Cptsd - Tumblr Posts
I shouldn’t have to worry that my mother is going to còmmıt șùıcde just because I hurt her feelings when I enforced healthy boundaries. Objectively, I know that’s true, that her emotions and what she does with them are not my responsibility. But when a child grows up parenting a parent who was never parent, this is where we end up, feeling guilty for our parent’s emotions when they created the problem to begin with and we are here because they fail to take responsibility and instead put it on their children.
Fungi - Kilgast, Johnston, and MoonCrane
Holy shit this is why I feel a m a z i n g any time I’ve been prescribed corticosteroids
big fan of characters who have it all under control when theyre put in situations but no idea how to be like a regular guy doing regular stuff when all is said and done.
You think attention is love and that’s why you suffer so deeply.
Murderbot and Trauma Portrayal
I've been thinking about Murderbot and trauma recently. Murderbot is able to shut down memories of the things that traumatised it really well. Especially with the extra stuff that us squishy humans don't have like computerish brains. But despite the ability to shut thoughts down its actual body retains the memory of the trauma and keeps lowering its performance rating even when it is Not Remembering.
Just as somebody who has to deal with trauma flashbacks, its so accurate to what I do. Because one way a mind learns to deal with trauma, is to just shut it down, such as intentional or unintentional forgetting. But that doesn't get rid of the trauma. Because trauma lives in the body, and the body remembers even when the mind does not.
Because you can't escape trauma by running from it, at least not totally. You can do it to survive, but its never going to go away by doing that, it'll always just be lurking, lowering your performance rating.
My goal in every creative writing assessment is to make the markers sob and wish they never set the damn thing.
I think I've reached half of that goal.
Considering, my teacher mentioned in passing that he teared up reading it and that he wanted to make sure I had spoken to a professional about the subject of the poetry submitted.
I reminded him it was all imaginative (a lie), to which he pulled me aside to say that no one writes about those kinds of things with that amount of emotion without personal experience.
Why do you say medically recognized system rather than diagnosed?
Good question; it boils down to how we access our therapy.
New Zealand has a recovery program covered by ACC (accident compensation corporation) for all New Zealanders that have experienced sexual assault within the country. To qualify, an individual must meet the criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder (PSTD) related to the sexual assault event/s. If they reach the diagnostic criteria for PSTD, the assessor/s will submit a recommendation for long term support, which in our case was approved. From there, individuals find a support person, councillor/therapist/psychologist, or whatever works for them, and their support person will communicate with ACC regarding the person's recovery.
The accessors we had completely refused to screen for DID, despite the referral including a recommendation to screen for it, and us already being suspicious of our dissociative symptoms and experiences aligning with that of OSDD/DID. We received a formal diagnosis of PSTD with high level dissociation. From there, we found a psych who had experience with DID, PSTD, and sexual trauma.
Jay, our therapist supports us and recognises our system, dissociative experiences, and other DID symptoms. When he submitted our recovery report, stated that we had DID, and that they would aid in our trauma recovery; integration, functional multiplicity or whatever pathway we decided to take.
The recovery team declined it (and in doing so, any future support) on the basis that PSTD was the diagnosis and not DID, despite their team never attempting to screen DID - and our therapist stating that he had met various parts/alters, discussed various symptoms and had run us through parts of the diagnostic process. He returned the recovery report with DID edited to state PSTD, and no further questions were asked.
I know Amber/🔥 finds this hilariously depressing. As she puts it, "DID is basically PSTD+, I don't see their issue with the difference, what the f**k?! Both are recognised trauma disorders??!?! and ACC's own website states that DID is a trauma response and has similarity to PSTD" [quote taken from our chat after I told her that ACC declined DID, but accepted PSTD].
Jay dislikes formal diagnosis related to mental disorders as he has had first-hand experience with various psychotic and DID individuals being discriminated against in the medical field, and outside, especially when they have intersecting identities like we do. Quote "It's an ink-blot you can't remove, once it's there, it's there. We can't remove it." and reiterated that if medical professionals need to know why we're disassociated or have bad memory, that it's in relation to PSTD and ADHD.
We have DID recognised by medical professionals; our general practitioner, Jay/our psych and our gynaecologist all know and understand that we have DID and what that means for future, medications and mental health; however we do not have the piece of paper that categorically states that "this person has DID"
I hope this answers it well. You are most welcome to ask more questions if you have them.
-Kyle (💜)
Reading the body keeps the score and highlighting every second sentence. 🥴
Not an OSDD system, but as you (OP) said, a lot of it comes from back when OSDD was called DDNOS in the DSM IV.
DDNOS-1a and DDNOS-1b were legitimate psych diagnoses pre DSM-V, and a lot of information was updated to say OSDD, but didn't take into account the removal of 1, 1a, and 1b (I wouldn't be surprised if people used find and replace on website resources)
DDNOS 1 – DID but switching not observed by clinician, or amnesia for the significant past but not everyday life. DDNOS 1a – Like DID, but with less distinct parts/no alters. Alters may be emotional fragments or the same individual at different ages. Can experience emotional amnesia rather than physical amnesia. DDNOS 1b – Like DID, but no amnesia between alters.
Similar to how some chose to continue calling themselves MPD, those that were diagnosed using the DSM-IV or earlier just chose to continue using those clarifiers, or they find adding the clarifiers create a shortcut to explaining their symptom set; especially in system spaces.
P-DID isn't recognised in the DSM, however it is used in the ICD* *Chapter 6 of the ICD specifically covers mental, behavioural and neurodevelopmental disorders. Moreover, while the DSM is the most popular diagnostic system for mental disorders in the US, the ICD is used more widely in Europe and other parts of the world, giving it a far larger reach than the DSM. An international survey of psychiatrists in sixty-six countries compared the use of the ICD-10 and DSM-IV. It found the former was more often used for clinical diagnosis while the latter was more valued for research.[14] This may be because the DSM tends to put more emphasis on clear diagnostic criteria, while the ICD tends to put more emphasis on clinician judgement and avoiding diagnostic criteria unless they are independently validated. That is, the ICD descriptions of psychiatric disorders tend to be more qualitative information, such as general descriptions of what various disorders tend to look like. The DSM focuses more on quantitative and operationalized criteria; e.g., to be diagnosed with X disorder, one must fulfill 5 of 9 criteria for at least 6 months - wikipedia (DSM). Who does your diagnosis and what country you are in will influence whether you're able to get a P-DID diagnosis; the same goes for complex PSTD. C-PSTD (complex ptsd) is only recognised as a diagnosis by the ICD, however there is hope that with the DSM-VI (DSM-6) that they may add C-PTSD as a differing diagnosis from PTSD.
Question for OSDD-1a/1b systems: Why do you use 1a/1b?
I ask because 1a and 1b do not exist within OSDD. What you're thinking of is DDNOS-1a/1b which are outdated. Similar to how MPD is the outdated term for DID. To my knowledge, OSDD-1a/1b has never been a thing before. OSDD is just OSDD or P-DID, depending on where you live. So where did this idea come from in system communities? You can't be diagnosed with OSDD-1a/1b, so if you've done extensive research to self diagnose with this, where did you get the idea that OSDD-1a/1b is a thing instead of just OSDD or P-DID? *DISCLAIMER: This is not asked out of hate. I am genuinely curious. Genuine answers will not be met with arguments.*
Existential depression at 20 years old. Like bpd wasn't already the cherry on top of my misery.
Wait. This is why I feel safer in enclosed, dark spaces. Shit.
PTSD culture is hiding in a small and dark corner when you get a panicattack