Hoping To Release Some Taylor Fics Once I'm Done Writing The Series I'm Currently Working On :] I Know

hoping to release some taylor fics once I'm done writing the series I'm currently working on :] I know its been a while since I've done a oneshot so<3

Y/N: Wanda, you and I need to talk

Wanda: okay

Y/N gets real close and leans their forehead against Wanda’s, their lips mere inches from each other…

Wanda: what’s wrong?

Y/N: nothing. I just wanted an excuse to get this close

Wanda giggles…

Y/N rubs noses with her…

Y/N: As a responsible adult-

Natasha: *chuckles*

Y/N: ... As a responsible adult-

"and all the things I didn't do."

| W.M -> N.R

Undeserving of a Love Like Yours, Chapter 10

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, drinking, alcohol, mental breakdown, and a very short moment of a creep approaching R in a bar scene.

Summary: Hanging out at the gentle redhead's apartment for a while was fun, but what happens when you happen to encounter something that makes you drop everything and fall apart?

Series Summary: When you're stuck in a complete hole of confusion and hurt with the one you thought you loved most, a certain redhead finds her way into your life.

Word Count: 5.7k

Category: Fluff, hurt/comfort, angst

A/N: this was...definitely supposed to be longer, but I didn't get to finish half of it, aaand it would have a lot more things to unpack soooo, I'm gonna have to separate it into another chapter... have fun tho!<3

Series Playlist

| Started on 31/05/2024, 8:15 AM |

| Finished on 06/05/2024, 3:45 PM |

Masterlist | Series Masterlist | N.R Masterlist

<- Chapter 9 Chapter 11 ->

"Yours were the hand I danced with."

|——————————— ⴵ ———————————|

Her arm slips around your waist. In the dead of night with the streets empty, your felt her body leaning in closer, up until your lips meet for a soft, tender kiss.

For a short moment, that was it. Your heart stuttered and you couldn't help but return the gentle gesture within seconds.

When you slowly pulled back, the two of you were quiet, but she ended up only smirking and turning back to her apartment's door to unlock it. Your lips were parted as you were left to reel your mind over what had happened.

But with the door open in front of you, leading right to the home of the redhead who just gave you an entire day to remember along with the tingle of her action, you inhale a deep breath and move to walk in.

|——————————— ⴵ ———————————|

The morning came with you waking up on the couch, a yawn escaping your mouth as you sat up. Your mind was still tkaing in that you were in Nat's apartment, sitting in borrowed clothing.

You groggily get off the couch, standing up to stretch. The front door opens with a click, capturing your attention in a quick second.

Nat was revealed from behind the door, wearing her jogging outfit and holding what seemed to be a brown paper bag that had you tilting your head curiously.

Her green eyes traveled to you as she took off her shoes, saying a gentle "Hey," before returning her keys back to her pocket and closing the front door.

The fact that she had even come from the front door and not the bedroom surprised you further really, she hadn't made a single sound that was loud enough to wake you. Unless you were that deep in sleep. She was like a cat, padding its quiet paws.

Speaking of, there was a black, slim cat sitting perched up at a nearby window. It had been laying there, silently resting. You wouldn't have noticed it if not for the sunlight, making itself visible from the shadows...or the yellow eyes that would often reveal themselves, scanning the room for any threats.

Nat walked across the room, making her way to the kitchen and setting down the paper bag before rolling it open and peeking inside to make sure all the contents she got was in there.

While she was there, she also grabbed a glass of water, drinking it and rehydrating herself from her small running session that also included an extra part of going to a bakery somewhere. You watched her quietly, a small smile raising on your lips.

"I got you some croissant and some sausage rolls." Her voice was calm as it sounded out through the space. She grabs a sausage roll out, gesturing it slightly as she talked and took a bite out of it.

"If you like them, that is. If not, then you can just leave them on the table." She grabs the paper bag once more and sat down next to you, putting it in front of you. Your eyes stared at it for a moment, but with your raised lips you grab one sausage roll too.

"I'll try some." She watches as you take a bite, staring for a moment before getting her attention pulled by the black cat, sneakily and curiously walking closer by the couch.

Thank god for it, or she might have just stared a moment too longer. You in the meanwhile, hummed in delightment, the little treat hitting your taste buds in all the right ways.

"These are delicious," you said, now grabbing a croissant and trying it, making sure not to accidentally get any crumbs on the couch. It was faint, but there was the smallest smile on her face as she leaned back.

"Have you texted your friend?" Nat asks, getting the tv remote while her cat jumped up in her lap, almost blending in with her black joggers.

You check your phone, seeing the messages Kate sent you...along with a winky face. You had to hold back from rolling your eyes at her or shaking your head, knowing she's probably doing it just to make you stay longer.

"Mm. Yeah, she's still not home. She said she'll be back home at 2 pm." You turned off your phone and set it aside, continuing to eat the food in your hands.

"For now, I'm stuck with you," you said, nearly in a whisper. Your head turned to look at the redhead once more, her hands going through the fur of the small cat friend in her lap as you had talked.

"Well, I don't have anything to do, so..." she tilts her head, her gaze slowly traveling to you. When she looks back at the tv, you raised your eyebrows, but get comfortable on the couch anyways, choosing a movie with her.

Within the few minutes of the movie, you stared at her side profile. She was so beautiful, focused on the movie. Your mind couldn't help but drift back off to last night's memory-- Down in the dark cold streets, where lips touched with warmth. And last night...You hadn't spoken about it at all, as if it was something you dreamt when you slept in the car. And you were about to think it was a dream.

Your thoughts were bothered by the black cat stretching over to meet you, moving to curl up beside you on the couch, making you blink.

Hesitantly, you reach out to pet it, first letting it sniff your hand gently before it obliged and relaxed, making you slowly rest your hand upon it. The yellow eyes closed, and you almost feel its head tilting to lean into your hand.

"Does it have a name?" You asked, making Nat look to you, taking her eyes off the screen of the tv. The fur was soft, running against your skin like nothing.

"Liho," she said gently and simply, but now she couldn't look away. The sight of you so close to her small friend had her heart beating a little faster and swelling up. You hum, continuing to gently pet Liho's head, eliciting small purrs from its throat.

A sudden sound of an explosion came from the movie, Nat having set an action movie on, getting her attention back on the story and causing both you and Liho to snap your heads towards the sound.

Time goes by like this, all three of you, comfortable on the couch with no interruptions...almost.

As your focus drifted off, the scene being quiet with aimless talking, your eyes skimmed around the space. As you do, you notice a camera she's left on the small table, just beside you.

While she was very much into the movie and distracted, you gently grabbed the device, your fingertips brushing against the metal. It clicked on with a slide, the screen showing a high quality view of wherever you pointed it.

Gently, your teeth bit into your lower lip, and you smiled, sneakily taking a picture of Nat from the side, the screen momentarily flashing black, an indication that it processed it successfully.

At the first shot, she didn't notice, but then in the corner of her vision, she realizes you were holding something up and pointing it at her, until she sees that it was her camera in your hands.

The smallest smile raised up on her lips, and you were fast to grab a picture of that too. She heard the click, the quiet scene in the movie making it all the more obvious.

"Stop!" she lightly said with a chuckle, looking to you. You had already taken another shot, smiling cheekily at the camera screen while her cheeks dusted pink.

You put the camera down with a small giggle, and Nat quickly grabbed it to put it away from you. She was looking at the screen, possibly deleting the photos, but you couldn't tell.

Nonetheless, you went back to watching the movie, your hand mindlessly going through Liho's fur. At times you play around with the cat, its paws gently touching your skin.

As you were absolutely lost in the story playing on the tv, she holds up the camera and pushes down on the button, successfully capturing a photo of you and Liho, unbeknownst to you.

"I got you!" She exclaimed with her own giggle, looking proudly at the still moment sitting in the screen.

You looked at her and smiled, shaking your head at how determined she was to get you back.

After hours later, you managed to get back to Kate's apartment, settling back into bed with a content sigh from the day with Nat.

Your sleep was peaceful, and the day after that too, your walk nearly having a gentle jump in it from how...better everything somehow seemed.

You were walking back to the apartment, having went to grab a hot chocolate from the local cafe and just simply going for a walk.

But a touch of a hand on your shoulder had you turning around, your eyes widening as you took a step back.

You thought to see someone you've seen in the past days. Or a stranger tapping for something you might have dropped.

But...of course. After all this time. You should have expected it would happen someday.

Your heart skips a beat when you realize it isn't an illusion. Green eyes stared at you, not with red hair but with brown hair. The piercing round eyes a clear contrast to the calm almond shaped eyes you got used to.

"Y/N...Hi," her voice comes out. This was a dream. You had to be dreaming. What else could have been happening? Your breath got caught on nothing but your very own air.

"Wha--...What are you doing here?" You said. The volume of your words were faint, your face obvious that you were at a complete loss as to how she had just randomly showed up.

"I..." She seemed like she didn't have a reason at all, as if she was here for nothing. Your eyebrows furrowed as you stared at her, your shoulder getting brushed by a stranger this time, which had you stepping aside to let people have more space to walk in.

"I thought to grab myself a vacation." And out of all the places she chose, it was New York, you thought. She was holding a plastic container in her hand, inside, being some cake rolls.

"And...I wanted to talk to you." Ah. She chose it with the knowledge that you were here. Even better. You sighed softly, diverting your gaze to the concrete floor. It took everything in you to not simply walk away and not deal with this situation at all.

She bit her lip and swallowed down her nervous feelings, but it had no help as you look back at her. You still had that same gaze with her, full of softness. But it also had drops of sadness.

"How did you know where I was?" You asked. You haven't posted anything in ages, and Kate hasn't had you in a photo or video of her instagram story.

Wanda looks down for a moment, taking in a deep breath. You shifted your weight to your other leg, slipping your hand in your pockets.

"...You forgot to turn off your location," she revealed, not making eye contact with you for a moment. You, in the meanwhile, moved your head forward for a second and raised your eyebrows.

"What?" was all you simply said, blinking. That was far of what you expected from her. You would've thought maybe she heard from Carol, or something.

“You tracked me down?” You asked straightforwardly, and her eyes widened as she shook her head quickly, defending herself of the accusation.

“No! No, it’s not like that I…Your live location on our messages. I saw it, and you didn’t turn it off," she says, through small stutters and hand gestures. You only stared at her, trying to decipher the truth.

"But I didn't...follow you here like a stalker, I swear." She sighed, having hoped the conversation was going to start differently when she saw you.

"So you just happened to run into me?" Your shoulders went up slightly as you said your sentence, lost on how to make sense of the situation.

"It's not a lie," she said simply, and you couldn't have it in yourself to really trust her, though at this point, you didn't even care to know how she found you anymore.

You pressed your lips together, looking off to the streets. It went quiet for a moment, as if the heat of the flame that died months ago was sparking up again, and it definitely wasn't the light of love.

"I just...” She starts, running her hand through her hair for a moment as she gathered herself together to speak with you.

"I miss you. And I still love you." The words came out like a flowing river, but the second you heard the words, you were trying to hold your eyes from becoming a river themselves.

"Wanda, don't..." Your voice was quiet, teary almost. You had taken a small step back, and Wanda kept her eyes on you, hoping you weren't going to walk away all at once, leading to her losing you completely.

“I was wrong. I didn't—“ She tried continuing, her own eyes filling with tears, but you cut her off, shaking your head.

"You can't just say that." You had spiked back, and it was cutting her heart further, but its true. You didn't want to hear any more, yet she wanted to do the opposite. Wanda lowers her head guiltily, as if she was being scolded.

"I'm sorry..." She gazed down at the sidewalk, slowly losing her resolve. You didn't look at her at all, and it was obvious your heart might crumble if she continhed any further.

The open space was loud with unspoken words. And a car honking...and people's footsteps. You were in the middle of the street, it wasn't exactly the best place to have a conversation like this.

She had realized how precious you were to her only after you were gone. She was the one who had stopped giving, lost her will to keep it alive simply because she couldn't tell if her heart still wanted you.

"...But I do still care for you." She said, looking up at you once more, and you squeeze your eyes shut in frustration. You didn't want to hurt her, but there was no easy way to settle this down.

"We were happy. For four whole years, and you just decided to break it. You broke my heart, Wands." The nickname had come out so easily, only because you were on the verge of crying. You tone was nearly sharp and your volume was just a little loud. Some people passing by seemed to have turned their heads, and you noted to try and keep your calm. Wanda took a deep breath, her mind only acting on nothing but impulse.

"We were on a break." At that, you had to bite your tongue, your face losing any color it had left. The second she finished her sentence, she regretted it and she paused, completely shutting her mouth as she realized what she said.

You swallowed back some words, your mind going over just how much she had left you broken. Was that what that was? Could she have wanted a break so the two of you could process your feelings properly or just so she could have an excuse? Whatever happened to that girl she was with? Had she found out too, and broke it off with her?

"A break doesn't mean we weren't still together," you whispered shakily. The conversation was a mess, and you were sure you'll go into a downward spiral as soon as you get into Kate's apartment.

"Please, I swear I won't do it again, and if I could, I would change how everything happened. If there's anything I could do to fix it, I'll do it." You couldn't believe it. She was begging for you to take her back-- The silenced reply she had given you when you left.

"I am not having this conversation with you." You said, desperately needing to end this when you still could while she, needed you.

"I get it, but...it's over. I'm sorry." She was too late. It had been months before, where she left you lost and confused and now its been months after you had broken up.

Wanda went quiet, processing your words and how much you truly did not want her back anymore. You swore you saw her lip tremble for just a mere moment, and your heart ached at the sight.

She wanted so badly. So, so badly to keep in touch with you at least, but both of you knew it would only lead to bad news.

"Okay," she nods slowly, a small tear escaping the corner of her eye that she quickly wiped away, definitely not wanting to appear crying at the side of the street.

"I won't bother you anymore." She said sincerely and quietly. You clenched your jaw. It felt like a void altogether once again. Your heart pointed to her but your mind knew better.

"Goodbye, Wanda." You had to hold back a choked sob, slowly turning around to continue your path that was interrupted long ago.

"...Bye." She whispered under her breath, and you had just barely heard it from behind you, mixed with many other noises.

You kept walking forward, kept your hands in your pockets, trying your best to blink back your tears as you sniffled. You were sure your nose was red, and it wasn't from the freezing temperatures.

If you hadn't met the redhead you knew now, maybe you had considered going back to her. Maybe. But you couldn't bare to go through it again, the nights spent waiting for her to come home or when she would brush you off.

You don't remember how many times you've gone to Nat's apartment or met her anymore. But who's counting anyway? She didn't have any bad traits so far, so you wouldn't have a reason to stop. It's been months since the breakoff with Wanda, until she showed up again earlier.

You sighed and ran your hands over your face, finally arriving to the front of Kate's apartment. You went in, not greeted by the sound of clinking coming from a dog's collar but with the sight of Kate in the kitchen, making...brownies?

The golden retriever was napping, possibly getting bored of waiting for you to come back or was tired of watching over Kate, making sure she did the recipe right. And also interested, since she rarely ever did cook.

"Hey," Kate looked up from her mixture, hearing you open the door and close it, kicking your shoes off. Her eyes flickered from you and the bowl.

"Hey." You said simply and quietly back with a small wave of your hand, not wondering what she was doing, or barely even looking at her as you padded off to your room.

Odd. Kate watches you go with her eyebrows slowly furrowing in concern. She'll note to ask you about it later, for now counting it as maybe you having a bad day and needing space.

You gently shut the door behind you, resting your back and your head against it. Your breath quickly hitches and you gasp, a choked sob finally leaving your lips quietly as you closed your eyes.

You slid down against the door, curling up on the floor with your legs close to your body. It was no surprise you'd be here, having a mental breakdown when the sudden appearance of someone you thought you'd never see again happened.

Salty liquid ran down from your nose, mixing with your tears, and you try wiping it away with your hands, but it didn't give anything. It was all unending.

Tomorrow it was evening. You had fallen into bed messily last night and now you were still laid down in bed. Of course, you had treated yourself to your needed meals properly, with Kate gently scolding you and urging you to get out your room.

It was quiet as you mindlessly went through your phone, your body weak on the soft mattress that held you.

You were getting bored, that was for sure. Laying in bed being in a void for hours. You could watch a movie in the living room, cook...or go out and have some fresh air, but with what had happened yesterday, that was the last thing you wanted to do now.

Then an idea popped up in your head, and you thought it over. it wasn't the best idea, but to you, you had nothing better to do.

You were there again, in Nat's messages, opening it so you could type a sentence to her.

Hey, wanna hang out at a bar somewhere later?

You don't expect her to accept, and you almost don't want her to, knowing you'll probably only make yourself feel worse. But there's no turning back now.

Nat was surprised when she got the message, her eyebrows raising for a moment. You weren't always that bold to straight up ask to go out, but she was free, simply sitting at her desk with Liho in her lap as she sorted out some papers.

Sure.

She replied simply, not asking questions other than the planned time and where you'll meet, thinking you were simply wanting some fun.

She didn't know why she was still meeting you. She never liked to do...anything with anyone, yet you somehow caught her eyes. Maybe it was the fact you bumped into each other, but that help of hers with the umbrella was...intentional. She could have gone to any other person, but she saw you.

You got up and out of bed, getting the energy to go to your closet and picking out a set of clothes to wear.

Once you had changed, you made sure your phone and keys were in your pockets befoee you peek out your room. You find the space to be empty, and Kate's bedroom door closed. She was asleep, probably.

You went out the apartment quietly, making sure not even a creak was heard with how aware Lucky was of his surroundings.

Since your car was indeed...still at the airport way over in another state, you had to call a cab, getting it to bring you to the bar. The drive was short, but peaceful. There was light rain, enough to make it colder, but not necessary for an umbrella.

When you get out, you go to the entrance, seeing the brightly lit bar. Before going in, you looked around for a moment, seeing the sheen of shine from the rain on the street.

Then, there across from you in your vision, Nat comes out from another cab herself, fixing her signature leather jacket.

Her lips were painted red from her lipstick, and you couldn't help but stare at her appearance. When she saw you and walked closer, you blinked yourself out of staring.

"Hey, you good?" She asked, stepping in front of you, and you quickly nod, moving to let people in the bar and to go in yourself.

"Yeah. Yeah...lets go in," you said, going to go hold the door open for her. She hums and walks in with you, the bar instantly coming up with loads of noises of people talking, glasses clinking and being thudded against the wooden tables, and the tv hanging near the corner.

The two of you sat at the front bar, ordering some drinks so the night could start properly. You leaned against the wood, the seat being surprisingly comfortable as you turned to look at her.

"You look stunning tonight, you know," you said in a whisper, but she heard it, her cheeks hinting the smallest blush. Your eyes went over how the lighting portrayed her, illuminating her features perfectly.

"Thank you. You're not too far yourself." She replied. You weren't too far at all actually. It was hard for her to pull her eyes away from you, too.

When the bartender slides your drinks to you both, you grab the glass, starting to drink it while she took a few sips, her gaze locked on you.

You stifled a sigh for a moment. Your mind was still stuck on yesterday, and you have someone right next to you you could share your troubles to.

But her? You couldn't. You wouldn't. Especially with it being about your ex. And you couldn't deny this was simply a getaway to escape, how much you wanted to distract yourself from thinking about her at all, wondering how she was doing.

The two of you had your fun, getting to know each other better with small laughs and stares that lasted longer than whenever you were sober. Your insides were completely and utterly intoxicated by the drinks, getting caught up in the moment.

As the night progressed with the moon high in the sky, she couldn't help but notice how many drinks you started to grab, your words slowly starting to slur further and further in time.

"And that's enough for you," just as your glass brushed against your lips, she gently took it out your hands, your skin brushing just slightly, but you couldn't focus on that at the moment when you get surprised.

"Wha- No..." You said softly, disappointment evident in your voice as you tried to reach back for the drink, the glass still being half full, but she pulled it back.

"Mm-mm. You're already wasted," she shook her head, putting the drink down, but still out of reach from you. You pouted, your shoulders slumping, and she fought herself back from smiling, but at the same time she was concerned of your wellbeing.

Nat turns to the bartender, "Put it on my tab," she said, then pushed herself off the seat to stand and gently wrap her arm around your body, pulling you along with her so she could get out of the bar.

Before she could get to the door though, someone comes up close to you, saying, "What's someone like you doin' here?"

You scrunched your face in disgust. Even though you were very much drunk, you were aware enough to move backwards from them.

"Back off," she growled, pulling you closer to her by your waist as she gave them a deathening glare. Her grip was tight, protective, and almost possessive.

"Alright, I didn't do nothin'." The person puts their hands up and stepped back, retreating to their own place when they realized you were definitely not alone. Nat rolled her eyes and continued to get you out the bar.

With relief, she lets out a breath, the two of you stepping onto the cold sidewalks once more. The rain had disappeared, but the aftermath definitely had it being colder.

Nat grabs her phone out from her pocket, thinking to maybe call your friend Kate. She could get a cab for both of you, either sending you home safely or helping you get to her apartment.

But, when she sees your flushed face that was doozy with the toxins running in you, and the littlest of touches you give her or how you leaned to her body, she knew she couldn't trust herself to resist from you just yet. At least, from a kiss. Or anything she couldn't bare to imagine. Sure, she was far more sober than you, but she has had a couple drinks herself.

When she searches her contacts, she realizes she doesn't have Kate's number saved. Damn it. But just as she was about to give up and grab the cab, she hears your phone ringing with a call from your pocket.

You were drunkenly surprised, reaching in to grab your phone and flimsily holding it. She purses her lips and reached out to grab it from you, knowing you definitely won't have a conversation, much less, on the phone well, but also it nearly slipped out of your hands.

"Hey--" Your eyebrows furrowed and you looked at her with yet another pout. Nat's heart melted, but she shushed you gently, putting up a finger to stop you from protesting.

Then, she looks at the screen, a sigh softly leaving her lips once more in relief, seeing it was Kate. She picks it up, putting it to her ear as she held you.

"Hello? Y/N?" Kate's voice came through the phone, sounding worried. You did leave her without her knowledge and didn't leave a note, but Nat didn't know that.

"Hey, it's Nat," she said naturally, making it clear it wasn't you or a stranger talking so she wasn't confused.

"Oh. O-Oh-- Sorry, am I interrupting something...?" Kate stuttered, and Nat's face heated up when she realized what Kate might be assuming, but she had enough courage in her to reply.

"No, no. We're at a bar. Um, do you think you can...come pick them up? I didn't bring my car," she said, hoping to everything Kate would say yes, as a good friend would.

"A bar? Okay, yeah, I'll...I'll be there." Nat heard keys rattling and movement, and nodded being reassured that you'll be safe home later.

"Thank you," was all she said before pulling the phone away from her ear and ending the call. Just as she did, she saw you were walking along the patterned tiles of the sidewalk, making sure your feet were in the squares and not hitting lines. It was a silly sight to say the least.

Well, that was, until you had almost slipped and fell, but her eyes widened and she quickly went forward to capture you, holding you up.

"Okay, you'll be alright, любов (love)," she said, accidentally spilling out a russian nickname from her lips, and you looked at her weirdly, awfully confused.

"You're talking funny," your words come out slurred and with a laugh, but it was understandable enough. She lets out a nearly nervous chuckle as you pointed at her with your finger.

"Am I? I think you're just drunk." She said, trying to play it off while at the same time keeping ahold of you, making sure you don't fall from your drunken state.

"No, you are. Or were..." you whispered gently, and in a way it made her heartbeat falter for a second. If only you weren't so vulnerable at the moment. She'd have confessed right then and there.

Kate's car soon pulls up to the side of the road, and not long after she arrives, her door opens and she gets out. Both you and Nat watched, your bodies visibly shuddering and trembling slightly from the coolness of the night.

"Hey, sorry if I took a while, is everything alright?" Kate said, her voice quick, and in just a bit of a panic. She knew just as much as the redhead did, but she was more worried, knowing you've had the brightest days with Nat as of late.

"Yeah, they've just...drunk a little too much." Nat purses her lips, patting your back lightly. She was concerned. Perhaps you just got stuck in the haze or just wanted to have some fun, but, even so, she wouldn't have drunk that much alcohol unless she was having a bad day.

Kate nods, going closer so she could grab ahold of you gently, starting to get you to her car. "Thank you for taking care of them," she said, looking over her shoulder as you sat in the passenger seat.

"No problem. Just get them home safe," her voice was husky, different than what Kate had thought, and she was definitely as pretty as you had made her out to be.

"I will," she reassured Nat, closing your car door and then going off to the driver's seat. Nat watched as the car started to move, her eyebrows pressured down on her eyes as her heart beated with concern for you.

As long as you were safe.

The drive home was quiet, Kate glancing over to you every now and then and seeing you doing a "whoa" to the streetlights passing by. Yup. You were going to be miserable in the morning.

When you arrive, she helps you out and into her apartment, her heart skipping beats every now and then whenever you would nearly slip from being so drunk. You were worrying the hell out of the woman, thats for sure.

"Gosh, Y/N, you need to control yourself a little," she murmured, laying you in bed, yet you fell against the sheets, parts of your body all over the place with your hair.

"I can't." You breathed out. Kate's concern was etched onto her features, rising in level. You got more comfortable, but it was barely any movement. The raven haired girl kneels down beside you, trying to find a reason as to your sudden change in behaviour since yesterday.

"Wanda..." You slurred her name, and instantly, Kate's face scrunched up in confusion and shock at the sudden mention, her eyes widening.

"What?" She asked, making sure she wasn't hearing things. If she didn't, maybe it was the alcohol, making your mind spin in unbelievable ways.

"Wanda...saw me in the streets and talked to me," you said slowly, your eyes slowly faltering with being able to keep themselves open. Kate took in the new information with high awareness.

"What did she want?" She asked, but you were dozily falling asleep already, and if she didn't get this out from you, you might never share it.

"Hey, what did she want?" she repeated, gently tapping your cheek with her palm. That roused you awake once more with a hum, but barely in a half awake state.

"To...to getmeback..." your words slurred, mumbled sleepily in a breath before you closed your eyes once more, Kate was taking a deep breath in the meanwhile.

"Oookay, now go back to sleep. You're...not looking too great, Y/N," she said, patting your shoulder before pulling away and standing up. But you had already fallen asleep, gentle snores coming from you.

She stared at you, seeing how small you looked. Then, she pulled up the covers to warm you up, having seen the small shivers on your skin before sighing softly.

What was she going to do with you?

end of chapter 10. <3

Series Masterlist <- Chapter 9 Chapter 11 ->

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But I can see us lost in the memory

for the loss of my life.

| W.M -> N.R

Undeserving of a Love Like Yours, Chapter 11

Chapter Warnings: One swear word, overthinking.

Summary: Making yourself at home with someone else's heart but holding no communications of the love clear between you two, has a chance for consequences to happen. What will the outcome be if you speak up about it?

Series Summary: When you're stuck in a complete hole of confusion and hurt with the one you thought you loved most, a certain redhead finds her way into your life.

Word Count: 3.3k

Category: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Angst

A/N: I hope you're all taking care of yourselves <3

Series Playlist

| Started on 07/05/2024, 2:02 PM |

| Finished on 11/05/2024, 10:53 PM |

Masterlist | Series Masterlist | N.R Masterlist

<- Chapter 10 Final Chapter ->

"Run yourself in a circle, bury yourself a deeper hole, but it won't end unless you stop and take control."

Started with a kiss, oh, we must stop meeting like this!

|——————————— ⴵ ———————————|

It was an early day at Nat's place. You were hanging out in her room, taking a look through physical photos she's taken that had been retrieved from a dusty box, sitting under her bed, along with some cassettes.

Meanwhile, she was going through the photos on her digital camera and clearing some accidental takes. her lips raises up when sees the photo you had taken of her, the day you first came over to her apartment. She didn't ever delete the picture.

"Hey, you have any batteries?" You ask, gently breaking the comforting quietness that had overcome the two of you. She looks up, taking her gaze off the camera screen.

"Yeah, there should be some in the top drawer." She nods towards her chestdrawer, and you get up, going off to open the top one, inside holding a small pack of batteries.

You grab two, then slide them into the battery slot for the cassette player, making sure it was properly inside before closing it and turning back to her.

Her eyes watch you as you picked up a cassette tape, placing it inside to play it. You already had your headphones on your head and connected to the output.

With some faith and a miracle, the player works after you heard some white noise. You hoped it'll last that way.

Nat tilted her head, and peeks to see the wheels of the player spinning, a clear indication it was working. When you turn up the volume a little, she could hear the music coming out from the old headphones she kept.

Thank everything the dust hadn't gotten into the box. Although there was a dead black spider within it just earlier and you had jumped when you saw it. She took care of it though, after also making sure there wasn't anything else, especially things such as...spider eggs.

You nod your head to the music as you sat back down on the bed, your hand going back through the photos scattered in a pile atop each other and every now and then petting Liho, beside you. It was all indeed scenery, and no portraits, selfies, or even people at all.

A specific one that was a bright glow of a sunset with water reflecting its own beauty had caught your attention, your eyes focused on it before your hand reached out.

"This one's pretty," you said, holding it up before leaning closer to Nat and tilting it to show it to her. She looked at it, and her eyebrows raised.

"Oh, I took that one a while after I saw the orca." She pointed out, and you realize how familiar it did look. The grass below, the rocks just ahead. It was the same spot as the pictures and videos she had showed you before. You guessed she wanted a physical memory of it too.

"There should be a picture of the orca here somewhere, but I think the film got a leak..." She murmured with a tinge of sadness as her hand ruffled through the pictures slightly, some with dates on them and some having nothing.

"I love that you waited for the sunset," you said, still staring at the shot she took in your hand. The sun was a bright orange, nearly similar in color as her hair.

"Well, the view was too pretty not to." She looked at you. You were also too adorable for her to not further fall in love with you as she saw you admiring the photos she took. That's what she thought, but it was never said out loud.

Liho, was laying down and purring between the two of you. She was quiet, and unmoving, too comfortable to do anything else but sit with the two people she liked the most.

When Nat's eyes went down to the pictures closer to your crossed legs, she spots the photo that had the orca, although just barely visible through the orange light leak that covered nearly the entire photo.

"Here it is," she said, her hand carefully taking ahold of it to give to you. You gently grabbed it, rotating it when you realize she gave it to you in the opposite way.

You raised your eyebrows, taking in the picture. It took a few seconds, with some squinting, but you soon see the orca jumping from the water, although small. "I think it looks prettier with the light leak."

She hums, taking another look to the picture in your hand. You smiled softly, and her eyes flickered up to your lips for a small moment before she turns back to her camera.

You notice the way she goes back to her camera, almost as if she was distracting herself, but you hadn't seen the flicker in her eyes. Tilting your head, you check the cassette player for a bit before looking up at her.

"You wanna listen?" You asked with a soft gaze, taking off the headphones on your head and holding it out to her.

She raised an eyebrow, but took it from you, putting it on. "Sure." the music was already flowing through her ears. 'American Pie'. She remembered this album. It was what she had listened to whenever she was alone, in the car peacefully. But it was different with the headphones-- capturing more details she hadn't noticed. Or, maybe, she just hasn't listened to it in a while and had forgotten.

You smiled as you see her involuntarily moving her head to the song, her attention going to inspect the cassette player, either watching the wheels turning or putting the volume up.

Soon after, you finish looking at every photo and get out of bed, deciding to walk towards the bathroom, but was too close to the bed, causing you to accidentally hit your hand against the wooden bedframe, it making a loud sound echo through the room.

"Ow, fuck!" You winced and cursed, grimacing at the pain. Both Nat and Liho looks at you, shocked. You were focused on your stinging hand though, shaking the pain away. It took everything in you to not crumple up like a shrimp to the floor.

"Are you okay?" she asks quickly, her eyes filling with concern. But you nod repetitively, unwilling to admit it still hurt. Your other hand was firmly gripping your wrist, as if it would help.

"I'm fine. I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine!" you say, most probably trying to convince yourself, too. She lets out a small laugh when she sees you wave her off and struggle as you moved to take a step forward.

"Sure you are. Come here." She says quietly, but you still heard her. You purse your lips and your eyes travel to her, but you follow nonetheless, two pair of eyes watching you.

"Which hand?" She asked gently, looking at your hands. You hesitate for a moment, but stepped closer, holding it out.

"Right." She grabs your hand and rubs her thumb on the skin slightly to where you held it, knowing thats where the pain is. She blows a little, as if you would magically take pain away from a child.

"There. Better." She says, and a red tint goes over your face. The redhead cheekily smiles. Just when she was about to pull her hand away from yours, the cat sitting in her lap had been looking at you two the whole time, and it decides to lean up, going up to your hand.

Both you and Nat watch curiously as to what it was doing. Liho's yellow eyes were focused before a paw gently lands on your wrist, her face going closer to lick on your skin, making the pain slowly go away even more. You chuckled, both at getting your skin tickled and the fact the cat tried to help ease the pain.

Then you see Nat's eyes travel to her cassette player, concern growing in her face as she heard some warbly music. She takes off the headphones, feeling uneasy at the sound.

"I think it's breaking." She said, looking at the headphones in her hands that you now heard the messed up music from. Pulling your hand away from the cat's face, your eyebrows furrowed as your attention moved to her.

"Why, what happened?" You check on the cassette player, seeing that it was slowing down or speeding up, changing its pace however much it wants.

Nat stops the player with a click and hands both items back to you. The feel of her skin brushing with yours glided over for a mere second, but you try to focus on the player in your hand. Changing its batteries after taking the tape out, rewinding or fast forwarding a bit. But nothing other than a broken noise.

You sighed softly, knowing you'll need to open it up to check its insides. "It probably needs a new belt..." You murmured, turning around while Nat blinked at you and tilted her head, probably unfamiliar with the workings of a portable player.

"It's what makes the wheels spin. I'll search for one," you explained, then left the player on the chestdrawer to deal with later before storing the tape and sitting down on the bed once more, helping her sort the pictures. Nat nods, leaning closer to show you some things on her digital camera.

|——————————— ⴵ ———————————|

It was one of the many times once again, you were sitting in Natasha's apartment, and it was the beginning of something you were starting to get lost in.

The city bustles. Sounds of car tires, motorcycles revving, a nearby cat somewhere in an alleyway, and most of all, the birds chirping in the skies.

The wind was gentle as it glided against your skin, the chair you were sat in being a wooden one. You should get up from it. It was starting to make your body sore. But you couldn't help but stay, the balcony being peaceful.

Every thought in your head floated on by, with some sticking, being nothing but damaging. You still haven't gotten a belt yet for the cassette player. Kate's been just here and there, keeping a natural presence in your life. You haven't seen Wanda at all since. But your mind questioned if she was still waiting on you, lost too, or had moved on after your rejection.

A sigh leaves your mouth. To put a pause on all of it for however long you'd want would make you be able to relieve your body of any exhaustion it held. But would it really? Perhaps for a moment. Moving forward would have you release the things from before and have the opportunities to experience things in a better way.

And what about Nat...? You've been growing close, closer to going over the line you weren't sure you were ready to cross. And it seems like she wasn't either. The many touches you've shared, the months and months that held the many times you've visited her. And the kiss that you couldn't shake off...were you actually falling in love with her?

You shook your head, not wanting to even think about it. But you should. The longer you leave it be the more it could lead to torment and perhaps worser consequences. Problems don't fix themselves...most of the time.

Suddenly, you feel arms go around your waist, and you take a breath in, gasping softly in surprise, then turning your head to look behind you. The familiar touch was recognized soon enough, but seeing the redhead you cherished dearly makes you relax and lean back into her.

"I'm home." She said, resting her head on your shoulder as she gazed at you from behind, looking adorable. How can you not absolutely fall for this woman? You smiled softly, feeling your heart grow a little lighter, now that you weren't alone.

"Hi," you whispered, your hand gliding to your front to put over hers that was still on your waist. You hesitated on your next words, but the connection you felt with her urged you to. "I missed you."

Her eyes went to yours, but she didn't question it, replying back quietly, "I've missed you, too, любов." There it was again. You weren't imagining things when you had gotten drunk just a few days ago.

Wanda always said things in Russian, such as малыш (baby), but you've never heard of that word. Or maybe it wasn't Russian at all, and you were mixing up languages, but the accent made it lean towards being so.

You were going to ask her what it meant, but she spoke first. "You been okay?" She asks, her hands slipping off your waist as she pulls herself away from you and stood beside your standing figure. You watched her, seeing her gaze off to the view you've been staring off at the past hour.

"Yeah...I..." The words utter from your mouth quietly, then you licked your dry lips, diverting your own gaze. Should you tell her about the encounter you had a few days ago?

There was no harm in it, but your fingers fiddle with your pocket, the jean fabric rough against your skin before you slid your hand in the pockets. A sound of an ambulance siren sounded out distantly from the city, and you wait until it fades further away before talking.

"I saw Wanda a few days ago," You said, within a breath that could be counted as a sigh. At the mention of your ex's name, her eyes flash with surprise for a moment as she looks back to you, but she regains her composure fast enough.

Nat's head goes through her own thoughts, wondering if you meant intentionally or accidentally. Surely, accidentally. Or she hoped so. Why was she hoping so? She didn't know. Maybe simply because she was worried you'd fall into a dark hole, and not because her own heart was aiming for you...surely.

"Anything happen?" She asks, her eyebrows furrowing in concern. The redhead also leaned on the balcony rails beside you, feeling the gentle wind. The sun was falling down, so the skies were colored with gentle hues of orange and purple.

You didn't say anything back for just a few seconds, staying quiet as you were lost in decision, your eyes focused on a space elsewhere that wasn't her own eyes. Her face soften when she notices, and her voice was somehow gentler. "...That you're comfortable of sharing?"

Your lips raise up in the smallest smile for a moment, the swell in your heart obvious due to her thought to care in such a way. But the smile slowly fades as you remembered the memory.

"She wanted to get back together..." You start. Already, Nat raised a brow, a frown on her face. The metal rails of the balcony was cold on your skin when you stepped forward to lean against it.

Your shoulders were tense. When you realized they were, you let them relax and fall down just slightly with a quiet breath. "I didn't want to though." You whispered.

"I just can't get it out of my head." She didn't really know what to say to anything of it, afraid to touch on the sensitive subject. For you, it did some small damage, your head possibly going overboard with its roaming thoughts.

You can tell she had hesitancy to respond, but you didn't mind. Who could ever come up with a reply to that anyway? But Nat was kind, that was for sure. She just has some walls you just can't yet break through. Yet, how caring she's been, and gentle...you almost couldn't help but feel you're not half as decent as her.

You inhaled. "...What if she was just too good for me?" The words were under your breath, your gaze distant as you watch the city lights turning on with the growing darkness of the skies. The shops had a glow to them, almost alluringly.

"What if I don't deserve any of it?" Your hands gently gripped the metal it was against, but it slowly loosened when you feel the cold going too much against your skin. Nat's breath gets caught in her throat at your sentence, and she kept her eyes on you.

"What do you mean?" She asked, her voice gentle as her concern grew. She knew exactly what you meant, but she hoped she just imagined it. You turned to look at her, worry deep in your eyes that had her heart clenching.

"This. You...anything good in my life." Your volume lowered to a slight murmur, your hands going to run down your face when you rested your elbows further on the rails.

"I mean-- I've...done some good things but so...many horrible things." You said slowly, and she analyzed your movements and words. She knows it herself. She's accused herself of such a thing too, having gone through the same thing your mind is going through.

"Y/N." When she says your name with a serious tone, everything stops, as if the world freezes along with your mind, and only she was the living thing beside you. She had put one of her hands on your shoulder nearest to her, making you look at her again.

"You deserve everything. Please, don't think any less." She shook her head lightly, honesty in her eyes. Your heart stutters at her words as you swallowed a lump in your throat.

"She didn't..." she trails off, thinking her words carefully. She was going to say Wanda didn't deserve such a love like yours, but it simply sounded...wrong.

"You deserve a love that makes you happy and...makes your world feel like sunshine or just...takes the weight off your shoulders after a long day." The redhead explained slowly, making sure you were hearing her. Really, she was speaking a description of you. Even if she wasn't trying.

She had gotten home, saw you in her apartment, and any heaviness in her body had lightened, even if just slightly, your presence did a great deal.

Nat took a moment, gathering her words. "And if you're not enough for her, then she's not enough for you," she gently added, but anxiety was creeping in her heart.

You processed her words, your heart surprisingly steady, but that may be the cause of her very own calm presence beside you. At least, on the outside. She was right. The situation of the brunette was basically done and over with. You had to focus on yourself. But now stood the question right next to you.

"...And what are we?" You asked slowly and quietly, looking up at her. Your eyes met her green ones, the ones that look like a forest, but inviting, soft, as if they'd keep you safe.

She searches your pupils, taking a deep breath as her eyebrows furrowed, trying to think it over. Her mouth opened to speak, but she only ended up taking another breath in.

"I don't know." She whispers. Sounds of birds were heard flying over in the distance. She was right there. She was so close. But she couldn't say it. Not yet, not just yet. The light and hope in your eyes dimmed, a breath slowly and quietly exhaling out your lips.

"Well, it's getting late," you said. You weren't really disappointed, more so just...sad. You pushed yourself back from the rails. She saw the words that was coming next, but she almost didn't want to hear it.

"I should...probably get back to my place." You whispered under your breath, turning around to face the entrance of the balcony, where you could see her familiar furnished apartment. She nods.

Steps were taken, shots in the dark had gone, the only thing left was to sit and think. But you were getting bored of doing such a thing. Just as you stepped a single foot inside again, she turns her body calmly.

"Text me," she said suddenly, her eyes hesitantly traveling to yours. You stopped in your tracks and looked at her from over your shoulder, a somber look in your eyes she could just barely make out.

"...When you get back home," she continued, her voice quiet, but it held care. Your shoulders went down. Your home was her, where her heart was. There was something else, but you couldn't quite reach to whatever it was.

"I will." The words left your mouth softly, but it seems no tears had pricked your eyes at all. Maybe it was because you couldn't seem to form any at all anymore, or was it the fact she even cared to know you arrived home safely?

Your steps were quiet as you went out the apartment, Liho meowing softly before you closed the door. You don't want her like a best friend. Or just someone you could love without anything connected. You wanted more.

And you wondered if she thought the same.

end of chapter 11. <3

Series Masterlist <- Chapter 10 Final Chapter ->

to mend a broken heart is to restart.

"I don't truly deserve a love like yours." W.M

"She doesn't deserve a love like yours." N.R

"What if I...don't deserve anyone's love?" R.

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