In Another Life

in another life

pairing: reader x jungkook

genre : pure fucking angst

short story !

lowercase intended

warnings: idk really, unrequited love? if that truly is a warning.

a/n : this is my first Tumblr writing post ever ! I really love angst because self torture is the only comfort I seek LMAOOOOOO I kid ( maybe ) but anyway I hope you like it ?

it smells like rain outside . the steel poles of the balcony covered in droplets. the concrete floor has a clear sheen to it, and the air feels sharp in your lungs as you inhale. your tights, feel a tad itch on your upper thighs and your dress soft against your skin . the moon isn't yet full but still visible, and there's a dull thud of bass running through your chest from the music inside .

it's beautiful, you think. to be standing here experiencing the world at that given moment in time, and you can't help but wonder how another individual may be experiencing that exact moment . has something life changing happened to them ? are they surrounded by the ones they love or somewhere alone on a balcony in the middle of the city just like you ?a shared experience.

you hear the creak of the sliding down and turn your head to see a map of hair duck down to step outside . once in you instantly connect who that head of hair belongs to accompanied by piercings and a soft smile . long strides taken to where you stand , he places himself next to you , leaning against the railing, and he moves his eyes to the exact spot you're looking at .

" the moon really is beautiful in all of its phases " you can't help but smile at that because he was right , there was something about the incompleteness of how it looked tonight that felt so comforting to you , " why don't you come inside we're about to sing happy birthday to jin? " you didn't mean to step out mid party, but you felt that you needed some fresh air . everything felt a little too much at that moment, but now it feels a bit too much all over again, but that may be because the source of that overwhelming feeling has placed itself next to you.

you take this moment to turn to look at him , with his all black attire and messy hair . he looks so beautiful in the dim lighting and frosty air . he's erethral you think . absolutely stunning . god how you wished you thought about yourself a fraction of how you thought about him .

" you're beautiful, you know" you had to say it . you had to say this and whatever was to come next . you don't know if it was too much of the wine you drank or the feeling of being here but you had to tell him this .

" that wine really got to you , didn't it ? " he laughs lightly , a soft smile playing on his features , " you're beautiful too , you know ?" he responds and your heart falters at that , a small smile on your lips you place your hand against his cheek feeling the warmth or his skin meeting the palm of your hand .

" I wish I was enough for you , jungkook " his smile drops from his lips at that , tears bringing at your waterline.

" I don't understand I-"

" I imagine sometimes I am . I imagine sometimes you loved me the way I love you " a small tear falls and you let it. you need to say this .

" I know you know , jungkook . there is no way you don't but I also know how you hate having to let people down thats why you haven't brought it up but you can't keep doing this to me and I can't keep doing this to myself " you've tried to rehearse this in your bedroom countless times .

you've felt angry and heartbroken after understanding what you now understand. you've heard about loving someone who doesn't love you back . you've watched it in movies and read it between the pages of books . people you know have told you stories about it, but none of those examples could have prepared you for it .

" I hope you find someone to love one day , jungkook and that they love you just as much because I know you have so much love to give " you can feel your tears drip down you chin leaving a stain on your green satin material . he looks at you with such a pitiful look you feel that you might die.

" and you will find someone as well , I'm so sorry you wasted your love on me when it could have gone to someone who deserved it more than I ever will " just hearing him say that makes you want to succumb to the floor in sobs . you can feel the own shards of your broken heart puncture your lungs, making it hard to breathe a solid breath, but you try to steady yourself.

" you deserved the love I tried to give you , even if you didn't accept it the way I thought you would because jungkook ?"

" yes ?"

" I know that I will fall in love with you in every life time after this but I can't say the same for you. I hope that in at least one of those life times you'll love me back so that my soul could find peace in turmoil "

ya'll lmaoo I said before i really want to write a fanfic with an actual FAT main character, right ? Because I feel like there is no representation of fat characters in BTS fanfics😭there are a few but emphasis on a FEW BITCH 😭😭. The thing is I don't want to just put the same ol things centered around being fat but I also want to write the experience so ya'll I'm a bit lost but I have like a first draft ?? idk how I feel about it though 😭😭😭😭😭.

My father spoke about a man he's worked with for years and I shared that he made a comment directed towards me about two years ago that made me extremely uncomfortable. Two other males of my family were there, and as soon as I divulged the information, I was met with laughs. I never told anyone about the comment because. My sister commented that it was not funny and they tried to play it off . I sat in silence . I kept wondering if maybe I was being too sensitive. I've been accused of sensitivity my whole life . I don't know why but the laughter keeps ringing in my ears. I cried in back seat on my way home.

if I ever had a second chance at life , I hope I won't be hard to love .

Im so fucking close to writing a BTS fanfic story with plus size character and an ACTUAL plus size character not just someone with ' curves ' bc I stg the lack of such a narrative makes me so fucking frustrated when I know there are so many who wish to see themselves represented. GIVE ME THE GREEN LIGHT AND I WILL DO IT .