Famous Poems Rewritten As Limericks

Famous Poems Rewritten as Limericks

The Raven

There once was a girl named Lenore And a bird and a bust and a door And a guy with depression And a whole lot of questions And the bird always says “Nevermore.”

Footprints in the Sand There was a man who, at low tide Would walk with the Lord by his side Jesus said “Now look back; You’ll see one set of tracks. That’s when you got a piggy-back ride.”

Response to ‘This Is Just To Say’ This note on the fridge is to say That those ripe plums that you put away Well, I ate them last night They tasted all right Plus I slept with your sister. M’kay?

Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening There once was a horse-riding chap Who took a trip in a cold snap He stopped in the snow But he soon had to go: He was miles away from a nap.

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night There was an old father of Dylan Who was seriously, mortally illin’ “I want,” Dylan said “You to bitch till you’re dead. “I’ll be pissed if you kick it while chillin’.”

I Wandered Lonely As a Cloud There once was a poet named Will Who tramped his way over a hill And was speechless for hours Over some stupid flowers This was years before TV, but still.

The Flaw in Every Crystal

Chapter 10: Retraining Arc Part 2

Aka Goddammit Triage

Yeah, okay, sorry truth time, I think I hate Triage the most out of every character in this story. Especially now as opposed to when I started this review, or read this story the first time through. At first I didn’t think anything of her. She was an OC, and I as a...well...fleeting fan did not care for any “new” or unknown to me characters in a story. She just seemed so minor, like one of the powerless good guys in the story just showing up to fix Jazz. Then I read TAAO, which still didn’t change as much...then I read the meta for TAAO (especially Starscream), and started watching Bojack Horseman. And dear god did I start hating the character I once viewed with total apathy. I guess its because that show and those metas kinda put into words to me how little thoughts and your headspace, and your reasons can really matter when talking about morality of characters like Triage.

That is to say she is not a bad character in that all her actions and movitations are believable. This is in I personally do not like, hate, and even loathe her, more than the party characters, more than Prowl, heck, more than Barricade. Probably in part because she acts so bubbly and that the system is fine because it worked out for “her” and anyone with a differing opinion needs to just get with the program, in part her happy exterior, but mostly I think because the author may not want us to hate her.

We are supposed to hate the party mechs for how uncomfortable they make Jazz, we are supposed to hate Barricade for being a total asshat, we are okay to hate Prowl because he is the reason for Jazz being there. But Triage we get scenes humanizing her, we get to see her relationship, hear her thoughts, and see how torn up she is over how Jazz is suffering. But that’s just it, thoughts don’t really matter. You can think something is wrong all you want but unless you do something, it doesn’t mean shit! Like Diana in Bojack said “I don’t think I believe in deeper down...its actions that matter.” (paraphrasing) In this same trial of thought we get Starscream fans who want him to be better, but so many believe that wanting to do better, or thinking how you can’t do better, won’t make you better, it just makes you self-aware. Same with Blast-Off, wherein he knows what his time and love-interest did was wrong, but did nothing to stop it, which may even be worse because he at least KNEW.

Same with Triage, she can cry and feel bad for Jazz getting beat up all she wants, but none of it will really help Jazz. Heck, the more I think about it, the less I think its about Jazz himself but more how he makes Triage feel that’s the problem! She cares more for how Jazz is making her question things than her own patients well-being and making her feel sad, that is Messed-Up yet she is one of only two characters we get to hear the thoughts of for a lot of the starting chapters!!!

*ahem*

Anyway, on to the chapter!

So, Triage shows up to check on Jazz after Prowl decided to take his pound of flesh from the bot. Triage is upset that her patient is being all unruly and kinda depressing. So she tries to form a bond with Jazz to speed up the healing process by talking about how she is also a sub and probably only one to two tiers above Jazz. She does this so that Jazz will let her in to fully examine him. While she knows Prowl won’t try to kill Jazz, she, and we, know he can all to easily accidentally do so as he had almost starved Jazz to death before.  

Jazz sees this as a betrayal to think she was lying about being badly off. Triage on the other had is just annoyed that Jazz is being such a drama king about the whole kidnapping and brainwashing thing. And how he will be so much happier once he loves Big Brother as well in this Brave New World. 

I “love” how she calls it arguing when she is simply dismissing the other side out of hand as either wrong or just over emotional. She doesn’t even comment to Jazz until he brings up her mate, in which case she only reacts by getting defensive. Jazz brings up that even if treated right, she still isn’t her own person. Triage says how she isn’t owned, but from the sound of Praxus, I think its safe to say that she’s in denial on that one. “She protects me” like I protect my plants or my cat. I care about them, and they are their own beings, but no one could say I didn’t own them as well. The two are not mutually exclusive, if anything it is unusual to not care about things you own. Her defensiveness of her lifestyle to Jazz almost reeks of “the corner doth protest too much” like she is using the same argument she as told herself once upon a time. 

Also, quick note that the Praxus if you agreed once, you have given consent to this forever is reallllllly creepy and reminds me of the whole arguments against marital rape. You said yes, no take-backs for any reason. God, some Praxian relationships must get suuuper toxic if one half changes and they start to hate each other.

"I ain't lettin' anyone else control me, ever again."  - This is an interesting line, since up till now Prowl hasn’t really been able to control Jazz. In Prowl’s mind that is the entire problem. Yet Jazz sees it that way. Is he referring to Prowl’s control of his body or Prowl’s control in forcing Jazz to fake being a sub? Or is this referring to another event from Jazz’s past that he may not be even fully recalling in the moment? 

“As his mate, it is his duty to protect you from as much danger as possible.” I wonder whose opinion of “possible” matters? Like would you be able to ever prove a dom wasn’t doing his duty towards his mate to get the dom in trouble? Is that a law or just expected? And I guess if it was a proven law the sub would just become state property, right?

   "I've seen to more difficult patients before and survived well, this time will be no different." - just how many “Jazz”‘s has she seen? How many would ever make her truly question her culture instead of just falling back to being defensive? 

And so, for how he acted Jazz gets his voice taken. There’s a said irony that the last word he was able to say was a simple “No.” The final line of the chapter was “It was enough to get Jazz wondering if rebellion was actually worth it.” Just sums up everything so nicely there. 

Till next time!

The Flaw in Every Crystal

Chapter 12: ‘Retraining Arc’ Part 4

Aka: Getting to know you

Aka: None of this had to happen

Chapter first released on Zombie Jesus day, I’m reviewing about a month before his birthday, but I just couldn’t wait so let’s get into it.

So, after a few days of learning and review, Prowl decides that its time for exams in his EXTREME Wing Language Accelerated Course WL101.  

We see when Jazz first responds to Prowl early on that he isn’t ready to start earning trust points back quite yet. Rather he is still showing Prowl all the anger he still has in the situation. Then Prowl uses the threat of harm to Jazz to get Jazz to stop acting out. As this is still early on in the abuse cycle wherein the pain to Jazz’s wings hasn’t faded from his memory yet, Jazz complies. And this then of course justifies Prowl’s actions to himself since then he is able to get what he wants out of Jazz, erasing any guilt Prowl may have had in the moment of hurting Jazz via believing that getting Jazz to behave will prevent any future harm. We can see this in Prowl, instead of letting Jazz’s submission at the threat of violence be enough, threatening Jazz again with more communication isolation/harm to his new wings. 

Aka, as long as I can imagine a harsh even end, any means can be justified to prevent it.

As Prowl leaves for a full day, we finally get to see some of the isolation getting to Jazz more since he expresses relief at Prowl returning. It’s probably a pretty bad/realistic nightmare to Jazz that if Prowl died, Jazz would just be left in THAT ROOM to rot/deactivate all alone and super slowly since he would have until the drip ran out entirely. Granted this would probably not happen as Prowl’s assets, mate included, would either go to his family or the state if his family decided they didn’t want their son’s quarter/fifth trained mate.

And now more miscommunication, as Prowl won’t directly tell Jazz what he is feeling/thinking/expecting in terms of Jazz, Jazz sees all of Prowl’s actions as either random or a set up to pain. So when Prowl gives a generic “Sorry I’m late” Jazz right away is on edge trying to figure out a true meaning/code to the words that may not even be there. 

Interesting to note that in spite of everything Prowl refers to the house as “our home” to Jazz. This indicates that Prowl is still reminding Jazz that there is a reason for him to be going through all of this, as Prowl wants the end goal of them being mates/together, for a time at least. Prowl also mentions the house, but not the attack. Prowl actually doesn’t bring it up until he needs a reason to prevent Jazz from being released from suspension. (Though considering I read MTMTE, Jazz should be happy he was just strung up instead of “Getaway-ed”) 

Prowl also uses this conversation to remind Jazz pretty much of the old saying “Once bitten, twice shy” and that he will be watching Jazz for any deceit from now on. I can’t help but think that there are a lot of versions of Prowl that would actually love this little give and take, trying to see how Jazz will escape and what tactics he will use with anticipation and excitement as opposed to this versions irritation. It’s kinda sad really that there doesn’t even seem to be a hint of respect or admirable. In other story, this could be grade A filtration material right here!

"I am not looking for a pet of any sort," Prowl replied with a bite of anger.

Yes Jazz, its pretty obvious Prowl wants a doll more than a pet. Pets can attack and make messes after all. Dolls just stand there and look pretty while spouting off the same three lines over and over again. 

"Maybe if I wasn't forced into it, ever think a' that?" ..."Because that would have worked so well…" Prowl's wings now flared too. "You showed such opposition to the idea of remaining that it's impossible to believe you would have cared to be grateful."

Now this is an odd sentence. Prowl is making it seem here as though he made Jazz his mate to prevent Jazz from leaving right away. But the fact of the matter is that Jazz kept quiet at first about leaving, even wanting to take in all of the sights while Prowl was applying to make Jazz his mate. It was finalized the day that Jazz tried to make a brake for it true, but the ball had already been rolling long before that. And Jazz knows this as Prowl gave him the bonding certificate when he was about to bolt. Is Prowl blending the two in his mind or is he trying to gaslight Jazz about it in this moment? Maybe Prowl is trying to justify and get up some more righteous anger at Jazz trying to leave?

“ Maybe if we woulda' got along well I coulda' came back or you coulda' moved to Iacon...”

And this line means that Jazz must know that Prowl was planning things out for awhile to keep Jazz in Praxus. After all, Jazz is recalling how they did actually get along at first and it was mutual attraction with Jazz’s intelligence/creativity sparking something in Prowl to make him chose Jazz. Not love, not lust after learning Prowl’s true goal for kidnapping, but it was something at least that Prowl saw in Jazz that told him he could stomach spending a lot of time with Jazz. Which I just realized makes what Jazz said about Prowl moving to Iacon to be with Jazz has SO MUCH DRAMATIC IRONY. I think that’s the correct usage of that phrase at least.

So much trouble and hassle would/could of been prevented if instead of shutting the conversation down at this point, Prowl had just said, even in anger, that he would not have been allowed to move to Iacon. Not even give the reason, but just that tidbit for Jazz to chew on. BUT NOOOOOO. Though even at this point, I don’t know how well Jazz would have responded. Would Jazz have tried to pounce on cooperating right away or would he have still been too angry at what Prowl has already done to him?

What Jazz said must have struck at least some kind of cord with Prowl since Prowl does return later in the orn to give Jazz a second shot at “earning” his energon. And then Prowl uses one foot to step into the room since the other goes straight into his mouth. Trying to say that Jazz being disobedient is not earning himself energon on purpose and therefore Jazz is staving himself and must be watch over to ensure that he will not starve himself via....pissing off Prowl...who doesn’t give Jazz enough energon... therefore making Jazz starve...himself? I think Prowl’s chain of logic is missing a few links, but hay, what else is new?

Jazz is going along with it, though in the moment we don’t know whether its hunger or finally putting a new plan into motion that has more steps than “frick off Prowl”.For asking in such a way Prowl allows Jazz to hold the cube himself via releasing only Jazz’s arms from restraints. I don’t know if its because he is still being punished for early, to make sure Jazz can’t attack him, or if Jazz’s arm use was all Prowl decided Jazz was owned for how he asked. 

And then Jazz moves forward with his current master plan, “Frick off Prowl” and throws it in Prowl’s face. Great plan Jazz, this is why you grow into a master spy someday. *slow clap* Honestly surprised that a return to the start in Jazz being fully done up and mute was the punishment and not something harsher. Though Jazz did restrain himself by throwing it in Prowl’s face rather than spitting it. Probably because once it was in his mouth his hunger would force Jazz to sallow. 

Plan “Frick off Prowl” moves forward a notch as Prowl demands an apology from the now seriously starving Jazz. Jazz at this point is so angry, distinguished, and powerless that he just kinda accepts death out of sheer defiance. Then Prowl returns insult for insult by dumping the energon below Jazz. Prowl only leaves when he can get the last word lately I’ve noticed, and if Prowl doesn’t get the last word in, he mutes Jazz. 

Prowl takes some time to form up a new strategy since his current one is going pretty bad. Jazz on the other hand seems to given up on any plan beyond “Frick off Prowl” to the point of trying to make them both loose rather than risk Prowl come anywhere close to winning. Prowl’s new plan seems to be a war of attrition, just wearing Jazz down to the point where he will actually accept energon from Prowl now. 

Quick note on this sentence:  “ Alone Jazz would have gotten about as much on him as in him, all of his functions having slowed down quite a bit. so the other's assistance helped quite a bit. “ Kinda odd to hear the phrase used twice so close together, though I know I’m probably not one to talk about such things.

Anyway, now that Jazz is weak enough to be handled, Prowl goes for pleasant physical contact to try to remind Jazz of how things could be. Jazz, being so touch-starved, goes for it at first. We then go for another ride on the “Jazz emotional roller-coaster,sponsored by Prowl” as Prowl goes from petting Jazz’s head to harming his wing at Jazz’s delayed response to being petted by Prowl. 

"You have no right to act angry when it is your own fault for your present situation.” I feel that this is a phrase that SO needs to be tossed back into Prowl’s face at some point. Especially any time he riles Jazz up on purpose and then berates Jazz for his actions while angry, or just any time Prowl gets angry at Jazz. Kinda disappoints me that i don’t think it ever is... 

Jazz, I know I said before about using your life as a valuable game piece, but I was thinking more in terms of poker, or chess, not a freaking game of chicken or a staring contest!

And with Prowl’s declaration that Jazz will not die, Jazz’s goals suddenly become a lot clearer. 

Till next time!

The Flaw In Every Crystal

Chapter 18 Part 2 ....of Part 2

Aka: The garden party

Aka: Guy needs a hobby

Okay, been a while so let’s just get right back into it. Jazz as a new paint job in all grays and now gets to visit the garden as part of his ... walk. They get just waved through the gates since Jazz now has THE WINGS OF CITIZENSHIP or close enough at least. When they come upon the singing crystals, Prowl asks Jazz to enter alone to experience them himself now that he should be able to hear them via his wings. Jazz thinks the song he now hears is a bit bittersweet which makes sense of him projecting just how far he has had to come and what he has been put through to hear them fully.

Of course now that Jazz has heard some music again, it revives that part of him leading him to want to create his own music again. We also see how Prowl can accept some core values that Jazz has but not others. Such as he is willing to allow Jazz to stay with the singing crystals for as long as Jazz wishes because he understands how much music makes up Jazz’s character. Yet Prowl fails to grasp that rebellion is another equal facet of Jazz and cannot just be removed or suppressed yet leave the rest of him as Jazz.

Jazz forces himself to leave the area early as not to make Prowl angry at being forced to wait. This makes sense as Prowl didn’t say that Jazz could take as long as he wanted. So though Prowl assumes that Jazz will stay in there until fetched, Jazz believes that Prowl will want to leave in order to see the rest of the garden and catch the next transport to deal with whatever is on the schedule next and would be angry if thrown off it. 

Kinda surprised that touching the crystals is allowed. But I guess that if it is only Praxian’s who are taught to know better or mechs with Praxians they assume that nothing too bad will happen to the exhibit. I wonder if they ever change the crystals out or rearrange them to change up the exhibit every once in a while or if it is a permanent fixture?

It is cute that there is a little hidden shop in the gardens for kids to discover and get a little take home kit. Unfortunately Jazz seems to find it cute too and combined with the rest of what has happened today is leaving him rather out of sorts over what to feel.

“... proper sensor wings aren’t installed until one’s adult frames.” Is this to say the kids aren’t born with wings from any couple and instead everyone gets wings when they become a citizen?

Jazz’s wings seem to be becoming a tell for him as he finds it hard to control them properly. So while he can hide his facial expressions, the wings give him away. 

Prowl seems interested and says that Jazz may have talent. I wonder if this is due to Jazz’s interest in music or is it that people who grow crystal are regarded and having an outsider mate who can grow crystals would be a better status symbol for Prowl? I can’t think that crystals grown by an outsider would be considered anything more than a parlor trick by most Praxian’s though. Also they don’t charge for the crystal growing kit?

When they get back home it seems that Jazz is uneasy with how he seems to be losing himself to the role Prowl expects him to be playing as the sub. Though Prowl is rather self-sufficient already so Jazz can very quickly get left with nothing to do. Though now he does have the crystals to occupy his time.

Praxian’s must not really have a music scene what so ever if Prowl is working so hard to get Jazz into the crystals rather than a quiet instrument to occupy his time.

Thus we end this chapter with both going into recharge after a busy day of gifts for Jazz.

Till next time!

Thank god I wasn’t the only one who saw that scene and thought: Yay! Whirl’s daughter is back! He’ll be so proud...

Quick! Name-drop Whirl and they’ll consider you a bro!

The Flaw in Every Crystal

Chapter 17: 'Life in Praxus' Part 1

Aka: A bigger cage is still a cage

Aka: Trust is the two way street Prowl plowed a semi across

So Prowl gives Jazz back his outside THAT ROOM rights. That’s nice. Jazz initially cringed when Prowl entered so any time skip that may have happened can be assumed to have gone just as well as it had the chapter before the intermission. 

“How do you think your training is going?” That is such an asshole ask. Jazz, if he were in a better or worse state of mind: “One star, would not recommend.” But as it is Jazz is in complete survival mode and just gives in to Prowl to avoid more pain.  

“... a simple flick of his wings to indicate he was speaking honestly.” Does this mean that wing movements can indicate lying? Or would it be more sarcasm?

Interesting that Prowl says he wants to offer and treat while unhooking Jazz, as thought the freedom isn’t said to be a reward for Jazz’s behavior but rather just Prowl’s nasty habit of assuming Jazz knows what he believes to be the obvious. Prowl either really trusts that the current training of Jazz has been working or maybe this could be some more subconscious guilt leading him to almost entirely unhook Jazz for the first time since the second explosion. 

Jazz is wobbly at first though I’m not sure if its just because of his mental state or also due to possible harm from being unable to move for so long. Or a bit of both. Or it could be lack of energon as Prowl believes. Prowl may not think it could be physical harm since he expects Jazz to be able to follow him through the house just fine.

Jazz eats too much to soon and almost gets sick which it surprised me a bit that Jazz was allowed to feed himself again. I’m glad at least Prowl didn’t comment on it. We see how well Jazz responds to physical comfort as he leans into Prowl as Prowl rubs his back. Prowl then tucks Jazz into the bed to sleep for a bit, a move that actually would seem sweet if not for everything else leading up to it.

When Jazz wakes up, he wraps himself in the blanket he was covered with more for comfort. It reminds me of how children do a similar action of hiding under blankets to protect themselves from monsters. It’s good that Jazz finally feels safe enough to let his grief and sadness over losing the life he worked so hard to get. 

I wonder how much of Prowl’s following actions are due to his own feelings and how much is the training Prowl is following having a section of what is almost a kind of aftercare for the physically harshest part of the training. 

"I realize how amazing it must feel at this point," Prowl began. -- Sure Prowl, sure you do.

We then see just how much the punishment cycles and Prowls lack of communication have affected Jazz since he believes that he will now lose the blankets and such when really Prowl just wants Jazz to recharge in the ‘normal’ way. It almost seems like Prowl will harm Jazz again for not doing exactly as told. Which is a lot of the root of the problem. Prowl wants Jazz to take his words at face value and only do as commanded while Jazz is trying to anticipate what Prowl wants to avoid punishments. And because Jazz can have no idea what Prowl is thinking, he fails and then to Jazz he gets punished for no reason trying to do what Prowl wants while to Prowl its obviously because Jazz failed to listen. 

Prowl tries to say that Jazz can always ask for clarification of orders but fails to take into account Jazz’s fear of punishment for not understanding something after enough times. There is also the embarrassment of having to ask for clarification of what sounds like a simple order due to not being sure what Prowl would consider the “correct” way of carrying it out. Like if Prowl said “wash the cubes” Jazz won’t know if he means to A) fill the sink with soapy water to let the cups soak, B) follow A but wash the cups right away, C) fill a smaller wash basin located under the sink to wash the cups, D) lather a sponge and use that as to not waste water. It seems like a simple and obvious order to Prowl but Jazz has no way of knowing which answer is right or punishable as each probably seems equally valid to him. Add on to this that no one wants to actually ask “hey, how do I wash a dish?”

We end on Prowl once again happy to live out his little couple’s fantasy as Jazz cannot sleep due to worry about the minefield of the future in front of him.

Till next time!