In 7x4, 15:32 When A Bartender Asks Dean Why Hes Drinking So Much, Lovelife Or Job, He Says Its A Complex

In 7x4, 15:32 when a bartender asks Dean why he’s drinking so much, „Lovelife or job“, he says it’s a complex question. He could have easily said that his job was hard but no, he just lost Cas to the Leviathans, so it’s not just the job that’s his problem, but his job is connected with his lovelife because the things he hunts killed the man he loves. So yeah, it’s a complex question.

Okay can someone message me when y‘all are done posting about teenage Dean being abused by his homophobic father asshole?!

It’s not like I don’t agree that this interpretation cannon is true, it just crushes me to even think about it for another second AND I CANNOT HANDLE MORE HEARTBREAK.

Signing off until y‘all are done, thanks and bye bitches💙💚

coda to 15x20, not because i liked it but because i hated it and it needed fixing. don’t mistake anything in here as justifying the choices made in the finale, i just needed to fix it up in order to write an actually happy ending

Dean doesn’t know how long he’s been driving - it feels simultaneously like ten minutes, ten hours, ten days. He’s not sure how time works in heaven.

Not sure how prayer works, either, or at least has forgotten since the last time he was here. Either way, it might be different now, with Jack in charge. Dean just has to hold on tight and pray and hope that just once more, he gets an answer.

He feels it before he lands and then Cas is there, in the corner of his eye, sitting in the shotgun seat.

Dean wants to pull over, pull Cas into his arms. Doesn’t. He’s got stuff he needs to say and it’s easier to get out like this, hands on the steering wheel and eyes on the road.

“So,” he says. “Got out of the empty?”

“Yes,” Cas answers and Dean can hear the smile on his lips, can picture it, tender and proud. “Jack has grown so much.”

Dean clears his throat, uncertain of how to continue. 

“I’m sorry you died,” Cas says as the silence grows too long.

“Yeah, me too. Sorry your big sacrifice was all for nothing.”

Cas puts his hand on Dean’s arm, tugging, and now Dean has to pull over. He’s not sure if cars can crash in heaven and he’s not eager to find out. He kills the engine and finally, reluctantly looks at Cas.

He looks… the same. Maybe a little more relaxed, a little less tense around the eyes. 

“It wasn’t for nothing,” Cas says. His hand is still on Dean’s arm, warm and heavy. “Dean, if you had died then who knows how things would have ended? Chuck might have won, Jack and Sam could be dead, and you wouldn’t have gotten the rest you deserve. It truly would all have been for nothing.”

His eyes soften, his grip relaxing. “Of course I wish it hadn’t come to you so soon. You had earned a long life, it shouldn’t have ended so quick. But I’m not sorry I saved you and I don’t regret what it cost me. And I don’t regret…” he takes a deep breath, for the first time looking hesitant. “I don’t regret telling you I loved you.”

Dean laughs. It’s weak, wavering. At some point he started crying, full-on weeping in a way he’d have been embarrassed to let anyone see before. He’s not embarrassed now.

“You’re kind of scooping my big speech here,” Dean admits. “I had a whole thing planned out.”

Cas looks him over. Dean has never seen this look on his face before, this mixture of fear and hope, and he hates and loves that he has this power. But he’s damn well not gonna misuse it, not anymore.

“You- you can’t just tell a guy you love him and then die on him without waiting for an answer.”

“I wasn’t aware you had an answer,” Cas says softly.

“Yeah, well.” Dean shrugs. “I didn’t really, not right then. But if I can’t nut up and tell the guy I’ve been in l-love with,” he blushes, ducking his eyes as he stumbles on the word, “for fucking years how I feel, even after we’re both dead, then when can I?”

He waits. Shoulder tense, stomach coiling, and how is it that even now, with everything on the table between them, he’s still so scared? 

He startles when Cas’ hand lands on his shoulder. Looks up, gaze catching Cas’, and his breath stutters at the wonder, at the overwhelming love and adoration in Cas’ eyes.

“Dean.” Cas raises his hand, brings it up to cup Dean’s cheek, and Dean leans into the touch without even meaning to.

Before he can lose his nerve, Dean leans in.

It’s like coming home.

Every single day I see my neighbors‘ nametag on their door. And every day, without a fail, I crack up a little because they’re called „Heller“ and I‘m just way too invested in spn to not find that funny.

So after destiel going canon for YET ANOTHER TIME I really more than anything want Jensen to release the uncut version of 15x18. But while I want to see it more than anything, I don’t want Jensen to release it if it could get him into serious trouble for breaking an NDA contract or whatever. I want to see it so badly, but I think Jensen being okay and not ruining his career or anything is more important.

After all he gifted us with Dean for so many years. We should be so grateful to this man. At least I am. He didn’t just give me a character I can strongly relate to and a show that I love. He and his work from the last 15 years are what gave me strength to keep fighting when I was at my lowest. When I couldn’t get up because of my depression, I could always count on spn being there to get me through the day and motivate me to fight my own demons.

So while I want to see that video, more than anything I‘m just so grateful for Jensen and want him to be safe and happy even more than I want that video.

https://t.co/54FAmAK4Pc?ssr=true

I’m crying they’re so much fun together😭 Wish we’d seen them working together more often!!😇👿