I Wanna Call Joon "honey" Too

i wanna call joon "honey" too

Make an Effort

Namjoon x Reader

Summary: When you ask Joon to be your fake boyfriend, he ends up finding out about your very real crush on him. Luckily for you, the feeling’s mutual.

Word count: 1.5k

Warnings: swearing, mentions of drinking, lil suggestive, not proofread(when are they ever tho?)

A/N: Thanks to the lovely anon who requested this!

Masterlist

Requests are open

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You and Namjoon had the kind of friendship where you’d known each other long enough that you could ask each other to do pretty much anything and you would more than likely agree. Shoulder to cry on? You’re there. Hide a body? You’ll at least consider it.

And yet, it still managed to catch Joon off guard when you came bolting over to him in the middle of the party you were both attending and latched onto his arm.

“I need you to be my boyfriend for ten minutes.” You said frantically.

“What?!” He spluttered, nearly choking on his drink.

“One of my old roomates from university is here with her husband and I fucked up and told them I had a boyfriend and now they want to meet him!” You explained quickly.

“Why would you tell them that?!” He gaped at you.

“Because I’m a fucking idiot who should not be allowed to speak after drinking tequila, now will you please help me?!” You begged.

He hesitated for a brief moment before nodding. “Fine, ten minutes.”

“Thank youuu!!” You pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before pulling him along behind you through the crowd, oblivious to the sudden flush of crimson that was coloring Joons face due to your actions. He managed to compose himself though before you reached the table where your friend was sitting with a few other people.

“Guys, you remember Namjoon, right?” You said lightly, still holding onto his hand tightly.

There was a brief flurry of greetings as Joon smiled and nodded politely, slightly relieved that he did in fact remember your friend from the early days of your friendship.

You all talked comfortably for a few minutes, Joon finding it slightly too easy to slip into the role of pretend boyfriend, enjoying the feeling of your hand in his. He couldn’t help but wonder if this would be how it felt if he actually had the nerve to confess and tell you how he felt about you.

Too soon though, the moment came to an end as you released your hold on him to go get you both more drinks.

“So, how long have you and Y/n been together?” Your friend asked, trying to make small talk.

“Not long. It’s uh, still pretty new.” He said somewhat awkwardly, glancing towards where you’d disappeared.

“You make a really cute couple.” She said. “It’s nice to see that you two got together, especially considering how Y/n used to have the biggest crush on you back in university.”

“What?” His full attention flicked back to her, suddenly very interested in this conversation. You liked him?! This was brand new information to him.

“They didn’t tell you?” She asked, surprised. “I figured that’s how you got together.”

“No, I mean I knew,” He lied quickly. “I just didn’t realize it was common knowledge.”

“Oh, it wasn’t.” She laughed, understanding. “They never actually told me, but it was pretty obvious, you know? Like, I remember when you started dating some one girl during our senior year, they wouldn’t leave the house for like a week.”

He remembered you avoiding him for a week, but you’d told him it was because you had the flu and didn’t want him to catch it.

Was that the real reason? And if so, why hadn’t you said anything?

He knew the likely answer though before he’d even finished the thought, because it was the same reason why he’d never said anything about his own feelings; you hadn’t wanted to fuck up your friendship in the event that the other person didn’t feel the same way.

The fear of potentially losing one of the most important people in his life had been more than enough to keep him from vocalizing his feelings for this long, he could imagine how it must’ve felt for you.

But now that he knew you did feel the same(or at least used to, but he was hoping it was still true), the question was how to proceed with this information.

He supposed he could just ask you point blank, but knowing you, you would likely bristle and deny it in an attempt to avoid the potential embarrassment or rejection. Something more subtle would be the better route.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by you returning with the drinks.

“What’s got you so smiley?” You asked, noticing his odd expression.

“Just hearing funny stories about you.” He said lightly, a plan beginning to form in his head as he spoke.

“Nothing too compromising, I hope.” You said, only half joking.

“Nah, just interesting.” He said, changing the subject. “Hey, You wanna grab breakfast together tomorrow?”

You looked up in surprise. “I guess. What’s the occasion?”

“Nothing, just thought it’d be fun.” He replied with a shrug.

“Okay, sure.” You nodded.

“Cool, It’s a date.” He said, biting back a grin as he caught the way your eyes flickered to him at his choice in phrasing, but said nothing.

He managed to surprise you again the next morning when you opened the front door to find him waiting with a bouquet of pink carnations.

“Morning.” He said brightly.

“What are those?” You asked, ignoring his greeting, distracted by the flowers.

“They’re for you.” He said, as if it was obvious.

“Why?” You asked, brow furrowing in confusion.

“I saw them on the way over and remembered you saying that they were one of your favorites, so I thought you’d like some.” He said, offering you the bouquet.

Hesitantly, you took them, still eyeing him curiously. “Thank you…”

“You’re welcome.” He smiled. “Now, breakfast?”

The rest of the morning passed fairly normally, though it didn’t pass your notice that Namjoon seemed to be extra attentive towards you, opening doors and pulling your chair out for you. He also refused to let you pay, even though it was technically your turn.

“I’m the one that asked you out, I should be the one to pay.” He said, quickly swiping his card.

“Don’t say it like that,” You said with an awkward laugh. “It makes it sound like we’re on a date.”

“I mean, I was your fake boyfriend last night.” He said with a smirk, making you flush slightly.

You didn’t say anything more about his behavior until later as he was walking you to your door.

“Did something happen?” You asked suddenly.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“You’re being like, really nice today.” You said, making him laugh.

“Am I not allowed to be nice to you?” He asked.

“No, you are,” You said. “I was just wondering what the reason was.”

“I just felt like it, is that okay?”

“I guess so.” You shrugged. “I’m just not used to having someone put this much effort into a ‘date’.”

“Well, I’m gonna have to change that.” He grinned, trying to quell the thrill in his chest at your referring to the outing as a date.

For the next week, his odd behavior continued, taking you on outings to the park or to dinner, buying you little gifts, texting you good morning every day, he’d even got you both little lego models to build together while you hung out at his place.

“Babe, can you pass me that piece?” He asked distractedly, the simple petname being the thing that finally made you snap, freezing for a moment as you stared at him.

“Why are you doing this?” You asked abruptly.

He glanced up in confusion. “Doing what?”

THIS!” You gestured. “The dates, the gifts, the ‘babe’? Why are you acting like there’s something between us all of a sudden? Why are you trying to get my hopes up when I know nothing will-”

Your words were silenced by his lips suddenly on yours, soft but insistent, as his hands came up to gently cradle your face. After a few seconds, he slowly pulled away, cautiously meeting your wide-eyed stare.

“Because I want there to be something between us.” He confessed. “I want you to get your hopes up. I want you to know what it feels like to have someone make an effort to show their love for you, because I do. I love you, Y/n.”

For several long seconds, you stared at him in shock, before suddenly tackling him, knocking him back against the sofa as you reconnected your lips with his.

“I love you too.” You managed to mumble in between kisses, earning a muffled chuckle from him as he returned your enthusiasm, hands fumbling to find purchase to pull you even closer, winding one arm around your waist while the other hand came up to rest on the back of your neck.

Eventually, you had to pull back for air, staring at each other with hooded eyes.

“So, does this mean I get to be your real boyfriend this time?” He joked, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath.

You let out a shaky laugh, already leaning back in. “Honey, you can be whatever you want.”

Taglist: @sopebubbles-replies @btsw1fe @this-must-be-my-tardis @whitefoxgirl @bethanysnow @captainorangegoose

── 𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍'𝐒 𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 : monkey d. luffy.

content: fem!reader. unprotected sεx, praise, implied virgin! luffy, inexperienced! reader, possessive behavior, a little manipulation at the beginning (reader to luffy). lots of cum. overstimulation. a mention of being used. confession at the end. note: my first one piece work! kinda nervous honestly v_v

— . ｡˚ ♡ you're hellbent on making the straw hats' captain yours.

thinking about how easy it is to just cry and sweet-talk your way into sitting on luffy's dick <3

he's already crushing on you to begin with. head over heels, almost. the moment he allowed you onto his ship, welcoming you into the crew so easily and ordering everyone to make you feel right at home — it had made his feelings obvious enough.

luffy has space for only two thoughts in that cute little head of his, and it just makes things easier for you to know that one of them is consisted of you. the other being to become the king of pirates, of course.

“how does it feel to be the captain's favourite?" zoro often remarks all sarcastic, and when you simply laugh and wave his comment away, luffy laughs right along with you. he's absolutely clueless.

to luffy, you look so innocent, and you've been so nice to him — you're just so sweet! helping him around, humouring all his jokes and stupid ideas, explaining things to him over and over with such patience when he just doesn't get it. and you even call him captain! you're just so lovely, and so pretty to look at on top of it<3

he trusts you so easily when you give him a pout, letting the tears glitter at your lashline as you ask him, “captain luffy, please?” you tell him you've never been touched like this before, that you need it, you need it so desperately — and you need it from him — to have his hands on you and to feel all full on him.

he agrees so easily, it's adorable. he's so giggly and giddy as he sits you on his lap up in his room at some nameless inn at the next island you stopped at. you'd fallen onto the rickety little couch backed up against the wall, too needy for eachother and too full of excitement to even make it to the bed.

he's so cute as he grits his teeth and groans, fingers digging into your hips as he slows the way you sink into his cock— unable to handle the way your warm, velvet walls wrap around him so well.

and once you're on his dick, it's even easier to get him addicted to having you on it.

“w—wait, wait wait wait—” his jaw hangs slack, allowing all his little gasps and whines and every little curse and word of praise that forms at his throat to freely pour out into your skin where he's latched his mouth onto.

he tries to kiss you, but he just can't focus on one thing enough when you feel so good around him, your thighs straddling his hips so well, your hands holding onto his shoulders so hard as you move up and down— so warm, so wet and so lovely, and suddenly not enough.

he needs more. he wants you to go faster. “more,” he whines, so good at telling you exactly what he wants. he's quite sure by now that you've done this before—and if you haven't, then you're damn good at it despite this being your first time— so he's unabashed. “more, faster. wanna cum.”

“mhm,” you sigh, giving him a heart-eyed look as you wrap your arms around his neck, kissing him sweetly and hugging him to you, giggling into the crook of his neck. “anything for my—ngh—my darling captain.”

at this point, he's in love with you.

he wraps his arms around you then, sliding his body lower in his seat, into a more comfortable position where he can set the pace himself. “careful,” he warns between clenched teeth when your hand slips from his shoulders.

letting you adjust, he grabs your waist, holding you tight in place — gives you a little “hang on, princess.” before he starts fucking up into you his own way.

it's slow at first, but you can feel the way the slap of his thighs against your ass gets harder with each thrust, how the slow, deep strokes get faster and shallower with each hit—and then he's got the tables turned on you, forcing you to grab at his nape, his hair, his arms, anything to retain your balance while he hits it as hard and deep as he likes.

“ah—ah, luffy!”

“captain luffy, princess.” he groans, voice barely there, grabbing your ass and giving it a squeeze, loving how pliable you are in his hands. his pace stutters every now and then, dick slipping out to smack at your clit before he's putting it back in with a groan.

and oh, you know he's likely never done this before, but god he's making you feel so good. he's so desperate, shamelessly using you like a toy to fuck into, eyes hazy and body tensing up with each thrust. “aaah, fuck, so good … so good, so goodsogoodsogood—”

and just like that, with one last thrust into you that goes in balls deep and throws stars into your eyes, he cums into you. he cums so hard.

hot, thick ropes of milky white fill you up and drool out of you, dripping onto luffy's thighs and staining the seat below, his cute little ah—ahh!’s of uncontrollable bliss drowning out the wet sounds your body makes as his cock gets milked all up by your messy cunt.

it's enough to make you cum along with him, your walls squeezing him so impossibly tight, fluttering warm and wet around his sensitive tip as he ruts into you, so sloppy now yet still insatiable.

he has all the stamina you knew he'd have and more, fucking you through your orgasm just the way you like. just the way you wanted him to.

sitting on luffy's dick is a task easy enough to do, but getting off proves to be difficult.

“fuuuuck,” he sighs, voice going just a bit pitchier than usual as he sinks into the seat, taking your hips in his hands and nudging you back and forth on his cock, using you to carry himself through his high. the way his base drags at your clit is electrifying, and you can't help but throw your head back and moan.

the post-orgasm high is delicious.

“hah, y’like that? mhm?” he smiles up at you, giddy and dazed. “felt so good, princess. you never done this before, huh?”

“mmm,” you mumble, slumping into him and feeling the way he drinks up your scent, not really confirming or denying his statement.

“hah,” he laughs, tightening his arms around you. “can only do it with me from now on though, mkay? you okay with that?”

after that fucking? hell yes. you're so happy, so full, so warm and so content right now, with his arms around you, his lips on your skin and his dick still throbbing inside you.

you'd known luffy would be good. it's why you'd worked your way to this moment in the first place — but you didn't think he'd be this fucking good.

he'd been a little shy and unsure of himself at first, but god, when he'd finally gotten the hang of it, when he'd finally snapped, he'd fucked you so good.

”heyy,” luffy taps your head gently. “you alright? can you hear me, hm?”

“mhm.” you respond, turning your head to rest your cheek on his shoulder, giving the lobe of his ear a little nibble and making him laugh. “i can hear you, captain.”

“asked you somethin'.” he kisses the side of your head and presses a palm to your back, rubbing the expanse of skin gently for you. oh, he's so in love. “only me, mkay?”

“mkay.” you agree, a giggle slipping from you when he gives you a dopey grin and wraps his arms tighter around you, pulling you right against his warm, sticky body and going right to sleep with you in his lap. the couch is old and creaky — but luffy makes a comfortable bed, you think. you can take it, for a night at least.

because after this, you think you might be in love with him, too. and either way, you definitely don't want to get off his dick just yet.

"I want a baby" BG3

Gale:

Wyll:

Astarion:

Or

@queenjayrogue also suggested:

Halsin:

Lae'zel:

Or

Shadowheart:

Karlach:

hiii saw your post abt modern au astarion and how you have requests open🤭 first of all i'm begging you please give us every single astarion thought you have........ kinda obsessed with modern au astarion🤭 could you please give us something about that where astarion still works in the justice system?? i'll never understand why people say he would have a different job, boy is literally born to be a lawyer/judge!! also have a lovely day😽😽😽 if you plan on keeping tabs on your anons may i be a 🍓 anon teehee

Ooo, I love the idea of modern lawyer Astarion. Instantly my brain went feral and threw my mind into the hyperbolic gutter. NSFW additions and a surprise appearance from ascended-adjacent Astarion under the cut. As always let me know if you want me to continue! Either as more thirsty ramble of an actual fic! Also I created a tag for you 🍓 anon! ♡

Astarion is just so charming and beguiling. He has everyone wrapped around his finger in that courtroom. Hanging off every saccharine word he says.

God, he’s just about lying through his teeth, but no one seems to care. He's spinning a careful web of truths and mistruths so intricate and show-stopping that he knows he has the jury right where he wants them.

You’re a bottom-of-the-food chain lawyer. New enough to the scene that you get stuck with all the shitty cases like this one. But veteran enough in the art of assholes to know the type of man Astarion is the moment you see him. The worst type of lawyer, one more befitting the name of a conman. Happy to line his pockets with the misfortune of others.

You couldn’t lie he was captivating. Every utterance of a word was a performance. Every gesture was a dance, and he played the part so well. It is what he does best.

It is when you utter one simple word that he finds his show comes to a halt.

“Objection,” you state voice almost meek, all eyes turn to you, and suddenly the spotlight has shifted.

Of course, the judge dismissed your claims, but it was enough to throw Astarion off his game. Sure, this wasn’t the first time someone had called 'objection', nor would it be the last. Yet, even with your voice as meek as it was your eyes held something he hadn’t witnessed in years. Clarity.

You saw through him, and the revelation almost made him want to laugh. You were refreshing, like an ice-filled cup of water on a sweltering summer day. For the rest of the trial, he gave you a chance to match his dance and god where you beautiful.

Maybe you stumbled or stepped on his toes, but you were merely unpracticed and the thought of you honed, your skills sharpened like a knife, brought a fiery excitement he hadn’t realized he was missing.

I could see him being subtly flirty every moment you were alone during the trail. Something that flustered the hell out of you, but you never let it affect your performance, which only furthered his interest.

When all is said and over, with the defense winning, a very proud and victorious Astarion comes over to shake your hand. Taking the opportunity to pull you just a step closer and invite you for drinks.

You knew better. Certainly knew that a guy like him was trouble, but you didn’t say no. While you wouldn’t admit it, you were somewhat eager to see what else Astarion was capable of. So much so that you had practically brought up the idea of him fucking you in the alley.

Your hands braced you against the wall, allowing you enough resistance to push back into each thrust, allowing Astarion to hit you deeper. His hands held firmly onto your hips, no doubt leaving the imprints of his long fingers on your skin.

"Fuck," you utter your legs wobbling, slowly turning to putty as he brings you closer to the edge. Astarion pauses his hold shifting to better support you. You hear him pant behind you, and you can only assume he's trying desperately to catch his breath. Just as caught up in the steamy exchange as you were. Before he steps back, allows his cock to slip free.

"Turn around, wanna see you, beautiful," the pet name speeds up your already racing heart. They were nothing new, something you had grown used to when his flirtatious remarks had started up, but the cadence of his voice felt more real, intimate.

Turning was a blessing and a curse, and both for the same reason. Astarion was handsome, there was no denying that. An air of royalty surrounded him, so perfectly pristine with so little effort. Now replaced with something just as gorgeous. White curls lay jostled, a few strands stuck to his forehead, pupils blow wide with lust, and lips swollen and bruised with the faintest strain of your lipgloss.

It isn't until he had you in his arms, a leg thrown over each one that you realize how strong he is. In the dim alley, you had only been able to make out the makings of what you assumed were abs, and while you had run your hands along his chest plenty during your initial makeout session you hadn't pegged him to be this fit. Nor did you realize how much you liked being picked up as if you were nothing but a small toy.

Astarion simply asks if you are ready, only waiting for your nod before he's once again buried deep inside you.

He kissed you sloppily, swallowing every breathy moan you let escape your pretty little mouth. Only pulling away to rest his forehead against your own.

There was little regret to be had when you let your gaze linger on him. Even as someone walks past the alleys threatening to expose your rendezvous. You think that you wouldn’t mind having him fuck you senseless again.

Dark Astarion

Imagine being his little Legal Secretary who deals with all his boring administrative issues.

Late office hours where he has his hand fisted in your hair, pulling tight, as guides you to choke on his cock. The deep laugh that would rumble through his chest right before he begins to mock you. Astarion would start off sweet with a little tease about how cute you are. Before his mouth would twist into the cocky smirk he wore so often. He’d make you look at him, mouth still placed around his aching length. You meet his eyes and moan around him. In the light, they almost appear red, like a predator ready to devour its prey. A sly fox and his dumb little rabbit.

You think for a second he’s going to praise you. Tell you how good you make him feel, so you look up at him eagerly with big doe eyes. Ready for whatever compliment would slip from his perfect lips.

“You're my personal little pet. Aren’t you darling? Only good for serving me,” he says, with little room for argument. Demeaning and possessive and the best compliment he could ever bestow upon you.

His smirk grows as he observes you squeeze your thighs together, cock growing impossibly harder when he thinks about how wet you’ll be when he has you bouncing on it later.

© 2023 v3nomly do not plagiarize, translate, or repost my writing to any other site.

If you look at me like that, I’m gonna go over there and hug you and love you 💞

Gale from @banal-nadas

A Night of Song and Laughter (Part 11)

In this Astarion gets scolded by a dwarf (naturally he hates it) and Tav and Astarion have to run from the police, because ACAB, amirite? (All Cityguards Are Beautiful) Also they really can't seem to catch a break...

There can only be one song for this: Bad Reputation - Joan Jett

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Astarion/Fem!Tav (You)

(Gif from here!)

“Are we being kicked out?”, you asked the dwarf flabbergasted. “How rude and after we played circus monkeys for you”, Astarion immediately added and clicked his tongue.

“Nay, lass, it is nah that”, the dwarf answered and doubling over again trying to get some air in his lungs. Astarion looked quizzically at him and raised a pale eyebrow. “It’s the cityguard, they’ve been asking ‘bout ye. They’re already swarming in downstairs. Don sent me to find ye, he’s tryna hold their captain off by the entrance.” You turned to Astarion with shock in your eyes – would this night never end with all its damn surprises? The vampire looked just as shocked as you.

“Now, stop starin’ at each other, get outta here, come on”, the dwarf hurried you and waved for you to follow. “Maybe we can sneak ye out while Don is talking to ‘em. Gods, I always knew it’d be a bad idea to have no back entrance.” You swallowed but quickly went to follow him. So did Astarion.

You let the dwarf go a few steps ahead so you could lean back to the vampire while walking along the corridor. “Do you think this is about you showing Miyena and Eodin… you know?”, you whispered to him. “I don’t know but I don’t intend to find out”, he answered dryly.

“Did they say why exactly they were looking for us?”, you raised your voice to ask Kirin while rushing behind him. The dwarf threw you a look over his shoulder that asked if you were an imbecile and he actually even stopped walking. “Yeah, lass, of course. I brewed ‘em a nice cuppa and then we braided each other’s beards while talking ‘bout it. NAY! Of course, they did not!” Kirin was outraged and helplessly threw his hands in the air: “I don’t know and I don’t know what ye might’ve done to deserve it and I don’t want to know. All I do know, is, that there’s gonna be trouble. If they find ye, there’s gonna be trouble and if they don’t find ye there will probably be even more. We aren’t exactly popular with the city officials so they gonna take up any excuse they can get to annoy us.” Your brows furrowed at that and Astarion asked: “Thankful as I am for it, but why exactly are you trying to sneak us out then if you could just hand us over?”

The dwarf had already reached for the handle of the door that would lead back to the gallery. He sighed defeatedly and turned around once more, putting his hands on his hips: “Come here, elf, if ye please.” Astarion surely didn’t look inclined to do anything of the sort. “I said come ‘ere, boy!”, Kirin said through gritted teeth and curled a finger at Astarion. That made the vampire cautiously step closer, on his face a mix of distrust and disgust. Kirin angrily waved him to bow down to which Astarion reacted only begrudgingly. When they were almost nose to nose, the dwarf spoke, spittle flying from his mouth and hitting Astarion who’s eye twitched murderously: “Let’s get one thing very clear, little elven lordling, or whatever ye might be. I am nah doing this for ye!“ He stuck one stubby finger towards Astarion’s face. “I’m only doing this for ye lassie here. Because. I. Don’t. Like. Ye. Pretty Boy!” H  He  

Astarion’s whole being screamed murder. You remembered a certain threat he had offered regarding the dwarf’s nicknames for him and quickly dragged him back towards you by a handful of his shirt. “Let’s just go, please”, you begged the both of them. The men stared at each other a moment longer then Kirin broke it off and waved you to go. The elf wiped his face off by rubbing his upper arm against his face, still wearing a disgusted facial expression. Then he looked at you as if asking for pity. “Knock it off, Astarion”, you simply told him and went after Kirin.

There still were plenty of people on the gallery and in the tavern as a whole. But you could quickly make out several men and women in silver armour prancing about the place. Most prominently at the entrance was the supposed captain of the group of guards in argument with Don. It wasn’t hard to make out that they were arguing quite intensely – you could hear their voices but not what they said. As the three of you were walking downstairs while trying to look inconspicuous you saw the captain wave an order to two of his men who immediately propped up their halberds towards Don’s face. The bouncer lifted his arms in defence.

You had arrived at the bottom of the stairs and Kirin motioned you to follow him, walking mostly along the walls of the big room. You tried to bypass the guests and tables and especially the guards that had spread out downstairs. While slowly but steadily passing through the crowd you noticed how Astarion swiftly picked up a cloak from behind someone’s seat and in one smooth movement threw it around his shoulders. He lifted the hood over his telltale white curls and then softly nudged you to walk between him and the wall so he could try and also hide you with the cloak.

As you came closer to the entrance you could finally make out the discussion going on between Don and the captain of the city guard. “Drop the act! Tell me where they are or watch me and my guards tear through every crevice of this shithole”, the captain just screamed at the bouncer. You were almost at the entrance through which people walked in and out of the establishment. Trying to not raise any suspicion you lowered your gaze and moved closer to Astarion – just a pair of lovers passing by.

“What damned act, I’ve been trying to tell...”, Don was just about to say as the guard crossed his arms over his armoured chest, obviously done with his opponents excuses. His eyes wandered while zoning out from the bouncer’s words… and that’s when he spotted you when you tried to sneak a cautious look. The captain’s head perked up as he saw you and he immediately raised a hand: “Hold, you there! With the red hair! I can see you you know.” You cursed under your breath and gritted your teeth. “Shit”, you heard Astarion say beside you. He stopped and immediately also dropped the hood trying to seem as honest and innocent as possible. Kirin disappeared into the crowd once more having failed his escort quest.

You opted to act surprised, looking at the guard in confused fashion and pointing a finger at yourself in a “Who? Me?” sort of way. “Yeah yeah, you, don’t look so surprised, you little dipshit. Are you Tav?” Astarion immediately hissed at him for calling you names and taking a step in front of you. But you grabbed him by his elbow and took a step forth yourself. “I don’t know, depends on who’s asking. For example, for someone calling me ‘little dipshit’ the name’s ‘kiss my goddamn arse’”, you said and smiled sickly-sweet at him. You knew that it was a terrible idea for you to piss of the city guard but you’ve just about had it for the night.

Astarion snickered softly beside you, earning him a more than displeased and with the wave of two fingers two halberds pointing at his face. The vampire rolled his eyes and mumbled something about the state of humour in this city.

The captain sauntered closer to you, you nervously already thought about how you could possibly get out of this situation. When the guard stood directly in front of you so that the silver of his breastplate shone in your face, he spoke down to you. You could see that he was human – and quite a lot taller than you, at least one head and broad-shouldered too. You also saw that only his chest was covered by plating.

“For the formalities’ sake: I am Captain Gerrit of the Third Division of the Lower City Guard. Now you know, now tell me who you are!”, he ordered. You raised your chin at him defiantly and crossing your arms not letting yourself be impressed by his display of rank. “What’s it to you, Captain Gerrit of the so and so?”, you pressed him further. Gerrit’s eyes narrowed at you, you could see that his patience with you was fading. You heard Astarion chuckle again behind you, then wince: “Ouw, keep those away from me, as far as I know, laughing still hasn’t been outlawed, yet.” “Watch it, elf”, Gerrit spat toward him then he focused on you again, angling his head. “Oh nothing really, only that I’d be taking you into custody if you happened to be that Tav”, he answered. “Because if you were that Tav, I know you’d belong to a band of thieves I’ve been looking to capture for the better part of a year.” “And who told you that?”, Astarion chimed in and stepped closer to you despite the weapons pointed at him. He curved around them and stood directly behind you and stared up at the captain who was also at least half a head taller than the rogue. “A tiefling woman with a, dare I say, severe case of resting bitch face and a whimpering man that looked like a beaten puppy? Because may I tell you they have been pestering us the whole evening and of course they’d tell y…”, Astarion went on but was interrupted by Gerrit now being very annoyed at the both of you and lifting a hand in harsh motion that even prompted the vampire to shut up. You felt your time to act was running out…

“You are indeed correct”, the captain offered from behind gritted teeth “and I also happen to know that they were also part of your little band of thieves and they are already in custody. And so are you two go…”

Time was up. With all the force you could muster you lifted your knee to kick the bastard in the balls. Gerrit simply hmpfed and was sent to his knees.

Astarion didn’t lose a moment, whirled the stolen cloak around the two other guards who were still pointing their weapons at him but could only react with shock. He had them wrapped up as if they were wearing an oversized scarf and then tugged on the ends to make their heads in their shiny helmets clank against each other. They went down as well and you both turned to fucking run.

You stumbled through the crowd, pushing people out your way, without a word agreeing to try and make it to the balcony again. You raced directly to the stairs while Astarion had to take detour to dodge the swipe of another halberd and then was blocked by another guard. But instead of trying to fight him, Astarion leapt for the table next to the guard, placed his hands flat on it and swung his legs over it in a swift athletic motion. At the staircase to the gallery another guard was just about to block your way, screaming “Stop!” at you. But he was kicked in the knee pits and also received a mug of beer over his head once it was in reach for his assailant – Kirin. “Don’t touch the lass!“, the dwarf screamed viciously as the guard fell on his face.

“Thanks”, you shouted to him passing by and racing up the steps. Even Astarion mustered a wink for the dwarf and then ran after you. You made it to the balcony without further interruption. By the noise you had heard behind you, you had precious moments until your assailants would even reach the gallery.

“The dwarf grows on me”, Astarion said breathlessly. You simply waved in agreement, trying to catch your breath. “And also”, Astarion continued, gasping for air “Tav Hammerknee strikes again, it seems.”

You didn’t even have it in you anymore to react to his audacity, so you just went to the railing to look down. “It’s a bit of a drop, but after everything… I think we can make it. Although I almost broke my neck one time trying to get down there…” Astarion walked up next to you and looked down as well: “From this height? Darling, I guess you can be happy your career as a thief is over you must’ve been terrible at it.” And with these loving parting words he climbed over the railing and let himself hang from the bottom edge of the balcony before letting go and landing elegantly in a deep crouch before standing up again.

He dusted some invisible lint off his shirt then looked up at you: “Easy.” Asshole. “I’ll have you know that the last time I was blackout drunk”, you spat back. “So barely worse than tonight.” You snorted at that and started to climb over the railing, copying his moves.

“I’ll catch you, love, don’t worry. I won’t let this be the end after everyth…” You had already let yourself drop into his open arms. The sudden impact drew all the air from his lungs, but he did safely catch you.

“Gotcha”, he whispered and slowly put you down. Then he tried to sort out the mess your hair had become. “Well, running from the city guard certainly was a first time for me.” “Aww, I love when I can be there for your first times, Astarion“, you cooed at him and pressed a kiss to his lips. He looked positively done with you.

“Let’s just go home?”, he asked you with a smile. “Let’s!”