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The Flaw in Every Crystal

Chapter Two:  'Welcome to Praxus' Part 2

aka Tour of the City

aka That Bad Feeling Isn’t Going Away

aka Writing this late as stress relief after QUITE A DAY so sorry for the tangents

So, Prowl has a day off and its time to go sightseeing. This is the only time Jazz really can since he needs Prowl as an escort to go anywhere on threat of banishment. Kinda wonder then if they make you pay for your exit ticket or if the city pays to send you off...do they buy you the worst seats? Can you upgrade your exile ticket? Do you have to go back to the origin city or is it one of those “you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here”? 

I wonder how stir crazy Jazz has been going cooped up at Prowl’s home so much. Odd how such a big deal is made out of how secretive Praxus is but Prowl assumes that Jazz already has places he knows about in the city and wants to be taken to. Then again, it is only polite to ask Jazz first and it is kinda Jazz’s job to know these things. I also wonder why Jazz hasn’t contacted anyone about his paperwork being stolen. Like call his boss to try to arrange for some new ones? I know that it may be a rare occurrence but I feel that it shouldn’t be unheard of. Maybe Jazz would have to show up to get new papers himself and doesn’t want to force Prowl to go through the red tape again?

I like how I read this part as: 

Jazz: “what do you do for fun?”

Prowl: “I’m not sure I follow.” What is this “fun” you speak of?

Kinda weird vaguely knowing what happens from having read the story multiple times before.  Seeing Prowl reminding Jazz about how best to see the city for a job that Prowl knows full well Jazz is never going back to feels like it should be creepy now, but I find it more confusing than anything else. We also have Prowl reminding Jazz that he doesn’t count as a tourist anymore but frames it as having an Escort rather than being a hopeful future citizen. Like why play pretend when Jazz already, in Prowl’s mind at least, already agreed to stay? I would say its just Prowl screwing with him, but that’s not who he is in this story. Maybe Prowl’s trying to buy time while the paperwork goes through? Or he knows deep down how Jazz will react and is trying to put it off?

Yes, explain what this “music” is Jazz, is it like the “dancing” banished by the elders from our city of Elmore?

I wonder if the fact that Praxian music can only be heard by Praxians mean the city would seem eerily quite to anyone not Praxus in the non-tourist areas. 

So I guess there isn’t some chip on Jazz or anything. It was more just that anyone no Praxian in Praxus is going to be talking to the police....a lot. I wonder why they ask Prowl if he knows Jazz is following than just asking Jazz why he’s there in the first place since they are outside of the tourist sections. 

So no one talks to them but they are saying something in wing. I assume its just the standard “Hi!” “Hi.” Odd that they aren’t even getting stared at with a non-native in the gardens. Maybe politeness trumps curiosity?

I have a feeling that all the conversations between Jazz and Prowl so far has been that whole “honest but if you don’t ask directly about a topic you won’t get much” type.

I wonder if any wings would be able to hear the crystals “sing” or if its just praxian. Would a seeker just hear nails on a chalkboard?

"So I can't hear any of it without a pair of wings myself?" Jazz asked, to which Prowl nodded. Jazz gave a soft ex-vent at the missed opportunity but refused to let it get him down. Instead he joked, "makes me kinda wish I did have some."

Oh god the foreshadowing.

I wonder what happens if the wings are rejected by the mech. Do they just die, are they scarred for life? Is it seen as shameful even though the mech would have no say in it?

I feel for Jazz in this situation with the two mechs on the street. You don’t know what’s going on or how to really help, but you can’t just stand there and do nothing. It’s also a bit sad to see how brainwashed/naive Prowl is to be thinking to himself how no one would injure their mate on purpose. Also I wonder how much/often/how the whole ”we are morally better, its the outside world that is scary/bad/morally wrong”.  It also leads to the whole believing a low crime rate to a lack of crime rather than examining what the laws are and how they are enforced. It reminds me kinda about how I think its Sweden has a higher rate of sex crimes not because there are more rapists there but rather because their definition of a sex crime encompasses more situations than here.

Uh, nothing creepier to me than trying to do something for someone’s “own good” as though of course you know them better than they do. I wonder if someone would become property of Praxus if their mate just didn’t come back for them, or died. Would the leftover mate automatically go to the city or the next living relative?

"It is a harsh punishment, but so is the crime of hurting the innocent, and it is only through fear of such intense repercussions that we can prevent unruly behaviors." FORESHADOWING!!!

On that ominous note: See ya in chapter 3!

Flaw in Every Crystal Chapter 3

'Welcome to Praxus' Part 3

aka Welcome to the Hotel California

So, Jazz is finally starting to catch on to the fact that something is rotten in Denmark. Kinda cool getting the feed back and now being able to read this chapter knowing without a doubt that Jazz was never going to be able to get on that transport, Prowl or no Prowl. 

Odd that Prowl notices things out of place as in having already considered all of Jazz belongs to be “theirs” and therefore belonging in the home. I wonder if there is anything then that Prowl doesn’t approve of that was “misplaced” by Jazz at some point? I also wonder if they have been going dutch on all meals, Jazz was going to leave some credits to pay his way, or if he just let Prowl get the bills? 

It really shows Jazz’s now unease with Prowl after Prowl had shown just how cold and accepting of Praxus justice he could be in how Jazz tries to leave before Prowl can even get home. We also see this in how Jazz reacts by not telling Prowl that he wishes to go home but rather make an excuse about how he has to leave. It rather reminds me of stories of girls being afraid to say no to a creepy guy and inside coming up with an excuse to avoid him.

I still have a hard time telling if Prowl is messing with Jazz, not getting how it isn’t obvious that Jazz is staying there now, or still trying to avoid the confrontation with Jazz about what is going on. He still speaks rather vaguely saying how unfortunate it is that Jazz is being called away, meaning Jazz is losing his job, not that Jazz has to go. He finally lays it out at the very end of the conversation: that Jazz isn’t going anywhere.

Sidenote: Is part of the research going into approving a mate seeing if they have any family or other lovers before taking them? I can’t imagine the city being happy if someone’s family/mate from another city comes looking for them and finds out what is going on. 

I assume that since Prowl is the “dominate” mate, he gets all the paperwork and therefore make it so that Jazz never had to appear in front of any council to get approved, but other pairs (raised in Praxus) go together like how people get a marriage certificate together nowadays? If/when someone is “trained”/properly mated, is there like a party? Marriage, thing?

Odd how Prowl was trying to avoid telling Jazz what was going on all this time, but now is like “but you’re a citizen that can go anywhere now, isn’t this what you wanted?” Kinda glad that I’m getting to reread this after reading “These shackles you forged” (http://archiveofourown.org/works/7031566/chapters/15999883) (fanfic about skids/tarn, where Tarn “trains” skids. Very dark.) for the first time. Its cool seeing the parallels between Tarn and Prowl here in trying to get their victim to feel that this is the logical course of all of the choices that the victim has made rather than just them being backed into a trap. Of course Tarn’s take a much more sexual nature rather than Prowl’s physical, but then again, Tarn has “trained” Skids a lot faster than Prowl trained Jazz. Very interesting comparing the two is all I am saying.

Anyway, back to the story at hand. I am kinda disappointed that we don’t see what the datapad says since Jazz just glances at it and is otherwise preoccupied. I wonder if it would be just one of those “insert name here forms” or actually explain more about what is going on to Jazz, laying out rules and regulations expected of him now. 

We also see that Prowl doesn’t try to physically restrain Jazz from leaving at this moment. Instead he simply tells Jazz how pointless it would be to try to go. Maybe Prowl doesn’t want to see himself as so much of the bad guy yet? Or does he see Jazz as someone who has to run headfirst into the door first before being told that it’s a pull door? 

I am a bit confused still though. If Prowl didn’t arrange for Jazz’s datawork to go missing, then why would someone steal it? Jazz says they take a scan of Jazz’s frame to match against the datawork, so does that mean that only Jazz can use it or could someone with the same frame work pass himself off as Jazz in order to leave? And why does Jazz having identifying documentation now? Is it different from the other paperwork? Like his passport is gone, but he has his driver’s license? 

I wonder if they contacted Prowl, or if Prowl just guessed where Jazz would be? I assume the wait for joors that Jazz endured was deliberate by Prowl to really let lesson one sink in. Also did they scan Prowl to ensure he was Jazz’s mate, or did Prowl just have to claim so? If they just go by word of mouth I can see bots getting kidnapped that way to pay back petty grudges to the dominate mate. 

We now also see Prowl getting serious. I wonder since the paperwork was made official just today if training was going to start now anyway, or if Prowl would let Jazz stay in the dark about the whole thing a bit longer? Since Jazz forced Prowl’s hand here, but based on how Prowl acts later in the story, I could see Prowl just pretending a bit longer and letting Jazz think he could still go back if only to be able to spend more time with the Jazz who caught his optic without having to deal with any arguments. Now that could be another story, Prowl trying to train Jazz by subtly telling him about Praxian culture seeing how far into it Jazz will get before realizing the truth. I almost want to say that may be me projecting a more “okay” less physical punishment preference on Prowl that doesn’t exist.

I just can’t believe that Prowl thought Jazz would just become a perfect sub once he was told he was now a citizen, though knowing what I know happens later, maybe he did.

I wonder how long Prowl had the collar and room set up? He had to have had it before Jazz arrived, so is the secret torture room just standard in houses in Praxus? Are there homes made to include the training rooms, or did Prowl just figure he would probably prefer someone outside of Praxus? Or did Prowl have someone come in a quickly set things up while he was showing Jazz around the city?

Did Prowl have the collar or did he go out and buy one while Jazz was in transport center isolation? So creepy to think that while Jazz was sleeping, eating, or otherwise unaware, Prowl was researching his frame type. I wonder if Prowl actually asked Jazz questions about it to use against him later. 

What’s worse is seeing Prowl’s, what must seem to Jazz a 180 flip in personality, as just who Prowl is mixed with who society has raised him to be, with society coming more to the front now. 

We also see Prowl stop referring to Jazz by name now. Instead it is “sub” and “this mech”. It is like Prowl views him completely differently now, not explaining anything just demanding to be obeyed. 

So is Prowl’s seemingly preference for physical punishment, excluding the isolation of course, the norm or is that just what Prowl was taught? I think that there was a sidestory/ spin off that used a more emotional angle but I don’t know how canon that is.And the...event....coming in the far future with Prowl’s partner is...not quite physical punishment, but Barricade seemed to prefer physical punishment with his subs too from what I remember.

And so we end on Jazz taking stock as Prowl prepares for work.

Till next time!

The Flaw in Every Crystal Chapter 4

'Welcome to Praxus' Part 4

aka The Great Escape, Plan A

aka My work schedule finally lightened up a bit

Gotta admire Jazz’s spirit and resourcefulness, even if it did result in him blowing himself up...multiple times..

You can really feel how desperate Jazz is here to just get out of the room and away from the house even if he doesn’t have a real plan and already knows what will happen if he tries to leave the city. 

This is really kinda a no win for him. Praxus doesn’t seem to have a homeless population he could blend in with, his frame type is different enough to get him spotted immediately, and he doesn’t have a lot with him. Even trying to get someone to help him could just leave him in a worse position of being someone’s “pet” and being blackmailed with arrest and becoming property of Praxus.

So Prowl took a while to find out that the source of the smell of hurt mech and recent explosion was THAT ROOM, which makes me worry a bit about the real possibility that Jazz could have been forgotten in there. Not for long mind you, and Jazz wouldn’t have realized, but still. Kinda darkly funny to imagine Prowl about to go to sleep, then suddenly his eyes light up with an “oh shit!” expression as he goes to check on Jazz.

Poor Jazz completely lost track of time it seems while injured, and couldn’t have gotten the door open by himself. Its good there was nothing else flammable in there or he would have gotten out of Praxus in the most permanent way possible. And from how Prowl describes what he finds, Jazz did almost make that trip.

“Prowl, what happened to that mech you worked so hard to get as a mate?” “Oh, he exploded....quite tragic...”

Probably the creepiest parts of this story is just how much Jazz’s terror and sadness are down played by everyone around him. Even here Prowl is treating this more as a costly annoyance, seemingly not even thinking that Jazz just admitted he was desperate enough to cause a small explosion to try to escape the room. The fact that the medic automatically goes to “trouble training huh?” like a firefighter called to deal with a kitchen damaged after a cooking accident/fire. I worry what something “too extreme” would be? An outright suicide attempt? Even that I could see as being spun as “oh, guess that mech just wasn’t a right fit/guess he had prior emotional problems/these things happen.” Not to mention trying to comfort someone when you’re the one causing them to be in pain. 

Prowl says the medic wears traditional colors, but is it the same colors or lighter/grayer shades of them since she is the sub in a prior relationship?

 Kinda wish there was a time glossary at the top of the chapter. Otherwise I associate joor = about an hour while orn = about a day to a transformer. So Jazz says he was locked up for an hour, medic says a few hours and Prowl says he was gone five days? I know that I’m probably reading that wrong but I don’t really have a reference. Jazz isn’t complaining about low fuel and we don’t read him refueling so I don’t think it could have been more than what they would consider a day to be...

We also see Jazz send out comms to both his friend, Blaster, and his boss. We later see Blaster trying to help out but never the boss. I wonder if the boss doesn’t know, didn’t get the comm, or got some kind of compensation to “fire” Jazz and no longer care about his employee? Maybe even a forged note from Jazz saying he quit and decided to stay in Praxus? That one I could very easily see happening.

We also see that although the medic is in a loving relationship, she can still get talked over, with Prowl stating that he would talk to Derby to come up with compensation for her mate being damaged by Jazz. I’m almost surprised that Prowl listens to her being so flippant about saying how no compensation is necessary even if she does say that her mate allows her to make some of these decisions. It does really show even in a good relationship overall the system only works because the dominate mate “allows” the sub some say in her life. It does lead to the worry of what would happen one day if the mate decided that being a medic was too dangerous and decided that she should quit. There would be really no recourse for the medic, would there?

It’s like Triage understands perfectly what danger Jazz is in and her only advice is to stop fighting and just give in. It’s especially ironic since that would probably be the fastest way to have Prowl lose all interest in him, since a Jazz who doesn’t fight back is pretty much dead inside.

 Ah yes, Jazz wanting to see Praxus “as a citizen” and the through review that included never talking to Jazz about it. “You probably misunderstood something” but too bad because its already done and you have no rights now!

You know, this type of bonding seems like a fast and easy way to get some nice, skilled personal slave labor. 

I love that Prowl sees alerting the medic to a stuck door as overly cautious but still was willing to leave Jazz alone in a room. Though I guess for him he was thinking he would only be gone for a few minutes and what could Jazz possibly do in that amount of time? Though now that Prowl can drop Jazz in an instant it really wasn’t much of a problem.

And now Prowl has a new, harder to break out of room. Yaaayyy... we also see how adaptable Jazz can be, now going along with it since he doesn’t want to die and starving out of spite won’t get him to his goal. We see Prowl almost treating Jazz like a child, feeding him, petting him, and then saying “Are you going to be good now and behave?” In pretty much the same wording my parents would say to me after a time out.

And it seems like at one point Jazz did read the bonding datapad. We see Jazz trying to discuss things with Prowl and Prowl not rejecting, but still acting like he’s indulging Jazz in this. Odd Jazz mentions seeing his mentor, yet he didn’t try to comm him. Could it be the mentor is worse off than Jazz and couldn’t help?

It’s really sad to see Prowl react to what he wants from Jazz. It seems like he wants only Jazz’s good traits. Its almost like he wants two different mechs. The perfect sub in public and the Jazz he finds interesting in private. I could almost see that working and Jazz going along with it if it was an outside force keeping Jazz there rather than Prowl. 

Prowl mentions training almost like its an arms race with wound returned for wound until you just wear the other down. Prowl really thinks too highly of himself. Jazz point blank tells him, no, this isn’t going to work, continue and you will lose me. And Prowl just waves it off saying Jazz could still have goals that he may even get to keep if a third carries. Though I cannot imagine Jazz with another in the house. He would either hate/try to hurt the third if they didn’t go along with trying to escape. 

And then Jazz lashes out at Prowl again after Prowl says how much better Jazz will have it here. Only to be locked away again. I wonder if one of the other things Prowl secretly likes about Jazz is how Jazz can get so much of a rise out of Prowl, even having Prowl leave while flipping Jazz the middle figure in door speak. And Jazz is left in the dark trying to soothe himself.

Thus ends another chapter. Till nex time!

The Flaw in Every Crystal Chapter 5

Welcome to Praxus Arc Part 5

Aka: The hand that feeds you

Aka: Risks and Rewards

Here we see just how cold and detached Prowl can be as he takes in Jazz’s condition after six orns being left in THAT ROOM. Spoiler: it ain’t great. Jazz has pretty much no energy to fight here, instead just wondering when Prowl will finally get bored enough to end it. Or at least the bit of his mind still online in a 3/4′s starved condition. 

We also see the return of Triage to the scene to help get Jazz all the way back up from 5/8′s slagged to probably 1/2 to 1/3 slagged! Yay, so helpful! I wonder what they dilute the energon with that would make it safe to consume but not add anything they can use. Also if this is the kind of fic were the transformers bodies can self-cannibalize so Jazz is loosing mass to this or if its just you offline if you don’t eat.  

And oh god, Triage tries to make small talk “So....how you doing?” “I see you decorated your room in processed energon, I prefer green paint myself, but its good to take an active part in your training, accepting the room, trying to make it your own.” “How did you like the city? See any sights?” “I never thought about travel myself, so barbaric out there...” “You just gotta let yourself be happy here, and then you will be! We can even go on double dates with if they allow it! Wouldn’t that be fun!” 

So, Prowl did almost starve Jazz. “What happened to your mate that exploded a while back?” “He didn’t explode, he caused an explosion in a small space. Then he accidentally starved to death” “Ah, rookie mistake. Don’t worry, you’ll do better next time, I’m sure. Plenty of crystals in the garden and all that.”

I assume that the serious wounds Prowl needs to regularly check are from said earlier exploding incident. Is the checking that energon isn’t leaking through or that the metal isn’t coming back in all warped?

Poor Jazz mentioned caring about something, aka his visor, and now Prowl knows what he can give/take from Jazz to keep him in line. But Jazz still has his snark to him to he’s slowly coming back. Gotta love Prowl’s “if you hand’t of curled into the fetal position in a half-starved state, your neck wouldn’t hurt now. Honestly, its simple cause and effect.” 

Now we see Jazz starting to try to feel out different situations, testing how much Prowl will let him get away with. And then Jazz gets a reward for towing Prowl’s line, a blanket. One which unknown to Jazz at the moment, will one day hold him hostage. A two sided blanket if you will. Its nice to reread stories and see the first time a reoccurring object appears.

Prowl seems almost desperate now to reward Jazz for not fighting him on energon and for saying thank you for the blanket, already giving Jazz back his arm movement. Even Jazz seems confused by the sudden shower (two) good things he has back now. Maybe Jazz’s multiple brushes with death have affected Prowl more than I thought at first. Or Prowl is getting impatient and wants to get on with more of the training already.

Now checking on Jazz becomes a habit for Prowl, like me watering my flowers or feeding my fish every morning. We even see Prowl rewarding Jazz by coming in and talking to Jazz on his level rather than talk to Jazz from above him in a standing position. Jazz, having caught on to some of the game, is working on self-restraint at having Prowl so close but not being able to do anything against him. 

It just occurred to me to wonder if Prowl is coming up with rewards as he views how Jazz is or if this is a mental valuing of the different rewards Prowl can give Jazz. Is it that he saw that Jazz was uncomfortable in recharge, so the reward was a blanket, or does Prowl assign the blanket the lowest value and was therefore the first reward given like a 5-ticket prize in an arcade? Especially since he brings up the pain-blockers now once Jazz has complained about the pain, or was he holding back offering the pain blockers until Jazz had dealt with the pain at least an orn? 

Jazz also knows that anything given to him can be ripped away, so he doesn’t want to value anything since it will hurt less that way to lose it, but feels such relief with them its hard not to care. 

Maybe Prowl is pretty much showering Jazz with rewards to try to super renforce the training? Like “I can bake these cookies for 10 minutes at 420C, or for 10 seconds at 5000C!” Its “I can give Jazz one reward a day for good behavior, or give him 10 different good things for nonbad behavior!” Like some part of him does hate the punishments and so is really trying to show Jazz that they can play nice. This is confirmed even by Prowl saying to himself that he had probably been too lenient when Jazz tries to snark about being able to feed himself. 

It does sent the precedent here for later on that Prowl in the earlier days seems almost eager to over-reward Jazz.

Till next time!

The Flaw in Every Crystal

Chapter 8

Intermission Number 1

Aka Triage’s situation

So, Triage became limited in who she could treat on a regular basis to people of her own class. Even triple-checking. I wonder if this is because the medic or the patient might lie, or both. Does this mean that a medic could have to drop a patient once they bond, but then pick that patient back up if the patient bonds as a sub?

Interesting that Prowl would have to hold a high rank to allow Triage to have an occupation, but said that Jazz could do approved work. So, is medic considered higher valued that Prowl would need to rank up to do that but most stuff Jazz could do Prowl would be high enough rank for?

Is it possible to be too low of a rank to bond someone? Derby is mentioned as having to climb up a few ranks. Has there been a Romeo/Juliet type thing ever?

Why didn’t Prowl try to trine with Derby and Triage to rank up. Was he worried Derby wouldn’t go along with the plan to get out of Praxus? Or was it the lack of feelings between them all?

The Flaw in Every Crystal

Chapter 9

Retraining Arc Part 1

aka: Its downhill from here

aka: Was it worth it?

So, the result of Jazz first exploding, then trying to claw Prowl to death was....not goo to say the least... Prowl was able to get his apartment all fixed up, and first order of business on his free day is to go back to training, well, not exactly back to but going at it from a different direction. Since Jazz destroyed the last room, Prowl got to make it up all shiny and new with new features, such as straps to keep Jazz in an upright position putting him right between a rock and a hard place.

Jazz seems oddly calm on first waking up. Not being surprised at being restrained, his first thoughts are to look around and take in his situation and if/how he can escape again. Here we see the traits that will probably help keep Jazz alive longest when he becomes Spec Ops. Nice to know that he’s able to keep a cool head and hope for an escape still even after knowing the first attempt failed to get him anything really.

Prowl comes in with a kind of calm attitude towards Jazz, telling him how much work Triage was left to do because of him. This sets Jazz off even more since Prowl at this point seems probably like a raised cobra to him. Doing nothing at the moment, but ready to bit at any time.

We also learn now what the additional components were that Prowl commissioned Triage to do. Someone ring a bell cause Jazz finally got his wings! Prowl brings up that they are high quality wings as well with the sensitivity turned up so that when he helps/hurts Jazz with them, Jazz fully feels it. This new act of Prowl’s has Jazz on serious edge since it’s the waiting for pain that can drive you nuts. Prowl keeps a calm tone while Jazz falls back on insults and snark to try to get back at Prowl any way he can. I’m surprised that Jazz is so quickly fooled into thinking Prowl won’t hurt him at this point when its like, come on, you blew up his house and then attacked him. He is not going to let that go Jazz. I know that my mind would just be bringing up every possible painful scenario of what might happen. 

"Praxus can fall into a smelter for all I care." He was starting to fall for his own act of bravery, hoping that maybe things might not turn out as bad as he imagined.

"Don't be unreasonable, my mate." Prowl removed himself entirely from the other's frame and even stepped back. "Such a thing could never feasibly happen."

Jazz snapped his denta at the other as he retreated. "No, that'd be too good for this city. It deserves a much worse fate."

FORESHADOWING!!

I do wonder how Jazz will react to the fall. He, I’m sure, will have no love for the native Praxians, but will he even think of the people who like him may have been trapped there? Or would he not because he would be too annoyed at their and his own weakness in allowing the kidnapping and training to happen to them?

It actually seems if anything having the escape attempt fail gave Jazz more spirit and anger, not less. Even talking back at Prowl’s attempts to gaslight him with time. We see now Prowl trying to force anger, hoping to scare Jazz into acting better. Hint: It doesn’t work here. 

Nice to know though that Jazz is willing to revisit the play-along plan in the future. It’s always annoying when fictional characters throw out a perfectly good plan just because it didn’t work properly the first time. Though Prowl will be much more on guard for that kind of thing in the future now. 

Prowl seems to be going full on mind games and gaslighting now, acting nicely to Jazz and seemingly interested in having Jazz change his mind. This of course only angers Jazz more, causing him to lash out. 

Part of me wants to make Taming of the Shrew comparisons so badly but its not really similar enough to what I remember to do so. At this point though I can see Prowl lifting the plan of food denial while saying like “Sorry my mate, seems I brought you the wrong energon” once Jazz gets hunger and then taking it away or something like that. High school English was a long time ago. 

Jazz actually calms down and realizes that anger isn’t helping fairly fast. Probably because Prowl keeps leaving the room. If Prowl stayed there, it would probably just keep working Jazz up.

Man, hand-feeding the person you’ve captured and want to make love you comes up A LOT in transformers fanfiction. By which I mean I’ve seen this twice, one story was “The Perfect Song” which was more Jazz/Prowl consentual BDSM and far less creepy, and in “These Games We Play” which is Jazz/Soundwave and almost as creepy as this story but more thriller than horror.

ANYWAY, we get Prowl finally maiming Jazz in retaliation for Jazz’s attack earlier. And there’s a misplaced end quote here, fyi: 

With that nothing of a warning, Prowl pulled a blade from his subspace and sliced down one of Jazz's sensor panels. He only applied enough pressure to cut in, not through. He only wanted to injure for now, he would come back to do actual damage."

So yeah, Prowl apparently knows how to slice up wings correctly fairly well, which raises a whole host of creepy questions. We also see the start of a true cycle of abuse here:

Prowl hurts Jazz --> Jazz behaves due to fear --> Prowl pushes Jazz and angers him --> Jazz talks back --> see step one again.

Really creepy to see Jazz sizing up whatever Prowl is threatening to see if it is worth the rebellion.

And that’s it for now. Till next time!

The Flaw in Every Crystal

Chapter 10: Retraining Arc Part 2

Aka Goddammit Triage

Yeah, okay, sorry truth time, I think I hate Triage the most out of every character in this story. Especially now as opposed to when I started this review, or read this story the first time through. At first I didn’t think anything of her. She was an OC, and I as a...well...fleeting fan did not care for any “new” or unknown to me characters in a story. She just seemed so minor, like one of the powerless good guys in the story just showing up to fix Jazz. Then I read TAAO, which still didn’t change as much...then I read the meta for TAAO (especially Starscream), and started watching Bojack Horseman. And dear god did I start hating the character I once viewed with total apathy. I guess its because that show and those metas kinda put into words to me how little thoughts and your headspace, and your reasons can really matter when talking about morality of characters like Triage.

That is to say she is not a bad character in that all her actions and movitations are believable. This is in I personally do not like, hate, and even loathe her, more than the party characters, more than Prowl, heck, more than Barricade. Probably in part because she acts so bubbly and that the system is fine because it worked out for “her” and anyone with a differing opinion needs to just get with the program, in part her happy exterior, but mostly I think because the author may not want us to hate her.

We are supposed to hate the party mechs for how uncomfortable they make Jazz, we are supposed to hate Barricade for being a total asshat, we are okay to hate Prowl because he is the reason for Jazz being there. But Triage we get scenes humanizing her, we get to see her relationship, hear her thoughts, and see how torn up she is over how Jazz is suffering. But that’s just it, thoughts don’t really matter. You can think something is wrong all you want but unless you do something, it doesn’t mean shit! Like Diana in Bojack said “I don’t think I believe in deeper down...its actions that matter.” (paraphrasing) In this same trial of thought we get Starscream fans who want him to be better, but so many believe that wanting to do better, or thinking how you can’t do better, won’t make you better, it just makes you self-aware. Same with Blast-Off, wherein he knows what his time and love-interest did was wrong, but did nothing to stop it, which may even be worse because he at least KNEW.

Same with Triage, she can cry and feel bad for Jazz getting beat up all she wants, but none of it will really help Jazz. Heck, the more I think about it, the less I think its about Jazz himself but more how he makes Triage feel that’s the problem! She cares more for how Jazz is making her question things than her own patients well-being and making her feel sad, that is Messed-Up yet she is one of only two characters we get to hear the thoughts of for a lot of the starting chapters!!!

*ahem*

Anyway, on to the chapter!

So, Triage shows up to check on Jazz after Prowl decided to take his pound of flesh from the bot. Triage is upset that her patient is being all unruly and kinda depressing. So she tries to form a bond with Jazz to speed up the healing process by talking about how she is also a sub and probably only one to two tiers above Jazz. She does this so that Jazz will let her in to fully examine him. While she knows Prowl won’t try to kill Jazz, she, and we, know he can all to easily accidentally do so as he had almost starved Jazz to death before.  

Jazz sees this as a betrayal to think she was lying about being badly off. Triage on the other had is just annoyed that Jazz is being such a drama king about the whole kidnapping and brainwashing thing. And how he will be so much happier once he loves Big Brother as well in this Brave New World. 

I “love” how she calls it arguing when she is simply dismissing the other side out of hand as either wrong or just over emotional. She doesn’t even comment to Jazz until he brings up her mate, in which case she only reacts by getting defensive. Jazz brings up that even if treated right, she still isn’t her own person. Triage says how she isn’t owned, but from the sound of Praxus, I think its safe to say that she’s in denial on that one. “She protects me” like I protect my plants or my cat. I care about them, and they are their own beings, but no one could say I didn’t own them as well. The two are not mutually exclusive, if anything it is unusual to not care about things you own. Her defensiveness of her lifestyle to Jazz almost reeks of “the corner doth protest too much” like she is using the same argument she as told herself once upon a time. 

Also, quick note that the Praxus if you agreed once, you have given consent to this forever is reallllllly creepy and reminds me of the whole arguments against marital rape. You said yes, no take-backs for any reason. God, some Praxian relationships must get suuuper toxic if one half changes and they start to hate each other.

"I ain't lettin' anyone else control me, ever again."  - This is an interesting line, since up till now Prowl hasn’t really been able to control Jazz. In Prowl’s mind that is the entire problem. Yet Jazz sees it that way. Is he referring to Prowl’s control of his body or Prowl’s control in forcing Jazz to fake being a sub? Or is this referring to another event from Jazz’s past that he may not be even fully recalling in the moment? 

“As his mate, it is his duty to protect you from as much danger as possible.” I wonder whose opinion of “possible” matters? Like would you be able to ever prove a dom wasn’t doing his duty towards his mate to get the dom in trouble? Is that a law or just expected? And I guess if it was a proven law the sub would just become state property, right?

   "I've seen to more difficult patients before and survived well, this time will be no different." - just how many “Jazz”‘s has she seen? How many would ever make her truly question her culture instead of just falling back to being defensive? 

And so, for how he acted Jazz gets his voice taken. There’s a said irony that the last word he was able to say was a simple “No.” The final line of the chapter was “It was enough to get Jazz wondering if rebellion was actually worth it.” Just sums up everything so nicely there. 

Till next time!

The Flaw in Every Crystal

Chapter 11: Retraining Arc Part 3

Aka: Lessons in Communication

Aka: His Silent Sass

So Prowl allows Jazz to sleep the night, then the next day starts coming in every joor to ask Jazz questions knowing full well that Jazz cannot answer them. Now we get into Prowl trying to get Jazz to learn how to use wing speak by giving him no other option. Kinda like full immersion but with Torture, or learning to use your non dominant hand via breaking the other. Prowl has not ever gone from the Praxian energon, only. I wonder if its the training, availability, or just Prowl wouldn’t know what else? Probably a combination of all three. Interesting that Jazz’s logical part is saying to reject the energon while the primal one is wanting to take it. Jazz says it wouldn’t be worth it, but it would give him more energy. 

Maybe he has taken what Triage told him to heart and now can logically be sure that Prowl won’t starve him. He can probably feel the line is back in. So logically he knows that he doesn’t “need” the offered energon to live, but because he’s on survival rations his body only cares about being full. 

Those wings must hurt if only because Jazz probably doesn’t know how to properly leave them settled on his back since he never had them before. They also have no external support since there is only the wall behind him. Odd that Prowl saves that as the third lesson after “yes” and “no”.

Once again Prowl at least appreciates the attempt, even more so than success, and Jazz gets his reward. He also is able to easily drink the energon without spitting it back up due to taste. I wonder if it is another diluted and that comment wasn’t mentioned or if its a case of “when you’re starving, everything tastes good.” Probably full energon since Prowl then wants Jazz to start wing movement training. And this is the moment where if I was in this situation, I would be so, so dead. I have a REALLY bad lifetime case of “no your other left”. I would totally mirror instead of copy. Which brings up is Prowl expecting Jazz will naturally mirror and will reverse right and left movements for him, or will Prowl expect Jazz to naturally copy the left and right movements?

And of course Jazz has to be contradictory and only respond with no. Though it is doing the opposite of helping Jazz in the moment I can understand him naturally wanting to needle Prowl whenever possible. Prowl seems to catch on after a bit of being unable to read Jazz’s glare, or just choosing not to. 

Now we see more of Prowl’s annoyance with Jazz coming to the fore. After reducing Jazz to only yes and no responses Prowl now brings out his full sarcasm/dick mode. Praxus really must think therapy is the devil’s work and people just need to buck up and stop being weird. At first it could have been explained away as that Jazz was a noncitizen so his mental state didn’t matter, but Prowl’s actions and venting here really so that after the getting a new mate, explosions, and harm no one thought Prowl may need to talk to someone about it.  

"This is the default position you should carry your wings in. ... Then this one is how you ask any questions, or indicate an otherwise unclear verbal comment is meant as a question."

So every Praxian walks around making the wing equivalent of this face: :-? or this symbol: ~?

I also love that Jazz wants to learn as much as possible to insult Prowl with. Prowl probably won’t want to teach Jazz any ‘uncouth’ motions but I could see Jazz trying different ones out to try to get a reaction out of Prowl. Its impressive that Jazz is able to seemingly pick up on the movements so quickly know, but I guess as a cultural reporter he had to learn to quickly read body movement and how to pick up details. Not to mention altering his own body language to better fit in with the native population.

I’m almost surprised that Jazz doesn’t try to say no to the vocalizer at first to try to earn some brownie points, but I guess it is still too soon to try starting round 2 of that game again. If Prowl wondered why Jazz could even play the “why bother asking for my voice back when nobody is gonna listen to it?” Prowl even thinks about how it is a test, one that he expects Jazz to fail by using his recently regained voice to lash out at him again.....Which he does.... Funny that Prowl lets Jazz speak to see where he is going with the threat. Gotta love how Prowl is like “You are so hard to teach, but pick things up so well” as if the subjects are one and the same to him. 

We see from the last few lines an almost Stockholm Syndrome setting in as Jazz thinks about how much he would like certain parts of Prowl’s personality if it wasn’t being used against him. Which it makes sense there are parts of Prowl that Jazz likes since he willingly hung out with Prowl at first and seemed to enjoy speaking with him. Maybe Jazz is surprised to realize how little of it was actually just an act to kidnap him?

Anyway, that’s the end of this chapter.

Till next time!

The Flaw in Every Crystal

Chapter 12: ‘Retraining Arc’ Part 4

Aka: Getting to know you

Aka: None of this had to happen

Chapter first released on Zombie Jesus day, I’m reviewing about a month before his birthday, but I just couldn’t wait so let’s get into it.

So, after a few days of learning and review, Prowl decides that its time for exams in his EXTREME Wing Language Accelerated Course WL101.  

We see when Jazz first responds to Prowl early on that he isn’t ready to start earning trust points back quite yet. Rather he is still showing Prowl all the anger he still has in the situation. Then Prowl uses the threat of harm to Jazz to get Jazz to stop acting out. As this is still early on in the abuse cycle wherein the pain to Jazz’s wings hasn’t faded from his memory yet, Jazz complies. And this then of course justifies Prowl’s actions to himself since then he is able to get what he wants out of Jazz, erasing any guilt Prowl may have had in the moment of hurting Jazz via believing that getting Jazz to behave will prevent any future harm. We can see this in Prowl, instead of letting Jazz’s submission at the threat of violence be enough, threatening Jazz again with more communication isolation/harm to his new wings. 

Aka, as long as I can imagine a harsh even end, any means can be justified to prevent it.

As Prowl leaves for a full day, we finally get to see some of the isolation getting to Jazz more since he expresses relief at Prowl returning. It’s probably a pretty bad/realistic nightmare to Jazz that if Prowl died, Jazz would just be left in THAT ROOM to rot/deactivate all alone and super slowly since he would have until the drip ran out entirely. Granted this would probably not happen as Prowl’s assets, mate included, would either go to his family or the state if his family decided they didn’t want their son’s quarter/fifth trained mate.

And now more miscommunication, as Prowl won’t directly tell Jazz what he is feeling/thinking/expecting in terms of Jazz, Jazz sees all of Prowl’s actions as either random or a set up to pain. So when Prowl gives a generic “Sorry I’m late” Jazz right away is on edge trying to figure out a true meaning/code to the words that may not even be there. 

Interesting to note that in spite of everything Prowl refers to the house as “our home” to Jazz. This indicates that Prowl is still reminding Jazz that there is a reason for him to be going through all of this, as Prowl wants the end goal of them being mates/together, for a time at least. Prowl also mentions the house, but not the attack. Prowl actually doesn’t bring it up until he needs a reason to prevent Jazz from being released from suspension. (Though considering I read MTMTE, Jazz should be happy he was just strung up instead of “Getaway-ed”) 

Prowl also uses this conversation to remind Jazz pretty much of the old saying “Once bitten, twice shy” and that he will be watching Jazz for any deceit from now on. I can’t help but think that there are a lot of versions of Prowl that would actually love this little give and take, trying to see how Jazz will escape and what tactics he will use with anticipation and excitement as opposed to this versions irritation. It’s kinda sad really that there doesn’t even seem to be a hint of respect or admirable. In other story, this could be grade A filtration material right here!

"I am not looking for a pet of any sort," Prowl replied with a bite of anger.

Yes Jazz, its pretty obvious Prowl wants a doll more than a pet. Pets can attack and make messes after all. Dolls just stand there and look pretty while spouting off the same three lines over and over again. 

"Maybe if I wasn't forced into it, ever think a' that?" ..."Because that would have worked so well…" Prowl's wings now flared too. "You showed such opposition to the idea of remaining that it's impossible to believe you would have cared to be grateful."

Now this is an odd sentence. Prowl is making it seem here as though he made Jazz his mate to prevent Jazz from leaving right away. But the fact of the matter is that Jazz kept quiet at first about leaving, even wanting to take in all of the sights while Prowl was applying to make Jazz his mate. It was finalized the day that Jazz tried to make a brake for it true, but the ball had already been rolling long before that. And Jazz knows this as Prowl gave him the bonding certificate when he was about to bolt. Is Prowl blending the two in his mind or is he trying to gaslight Jazz about it in this moment? Maybe Prowl is trying to justify and get up some more righteous anger at Jazz trying to leave?

“ Maybe if we woulda' got along well I coulda' came back or you coulda' moved to Iacon...”

And this line means that Jazz must know that Prowl was planning things out for awhile to keep Jazz in Praxus. After all, Jazz is recalling how they did actually get along at first and it was mutual attraction with Jazz’s intelligence/creativity sparking something in Prowl to make him chose Jazz. Not love, not lust after learning Prowl’s true goal for kidnapping, but it was something at least that Prowl saw in Jazz that told him he could stomach spending a lot of time with Jazz. Which I just realized makes what Jazz said about Prowl moving to Iacon to be with Jazz has SO MUCH DRAMATIC IRONY. I think that’s the correct usage of that phrase at least.

So much trouble and hassle would/could of been prevented if instead of shutting the conversation down at this point, Prowl had just said, even in anger, that he would not have been allowed to move to Iacon. Not even give the reason, but just that tidbit for Jazz to chew on. BUT NOOOOOO. Though even at this point, I don’t know how well Jazz would have responded. Would Jazz have tried to pounce on cooperating right away or would he have still been too angry at what Prowl has already done to him?

What Jazz said must have struck at least some kind of cord with Prowl since Prowl does return later in the orn to give Jazz a second shot at “earning” his energon. And then Prowl uses one foot to step into the room since the other goes straight into his mouth. Trying to say that Jazz being disobedient is not earning himself energon on purpose and therefore Jazz is staving himself and must be watch over to ensure that he will not starve himself via....pissing off Prowl...who doesn’t give Jazz enough energon... therefore making Jazz starve...himself? I think Prowl’s chain of logic is missing a few links, but hay, what else is new?

Jazz is going along with it, though in the moment we don’t know whether its hunger or finally putting a new plan into motion that has more steps than “frick off Prowl”.For asking in such a way Prowl allows Jazz to hold the cube himself via releasing only Jazz’s arms from restraints. I don’t know if its because he is still being punished for early, to make sure Jazz can’t attack him, or if Jazz’s arm use was all Prowl decided Jazz was owned for how he asked. 

And then Jazz moves forward with his current master plan, “Frick off Prowl” and throws it in Prowl’s face. Great plan Jazz, this is why you grow into a master spy someday. *slow clap* Honestly surprised that a return to the start in Jazz being fully done up and mute was the punishment and not something harsher. Though Jazz did restrain himself by throwing it in Prowl’s face rather than spitting it. Probably because once it was in his mouth his hunger would force Jazz to sallow. 

Plan “Frick off Prowl” moves forward a notch as Prowl demands an apology from the now seriously starving Jazz. Jazz at this point is so angry, distinguished, and powerless that he just kinda accepts death out of sheer defiance. Then Prowl returns insult for insult by dumping the energon below Jazz. Prowl only leaves when he can get the last word lately I’ve noticed, and if Prowl doesn’t get the last word in, he mutes Jazz. 

Prowl takes some time to form up a new strategy since his current one is going pretty bad. Jazz on the other hand seems to given up on any plan beyond “Frick off Prowl” to the point of trying to make them both loose rather than risk Prowl come anywhere close to winning. Prowl’s new plan seems to be a war of attrition, just wearing Jazz down to the point where he will actually accept energon from Prowl now. 

Quick note on this sentence:  “ Alone Jazz would have gotten about as much on him as in him, all of his functions having slowed down quite a bit. so the other's assistance helped quite a bit. “ Kinda odd to hear the phrase used twice so close together, though I know I’m probably not one to talk about such things.

Anyway, now that Jazz is weak enough to be handled, Prowl goes for pleasant physical contact to try to remind Jazz of how things could be. Jazz, being so touch-starved, goes for it at first. We then go for another ride on the “Jazz emotional roller-coaster,sponsored by Prowl” as Prowl goes from petting Jazz’s head to harming his wing at Jazz’s delayed response to being petted by Prowl. 

"You have no right to act angry when it is your own fault for your present situation.” I feel that this is a phrase that SO needs to be tossed back into Prowl’s face at some point. Especially any time he riles Jazz up on purpose and then berates Jazz for his actions while angry, or just any time Prowl gets angry at Jazz. Kinda disappoints me that i don’t think it ever is... 

Jazz, I know I said before about using your life as a valuable game piece, but I was thinking more in terms of poker, or chess, not a freaking game of chicken or a staring contest!

And with Prowl’s declaration that Jazz will not die, Jazz’s goals suddenly become a lot clearer. 

Till next time!

The Flaw in Every Crystal

Chapter 13: ‘Retraining Arc Part 5′

Aka might as well converse with a brink wall

Aka All on board the logic merry-go-round

We start with Prowl visiting Jazz again as Jazz comments to himself that Prowl is getting predictable. I can see how this probably is the case as Prowl seems to be making it up as he goes based on a simple outline. Prowl also isn’t the type to change something unless he feels he is forced to.

We also get another sample of how internal Praxus is since even a questioning tilt of the head instead of the winds is known as an “outsider” style of questioning. Prowl, feeling forced to do something to move forward with the training, says how now Jazz will be punished if he fails to respond to any questions of Prowl’s. Prowl is surprised that Jazz goes along with it.

Unfortunately, this probably reinforces in Prowl’s mind that violence does work on Jazz. Since Jazz is now agreeing to respond politely to Prowl after the threat of violence. This can be contrasted when before the promise of reward, energon, was literally spat in Prowl’s face. Kinda sets a bad precedent. 

Prowl, now seemingly now at this point just expecting Jazz to be contradictory to the point of self-harm wonders how long Jazz will go before “abusing” his “gift” of speech again. Jazz brings up how Prowl, lately especially, seems to bait Jazz into mouthing off so Prowl can punish him. Could it be Prowl’s own subconscious anger at Jazz for hurting him, insulting his culture, and taking so long to heel to Prowl’s commands that Prowl is manipulating Jazz into anger like this? Or it could be that Prowl is trying to get Jazz used to insults now so that when he brings Jazz out in public, Jazz won’t rile up the first time some stranger insults him?

Jazz tries to bring up again that the reason Prowl is locking him up is because Prowl is desperate for a mate. Not true, but Prowl has never given him another reason in so many words, Jazz has no other choice but to believe it. Prowl tries to disregard this reasoning, saying how there have been offers but Jazz was the first to grab his attention. I wonder if the other offers were all from subs or people asking Prowl to be the sub? Or both? Could someone ask another to take them as a sub, or is that seen as really improper?

Jazz brings up the problem of rapid immersion being that now that Prowl has introduced this new culture/side of himself, Jazz may not/does not like what he sees. Especially if he feels that Prowl was not being honest at all before now so any trust and prior relationship is flushed down the toilet. Prowl brings up how Jazz decided to bolt before Prowl could explain things, though I would bring up once again that the relationship was already set in stone by that time. So even if Jazz had stuck around, things still would have gone very down hill very quickly. 

"I warned you that trying to leave as you were at the time wasn't going to work out. It's not my fault that you overreacted. You could have waited and listened instead of trying to run away."

And Prowl does not so much as dance around the topic of using the bonding to Jazz to escape Praxus as he confusingly waltzes to a song only he can hear while Jazz looks on. So what is with Prowl not telling? What does he think will happen of Jazz finds out Prowl wants to leave Praxus too? That Jazz will turn him in???? He says how he doesn’t trust Jazz, can’t trust Jazz, and how Jazz can’t take care of himself....but honestly come on Prowl, why does your plan hinge on Jazz being in the dark about the end game???? Like sure, Jazz exploded....twice....but that proves Jazz wants to leave. 

Why try to get Jazz so used to Praxus? Unless he thinks if he tells Jazz now, Jazz will try to rush things? That’s the only reason I can really think of from Prowl’s point of view. And seems reasonable if he thinks Jazz will fly off the handle and explode again whenever there is a set back or delay in the plan needed. One can only afford to fix the house so many times. Or worse we get a Lady Macbeth reenactment.

And then we get the back and forth arguments again where Prowl and Jazz just keep stating what they believe but neither cares to accept any point the other makes so they may as well just be talking to a wall. Except the wall may be better since the wall can’t get pissed off at you. 

“ I would never demean you in such a way."  I wonder what that would mean in Praxus to demean a sub. Like literal pet play in public? More probably if the sub looks really beat up and wrecked it reflects badly on the dom. But still...

It is fun to hear the back and forth between Prowl and Jazz. It does actually remind me of some of Shakespeare's back and forth between Katherine and  Petruchio. If/When I ever get this review series done I may reread the play just to do a break down of all the differences and similarities between them.

"It's no wonder your job is to be shipped away to other cities constantly; no one there wants to be forced to interact with you for any extended period."

And yeah, that is a really low blow Prowl. When Jazz reacts to it, Prowl finally just snaps and starts beating on Jazz. Unfortunately I feel like Prowl was attracted to Jazz for being able to talk to Prowl and bring emotions out of Prowl.

And this is where we end the chapter.

Till next time!

Flaw in Every Crystal

“Chapter 14: 'Retraining Arc' Part 6

Aka: Prowl did a bad and now feels bad

Aka: The tension building stage?

We start after the anger of last cycle to Prowl bringing Jazz a lot of diluted energon.  Prowl asks if Jazz will accept the energon instead of asking Jazz to do something to earn it first. Though I think it should also be noted that Jazz responds first with an affirmative wing flick in answer to the question.

We see Prowl now being more concerned about Jazz, asking after his energy levels. Due to Prowl’s lingering guilt and Jazz’s exhaustion/soreness both are having a seemingly quiet moment together. Prowl  removes Jazz’s hand restraints so Jazz can feed himself. 

It is actions like this that though I like for Prowl and Jazz getting on more, will muddy the waters in the future of what the training means. Prowl is offering Jazz gifts out of guilt for getting out of hand and losing control earlier rather than as rewards to Jazz. This means that Jazz is less able to trust the intention of the gifts from Prowl. There will always be the question then if it is a guilt gift or a reward. By giving the same gifts for the beating as for behavior, Prowl is allowing the two to become associated in Jazz’s mind. So being a punching bag gives the same return as doing as Prowl wants, therefore when given a gift Jazz will have to wonder then if its foreshadowing a beating down the line. This is probably why also Jazz starts feeling like his actions don’t really matter since Prowl will reward/punish him for both Jazz’s actions and Prowl’s own depending on the unclear situation that only Prowl can judge. Prowl is also giving Jazz more rewards for taking abuse than Jazz was ever given the option of earning since before the second blow-up.

I wonder, is the cycle of abuse known on Cyberton enough that Jazz can recognize that they are currently in a “honeymoon” period? Or is Jazz just tired enough after last orn to just go with things for now? He thinks later that Jazz is pretending but then also wants to tone down his biting remarks to have the kindness continue. Which I guess could just be the next step of the abuse cycle playing out wherein the “tension building” step comes into play after the honeymoon. Though I don’t know how much I can trust the abuse cycle when Jazz is already expecting the anger to come back eventually when I think part of the cycle relies upon the victim feeling like things can really change and therefore staying. 

We do get a bit of an answer on the starvation though as Prowl and Jazz both agree that Jazz’s tanks may have struck and therefore he will have to be careful and consume less energon lest it just come back up later. I can also see starvation being a “good” part of training since if you lower the person’s ability to store and consume food, it will be that much harder for them to run since they will have to take more and have less natural reserves to call upon.

Prowl then promises Jazz at least two cubes the next orn to rely on, but says Jazz must earn it from beyond that. Prowl says how “This changes nothing unless you change because of it.” I have been wondering for a bit over this sentence. I know it means in a way that Prowl’s kindness will only continue if Jazz behaves so it is no use to show it otherwise. But at the same time it makes the beating almost feel planned when it obviously wasn’t.

Jazz seems to take this kindness as an act on Prowl actually. Which is a rather simple, though understandable way to view it. It helps accent here how young Jazz probably is that he can see things black and white like this. Wherein because Prowl is a “bad” person, any “good” actions Prowl performs must therefore be an act since “bad” people only do “bad” things. It also doesn’t help that Jazz must have major trust issues after the whole “courting” thing.

Prowl also detaches the energon line now that Jazz has been feed. It will also add probably in Prowl’s mind, more weight to Jazz having to earn his energon from then on.

We also see that Prowl now has a fear almost of giving Jazz gifts that allow Jazz more mobility since Jazz attacked Prowl and has stated he is willing to do so in the future. Yet even more than flavored energon and a blanket, the loosening of restraints is still a go-to. Granted right after I typed that I realized how stupid it would be to have a blanket in the room while Jazz was not capable of movement. 

Prowl and Jazz still seem to be in a state of “calm before the storm”, though when Jazz brings up a medical worry about his joints, Prowl just brushes it off as nonsense. Though in Jazz’s defense when he does finally try to move, it’s as though he has a fully body cramp.

Prowl then rewards Jazz highly for just the wing movements and not biting back that Jazz gets to clean up, though while still cuffed. Really Prowl you cannot be this schizo in the rewards system. You really need a point or leveling system or something. Like yeah, Jazz is not going to rebel with that offer on the table, but now that that precedent is in place, its going to look like complete “moving the goalposts” if you then later offer only energon for the same behavior expectations.

We then get the obligatory prison shower scene which I’m sure had Jazz tiling his head up as he looked towards the cleaning with eyes have open. Rather than the other classic getting on your knees and throwing out your hands as it rains prison scene.  

It’s odd how often Prowl seems to go from treating Jazz like an equal he is disappointed in to treating Jazz like a toddler who doesn’t know any better as he tells Jazz to be careful with the temperature. Is this just Prowl actually feeling like Jazz will not know any better or has he heard stories before of training where this was an issue to warn of and watch out for? And when Jazz chooses what he feels is a less confrontational address, Prowl doesn’t react but thinks to himself: 

“That commentary might have been worth punishing usually but the Enforcer let it go this time.”

So now it is setting Jazz up to fail in the future since Jazz didn’t hear Prowl’s thoughts. Prowl didn’t comment, so Jazz thought the action was “safe”. But when he uses it next time, Prowl will get angry and not let it go again and punish Jazz. But because Jazz cannot read minds it will seem random to him why a comment that was not punished before is being punished now. Prowl even leaves the room when Jazz asks in this way which will makes things so much more confusing down the line that of course Jazz will go the save route of distrusting everything.

I wonder, now that Jazz has adjusted to having the wings on his frame, will they be harder to remove if Jazz wishes to in the future? People tend to go back and forth on whether Jazz has any door wings, so I don’t know if the authors will go the route of having Jazz keep, change, or remove them in the future when he’s in control of his body again. 

Prowl seems to be using the excuse of it being an odd orn to justify his treatment/over rewarding of Jazz again. It’s kinda sad to see how much Prowl still wants that to be the way things are, even phrasing getting energon with Jazz “like we did before”. Prowl also puts getting out of the house on the table already even though its Jazz’s first time out of THAT ROOM since the retraining began. It’s even sadder to see the effect the training is having on Jazz where now he is looking for excuses and behaving to stay out of THAT ROOM which was Prowl’s goal. 

Having so many rewards given and offered at once to Jazz of course confuses him even more by this point and I can easily see to Jazz how it seems random if Prowl will be harsh with the punishments or over giving with the rewards. Prowl also takes his society very personally so when Jazz expresses disbelief that he could ever be a part of the society, Prowl takes it as self-doubt rather than Jazz hating the society. When Jazz tries to correct the statement though, it only angers Prowl to see something so a part of him be so totally rejected. Wash, rinse and repeat. Or as Jazz puts it:

“He watched their strange stalemate crumble with every word, knowing the only place to go from here was to an argument that would lead him to be locked up again. Wash, rinse, repeat. “

"You were more than interested in learning everything when you first arrived," Prowl countered.  This statement confused me at first because I though he was referring to when Jazz was faking it rather than the first first time Jazz was there as an outsider. So at first I was like “duh he seemed interested then Prowl, he was waiting to explode” then I read the rest of it.

Anyway, Prowl, sensing an argument coming as much as Jazz tries to just cut off the conversation then and there, of course not listening to what Jazz is actually saying, or at least not fully accepting it. Jazz then is just having none of it. I wonder if Jazz would actually take it better if Prowl acknowledged his feelings. Like “I know that you do not find this situation ideal, *Jazz snort* but your anger cannot change your situation for the better...” Actually that would probably still just lead to shouting the more I think of it. Maybe Prowl should try using an “I statement”? “Jazz, I feel frustrated when my home society’s kidnapping guidelines are insulted...”

In spite of Prowl wanting to leave Praxus to rise in the ranks based only on his own merit, he must still love Praxus, or at least have its values very deeply ingrained into himself, that Jazz will say  “Just take me back to Iacon, we can go our separate ways an' I'll never come back to Praxus." And Prowl will still insist on Jazz accepting Praxus instead of accepting this as a plan for both him and Jazz to work together on. He even says how its a slippery slope in his mind if the law is changed into complete chaos. 

Then we see this phase of the cycle end as Jazz is forced back into THAT ROOM after having another argument with Prowl. Jazz instead opts to attack Prowl again in a fit of desperation. Unfortunately, this signals to Prowl that Jazz will only respond to punishments since even offering the outside again still lead to an argument. So now Jazz will probably be even worse off than before. 

Till next time!

The Flaw in Every Crystal

Chapter 16: Intermission 2

aka: Help me Blaster, you’re my only hope!

It’s interesting that Derby is said to have had delegations in Kaon, but then has to return to get out of combat mode. Most of the time Kaon is described as the most violent of the city-states in the unwritten canon of transformers fanfiction but I would think that the problem would be corrupt officials, not actual expected combat. Also I wonder how much experience then Derby has viewing other cultures or because she is part of the military is she mostly kept away from such things?

"Because normally the patient is the one bringing in the request [for medical grade energon." Could a sub pick up energon for a sick dom then? Or would they need special permission?

I wonder if Jazz did die due to the training how Triage would react to it. Would she see Prowl differently?

Anyway, on to Blaster!

Jazz’s employer gets to know first hand how “disappearing” someone is great in theory, but way harder in real life. It’s a good thing Jazz didn’t have creators or a mate around that could provide paperwork proof of Jazz’s employment that would be a lot harder to explain away. 

It is very telling and interesting that after getting a distressed call from Jazz and then being unable to contact him further, for what must be many orns now, Blaster is asking around Jazz’s previous place of business rather than the enforcers. I wounder to how well the tracks of Jazz were covered. I mean he was a writer before/ cultural investigator. One would think to prove that Jazz was employed somewhere, Blaster would just have to provide an article written by him. Unless this was new employment and Jazz was more freelance before, or wrote under a pen name, or if his previous writings were simply deleted/withdrawn. Or I guess altered to have someone else’s name attached if you really want to muddy the waters.

 Blaster then hides himself away from “prying optics” before releasing his cassette. I wonder if Blaster should actually worry that someone is still tailing him after asking so much about Jazz or if Blaster is just being overly cautious. My instincts say that whoever wanted Jazz gone has pretty much washed his/her hands of it now but you never know.

Blaster gives Eject simple yet huge orders “ "Get me what ya can ta help me find 'im or why 'e don' exist in their system, but don't risk yerself any more lookin'.” And I can hear that Chekhov's gun cocking from all the way out here. Though even double the chapters from now I’m still waiting to see whose face it will go off in. 

Anyway, Cassettes, mind some details on what they are in this story? Like will they always be younglings? Can we expect them to grow up? How related to Blaster are they? How odd of a sight are they? Would people notice them or chose to ignore them? Do they need to visit Blaster regularly? Is Rewind already married here?

But anyway, back to the main plot of Life in Praxus!

Till next time!

The Flaw in Every Crystal

Chapter 17: 'Life in Praxus' Part 1

Aka: A bigger cage is still a cage

Aka: Trust is the two way street Prowl plowed a semi across

So Prowl gives Jazz back his outside THAT ROOM rights. That’s nice. Jazz initially cringed when Prowl entered so any time skip that may have happened can be assumed to have gone just as well as it had the chapter before the intermission. 

“How do you think your training is going?” That is such an asshole ask. Jazz, if he were in a better or worse state of mind: “One star, would not recommend.” But as it is Jazz is in complete survival mode and just gives in to Prowl to avoid more pain.  

“... a simple flick of his wings to indicate he was speaking honestly.” Does this mean that wing movements can indicate lying? Or would it be more sarcasm?

Interesting that Prowl says he wants to offer and treat while unhooking Jazz, as thought the freedom isn’t said to be a reward for Jazz’s behavior but rather just Prowl’s nasty habit of assuming Jazz knows what he believes to be the obvious. Prowl either really trusts that the current training of Jazz has been working or maybe this could be some more subconscious guilt leading him to almost entirely unhook Jazz for the first time since the second explosion. 

Jazz is wobbly at first though I’m not sure if its just because of his mental state or also due to possible harm from being unable to move for so long. Or a bit of both. Or it could be lack of energon as Prowl believes. Prowl may not think it could be physical harm since he expects Jazz to be able to follow him through the house just fine.

Jazz eats too much to soon and almost gets sick which it surprised me a bit that Jazz was allowed to feed himself again. I’m glad at least Prowl didn’t comment on it. We see how well Jazz responds to physical comfort as he leans into Prowl as Prowl rubs his back. Prowl then tucks Jazz into the bed to sleep for a bit, a move that actually would seem sweet if not for everything else leading up to it.

When Jazz wakes up, he wraps himself in the blanket he was covered with more for comfort. It reminds me of how children do a similar action of hiding under blankets to protect themselves from monsters. It’s good that Jazz finally feels safe enough to let his grief and sadness over losing the life he worked so hard to get. 

I wonder how much of Prowl’s following actions are due to his own feelings and how much is the training Prowl is following having a section of what is almost a kind of aftercare for the physically harshest part of the training. 

"I realize how amazing it must feel at this point," Prowl began. -- Sure Prowl, sure you do.

We then see just how much the punishment cycles and Prowls lack of communication have affected Jazz since he believes that he will now lose the blankets and such when really Prowl just wants Jazz to recharge in the ‘normal’ way. It almost seems like Prowl will harm Jazz again for not doing exactly as told. Which is a lot of the root of the problem. Prowl wants Jazz to take his words at face value and only do as commanded while Jazz is trying to anticipate what Prowl wants to avoid punishments. And because Jazz can have no idea what Prowl is thinking, he fails and then to Jazz he gets punished for no reason trying to do what Prowl wants while to Prowl its obviously because Jazz failed to listen. 

Prowl tries to say that Jazz can always ask for clarification of orders but fails to take into account Jazz’s fear of punishment for not understanding something after enough times. There is also the embarrassment of having to ask for clarification of what sounds like a simple order due to not being sure what Prowl would consider the “correct” way of carrying it out. Like if Prowl said “wash the cubes” Jazz won’t know if he means to A) fill the sink with soapy water to let the cups soak, B) follow A but wash the cups right away, C) fill a smaller wash basin located under the sink to wash the cups, D) lather a sponge and use that as to not waste water. It seems like a simple and obvious order to Prowl but Jazz has no way of knowing which answer is right or punishable as each probably seems equally valid to him. Add on to this that no one wants to actually ask “hey, how do I wash a dish?”

We end on Prowl once again happy to live out his little couple’s fantasy as Jazz cannot sleep due to worry about the minefield of the future in front of him.

Till next time!

The Flaw in Every Crystal

Chapter 18: 'Life in Praxus' Part 2

Aka: Part 1

Aka: Time for walkies!

Aka: Jazz’s surreal day

Aka: Shopping montage!

So, as with any good relationship Prowl has to remind himself in the morning not to body slam the mate next to him. Jazz was able to catch some sleep it seems by closing himself to protect his midsection in a kind of fetal position but is woken up by Prowl’s movement. This is interesting in that I can see how this will parallel Jazz’s ability’s later on since being able to maintain a light sleep will probably be a top skill for a spy.

Jazz then lies to Prowl about how he slept with Prowl just accepting it despite the way Jazz slept and speed that he woke up. Prowl then gives Jazz a choice: 

"Would you like some Energon or would you prefer a chance to clean up first?"

This seems almost like the kind of choices that one would give a child. Either choice is acceptable and in the grand scheme don’t matter. Yet the choice is given to both give the child a greater feeling of agency and experience in making decisions. Part of me wants to say that the reasons Prowl gives the choices are to both give Jazz some agency back to temper any anger early and start training Jazz about how to make decisions again but it is more probable that Prowl finds the choices so unimportant that he might as well just let Jazz pick without thinking about it too deeply.

Jazz offers to get energon for them both and Prowl accepts without question, even pleased that Jazz was thinking of him as well without any prompting. This is once again I believe Prowl’s desire to be at the happy couple stage again that he tends to fall into once Jazz starts behaving in line with Prowl’s beliefs. Of course his beloved mate would fetch him breakfast as well, this is how things were always done in his home after all (I assume at least). There is no way then that Jazz could poison his energon while alone with it because that is not what a sub in the household does after all. Not to mention that Prowl probably has the cleaning supplies locked up at the moment and any other dangerous chemicals. I’m sure that any education for getting/training a foreign sub mentions that foreigners tend to mistake cleaning solution for energon additives, silly subs, ha...ha...ha...

Jazz takes a moment to reflect that his rebellious feelings have left him and just feels empty. This of course is a perfectly natural response to trauma/depression. Like someone/thing opened a hole and all the “you” fell out.

"’That was quicker than I expected,’ the officer praised” god Prowl, even your complaints are weak. Can’t even do a thank you? 

I think Jazz is dissociating at this point due to how surreal he feels and how he goes on a kind of “auto-pilot” mode, but I don’t really know that much about the condition and have a hard time finding explanations of it so I can’t say for sure. The next line mentions Jazz’s “mental state” but that could also be referring to the depressing thought that Jazz was having that the current situation is simply his dying dream.

Prowl seems to be moving fast with wanting to take Jazz out already on only his second day out of THAT ROOM. I can’t say for sure wither this is due to Prowl’s wanting to speed the relationship along again or if he doesn’t want to leave Jazz alone in the house since its currently 2/2 ending in explosions. Or a combination thereof.

 I guess then Jazz didn’t clean up enough the first shower since he still looks kinda like crap? Or is it that after healing more and getting more energon it is more apparent? Like he went into the shower a 0/10, came out a 5/10 and Prowl was just like “good enough” till he saw it in the light of day? 

Prowl again offers Jazz the choice of what cleanser he would want, another pretty meaningless gesture, but a gesture nonetheless.  (I don’t count the energon as a real choice since it was more of an if/then than a choice.) At least he didn’t just assume Jazz should use the same cleanser as last time.

Jazz’s wings it seems integrated well since he can do the Yes/No moments easily and readily. He can also control twitching.

Jazz then gets his first taste of having Prowl’s name painted on him. At least Prowl does it quickly, probably because he didn’t want to risk Jazz losing control and twitching without meaning to. Prowl brings up that currently they are a plain black that can be fixed in the future. I wonder what color? I can’t remember if there is another one in the future and Jazz/Prowl tend to be mainly black and white. Perhaps red?

“[Prowl’s glyph(s)] was a sign of who one belonged to, and who another would have to compensate should anything be done to the wearer of such marks.” Aka: only damage the ones below your current rank, or else.

It’s sad that Prowl is probably the happiest he has been in a long time with the relationship while Jazz is wondering how much it is worth pretending/performing the role Prowl forced him into. I just know as well that if Jazz said no Prowl would probably be disappointed at Jazz’s lack of caring but still accept it.

Jazz then gets his first look at himself after exploding twice, gaining two new wings, and being tortured multiple times. What he sees, isn’t that great. Prowl gives Jazz another choice, seemingly an import one this time, of what Jazz would like to look like. Jazz tries to respond that he would like to hang on to his current look, but then Prowl dismisses how important the choice actually was by saying how it would have to be changed, aka Jazz’s black will have to be changed to a dark grey. 

Prowl also says that too much contrast will make Jazz stand out. This seems to be both a hint of how Praxus works with the subs trying not to be noticed and that Prowl’s rank is nowhere near the higher end in the city. I assume at least that if Prowl were one of the elites Jazz would be able to stand out more without problem. I almost want it to be that the real elites have some sub slaves in the gaudiest paints ever put together just to show that the sub can stand out so much without problem due to the name on their wings.

I am a bit disappointed that we didn’t get more details about Jazz’s first walk about since getting married and then arrested. Like is Jazz still on a leash or is he allowed to walk on his own? Does he have to be a certain distance behind Prowl and is Prowl enforcing the distance? Or is Prowl simply depending on Jazz’s absolute knowledge that even if he did run there would be no where to go?

After his repaint Jazz admits that he considers himself dead inside now. That the real Jazz “died” in the training room and now he was just a walking talking doll for Prowl. Though if one can consider one’s self dead, can one really be dead?

“ Prowl would never win because he could never have Jazz, just his frame and a drone-like response system to serve as a personality.” Oh, the foreshadowing, the horrible, horrible foreshadowing....

“ In the end, he'd been forced to accept a light gray in place of the white as well as replacing the black. It wasn't a situation he liked but there had been no better options.” Are the he’s here referring to Jazz or Prowl? Because Jazz wasn’t putting up a real argument so I want to say Prowl. But then why would Prowl be forced to accept a light grey color instead of white? Did the white contrast too much with the dark grey? But Prowl got Jazz a reward, so is it just Jazz? But then Prowl was disappointed with the look and @-@ I have a confusion....

(Okay, that Just Jazz line has it so I now want a transformers AU doki doki literature club where Jazz slowly falls for the too-smart self-aware Prowl or go AI Jazz but full on creepypasta)

The glyphs are red now! Called it/remembered it/assumed it! Now then, how would a conversion on the paint go.... “It is not my favorite of your looks” “Same. Yet you dressed me like this without my say so!” “I asked what colors you wished for!” “And I said I liked my old ones!” Cue argument about the Praxian sub culture again.

God, Prowl is really in fake perfect relationship mode again. He even does the hold ‘close your eyes and hold out your hands for a surprise.’ The visor even works enough for Jazz to thank Prowl for it even though Prowl was the one who took his original. I wonder if Prowl actually threw it out or if he’s keeping the original visor somewhere.

"Even the white is only to be used to prevent outsiders from viewing your optics."   - ? Why would outsiders not be allowed to see Jazz’s optics?

“It was a choice between which would be least horrible, and none of the options were looking good.” I feel as if this line summarizes the story perfectly and yet not completely. And look, another meaningless choice from a selection that Jazz is allowed while having no say in what he actually wants!

Its also kinda horrible that Prowl is taken in or at least going along with Jazz’s perfect/dead inside mate act but still knows/paid attention enough about Jazz to order him something he would enjoy.

Jazz realizes the disconnect as well and tries to justify the two Prowls in his mind by thinking one must be an act since if one is a monster sometimes, one must be a monster always and otherwise just pretend to be human. Though its interesting that it really isn’t an act with Prowl. Its more that this is how he wants to be and the monster is just something he justifies to himself and then never looks back on.

Honestly this day is probably what Prowl had wanted/planned for the day after the marriage was accepted by the council to go. His mate wearing his glyph, getting a treat from his generous dom of lunch, then as another treat going to the gardens Jazz wanted to visit so much as the first of many if not happy then at least interesting and acceptable days together. Then Jazz had to go and ruin it all by exploding....

 Jazz of course sees this as a trap in waiting since he can’t see his captor/torturer treating him this way for any reason except getting his hopes up just to dash them. Though actually its probably just Prowl over-gifting again. It is too bad that if Praxus were more normal it would be that Prowl was one of those guys who bought their significant others waay too much just because they wanted to/could. Like flowers everyday or something. And this would probably have annoyed the crap out of Jazz in a way.

“...but overly praising one's mate was frowned upon so he had to condense his reasoning. ‘Such things may become standards in your life even, if you continue to excel as you have been.’” Ha, Prowl finally admits he enjoys over-praising/rewarding his mate. Though Jazz has a point that there is no price worth what happened to him.

And thus Jazz visits the crystal gardens again, IN PART 2! ... of Part 2.... 

Till next time!

The Flaw In Every Crystal

Chapter 18 Part 2 ....of Part 2

Aka: The garden party

Aka: Guy needs a hobby

Okay, been a while so let’s just get right back into it. Jazz as a new paint job in all grays and now gets to visit the garden as part of his ... walk. They get just waved through the gates since Jazz now has THE WINGS OF CITIZENSHIP or close enough at least. When they come upon the singing crystals, Prowl asks Jazz to enter alone to experience them himself now that he should be able to hear them via his wings. Jazz thinks the song he now hears is a bit bittersweet which makes sense of him projecting just how far he has had to come and what he has been put through to hear them fully.

Of course now that Jazz has heard some music again, it revives that part of him leading him to want to create his own music again. We also see how Prowl can accept some core values that Jazz has but not others. Such as he is willing to allow Jazz to stay with the singing crystals for as long as Jazz wishes because he understands how much music makes up Jazz’s character. Yet Prowl fails to grasp that rebellion is another equal facet of Jazz and cannot just be removed or suppressed yet leave the rest of him as Jazz.

Jazz forces himself to leave the area early as not to make Prowl angry at being forced to wait. This makes sense as Prowl didn’t say that Jazz could take as long as he wanted. So though Prowl assumes that Jazz will stay in there until fetched, Jazz believes that Prowl will want to leave in order to see the rest of the garden and catch the next transport to deal with whatever is on the schedule next and would be angry if thrown off it. 

Kinda surprised that touching the crystals is allowed. But I guess that if it is only Praxian’s who are taught to know better or mechs with Praxians they assume that nothing too bad will happen to the exhibit. I wonder if they ever change the crystals out or rearrange them to change up the exhibit every once in a while or if it is a permanent fixture?

It is cute that there is a little hidden shop in the gardens for kids to discover and get a little take home kit. Unfortunately Jazz seems to find it cute too and combined with the rest of what has happened today is leaving him rather out of sorts over what to feel.

“... proper sensor wings aren’t installed until one’s adult frames.” Is this to say the kids aren’t born with wings from any couple and instead everyone gets wings when they become a citizen?

Jazz’s wings seem to be becoming a tell for him as he finds it hard to control them properly. So while he can hide his facial expressions, the wings give him away. 

Prowl seems interested and says that Jazz may have talent. I wonder if this is due to Jazz’s interest in music or is it that people who grow crystal are regarded and having an outsider mate who can grow crystals would be a better status symbol for Prowl? I can’t think that crystals grown by an outsider would be considered anything more than a parlor trick by most Praxian’s though. Also they don’t charge for the crystal growing kit?

When they get back home it seems that Jazz is uneasy with how he seems to be losing himself to the role Prowl expects him to be playing as the sub. Though Prowl is rather self-sufficient already so Jazz can very quickly get left with nothing to do. Though now he does have the crystals to occupy his time.

Praxian’s must not really have a music scene what so ever if Prowl is working so hard to get Jazz into the crystals rather than a quiet instrument to occupy his time.

Thus we end this chapter with both going into recharge after a busy day of gifts for Jazz.

Till next time!

The Flaw in Every Crystal

Chapter 19: 'Life in Praxus' Part 3

Aka: Daily Life?

So, Jazz and Prowl are now back from the second visit to the gardens with Jazz as a now full citizen and given to all the perks, including his own crystal starter kit. 

The chapter begins with Prowl waking up and doing a scan for Jazz, since Jazz is still understandably terrified and prone to curl up in his sleep. Though this night, whether due to exhaustion, joy still from the day before, or just wanting someone else to curl up with, Prowl wakes to find Jazz curled up against him.  

Prowl, finding it cute and probably more in line of what is expected of sub behavior, decides to indulge in being curled up around Jazz. Prowl also starts showing more physical affection to Jazz via petting his wings. Jazz of course responds positively to this sort of physical affection after being so long without. Prowl acknowledges that Jazz will need much more time to become calm around Prowl, though I do wonder what Prowl’s full imagined timeline is since I can’t believe he has it fully open to letting things progress naturally at any point.

Jazz of course, after awakening to find his kidnapper/torturer so close to him, freaks out. In Jazz’s desperate bid to get away, he ends up spraining his wing by hitting it wrong. It can be due both to the wings still being relatively new additions to Jazz’s frame so Jazz has less time to account for their size and movements along with Jazz’s unfamiliarity with the room itself. Prowl, at least, and probably through his police training knows to approach Jazz slowly and to speak softly as not to startle Jazz into trying to flee and injure himself further. This of course fails and Jazz ends up falling off the berth.

Prowl then mistakenly puts Jazz in a hard place since Jazz can’t fix the wing on his own yet doesn’t trust Prowl not to hurt him. Thus unable to run or fight Jazz falls back on freezing as a natural reaction. Prowl feels distress that Jazz is distressed yet unwilling to let Prowl help, as Prowl feels that it is his duty to do so and feels as though the punishment part of the training should be over. Jazz however has never gotten a memo about this and is instead in a constant state of anxiety over the uncertainty of his predicament. Jazz can only plea for Prowl not to hurt him, as he did before in THAT ROOM.

Prowl then promises Jazz he won’t hurt Jazz, probably meaning it as well until he feels Jazz does something wrong again. Jazz, of course knowing Prowl has hurt him before has no reason to believe that he will not be hurt this time but is in no position to refuse any offer of help. So Jazz is forced to calm himself down.

It is funny that Prowl asks Jazz to be strong for two klicks to reset a wing when we have seen Jazz endure torture before at Prowl’s hands. Though in the moment Prowl is probably just trying to be more comforting and perhaps falling back on learned police scripts for dealing with hurt civilians.

I wonder if Prowl was able to sense any of the hatred Jazz felt towards him for a moment or if it was drowned out by the pain that Jazz was in.... Prowl then automatically went to give Jazz a pain blocker since he is now in “good dom looking out for his poor sub” mode of operating. And Prowl does want Jazz to now play as the sub in need of comfort, shown by Prowl repeatedly asking if Jazz is in pain, or okay, and extending his field out to Jazz. 

Jazz himself is arguing about whether to take the comfort Prowl is offering him, or not allow himself any comfort with Prowl and therefore protect himself more when Prowl turns on him again. It is interesting to see these problems come up and reminds me of a prior fic where ‘Prowl” was erased and the “new” Prowl was mated to Soundwave but still loved Jazz. Jazz, undertaking his own mission to bring both to his side even thinks to himself multiple times how easy it would be to just take comfort in the two and forget everything else, or in his own words “go insane”. The Jazz in that fic never did, though he did come very close. The Jazz here, with no Spec Ops training and currently no visible hope of escape, does go and accept comfort from Prowl. And he is comforted by this, allowing himself to drift away and forget his current situation for awhile.

Prowl allows this to go on till it is time for him to leave for work, at which point he tries to convince Jazz to move up onto the bed. Jazz, having been “woken up” and given orders by Prowl once again retreats back into himself, answering the way he assumes Prowl wishes him to. Though even if he asked Prowl to stay, Prowl would probably say it would be ludicrous to stay by Jazz’s side for a bent wing and that he has to go. 

Jazz, in an act to comfort himself in a tactile fashion without having to rely on Prowl, wraps himself in a blanket. The blanket can also serve as Jazz’s attempt at protection going back to childhood fears of monsters under the bed who would grab you if you were not covered. Prowl then gets Jazz some of his diluted energon. 

Jazz is then given run of the building for the ....third time? With no explosions for once. Though Prowl is extra weary when entering his home. Jazz, for his part has continued to take comfort in the blanket and move on to tending to his crystals, which are dependent on him to develop. 

Prowl then tries for the most awkward attempts at small talk with Jazz. Jazz however takes this to be in a condescending tone and is defensive thinking Prowl is saying that Jazz wasted the day away when Jazz just wasn’t up to causing anymore harm. Prowl doesn’t even offer how his day went in return. Instead Prowl decides to change topics to get Jazz to speak to him a bit more by complementing the garden Jazz has started. Jazz is not up to conversing though and remains quiet before returning back to his work leaving Prowl with no idea how to continue any conversation. Prowl though takes comfort in that at least Jazz has shown an interest in something and is not just catatonic, assuming that the awkwardness will naturally fade with time as Jazz get more used to Prowl as his mate.

 I wonder if Prowl simply doesn’t want the embarrassment of a mate wrapped in a comfort object which is why he thinks to only allow Jazz to continue on for a day longer acting like that? 

Prowl also offers still to take Jazz anywhere in the city Jazz would like to go before or after the doctor visit.

Jazz does actually show some of his growing comfort with Prowl in this new situation by making a joke about the blanket accepting him as family now. Or it is a joke to simply cover his real fear of being separated from it. Unfortunately, Prowl is unable to determine how to respond and the joke dies a sad and lonely death on the kitchen table.

Thus we leave again to return on Jazz’s check-up.

Till Next Time!

The Flaw in Every Crystal

Chapter 20: 'Life in Praxus' Part 4

Aka: Driving Force

We start off with Jazz once again having to ask what has been done to him after waking up rather than be allowed to make his own choices. Though at this point I could see Jazz even rejecting a form of help due to just wanting to have control over even one thing in his life even if it is detrimental to him. Though that goes to the heart of the Praxian culture with foreigners, doesn’t it? They shouldn’t be allowed to make any choices due to the fear that they will make the “wrong” one. To the point that Prowl is even allowed to keep Jazz’s modifications from Jazz himself.

I wonder what range “short-range” really means? Can Jazz only contact people within the city? Would he receive an update, ding, or whatever if say rewind or someone entered the city and be able to contact them? Or does it block any numbers not approved of by Prowl?

It is a bit sad that Jazz has had to stop correcting people that Prowl is his mate because in Praxus he is fully considered such. Though it is interesting to hear Prowl referred to as a “warden” rather than a kidnapper/torturer. It begs the question of if Jazz is beginning to internalize some guilt to think that this must be some sort of karma brought onto him due to a prior action rather than a tragic circumstance. It is also interesting that Prowl is referred to as the “warden” rather than a “jailer” or “guard”. The warden is usually known as the being of absolute authority yet being absent from most prisoners lives and in most media is traditionally depicted as corrupt or not believing in the system itself. So for the metaphor proper from a third person angle it would be the city/culture itself that is the warden and Prowl as a guard with Jazz as the prisoner but since Jazz has been depicted as such a single track mind thinker so far and puts such an emphasis on physical sensations it may be that he is unable to think to blame a city/culture itself but rather would blame a singular person or persons.

Also interesting that Prowl offers to explain all the modifications to Jazz inside of the medical center or just go home. I wonder if its so that if Jazz takes the news badly there will be medical staff nearby? Or could it be Prowl thinking that if Jazz does not wish to know right away then it means that he does not car to know ever?

Then when Jazz comments that some of the modifications were described as “surprises” Prowl sidesteps it by asking for another stop before home. From here it is hard to determine if Prowl knew it was a set up to explain about the modifications or if he is taking it as Jazz saying that he does not want the surprise ruined by Prowl explaining it then and there.

We see then that the stop Prowl wants to make is in the city. Jazz gets a view of a bunch of “subs” walking around in the open with different names on their wings along with a strong enforcer presence. It is odd that Praxus, for claiming to be such a safe city with no significant crime rate, boosts such a large number of enforcers paid to seemingly just drive around the city. Could it be to serve as a reminder to any Praxians or non Praxains who wish to disobey some of the traditions? As a constant reminder of Praxus’s power?

As it turns out the place in the city is the “Reeducation center” which Jazz panics at first thinking it could be a brainwashing center a la 1984 or some such. Which I do not believe a building for the purpose Jazz fears would even been in Praxus since from what we have seen of Prowl and some of Barricade’s comments that “training” as it is is considered more a private family/couple matter rather than anything you would feel comfortable asking for outside help about.

It is interesting that Prowl either does not note or does not care about Jazz’s obvious distress at seeing the building and being asked to walk towards it. It seems also the Prowl has plans to be seen in public or at least be able to drive around with Jazz since he worries about Jazz’s skills getting rusty. It takes Jazz guessing at the building’s purpose to prompt Prowl to tell Jazz what the building is really for.

I wonder if this building is only for foreign adopted frames to practice/learn new skills in or if it is for Praxians as well who have found themselves in a new sub/dom position that they did not think they would have before hand. Jazz is forced to accept this explanation from Prowl as to the building’s purpose at face value, since as Jazz notes, there is really no choice for him to refuse that won’t end in more pain for him. 

It is interesting to note that Prowl simply downloads a map of the building before they left and that Prowl had previously said this visit could happen at any orn. There was also no receptionist inside to greet them so the area but either accept only commed appointments or be open for public use and then just not be used that often since Prowl shows no worry about there being crowds or someone else currently using the track. They also don’t run into anyone else in the hallways on the way to the indoor track. 

The track itself seems to be a proper testing ground with obstacles and even parts of the track deliberately neglected to copy that of what may be seen on the roadways. It seems as the only worker in the building as well would be a medic to help deal with any issues that newly door-winged individuals may face.

Jazz’s collar is then removed into Prowl’s subspace. I have to wonder if it is because the track is a closed area so Jazz would have no hope of escaping anyway or if the collar would interfere with the transformation sequence somehow.

Jazz then asks Prowl to join him on the track though I am unsure if it is to make sure that the track is safe first or if Jazz simply wishes for company. Prowl agrees once he is sure that Jazz will not suddenly crash and burn into the side of the track or some such. 

It is interesting that now without the collar around him Jazz reverts quickly to his old nature and even seems to be flirting with Prowl a bit, I assume in a similar way to when he first arrived and caught Prowl’s interest. I wonder if it is a conscious decision to do so to show how well Jazz is without the collar or if it is simply Jazz trying to pretend for a bit that this is how it actually is and the collar didn’t exist for a while.

We also see Prowl happy to see these actions in Jazz and thinking that it was a good gift to deliver this reaction. Though I wonder then if it is a gift to allow Jazz this movement or if it was for medical reasons? 

We then see Jazz start a race with Prowl. It seems at first to be Jazz indulging but this could also allow Jazz some valuable information that if he ever did get on a road with Prowl, if Jazz would be able to out speed him. This would be the perfect environment to test out how their speeds compare on different terrain and the whole while Prowl simply thinks its his mate enjoying a playful race. And then later get to confirm that while Jazz is having fun he also wants to test his limits properly against an enforcer. 

Though it is also interesting that Prowl decides to deliberately let Jazz take the lead and not pass him even though Prowl believes that he could. Is it because Prowl suspects that Jazz would not like it or wanting to keep an eye on Jazz when driving? It is show that Jazz DOES want to fully race Prowl since he then slows to parallel with Prowl before taking off again though Prowl seems more concerned with making sure Jazz would know how to handle himself alone on the road. We see later that the story has enforcers react some way to a chase that Prowl states he does not want to trigger without having warned Jazz first. Whether this is a chase triggering more aggressive actions or being tied to interfacing like in other stories remains to be seen. Though Prowl does feel pride that Jazz is able to out maneuver/outsmart him in the road maze. Though Prowl then feels the need to scare, cut Jazz off to reestablish dominance over him... via it seems a game of chicken.

Then we see how Prowl’s half-explanations tend to do more harm then good as his sudden explanation of no longer being on the track leads Jazz to believe he upset Prowl rather than almost triggered something in Prowl. And at this point Jazz looks for verbal traps in everything as he does not believe in Prowl saying that Jazz could remain longer, instead seeing it as a set up that he will be punished for leaving his dom’s side later. 

It is interesting to see Jazz’s tendency to lie rather than have to wait or explain something he doesn’t want to. 

It seems also that Jazz is lead back still uncollared and then is left by Prowl in the entrance with no instruction. I wonder if this is Prowl once again falling into the “We had a nice day and I WANT Jazz to just act like a good mate so I will pretend that is what is going on” again or if Prowl is so used to either not having a mate or Jazz being locked up that he didn’t think of it. Jazz, for his part, plays into it as well, getting them both energon and then waiting to be able to dry off Prowl. And although Prowl is happy at these actions from Jazz, Jazz is less so, it seems, or simply reminding himself in his thoughts that Prowl is his captor.

And with that the chapter ends with them falling asleep.

Till next time!

The Flaw in Every Crystal

Chapter 21: 'Life in Praxus' Part 5

Aka: Blanket Negotiations End in a Standstill

So we have Prowl waking up happy to see that Jazz is still on the bed and not exploded, missing, or freaking out. Little victories I guess. Though I love how Prowl just assumes that after one morning freak out its over. Especially since  he isn’t even sure Jazz is awake yet.

Then cue an almost normal morning of Prowl asking if Jazz wants to sleep in after the medical center, racing and such from yesterday and Jazz showing appreciation for it (via wing flicks). Though then we get into problems once again coming about because Prowl seems to constantly wanting to act as though he and Jazz are just happy mates now without acknowledging any damage from before. This can be seen in when he tells Jazz that he would hate for Jazz to be in pain from overexertion. I’m sure Prowl’s thought process is that Jazz should not be in pain because the outing was not a punishment, but for Jazz it doesn’t matter. 

Though part of me wonders if even some part of Prowl did acknowledge the statement because he goes to fetch them both a meal. Though that could just as easily be Prowl wanting to get up and do something or not have Jazz injure himself by quickly trying to carry some cubes up to them. 

This then causes Jazz a breakdown since he can’t understand Prowl’s behavior’s. It almost seems like a person on the outside looking in on an abusive relationship despite this being him in one. Jazz wondering why Prowl isn’t always violent instead of thinking how it could be a cycle at this point. Jazz seems to believe it should be a constant violence instead of how some abuse survivors write about trying to keep one nonviolent cycle going as long as they can. I wonder if Jazz just hasn’t been exposed to realistic stories of abuse, if he found it too violent to see it as part of a normal abusive relationship, or if those simply are not common in any city state Jazz has been to? Or maybe a type of victim blaming for the people remaining in the relationship but because Jazz has so constantly been against it and trying to escape he sees it as something different? Food for thought.

Though I can easily understand Jazz’s confusion over it then since from his point of view it seems like Prowl must be given a Shakespearean like act for an audience of one who will never appreciate it. Jazz can’t reconcile the two different versions of Prowl he’s seen.

Prowl on the other hand is in full “everything is fine now, we are a perfect couple, look at me acting like *I assume* my sire did”. He is preparing Jazz’s energon diluted as he wishes to, asking after Jazz’s emotional state, telling Jazz he call tell him anything, etc. Though we get this an what has been proven to otherwise be an empty gesture since we know that every time Jazz brings up his problems, Prowl simply brushes it off. It also brings up the problem of Praxus with “You should work out your own problems, or have your mate help you but it should ALWAYS stay in the house” as it were.

We also see Jazz falling into depression where he sleeps and then with nothing to really look forward to seems to just want to sleep more. But we get the return of the adorable blanket monster Jazz at least. And Prowl responding to this in an equally playful matter. Jazz even reflects how it is nice to pretend that everything is fine the same way that Prowl is. And it seems as though after Jazz has been however long there, Prowl has gotten some energon more to Jazz’s tastes. Though this seems almost as though Prowl is once again trying to shower Jazz with gifts for if not good, at least not horrible behavior. It should be noted that Prowl keeps the humor going even though he thinks about how absurd the whole thing is. 

....I should probably do a full on analysis sometime about the parallels between the blanket/Jazz and Prowl/Jazz sometime in the future.

Then we get to hear more about Jazz’s budding little crystal garden that seems to be the main thing giving him joy and keeping him going at this point. He is also able to make the garden intricate at this point showing how much time and effort he has put into it. 

And then Prowl leaves with not a great, but no where near a bad foot with Jazz. Jazz then checks on Prowl to see both where Prowl is and why he is still awake. We then end on them falling asleep on the berth.

Till Next Time!