*the Bussy Agrees And Takes Cash, Credit, Or Snacky Snacks*

*the bussy agrees and takes cash, credit, or snacky snacks*

Due to personal reasons I’d like to be nutted in

This is a great post, especially for us disabled lovelies. Frankly, not enough people, able-bodied cis men from my experience, understand this. Breaks during sex is sex itself. Sex isn't only about penetration, though whichever holes that may be is completely valid!

For those of us who have survived multiple sexual traumas, dissociation is a fight that takes up so much energy between our nervous system coming online to protect us from further "harm" in the moment, despite the moment being safe to our logical reasoning or understanding.

Logic rarely works on calming the nervous system when it's our amygdala running the show instead of our frontal lobes or whatever other parts of our brains which induce calmness and pleasure.

Personally, having PTSD, long COVID, fibromyalgia, sleep apnea, depression, anxiety, nerve dysfunction, limited mobility without assistive devices, these disabilities and more are often isolating too in an inherently ableist/eugenic society like the United States. Peppering that in with queerness and living in a state with the poorest health, economic, education, and governance outcomes, often anything pleasurable like sex brings distress when your whole day in life is trying to keep calm in a system that needs you to be so close to death's door and never enough to have either communal or self actualization.

Between and throughout the fun poking in the sheets, being held is everything to me.

You have a complex relationship with your body and need to keep some/all of your clothes on during sex?

That's okay, what you're wearing looks good on you.

You need to take a lot of breaks doing anything intimate because you're easily overwhelmed?

I understand, I'm just happy to be here with you.

You're on medication that impacts your libido/makes reaching orgasm really difficult?

No pressure, tell me what feels good for you, and if you get frustrated we can do something else together.

Sex isn't going to look the same for everybody and that's fine, that's normal.

Sometimes you don't orgasm, sometimes you need to stop because your mood changes out of nowhere, sometimes you get really self conscious and need accommodations to take your mind off of it.

People are too complex for everybody to go about it the same, just keep doing what feels best for you, regardless of how different it may seem from other people's experiences.

Doctor Beverly Crusher @SpaceDocMom Disabled and chronically ill folks in your era are more likely to recognise your pandemic is *still* not over not just because they're the most vulnerable to it but because they know that wishing and pretending medical problems away never works. emojis: black heart, blue heart, masked x5, spoon 1:14 PM · Jun 26, 2024

x.com/SpaceDocMom/status/1805937635627618354

able bodied people shut the fuck up challenge (impossible)

normalize my 12th grade English teacher, who admitted that his favorite TV show was Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and when a male student suggested that it was because Buffy/Sarah Michelle Gellar was hot, wrinkled his face like he’d bitten into something rotten and dead, and said, “At my age (he was 53), there is nothing less sexy than a teenager. You’re all disgusting messes.” It was 1999, I was 17, and I’d grown up in conservative Christian schools and churches. In my life I’d heard heard dozens of sermons from male preachers and teachers and even some older students, whining about how hard it was to be a dude and not commit the sin of thinking sexual thoughts, and how they needed women to wear long skirts and cover their bodies to not objectify them

and my bitter, misanthropic, atheist Brit Lit teacher, who hated my class because he was obsessed with teaching Tom Sawyer but got stuck with Shakespeare and Jane Austen, was the first, and this day the last man I have ever heard articulate a rebuttal from the depths of his soul to the idea that it was normal for teenage girls to be desirable to middle aged men

this is the safety of feeling wholeness with what I need to engage with any partner or partners, at least at this point.

an accurate definition of wholeness means integration, or an autonomic calmness within the nervous system that do not conjure up upward the guarded and layer parts developed to conceal me from past traumatic experiences.

let’s say that sëxüally we’re together, we’ve each talked, we find that we’re comfortable going there, and then something triggers the nervous system at least to a freeze, the care that OP mentions really helps those of us who have survived any trauma—multiple instances, personally.

for anyone who lives in oppressive conditions with active hostility and violent hate done to you, it’s understandable to feel as if we’re fish in an ocean. however, the murkiness and fog which protects us diffuses the reality that we are fish in a small pond that many share to create the volume to that of at least a gulf.

respect is key, consent is key, our joy is key, even if we haven’t yet had these deadbolts unlocked. believe in yet.

um . sweet gentle sex where they take care to not hurt you on days when you're already hurting. slow soft sex where they help to support your joints. light touches and massages over the places that ache. a sole focus on making you feel good when you don't feel good. no pressure no expectations just kind connection