"Nothing I've Ever Wanted Has Come Naturally To Me." "What Did You Want?"

"Nothing I've ever wanted has come naturally to me." "What did you want?"

fulfilling @nicolelovesfandoms idea (x) 2/2

Fanfic writers really are the masters of building you up and shattering your heart. The rollercoaster two chapters can put you through.

She’s not sure what reaction she expects. While their training and ideologies for the most part are the same, Jade has never known what to expect from the Pacalcade when she tells the story of Ballantine’s tragic end. But to be honest, she’s been too busy and distracted to really consider it. And perhaps she prefers it that way. Because now all she can wonder is if they’ll hate her for it. Will they think she’s lying? Or will they agree with the actions taken as honorable knights of the realm? Maybe she’ll encounter all three. Regardless, it leaves her uneasy.

The silence seems never ending. She watches and waits as Hati goes through the motions. There’s almost a relief when he seems to understand her predicament. Maybe she isn’t a monster and won’t be in the eyes of her Pacalcade brothers. Hati is one of the most honorable and dutiful knights she knows. If he’s on her side, the others will surely follow. Maybe not all of them, but most of them.

His apology leaves her shaken. No, this was never a burden she should have had to take on. And no one has said that to her until Hati. She feels the weight of it everyday. It’s more than a burden. It broke her and molded her into something new. The Jade from before this rescue mission is gone. She died with Ballantine in the Pitiless Pass.

“It wasn’t enough,” she responds. Her love as a daughter, his love as a father, it hadn’t been enough. She can hear Elora and Kit in her head. We believe that love is the most powerful thing in the universe. Love had saved Graydon. Love had saved Airk. Both corrupted then set free from the Lich, from the Crone. But Ballantine, her father? Duty and honor came before love, overpowered it, always had. Love cannot save while duty and honor are determined to kill. And that revelation has changed Jade, too.

Jade reaches out and clasps Hati’s forearm just below the joint, a gesture of solidarity. “Who has the queen promoted to Commander? An older knight, I presume.” She has no desire to discuss how she feels about what she did. What was done was done. Whether necessary or not, Jade can’t continue to ponder for the sake of her mental state and her friendships.

He watches her shake her head and two wolves fight within his heart - were it not for the strengths of the emotions now crashing over Hati, he might have realised the irony of such an idea. There is that strange sigh of relief that wishes to escape his lips, for he knows Ballantine would not have wanted it any other way. Death over Dishonor. It is what he has been raised to believe. And if the commander is dead it will not fall to him or the other knights to hunt him down.

But that sigh cannot leave, for there is also a sharp cry of pain stuck in his windpipe. Merrick lost, Keene lost. His brothers in arms dead. Ballantine somewhere cold and lifeless... He feels his knees trembling, his features a mirror of the shock he is feeling. What they all have feared has come true, and though he knew it was coming it still rips the ground from beneath his feet.

Elora Danan. He had heard the legends, the tales, that concept of a rightful Empress that never quite sat right with him - for Hati already has Sorsha, his rightful queen. And he saw that girl, Brunhilde, grow up in the castle. It is not easy to put the two - legend and girl - together, not even after days.

I killed him.

That sentence hangs between them and Hati finally loses that last bit of stoic control and discipline. A curse escapes his lips and he sinks into a nearby chair, head buried in his hands, fingers clinging to dark locks. He struggles to find the right words to say, the weight of the situation, of the loss, of that dreadful responsibility, weighing him down. Finally, he swallows hard, clasps his hands together to keep them from becoming fists as he raises his gaze toward Jade once more.

"I am sorry", words filled with tenderness and grief alike, "I am sorry for your loss, Jade. This should have never been your burden to carry. I know how much he meant to you.", Hati rises, stepping towards her, reaching out - if she is willing to have someone close now - "But I also know how much you meant to him. It may not be of much help now but I am sure it brought comfort to our commander, being loved even to the end." They have never spoken about this openly, how much Ballantine was a father to the both of them. But Hati has seen it over and over again, in the way the older man treated Jade, in the way she looked up at him. His hand still hangs between them, ready for her to dismiss or take. He will not judge either way, Hati knows that grief takes different forms. "And you are allowed regret, anger that he ordered you of all people to do it. But never hatred towards yourself, you were braver than I could ever be."

a kiss to the neck from behind — @tanthalos

Her mind is rushing and it’s like trying to stop a high speed train whose brakes have gone out. Her knuckles have gone pale white from the way she’s gripping her desk chair. Not even the dulcet tones of the R&B music drowning out the world around her can soothe her. She’s not sure what else she can do except to push through it. She’s even called Scorpia to talk her down. Nothing is working. Her heart beating obnoxiously against her chest is only adding to her anxiety.

A soft touch against her neck causes her eyes to slowly flutter closed. The sensation lingers, sending heat waves spreading across every inch of her skin. The world shrinks around her as she melts into the embrace she’s pulled into, arms wrapping around her waist. Another kiss to her neck before a weight rests on her shoulder. A muffled noise outside of the bubble she’s created for herself. Jade removes a headphone speaker from one ear, turning her head to find Kit.

“What was that?” she asks softly before her girlfriend can kiss her lips. Her entire body relaxes, fingers moving to stroke Kit’s cheek as she returns the affection. Everything slows down until suddenly the world seems manageable again, almost as if the girl behind her is magic. To Jade, she is.

@tanthalos was a bad influence and convinced me to play Sorsha, so look out for that later.

WE THOUGHT THE WAR WAS OVER . . . independent, private, selective & low activity disney+'s willow based multimuse ft canon & original muses. crossover friendly with verses in the hundred, once upon a time, shannara chronicles & many more. barely contained by west.