Eddie Brock Is A Dense Mofo Cuz He Could Just Open An OnlyFans For Both Himself AND Venom And Never Worry

Eddie Brock is a dense mofo cuz he could just open an OnlyFans for both himself AND Venom and never worry about money again. The least realistic thing about Marvel isn’t the alien that leaks thru human skin to form semi-bulletproof flesh armor, it’s the fact that a guy as RIPPED as Eddie Brock can’t work it enough to own a decent apartment and someone like Venom doesn’t send every monsterfucker in New York/San Fransisco buckwild.

“He has to much self-respect to-” No he doesn’t. He never has and never will.

Marc Spector, hunched over the bar at 3am, most of his way through a bottle of tequila: “I can never escape from him. He sustains me and imprisons me. I would be dead without him a hundred times over, but can I call this a life? Every day, every night, I hear his voice in my head, telling me to kill in his name. How do you deal with it?”

Eddie Brock, drinking a beer and tossing peanuts up into the air for Venom to catch: “I don’t know, man, have you tried fucking him?”

This is so funny. Hey trans men, are you a big enough jackass to be a man? Have you been doing your diss-training? You know you'll never pass if you aren't calling your buddies sorry sacks of useless dog shit 12 times a MINUTE.

in my experience nobody stops having a favorite animal when they grow up but people DO stop asking. well now i'm asking. what's everyone's favorite animal mine is the noble manatee

Top 10 Horror Films (UPDATED)

10. The Conjuring (2013)

On paper, The Conjuring could easily be considered your average haunted house film. While that may be the case, we are following a fictionalised version of a true story. Ed and Lorraine Warren (played by Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga, respectively) are paranormal investigators who agree to help a family in need, as they find their new house to be riddled with demonic possession. An extremely standard concept, but beautifully executed. I'm certain the hide and seek scene will remain an iconic horror moment for years to come.

9. Midsommar (2019)

This is going to sound strange, but this is the first cult-related film I have seen that actually runs the risk of warming you to the idea of a cult. I do believe, however, that this was the intention. Dani (Florence Pugh) begins the film with the devastating loss of her sister and parents. In an attempt to bring her out of her funk, her boyfriend invites her to a Swedish celebration with him and his friends. During the stay, Dani seems to find her place amongst the people there, but others are not so lucky. It's an intense watch, definitely only suited to the maturer audience, but do be prepared to end your viewing unsure of how to feel about what you've just watched.

8. Us (2019)

Who'd have thought that Jordan Peele would be creating such fabulously constructed horror films? Since his major success with Get Out (2017), this film had some big shoes to fill, and fill them it did. The film focuses on a family who are going on holiday to the seaside. It is clear from the get go, however, that the mother, Adelaide (Lupita Nyung'o), is not overly thrilled about the prospect due to a traumatic experience she suffered there as a child. We soon find out that her fears of this ordeal coming back to haunt her are not so far fetched. This is the kind of film that needs to be seen to be understood. Another home run for Peele.

7. As Above, So Below (2014)

For whatever reason, this film did not receive the best of critical reviews. As far as I am concerned, this is one of the more unique takes on horror. Archeologist Scarlett (Perdita Weeks) sets out to complete her dad's quest of finding the legendary Philosopher's Stone. In order to do this, however, she must go deep below the ground within the catacombs of Paris. Not an easy feat to begin with, which is only made more difficult the deeper she and her team goes. It seems the only wait out, is down.

6. The Descent (2005)

This is another one set below ground, but is arguably scarier than number 7 overall. We follow a group of female cave explorers as they embark on a new expedition. Without giving too much away, this new adventure proves to be more challenging than those previous, as the cave is home to some extremely terrifying creatures. While not necessarily the most original concept, the tense dynamics between the characters and the unexpected fast pace of the film and its plot development make this one wild ride. I went into it having heard it to be one of the scariest modern horrors, and it certainly lived up to its reputation.

5. Creep (2014)

Where to start with this cult classic. We have a horror film starring only two people, and said people also wrote and directed it. Usually, such low budget horror is not executed too well, but this film is one for the ages. Filmmaker Aaron (Patrick Brice) responds to an ad made by Josef (Mark Duplass), who wishes to have his entire day documented for his unborn son to see, as Josef has terminal cancer and does not expect to live to meet his child. As the day progresses, it is clear that there is something amiss. Be prepared to have a new favourite horror villain with this one.

4. It Chapter 2 (2019)

It Chapter 2 takes place 27 years after its predecessor, and the Losers Club's oath is put to work when Pennywise returns to Derry to take more children. While I thoroughly enjoyed Chapter 1, the all-star cast of Chapter 2 just takes the cake. We get to see our Losers as adults, struggling with the effects of the first film, and finding the strength to come together and fight their foe once more. Another beautifully executed film, which is sure to pull at your heart strings AND give you nightmares. Two for the price of one. How fun.

3. Ready or Not (2019)

This is a fun one. Definitely more of a comedy/horror, so if you're looking for a more lighthearted scare, then this one is for you. The film takes place on the wedding day of Grace (Samara Weaving) and Alex (Mark O'Brien). After the ceremony, Grace is informed that she must take part in the tradition of playing a game to welcome her into the family. Unfortunately for Grace, she chooses to play the one game that has a fine print - hide and seek. I'm sure fighting her way out of her husband's family home is not how she expected her wedding night to go. This film has it all; scares, humour, romance, and plenty of gore. It was the highlight of my cinema trips in 2019. Couldn't recommend it enough.

2. Train to Busan (2016)

Looking for the greatest zombie film ever made? Look no further. If you can get past having to read the subtitles, you've got yourself an absolute gem with this iconic South Korean horror. It's one thing to be stuck in a zombie-filled world, but it is another ballpark entirely when you're stuck on a train with them. That's the predicament Seokwoo (Gong Yoo) and his daughter find themselves in. This film will make you laugh, cry, and hide behind your pillow. I would never have expected to categorise a zombie film as beautiful, but I feel it is an appropriate descriptor for this amazing work of art.

1. The Conjuring 2 (2016)

No one ever seems to agree with me when I say that this film is scarier that the first of the series. I believe being British and knowing the Enfield Haunting well already might be the reason. The great thing about this film is that it goes against the usual tropes of the haunted house sub-genre. The Hodgson family have not newly moved into their home, they have in fact lived there for years already. After Mr. Hodgson leaves them, the family find themselves tormented by a number of demonic presences, and enlist the help of Ed and Lorraine Warren, who are not entirely convinced by the family's story. While this film always scares the shit out of me, I could easily watch it over and over again. Still can't watch it alone though.