Live Ashley Reaction To The Imodna Kiss(es)

Live Ashley Reaction to the imodna kiss(es)

laudna if you're jealous i'm sure imogen will offer to kiss you to make it even i'm just saying

After the first kiss, when Imogen says, ‘You don’t have to d-…I just…’

It’s like she’s saying, ‘This didn’t have to mean anything. I’m fine quietly pining, really, I am. You give me so much already, I don’t really need more. Normally I wouldn’t have asked. Ruidus knows I’ve wanted to do that a thousand times before and haven’t, but we’ve been apart and I couldn’t reach you and didn’t know if you were alright or even alive and I just needed the press of your lips to quiet the storm. But I’m alright now and we can go back to whatever is comfortable for you. Don’t mind my burning desire or anything. Gods I wish I could read your thoughts to know if you’re alright.’

And I just think that’s neat

Watching it again, Laudna’s and Imogen’s reunion is so so interesting. I can’t stop thinking about how both Laudna and Imogen have spent so much time hiding from each other. And how Imogen’s circlet inhibiting her ability to read minds is what finally allowed them to communicate openly and sort out their feelings.

Honestly? I think the process started before they were reunited, when Laudna began losing her ability to compartmentalize her traumas. Because for the first time in a very long time, there was no one there to see inside her head as she slowly lost control. 

It would make sense that Imogen’s ability to read her mind is one of the reasons Laudna compartmentalizes so hard. Laudna has said over and over that she doesn’t want to be a burden. That she can’t bear the thought because she isn’t worth the trouble. How many times, early in their relationship, was Laudna upset or angry and Imogen, reading her mind and trying to help, pointed it out and offered advice or comfort? 

How many times before Laudna started to hide those parts of herself even deeper than she had before? After all, she didn’t want to burden Imogen, who struggled so much already, with more problems.

But then they were separated, and there was no one to hide from. The other side of this is that Imogen has always been in tune with Laudna, so they never really had to talk things out.

Without that, Laudna spirals. It’s privacy, but it’s also loneliness and worry and stress. And like Laudna pointed out, they really didn’t have time to sit down and parse out all their thoughts, she and Orym and Ashton were far too busy just surviving.

So they finally get back, and everything is just too much. 

Laudna is outwardly hostile to everyone and so blindly full of rage and pain that she struggles to even articulate every awful thing they went through. The rest of the group (except Orym and Ashton, who are too tired to point out that Laudna is totally right, they went through hell) backpedals because it’s such a shock. Laudna is never like this.

And Imogen has no idea what to do. One of the first things she says after Laudna gets upset is that she can’t read her thoughts. She doesn’t ask what Laudna needs or how she can help because she’s so used to simply reading that information in Laudna’s mind. It’s a shock to Imogen, who until this moment has been blissfully free of everyone else’s thoughts. 

Laudna’s music is gone. 

Laudna admits that her thoughts are probably too coated in absolute rage to be readable before she remembers the circlet. But she expected to be able to keep from saying the hard parts aloud until she remembers that Imogen can't read her thoughts anymore.

This is the moment everything changes for them. 

Because Laudna can’t keep her walls up and and compartmentalize anymore. She's just too exhausted. Imogen has no idea how she’s doing and she doesn’t know what to do except try to reassure her. 

They both have to stop hiding if they ever want to be understood, and this is what pushes them to finally be open and honest with each other.

Imogen tries to be reassuring and comforting but it’s so quiet and she can’t stand it. What comes out is a desperate plea to finally be able to kiss the woman she loves. 

Imogen specifying that that she’s not sure how Laudna feels anymore is really important. I don’t doubt that Laudna has never thought of her love for Imogen as romantic. She’s mentioned how she’s never really accessed that part of her brain before (after the thing with Yu, she tells Imogen that she hasn’t accessed that part of her brain in 50 years. Laudna is just about 50 years old). 

That’s why Laudna, who never through of Imogen as a romantic partner because she never thought of romance as something attainable for her, was so surprised by Imogen’s request. It’s not for lack of love. Laudna loves Imogen as intensely as she has ever loved anyone, deeply and with her entire self. And the shock of Imogen admitting, openly and fervently, that Laudna is the person she wants to be with is exactly what Laudna needs right now. To be loved, loudly and openly and without hesitation. 

It’s like a floodgate. Laudna doesn’t just allow the kiss, she confides in Imogen how she’s truly feeling. How she’s terrified and angry and so so guilty. And when it all feels like too much, when the emotions that she’s never really had to share aloud before threaten to overwhelm her, Laudna kisses Imogen again. Because that’s a thing that’s allowed now. 

Kissing Imogen is something that Laudna can want, because she is worth loving just as she is. And it’s as natural as breathing. 

So she talks. About Bor’Dor, about Delilah, about how she feels so terrible for hoping that Delilah’s power can help them in the coming days. All the quiet parts she’s never had to say before, because Imogen always knew how to calm her fears before she voiced them. But the thing is, sometimes you need to voice it. Say the whole thing and sit with it. Now, Laudna has to voice it. And Imogen can listen, sit with the quiet and really hear her. And she still knows just what to say when Laudna starts to spiral. 

They both carry such immense burdens. But they will carry them together, and sometimes, that’s all you need. Just someone to listen, someone who will share the weight and love you all the more for it.

Ashley surprising everyone at SDCC 2015

Everyone screamed, hugged, and teared up. It was a sweet moment.❤️

“I was making a dead person who wasn’t romance-able!”

Marisha. Marisha. Sweetie. You made a girl with crippling self image issues who didn’t see herself as lovable, who couldn’t imagine herself being attractive to anyone physically or emotionally, who had a deeply codependent relationship with the one person who was never afraid of her. And you somehow didn’t think this would be CATNIP to BAFTA award winning queen of D&D romance Laura Bailey? Girl, you practically gift wrapped this for her.