Oh My God Will It Fucking Kill You To Say They

oh my god will it fucking kill you to say “they”

fuck why do my EYEBROWS give me dysphoria?

On fae/faer pronouns and cultural appropriation

HOW IT STARTED

I had a handful, a very small handful but more than two, responses in the Gender Census feedback box telling me that fae/faer pronouns are appropriative. The reasons didn’t always agree, and the culture that was being appropriated wasn’t always the same, but here’s a selection of quotes:

“Fae pronouns are cultural appropriation and are harmful to use“ - UK, age 11-15

“I’m not a person who practices pagan holidays but, my understanding is that pronouns like fae/faeself are harmful because the fae are real to pagans and is like using Jesus/jesuself as pronouns“ - UK, age 11-15

“I know you’ve probably heard this a million times, so has everyone on the internet, but the “mere existence’‘of the fae pronoun feels really uncomfortable for some of us. I’m personally not against neopronouns like xe/xim, er/em and the like, I am a pagan but apart from the, imo most important, reasoning of that pronoun being immensely disrespectful, I worry as an nb about people who banalize the usage of pronouns ’'for fun”, and I’m quoting what some people have told me.“ - Spain, 16-20

“I don’t agree with fae/deity pronouns just from a pagan perspective it’s very disrespectful to the cultures they come from. Like Fae are a legit thing in many cultures and they hate with a fiery passion mortal humans calling themselves Fae to the point of harming/cursing the people who do it“ - USA, age 16-20

“only celtic people can use far/ faers otherwise it’s cultural appropriation, many celts have said this and told me this“ - USA, age 16-20

So that’s:

❓ Someone who doesn’t say whether they’re pagan or Celtic.

❌ Someone who definitely isn’t pagan.

✅ Someone who is pagan.

❓ Someone who doesn’t say whether they’re pagan or Celtic.

❓ Someone who doesn’t say whether they’re pagan or Celtic.

So, just to disclose some bias up-front, I am English so I’m not Celtic, but I do live in Wales so I am surrounded by Celts. The bit of Wales that I live in is so beautiful in such a way that when my French friend came to visit me she described it as féerique - like an enchanting, magical land, literally “fairylike” or thereabouts. Coincidentally I have also considered myself mostly pagan for over half of my life, and I can’t definitively claim whether or not the Fae are “part of paganism” because paganism is so diverse and pick’n’mix that it just doesn’t work that way.

To me the idea that fae/faer pronouns would be offensive or culturally appropriative sounds absurd. But also, I am powered by curiosity, and have been wrong enough times in my life that I wanted to approach this in a neutral way with an open mind. Perhaps what I find out can be helpful to some people.

So since we only have information from one person who is definitely directly affected by any cultural appropriation that may be happening, the first thing I wanted to do was get some information from ideally a large number of people who are in the cultures being appropriated, and see what they think.

~

WHAT I DID

First of all I put some polls up on Twitter and Mastodon, which have not closed yet, but they’ve got enough responses that i feel pretty okay about publishing the results.

I specified that I wanted to hear from nonbinary Celts and pagans, just so that the voters would be familiar with fae/faer pronouns. I asked the questions in a neutral way, i.e. “How do you feel about…” with “good/neutral/bad” answer options, instead of something more leading like “Is this a load of rubbish?” or “are you super offended?” with “yes/no” options. I provided a “see results” option, so that the poll results wouldn’t be skewed as much by random people clicking any old answer to see the results. And I invited voters to express their opinions in replies.

Question #1: Nonbinary people of Celtic descent (Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Cornwall, the Isle of Man, and Brittany), how do you feel about non-Celtic people using the neopronoun set fae/faer? [ It’s good / No strong feelings/other / It’s bad ]

Question #2: Nonbinary pagans, how do you feel about non-pagans using the neopronoun set fae/faer? [ It’s good / No strong feelings/other / It’s bad ]

The Twitter polls got over 700 responses each, and the Mastodon polls got over 100 responses each. With a little bit of spreadsheetery I removed the “N/A” responses to reverse engineer the number of people voting for each option, combined those numbers, and recalculated percentages.

Obviously this approach is not in the least scientific, but thankfully the results were unambiguous enough and the samples were big enough that I feel comfortable drawing conclusions.

Celts on fae/faer pronouns being used by non-Celts (343 voters):

It’s good - 40.5%

No strong feelings/other - 45.9%

It’s bad - 13.6%

Pagans on fae/faer pronouns being used by non-pagans (316 voters):

It’s good - 44.3%

No strong feelings/other - 42.2%

It’s bad - 13.5%

Here’s how that looks as a graph:

The limitations of polls on these platforms means that we have no way to distinguish between people who have more complicated views (”other”) and people who have “no strong feelings”, so we can’t really draw conclusions there. If we stick to just the pure positive and pure negative:

Celts were over three times as likely to feel positive about non-Celts using fae/faer pronouns than they were to feel negative.

Pagans were over three times as likely to feel positive about non-pagans using fae/faer pronouns than they were to feel negative.

So Celts and pagans are way more likely to feel actively good about someone’s fae/faer pronouns, even when that person is not a Celt/pagan. That’s some strong evidence against the idea that fae/faer pronouns are appropriative, right there.

~

CORRECTIONS

To be clear, I haven’t done any research about the roots of fae/faer or the origins of the Fae and related beings, but my goal here was to get a sense of what Celts and pagans think and feel, rather than what an historian or anthropologist would say.

On the anti side, here were the replies that suggested fae/faer either is or might be inappropriate:

“I only worry that not everyone understands the origin of the word outside of modernized ideas of fairies.“ - pagan

“As a vaguely spiritual Whatever (Ireland), I think a mortal using “fae” as a pronoun/to refer to themselves is asking for a malicious and inventive fairy curse (on them, their families and possibly anyone in their vicinity, going by the traditions). I have not heard of this term before, so this is an immediate reaction from no background bar my cultural knowledge of sidhe/fae/term as culturally appropriate. My general approach is people can identify themselves as they want.“ - Celtic

So we’ve got a pagan who’s wary that people who use fae/faer (and people in general) might not have a fully fleshed out idea of the Fae. And we’ve got a Celt who doesn’t mind people using fae/faer personally, but based on what they know of the Fae they wouldn’t be surprised if the Fae got mad about it. No outright opposition, but a little concern.

There were not a lot of replies on the pro side, but not because people weren’t into it, judging by the votes. There were a lot of “it’s more complicated than that” replies, many of which repeated others, so quotes won’t really work. Here’s a summary of the Celtic bits:

“Fae” is not a Celtic word, and Celts don’t use it. It is French, or Anglo-French.

“Fae” can refer to any number of stories/legends from a wide variety of cultures in Europe, not one cohesive concept.

There are many legends about fairy-like beings in Celtic mythologies, and there are many, many different names for them.

The Celts are not a monolith, they’re a broad selection of cultures with various languages and various mythologies.

And the pagan bits:

Paganism is not closed or exclusive in any way. It might actually be more open than anything else, as “pagan” is a sort of umbrella term for non-mainstream religions in some contexts. A closed culture would be a prerequisite for something to be considered “appropriated” from paganism.

From my own experience, pagans may or may not believe in the Fae, and within that group believers may or may not consider the Fae to be sacred and/or worthy of great respect. (I’ve certainly never met a pagan who worshipped the Fae, though I don’t doubt that some do.)

And then we get into the accusations. 🍿

“this issue wasn’t started by Celtic groups or by people who know much about Celtic fae. It was started primarily by anti-neopronoun exclusionist pagans on TikTok.“

“[I’m] literally Scottish […] and it’s not appropriative in the least and honestly to suggest as such is massively invalidating towards actual acts of cultural appropriation and is therefore racist. Feel like if this was actually brought up it was either by some people who seriously got their wires crossed or people who are just concern trolling and trying to make fun of both neo-pronouns and of the concept of cultural appropriation and stir the pot in the process.“

“It wouldn’t be the first time bigots falsly claim “it’s appropriative from X marginalized group" to harass people they don’t like, like they did with aspec people when they claimed “aspec” was stolen from autistic language (which was false, as many autistics said)“

“It’s been a discussion in pagan circles recently … People were very quick to use the discussion as an excuse to shit on nonbinary people.“

“I think it would be apropos to note that the word “faerie/fairy” has been a synonym for various queer identities for decades, too. The Radical Faeries are a good example.“ (So if anyone has the right to [re]claim it…)

A little healthy skepticism is often wise in online LGBTQ+ “discourse”, and some of these people are making some very strong claims, for which I’d love to see some evidence/sources/context. Some of it certainly sounds plausible.

~

HOW DID IT START?

I had a look on Twitter and the earliest claim I can find that fae/faer pronouns are cultural appropriation is from 18th February 2020, almost exactly one year ago today. Again, tweets are not the best medium for this, there was very little in the way of nuance or context. If anyone can find an older claim from Twitter or Tumblr or anywhere else online, please do send it my way.

I have no idea how to navigate TikTok because I’m a nonbinosaur. (I’m 34.) I did find some videos of teens and young adults apparently earnestly asserting that they were Celtic or pagan and the use of fae/faer pronouns was offensive, but the videos were very brief and provided nothing in the way of nuance or context. For example:

This one from October 2020 with 29k ❤️s, by someone who I assume is USian based on the word “mom”?

This one from December 2020, that says “I am pagan and i find it rather disrespectful. It’s like using god/godr or jesus/jesusr.” That’s probably what inspired the feedback box comment above that refers to hypothetical jesus/jesusr pronouns.

If anyone is able to find a particularly old or influential TikTok video about fae/faer pronouns being appropriative I’d really appreciate it, especially if it’s from a different age group or from not-the-USA, to give us a feel for how universal this is.

For context, fae pronouns were mentioned in the very first Gender Census back in May 2013, though you’ll have to take my word for it as the individual responses are not currently public. The word “fae” was mentioned in the pronoun question’s “other” textbox, and no other forms in the set were entered so we have no way of knowing for sure what that person’s full pronoun set actually is. This means the set may have been around for longer. The Nonbinary Wiki says that the pronoun set was created in October 2013, as “fae/vaer”, later than the first entry in the Gender Census, so I’ll be editing that wiki page later! If anyone has any examples of fae/faer pronouns in use before 2013 I would also be very interested to see that.

~

IN SUMMARY

Obviously I can’t speak for everyone, as the Twitter polls are not super scientific and they only surveyed a selection of Celts and pagans within a few degrees of separation of the Gender Census Twitter and Mastodon accounts, but I can certainly report on what I found.

For a more conclusive result, we’d need to take into account various demographics such as age, culture, location, religion, race/heritage, etc.

As far as I can tell based on fairly small samples of over 300 people per group at the time of writing, a minority of about 13% of Celtic and/or pagan people felt that use of fae/faer pronouns is appropriative.

A much higher number of people per group felt positive about people who are not Celts or pagans using fae/faer pronouns. The predominant view was:

It can’t be cultural appropriation from Celtic cultures because fairy-like beings are not unique to Celtic cultures and Celtic cultures don’t call them Fae.

It can’t be cultural appropriation from pagan cultures because paganism is not “closed” or exclusive in any way, it’s too broad and open.

~

If your experience of your gender(s) or lack thereof isn’t described or encompassed by the gender binary of “male OR female”, please do click here to take the Gender Census 2021 - it’s international and it closes no earlier than 10th March 2021!

Intersex Terminology Masterpost

This post updates regularly, so please check the notes before reading or reblogging to find the most recent version. Click the links to read more (pride flags too) and feel free to add on! All terms are intersex exclusive unless otherwise stated.

General Terms

Intersex (Adj.) - A term to describe those who were born with a sex variation that led to having sex characteristics that aren’t traditionally male or female. Abbreviation is IS. Noun form is Intersexness (the word I personally use is Intersexuality). Read more here.

Dyadic (Adj.) - A term meaning “of two” used by intersex people to describe those who are not IS. Noun form is Dyad(s). 

Perisex (Adj.) - A term whose prefix means “around,” “near,” used and coined intersex people to describe those who are not IS.

Endosex (Adj) - A term whose prefix means “within” used and coined by intersex people to describe those who are not IS.

Juxtasex (Adj) - A term whose prefix means “close to” used and coined by intersex people to describe those who are not IS.

Variation - A term used to refer to the cause of someone’s intersexuality. It is generally to be used instead of condition/disorder/etc. Variations can involve chromosomal, hormonal, and/or gonadal differences. There are some variations listed on LGBTA Wikia, the main source for this masterpost.

DSD - An abbreviation meaning either “difference of sexual development” or “disorder of sexual development.” The latter should not be used, and Variation is generally to be used over DSD. (Link contains list of Variations)

Intersexism / Inter(sex)phobia - The discrimination, prejudice, dislike, and hatred of and towards IS people.

Dyadism - [TW] The belief that being Dyadic is normal, correct, the default, etc., and that IS people are unnatural, wrong, diseased/deformed, insignificant, etc. Can also be called Perisexism, Endosexism, or Juxtasexism.

Assignment Related [TW]

Sex Assignment - Different from gender assignment, sex assignment is the process by which a person’s “biological sex” is determined. Everyone is assigned a sex and gender at birth, and for intersex people, sex assignment can be complicated and traumatic (see; IGM and Forced/Coerced HRT).

AXAB - Assigned “X” At Birth. For IS people who did not have a sex assigned to them at birth. A similar term is UAB.

AIAB - Assigned Intersex At Birth. For IS people whose intersexuality was recognized at birth. May be used in place of/alongside “AXAB.”

IAFAB / IAMAB - “Intersex Assigned Female At Birth” and “Intersex Assigned Male At Birth.” For IS people regardless of when their intersexuality was recognized.

CAFAB / CAMAB - “Coercively Assigned Female At Birth” and “Coercively Assigned Male At Birth.” These terms are not intersex exclusive and are generally used to underline the fact that gender assignment is nonconsensual. [TW] In the IS community these may be used to describe people who underwent IGM or other medical methods of assignment.

FAFAB / FAMAB - “Forcibly Assigned Female At Birth” and “Forcibly Assigned Male At Birth.” Used similarly to CAMAB / CAMAB in the intersex community.

IGM - [TW] Infant/Intersex Genital Mutilation. Used by IS people in reference to the surgical procedures used to alter intersex people’s genitalia/remove internal organs in order to assign or reassign our sex and/or gender.

Forced/Coerced HRT - [TW] Forced/Coerced “Hormone Replacement Treatment” is an experience that probably deserves its own name independent of HRT, however is called this due to lack of terminology. It refers to the hormones given w/o proper consent to IS people in order to make us appear dyadic. It also may be given as a result of IGM impairing or destroying organs responsible for the production of certain hormones.

Gender Identities

Intergender - A gender that is in some form linked to being intersex. Also known as Integender or Mera.  A similar identity is Amalgagender.

Inter-Aligned - A gender alignment for nonbinary IS people whose gender is aligned with being IS instead of or alongside being masc-aligned or fem-aligned.

Amalgagender - A gender that is affected by or mixed into one’s intersex identity. A specific inte®gender.

Duogender - A gender that is a combination of male and female as a result one’s intersexuality. A specific inte®gender. 

Interandrogyne - A form of Androgyne that is connected or influenced by one’s intersexuality. A specific inte®gender. Similar to Duogender and not to be confused with Interandrogynous. [Coined by me]

Divisigender - A gender that is distinct and wholly separate from male and female experienced as a result of one’s intersexuality. A specific inte®gender. 

Neutroix - A gender that feels completely neutral, especially related to one’s intersexuality. Similar to Neutrois, but for intersex people only. A specific inte®gender.

Ingender - A form of Agender that is experienced as a result of one’s intersexuality. Also known as Vacagender or Intergenderless. A specific inte®gender.

Rebis - A gender that transcends the false idea of gender and sex as binaries. Not to be confused with Resbis. A specific inte®gender. 

Resbis - A term to describe an intersex person who feels regularly conflicted by and is trying to reconcile with their gender identity, or who feels they have in the past struggled with their gender identity, but who has now reached a state of harmony with their gender. Not to be confused with Rebis.

Trans-Intersexual - A term for IS people who feel as if they’re both biological sexes and do not fit into the categories of “male or female.” These people fit the categories of both intersex and transgender people. Not to be confused with Transgender-Intersex.

Gender Modalities

Ipsogender - A gender modality for IS people who identify as the gender they were assigned, and may or may not identify with being cisgender due to their experiences with intersexuality, dydaism, and/or cissexism. Coined by an IS sociologist! A similar term is Advenagender. May be abbreviated as “ipso.”

Ipsofeminine - A gender modality for Ipsogender people who are of a feminine gender identity or transitioning femininely. May be abbreviated as “ipsofem.” [Coined by me]

Ipsomasculine - A gender modality for Ipsogender people who are of a masculine gender identity or transitioning masculinely. May be abbreviated as “ipsomasc.” [Coined by me]

Ultergender - A gender modality for IS people who do not identify as the gender they were assigned, and due to their intersexuality may or may not identify with being transgender. May be abbreviated as “ulter.”

Ulterfeminine - A gender modality for Ultergender people who are of a feminine gender identity or transitioning femininely. May be abbreviated as “ulterfem.” [Coined by me​]

Ultermasculine -  A gender modality for Ultergender people who are of a masculine gender identity or transitioning masculinely. May be abbreviated as “ultermasc.”

Ulterneutral - A gender modality for Ultergender people who are of a neutral/both masc and fem gender identity or transitioning neutrally.

Transmascfem / Transfemmasc - A gender modality for people who are both transfeminine and transmasculine as a result of being UAB, AXAB, or intersex. May also be written as “Transmascfeminine” or “Transfemmasculine.” 

Exparfeminine - A gender modality for IS people who relate to transfemininity despite not being AMAB. May be abbreviated as “exparfem.“

Exparmasculine - A gender modality for IS people who relate to transmasculinity despite not being AFAB. May be abbreviated as “exparmasc.”

Transgender-Intersex - A term for an IS person whose gender identity does not match the one decided on by their doctors and/or parents at birth, and identifies as transgender and intersex at the same time. Not all intersex people who are identify as trans-intersex, however. More commonly said abbreviated as “trans-intersex.”

Gender Expression

Inter-expressive - A term to describe an IS person (who may or may not be intergender) feels that their gender expression is deeply influenced by or intrinsically linked to their intersex variation.

Intermasculine - An Inter-expressive person whose gender expression is masculine. May be abbreivated as “intermasc.”

Interfeminine - An Inter-expressive person whose gender expression is feminine. May be abbreviated as “interfem” or “interfemme.”

Interandrogynous - An Inter-expressive person whose gender expression is androgynous. May be abbreviated as “interangi.”

Interambigous - An Inter-expressive person whose gender expression is ambiguous. May be abbreviated as “interambi.”

Interxenine - An Inter-expressive person whose gender expression is xenine. May be abbreviated as “interxene.”

Interoutherine - An Inter-expressive person whose gender expression is outherine. May be abbreviated as “interouther.”

Transition Related

XTF - A term for IS people who are transitioning femininely, regardless of whether they’re cis, trans, etc. Also can be used by transfeminine or exparfem IS people opposed to MTF.

XTM - A term for IS people who are transitioning masculinely, regardless of whether they’re cis, trans, etc. Also can be used by transmasculine or exparmasc IS people opposed to FTM.

XTX - A term for IS people who are transitioning towards gender neutrality, both masculinity & femininity, back to their “natural” bodies, or a variety of other manners, whether they’re cis, trans, etc.

Note on transition related language: An IS person may create longer this-to-that acronyms to describe their personal experience, which may refer past nonconsensual hormone “treatments.” An example of this is someone saying they’re XTFTMTX (Intersex to female to male to neutral / their natural body).

Culturally Exclusive Terms

Ay’lonit - A term from Jewish culture for AFAB individuals “who [have] not shown signs of typical female puberty” - “presumed infertile” and have masculine sex characteristics (Source). Historically a term to refer to intersex people, but in modern times is used by both trans and intersex Jews.

Saris - A term from Jewish culture for AMAB individuals “who has not shown signs of typical sexual maturity; a eunuch.” There are two types: Saris Chama and Saris Adam. (Source). Historically a term to refer to intersex people, but in modern times is used by both trans and intersex Jews.

Androgynos - A term from Jewish culture for a person possessing both male and female sex characteristics. (Source). Historically a term to refer to intersex people, but in modern times is used by both trans and intersex Jews.

Tumtum - A term from Jewish culture for “a person of indeterminate gender; one whose genitals are obscured or not clearly male or female.” (Source). Historically a term to refer to intersex people, but in modern times is used by both trans and intersex Jews.

Kathoey - A term used by people in Thailand who in English may be described as transfeminine or intersex women.

Please correct anything on here if needed! Especially the culturally exclusive terms (although please do so with appropriate sources).

Don’t just like, reblog if you can! Don’t forget to check the notes to find the most recent version!