THE AMOUNT OF THINGS I FELT DURIBG THIS UPDATE HAJSJSJSJS

THE AMOUNT OF THINGS I FELT DURIBG THIS UPDATE HAJSJSJSJS

heart can't lose [44]

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FORTY FOUR. | prev / masterlist / next

PAIRING. lee haechan x fem!oc

WARNINGS. language

SUMMARY. fourth year pre-med student and neo university student council president, haechan lee does not have the time for relationships. instead, he focuses his attention on his studies and extracurriculars, so as not to disappoint his parents. that is until hera seo came along—and everyone starts to wonder if the university’s golden boy would finally let his heart lose.

NOTE. sorry if the text started to go faster towards the end, u can pause to read the longer texts! 😭😭😭😭✊🏼

TAGLIST. @neozonenet @radiorenjun @bluejaem @pink-but-rosie @renjun-pretty @holdinbacksecrets @rynshyuckies @jelllyjae @jenyongcas @whyisquill @beemarkie @morkxlee @hibuki-chan @moonwalkun @lyyhyuck @baekhyunstruly @lilacdreams-00 @ridinhyuck @archivedmkl @najaeminluvbot @jiye0n0 @rensiu @morkleetrash @neo444 @hrjchive @keemburley @soobin-chois @yiz-yo @hae06 @nctasdfghj @aerev @studywoo @jun5ui @smolpeyy @mahae66 @kkotjia

HCL TAGLIST. @aedreamzy @moonsclover @rrnhyuck @reinde3r @daegalfangirl @yixingtion @dandelionxgal @thesunsfullmoon @yangsbff @y3jiishot @purpleheejin @prdshobi @vantxx95 @googiewaterbottle @minavenue

Hi can i request a Chenle x Moonlight by Ariana Grande x cuddle time with him :)

Note: Author i promise this is the last Ariana Grande song TT and tahnk you in advance ❤️

Moonlight (f)

Pairing: Zhong Chenle x reader Genre: fluff

Thank you for your request! I love Ariana Grande haha, don't worry, and these lyrics are so adorable T-T I hope you like it! This is short :/

Also I found a picture where he is literally glowing I-

Request open, check out my song request event~

Your weekends were peaceful compared to the chaotic weekdays.

It was even better when it was sundown, and you were huddled up on the couch with Chenle. The movie that he had played on the tv was long forgotten, both of you were so concentrated on each other.

Your head was on Chenle's shoulder, his arms around you as he softly played with your hair. Every touch made you want to fall into his arms more, give up your whole heart to him. Even though Chenle was your boyfriend, and has been your boyfriend for the past year and a half, every single look and smile from him, made you feel like you were crushing on him for that first time all offer again.

You felt Chenle's breath soft on your skin, and looked up at him. The light from the TV shone on his face, illustrating his features, and he looked like he was actually glowing.

After all, he did light up your life pretty well.

He looked down back at you as you averted your gaze to his hands, softly playing with his fingers, leaving light kisses on them, similar to what he was doing on your neck, just feather light, love-filled kiss.

Chenle was rather glad he cancelled all his plans for this- just having you in his arms satisfied him enough. Your hair smelled like apples, your skin was soft, and he liked it when you pressed soft kisses onto his hand.

He was so soft for you.

And you knew that, he could manage to be very manly, and very delicate at the same time. It was the perfect salt-and-sugar balance. Even though his presence next to you was warm, he felt like moonlight next to you, cool, comforting and beautiful.

You could've never imagined that one day, you would be in the arms of moonlight itself.

Masterlist

Never been kissed | Haechan

Haechan x reader, friends to lovers!au. Word count: 2106 Genre: pure fluff Author: maari Warnings: mentions of insecurity and bad dates. Note: I was inspired by that video from Haechan for Nature Republic? Probably. I love this concept of friends turning into lovers? Yeah. Will I ever stop? No. Summary: You’re tired of being the one who’s never been kissed.

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heart can't lose [54]

PAIRING. lee haechan x fem!oc

WARNINGS. none

WORD COUNT. 1.3k

SUMMARY. fourth year pre-med student and neo university student council president, haechan lee does not have the time for relationships. instead, he focuses his attention on his studies and extracurriculars, so as not to disappoint his parents. that is until hera seo came along—and everyone starts to wonder if the university’s golden boy would finally let his heart lose

“MIND IF I join you?” Hera asked as she stepped out into the huge balcony on the second floor of the rest house, where Erin had been admiring the view by herself.

Erin smiled at her, shaking her head. “Not at all, feel free to join,” she said.

“Is there a reason why you’re out here by yourself?”

The older girl shrugged. “Just felt like it.”

“Nothing to do with… you know who?”

Erin snorted, shaking her head. “You can say his name, it’s fine.”

“I just happened to notice that you and Mark hadn’t acknowledged each other today, yet you both arrived at the same time this morning before we left to go here,” Hera said. 

“It’s been like that with us since last year, so I guess I’m kind of used to it.” She let out a sigh, a sad smile on her lips. “But we don’t always ignore each other, you know? We live in the same house, so it’s impossible to just… not talk to each other, even for a bit, but most of the time… yeah,” she added.

“But prior to your official engagement, you two were okay?” Hera asked.

“Well—not really okay okay, but it wasn’t super awkward in our house back then,”  she replied. “We argued a lot, since we both didn’t really like our situation, and we were still young, so being mad that we didn’t have a choice was all we could do, but there were good moments. Moments where it was just the two of us.”

Hera noticed how Erin was smiling genuinely as she remembered how her and Mark were back then, her eyes glazed over as she imagined she was back there again. Then, she blinked, shaking her head lightly as she chuckled dryly. “After the engagement became official, that kind of… made things all too real for us, so… uh… well, you can see how we are now, so…” she only shrugged, looking at Hera. 

She smiled at Erin, bumping her shoulder to the older girl. “Sorry for asking.”

Erin chuckled. “It’s fine—but enough about me!” She perked, suddenly turning her whole body to face Hera, making the younger look at her with furrowed brows. “I heard you met Hyuck’s dad.”

“I—yeah. Accidentally, too.”

“How do you meet Yohan Lee accidentally?”

Hera was then reminded about the slightly awkward family dinner that she found herself in a week ago, making her shut her eyes and let out a groan.

She heard Erin laugh. “That bad?”

“It wasn’t bad,” Hera said, “it was just weird! I wasn’t really supposed to be there—no one was supposed to be home when we arrived there. Hyuck said they were on a business trip,” she explained.

“Okay, why were you going to their house, anyway?”

“We were supposed to watch a movie together—already had tickets, too—but he remembered he needed to get something from their house, so we went there, and his parents apparently cut their trip short, so, uh… yeah.” She shrugged, chuckling. “Both his parents were there, his mom insisted we stayed to eat dinner, and we never got to watch the movie.”

“And the dinner?”

“Really awkward,” Hera replied. “Don’t get me wrong, they were super nice to me, despite how intimidating they both were, but it just… felt like I was intruding?” She shook her head. “I don’t know. I don’t even know if his dad liked me.”

“I’m pretty sure he did.”

The pair turned their heads at the sound of Donghyuck’s voice, seeing him with his arms crossed while leaning on the frame of the entrance to the balcony. 

Erin smiled as she looked in between the two. “Ah, I should leave you two alone now,” she said.

“What?” Hera asked, “Why?”

“I want to go on a walk around by myself,” the older girl replied, shrugging. “I’ll be back before dinner time, just text me,” she then added before waving at Hera and walking towards where Donghyuck was standing. “You’re welcome,” she whispered before walking past him, leaving the two alone.

“Are you just going to stand there or are you going to join me here?” Hera asked, raising a brow at him.

Donghyuck smiled, letting out a small laugh before he walked towards her, falling to a stop in the spot beside her where Erin had been standing earlier. They were facing different directions, With him leaning his elbows on the railings and looking ahead at the view, while Hera had her back against it, but her eyes were focused on the boy beside her.

“You know, my dad asked about you during Christmas,” he suddenly said, surprising Hera.

“He did?”

“Mhm,” he hummed in response, “Surprised me too, honestly. Most of the time, despite any occasion, he’d only ask about my classes, or my plans in the future.”

“What did he say?”

“He wanted to know if we were dating.”

“Oh?” Her eyebrows shot up at his reply. “And what did you say?” she then asked, looking away and crossing her arms as if to show that she wasn’t that curious as to what he said to his father.

(She was very curious.)

“I didn’t really get to answer it.” Hera’s shoulders sagged at that, eliciting a chuckle from him. “He immediately went on to talk before I could—which is typical for him, I guess? Although, this time it wasn’t about med school, or my studies.”

He finally took his eyes off the view ahead of him, turning his head to look at her, instead. “It doesn’t matter much if I decide to be in a relationship with someone, I was old enough to manage my priorities—to know my responsibilities. That’s what he said to me.” He shook his head lightly. “You know, I never thought I’d see the day where my dad would be okay with me adding another… non-medical related… thing in my list of priorities, but here we are.”

Hera laughed at that, while he only smiled at her. “Well, he’s okay with it. Are you?”

He paused, humming as he looked up and rested his chin on his right hand, as if he was giving it a deep thought. “I don’t know. Am I?” 

She rolled her eyes, punching his arm playfully. “What did I say about answering questions with another question?”

“Oh—“ he narrowed his eyes at her— “you sounded like a teacher just now.”

“Shut up,” she muttered, rolling her eyes at him while he only laughed.

It was silent between them after that—a comfortable silence. Hera liked this—being comfortable enough with someone that she felt at ease just spending this moment of calmness with him, no words spoken.

Her eyes found his as she turned to him again.

Since when had they been this close?

She thought about how she had been looking at him for a considerable amount of time, enough for it to seem uncomfortable—but it wasn’t. Her eyes roamed his features, from his brown eyes that she almost found herself lost in, to his cheeks, then to his lips.

Her breath hitched as she looked back at his eyes, and had she been a second late, she would have missed how his own flicked down her lips quickly before meeting her gaze again. Noticing the closing distance between them, she closed her eyes and tried to turn away, but he was quick to pull her towards him, his hand resting on her cheek as if to tell her that this was okay.

“Hey, dinner’s—oh.”

Hera sprung away from Donghyuck at the sound of her best friend’s voice, while he remained in his spot, a flash of disappointment on his face before looking at the entrance of the balcony, where Jaemin was standing with his eyes wide.

“Dinner’s, uh, dinner’s ready,” Jaemin managed to say, pointing his thumb over his shoulder. “Chenle said we should all eat together,” he added.

“Right, uh, let’s go.” Hera nodded, making her way towards Jaemin and turning him around, pushing him out the balcony.

Donghyuck watched in amusement, a small smile on his lips before shaking his head and following after them. “Maybe next time,” he mumbled.

FIFTY FOUR. | prev / masterlist / next

TAGLIST. @radiorenjun @bluejaem @pink-but-rosie @renjun-pretty @holdinbacksecrets @rynshyuckies @jelllyjae @jenyongcas @whyisquill @beemarkie @morkxlee @hibuki-chan @moonwalkun @lyyhyuck @baekhyunstruly @lilacdreams-00 @ridinhyuck @archivedmkl @najaeminluvbot @jiye0n0 @rensiu @morkleetrash @neo444 @hrjchive @keemburley @soobin-chois @yiz-yo @juune04 @nctasdfghj @aerev @studywoo @jun5ui @smolpeyy @mahae66 @kkotjia

HCL TAGLIST. @aedreamzy @moonsclover @rrnhyuck @reinde3r @daegalfangirl @yixingtion @dandelionxgal @thesunsfullmoon @yangsbff @y3jiishot @purpleheejin @prdshobi @vantxx95 @googiewaterbottle @minavenue

i'm honestly so obsessed with this, discovered it a fee hours ago and i already read it twice????:?!:?:

i really have no words i'm just in love with this piece of writing

the art of secrets — lhc

pairing: lee haechan x reader genre: best friend’s brother, friends with benefits, idiots to lovers, fluff, angst summary: after messing around with haechan too much for your own good, the secrets start to build up between the two of you—and not just with his sister. wc: 11.2k warnings: swearing, mentions of drinking, slightly suggestive, some dirty jokes courtesy of hyuck, arguing ? kind of

𖥻 01 - THE FIRST SECRET

No matter the situation, Haechan always found a way to be obnoxious.

“Hey, be quiet! You’re gonna wake your sister up.”

Haechan smiled into the kiss as he pressed his lips against yours, the material of your t-shirt falling around his hands as they rested on your waist. He pulled away and rested his forehead against yours, squeezing your sides. “C’mon, let her wake up.”

You shook your head. “You’re crazy, Haechan. Jiyoon would freak if she saw me in here.” You frowned, running your hands up the back of his neck to weave your fingers in his hair.

“Nope, she’d love to have you as a sister-in-law.”

Tugging at his brown strands softly, you decided to ignore the implications of the word sister-in-law. “Yeah, I don’t think so. In case you forgot, we’re having a sleepover.” You pecked him on the cheek. “I’m not supposed to be here.”

He rested his hands on your lower back. “You’re still sleeping over, just not in her room,” he quipped.

He smiled at your annoyed expression, his fingers rubbing circles into your skin. You pressed a kiss to his swollen, heart-shaped lips and pushed him onto the bed by his shoulders, his upper body landing on the charcoal-colored duvet with a soft thud. Haechan reveled in your position, the light of the TV to the right of his room giving your face and body a soft, almost angelic glow.

Although he’d never admit it, he enjoyed this more than anything you two planned on doing that night. You were otherworldly, and he easily preferred the small sounds that came out of your mouth when he kissed you just right over his favorite playlist.

Haechan knew you inside and out, and he studied you like you were a textbook and he had an exam the next day. Of course, these feelings were a bit too much for someone he was only supposed to mess around with—no strings attached, of course.

An unknown feeling began twisting his gut, and he tried pushing it away as he ran his hand up the side of your torso. His eyes followed the material as he hiked your shirt up until it bunched up under your chest. “Cute shirt you have on. Jiyoon didn’t mention it?” he questioned, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear and letting your top fall back down.

You shook your head, your fingers playing with the drawstrings of his plaid pajama pants. “Nope. You’re lucky Renjun has the same one, I said I got it from him.”

He ran his thumb across your bottom lip and sighed quietly. His chocolatey eyes held a dazed look, and your stomach fluttered at his expression. “Such a great liar,” he murmured.

You leaned into his palm, offering him a small smile in the dim room. “I learned from the best.”

𖥻 02 - HAECHAN: PUBLIC ENEMY #1

Jiyoon gripped the back of her chair, her knuckles turning white from the sheer force being used as she dragged it back on the cement. She sat down with a huff and banged her thermo onto the table so hard you thought it’d break, making Renjun flinch upon the impact. You eyed her as she tore away the wrapper of her croissant, biting into the soft bread like it was the head of her enemy.

You exchanged a look of confusion with Renjun, making eyes at each other to figure out whose job it would be to ask what was wrong. After one final glare from you, the raven-haired boy let out a sigh and turned to Jiyoon, “Ji, what’s up?”

She swallowed the last bit of pastry in her mouth, glossy lips formed into a pout. “I was gonna use the car today to meet up with Yerim, that cute girl from my Greek Mythology class, after school.” She paused to rip a piece of the croissant angrily. “But Donghyuck’s annoying ass called dibs on the fucking car.”

Renjun knocked his knee into yours and you winced in pain, rubbing your hand over the spot to try and soothe it. You shot him a dirty look, grateful Jiyoon was busy sulking at her breakfast while she mulled over her lost date with Yerim.

“You even used his legal name, must be serious,” you tried to joke. Your best friend crossed his arms over his chest and stared at you expectantly. “Maybe he has something important to do?” The corners of your lips pulled up in a half-hearted smile, trying to convince everyone including yourself.

Jiyoon shook her head. “He didn’t tell me, which was so weird because he tells me everything,” she hummed. Your face heated up at what she said, and Renjun tried to discreetly swat at your hands when you began to pick at your cuticles.

“It sucks, but whatever. I have to go break the news to Yerim,” she sighed, balling up the wrapper of her breakfast and grabbing her bag from the floor. “I’ll talk to you guys later.” Waving goodbye, she blew a kiss to you and Renjun.

“Maybe he has something important to do,” he mocked you in a high-pitched voice once Jiyoon was out of earshot. “Sure, of course, except the only thing he’s doing is you!”

You gasped, smacking his arm so hard it stung your palm.

“And he tells her everything, how sweet,” he sneered, pushing your shoulder. “I hate knowing about you two! This is the longest I’ve ever kept a secret from Ji.”

You let out a groan and threw your head back, the feeling of guilt making your chest tight. “I know,” you mumbled, “but I’m scared to say something.”

“If you were actually scared, you wouldn’t have done it,” he pointed out. His words should have stung, but you knew he was right. The feelings of fear and guilt weren’t enough to drive you away from Haechan. “Y’know, I have a feeling that if you came clean, she wouldn’t even be angry.”

“You think?”

“Possibly. She loves Haechan, she loves you, that’s double the love.” He shrugged. “And I think it’ll go past that childish little friends with benefits stage soon enough.”

He loudly slurped on his almost-empty iced coffee with an air of nonchalance, ignoring the look of confusion on your face as he shook the ice around in the plastic cup. “What do you mean?”

“I just know things.” He smiled, pulling the straw from his lips. “My class starts at ten, so I gotta go. Think about talking to Ji, okay?”

“For sure.” You nodded. “I’ll tell her eventually.”

𖥻 03 - HELIOS IN A CAR

“You messed up her date with Yerim today, you know.”

Haechan dragged his pointer finger up and down your arm, rolling his eyes at your words. “Oh please, it wasn't even a date. She’s too scared to admit her feelings.”

“Admitting your feelings isn’t easy, Haechan,” you scolded him. “You could’ve let her take the car for tonight.”

“And then we would have missed out on this,” he mumbled, eyeing your figure. You were pressed against his chest, the thin layer of sweat on your forehead caused by the humidity outside glistened underneath the overhead light of the backseat. He thought you looked precious with your cheek half smushed against him. “I think it was fun.”

And, in all honesty, it was. He had taken you out to a new restaurant near campus, paying the bill before you could even take your credit card out and buying you ice cream (double scoop, you felt very spoiled) afterwards. As much as you enjoyed it, it felt far too domestic for your current relationship status—if you could even call it that.

You’d dismissed it as two friends hanging out, but his lingering hands and lips felt too close for comfort. Renjun’s words from earlier in the day hung around in your subconscious; you’d always heard about situations like yours turning into full-fledged relationships or going downhill so quickly that they never spoke again, and the latter scared you too much to think about. Not to mention that going back to being just friends seemed too awkward for you, which made the thought of acting like Haechan hadn’t seen and felt every part of you too embarrassing to dwell on.

He noticed your silence, a slight crease between your brows telling him you were thinking too much for your own good.

“What are you thinking about?”

“I just have a ton of homework,” you lied, creating a bit of space between the two of you.

“It’s only Friday, you have the whole weekend,” he said. “Live a little.” Haechan shoved your shoulder playfully, a smirk adorning his lips.

You snorted, “I think I’ve been living a lot, Haechan.”

“Don’t call me by my name,” he grumbled, sitting upright.

“And what should I call you then?”

His eyes became downcast, a soft, pink blush dusting his cheeks. “Nevermind. Just… don't worry about your homework, okay? Enjoy this.”

You nodded silently, staring out the windshield and at the small boats that seemed to float on the lake like toys in a bathtub. The sun was beginning to set, casting a golden hue on both the car and Haechan.

He looked ethereal, the setting sun lighting up his brown hair in small flames. His dark eyes were lit up a hazelnut color, and the moles that littered his face looked like they were small stars on the detailed canvas that was Lee Haechan. The rays of light kissed his honeyed skin so delicately, you thought he could rival Helios with the way the sun adorned him.

Only he could make something as simple as sitting in a car feel so meaningful. The mere sight of him made your heart race. You felt warmth wash over your body at the thought of him being yours—even if it was just for a moment, and through the childish label of friends with benefits.

It felt like your chest was bursting with happiness—along with an underlying feeling of dread.

When he met your focused gaze, giving you an award-winning smile with those perfect teeth and supple lips that made your stomach flip, you could already hear Renjun saying I told you so in your ear.

𖥻 04 - PILOT OF CONFESSIONS

Haechan was perched on the edge of the recliner, his headset on and thumbs moving faster than the speed of light as he yelled commands at whom you could only assume was Mark. He tugged his bottom lip in between his teeth during his state of focus, eyes flitting across the screen as he watched out for other people coming to shoot him.

“Mark, you’re supposed to be watching my back!” he groaned in frustration as his character died, throwing himself back onto the chair with a frown. You looked up from your laptop and stifled a laugh at his antics, peering over at Jiyoon to see her glaring in his direction.

She rolled her eyes. “Dude, stop screaming. It’s not that serious.”

“You wouldn’t get it Jiyoon. It’s not like you’re doing anything important,” he replied, standing up to stretch. “You’ve been on your phone this whole time, I thought you were supposed to be doing homework?” His shirt exposed a sliver of his stomach when he brought his arms far above his head, making you look away quickly.

Jiyoon grabbed the nearest pillow and threw it at his body, but he caught it with ease. “Shut up, you look like a fuckin’ pilot with that ridiculous headset on,” she grumbled, slumping back onto the couch and staring at the TV while he started another game.

“You’re both annoying,” you stated, not sparing them a glance while you closed your laptop softly, “and as much as I enjoy the cute sibling fights, I’ve gotta go.”

Haechan took his headset off, resting it around his neck. “Where are you going?”

“I have important business with Renjun. He’s outside already.”

He looked between you and his sister in confusion, noting how she wasn’t taken by surprise the same way he was. You hugged Jiyoon goodbye and slung your book bag over your shoulder, walking towards the front door as Haechan put his body in front of yours.

A cheeky smile played on his lips as he stared at you expectantly. “What about my hug goodbye?”

Jiyoon let out a laugh, waiting to see what you’d do.

“I don’t think so. Maybe next time,” you assured him, squeezing his shoulder softly.

He watched you leave the apartment and pulled his headset off completely, tossing it onto his seat with a sigh.

“Upset you didn’t get a hug?” his sister teased from her spot.

Haechan sat down next to her, ignoring the question. “Are her and Renjun… a thing?” he asked, turning to face her.

She would have burst out laughing had she not looked at him and seen something he’d never willingly show—insecurity.

“No, why would you think that?’ she questioned, a crease between her brows. “And more importantly, why do you care?” She mentally groaned at how bitchy it sounded after she spoke, but he remained unfazed.

“I was just wondering. They seem really close.”

“Hey, I’m close with Renjun too, y'know. Why didn’t you ever ask if we were a thing?” she joked.

He glared at Jiyoon, crossing his arms over his chest. “Are you seriously asking that? I think you like girls more than I do.”

“Okay,” Jiyoon brought her hands up in defense, rolling her eyes. “I see where you’re coming from.”

She still looked at him strangely because after growing up together and knowing exactly how he’d react to certain situations, it was blaringly obvious there was more to this than pure curiosity.

“Is there something else, Hyuck?” She hadn’t used the nickname in forever, but she felt it was necessary for a (potential) heart-to-heart.

“You promise not to get mad?” he asked, sticking out his pinky.

She nodded, wrapping her smaller one around his.

“I think I really like her,” he mumbled.

Jiyoon blinked in surprise, lowering her pinky slowly. She wasn’t angry, that was for sure—she’d never seen her brother be so genuine about something, and it made her bubble in an unfamiliar happiness. Haechan stared at her unreadable expression, half afraid she’d blow up on him in a fit of rage and go on a rant about how you were off limits to him.

“I can’t believe it. My brother likes my best friend!” she finally squealed, throwing her arms over his shoulders and pulling him into a hug. “I should have expected this though.”

Haechan blinked in confusion, his arms embracing Jiyoon hesitantly. “Uh, why?”

She pulled away from the embrace, holding Haechan away from her by his shoulders. “Looking back, you kind of made it obvious,” she said with a shrug. “Who would voluntarily spend that much time around their sister’s best friend if they weren’t getting anything out of it?”

He stayed quiet. It wasn’t like he planned on spending more time with you and making something out of it—it just happened to go that way. It was the universe’s plan, if you will.

“Okay, but you can’t say anything, Yoon.”

Her head bobbed enthusiastically. “I promise.”

The bright smile on her face tugged at his heart. He hadn’t told her the full truth, but half was better than nothing, right?

𖥻 05 - RENJUN’S SIXTH SENSE

“So what you’re telling me is… I was right,” Renjun rubbed his chin, “and I fuckin’ told you so.”

You groaned at his triumphant smirk, burying your face in your hands. “Don’t rub it in, asshole. I’ll take my feelings back right now.”

Renjun snorted, rolling his eyes as he leaned back and took a drink of his milk tea. “You couldn’t even if you tried. You’re in too deep.”

“I’m definitely not.”

“Okay, so tell me how you figured it out.” He quirked an eyebrow at you, awaiting a response.

“We went out the day Jiyoon was complaining about not having the car,” you began, tracing shapes onto the condensation that had built up on your cup. “We were both in the backseat-”

“If this is going where I think it is, spare me the details,” he interrupted you with a grimace on his face. “We’re best friends, but I do not need to hear about Haechan’s di-”

“Oh please shut up,” you groaned. “Anyways, we were just sitting there, not even saying anything, but it felt so right. He looked perfect.” Your eyes were glazed over, like you were in the backseat of Haechan’s car all over again.

He watched as your face fell, and you stared at your lap like a child being scolded. Renjun felt his expression relax, the sight of you so vulnerable hit a nerve he didn’t know existed. “Hey, why do you look so down? This is supposed to be a good thing,” Renjun said softly, reaching over to grab your hand in his. “C’mon, talk to me.”

“I’m really excited about this, believe me. But Ji…” you trailed off, avoiding his eyes. As much as you enjoyed being around Haechan, you couldn’t help but think of what Jiyoon would say if she saw you. She wouldn’t shame you or start reciting every swear word in the book, but the thought of her being disappointed was scarier than anything else. It was a constant, nagging feeling in the back of your brain every time you laid on his bed or pressed a kiss to his lips.

“I might sound like a shitty friend right now, but fuck it.” Renjun sat back in his chair with a shrug. “Don’t put everything on hold because you’re scared of what she’s gonna say. Ji is pretty understanding, and even though these are special circumstances, it’s nothing a little communication can’t fix.”

You nodded, but you still looked unconvinced.

He squinted at you, lips pursed in thought. “That’s not all, is it?”

You shook your head. “I think I’m just scared of a relationship in general,” you admitted. “It wasn’t supposed to go this far.”

“What do you mean?” Renjun asked, his posture slouched as he leaned towards you.

“Catching feelings. It’s such a cliche, but it wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“It’s a little too late for that,” he said, “but you can’t stop yourself from enjoying it ‘cause you’re scared.” He ran a hand through his neatly parted hair, the action causing strands to stick upward.

“I don’t wanna end up hurt,” you mumbled, eyes downcast as you played with the rips on your jeans.

“You won’t,” he assured you. “You’re only gonna get hurt if you keep denying what you feel.”

“What if this just fucks everything up?”

“Y/N,” Renjun sighed, “your relationship with him wasn’t normal to begin with. Stop trying to make excuses for yourself.”

You drummed your fingers against the table. “I’m just gonna take it day by day then; try not to be so scared about it.”

“Exactly. And if things do go south, you’ll still have one Lee sibling and me.”

“Yeah, I’d be pretty okay with just you and Ji,” you noted with a smile. “I am sorry I put you in the middle of this though.”

He waved you off, pulling his straw away from his lips to reply. “I kinda like knowing everything. Makes me feel powerful,” he grinned.

“You’re such a sucker for drama,” you laughed, grateful for the shift in mood. “Oh, and Jiyoon convinced Haechan and I to go to Jaehyun’s party tomorrow.”

His eyebrows raised. “You and Haechan? At the same party? Together?”

“Yes, you bozo, that’s what I just said.”

“I’d so go just to see you guys expose yourselves,” he sighed, “but I have to work.”

“It’s like you want to see us fuck up.”

He shrugged. “You guys would do that all on your own.”

You chewed on the tip of your straw, staring him down through narrowed eyes. “If you weren’t my best friend, I’d toss this drink in your face.”

“You wouldn’t.” He smirked, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “You can’t afford to throw away an almost full cup of boba on your budget.”

𖥻 06 - PRIVATE IN PUBLIC

Jiyoon was too persuasive for her own good.

You were apprehensive about the idea of coming to the party when she first mentioned it, the thought of all those people you didn’t know reeking of weed and alcohol was enough to keep you at bay—but you still found yourself in the middle of Jaehyun’s living room.

You sat on the worn out couch of the house, the bass coming from the speakers vibrating in the soles of your feet and traveling up your body in waves. The leather cushions were soft beneath your fingertips and your hair stuck to the back of your neck with a light layer of sweat from the humidity in the home. Jiyoon was in your line of sight, standing at the end of the staircase and smiling at whatever Yerim was saying as their fingers interlocked.

A pair of thighs blocked your view, and you looked up to see Haechan smiling down at you. The multi-colored led lights painted his face an array of blues, pinks, and greens, his eyes glinting with each flash of light.

“Here, for you,” he said, holding out your third solo cup of the night. You grabbed it from his hand and took a small sip while he sat down, his jean-clad legs rubbing against the side of your thigh.

“Scooch over,” you muttered, softly pushing your elbow into his side. “You’re in my personal bubble.”

He scoffed, snaking his arm around your waist and resting his hand on your hip. He lowered his mouth to your ear, his lips brushing against your hair as he said, “C’mon, I’ve been in more than your personal bubble.” He pulled away and chuckled at the shocked laugh that escaped your lips.

You made a space between the two of you, letting his hand drop from your hip. “Leave enough room for Jesus, Donghyuck. You’re actin’ up.”

He shook his head in amusement, taking a large gulp from his cup.

“Anyways, I like how Jiyoon ditched us,” he motioned his head in her direction, “after she practically begged us to come with her.”

You eyed the short-haired girl across the room, her soft features lit up with a grin. “You and I both know she came for Yerim. We were just a cover-up.”

There was a silence between the two of you for a moment, filled up with the loud music and laughter in the living room rather than conversation. Your head moved along to the song playing, catching Haechan’s attention. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he slid it out, turning it face up to read the notification.

[1:00am] seester: gonna leave with yerim rn, prob gonna spend the night. text when ur home, love u :D

His eyes drew away from the bright screen and towards the front door to barely catch Jiyoon leaving the house, Yerim trailing behind her. He turned back to you, your head still bobbing to the rhythm of the r&b song bouncing off the walls.

“C’mon, let's dance,” he said, taking your hand in his to pull you up from the couch. Weaving his way through the people, he got to a less crowded spot and brought you closer to him. His warm hands found purchase on your waist, a dopey smile adorning his face as he looked down on you.

You focused your gaze away from him, warmth rushing to your cheeks. He didn’t mind; it gave him all the more time to relish in your appearance while you moved against each other. It seemed like the moment you brought your hands up to his neck the people around you seemed to fade out, and there you stood at the center of his world.

A sheen of sweat covered your body, your skin glittering like diamonds under the multi-colored lights. Blue and pink luminescence stroked your body like a paint brush, the lustrous material of your satin dress shifting colors every time you moved. You looked surreal.

The corners of your lips turned up in a shy smile as you looked up at him, and he really thought his heart was going to beat out of his chest any second now.

“You’re so gorgeous,” he murmured. His hands tugged you flush against his body, a dazed look in his eyes as he studied every inch of your face. Your fingers curled into his hair, butterflies erupting in your stomach at his words. “So gorgeous, and so mine.”

He leaned down, licking his lips. The blend of his wood and citrus scented cologne swirled around you like smoke, overtaking your senses as he got closer to your face. The rest of the room was still buzzing with life, but you and Haechan were at a standstill. His gaze flickered between your eyes and parted lips for a moment before he cupped your cheek in his hand, closing the gap between you.

Your heartbeat pounded in your ears, deafening the noises around you. Haechan’s plush lips moved against yours, the mixture of pineapple juice and whiskey he had been sipping lingering on your mouth. The material of his shirt stuck to your chest when he pulled you closer, the buttons down the middle of his top pressing into your skin.

You’d kissed him hundreds of times, but this one made your skin feel like it was on fire. There was no rush to it, no crudeness. Everything he did felt right. His fingertips dug into your hips, trying to draw you in impossibly close. Your nails grazed his scalp when he caught your bottom lip between his teeth, causing him to pull away with a smile. The way your lips glistened had him captivated; he was made to do this to you.

The realization that you were still surrounded by people began trickling in, but everyone was too caught up in their own world or partner’s lips to give you a second glance.

“Maybe we can get going?” Haechan asked, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear.

You nodded, and Haechan took your hand in his, moving away from the mass of people and towards the entrance. The fresh air engulfed you right as you stepped out while the cool November breeze created goosebumps along your exposed arms and legs.

The car unlocked with a click, and he held the passenger side open for you, shutting the door softly once you got in. The ride to his apartment was long and quiet, a wave of drowsiness hitting you the further Haechan drove. You rested your temple on the cool window and closed your eyes, letting the small bumps in the road lull you to sleep.

In your drowsy state, you could feel his warm hand rubbing comforting circles onto the flesh of your thigh. “Sleepy?” he asked softly.

You nodded, turning your head and opening your eyes. He focused on the road ahead, softly humming the song you danced to at the party. It felt oddly domestic; rare were the moments where you both sat quietly in a comfortable silence, the warmth of your bodies shared with a wandering hand or intertwined fingers. The space was often filled with Haechan’s unabating conversation or stories about his day, your mindless commentary thrown in between his rants as you played with his hair—but now you savored the silence and time you had to observe him.

You wanted more of that.

By the time he had sat you on his bed and took your dress off, your eyes were so heavy with sleep you didn’t mind him taking care of you. You sat against the headboard, your neck lolling to the side every time you dozed off involuntarily. The small lamp on his bedside table provided the only light in his room, its soft glow covering the expanse of the bed.

“Hey, stay awake,” Haechan instructed, pulling an old t-shirt of his over your head. “Why don’t you get under the covers? I’m gonna be back.”

Your movements were lethargic, his charcoal-colored duvet suddenly feeling like it weighed fifty pounds as you pushed it back and tucked yourself beneath them. The sheets below it were cold, causing a shiver to flutter up your legs and toward your upper body. Nestling further into his pillow, you let your eyelids close in pleasure as the smell of his shampoo surrounded you.

You could hear Haechan in the bathroom talking to himself and moving things around until he let out a satisfied aha, likely finding whatever it was he needed. His footsteps were soft against the hardwood floor, and you could feel a dip in the bed where he sat down near your hip.

“I need you awake for a few minutes, that’s it,” he said, brushing a piece of hair away from your eyes.

You opened your eyes and squinted up at him, eyeing the packet of wipes in his hands. “I’m up,” you muttered, giving him a thumbs up.

He let out a laugh, snapping the plastic lid open and pulling a wipey out. He gently cleaned your face, careful not to wipe roughly beneath your eyes. Jiyoon had always mentioned how it was sensitive, and she was extra careful when wiping her face to prevent wrinkles. It was safe to say he picked up a few things from her.

“Thanks,” you sighed.

“Mhm, gotta make sure you don’t sleep with that stuff on your face. Jiyoon says it’s bad.”

“It is,” you mumbled, pausing as he continued cleaning your skin, “I miss Jiyoon.”

He hummed, tossing the used wipe in the small trash can next to his bed. “Me too, but I’m sure she’s having fun with Yerim.”

You let out a loud yawn, and Haechan’s lips quirked into a smile at the way your nose scrunched up.

“Are we done? I’m sleepy.”

“Yeah, I’ll take the couch,” he replied, getting up on his feet.

“No, sleep with me,” you mumbled, pulling the covers back to make space for him. “Too cold to be by yourself.”

If you weren’t half-asleep, you probably would have noticed the way his face lit up. “Are you sure?”

“Mhm, I’m too used to sleeping with you. Can’t be alone anymore.”

His breath hitched, but you didn’t seem to notice, too busy cocooning yourself with his blankets. He rarely lost his train of thought, but there seemed to be no problem with doing it when you were around.

“Yeah, okay. Scooch.”

It didn’t take long for you to latch onto him as you fell asleep again, your breath slowing and cheek pressed against his upper arm. Having you next to him always provided a bit more warmth and comfort, but now it felt different. It wasn’t just from your body heat or soft skin, it was from you and everything you meant to him.

He didn’t think he could be alone anymore either.

𖥻 07 - JUST PRETTY

The morning after with Haechan typically felt rushed; it was a flurry of bare skin, messy blankets, and bleary eyes in search of stray pieces of clothing—much different in comparison to today.

You took your time in waking up, stretching your legs out of their tucked position until they were almost cramped and keeping your eyes shut even as the morning light begged for you to look at it. Haechan slept next to you, your hand bunching up the material of his t-shirt as you nestled into him. There was no panic to wake up before Jiyoon saw, and you could thank Yerim for that.

Haechan’s hand ran up the side of your bare thigh and rested on your hip, pulling you closer to his body. “Are you awake?” he mumbled.

You nodded and moved onto your stomach, your chin resting on his chest. “How’d you sleep?”

“Really good, had a nice dream.” He brought his hand up to your hair, running his fingers through the strands.

“Yeah? About what?”

His eyebrows pinched in the middle. “Oh. I uh, don’t remember,” his voice trailed off quickly before switching topics. “Do you have something to do today?”

You studied him skeptically, your eyebrows pinched together. “Weirdo,” you muttered under your breath, “but I don’t. We can get something to eat if you want.”

“Anything you’re craving right now?”

“This spot by my house makes a really good broccoli cheddar soup,” you began. “It's their Sunday special. We can take it to my place.” You gazed up at him, your eyes twinkling in the morning light as you mindlessly played with the hem of his t-shirt.

He smiled and stroked your cheek, a smile gracing your lips in return. “I’ll give you some sweats and we can go.”

The diner was a block down from where you lived, its exterior painted a terracotta color with its name emblazoned the side of it in stark white paint. You resided on the first floor of an older, two-story building, and the inside was just as Haechan expected it to be; cozy, inviting, and so you.

The distinct smell of lavender and mint surrounded him as soon as he stepped in, along with a hint of acrylic paint. A small shoe rack was by the front door, pairs of sneakers lined up with your favorite beat-up white Nikes tossed haphazardly next to them. The small table beside the rack held a colorful bowl with your university ID, a pack of gum, and now your house keys.

“You can go put it down over there,” you instructed, pointing towards your small kitchen. “I’m gonna go get some socks.”

He walked further into the apartment and looked around, setting the aromatic soup onto the counter beside the stove. The walls of your place were a cashmere color, the vibrant, hunter green of your numerous plants a pretty contrast against them. An elm wood coffee table with notebooks stacked beside it sat in front of your beige couch, its arm covered by a mustard yellow throw blanket (which he’d definitely take a nap with later.)

It all looked so lived in, but not in a bad way.

Paint brushes were scattered near the kitchen sink, and a flimsy calendar was tacked up on the fridge with a heart-shaped magnet, your neat writing filling almost all the dates up. It was a messy kind of organized, and it was something only you could pull off.

By now you’d come back out, your feet clad in mismatched fuzzy socks. “Okay, we can eat now.”

He took the soup out from the brown bag as you grabbed two gray bowls and spoons, setting them down on the counter softly. Once they were filled, you handed one to Haechan and led him over to the living room. You sat cross legged on the floor, waiting for him to get down next to you before you ate.

“I’m surprised I’ve never been here,” Haechan began, “I was starting to think you lived at my place.”

You let out a laugh, your spoon hitting against the glass bowl. “Jiyoon practically holds me hostage there, and don’t get me started on when you tell me to stay the night,” you teased.

“Don’t act like you don’t wanna do it either, you always enjoy your stays.”

“Or so you think, Hyuck,” you sighed, patting his shoulder softly. “I just don’t wanna hurt your feelings.”

“You must be a pretty good actress, last week you were a mess-”

“Hey! Uncalled for!” you jabbed at his ribs with your elbow. “Anyways, I was actually gonna tell you we should start coming over here.”

“You prefer your room?” he asked, shoveling a spoonful of broccoli into his mouth.

You shook your head. “Not that, just to hangout. I remembered you wanted me to teach you how I made those little clay bowls,” you explained, “I bought new clay.”

He smiled to himself, recalling when he first asked you about them months ago. “You remembered that?”

“Duh, I waited for weeks to get an email that it was back in stock.”

“Look at you, going out of your way for me.” he smirked.

“Well I needed it for a class too,” you mumbled, shoving his shoulder. “You’re not that special.”

“No thanks, I’ll hear what I wanna hear.”

A comfortable silence fell over the room after that, the only noises coming from the two of you blowing on your spoonfuls of soup or the occasional scrape of metal against glass. He snuck a few glances at you, the t-shirt and sweatpants you’d borrowed from his closet fit loosely on your body and the mismatched socks tied the look together.

“It’s not nice to stare, Lee Donghyuck,” you hummed, continuing to scoop soup into your mouth.

A surge of confidence washed over him. “It’s hard not to.”

“Oh yeah?” You quirked a brow. “Why’s that?”

“You’re too pretty for me not to stare.”

You let your spoon fall into your bowl, eyes widened as you stared at his smug expression.

“What?” he asked.

“Uh, this is the part where you add in a dirty joke or something.”

“There’s no joke,” he laughed. “You’re just pretty.”

“Well, I guess you’re just pretty too.” You turned your attention back to your food, trying to save face.

He’d complimented you before, but it was always in the heat of the moment or when he was too blissed out to think straight. The genuine tone of voice he spoke with made your stomach do somersaults and your heart beat loudly in your ears. You tried to ignore his stare, but you could feel the way he lingered on your face as you focused on your bowl like it was a world renowned masterpiece.

It was rare that he saw you flustered, but he wanted to make it happen more often.

𖥻 08 - OUR FAVORITE SWEATER

Haechan was slowly taking over your apartment.

It started with him bringing his favorite blanket over and leaving it, stating it was “for future movie nights.” Then, he left so many t-shirts behind that you cleared up a space in your dresser to house them.

The last straw was when he left your—er, his—favorite sweater hung up on a chair in the kitchen.

“Hey, I accidentally left a couple shirts here,” he protested. “You act like I’m moving in.”

“Haechan, be real,” you deadpanned. “I had to clear space in my dresser to put away all the stuff you’ve accidentally left.”

“Well, yeah, but I figured leaving our sweater here would be okay!”

“Our sweater?”

“You like it just as much as I do,” he said matter-of-factly.

“You—okay, fine. I’ll give you that,” you sighed, “but you don't need all these t-shirts here!”

“I like to be prepared! What if one day you rip off my shirt and I—”

You cut him off, “What the fuck am I? A feral animal?”

He put his hands up in defense. “What you see yourself as is none of my business babe, but I think it’s okay to leave spare hoodies and shirts.”

“So you admit you left them here on purpose?”

“Mmm,” he pursed his lips, “that’s not what I said.”

You let out a loud groan, going over to your bed to sit down. “If you wanna move in so bad, just say that.”

“Move in? I think we’re going too fast. At least take me out first, yeah?”

You threw your teddy bear in his direction, resting your back on the headboard. “Moving too fast isn’t a thing for us,” you said. “We skipped over a few chapters in case you didn’t notice.”

He came over to the bed and laid on his stomach, his cheek pressed against your thigh. “Sometimes you don’t gotta go in order.”

“Yeah? In order of what?”

He raised his head, eyes sparkling with curiosity. “I’m not sure yet.”

After Haechan left, you realized you couldn’t catch a break from him or Jiyoon.

You had a solid five minutes to yourself before a knock sounded on your door. Peering out the peephole, you saw Jiyoon’s rosy cheeks and mussed hair.

“Y/N, I know you’re home!”

You turned the top lock and swung the door open, a hand on your hip as she grinned at you. “I cannot have any alone time.”

She pushed past you, kicking her shoes off and tossing them on the floor near yours. “Alone time doesn’t exist, sorry,” she exhaled. “I haven’t seen you in forever, wanted to pay a little visit.”

You closed the front door and joined Jiyoon in the living room, plopping down next to her and putting the control on her lap.

“You’ve been watching this show so much,” she began, “how does it not creep you out?”

“What? The bodies?”

“Yeah. I mean, I get it’s fake, but sometimes they look so real,” she shuddered.

“C’mon Ji, you’re just a baby,” you groaned.

She huffed, exiting from your crime show and scrolling up to the search bar. “I don’t care! I'm still gonna change it, you little creep.”

You let out a loud laugh, hugging a pillow close to your body. “You’re such a fuckin’ loser.”

“A loser with a girlfriend,” she teased in a singsong tone.

“What! Since when?”

“Since the party,” she grinned. “After we left we went to some little fast food place, she started going on about how she really likes me.”

“Ji,” you cooed, “I’m so happy for you.”

“I just feel so good about this,” she sighed dreamily. “I explained to her I’m not the most experienced with relationships and Yerim said we can move as slow as I’d like.”

“I’m glad. There’s no need to rush anything.”

She nodded, giving you a small smile. “What about you, hmm? Anyone capture your attention?”

“Maybe, I don’t know,” you mumbled.

Jiyoon tapped her fingers against the remote, her eyes flitting around the living room before zeroing in on the kitchen table and standing up abruptly. “Hey, is this Haechan’s?” she asked, picking the grey sweater up.

“Oh, yeah. I borrowed it the night of the party,” you lied.

A moment of silence passed before she walked over to the couch and sat down again. “Can I uh, tell you something? And you have to keep it a secret.”

“What is it?”

“I’ve been holding this in for weeks Y/N,” she whined. “The longest I’ve ever kept a secret in the entire history of my life!”

“Okay, tell me.”

“Alright, but you can’t say anything. I mean, I wasn’t supposed to say anything either but—”

You squeezed your eyes shut and let out a groan, throwing your pillow at her. “Lee Jiyoon, spit it out you overly dramatic bitch!”

She let out a loud gasp and her pink lips formed into an ‘o’ as she narrowed her eyes at you. “Well now I can’t say it, your attitude was unnecessary.”

“That’s fine with me, I don't ca—”

“Okay fine, you got me,” she interrupted. “Haechan likes you, like, really likes you.”

You blinked and waited for Jiyoon to start laughing, but she stared at you blankly instead. You felt the color drain from your face and your stomach twist in discomfort, her sudden confession catching you off guard.

“Did he—did he say that to you?”

She nodded. “It was when you left our place to hang out with Renjun, he seemed really serious about it,” she began, biting back a smile as she thought back to the event. “And I’ve never said anything to you or him, but sometimes I saw these looks you gave each other, like there was something more.”

You swallowed thickly, waiting for her to continue.

“I brushed it off as nothing, but then I saw you guys the night of the party.” She smiled softly. “Y/N, he adores you. He hasn’t dated since high school, and I know you’re not one for relationships either, but I just… hope you try.”

Here she was, trying to convince you of her brother's feelings when you had been trying to avoid them for weeks on end. You couldn’t lie to yourself and act like you didn’t see it; it didn’t take a genius to figure out from the beginning that this was where your little partnership with Haechan would end up.

You stayed silent for a moment, your eyes trained on the grey sweater she held in her hands. “I don’t know what to say, Ji,” you whispered.

She stood up, dropping the hoodie onto your lap softly. “You don’t have to say anything, just think about it, okay?”

𖥻 09 - CLAY BOWLS

You’d woken up in a cold sweat, your room tinted a murky blue from the light outside and birds chirping loudly in the distance. It felt like you couldn’t move; your eyes remained focused on the ceiling as you placed your hand on your chest to slow your breathing, blinking to adjust to the low light of the room. Jiyoon’s words bounced around in your head while you lay in bed, and you had mulled over your options late into the night before you fell asleep.

Haechan had sent you messages asking how your day had gone and if you ate anything, but they remained unopened. You couldn’t bring yourself to reply, let alone look at the tiny contact photo of him pouting above his name without feeling horrible. It was funny, knowing how you wanted to avoid Haechan like the plague even though you harbored the same feelings as him.

Your phone lit up with a notification, the bright screen casting a light over the ceiling.

[7:00am] haechan: ur prob sleeping, but i hope ur feeling okay

[7:01am] haechan: are we still on for today after my class?

[7:01am] you: i’m up, feeling better. we’re still on

For once, you had to listen to Renjun. You couldn’t keep running away from your problems even if it was easier to avoid them; you didn’t deserve that, and neither did Haechan.

You were able to fall back asleep for a few more hours after your short exchange with Haechan, and by now the sun had fully risen and painted a soft light over your apartment. Your nerves still pulled at your insides, but you tried to subdue the feeling by catching up on your show.

[1:30pm] haechan: i’ll be there soon, i’ll use the spare

A smile tugged at your lips.

[1:30pm] you: alright, see you then :]

A few weeks ago, you’d gotten home to find Haechan sitting on your front steps, his nose a soft pink from sitting in the cold.

“I wanted to see you, but then my phone died and I couldn’t text,” he had explained with a pout.

You remember laughing at his pout before lifting the flower pot beside him and pointing at the silver key. “You can let yourself in next time.”

Now that he knew where the spare was, you’d often find him on the couch watching a show or taking a nap as he hugged the throw blanket you kept there. You didn’t care to admit it made your heart stutter every time you caught him with his mouth agape, soft snores leaving his lips after a “long” day.

The sound of the door opening drew you from your thoughts, and the sight of him so relaxed made your fingers fidget with the rips on your jeans.

He smiled at you, dropping his book bag on the floor. “Hi.”

“Hi. How was class?”

“It was okay,” he replied. “My professor just lectured the whole time, I took a quick nap.”

“Shouldn’t sleep during class, Donghyuck.”

“My legal name? What’s gotten into you?” he joked.

You gave him a half-hearted smile and stood up from the couch, ignoring his watchful stare as you made your way into the kitchen.

“Hey, you okay?” Haechan asked. He tilted his head softly, eyes watching you carefully.

“I just feel tired. Let's get started with the clay, yeah?”

His lips parted as if to speak, but he stopped himself and sat beside you instead, waiting patiently as you slid over a chunk of clay.

“You can knead it for a little bit, soften it up,” you instructed. “I’ll show you how to use the tools when we get to that part.”

His nimble fingers began to change color as he kneaded, thin layers of the clay staining them terracotta.

“Use this little knife to cut stuff out, you can make whatever you’d like,” you said, sliding the tool over to Haechan with your elbow as you continued kneading.

“What’re you gonna make?”

You thought for a moment. “A little plate for my earrings.”

“I’ll make one too then, for my rings. Will you show me?”

You nodded, and although you’d practiced it enough to do it with your eyes closed, you worked slowly so he could copy what you did. He followed your movements carefully and scored the edges of his clay, spreading slip on it with his pointer finger.

Pausing to look over at his work, your eyebrows raised in slight surprise. “You caught on pretty fast,” you mused.

His eyes remained on his project while he attached a separate piece of clay to the base, smoothing over the edges where they met. “I have a great teacher.”

After a few more silent minutes of helping him fix little mistakes and comparing your creations, you put them down together to dry. “I got us air dry clay, that way I don’t have to bake it,” you explained. “We can paint them another day.”

“Y’know, I was expecting something like that scene from Ghost,” he joked. “I was ready for you to wrap your arms around me and teach me.”

You let out a breathy laugh, standing up from the chair and walking towards the sink to wash your hands. “Not today.”

He followed close behind you and rested his chin on your shoulder as you washed your hands. “Hey, seriously. Is everything okay?” he whispered. “You’ve been really quiet.”

Ignoring his question, you lightly shrugged his chin off of you as you scrubbed your hands furiously.

“Hey,” he pushed, reaching over to turn the water off. “What’s your problem?”

“I wasn't done washing my hands.”

A twinge of frustration laced his voice as he spoke, “I don’t care, talk to me.”

You turned around to look at him, his dirty hands resting on his hips as he stared you down. “Nothing’s wrong, Donghyuck.”

“You know you can’t lie to me, right? It’s so obvious when you do,” he snarked. “You can never go to bed without saying goodnight, and yesterday you did that and ignored my messages.”

“You say this like we’re dating. Why do you care?”

He cocked his head to the side, your words stinging as he processed them. “Why do I care? Because something is obviously going on.”

You pushed past him and walked towards your bedroom, his heavy footsteps sounding behind you. “You—you care too much, Donghyuck,” you huffed. “Stop it.”

“I can’t.”

“Well, you should. I’ll even help you out.”

“What are you talking about?” he questioned.

Your heart pounded in your chest as you turned to face him. He stared at you quizzically, his eyebrows pinched together as he waited for you to respond.

“We need a break,” you said bleakly.

Haechan let out a laugh of disbelief, his arms crossed over his chest. “A break from what? Fucking without feelings?” he jeered. “I’d say we’re pretty well past that!”

“I didn’t say that!” you exclaimed, throwing your hands up in exasperation.

“Well you implied it, and that’s as good as anything,” he yelled back. “I’m so fucking in love with you and you can’t see it.”

Your breath hitched in your throat and your vision blurred, making Haechan a mosaic of indistinguishable colors. His narrowed eyes softened as he caught sight of a tear rolling down your cheek, your bottom lip pulled between your teeth.

You collapsed onto the foot of the bed, your hands gripping your thighs. “Haechan you cannot say that to me,” you whispered. “Please don’t use that word.”

“I won’t ever force you into something, you know that,” he said. “But I can’t pretend nothing is going on.”

“Can you at least try? For me?”

He dropped down in front of you, his legs folded beneath him as his hands grabbed yours. They were rough, flakes of dried clay falling onto your jeans. “I know what goes on in my head, baby,” he said. “I can’t pretend, and I don’t want to either.”

By now your tears had begun to fall harder, the wet droplets soaking into your olive shirt and staining it a darker shade. Your face felt hot, the entire room blurry as you tried blinking them back.

“I know something’s going on in that pretty head of yours. I’ve noticed,” Haechan murmured softly. He lifted your chin up and made you look at him, his thumb wiping stray tears from your cheeks. “Say it.”

You shook your head, swallowing back sobs as tears welled up in his eyes. “Please, you’re killing me,” he begged.

He squeezed your hands, hoping to elicit a response from you. You kept shaking your head, lips pressed into a thin line as if someone had sewn them shut for you.

Haechan’s eyes searched your face, hoping to find a silent response from you. The longer you stood quiet the further he strayed from you, and the distraught feeling that snaked itself around his throat made it feel hard to breathe.

After a few more moments of silence, he pressed a kiss to your knuckles and released your hands, letting them fall onto your lap. “That’s all I needed to know,” he mumbled.

You watched him leave the room, his shoulders drooping downward and steps defeated as he walked out with your tears on his hands. Once the door slammed shut, you made your way to the kitchen and sat down in your spot from earlier, staring blankly at his clay bowl.

Maybe he wouldn’t get to paint it after all.

𖥻 10 - REALITY CHECK

Even when he was gone, all you could see was Haechan.

The t-shirts he’d left at your apartment remained untouched in your drawer, his hoodie was still thrown over the arm of your couch, and his now hardened clay bowl remained in the center of your table. It felt like a bad breakup, albeit there was no relationship to break up in the first place.

You couldn’t bring yourself to move his things into a bag or out of your line of sight either; every time you pulled your drawer open to grab a pair of socks, his t-shirts sat there neatly folded, practically taunting you about your biggest fuck up so far. At times you thought about getting rid of them, but you knew the reason everything remained the same in your apartment was because a part of you hoped he’d come back. You hoped he’d be sleeping on your couch after you got home one day, or maybe he’d join you in finally painting the clay bowls you had made together. You hoped that even after you fucked up, he’d be able to see the good in you.

“Why does he have to see the good in you?” Your head snapped up and you met Renjun’s eyes, his brows pinched together in confusion.

“Did I say that out loud?”

“Yeah, dumbass,” he muttered. “Why does he have to be the one who comes to you?”

You rubbed your arm, lips quirked to the side in thought. “I just, y’know, want him to understand I didn’t mean it,” you mumbled.

Renjun leaned forward in his chair, interlocking his fingers. “To be honest, I wouldn’t want anything to do with you. You know you have feelings for him, why couldn’t you admit that when he was bearing his soul to you like you were in some shitty Shakespeare play?”

“I was scared!” you exclaimed. “He was laying it all on me, and I just didn’t know what to say.”

“We’ve literally gone over this,” the raven-haired boy groaned, “don’t fuck things up for yourself because you’re scared.”

“Y’know, that’s really easy for you to say considering it’s not happening to you!”

He scoffed. “Damn straight. I don’t need anyone,” he said matter-of-factly, “but you two idiots need each other.”

“I guess so,” you muttered. “I regret pushing him away.”

“I told you not to.”

You rested your chin in the palm of your hand, eyes squinted in his direction. “You’re a shitty therapist, Huang.”

“Oh, is that what we’re doing?” he asked sarcastically. “I wasn’t aware, give me a minute.”

You watched in amusement as he straightened his posture and picked up his glasses from the table, placing the thin frame on his slender nose bridge. “Therapist Huang is ready to see you now. Tell me how you’re feeling.”

“Wait, before we start, are you charging by the hour?” you asked, stifling a laugh. “I only have five dollars in cash.”

He pursed his lips for a moment, thinking to himself. “I’ll charge by how much emotional baggage you have,” Renjun said. “And don’t worry about paying, I also take Venmo and PayPal.”

A fake smile was plastered on his face as he finished speaking, earning a loud laugh from you.

“It’s nice to see you laughing now,” he mused, a smile tugging at his lips. “I know you’re still upset, but there’s no point in being stuck on what you didn’t do—focus on what you can do.”

You gave him a thumbs up. “You’re like a walking inspirational quotes page.”

Renjun let out a frustrated sigh and pinched his nose bridge. “Thank you for ruining my moment.”

“I’m only encouraging you!”

He shook his head and took his glasses off again, the wiry frame hitting the table with a soft clang! as he set them down. “Therapy session over,” he deadpanned. “Let's get down to business.”

“What business?”

“The business. Keep up!” Renjun groaned. “What’re you gonna tell Haechan?”

You leaned your chin on your palm, lips pursed in thought. “Well, I’d like to apologize to h—”

“Well no shit.” Renjun’s eyes widened as he realized what he said. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that out loud.”

You glared at him. “As I was saying, I wanna apologize properly, y’know? Explain myself to him, profess my undying love, the sorts.”

“So we’re just gonna skip over the whole ‘undying love’ thing?” Your best friend looked at you with low eyes, annoyance written across his face.

Waving Renjun off, you crossed one leg over the other. “Yes, we don’t have enough time for that,” you sighed. “What should I do? Hold a boombox outside of his window?”

“I know that’s supposed to be a joke, but I wouldn’t put it past you,” he grimaced. “So that’s gonna be a fat ass no from me.”

“Okay, party pooper,” you muttered, putting your hands up in mock surrender, “I’ll go the simple route.”

“And what exactly is that?”

“Well I can’t say, that ruins the element of surprise.”

“You have no clue what you’re gonna do, do you?” Renjun deadpanned.

Your lips formed a tight line, cheeks puffing up as if stuffed with food. “I have no idea.”

𖥻 11 - BROCCOLI CHEDDAR SOUP

You were procrastinating. Hard.

A few days had passed since your conversation with Renjun and you’d done nothing to further your plan of winning Haechan back. This wasn’t a complicated, forty-step mission that you had to accomplish, you just needed to see him and apologize.

No ungodly amount of shitty reality TV or holiday movies were able mask the fact you couldn’t stop thinking about Haechan either, but he felt further away with every day that passed. Things were empty without him, to the point where you wished you could go back to him keeping an unnecessary amount of clothing at your apartment just so you’d have the opportunity to tease him about it.

Every room in your apartment had a memory of him attached to it too, like a never ending reminder you had to fix this. You could imagine him sleeping on the couch, a thin blanket pulled up to his chin and soft lashes fluttering against the tops of his cheekbones, or sitting on your bed while you tried on clothes and asked for his opinion (although it often ended with him wolf-whistling annoyingly loud).

Falling back onto the sofa, a huff of air escaped your lips. “It’s just a fuckin’ apology,” you muttered to yourself. “Think.”

It wasn’t until your stomach grumbled loudly and you checked your phone that you got an idea. You got off the couch abruptly, pulling on your coat and nearly tipping over as you tried putting your sneakers on with one hand.

It was Sunday, and that meant broccoli cheddar soup at the diner.

The December air was sharp, prickling at your skin and nose enough for your eyes to brim with tears. You waited for him to answer the door, holding the styrofoam container of soup close to your chest in hopes of easing the freezing cold. As you were about to knock your knuckles against the door again, it swung open.

Haechan looked at you in surprise, his pink lips parted as he focused on your face. His hair was longer now, tufts of caramel-colored strands covering the tops of his ears and eyebrows. The white t-shirt he wore hung on his body perfectly, and even in the light of winter it contrasted beautifully against his tanned skin.

“Oh, uh, Jiyoon isn’t ho—”

“I’m not here for her,” you breathed out, your words accompanied by white puffs of air. “I’m here for you.”

Confusion flashed in his eyes but he opened the door wider anyway, letting you into the warm house.

“Those are my sweats,” he said softly.

As confused as he was, his heart swelled while looking at you. The black puffer jacket you wore was zipped all the way up to your chin, the fluffy material giving you the appearance of a child well prepared for a day of playing in snow. His sweatpants were too long and bunched up around your ankles, the gray material flowing onto the tongue of your sneakers.

You set the soup down and looked down at your legs, cheeks burning in embarrassment. “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention this morning,” you murmured.

He shook his head and smiled softly. “It’s okay, they look better on you anyway,” he replied reassuringly. “But uh, did you need something?”

“Yes, kind of. I wanna tell you I’m sorry,” you said carefully, unzipping your jacket. “And I brought us soup.”

A dulcet laugh escaped his heart-shaped lips at the mention of the soup, his tired eyes crinkling at the corners. “Let's talk first, yeah?”

You nodded and followed him to the sofa, your knees knocking together softly as you sat beside each other.

“Hyuck, I really wasn’t thinking straight,” you mumbled, wringing your hands together. “I’m sorry. I thought that—I don’t know… maybe denying what I was feeling would go better for us, but I was wrong.”

He nodded, beckoning you to continue.

“I was so scared that it would ruin things between us, but I did that all by myself,” you laughed dryly. “It felt like a bad dream; all I wanted was to wake up and see you taking over my house again.”

He let out a small laugh at that, his cheeks tinted a soft pink. “Y’know, I really wanted to call you,” he began, “but I just… I thought you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore.”

“I should have been honest with you. It wasn’t fair to you or me,” you admitted, hesitantly grabbing one of his hands.

Haechan ran his thumb across your knuckles, remaining quiet for a moment before speaking, “I think both of us should have been more honest from the beginning… but thanks for apologizing.” A smile played on his lips; not enough for the skin around his eyes to crinkle, but enough for you to know it was genuine.

“Maybe we can… go back and start over?” you suggested softly.

He nodded, shaking your hand. “I’m Donghyuck, but you can call me Haecha—”

A loud laugh escaped your lips, your hand coming up to swat his shoulder. “Not that far back, dumbass!”

𖥻 12 - NO MORE SECRETS

Haechan liked when you were vulnerable.

He liked when you didn’t wipe your tears away during sad scenes of sappy films, and he liked when you told him exactly how you felt without beating around the bush. You didn’t hide from him anymore; he could explore you with both his words and calloused hands without you holding back.

He liked when you shared, too. Spoonfuls of your soup, the expensive face wash you used, even your endless amount of paint tubes in that clear bag on the side of your desk.

“Hey, earth to loverboy,” you called to him, waving your hand in his face. “Pass me the blue paint, please.”

He reached over to grab the tube and screwed the cap off, handing it to you. “Y’know, you’re way better at this than I am. Maybe you can paint mine.”

“Nope, it’s your bowl. You paint it.”

“Please,” he groaned, dragging out the word, “I’ll give you a bajillion kisses if you do.” He blinked rapidly, trying to sway you with the flutter of his lashes and the pout that graced his lips.

“You look dumb,” you laughed. “Plus, you can’t give me a bajillion kisses. That number doesn’t exist, and your lips would fall off.”

Haechan paused for a moment, his eyebrows furrowing in thought as he turned to you.

“What are you doing?” You squinted at him.

“I’m just… thinking of my science experiment.” He shrugged. “You’ll be my lab rat, right?”

“A fuckin lab rat? What are yo—”

He squished your cheeks between his hands as he began to pepper kisses along your face, a laugh escaping your mouth as his lips sloppily pressed against your cheek.

“Let me go! That’s enough!” you cackled, pushing him away by his shoulders. “What kind of science experiment is that?”

“I think I got close to a bajillion kisses,” he said cheekily, leaning back into his chair. “Lips are still attached, babe.”

You shook your head, a faint smile on your face as you began painting again. “So annoying, Donghyuck.”

He stared at you silently, unaware of the way his lips curled into a grin as you worked. “Hey, can I tell you something?”

Humming in response, you continued to brush blue paint onto the terracotta bowl.

“I love you,” he whispered.

Your head shot up in surprise, eyes slightly widened and glittering from the reflection of the light above your kitchen table. “I love you too,” you mumbled, leaning over to kiss his lips softly.

There was no more sneaking around in his bedroom or car, and no rushing to leave before you were seen or telling little white lies. He could hold you softly and love you loudly, with no fear of what would happen next.

Haechan liked not having any more secrets, but he loved that you were finally his.

© 2022 fullsunfluff — all rights reserved. do not copy, translate, modify, repost, or claim as yours.

a/n: if you got down to this point, thank you so much for reading this! it’s my first 11k+ fic and i’m kindaaaa proud of it<3 thank you to my lovely beta readers @masterninjacow @subways-stuff @latetaektalk @/hvae @/jensrose i appreciate y’all so much !! :( as always, feedback is appreciated <3 have a great day/night !!

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CHENLE We Young, 170820