Pail

Pail

Change a single letter and change the word game

I want to play a game with you all.

You have to make a new word by changing only one letter of the last word.

Dirt

The fact I'm literally going to a hospital on Friday to have my back and shoulders looked at the find out what the fuck is wrong with me

Thank you so much for the boops, but I'mma take a little break, my thumbs are dead as well as my brain💜🖤

For all my friends I know IRL and those that want to enjoy a bit of my daily chaos, let me present to you:

OUT OF CONTEXT QUOTES FROM THE ASTRONOMY CLASSROOM

(Discussing why they need to recover your body in antarctica)

Teacher: - But anyways, death aside- (Goes into particle physics)

@renon4224: Hold up, what?

Teacher: Well if you die in antarctica your body will be dissected to find out why you died.

@renon4224: Then why aren’t we researching the sahara for the extreme heat?

Teacher: If you die in the sahara you will be eaten before we find you. NOW BACK TO THEORETICAL PHYSICS-

---

Ginger (During a test): Does Nano stand for nine zeros or nine decimal places?

Teacher: Shhhhhhhh

Ginger: But-

Teacher: Holds up nine fingers and nods

Ginger: …Helpful. Very helpful.

---

@endo-bunny: (Chilling in the room before she goes to class) Teacher, if you could be any kind of penguin what kind would you be?

Teacher: Hopefully a dead one, that sounds like a miserable existence. 

---

Teacher: There is one shape that works in the arctic, and that is Round™. If the animal is not imitating a sphere, there is something wrong with it. 

---

(Arguing about the shape of a galaxy)

@silnebula: Its a penguin! The general shape is a penguin!

Ginger: Its clearly a hummingbird! 

@silnebula: No, that’s a penguin!

Ginger: @silnebula look at the breast. If your penguin is that skinny your penguin is dead.

---

Ginger: If you didn’t obsessively research spaghettification, what sort of childhood did you have?

@renon4224: My mom died.

---

Ginger: So basically, somebody gave the scientists crayons and we can’t take them away.

Teacher: …Yeah pretty much. 

---

Ginger: (Discussing the Nice model) So basically, Jupiter and Saturn are fighting and Uranus and Neptune went and made a mess in the ball pit

Teacher: And probably lost their anonymous sibling forever along the way, yes. And then Jupiter started stealing all the toys and wouldn’t give them back.

---

Ginger: …Why does Jupiter look microwaved?

---

Teacher: Yeah that was a big contribution to WWII, the Soviet Union wanted the deepest hole and gave us the middle finger over this.

Ginger: 𝅘𝅥𝅮My hole’s bigger than yours is𝅘𝅥𝅮  

---

Teacher: I don’t make the rules. If you don’t like them then topple the IAU’s dictatorship.

Class Clown: They can’t be dictators if they’re dead

@silnebula: NO.

---

Class Clown: But if you come to school sick you’ll get all the kids sick

Teacher: Didn’t you ever learn how to share?

---

Class Clown: Are you going to keep this out on the counter?

Teacher: Nobody has died from it yet. (It’s a small newton’s cradle.)

---

Teacher: Only two cars and three students were hit by the train while I was there. 

Physics Student: …What?

Teacher: Sacrifices must be made to the observatory.

---

@renon4224: Actually, Hel is beautiful on one side

Ginger: And freezing cold on the other.

@renon4224: Isn’t that just the definition of a teenage girl?

---

Ginger: VENUS IS A PLANET! IT SHARES NOTHING BUT THE NAME WITH THE GOD

@renon4224: LOOK AT HOW HOT SHE IS THOUGH!

---

Ginger: Let’s justs steal metal from Venus’s atmosphere!

Teacher: There are better things to shield with than lead. 

@renon4224: We can’t have children eating the spaceships.

---

@renon4224: How would you feel if you had to genetically modify your kids!

Smart Kid: That’s what orphans are for.

---

Principal: How’re we doing today?

@renon4224: Smart Kid wants to modify orphans and put them on mars.

Ginger: We’re turning the foster system into aliens. 

---

Ginger: That’s why you build a ring out of the junk in orbit

Teacher: Ah yes. A space station made out of screwdrivers, bolts, and toilets.

@renon4224: How does a toilet end up in space?

Teacher: It fell off!

---

Ginger: If I had a nickel for every toilet orbiting the earth, I would have two nickels which isn’t a lot but it's still weird that it happened twice. 

---

Teacher: The sand should be cool enough now to return the snake to it.

Ginger: Don’t cook the snake:

Teacher: Why?

@renon4224: Because it’s a beautiful creature!

Ginger: *At the same time* Because they don’t taste good.

---

Teacher: Yeah most chemists don’t consider Beryllium a metal, that’s an astronomy bias.

Ginger: Well does it taste like a metal?

Teacher: …No.

Ginger: Then its not a metal. 

@renon4224: How many metals are you eating?!?

Ginger: …

Ginger: Yes. 

---

Ginger: Teacher if you keep making us do math we’re gonna make you the next sacrifice to the nearest observatory.

Teacher: *Cackles*

--- Ginger: But chinchillas are cute!

Teacher: Not when they’re filled with flies and maggots. I found food and water and corpses when I came back.

---

Teacher: Chinchillas are just oversized cat food. 

---

Teacher: *fumbles his goggles and knocks them across the desk twice, has a glass dish shatter from liquid nitrogen, and turns around just in time to watch the egg he flash froze shatter on the floor and get the still liquid yolk everywhere.*

Ginger: It is not your day, is it.

Teacher: Apparently not. 

---

@renon4224: What does a spaghettified planet taste like?

Teacher: Rocks.

Ginger: Hey! That’s my question!

---

Teacher: I’m debating whether or not to inform a student’s parents on his possession or waiting for the second encounter to inform them that they need to call an exorcist. 

Ginger: Anyone in our class?

Teacher: No. Sophomore, 6th period. His demons got to him and he was terrorizing his classmates. 

Ginger: Huh. Usually he’s at least somewhat stable.

---

Ginger and @silnebula: Discussing Bob (Iputas)’s death in percy jackson and the sadness of it

Teacher: That is not what I think of when I hear the name Bob.

@silnebula: Well what do you think about?

Teacher: Pulls up a picture of mirror mask This?

Collective students: Shrieks and loud sounds of horror. WHAT IS THAT? W H A T  I S  T H A T?

---

Teacher: So I only have two people with notes today?

Ginger: What about me?

Teacher: You’re not a people, you’re a document. 

---

Ginger: Vive la pluto! Make the solarsystem great again!

---

Teacher: There’s always a hole in the sun, that’s what it does.

---

Teacher: Just use Windows+shift+S

Ginger: …I use a mac.

Teacher: Well then your life is worthless. 

---

Ginger: Is it ethical? No. But it's funny and you might learn something. 

---

Teacher: And what causes magnetic fields in gas giants?

Ginger: … Spinning?

Teacher: Spinning what?

Ginger: … Left. 

---

Teacher: I don’t do things with option keys. Options are evil.

---

@renon4224: Can we egg the IAU?

Ginger: … Field trip?

@renon4224: I was kidding-

Ginger: What are they gonna charge us with if they catch us? Biowarfare?

---

Teacher: The IAU is located in Geneva that seems like an expensive trip

Ginger: Oh even better we can break the Geneva convention while we’re there.

Ginger: All we need is a flamethrower.

@renon4224: Ginger we’re not raising Arsonists.

Ginger: (looking at the rest of the class) Too late.

---

Teacher: The last time I did a Kahoot it ended in three concussions and two broken chromebooks. It’s a bad idea.

---

Ginger: So if you had some bad experience with Kahoot but you haven’t said anything about… Jedi? Wait no-

Teacher: Yes, jedi. It was horrible, life alteringly bad experience. 

Ginger: I MEANT JEAPORDY! 

Teacher:... Also, yes. Bad experiences. Maybe one day I’ll tell you.

---

@renon4224: You had a bad experience with Jedi?

Teacher: Yes. It involved a scary lack of anaethetic. (he never did explain)

---

Ginger: Comments, questions, concerns?

Teacher: … possible institutionalization recommendations. 

---

Ginger: (Acting out a scene from a book she read) If you’re going to kill someone, do it outside. Looking at you, (most likely person to murder.)

Ginger: Murders outside only. Got it. 

Ginger: (Feigning concern for character change.) Or maybe no murders at all!?!

@silnebula: (Giggling uncontrollably at Ginger’s insanity.)

Teacher: That’s asking a lot. 

---

(Person on a video makes a face)

Ginger: Eww. Don’t move your jaw like that.

@renon4224: Fix his face. 

Teacher: So aside from the freak on tv-

---

@renon4224: Is Niel deGrass Tyson still alive?

Teacher: Yes. 

@renon4224: … I can fix that.

---

Teacher: I have long suspected that if you put a camera on a scientist it warps their brain in unimaginable ways and strange ways. 

---

Ginger: Teacher is a strange and eldritch being sent to punish us for our wicked ways.

@silnebula: … Is the punishment math? 

Ginger: Probably. And bad grades. 

---

Ginger: Why don’t we use the graph if it has more information?

Teacher: Because graphs scare people. 

---

Ginger: What does a shrimp have to be depressed about? Did his wife leave him?

---

@renon4224: How does a star have blackbody radiation if its not black?

Ginger: (Exasperated snarling)

@renon4224: Don’t do that, it reminds me of the demon in the closet.

---

Teacher: Nope, all the technetium comes from a thorium cow in California and they milk the cow and get the technetium and send it to hospital. 

---

@endo-bunny: Can I eat God?

Ginger: I like my God alive.

@endo-bunny: …I like my God scrambled.

---

Teacher: We ready for more math?

Ginger: I’m ready for a breakdown.

Teacher: Speaking of breakdown, Beryllium-

---

Ginger: Hand me a knife I have a dead guy to thrown down with on the steps of heaven

---

Ginger: Why are you cuddling the skeleton?

Teacher: Because its in my way.

@renon4224: Then move it?

Teacher: Its not that in the way yet. 

---

Ginger: Retirement? I just did a report on retirement in JMG!

Teacher: But these ones you don’t have to save money for.

Ginger: What type of 401k does a Star get?

Teacher: Nuclear fusion. 

---

Teacher: The sun is actually 40% brighter than it was when the earth was formed. 

Ginger: Is that why I burn so easily? I’m a dinosaur?

Teacher: …… (Spraybottles) 

---

Ginger: Imagine if aliens are watching us and just. Amused. 

Ginger: “Why are the hairless apes screaming into the bottomless pit? Shhh, let them be curious.”

Ginger: “They’re making good progress! They’re a little unsteady, but so far they’ve made it to the edge of their back yard and have found Rocks!”

---

Teacher: When you get into the weirder theories for black holes, things get… strange. 

Ginger: Eldritch gods?

Teacher: Yes. 

---

Ginger: I want to become one with the fuzzball

@renon4224: We cannot feed the fuzzball with our bodies.

Ginger: I’ll feed the fuzzball with your body then sacrifice myself to the Fuzzball

@silnebula: I want to be sacrificed!

Class Clown: We can feed Smart Kid’s Orphans to the fuzzball.

@renon4224: No! We’re not feeding the orphans to the Fuzzball.

Class Clown: Who is gonna miss them? Their parents?

---

Teacher: If we get a turtle we can put the turtle corpse skeleton in there with it to traumatize it. 

---

Teacher: I can fix the Geese’s weight, I have lead. 

---

Physics Student: (Pointing at the list for future Zoology creatures) Gargoyles?

@renon4224: That’s for the kids who can’t be trusted around animals

Teacher: Their job is to polish it daily and sacrifice a pidgeon to it daily

@silnebula: Clean the alter of the gargoyle with a toothbrush.

---

@renon4224: If you get geese and goats in the classroom you can eat them when they die!

---

Teacher: Unfortunately, there is no law of conservation of pain. Just because you torture one thing does not mean the torture will come back to you. 

@renon4224: …Therefore I can torture you, consequence free?

---

@renon4224: If you kill me to take a slice of my skin, its just carbohydrates

Ginger: Who says we have to kill you?

@renon4224: Well it wouldn’t be given willingly. 

Ginger: We can obtain it unwillingly just as well without killing you.

Teacher: That’s what chloroform is for. 

An open note to readers of fanfic

Sometimes I stare at the computer screen when the words don’t want to come and I think, “Fuck, who am I kidding? This is terrible writing, and this story is shit, and no one cares, anyway.”  And I close the window and go do something else.

But every now and then I get an amazing, heartfelt, beautiful comment from someone who loved something I wrote, and it reminds me that, at least for that one person, I did write something worthwhile. And so I open the window again and I write one sentence, and then another, and then I start to find my way again.

So on behalf of all fanfic writers everywhere, I want to say thank you, thank you so much, to all of the readers who take the time to leave a comment and tell us that something we wrote mattered to you, that it brightened your day or made you laugh or cry or get horny or whatever.

Please don’t think we’re ever bothered by your comment, or that we don’t want to hear it, or that what you have to say isn’t important enough. It means so, so much. And on some days, it’s what keeps us going.