"and All The Things I Didn't Do."

"and all the things I didn't do."

| W.M -> N.R

Undeserving of a Love Like Yours, Chapter 10

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, drinking, alcohol, mental breakdown, and a very short moment of a creep approaching R in a bar scene.

Summary: Hanging out at the gentle redhead's apartment for a while was fun, but what happens when you happen to encounter something that makes you drop everything and fall apart?

Series Summary: When you're stuck in a complete hole of confusion and hurt with the one you thought you loved most, a certain redhead finds her way into your life.

Word Count: 5.7k

Category: Fluff, hurt/comfort, angst

A/N: this was...definitely supposed to be longer, but I didn't get to finish half of it, aaand it would have a lot more things to unpack soooo, I'm gonna have to separate it into another chapter... have fun tho!<3

Series Playlist

| Started on 31/05/2024, 8:15 AM |

| Finished on 06/05/2024, 3:45 PM |

Masterlist | Series Masterlist | N.R Masterlist

<- Chapter 9 Chapter 11 ->

"Yours were the hand I danced with."

|——————————— ⴵ ———————————|

Her arm slips around your waist. In the dead of night with the streets empty, your felt her body leaning in closer, up until your lips meet for a soft, tender kiss.

For a short moment, that was it. Your heart stuttered and you couldn't help but return the gentle gesture within seconds.

When you slowly pulled back, the two of you were quiet, but she ended up only smirking and turning back to her apartment's door to unlock it. Your lips were parted as you were left to reel your mind over what had happened.

But with the door open in front of you, leading right to the home of the redhead who just gave you an entire day to remember along with the tingle of her action, you inhale a deep breath and move to walk in.

|——————————— ⴵ ———————————|

The morning came with you waking up on the couch, a yawn escaping your mouth as you sat up. Your mind was still tkaing in that you were in Nat's apartment, sitting in borrowed clothing.

You groggily get off the couch, standing up to stretch. The front door opens with a click, capturing your attention in a quick second.

Nat was revealed from behind the door, wearing her jogging outfit and holding what seemed to be a brown paper bag that had you tilting your head curiously.

Her green eyes traveled to you as she took off her shoes, saying a gentle "Hey," before returning her keys back to her pocket and closing the front door.

The fact that she had even come from the front door and not the bedroom surprised you further really, she hadn't made a single sound that was loud enough to wake you. Unless you were that deep in sleep. She was like a cat, padding its quiet paws.

Speaking of, there was a black, slim cat sitting perched up at a nearby window. It had been laying there, silently resting. You wouldn't have noticed it if not for the sunlight, making itself visible from the shadows...or the yellow eyes that would often reveal themselves, scanning the room for any threats.

Nat walked across the room, making her way to the kitchen and setting down the paper bag before rolling it open and peeking inside to make sure all the contents she got was in there.

While she was there, she also grabbed a glass of water, drinking it and rehydrating herself from her small running session that also included an extra part of going to a bakery somewhere. You watched her quietly, a small smile raising on your lips.

"I got you some croissant and some sausage rolls." Her voice was calm as it sounded out through the space. She grabs a sausage roll out, gesturing it slightly as she talked and took a bite out of it.

"If you like them, that is. If not, then you can just leave them on the table." She grabs the paper bag once more and sat down next to you, putting it in front of you. Your eyes stared at it for a moment, but with your raised lips you grab one sausage roll too.

"I'll try some." She watches as you take a bite, staring for a moment before getting her attention pulled by the black cat, sneakily and curiously walking closer by the couch.

Thank god for it, or she might have just stared a moment too longer. You in the meanwhile, hummed in delightment, the little treat hitting your taste buds in all the right ways.

"These are delicious," you said, now grabbing a croissant and trying it, making sure not to accidentally get any crumbs on the couch. It was faint, but there was the smallest smile on her face as she leaned back.

"Have you texted your friend?" Nat asks, getting the tv remote while her cat jumped up in her lap, almost blending in with her black joggers.

You check your phone, seeing the messages Kate sent you...along with a winky face. You had to hold back from rolling your eyes at her or shaking your head, knowing she's probably doing it just to make you stay longer.

"Mm. Yeah, she's still not home. She said she'll be back home at 2 pm." You turned off your phone and set it aside, continuing to eat the food in your hands.

"For now, I'm stuck with you," you said, nearly in a whisper. Your head turned to look at the redhead once more, her hands going through the fur of the small cat friend in her lap as you had talked.

"Well, I don't have anything to do, so..." she tilts her head, her gaze slowly traveling to you. When she looks back at the tv, you raised your eyebrows, but get comfortable on the couch anyways, choosing a movie with her.

Within the few minutes of the movie, you stared at her side profile. She was so beautiful, focused on the movie. Your mind couldn't help but drift back off to last night's memory-- Down in the dark cold streets, where lips touched with warmth. And last night...You hadn't spoken about it at all, as if it was something you dreamt when you slept in the car. And you were about to think it was a dream.

Your thoughts were bothered by the black cat stretching over to meet you, moving to curl up beside you on the couch, making you blink.

Hesitantly, you reach out to pet it, first letting it sniff your hand gently before it obliged and relaxed, making you slowly rest your hand upon it. The yellow eyes closed, and you almost feel its head tilting to lean into your hand.

"Does it have a name?" You asked, making Nat look to you, taking her eyes off the screen of the tv. The fur was soft, running against your skin like nothing.

"Liho," she said gently and simply, but now she couldn't look away. The sight of you so close to her small friend had her heart beating a little faster and swelling up. You hum, continuing to gently pet Liho's head, eliciting small purrs from its throat.

A sudden sound of an explosion came from the movie, Nat having set an action movie on, getting her attention back on the story and causing both you and Liho to snap your heads towards the sound.

Time goes by like this, all three of you, comfortable on the couch with no interruptions...almost.

As your focus drifted off, the scene being quiet with aimless talking, your eyes skimmed around the space. As you do, you notice a camera she's left on the small table, just beside you.

While she was very much into the movie and distracted, you gently grabbed the device, your fingertips brushing against the metal. It clicked on with a slide, the screen showing a high quality view of wherever you pointed it.

Gently, your teeth bit into your lower lip, and you smiled, sneakily taking a picture of Nat from the side, the screen momentarily flashing black, an indication that it processed it successfully.

At the first shot, she didn't notice, but then in the corner of her vision, she realizes you were holding something up and pointing it at her, until she sees that it was her camera in your hands.

The smallest smile raised up on her lips, and you were fast to grab a picture of that too. She heard the click, the quiet scene in the movie making it all the more obvious.

"Stop!" she lightly said with a chuckle, looking to you. You had already taken another shot, smiling cheekily at the camera screen while her cheeks dusted pink.

You put the camera down with a small giggle, and Nat quickly grabbed it to put it away from you. She was looking at the screen, possibly deleting the photos, but you couldn't tell.

Nonetheless, you went back to watching the movie, your hand mindlessly going through Liho's fur. At times you play around with the cat, its paws gently touching your skin.

As you were absolutely lost in the story playing on the tv, she holds up the camera and pushes down on the button, successfully capturing a photo of you and Liho, unbeknownst to you.

"I got you!" She exclaimed with her own giggle, looking proudly at the still moment sitting in the screen.

You looked at her and smiled, shaking your head at how determined she was to get you back.

After hours later, you managed to get back to Kate's apartment, settling back into bed with a content sigh from the day with Nat.

Your sleep was peaceful, and the day after that too, your walk nearly having a gentle jump in it from how...better everything somehow seemed.

You were walking back to the apartment, having went to grab a hot chocolate from the local cafe and just simply going for a walk.

But a touch of a hand on your shoulder had you turning around, your eyes widening as you took a step back.

You thought to see someone you've seen in the past days. Or a stranger tapping for something you might have dropped.

But...of course. After all this time. You should have expected it would happen someday.

Your heart skips a beat when you realize it isn't an illusion. Green eyes stared at you, not with red hair but with brown hair. The piercing round eyes a clear contrast to the calm almond shaped eyes you got used to.

"Y/N...Hi," her voice comes out. This was a dream. You had to be dreaming. What else could have been happening? Your breath got caught on nothing but your very own air.

"Wha--...What are you doing here?" You said. The volume of your words were faint, your face obvious that you were at a complete loss as to how she had just randomly showed up.

"I..." She seemed like she didn't have a reason at all, as if she was here for nothing. Your eyebrows furrowed as you stared at her, your shoulder getting brushed by a stranger this time, which had you stepping aside to let people have more space to walk in.

"I thought to grab myself a vacation." And out of all the places she chose, it was New York, you thought. She was holding a plastic container in her hand, inside, being some cake rolls.

"And...I wanted to talk to you." Ah. She chose it with the knowledge that you were here. Even better. You sighed softly, diverting your gaze to the concrete floor. It took everything in you to not simply walk away and not deal with this situation at all.

She bit her lip and swallowed down her nervous feelings, but it had no help as you look back at her. You still had that same gaze with her, full of softness. But it also had drops of sadness.

"How did you know where I was?" You asked. You haven't posted anything in ages, and Kate hasn't had you in a photo or video of her instagram story.

Wanda looks down for a moment, taking in a deep breath. You shifted your weight to your other leg, slipping your hand in your pockets.

"...You forgot to turn off your location," she revealed, not making eye contact with you for a moment. You, in the meanwhile, moved your head forward for a second and raised your eyebrows.

"What?" was all you simply said, blinking. That was far of what you expected from her. You would've thought maybe she heard from Carol, or something.

“You tracked me down?” You asked straightforwardly, and her eyes widened as she shook her head quickly, defending herself of the accusation.

“No! No, it’s not like that I…Your live location on our messages. I saw it, and you didn’t turn it off," she says, through small stutters and hand gestures. You only stared at her, trying to decipher the truth.

"But I didn't...follow you here like a stalker, I swear." She sighed, having hoped the conversation was going to start differently when she saw you.

"So you just happened to run into me?" Your shoulders went up slightly as you said your sentence, lost on how to make sense of the situation.

"It's not a lie," she said simply, and you couldn't have it in yourself to really trust her, though at this point, you didn't even care to know how she found you anymore.

You pressed your lips together, looking off to the streets. It went quiet for a moment, as if the heat of the flame that died months ago was sparking up again, and it definitely wasn't the light of love.

"I just...” She starts, running her hand through her hair for a moment as she gathered herself together to speak with you.

"I miss you. And I still love you." The words came out like a flowing river, but the second you heard the words, you were trying to hold your eyes from becoming a river themselves.

"Wanda, don't..." Your voice was quiet, teary almost. You had taken a small step back, and Wanda kept her eyes on you, hoping you weren't going to walk away all at once, leading to her losing you completely.

“I was wrong. I didn't—“ She tried continuing, her own eyes filling with tears, but you cut her off, shaking your head.

"You can't just say that." You had spiked back, and it was cutting her heart further, but its true. You didn't want to hear any more, yet she wanted to do the opposite. Wanda lowers her head guiltily, as if she was being scolded.

"I'm sorry..." She gazed down at the sidewalk, slowly losing her resolve. You didn't look at her at all, and it was obvious your heart might crumble if she continhed any further.

The open space was loud with unspoken words. And a car honking...and people's footsteps. You were in the middle of the street, it wasn't exactly the best place to have a conversation like this.

She had realized how precious you were to her only after you were gone. She was the one who had stopped giving, lost her will to keep it alive simply because she couldn't tell if her heart still wanted you.

"...But I do still care for you." She said, looking up at you once more, and you squeeze your eyes shut in frustration. You didn't want to hurt her, but there was no easy way to settle this down.

"We were happy. For four whole years, and you just decided to break it. You broke my heart, Wands." The nickname had come out so easily, only because you were on the verge of crying. You tone was nearly sharp and your volume was just a little loud. Some people passing by seemed to have turned their heads, and you noted to try and keep your calm. Wanda took a deep breath, her mind only acting on nothing but impulse.

"We were on a break." At that, you had to bite your tongue, your face losing any color it had left. The second she finished her sentence, she regretted it and she paused, completely shutting her mouth as she realized what she said.

You swallowed back some words, your mind going over just how much she had left you broken. Was that what that was? Could she have wanted a break so the two of you could process your feelings properly or just so she could have an excuse? Whatever happened to that girl she was with? Had she found out too, and broke it off with her?

"A break doesn't mean we weren't still together," you whispered shakily. The conversation was a mess, and you were sure you'll go into a downward spiral as soon as you get into Kate's apartment.

"Please, I swear I won't do it again, and if I could, I would change how everything happened. If there's anything I could do to fix it, I'll do it." You couldn't believe it. She was begging for you to take her back-- The silenced reply she had given you when you left.

"I am not having this conversation with you." You said, desperately needing to end this when you still could while she, needed you.

"I get it, but...it's over. I'm sorry." She was too late. It had been months before, where she left you lost and confused and now its been months after you had broken up.

Wanda went quiet, processing your words and how much you truly did not want her back anymore. You swore you saw her lip tremble for just a mere moment, and your heart ached at the sight.

She wanted so badly. So, so badly to keep in touch with you at least, but both of you knew it would only lead to bad news.

"Okay," she nods slowly, a small tear escaping the corner of her eye that she quickly wiped away, definitely not wanting to appear crying at the side of the street.

"I won't bother you anymore." She said sincerely and quietly. You clenched your jaw. It felt like a void altogether once again. Your heart pointed to her but your mind knew better.

"Goodbye, Wanda." You had to hold back a choked sob, slowly turning around to continue your path that was interrupted long ago.

"...Bye." She whispered under her breath, and you had just barely heard it from behind you, mixed with many other noises.

You kept walking forward, kept your hands in your pockets, trying your best to blink back your tears as you sniffled. You were sure your nose was red, and it wasn't from the freezing temperatures.

If you hadn't met the redhead you knew now, maybe you had considered going back to her. Maybe. But you couldn't bare to go through it again, the nights spent waiting for her to come home or when she would brush you off.

You don't remember how many times you've gone to Nat's apartment or met her anymore. But who's counting anyway? She didn't have any bad traits so far, so you wouldn't have a reason to stop. It's been months since the breakoff with Wanda, until she showed up again earlier.

You sighed and ran your hands over your face, finally arriving to the front of Kate's apartment. You went in, not greeted by the sound of clinking coming from a dog's collar but with the sight of Kate in the kitchen, making...brownies?

The golden retriever was napping, possibly getting bored of waiting for you to come back or was tired of watching over Kate, making sure she did the recipe right. And also interested, since she rarely ever did cook.

"Hey," Kate looked up from her mixture, hearing you open the door and close it, kicking your shoes off. Her eyes flickered from you and the bowl.

"Hey." You said simply and quietly back with a small wave of your hand, not wondering what she was doing, or barely even looking at her as you padded off to your room.

Odd. Kate watches you go with her eyebrows slowly furrowing in concern. She'll note to ask you about it later, for now counting it as maybe you having a bad day and needing space.

You gently shut the door behind you, resting your back and your head against it. Your breath quickly hitches and you gasp, a choked sob finally leaving your lips quietly as you closed your eyes.

You slid down against the door, curling up on the floor with your legs close to your body. It was no surprise you'd be here, having a mental breakdown when the sudden appearance of someone you thought you'd never see again happened.

Salty liquid ran down from your nose, mixing with your tears, and you try wiping it away with your hands, but it didn't give anything. It was all unending.

Tomorrow it was evening. You had fallen into bed messily last night and now you were still laid down in bed. Of course, you had treated yourself to your needed meals properly, with Kate gently scolding you and urging you to get out your room.

It was quiet as you mindlessly went through your phone, your body weak on the soft mattress that held you.

You were getting bored, that was for sure. Laying in bed being in a void for hours. You could watch a movie in the living room, cook...or go out and have some fresh air, but with what had happened yesterday, that was the last thing you wanted to do now.

Then an idea popped up in your head, and you thought it over. it wasn't the best idea, but to you, you had nothing better to do.

You were there again, in Nat's messages, opening it so you could type a sentence to her.

Hey, wanna hang out at a bar somewhere later?

You don't expect her to accept, and you almost don't want her to, knowing you'll probably only make yourself feel worse. But there's no turning back now.

Nat was surprised when she got the message, her eyebrows raising for a moment. You weren't always that bold to straight up ask to go out, but she was free, simply sitting at her desk with Liho in her lap as she sorted out some papers.

Sure.

She replied simply, not asking questions other than the planned time and where you'll meet, thinking you were simply wanting some fun.

She didn't know why she was still meeting you. She never liked to do...anything with anyone, yet you somehow caught her eyes. Maybe it was the fact you bumped into each other, but that help of hers with the umbrella was...intentional. She could have gone to any other person, but she saw you.

You got up and out of bed, getting the energy to go to your closet and picking out a set of clothes to wear.

Once you had changed, you made sure your phone and keys were in your pockets befoee you peek out your room. You find the space to be empty, and Kate's bedroom door closed. She was asleep, probably.

You went out the apartment quietly, making sure not even a creak was heard with how aware Lucky was of his surroundings.

Since your car was indeed...still at the airport way over in another state, you had to call a cab, getting it to bring you to the bar. The drive was short, but peaceful. There was light rain, enough to make it colder, but not necessary for an umbrella.

When you get out, you go to the entrance, seeing the brightly lit bar. Before going in, you looked around for a moment, seeing the sheen of shine from the rain on the street.

Then, there across from you in your vision, Nat comes out from another cab herself, fixing her signature leather jacket.

Her lips were painted red from her lipstick, and you couldn't help but stare at her appearance. When she saw you and walked closer, you blinked yourself out of staring.

"Hey, you good?" She asked, stepping in front of you, and you quickly nod, moving to let people in the bar and to go in yourself.

"Yeah. Yeah...lets go in," you said, going to go hold the door open for her. She hums and walks in with you, the bar instantly coming up with loads of noises of people talking, glasses clinking and being thudded against the wooden tables, and the tv hanging near the corner.

The two of you sat at the front bar, ordering some drinks so the night could start properly. You leaned against the wood, the seat being surprisingly comfortable as you turned to look at her.

"You look stunning tonight, you know," you said in a whisper, but she heard it, her cheeks hinting the smallest blush. Your eyes went over how the lighting portrayed her, illuminating her features perfectly.

"Thank you. You're not too far yourself." She replied. You weren't too far at all actually. It was hard for her to pull her eyes away from you, too.

When the bartender slides your drinks to you both, you grab the glass, starting to drink it while she took a few sips, her gaze locked on you.

You stifled a sigh for a moment. Your mind was still stuck on yesterday, and you have someone right next to you you could share your troubles to.

But her? You couldn't. You wouldn't. Especially with it being about your ex. And you couldn't deny this was simply a getaway to escape, how much you wanted to distract yourself from thinking about her at all, wondering how she was doing.

The two of you had your fun, getting to know each other better with small laughs and stares that lasted longer than whenever you were sober. Your insides were completely and utterly intoxicated by the drinks, getting caught up in the moment.

As the night progressed with the moon high in the sky, she couldn't help but notice how many drinks you started to grab, your words slowly starting to slur further and further in time.

"And that's enough for you," just as your glass brushed against your lips, she gently took it out your hands, your skin brushing just slightly, but you couldn't focus on that at the moment when you get surprised.

"Wha- No..." You said softly, disappointment evident in your voice as you tried to reach back for the drink, the glass still being half full, but she pulled it back.

"Mm-mm. You're already wasted," she shook her head, putting the drink down, but still out of reach from you. You pouted, your shoulders slumping, and she fought herself back from smiling, but at the same time she was concerned of your wellbeing.

Nat turns to the bartender, "Put it on my tab," she said, then pushed herself off the seat to stand and gently wrap her arm around your body, pulling you along with her so she could get out of the bar.

Before she could get to the door though, someone comes up close to you, saying, "What's someone like you doin' here?"

You scrunched your face in disgust. Even though you were very much drunk, you were aware enough to move backwards from them.

"Back off," she growled, pulling you closer to her by your waist as she gave them a deathening glare. Her grip was tight, protective, and almost possessive.

"Alright, I didn't do nothin'." The person puts their hands up and stepped back, retreating to their own place when they realized you were definitely not alone. Nat rolled her eyes and continued to get you out the bar.

With relief, she lets out a breath, the two of you stepping onto the cold sidewalks once more. The rain had disappeared, but the aftermath definitely had it being colder.

Nat grabs her phone out from her pocket, thinking to maybe call your friend Kate. She could get a cab for both of you, either sending you home safely or helping you get to her apartment.

But, when she sees your flushed face that was doozy with the toxins running in you, and the littlest of touches you give her or how you leaned to her body, she knew she couldn't trust herself to resist from you just yet. At least, from a kiss. Or anything she couldn't bare to imagine. Sure, she was far more sober than you, but she has had a couple drinks herself.

When she searches her contacts, she realizes she doesn't have Kate's number saved. Damn it. But just as she was about to give up and grab the cab, she hears your phone ringing with a call from your pocket.

You were drunkenly surprised, reaching in to grab your phone and flimsily holding it. She purses her lips and reached out to grab it from you, knowing you definitely won't have a conversation, much less, on the phone well, but also it nearly slipped out of your hands.

"Hey--" Your eyebrows furrowed and you looked at her with yet another pout. Nat's heart melted, but she shushed you gently, putting up a finger to stop you from protesting.

Then, she looks at the screen, a sigh softly leaving her lips once more in relief, seeing it was Kate. She picks it up, putting it to her ear as she held you.

"Hello? Y/N?" Kate's voice came through the phone, sounding worried. You did leave her without her knowledge and didn't leave a note, but Nat didn't know that.

"Hey, it's Nat," she said naturally, making it clear it wasn't you or a stranger talking so she wasn't confused.

"Oh. O-Oh-- Sorry, am I interrupting something...?" Kate stuttered, and Nat's face heated up when she realized what Kate might be assuming, but she had enough courage in her to reply.

"No, no. We're at a bar. Um, do you think you can...come pick them up? I didn't bring my car," she said, hoping to everything Kate would say yes, as a good friend would.

"A bar? Okay, yeah, I'll...I'll be there." Nat heard keys rattling and movement, and nodded being reassured that you'll be safe home later.

"Thank you," was all she said before pulling the phone away from her ear and ending the call. Just as she did, she saw you were walking along the patterned tiles of the sidewalk, making sure your feet were in the squares and not hitting lines. It was a silly sight to say the least.

Well, that was, until you had almost slipped and fell, but her eyes widened and she quickly went forward to capture you, holding you up.

"Okay, you'll be alright, любов (love)," she said, accidentally spilling out a russian nickname from her lips, and you looked at her weirdly, awfully confused.

"You're talking funny," your words come out slurred and with a laugh, but it was understandable enough. She lets out a nearly nervous chuckle as you pointed at her with your finger.

"Am I? I think you're just drunk." She said, trying to play it off while at the same time keeping ahold of you, making sure you don't fall from your drunken state.

"No, you are. Or were..." you whispered gently, and in a way it made her heartbeat falter for a second. If only you weren't so vulnerable at the moment. She'd have confessed right then and there.

Kate's car soon pulls up to the side of the road, and not long after she arrives, her door opens and she gets out. Both you and Nat watched, your bodies visibly shuddering and trembling slightly from the coolness of the night.

"Hey, sorry if I took a while, is everything alright?" Kate said, her voice quick, and in just a bit of a panic. She knew just as much as the redhead did, but she was more worried, knowing you've had the brightest days with Nat as of late.

"Yeah, they've just...drunk a little too much." Nat purses her lips, patting your back lightly. She was concerned. Perhaps you just got stuck in the haze or just wanted to have some fun, but, even so, she wouldn't have drunk that much alcohol unless she was having a bad day.

Kate nods, going closer so she could grab ahold of you gently, starting to get you to her car. "Thank you for taking care of them," she said, looking over her shoulder as you sat in the passenger seat.

"No problem. Just get them home safe," her voice was husky, different than what Kate had thought, and she was definitely as pretty as you had made her out to be.

"I will," she reassured Nat, closing your car door and then going off to the driver's seat. Nat watched as the car started to move, her eyebrows pressured down on her eyes as her heart beated with concern for you.

As long as you were safe.

The drive home was quiet, Kate glancing over to you every now and then and seeing you doing a "whoa" to the streetlights passing by. Yup. You were going to be miserable in the morning.

When you arrive, she helps you out and into her apartment, her heart skipping beats every now and then whenever you would nearly slip from being so drunk. You were worrying the hell out of the woman, thats for sure.

"Gosh, Y/N, you need to control yourself a little," she murmured, laying you in bed, yet you fell against the sheets, parts of your body all over the place with your hair.

"I can't." You breathed out. Kate's concern was etched onto her features, rising in level. You got more comfortable, but it was barely any movement. The raven haired girl kneels down beside you, trying to find a reason as to your sudden change in behaviour since yesterday.

"Wanda..." You slurred her name, and instantly, Kate's face scrunched up in confusion and shock at the sudden mention, her eyes widening.

"What?" She asked, making sure she wasn't hearing things. If she didn't, maybe it was the alcohol, making your mind spin in unbelievable ways.

"Wanda...saw me in the streets and talked to me," you said slowly, your eyes slowly faltering with being able to keep themselves open. Kate took in the new information with high awareness.

"What did she want?" She asked, but you were dozily falling asleep already, and if she didn't get this out from you, you might never share it.

"Hey, what did she want?" she repeated, gently tapping your cheek with her palm. That roused you awake once more with a hum, but barely in a half awake state.

"To...to getmeback..." your words slurred, mumbled sleepily in a breath before you closed your eyes once more, Kate was taking a deep breath in the meanwhile.

"Oookay, now go back to sleep. You're...not looking too great, Y/N," she said, patting your shoulder before pulling away and standing up. But you had already fallen asleep, gentle snores coming from you.

She stared at you, seeing how small you looked. Then, she pulled up the covers to warm you up, having seen the small shivers on your skin before sighing softly.

What was she going to do with you?

end of chapter 10. <3

Series Masterlist <- Chapter 9 Chapter 11 ->

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I love you.

| W.M -> N.R

Undeserving of a Love Like Yours, Chapter 12

Chapter Warnings: None, I don't think

Summary: The day you chose a path for yourself was the day she also made her very own choice, and the weight of the world was lifted without any more time wasted.

Series Summary: When you're stuck in a complete hole of confusion and hurt with the one you thought you loved most, a certain redhead finds her way into your life.

Word Count: 3.6k

Category: Hurt/Comfort(?), Fluff, Fluff, and FLUFF!! oh, did I say...? Fluff.

A/N: idk if the beginning is lame? but I really hope it isn't - In compensation of all the angst and finally, to put an end to this series, I give you, the last chapter. It's been an incredibly fun adventure :] this might be the most tender chapter (or fic) I've written yet. I hope all of you enjoyed it as much as I have and I'm really really happy at the amount of support I see some of you give me. ily ily all<3 I'm back in my groove HEHEH!!!

P.S: this is better with reputation on or the series playlist. ;] (specifically starting at fortnight or anywhere at the bottom)

Series Playlist

| Started on 31/03/2024, 8:16 AM |

| Finished on 13/05/2024, 4:15 PM |

Masterlist | Series Masterlist | N.R Masterlist

<- Chapter 11

"I'll end the torture I put on myself...and the one you put on yourself, because no one ever deserves such a thing but love."

(I will never not love that picture of her<3)

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The rain earlier sheened the streets with gleams of reflections. The lampposts glowed in a warm orange. It was cold, but in the most cozy way. At least, if you were under a blanket. Right now, your body was shivering and your hands might soon go numb if you stayed outside any longer.

Windows of shops were bright with light, bars were dim with crowds of people, and a creak of a door from an old aged store thats always been there, ever since you first visited Kate.

There was a group of people, laughing heartily from a joke as you walked by. They seemed kind. On the other side of the street was two people, a couple perhaps, smiling gently as they shared a small cake, enjoying theirselves. Another, was walking hand in hand.

You sighed, keeping your hands in the pockets of your jacket in the meanwhile. At least it was some type of warmth. It may not be another hand, but your jacket was your friend.

The apartment ridded your bodily shivers, but your fingers were definitely entirely numb and redder than usual as you closed the door. Meanwhile, golden fur brushed against your legs and just barely appeared in your vision below you.

Leaning down, you smiled softly, scratching Lucky behind his ears before kicking your shoes off and moving to sit on the couch. Or rather, slightly fall atop it. You closed your face with both your hands. All this silence, pining and desperately waiting was driving you crazy.

Lucky had laid down next to you, looking at you adorably with his one eye. Your body was lazily laid down, but you shifted to hug his cuddly figure, him instantly snuggling into the embrace.

You stayed like that for a while, and he didn't move at all until you pulled away, sliding your phone out from your pockets. The time showed on the front screen, with a wallpaper of you and Nat at the aquarium.

The urge you had to change it to something else. But you couldn't-- it was too precious. You sat up, then moved to stand, finding your contacts app.

Yes, you might also throw up soon if you stared at your contacts any more than you already have the past few months, but this was something that had to be done.

The room was quiet as you paced the floor, your feet padding against the wood quietly. A notification came in that had you flickering your eyes to your phone again, but it was just an indication of Kate adding to her Instagram story.

Checking, it was just a video of her showing off her archery skills and having fun with her friends from class. Well, while she was out having fun, you were dying with a decision you had to make.

...You shouldn't think like that. In fact, you were happy she was much happier than how you felt. Ah, who are you kidding? You shouldn't even think about it at all. Your screen went back to your list of contact names.

The one at the bottom you've been dreading to even lay your eyes upon appears into view. You didn't text or call her. Instead, you went into the detail view.

A button with red text held itself in place. Red was danger. Sure. It meant it was a risk and it needed you to go through a confirmation step first. But for you it was the opposite.

Block this contact?

Are you sure?

Finally after a moment of hesitation, you tap on 'Yes', and the name disappears. You had stopped your pacing long ago and now you stood in the middle of the living room, contemplating the option you chose. Just like that.

You had made your decision. It was time to let go a while ago. But something held you back. At least until the redhead came along, gently making herself at home within your heart.

Lucky stared at you as your shoulders went down, and you couldn't tell if it was in despair or relief. Maybe both. Asking her the question that shouldn't have been asked.

You shouldn't have done such a thing. You had messed up. A whole lot. Now you had nothing but yourself. Why did you even dare to?-- because you wouldn't want to get yourself stuck in something you feared would take yet another year's time to heal from.

Realisations after realisations were overcoming your head like a crow cawing at you to snap back into reality. Maybe a walk by yourself without interruptions did the trick after all.

You shook your head, going back to the couch, taking a seat that you definitely needed with everything happening. She's all thats been filling up your memories lately. So much, to the point that her hand prints were all over your soul.

You should call her up, but what if she hates you now? Considering the disappointment you've gotten before on a phone call, you had doubt poisoning all over your veins.

A sigh left your mouth for the hundreth time and you put your phone on the couch, setting it aside. You needed time, and she probably did too. Plus, if you continued any more, having just gotten over a single step of blocking a contact, you might as well faint if you even look at your messages with Nat.

Lucky rested his head on your leg, looking up at you knowingly as he felt your tiredness. Your hand settles on his fur, going through it gently.

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Nat was staring at her phone as she walked outside, her teeth sunk into her lower lip. She's been pacing in front of her apartment, having just finished drinking some hot coffee at a nearby shop. She thought it would calm her, especially with the rain earlier and the cold night air.

But, it only made her energized, her mind going more aware. As coffee is supposed to do. Really, she should have just gotten tea or a hot chocolate and maybe she would have been fine.

She's been looking at your text messages, ones thats been sent days ago now. Neither of you had talked in so long. Or at least to her, it felt like centuries, ages. She hoped desperately to magically see a text appear from you of saying something, or perhaps that you'll appear at her apartment.

But there was nothing. It was a fault of two sides, neither was really in the wrong, but if neither said anything, it'll simply slowly die.

She felt your distance, and she knew your mind was possibly getting just as loud as hers was. She had to do something, and fast, or the negative possibilities of whatever could happen would become reality.

Her legs started walking continuously forward rather than pacing, deciding to go towards the apartment you were at. She stored her phone in her pocket, determined to get to you rather than let it sit any longer.

She could never possibly hate you. She wouldn't even if she could. The moon and stars had disappeared, the clouds having covered it up. She didn't need their company, anyway. But the rain did come along to be her company.

Great. It was heavy, and people outside retreated to nearby shops and restaurant. She didn't follow them. Thank god for her jacket, but it was still all the more freezing cold.

Her walking slowly speeds up. Then, the splashing of boots running across the sidewalk sounded out through the streets.

Red car lights were in the reflections of the road, blurred from the rain water. A horn sounded out somewhere, probably for a stubborn person looking at their phone as they sat at a stop light. But she couldn't bother to see what it was at all.

The redhead, getting hit by the rain from every angle as she pants, almost out of breath from all the steps she's taken. If the sole of her feet wasn't firm on the concrete, she probably would have slipped.

But, she gets closer with obstacles and needing to find her way through people before she soon arrives. She takes a couple deep breaths after breathing through gasps, her lungs absolutely getting a work-out from the running.

Nat swallows down the burn in her throat, slowly recollecting herself and standing up straighter. When she looks up at the windows of the apartment, the lights are on.

It means you're here.

You're home.

Nat walks close to the door, a little calmer now and her hand goes up hesitantly.

She knocks on the door, but an answer awaits for far too long. Too many seconds.

She looks at the doorbell button.

She presses it.

A ringing that goes through the house can be faintly heard, before some gentle footsteps grow louder, nearing towards the front door.

It opens, and she sees you.

You were blown away by the sight in front of you. Almost quite literally from how windy it was outside, too. Nat, drenched in the rain, and out of breath as if she ran all the way here, because she did. You were definitely going to faint now from the sudden appearance.

Yet, at the realization of the sight in front of you, the two of you having just stared at each other, your face instantly fills with worry and concern. "Gosh, Nat, what are you--"

"I love you!" she blurted out, cutting you off in your sentence. Her voice was determined as she stared at you in such a vulnerable way, her eyes wandering your face to see your emotions.

You stood there, as she kept getting drenched from the rain. She thought she lost it all because you had shock visible in your eyes. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe she shouldn't have-- But your gaze softened, and you stepped back slightly to let her in.

She steps in, a confused and curious expression on her face at your silence, but she lets you close the door before watching you turn around.

You went closer, your hands going to cup her cheeks as you leaned in until your lips softly touched. She had met you halfway, her own hands instinctively landing on your hips. Finally.

You could feel the cold rain on her lips before you pulled away slowly, but resting your forehead against hers, her breath warm against your skin.

"I love you, too," you whispered, but from how close you were to her, you didn't need to be any louder. Her heart had skipped a beat, and her lips raised up, absolutely in joy of your reply.

"We've switched roles...except you got the worse part," you let out a chuckle, tugging on the soaked jacket she was wearing that did nothing to protect her from the cold, until your eyes landed on her soft forest green eyes.

She gave you a soft smile, but her body shivered. Her boots were practically filled up with water, and the water dripped to the floor, but you didn't mind.

"Let's get you dried up," you said, going off to your bedroom to grab some towels for her. "Um--" She stood there for a moment, wondering if she should follow you or not.

"You can use my bathroom, come on." You urged her as you draped a towel over heer shoulders and went behind her to gently push her forward.

Her cheeks blush a pink tint, but she walks forward, going into your bedroom. As you were grabbing her some clothes, she took off her jacket, and pulled out her phone.

"Oh--" she pulled out the cassette player she brought from her apartment, pulling it out from her bag and placing it on your bed gently. Thankfully, it was dry and didn't get hit by the rain.

"I...fixed this up. It wasn't the belt. I mean, I replaced it anyway, but some parts had dirt covering them," she said, looking up to you as you walked back to her with a shirt and sweatpants in hand. You raised your eyebrows, intrigued at how she did it herself when you forgot.

It looked like it was brand new, shining brightly with the dim light with you inspecting it. You then went to grab a cassette tape from your shelves and your headphones to plug in, then you test it.

She had unfolded the t-shirt you got in the meanwhile, keeping herself occupied instead of just watching you. She held it up to her frame, seeing that it was just about the same size as hers.

You smiled softly, listening to the music and looking at her. "This sounds...amazing. You did good work in this." At that, her face lit up, and her smile reflected yours.

"Thank you," she said gently, putting the t-shirt back on the bed to wear later, her hands settling on the towel on her shoulder that kept her warm, even if its just a little.

"Now go, take a warm shower before you freeze to death or something." You gestured to the bathroom door, and she quietly giggled as she turned around, going off to shower.

Your gaze was adoring as you watched her go, then you went back to looking at the cassette player, shaking your head at the incredible handiwork she had.

Then, noticing the curtains of the apartment were still open while outside it was nighttime, you decide to go forward and close them, putting the cassette player down with your headphones. Of course, making sure you paused it rather than letting the music playing on its own.

Once done with the bedroom curtains, you gently shut the door on your way out to the living room, letting Nat have her privacy as you close the rest of the curtains.

One view of the windows though, had caught your attention. It was the larger window Kate had in her apartment, so it showed a perfect view of the sky and the city.

The night was starry now, the rain having settled down and the clouds dissipating. As you stood there admiring the moon and trying to figure out which white dot was a star and which one was a planet, Nat had come out the bedroom, wearing the clothes you gave her.

She stands beside you, gazing up and following the direction of your eyes. Nearly all the planets were shining in the sky, surprisingly enough.

Her hand gently intertwined with yours and her eyes fall back to you, a soft smile gracing her lips. Feeling the warmth of her hand had you turning to look at her, heat rising to your cheeks.

"Ты галактика (Ty galaktika)," she whispered, her free hand going up to gently cup your cheek, her love genuine in her eyes. You smiled softly, your heart jumping in joy.

"Does that mean galaxy?" You guessed gently and curiously, finally getting the chance to ask of one of her sentences you couldn't recognize.

She nodded gently, and then realized you still didn't know the full meaning. "It means you're the galaxy." She whispered, making your eyes widen and your lips part in surprise at the deep meaning, having thought it only meant one word.

You breathed out a chuckle before leaning in to gently capture her lips in a tender kiss, as if it was on instinct, a habit you had already developed naturally, when you haven't kissed each other ever since the first, or even seen each other in days.

But oh, you were depths upon depths in love with her. She returned the kiss, pouring her heart and soul into it, and your bodies fit each other like puzzle pieces.

Considering you were slowly moving towards your bedroom, you reached to the living room lamp when you were close enough, turning it off, knowing you wouldn't be going back into the room and Kate wasn't going to be home until tomorrow. Something about staying at her mom's? You didn't know, but you couldn't be bothered when your fingers entangled in red hair.

When the darkness grew, so did your passion. After a while though, you parted, pausing for a moment with your forehead rested against hers. You breathed in through the space between the two of you, your breaths colliding on skin and mixing.

"Does this make us..." You start in a whisper, but trail off, hesitant to say the word. The corners of her lips tug up in the meanwhile. It was time, and she was ready to jump into it with you.

"Lovers?" She suggests slowly, feeling your hand on her chest that rose and fell with her shallow breathing. You nod to her question, confirming that was what you wanted to say.

"Yes." She breathed out before her lips leaned in and continued to meet yours softly, her hand traveling from your waist up to your back. For the moment, the world only held the two of you.

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You now laid against Nat comfortably on the bed, sitting in the dim lighting as the crickets quietly chirped in the background. You nuzzled into her neck for a moment as you wrapped your arms around her shoulders.

She gently rubbed her hand up and down your back, resting her cheek gently against the side of your head. You then turn your face out from the crook of her neck, looking up at the redhead.

Natasha smiled softly, her eyes meeting yours as she gazed into your loving eyes. She couldn't help but feel a sense of peace and happiness wash over her with someone, for the first time.

You shifted yourself by firmly gripping her shoulders and pushed yourself up, your legs on the sides of her hips as your hands went to cup both her cheeks.

"You're so pretty." You whisper softly, your thumb gently rubbing her soft skin as she stared at you, her smile growing wider.

"And you're..." She wanted to return the compliment, but paused, unable to find one that was completely perfect for you, because you were simply too gorgeous.

"ты красивая (ty krasivaya)," she then said, and you raise your eyebrows, but your heart was still beating with love for her, knowing it definitely meant something that was going to make you fall for her further.

"...What does that mean?" You asked, tilting your head in curiosity. She giggled softly, noticing that you looked like Liho whenever she got curious.

"It means you're beautiful, моя любовь (moya lyubov)." She leaned in closer, keeping her eyes on yours. You loved how smoothly it comes from her lips.

"And that?" you ask. Even though you could guess, you wanted to make sure, and to hear her translate it into English for you only made you fall deeper for her.

She blushes slightly, but replies nonetheless. "My love," she whispers, shaking her head. She nuzzles her nose against yours when she leaned in closer, making you giggle softly.

"I love you," you said under your breath, feeling her hair gently tickle your fingers as you still had your hand cupped on her cheeks.

"I love you, too," she replies, going in for yet another kiss. You moved your hands down, wrapping around her neck once more.

Your heart was soft and your shoulders held little to no weight at all on them as you lay in this moment with her. It was as if nothing could lay a finger on either of you. You then pull back slightly, staring into her eyes.

"You know, your eyes are so green," you whispered softly, even though you've stared into them a thousand times. She blushes, but smiles.

"I can listen to your compliments all night if thats what you want," she commented, her voice raspy yet gentle. Her hand had gone under your shirt gently to trace gentle patterns on the skin of your back.

"I would very much love that," you said through another giggle, leaning ever so closer to her. You placed your hand on her chest, her heartbeat thumping against your palm as you settle beside her.

Nat pulls the covers up gently up the two of you, making sure you were warm and comfortable. Every touch of her hands held care and gentleness, making your heart swell.

She trails her hand off to your cheek, gently placing it on there. Your eyes flicker down to it, and you lean into her touch, smiling. She rubs her thumb in a slow back and forth motion.

Your eyelids slowly fell to a close, the gentle motion soothing you to sleep. The broken pieces of your shattered heart had been picked up, and she was careful enough to put it all back together.

end of chapter 12, and the end of this series. <3

Series Masterlist <- Chapter 11

In decision you'll hone, but you too shall run from the option you were given. Then find acceptance and it will be forsaken.

"All the things I didn't do for the sake of my mind." - R.

"All the things I shouldn't have done, but did anyway." - N.R

"...Everything I should have done." - W.M

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taglist <3 - join here! :]

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But I can see us lost in the memory

finishing up with writing the finale of the series!! I have some taylor fics possibly in hand too :]

so like when you when yes meeting a swiftie in public and being happy and ohvmylord