So Im Smoking Outdoors And My Phones Camera Sucks Ofc But Literally Venus And The Moon Are Having A Lively,

so I’m smoking outdoors and my phones camera sucks ofc but literally venus and the moon are having a lively, vital, engaging conversation and mars is just waiting for his gf to stop chitchatting and wants to go home

man I wish people understood how much it sucks ass to be neurodivergent and trying to find the middle ground where people like/tolerate you. like, I'm either "boring" (trying to wait my turn in conversations, holding space for other people, taking a back seat to let others get some spotlight) or "too much" (too loud/talking too much, getting excited to share, trying to participate in group conversations/activities). No one really talks about how much of being neurodivergent is just sort of trying to make yourself palatable.

I feel like so much of my life has been spent trying to find this effortless sort of middle ground everyone else seems to automatically already know, and I'm always swinging too far one way or the other. I'm lucky to have neurodivergent friends who grok me, but goddamn I wish that I could just like, exist without the constant background script in my brain that's like "you're being too loud. You're not talking enough. you're being self-centered. you're being boring. you're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong." I feel like I'm back in high school trying to make friends but stuck as the eternal "weird kid"

it's just... lonely and sucks bad.

🍫🟤👁👁

growing up being autistic but not knowing is just *hiding in room while people are over* *getting tired and needing to recharge after the smallest chores* *getting called a gifted kid* *knowing that you’re “weird” because people are making fun of you but not knowing how to stop being weird* *having adults tell you how “mature” you are* *getting in trouble for not doing work* *convincing yourself that you’re just lazy and stupid because you can’t make yourself do work* *getting really invested in “weird” media*

Chrissy wouldn’t have it any other way.

A snippet of a very messy Hellcheer doodle that I did on the spot and might delete later 👀. Things got exciting for them while reading… but then they just ended up falling asleep.