Behold: My Classmate Who Brings Dead Birds To Class And Thinks Its Nbd

Behold: my classmate who brings dead birds to class and thinks it’s nbd

the Lucent Tales book is lovely and full of insight, but I particularly like the third story because it offers some (super cool) information on the origins of the adorable moths, as told through the research notes of Krill, ghost to Ubartu-ana. magiscience aside, there is a lot to unpack here. Ubartu-ana is clearly an ass, but Krill themself is not exactly a fan of the Hive either - at the very least not of their Hive. is this because of their lightbearer’s cruelty upon being rezzed? how many doubts did Krill have? did they give in to peer pressure, did they hear an unexplainable call to choose this person in particular? what shape do their regrets take? how does it feel, to wait for so long and have their hope so simply crushed? do they, too, consider the proto-Hive “weak pests”, do they echo Ubartu-ana’s sentiments upon meeting him, or do they still see some merit in the Hive they might’ve perhaps seen when they made their choice? is their research merely scientific curiousity or do they hope to heal the ailments of Ubartu-ana’s patients? all of these? none? is the final line, of their name - Krill - being poetic in that everything of value about Ubartu-ana came from his ghost, a clue to their original opinion, or a cruel little joke of Krill’s own?

it is all very beautiful and very sad and I wish we could hear more from Krill themself, but the saddest part is that in search for week one’s moth in the quagmire cave we must defeat a wizard and kill their ghost, and that wizard is Ubartu-ana.

I didn’t know other people spent time thinking about this too! I think about this stuff constantly! I read a lot of fantasy/fiction books, and zone out really often trying to think of how I’d explain things like the internet or an iPhone to different fantasy characters. A lot of the time I think “what if they could see me right now? What if they could see through my eyes? How would I explain the modern world to them?” It’s an infinite pastime. Constant entertainment. How would I explain Earth to Star Wars characters? How would I explain how their life is our fiction? How would I explain our houses and lights and air conditioning and radios to someone like Legolas? I do admit that a large topic is iPhones and the internet. So complex! I spend hours thinking about how to explain it in terms for medieval characters. Social media, google, videogames, movies, music, YouTube, and so on.

Zoned out for twenty min thinking about how I’d explain fortnite to an ancient Roman

The chili plant made a deal with their God to only be consumed by things that could spread its seeds and fly. The chili received capsaicin, making itself painful to eat for mammals, but not birds, and all was well for the chili.

Then the human shows up, tastes it, and likes the pain. So now there's this flightless fucking mammal eating the chili. Like not even a fruit bat or anything, a flightless fucking mammal chomping on the chili.

What the fucking shit, God, cried the chili, I specifically requested the opposite of this.

Now hold on, wait a moment, replied the God who talks to plants but has no idea what the fuck these apes are going to do next. It might be something cool.

And in a flash of a second, in barely fraction of the time that chili took to develop capsaicin, the humans went from walking across land bridges and rowing little boats across small waters, into building ships that could cross oceans. More humans tasted the chili, and liked the pain. They took the seeds with them, and planted it elsewhere.

See? They spread the seeds.

They're still not flying, said the chili, still feeling insulted and betrayed.

But before the conversation was over, the humans were still not done fucking around and nowhere close to finding out. The ships became machines, and another machine was invented, capable of flight. Now, not only were the humans farming chili on continents far too far away for any of the birds that originally ate it could dream of flying, but the chili flew with them to lands where it could possibly not grow, so that humans over there could also eat it and enjoy the pain.

You see? They spread your seeds and fly.

It doesn't count as keeping a promise if you only manage it by a fucking accident, said the chili, still somewhat insulted. But nonetheless, the chili thrived.

it's been said before and i'm sure said better than i can phrase it. but really, really - if you like making "i'm going to kill myself" jokes, please try switching to being ironically conceited instead.

anytime something goes wrong, say things like "ah well at least i'm beautiful and charming and everyone loves me." when you forget something, try "my big huge brain is so smart and thinking about too many other very big wizardly thoughts you wouldn't even understand." when you're frustrated by one of your symptoms, start talking like you're in My Immortal. "Life has come for me but my eyes are beautiful pools of gorgeous fire and my hair is amazing. I stuck my middle finger up at life and told it to fuck off and it did."

just... try it for a month or two. try saying the most absurdly self-congratulatory shit you can think of.

i know it's tempting to make suicide or self-harm jokes. and for me at least, a decade ago (!) when someone suggested i stop making those kinds of jokes, i was kind of at a loss for what to replace them with. i wanted to make light of these moments, but genuinely (at the time) my first thought really was suicidal ideation. there was a part of me that even felt like ... i was kind of "making light" of that voice. that if i could say i want to die lol, it would help take the sting out of that genuine (albeit passive) desire. like i could turn my illness into a joke.

when i started complimenting myself instead, it felt awkward and stupid. it felt really, really ironic. what i was actually saying was nobody would ever think this stuff about me, that's what makes it so fucking funny.

but. the effect was immediate. first thing i noticed was the people around me. when i dropped a glass and said ah my skin is too beautiful and sleek the glass has swooned and broken for me, other people were suddenly overjoyed to jump in with the joke. rather than making an awkward moment, we'd both start cracking up. ah princess sleek hands, i've heard of you.

i was 19. i hadn't noticed i'd been making others tense when i said i want it all to end. i know now that it's incredibly hard to know how to walk that moment - do you talk to them about your concern? do you potentially make them uncomfortable by asking if they're okay? do you ignore the situation? do you help them pick up the glass, or do they need to do it by themselves? are they genuinely made suicidal over this small moment? and most importantly, how do you - without professional training or supplies - actually help?

most people want to help you pick up the glass in your life, they just have no fucking idea how to do it. they don't want to make anything worse. they don't want to make assumptions about you. they love you, they're scared for you - and being scared makes people kind of freeze up. it's not because they don't love you. it's because they do.

now when something bad happens, my first thought is how can i make a stupid joke about this. it isn't my brain saying you're a dumb fucking bitch. i spend more time laughing. i spend more time being gentle with myself. i spend more time feeling good.

and the thing is - what's kind of funny - is that you'd be surprised by how many people agree with you. the first time i said i'm too pretty to understand that, someone else said to be fair you're the prettiest person in this room. i promise - you really don't know how kindly your friends see you. but they love you for a reason. they sort of reverse-velveteen-rabbit you. your weird and ugly spots fade away and you just become... the love they want to give you.

go love yourself ironically. the worst thing that happens is that you end up tricking your reflection into actually loving you.

I dunno who made the references, and don’t want to put this out here without saying I roughly traced the one on the right

I plan on finding the creators of both reference pics I used with a reverse image search, and I’ll update this when I do