Happy New Year Neil Josten

happy new year neil josten

scene redraw from the first few pages of tkm 🫶

i keep thinking i’ve hit rock bottom until i find out there’s a deeper pit to fall into. its like im constantly falling in a giant, deep, dark pit and i dont know where the end of it is. i dont know if i’ll ever get out. i dont know if i’ll ever stop falling.

People talk about wanting to recover so that they can re-gain their old selves, their old passions, their old interests

What do you do when you don't have an old self to go back to and re-gain? There wasn't a 'me' before mental illness or if there was I don't remember them

When you start struggling with your mental health at a young age, it becomes all that you know and your identity can become distorted around it

Now I'm an adult who has no idea what they like, what they enjoy or even how to comfort themselves

What am I supposed to do with myself and how am I supposed to find reasons to recover when it feels like drowning is all I know?

hey you.

yeah you.

it’s okay to cry, it means you’re feeling.

It means you’re alive.

I feel like dying disappearing hurting myself running away from everything crying my eyes out yelling from the top of my lungs forgetting everyone becoming a ghost leaving everything behind never existing again punching myself until I learn my lesson never speaking again falling from the top of a building crying to my mother for not turning me into an abortion

But I'm here, at my desk, numb heart, blank face.

Forced to keep on living.

And tomorrow I'll wake up again.

Unfortunately.