I Blame @martianwahtney And @trashcanakin, Though Only In The Best Of Ways :P Feel Free To Do It If You

I blame @martianwahtney and @trashcanakin, though only in the best of ways :P Feel free to do it if you want to, I’m curious to see. (And also feel free to tag/blame me ;) )

as kittens,

mcu original six 💖

credit: @d-inchiostro

Woooooooot! :D :D *cheers*

I blame @martianwahtney and @trashcanakin, though only in the best of ways :P Feel free to do it if you want to, I’m curious to see. (And also feel free to tag/blame me ;) )

Tony Stark’s overlooked superpower: his self-awareness and the rare ability to admit, honestly and without justification, when he is wrong… and then work towards becoming a better person.

So there’s a lot of “discourse” (or whatever you want to call it) over Tony Stark and whether he takes responsibility for his mistakes. Antis say he needs to step up and take responsibility; the rest of us say that Tony does take responsibility consistently, even when he probably doesn’t need to or when someone else is equally responsible. But the comment from @i-want-to-bethlieve on this post a while back got me thinking (hope you don’t mind me tagging you–didn’t want to derail the original post, but also totally crediting you for getting my brain rolling on this), with the comment that all the characters make mistakes, but only Tony’s mistakes are brought up in the narrative…and Tony clearly can and does take responsibility for his mistakes–in fact, no one else does it more often or more consistently than he does. And even those characters who do express guilt over their mistakes, they don’t fully own them, don’t fully accept the blame, and the narrative doesn’t show them putting in the hard work to atone.

When I first started seriously watching the MCU (right after Thor Ragnarok came out–before that I’d only seen Avengers and Thor…yeah, I was a late-comer to the MCU), I used to say that Tony’s superpower was his ability to admit that he was wrong.  And I stand by that.

Seriously, Tony’s ability to repeatedly say, “I was wrong” without justifying his mistakes is a superpower! Because people don’t think about how much strength it takes to admit that you are wrong. Most people can’t do it, even with small things. Don’t believe me? Think about it, seriously think about it in your daily life. You’ll probably realize that it is incredibly rare for any of us to simply say, “I was wrong” without immediately following it with “but I didn’t mean to…” or “but I did it because…” Even simply saying, “I’m sorry” is hard for most people. That’s why people often give halfhearted apologies that are half defensive. “I’m sorry you were hurt, but I didn’t mean it the way you took it!” We’ve all heard or said variations on that. Most of us rationalize and justify and excuse our mistakes, even in the rare instances when we do admit them. And in everyday situations, people will argue over stupid things because they simply don’t want to admit “I was wrong.” People are stubborn that way.

But Tony admits fault and takes responsibility for his actions in pretty much every single movie! He admits he’s wrong immediately when he returns from Afghanistan, without hesitation or rationalization. Let’s break it down:

“I saw young Americans killed by the weapons I had designed to defend them.” [Admission that his previous understanding of the situation was wrong. He thought he was doing good, but was blinded to all of the harm his weapons had done.]

“I realized I had become part of a system with zero accountability.” [Admission that he was part of the problem.]

“And that is why, effective immediately, I will be shutting down the weapons manufacturing division of Stark International.” [Immediately takes steps to correct his mistakes.]

No rationalization. No, “but I thought I was doing the right thing” or “I was just following in my dad’s footsteps” or “other people make weapons too” or “lots of people told me I was doing good!” All of those things are true. But Tony doesn’t use them to rationalize or justify his actions. He doesn’t make excuses or get defensive. He also doesn’t hesitate to begin correcting his mistakes. He shuts down the weapons division. He begins looking into other options. He beings building Iron Man suits to channel his technology into new and better ways to protect people. And then he personally uses the Iron Man suit to liberate and defend Gulmira when it is clear that he hasn’t done enough to stop the destruction his weapons caused.

But that’s just in the first movie, you say? After that he makes more mistakes. Sure, because he’s a human being, and being human is hard. We all make mistakes and personal growth is not linear. There’s backsliding and missteps along the way. But Tony still, consistently, admits when he is wrong and accepts blame when appropriate (and sometimes even when it’s not. The boy has developed a guilt complex now, okay?).

So what about Iron Man 2. Okay, Tony’s apologies and admissions of responsibility are subtler here, but they do happen.

Rhodey: Look, I’m sorry, okay.

Tony: Don’t be.

Rhodey: No, I should have trusted you more.

Tony: I’m the one who put you in this position. Forget it.

Rhodey: No, it’s your fault. I just wanted to say I’m sorry.

Tony: Thank you. That’s all I wanted to hear.

Tony does not dispute that it was his fault. He admits that he put Rhodey in an impossible position. He wants to hear the apology, but he also takes full responsibility for his part in their fight (btw, kudos to them both, since this is a great example of a mature friendship where both admit fault, apologize, and still care about each other, moving forward without holding any grudges at all). And later to Pepper: “Don’t be mad. I will formally apologize when I’m not fending off a Hammer-oid attack.” So Tony knows that he did handle things poorly and he does need to apologize. And later he implicitly takes responsibility for everything with Pepper, admitting that she would be totally justified in quitting: “You deserve better; you’ve taken such good care of me. I’ve been in a tough spot and you got me through it.”

Then we get Iron Man 3, which is all about Tony admitting when he screws up. Repeatedly. From almost scene one on.

Tony to Pepper: “Hey, I admit it! My fault! Sorry. I’m a piping hot mess.” He takes full responsibility for ruining date night, even though Pepper herself was late for date night.

Tony calling Pepper from Tennessee: “Pepper, it’s me. I’ve got a lot of apologies to make and not a lot of time. So first off, I’m so sorry I put you in harm’s way. That was selfish and stupid and it won’t happen again. Also it’s Christmas time…the rabbit’s too big. Done. Sorry. And I’m sorry in advance because…I can’t come home yet.” He apologizes for like…everything, but crucially he avoids one of the most common mistakes people make when apologizing: most people apologize for hurting someone but not for their actual actions. But not Tony. He takes responsibility for his selfish, thoughtless, and reckless actions and admits that he was wrong for all of it, promising to do better in the future. Again, no justifications or excuses, just genuine repentance.

And what about CA:CW? “Clearly, I made a mistake. Sam, I was wrong.” And right after this, Tony admits that he and Sam don’t know each other very well. Unlike with Pepper and Rhodey, who Tony trusts because of their long-standing relationships, Tony does not have any reason to believe that Sam will forgive him; admitting he’s wrong to someone who already dislikes him takes an extra measure of vulnerability, but Tony doesn’t even hesitate (I will ignore Sam’s petty “that’s a first” retort because, well, Sam doesn’t know Tony well enough to realize that he has misjudged Tony). Tony had plenty of rational reasons to think that Bucky was responsible for the bombing and everything else, but he doesn’t bring those up as justification for his (again, completely rational) mistaken interpretation of events. He just admits he was wrong and then says he wants to help Steve; he wants to do what he can to fix his mistake. When he gets to Siberia, he says, “maybe your story’s not so crazy.” Basically, he again admits that he was wrong to discount Steve’s concerns and Bucky’s story about other super-soldiers (even though he only doubted it because all evidence pointed against it and because Steve didn’t tell him until the absolute last second possible, which made it look like a last minute excuse for Steve’s actions).

Even before all of that, Tony takes full responsibility for Ultron (“Ultron–my fault”)…even though plenty of other people share responsibility for that: Bruce for helping create it, Wanda for manipulating Tony in the hopes he would “self-destruct” and for actively working with Ultron to enable his destruction, and Thanos who (presumably) programed the mind stone (since the narrative heavily implies that Tony/Bruce failed to create a functional AI and the mind stone actually put the pieces in place on its own, and Thanos implicitly takes credit for the events of the entire movie in the end-credits scene). But yeah. Only Tony admits his share of the blame for Ultron, and by extension, for Sokovia.

All of this just shows that Tony is honest and self-aware, and strong enough as a person to admit his mistakes and face them head on, rather than justifying, excusing, rationalizing, or denying. We don’t really get that from the other heroes: not Bruce, Steve, Thor, Wanda, Sam, Dr. Strange, or even Nick freaking Fury (who, I would argue, has made a fuck ton of mistakes). The closest we get is Bucky admitting “I’m not sure that I’m worth all of this,” Bruce agonizing over the destruction that Hulk causes, Clint’s confession to Natasha that he might not deserve her sacrifice, and Natasha’s comments about “red in her ledger.” But even then, most of those are more examples of self-loathing (in often unhealthy ways) rather than truly admitting fault and taking responsibility for one’s actions in a mature way. Only Natasha really takes responsibility for her actions, as her work with SHIELD and the Avengers is her attempt to do good out of a desire for atonement (the writing for Nat was often pretty poor, so we don’t see this part of her character development very clearly–it’s alluded to repeatedly, but never developed in detail).

The other Avengers do express regrets, but they struggle to take that next step of fully taking responsibility, admitting to other people they are wrong, and doing what they can to correct their mistakes. Sure, Wanda and Steve both felt bad after what happened in Lagos. They both said (privately) they felt like they were at fault. But they weren’t willing to own that and do something about it. In front of everyone else, they offer excuses or say that it’s just the cost of the job…or they don’t admit any fault at all. I don’t necessarily blame them. I probably would do the same. It would have been monumentally hard to come out in a press conference and admit that they made a mistake (though that didn’t stop Tony from doing exactly that way back in Iron Man). But that moment in Civil War is the only time the other Avengers discuss mistakes or blame–and it leads to nothing. Steve struggles with this later too…He always has some justification or explanation for his mistakes, like in his apology letter to Tony. And the “liar” scene in Endgame is further proof. That was the one time when Tony said,  “no, this wasn’t my fault. Not this time. It was yours.” And Steve isn’t able to be vulnerable and honestly admit, out loud, that yeah, he was wrong and it was his fault that the Avengers weren’t together. Steve starts to get defensive because he feels personally attacked (which, to be fair, he was). Tony mentions that Thanos is the exact reason he said they needed a suit of armor around the world and Steve says (one of his few lines), “yeah, and how’d that work out?” This is a classic deflection, an act of self-defense when someone feels attacked so they try to shift blame to the other person. We all do this in reality; it’s a natural tendency, although not a very emotionally mature reaction. After that, Steve shuts up, and I do interpret this as him internally feeling guilty about his actions because I think he knows he made mistakes and would do things differently if he had the chance to go back. But again, he doesn’t or can’t say out loud that he was wrong. And look, if we’re all honest, most of us would be like Steve…we might feel bad but we wouldn’t admit, out loud, that we were wrong. We’d rationalize or get defensive–it’s a very human reaction.

But it’s heroic to admit you are wrong and take responsibility for it. That’s not natural and it’s not easy, but it’s a skill the world desperately needs–maybe now more than ever. It’s also the only true path towards emotional growth and spiritual maturity. Robert Downey Jr. recently described the pre-Iron Man Tony Stark as “spiritually dead,” and I think any journey towards spiritual growth (or whatever you want to call it) has to begin with being 100% honest and self-aware and taking full responsibility for your own mistakes. Tony Stark does that, and he does it more fully and more consistently than any other MCU hero. He’s not perfect–but he knows that, and even more importantly, he admits it out loud, repeatedly. It’s an overlooked superpower because most people don’t really want to emulate this: people want to be respected and have super strength, but admitting you’re wrong? That doesn’t sound cool; that’s not a superpower most people want…which is why many of the other heroes don’t do it. Many of them are wish-fulfillment heroes, not three-dimensional characters who are human and flawed. Tony is the epitome of human and flawed…and he knows it. Ironically, that’s also what makes him heroic.

Yes, Tony’s mind and his heart are his superpowers, like a lot of people have said before, but let’s not neglect his capacity for reflection, for self-evaluation, for honest contrition, and the ability to admit when he is wrong and work towards righting that wrong. Those are all superpowers too.

Sometimes I think about seeing avengers 1 for the first time in 2012 and how my generation was blessed with this master storytelling and character development

So does this count as a bingo, with all the corners? :D

i caved and i’m jumping on the bandwagon on relatable bingo cards. also im aware that my squares aren’t the same size (i was too lazy to fix it klfansdlf)