From What Ive Been Able To See, Tony Deals A Lot With Too Much: Too Much Input, Too Many Things To Think

From what I’ve been able to see, Tony deals a lot with ‘too much’: too much input, too many things to think about, too much to worry about... And his defense mechanism, at the beginning, was ‘can’t care’, because caring means he has to do something, and there’s just so much to do and so much that he can do and it would’ve been overwhelming. Someone like him, he’s incredibly sensitive to compassion fatigue.

Except then he found out what avoiding all of it had done, and he can’t do that any longer. And in the rest of the movies, we see him become increasingly traumatized, increasingly beaten down, because it’s never enough, never good enough. Not to him, and not to others either.

One of the things I admire most about him (and that make me want him to just be at peace for a little) is the fact that, despite all the pain and the worries and the exhaustion and the suffering, he keeps going. He started out avoiding everything because it was too much, and I think it still is.. but having learned the consequences of avoiding it, he can’t any longer. But he suffers for it every day.

the common idea of “tony stark goes through a character arc where he’s totally self-absorbed for a while but then as there are more movies we come to like him” is……a misconception that bothers me.

I mean, okay, I would so much rather people say this, that he develops from being “narcissistic” to caring about others, than saying that he has never cared about others, but still….I don’t think it’s quite the right read of his character. Heck, I used to say that about Tony too, but the more I watched the first Iron Man, the more I realized that it wasn’t quite right.

Tony Stark was a lot of things back in the beginning of his epic arc, but lacking care for others and being totally self-centered weren’t any of those things. He wouldn’t have been so immediately shaken and then have so much self-loathing over the use of the company’s weapons if he truly didn’t care about others. He wouldn’t have become Iron Man. In one of his first scenes in the movie, he forgoes accepting an award in favor of having some fun at the casino, and then gave the award statue to some random employee at the casino. If he were really as self-absorbed as people say he was at the beginning, wouldn’t he have wanted to bask in the praise of the presentation and the applause of the ceremony and give a speech about how great he is and keep the award to remind him of his greatness?

What I see when I watch the beginning of Tony’s arc is naivety, immaturity, bad communication skills, and recklessness- plenty of flaws to improve on, but not really a lack of care for others.

His arc wasn’t exactly about caring about others. His arc over the course of a decade was about becoming aware of the harsh reality of the world, learning how to communicate his feelings to people he can trust, and becoming comfortable enough to let people into his world and comfortable with showing others how much he really cares on the inside. His arc was about breaking out of the mold he’d been forced into by his father and growing into the man he always was on the inside- someone who feels fiercely and cares deeply.

Music Tag Game

I was tagged by the amazing @rebelmeg

Rules: We’re snooping on your playlist, so put your entire 🎶 library on shuffle and list the first ten songs, then choose ten victims.

(Okay so, I haven’t used my more recent Spotify account, so instead this is all songs that I have on the harddrive - which are random, and often from playlists I’ve made for fandom experiences or with random awesome songs that I didn’t have on CD. I’m very curious what it’s gonna be.)

In The Light - Full Blown Rose

Iris - Goo Goo Dolls

Never Learned To Lie (This Way) - Hana Pestle

Howl - Florence and the Machine

Crawl (Carry Me Through) - Superchick

At The Beginning - Richard Marx and Donna Lewis (Anastasia)

Lie To Me (Denial) - RED

Sooner Or Later - Mat Kearney

Holding You - Gretchen Wilson

The Business of Paper Stars - Hawthorne Heights

Yup, pretty eclectic mix xD Was fun to hear some of the ones I haven’t listened to for years, though.

I hereby tag (though don’t feel obliged)… @journeythroughtherain, @the-flightoficarus, @the-kitteh, @shi-toyu, @wecollectnightmares, @letsallsleepoverwork, @araydre, @ali-aliska, @naferty and @arboreal-elm-ash-oak

you deserve all the happiness in the world, always. 

12, 21, 109, 140 for the cute asks?

Thank you very much for the ask!!

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Always a difficult question. Let’s see:

Be alright by Dean Lewis

Wrong side of Heaven by Five Finger Death Punch

Stand by you by Rachel Platten

Maybe by Sick Puppies

Angel with a shotgun by The Cab

21. What are you bad habits?

Procrastinating, definitely. Comfort eating as well. And the fact that I do not have the habit of cleaning the house more often isn’t the greatest. 

109. Is something irritating you right now?

Trying to figure out which darn setting on the dryer actually gets the clothes dry >_

140. Summer or Winter?

Pffft, difficult, since they both have their advantages and disadvantages. Overall I don’t like the seasonal depression of winter and I will prefer summer, but not a summer like last one, because I genuinely go insane with those high temperatures and whenever there’s a rainy day now, I still think of how I felt those days and go ‘this is not so bad’. (Absolute favorite season is spring, actually.)

This was their first Valentine's day together, and they both wanted it to be perfect. Which was also why Bucky worried when Tony didn't show up for their planned date. Despite everyone else telling him that's just what happens with Tony, even if he doesn't mean to, Bucky refused to believe that Tony actually forgot.

Turns out, he's right.

Square: T2 - Always Rating: Teen and up Pairing: Tony/Bucky Warnings: canon-typical violence, very brief mention of underage (Tony/Sunset)

My first fill for the @tonystarkbingo. I hope you enjoy!

For @journeythroughtherain <3 Thank you for asking!

12, 22, 37 for the handwriting asks! ... And could you do both types of handwriting too?