to force the Alpha to split more, torturing the Alpha to create more AI once they are separated. As I said before, though the show is for the most part a comedy, this is appropriately presented as a horrific and tragic act. All of the fragments are formed as a way to try and protect himself. The last fragment formed, Epsilon, also known Leonard Church (though he will be referred to as just Epsilon for clarity) is a memory/trauma holder. Alpha completely dissociated himself from the events prior, giving him complete dissociative amnesia about it. Epsilon, then, remembered all of it, and was accordingly incredibly traumatized by all of it. He develops a form of dissociative amnesia of his own, and becomes what is essentially dormant for a long time. Until Alpha, who spent many years as Church at this point, living unaware of his identity as an AI, dies, and Epsilon is brought back. Because of his dissociative amnesia and spurred on by the actions of another character, Epsilon develops memories (easily interpretable as pseudo/exomemories) of being Church. He takes on the identity of Church, most other characters accepting him as stuff. As a system who has had to switch hosts, this process reads so much to me as an old host going dormant and a new host forming to take their place. The new host is their own person, with their own identity, but they have the identity as the old host pushed onto them. All their friends know them as their old identity. Though they have their own name, they have to use their old hosts name. Epsilon has all of Alpha’s memories, but he doesn’t have memories of the time after he split, AKA all of *Church’s* memories. Epsilon also has his own memories. and his exomemories of being Church, and with all of these he struggles to know who he really is. He does identify as Church, he *is* Church, but he can never be the old Church, the old host that his friends knew.

Epsilon also, as he explores his dissociative amnesia and remembers more of his past as the Alpha, splits his own version of Tex, we’ll call her Tεx. Tεx is, in all but name, a factive of a factive. She’s an introject of Tex who’s an introject of Allison. Unlike the original Tex, who struggled with her identity at times but was generally okay with her identity as Allison, Tεx is not content with who she is. She desperately wants to know more about herself. Though the original Tex could be seen as a protector, Tεx does not fill this or any traditional system roles. She’s willing to do what it takes to discover more about herself and figure out who she is. Tεx is also separate from Epsilon for much of her life, though they rejoin together towards the end.

After Tεx, Epsilon also develops factives of the other AI fragments. They are, again, acknowledged to be different than the originals, but still respected as their introject identities. No one questions their identities; they are all very content with their identities of introjects of the original fragments. These fragments do NOT ever leave Epsilon, making this the only 100% “true” depiction of plurality in the series (multiple entities inhabiting a single mind/body) but hopefully reading this you’ll understand why I feel Leonard Church as a whole should be considered plural and not only Epsilon. Still, this depiction maybe touches us more than any other in the show. Epsilon is explicitly, undeniably plural. While Church exists for a long time before discovering his DID and spends most of it as (in all but name) and empty system, plurality is baked into the very core of Epsilon’s existence. He is created as an alter, as a trauma holder. Hi is present in the show for six seasons, and it’s only ~half a season after his debut that his own alters are first depicted. He gets overwhelmed and switches out with Delta. This is his only full blackout switch; his system operates akin to a P-DID system. From here his most featured alter is Tεx for a few seasons.

At some point, we spend time inside his headspace, where there are versions of his friends. We don’t have a headspace, but have been told by other systems that do that it feels like an accurate depiction. His friends there can be interpreted as introjects who live solely in headspace, or as the NPC denizens of headspace, either way I’m told they fit. From there, there is an excellent scene where Epsilon is shown to be conversing with his fragments. His system here is at the absolute forefront; it cannot be ignored or interpreted as anything else. He works with his alters fluidly, each offering their own strengths to help out. It is very clear that having his system is beneficial to him and to those around him. It isn’t, however, all perfect; there is still intrasystem fighting. The introject of Omega encourages Epsilon’s anger and pushes them towards more violent solutions— however, unlike the original Omega, he is not villainized for this. Omega’s intentions are much more clearly laid out here: he is acting in what he thinks is the best interest of the system. His rage is protective, even if it’s not especially helpful.

that’s the end. no conclusion bc it’s not done.

here’s my new made rvb zine Blood Gulch Blues. 

It’s  a collection of my rvb & halo fanart, and i’m gonna post each art later, but you can download a free e-book(PDF) version at the link below:

link