Okay Holy Shit I Managed To Learn How To Upload Audio On Mobile (Thank You CloudFountain), So Heres My

Okay holy shit… I managed to learn how to upload audio on mobile (Thank you CloudFountain), so here’s my Thanksgiving farts, a portion of them.. I never fart like this Unless it’s after a huge meal, which is what I had (not to mention about three gallons of milk). Still, even with that these were fucking huge, you probably shouldn’t expect anything like this until next Thanksgiving (Or maybe Christmas) Happy whatever it is you’re celebrating

——————————————- Okay, here it *finally* is. I just started and audio is already late… Sorry for the wait! If you still can’t listen, try using desktop

Thicc white lady farts super loud

So this happened a couple of days ago. I don’t usually post non-voiced audio but this was a special case. There was more both before and after the recording but I managed to get all this at one time. 

This is what happens when I drink way too much milk than I should have….

Bad Protein

Jason, having tried a new protein powder before his workout, has now decided he will not be consuming it again. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to state that it was currently consuming him. 

What had originally started out as a typical run of his usual lifting regimen was transforming into a test of core strength and willpower as he struggled to hold back rapidly building gas. Far be it from him to make excuses to skip on his workouts, but by the time he was doing pull-ups with a weight vest, it was becoming too much to bear, and other gymgoers were starting to notice.

“Woah, dude, you alright?” another young man near him asked after he sat down, looking obviously sick and winded.

Keep reading

realistically, i wouldn’t bother people w my smells- at least i try not to.

but god, being the gross classmate. people sit away from me, the teacher knows and lets them keep their distance. you’re new in the class and see me sitting alone, despite nonverbal warnings from your new classmates, you sit right next to me. i watch as your face turns before you gain control and give me a stiff grin. i shrug, thinking it’s my smell that’s just disgusting you- silently, you’re dying inside with how much you’re enjoying it.

i haven’t showered in more than a week, i pick my nose and either eat it or wipe it on the table, my stained sweatpants have fallen halfway down my ass- revealing even more smells. i push out muffled gas into my padded seat- the one with skid marks left on it. — i hardly notice how you’ve squeezed your legs together, or your teasing comments made with a blush.

the windows are kept open in the class, the teacher has air fresheners on- i am evidently the reason. you’re probably isolated for just sitting with me, people make rumors that you don’t have a sense of smell at all- still, you get closer. rubbing my belly at times, giving me spicy snacks- making little comments that only make me fart in response.

give in, let me be a slob at your will.