The Virgin Heathers: Killing Your High School Bully Might Seem Like A Good Idea But You'll Regret It

The virgin Heathers: Killing your high school bully might seem like a good idea but you'll regret it because you'll, like, feel bad about it and it won't solve your *real* problems

The chad Nerdy Prudes Must Die: Killing your high school bully WILL solve all your problems and you won't feel guilty about it in the slightest but you'll still regret it because he'll come back as a ghost and fucking kill you

gertrude robinson stopping peter lukas' ritual by getting him cancelled is the funniest thing to ever happen

Hi my name is Wiggog Y'rath Consumerism Wiggly Cross and I have long wiggly tentacles (that’s how I got my name) with green fur all over my body and wide yellow eyes like big spotlights and a lot of people tell me I look like Jon Matteson (AN: if u don’t know who he is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Wilbur Cross but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m an eldritch horror but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale green skin. I’m also a Lord in Black, and I live in the Black and White with my four brothers and my stupid bitch sister (I’m the oldest). I’m a god (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly green. I love Hatchetfield and I get all my disciples from there. For example today in my human form I was wearing a green Letterman jacket with the letter W on it and some black pins, shiny green pants and a gold crown on my head. I was wearing a green dress shirt, a green tie, and a green backpack with a doll version of me on it. I was walking outside Hatchetfield High. There had been some dead bodies showing up recently so everyone was accusing each other of murder, which I was very happy about. A lot of PEIP agents stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.

okay so steph is definitely a music purist?

we can all agree on that right? like she's a 'said she was born in the wrong generation in middle school' fleetwood mac, david bowie, the mamas & the papas, niche modern indie artists and also chappell roan kind of music listener. obviously. but.... i dont think we've really considered pete's music taste?

pete, who is a science, left-brained kind of kid, so he probably does not actively go out to look for music and is instead just provided music by the people around him?

pete whose older brother is theodore spankoffski and so his earliest and most fond and nostalgic music influences from his childhood would have come directly from ted's cd collection???

basically what im saying is peter spankoffski has the most trashy, early 00's ke$ha, black eyed peas my humps era, all american rejects ass music taste in the world

that boy had bowling for soup's 1985 memorized at age four, his guilty pleasure music is hollywood undead's everywhere i go, ted did his first decent person move in years when pete came out as trans as a kid and stopped listening to grow a pear by ke$ha and pete forcibly made him play it because it's a bop

and then his only friends are a weeb and a theatre kid.

steph gives him the aux cord on a date to be nice, as a sign of trust, and is blasted in the face with the most uncurated mess of j-pop, sondheim, weezer, and like... owl city's fireflies and that's just a fact

THIS HAS ABSOLUTELY MADE MY FUCKING DAY

BRO WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE HES ABOUT TO BURST INTO TEARS 😭😭😭

im not coloring this take it