Nothing To Lose

nothing to lose

pairing: jay park x fem!reader

summary: after a hockey party, a football game, and a near perfect first kiss, jay is humbled by his (practically silent) friend sunghoon, who reminds him that he has nothing to lose.

genres: university / college au, friends (uni crushes) to lovers, smut, fluff

warnings: minors dni, vaguely (very?) british undertones..

word count: 24,064 .. sorry.

playlist: awkward sza, do you like me? daniel caesar

author's note: please just be nice to me and let me know your thoughts (positive / negative / anything as long as ur not mean abt it) .. thank u @asahicore my rock, my bestie, my beta reader .. <333 hope u enjoy !!!

When you pair his kind eyes and charming smile with his ever-positive outlook on life, it’s easy to see why Park Jongseong is heavily popular amongst the student body; even described by your flatmates (and the rest of his fan club) as the stuff of dreams. And in your dreams, you know exactly why he’s staring in your direction with a sweet smile on his face. In real life, however, you have absolutely no idea and it’s kind of weird. Not his smile itself, no, his smile is.. really pretty, but it’s kind of weird in the sense that it’s directed at you. 

You think. 

Most of the library’s population sits across the room in the computer lab and based on your seat, at an empty table, in the (also empty) far corner, he’s either smiling at you or at the wall that your head is resting on. It’s not until the two of you lock eyes that you feel you should smile back, though your brows knit together at the way he whips his head around in the other direction when you do – a move that seems out of character for the Park Jongseong that you know. Or rather, the Park Jongseong Jay that you knew.

The Jay you knew was a (more than) pleasant enough guy who grinned in a way that pushed a dimple into his cheek every time he got to class and sidled his way through the aisle to sit in the seat next to you. The very first time he did it he’d mistaken you for someone else, his smile faltering slightly as he sat down anyway, a large hand extended to you.

“Jay,” he introduced himself, nodding thoughtfully when you told him your name and holding on to your hand for a split second longer than what was comfortable. And even though it was clear that he’d been sitting in the wrong seat, at Na Jaemin’s end-of-year party months later, you acted shocked when he told you about how he’d forgotten to put his contacts in that morning. Nonetheless, he continued sitting next to you in that class for the rest of the semester.

From your current seat in the library, you watch him curiously, wondering if he might look over again. For two minutes, he leans against a shelf in the reference section, completely unaware of his audience (you) as he types on his phone. You can’t take your eyes off him until the sudden vibration of your phone startles you, your hand reaching for it immediately thinking (hoping?) it might be a text from him.

yj: hockey mixer tn 

yj: what are you guys wearing 

You feel relieved to see that it’s just Yunjin in the group chat, though, as you read the messages, you struggle not to roll your eyes seeing that she (captain of the hockey team) is still trying to convince you (non-member of the hockey team) to go to the hockey mixer. By the looks of things, the field hockey team is the last to take advantage of the space that the student union building has to offer. Functioning as a nightclub over the weekend (and on select weeknights), The U is the place to be if you’re looking for a good time for a good price.

Unlike the other club parties, tonight’s hockey mixer is Yunjin’s answer to concerns raised by members of the students’ union about binge drinking on campus. According to her: “A mixer is an informal gathering where people mingle, interact, and get to know each other. And a party is,” she paused, fixing her eyes on the ceiling as if waiting for divine inspiration to strike. “Fun.” She didn’t seem pleased when you asked if this meant that the mixer would be boring and eventually confessed that the hockey party would be a mixer in name only.

You lock your phone without responding and lift your gaze back to references only to find that Jay is gone; stuck to the part of the bookshelf he was leaning on, you notice a lopsided poster featuring two crossed field hockey sticks and a ball over a green gradient, and a chill runs down your spine. If Yunjin is one thing, she’s bad at graphic design persistent. 

Unfortunately, in all your time spent not working, you find that your laptop hasn’t begun doing your research paper for you, and the Google Doc looks exactly the same as it did when you last edited it one hour ago, with only the intro from the UN’s Sustainable Development Goals website pasted into it. In the bottom left corner of your screen, a white box tells you that it’s 467 words long, and, feeling a rare bout of motivation, you get to work paraphrasing and attempting to condense the text.

As morning turns into afternoon, the library starts to get busier and busier, and despite the low hum of several different conversations creeping in through your earphones, you’ve gotten into a flow with your work and don’t let anything distract you. That is until Jay himself lets his backpack thud onto the table across from you, brows raising a little at the sudden noise, before pulling out the chair and sitting down. 

“Need a study buddy?” he asks, a tentative hand on the zipper of his jacket. 

You take a moment to observe him; the way he asked to join you after having already joined you, settling into the seat before you’d had a chance to say anything. A part of you wants to say “no,” just to see how he reacts, but, with a smile on your face, you take out your earphones and say, “Sure.” 

A grin spreads over his lips as he mumbles the word sweet, shrugging off the oversized coat and letting it drape over the back of his chair, revealing a chunky pair of headphones sitting around his neck and a thin gold chain with a hook pendant on it. His dark hair sits flat on his forehead and he rakes a hand through it twice before taking a textbook out of his bag. He doesn’t touch it, though. Instead, he lets his elbows rest on the table in front of him, biceps flexing slightly under his sleeves as he crosses his forearms. “What are you working on?” he asks.

“A report on the integration of renewable technology in buildings, for my sustainable development class.” 

Jay hums, brows raising slightly. “Renewable tech like solar panels and shit, right?” 

“Right.” 

Another grin, pretty, sincere. “It’s cool you’re getting to learn about the stuff you care about,” he tells you, and even if you hadn’t been looking at him, you’d have been able to hear the smile in his voice, light, sweet. Jay is sweet. The statement trickled out of his mouth so simply, so casually, a small detail that you have to rack your brain to recall sharing with him; still just as attentive as you remember. “Really.”

“Yeah,” you nod, smiling too. “Exactly.” 

There’s a distinct comfort that rolls off of Jay in waves as the two of you chat, and the scene feels familiar. It’s reminiscent of the nights you’d spend together last term, at a table like this one with the notes from your shared Property Law lecture sprawled out in front of you while pretending to study. The two of you would find anything else to talk about, and constantly received dirty looks from the laughter you’d struggle to stifle. 

It’s not until Jay reaches for his textbook that you properly check it out, and as a non-fashion student, you’re not expecting to know what subject he’s studying but you’re pretty sure that Nutrition, Energy, and Human Performance are not part of his curriculum. “Excercise Physiology?” you ask, reading its title.

“I picked it up earlier for Sunghoon. He’s at the rink all morning,” he nods.

“So why are you studying it?”

Jay laughs, shifting in his seat. “It’s, like, the only thing I have in my backpack. I just came over here ‘cause I wanted to say hey.” 

It takes everything in you not to say “aww” out loud; his sweetness palpable, his smile contagious, and his eyes so bright and warm that your heart soars in your chest when you look at them. “Hey,” you say after a beat. 

“Hey,” he chuckles. “How was your break?” 

“It was good! I went home for a week, or so, and then I got bored and came back to hang out with Chaewon,” you tell him, grinning despite yourself at the memory of poorly mixed cocktails and days spent lounging by the pool at her family’s holiday home. “85% of the summer was just us running around being stupid.” 

“And the other 15?” 

You feel more than a little awkward about telling him that you spent the other 15% fooling around with Jaemin, so with a forced smile you tell him, “Just more running around being stupid.” Hopefully, he can’t sense your mild discomfort and thinks you’re scratching your neck because it’s itchy and not because of the slight guilt you feel. “How was yours?” 

“Minus Chaewon, I had, like, the exact same break.” He pauses, breaking out into the widest grin you’ve ever seen. “Oh, and I went to the Yuuri show! It was crazy.” He runs a hand through his hair, sitting up a little straighter in his seat. “I was gonna text you but I didn’t wanna bother you during break or anything.” 

“Oh,” you say, dragging the vowel. “Right. So you’re bothering me during term time instead?” You tease, though with the way Jay’s eyes widen and his brows knit together, it doesn’t seem like he’s caught on to your joking tone. “I’m kidding, tell me all about it,” you add as quickly as you can manage, a huge smile on your face. 

Relief washes over you as Jay laughs, his shoulders shaking, and his nose crinkling, showing off the scar across its bridge that you’ve come to like so much. After calming down, he watches you carefully, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. “Right,” he finally says, taking a breath before talking with excitement and at great length about the concert. 

But it isn’t without slight interruption: Jay’s phone vibrates against the table a few times, and he ignores it, eventually turning it on do not disturb before squinting at you. “You’re not allowed to laugh. Pinky promise me you won’t laugh.” He holds his hand out to you, wagging his pinky finger in your face. There’s a smile on his lips when you link your finger with his, his skin rough against your own when he squeezes your pinky. As much as his tight grip is starting to hurt, you (unsuccessfully) fight off a smile when you realise that the two of you are effectively holding hands. 

“I’m not gonna laugh,” you promise.

A beat passes before Jay lets out a chuckle. “That’s my girl,” he says, voice low as if he didn’t want you to hear him. You wish you didn’t hear him. 

When you try to let go, he doesn’t budge, only easing up a little so he’s not cutting off your circulation anymore; just holding it lightly with his. Across the table from you, struggling to meet your eyes, Jay wears a sheepish look. “He threw his pick out into the crowd at the end of the show, and I caught it!” he tells you, looking away. “And I cried..” His voice thins out into practically nothing though you think you hear the words “home,” and “Heeseung,” before he stops talking completely. 

Jay’s sentimental side has tugged at your heart for as long as you’ve known him, and given the way he’d sobbed quietly in his seat at the cinemas when you’d gone out to watch a late showing of Spider-Man 2 together, you find it easy to imagine him welling up over catching Yuuri’s guitar pick. 

For some reason, much like the tears he’d shed over Peter Parker, you find the thought quite cute, and a smile teases at the corners of your mouth as you make a mental note to finally listen to some Yuuri songs later on. Jay looks at you expectantly, and before you have the chance to speak his phone starts to ring, vibrating incessantly against the table, though Jay doesn’t take his eyes off of you. 

“Do you need to get that?” you ask, unable to suppress the snort that makes its way out. 

Jay shakes his head. “You promised me. You’re still promising me,” he says, lips curving into a frown as he makes a show of waving your still-linked hands.  

“No, it’s cute that you cried.” 

He seems shocked by this. “Really?” 

“A little.” 

His mouth falls open in a silent gasp as he furrows his brows at you. “A li—” He’s cut off by his phone vibrating once again, and he releases your pinky to check it. Jay sighs lightly, reading the messages from his screen and picking up the textbook. “Sorry, Hoon’s on my ass about this thing. I gotta go.” 

Disappointment weighs lightly on your shoulders at his words, though you do feel better when you see the little pout on his lips, hoping that it means he doesn’t want your conversation to end either. “I get it,” you say, shooting him a smile that you hope is convincing as he puts the book in his bag before pulling his jacket back on, and standing up from his seat. 

“I’ll text you,” he says cheerfully, waving at you before leaving. He looks over his shoulder a few moments later, waving again with the same smile from earlier on his face. 

You can’t help but watch as he retreats, captivated by the air of confidence he somehow exudes even without showing his face, until he disappears into the mix of students by the entrance, becoming just another bag and shoulders in the crowd. 

Without Jay to chat to, the idea of sitting in the library becomes jarring, and suddenly it’s time for you to leave too. You don’t hesitate to grab your phone when it vibrates twice next to you, an odd combination of the relief from earlier and slight disappointment hitting you when you see that it’s Yunjin — texting you directly this time. 

yj: if you wanna ignore me turn off read receipts 

yj: open bar for girls on the team

you: sounds like the hockey girls are gonna have a good night

yj: i’ll get you a jacket

you: don’t bother i’m not going. 

SWANG rattles through tinny speakers in the student union and with every free drink you knock back, it gets harder and harder to pretend to Yunjin that you’re not having a good time. The team jacket she snagged for you and Chaewon to share fits a little big over your shoulders as you conclude that Number 20 is a lot more popular than you thought if the vaguely disappointed look on many faces when they see your face is anything to go by. 

Sitting in a booth towards the back of The U, you and Yunjin mumble along to the song with a shot in each hand as she starts a countdown from 3! and you wonder whether or not you’ll be able to make it to class in the morn—2!—ing given how much you’ve had to drink and how much of the night is still left to happen 1! The formerly rancid tequila goes down like water the first time around, and gets caught in your throat the second time. 

“I’m so happy you came tonight!” she yells in your ear, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, choosing to gush while you cough into the crook of your elbow. “I always have the most fun with you but you never come out.” Her drunkenness is evident in the slightly higher pitch that her words take on and the way most of the consonants come out almost the same way the vowels do. 

As sweet as she’s being, you can’t ignore the alarms blaring in your head hearing that your best friend would describe going out (at least) two nights a week as “never” going out, but you chuckle along anyway, locking your hand with hers. 

With a smile on his face, Lee Jeno brings Chaewon back to the booth in one piece, ruffling her hair a little before raising a hand to salute you and Yunjin, and disappearing back into the crowd. 

“The period at the end of that last text almost convinced us,” she says as she takes her seat beside you. “But I new your little crush on Jay wouldn’t let you miss a chance to see him.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

Chaewon rolls her eyes, backing a shot before leaning over you to get closer to Yunjin. “She’s pretending again.” 

With a scoff, Yunjin unlocks her phone and pulls up her camera roll to an album titled with an unfortunately cute ship name. “I can’t stop thinki–” You cut her off, snatching the phone from her hands and placing it under your thigh. 

“Okay, okay,” you relent, letting your head fall back as you groan. “I may have had a.. thing for him last semester but I’m over it now.” 

“Do you think he’ll swipe up if I post a song he likes?” Chaewon reads between laughs. 

Flustered, you sink into your seat after hearing the text that you sent two nights ago, hoping with all your might that the booth will open up to swallow you whole. 

To your utter devastation, it does not. 

The universe chooses to soothe you in a different way by sending an angel Kazuha to drag you all out onto the dance floor. With intertwined hands, the four of you “excuse me” and “sorry” your way over to where Sakura and her friend Mark are dancing a little closer than usual with one another. 

His hands are on her hips as he holds her back to his front, the two of them grinding to the music, but she’s quick to smack his hands off of her and break away from him when she sees you guys approaching. Using a hand to push hair out of her face, Sakura laughs at nothing, smacking Mark’s chest playfully while he glues his eyes to the floor. 

“We missed you at pres,” you say, wrapping her in a hug. 

“Right, sorry, Mark had a thing at his place!” 

Despite understanding why she does, you ignore Chaewon when she nudges you at the mention of Mark and his place before hugging him too, agreeing when he says that you guys should come next time. 

The six of you form a circle after greeting one another, jumping around while yelling obnoxiously to the music blaring into your ears. Over Mark’s shoulder, you see Jay nodding at a friend before leaving the clu—“I’m actually gonna go get some air,” you blurt out. “Alone!” you add before Yunjin can offer to come with. 

Despite the way the breeze nips at your legs, the fresh air is a welcome slap in the face when it hits you; the previously ear-splitting music reduced to a pathetic mumble now that you’re outside. A few girls that you recognise from some of your classes stand opposite the, now short, entry queue, waving you towards them and blowing cigarette smoke over their shoulders. You shake your head when they offer you a draw, though (against your better judgement) you do accept a few hits of a polar menthol flavoured juul while chatting distractedly about your “new spot” on the hockey team and trying to find Jay — which doesn’t take you very long.

Not too far from where you’re standing, he leans against the building’s grey brick while looking at his phone. Its OLED display casts a slight glow over his features, showing off the crease of his brow, the slope of his nose, and the tiny little pout set on his lips as he types. 

You can’t help but stare as Jimin and Minjeong plan the rest of their night, which includes afters at Yizhuo’s if she doesn’t pass out, and extend an invitation to you and your friends — “I mean, we’re still gonna go. She’ll probably need us more if she does,” Minjeong says, stubbing out a cigarette under her shoe before both girls head inside. 

Waving goodbye, you let yourself find Jay again and take a deep breath. For a moment, you attempt to strategise in the way you and the girls always do together. A few possibilities play out in your head and right when you think you’ve found a good opener—“Hello!” You find yourself saying as you stumble walk over to him.

As you’ve come to expect, his mouth curves into a smile when he looks up at you. “Hello,” he says, laughing through the word. In the short time it takes you to reach him, and lean about an arm’s length away on the same wall, he slips his phone into his jacket pocket. “Since when are you a hockey girl?” 

With a smile of your own, you roll up your left sleeve to refer to a watch that you’re not wearing. “It’s been a few hours.”

Jay’s teeth press down on his bottom lip as he chuckles, before mumbling an apology and pulling his phone back out. You don’t mean to peek at his screen when he opens the messages app, but you do anyway. And can’t help but feel bad at the sight of your name at the top of the second message thread — the memory of Yunjin taking your phone so you couldn’t text back forcing your stomach to turn a little. 

Lifting your gaze back up to him, you sort of hate how pretty he looks as he ruffles his hair before putting his phone back in his pock—You turn your head immediately, finding sudden interest in the lamp post that irregularly flickers a pale yellow over his shoulder. For a split second, it seems like you managed to stare at him without being caught, but if the little laugh he lets out is anything to go by, your neck jerk wasn’t as subtle as you’d hoped. 

“You’re cute,” he grins, stepping a little closer. “It suits you.”

It’s a struggle to backtrack and remember what the two of you were even talking about as the faint scent of his cologne hits your nostrils. “F-field hockey?” you offer. 

“The jacket,” he clarifies, a sweet laugh slipping past his lips as he speaks. 

“Ohh, you too.”

He cocks his head to the side. “You think this suits me?” 

His hand comes to one side of his denim jacket, holding it out slightly and allowing you to catch a proper whiff of his cologne and a glimpse of his bare shoulder. You worry a little about what might come out of your mouth if you open it, deciding for everyone’s sake just to nod and pray that he’ll leave the damn jacket alone. 

“It’d probably look better on you.” 

An audible smile tugs at your lips. “No way.” You shake your head, trying and failing to keep your giggles to yourself.

“You wanna prove me wrong?”

With a tilt of your head, you turn the offer around in your mind; a pros and cons list starting to take shape. 

Pros: getting to wear Jay’s jacket, having an almost permanent reason to keep chatting with him throughout the night, and getting to see Jay in a vest — arguably the biggest pro of them all, given the amount of IG stories he’s posted in the gym recently.

Con: losing free drinks privileges; which doesn’t really seem like a huge deal because Chaewon can just wear the hockey jacket and get drinks for you like she’s been doing for half of the night so far. 

Under the weight of Jay’s stare, you shift on your feet, realising that he’s clearing his throat for the second time since he stopped speaking and you still haven't said anything. “But then I’d have to pay for my drinks,” you say in an attempt not to seem too eager. The words slur a bit on their way out, though you’re too caught up in the way Jay’s lips tug into a grin to fuss over it. 

“Not if you stick wi—” He stops short, cut off by a voice from a few metres away. “Jongsaaaaaaeeeeeeng!” it yells. And if not for his silver head of hair, you’d never have believed it was Park Sunghoon screaming like that. 

“Poor guy kept icing himself,” Lee Heeseung calmly explains, walking ahead of Sunghoon and, what looks like, Sim Jake who’ve been giggling with one another since the cry left the younger’s mouth. 

Despite not knowing Sunghoon very well, from what you’ve heard about him, it’s easy to imagine him hiding bottles of Smirnoff Ice to ice one of his friends, only to lose track of where he’d put them and find them himself later on, thinking one of his friends was icing him. The thought makes you stifle your laughter; you like the fact that Jay laughs too. 

Before dapping Jay up, Heeseung offers him the confiscated Smirnoff Ice that Sunghoon had made quite a dent in, only shrugging when he declines. Jay watches as his friend wraps an arm around your shoulder in a polite side hug while asking if you want to finish the “smice”. You let a beat pass before telling him that you’ll think about it. 

For a while, you listen as he fills Jay in on what he missed at pres, smiling at Jake and Sunghoon as they get closer, and wondering when it would be appropriate if at all, to introduce yourself to the three boys that you’ve only ever walked by at parties or on campus. You find a window when the two arrive, waving a little when you tell them your name. 

Jake’s lips curve into what looks like a smirk as he looks over at you. “We know,” he says, eyes darting quickly over to Jay before looking back at you.

Sunghoon says nothing. 

The boys are quick to get back to their conversation, and Heeseung glances in Jay’s direction, nodding his head before making a show of unscrewing the cap on the smice and skying it. After an impressive chug, he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, holding up the empty bottle like a trophy before putting it in the bin. 

With a slight frown, you realise that you didn’t even get to tell him that you didn’t want it. 

There’s a grin on his face as he wraps his arms around Jake and Sunghoon’s shoulders. “See you guys in there!” he says before guiding the two boys away and into the club.

With the two of you on your own again, you become hyperaware of your proximity, of the fact that if you moved your hand even a centimetre it would brush his. The heat from his body is dizzying, and with his body leaning down towards you, Jay is already watching you when you look up at him. His lips rest in a small smile that only widens at the sight of your face, seeming unbothered that you’d caught him staring. That it wouldn’t take much to bridge the gap between your faces. Between your lips.  

“The offer still stands,” he says. “To wear my jacket and drink for free.” 

A somewhat familiar 808 beat rattles through tinny speakers in the student union.Jay’s jacket fits pretty big over your shoulders as you try not to say anything ridiculous while he holds your hand, leading you through the crowd. Now that your hands are actually clasped, the butterflies you’d felt over having linked fingers for a pinky promise seem silly, completely eclipsed by the feeling of your heart clattering against your ribs. After every few steps, he looks over his shoulder at you, your cheeks burning hotter and hotter with each smile he throws your way.

Upon your return to the booth, you drop the team jacket in Chaewon’s lap, praying that your friends won’t say anything about Jay or the fact that you’re wearing his jacket — or the fact that despite having reached your friends safely the two of you are still holding hands. By the looks of things it seems as though telling her to move up isn’t enough of a signal to her that you’d like to sit down; though maybe she’s just too busy trying to shrug the jacket back on to move up. You tell yourself that she’s just too busy trying to shrug the jacket back on to move up. 

Chaewon wears a wicked grin on her face, making no effort to be discreet about staring at your intertwined fingers. “YN? Why aren’t you dancing? You love this song!” she says, opening her mouth to wink obnoxiously at you and nudging Yunjin.

“I don’t know this song,” you say, liking the way Jay laughs beside you, squeezing your hand a little. 

For reasons unbeknownst to you, Yunjin sees this as the best opportunity to chime in, tilting her head before saying, “Whaaaaaaat? This is your favourite song! Trust me, Jay, she loves this song!” 

“And she’s such a good dancer,” Chaewon adds. “Have you seen her dance, Jay?” 

You stand around dumbly, mouthing the word “stop,” at your friends and leaning up towards Jay when he leans down to you. “How about a drink?” he asks with a voice as smooth as velvet, soft lips grazing the shell of your ear. 

“Please.” 

After telling the girls that you’ll be back, and flipping them off with your free hand, you let Jay lead you back through the dance floor to the bar, letting an elbow rest on its surface. When you look at him, he’s watching you, his lips quirked up ever so slightly while he does so. 

Letting your nails drum against the bar, you smile back. “Sorry about my friends,” you say, unsure as to why you’re apologising but feeling like it’s the right thing to say. 

“Sorry about your friends?” Jay asks. He grins. “Sorry about mine.”

You want to tell him that you liked his friends, that they seemed nice. Even though Sunghoon didn’t speak, and Heeseung finished the drink he offered you before you even had a chance to let him know that you wanted it. But he’s already distracted. 

His eyes scan the bottles that line the shelves behind the bar, and you busy yourself doing the same thing, the sight of almost every rum brand bringing up memories of past nights out with your friends. Two palm trees on a white bottle of “MarkLeebu” leave you suppressing your laughter as you think about Sakura’s friend falling asleep - standing up - against the wall of a club after drinking two bottles of Malibu to himself on a dare. 

Jay’s breath fans your ear when he speaks, “What are you having?” 

“A jäger bomb.” 

With a nod, he orders your drink and a whiskey for himself, and as per his suggestion, the two of you toast “to third year” before drinking. 

Jay makes good on his promise. One shot becomes two becomes three, and a cocktail in a comically large pitcher before you wake up the next morning to Sakura hogging the duvet, and no memory of anything beyond sitting down at the bar. 

While lying on your back you curse two versions of yourself: the first for leaving the window open before you left, and the second for having so much to drink. Staring up at the ceiling, you attempt to go over your interactions with Jay using a fine-tooth comb to figure out just how badly you humiliated yourself last night. Given the fact that you don’t remember what happened after 1 a.m. (or so), this doesn’t take too long, and the corners of your lips quirk up into a smile as you think about the way his hand felt in yours. 

Your memory tells you that he smiled a lot, but this seems like an insignificant detail because Jay always smiles a lot. There was a pitcher. A big one. Inside it was a vibrant, sweet, too cheap to be true cocktail that you sipped, blinked, and opened your eyes to find yourself in bed. The unaccounted-for period fills you with a visceral sense of dread, leaving you unsure if you shiver because of the temperature in your room or out of sheer embarrassment. 

The notifications you find on your phone only make you feel more nervous, so you cover your eyes with your hand before checking them. You were mentioned in Chaewon’s Instagram story (which means you behaved catastrophically), and you have a text from Jay (which .. well you’re not quite sure what to make of this). Through the gap in your fingers, you start by looking at the story, uncontrollable butterflies in your stomach from what you see. A picture (on close friends) of you sitting in Jay’s lap with his arms wrapped around your wairs, and his chin resting on your shoulder; the two of you donning wide grins with THESE TWOOOOOOO 😍😍😍 written over it. 

Jay’s text is simple yet sweet: hope u got home okay, was realy nice getting to chill w u again &lt;3. You don’t even realise that you’re giggling until Sakura stirs next to you. 

you: i did thank uuuuuuu

you: sorry if i was weird though haha 

You say. Although all things considered, you can’t really think of anything to be haha-ing about but Jay’s reply comes so quickly that you barely have the time to dwell on this fact. “Nahhhh you were so cute dw,” he texts back. 

With your stomach doing somersaults, you turn over in the bed, burying your head in the pillow to muffle a squeal.

Sakura wakes up. 

While in the shower, you let the water hit you directly in the face for a bit with your eyes screwed tightly shut under the stream. And not a single thought occurs to you other than how cute Jay seems to think you are. 

jay: do you have class today

you: slept in

jay: L

jay: for me.. i wanted to see you again  

Your jaw falls open as you read the message, and over your shoulder, Yunjin lets out the gasp that you hadn’t been able to. “Oh, my God!” she says, watching as a cheek-aching smile creeps up on your lips. A small celebration ensues while the two of you squeal and kick your feet like children. And then your phone vibrates again.

jay: could still link if ur down?

jay: hold up 

Yunjin pulls air through her teeth. “Could still link if you’re down,” she reads before taking the phone from your hand. “Fuckboy text, ignore.” 

Knowing you’re not likely to win the argument that Jay’s not a fuckboy — even though he’s not one, you think — you roll your eyes. “So what if he’s a fuckboy?” you frown, pulling your knees to your chest. 

“If a fuckboy was supposed to be liked he’d be called a like boy,” Yunjin says as if reciting scripture. “Text Jaemin back if you want a fuckboy.” 

You don’t mean to groan out loud at her tone. “Jaemin’s not a fuckboy, he’s just.. a guy. Who.. likes to fuck.” 

The sound of the front door opening prompts you to pause the TV, and the two of you crane your necks towards the open doorway to hear what’s going on. It’s Chaewon giggling loudly before speaking. 

“Thanks for bringing me home.” 

A deep chuckle sounds through the hall. Jeno. Of course. “You’re my girl,” he says and his smile is audible through his words. “Why wouldn’t I?” 

Chaewon giggles at this too, and, pressing play on the remote, you share a look with Yunjin as you hear the beginning of a wet kiss. Brooklyn Nine-Nine gets through an entire cold open and the theme song before she – looking fresher than ever in her boyfriend’s sweatpants – joins you both on the couch. 

“What’d I miss?” she asks. 

“Yunjin thinks Jay’s a fuckboy.” 

Chaewon lets out a snort. “Well, yeah, anyone could’ve told you that, dude’s best friend is Lee Heeseung,” she says, though quickly changes her tune as if remembering her audience. “It’s all just rumours though, people see a good-looking guy who’s overly friendly and flirts with everybody, and posts obvious thirst traps to his Snapchat story, and just assume he’s a fuck boy..” she trails off, sinking a little in her seat.

Somewhat disheartened, you nod your head. “Right.” 

“So what did I miss?” Chaewon asks again, pointing at the TV this time. 

Still in Yunjin’s custody, your phone vibrates in her lap and she gasps as she reads the screen. “A reformed fuck boy?” she says, holding the phone up for you and Chaewon to read. 

jay: would you like to hang out with me later? 

You grin despite yourself, reading the message and reading it again before telling him “yes”, and later can’t come soon enough. The time slips by like molasses and you finally meet up with Jay -four decades- two hours later, with no set plan, at the library where he approaches you with Jake and a smile on his face. 

Friendly as ever, Jake chats with you and keeps a pretty smile on his lips the whole time. “If you ever have a hard time with physics or math based classes, I’ve got you,” he offers, clearly happy to hear that you’re in STEM too. 

“I’ll keep that in mind,” you tell him, grateful as you remember the tears you’d shed over a Construction Mathematics lecture last year. 

With a wave, Jake leaves the two of you alone, saying “See you later” before walking away. He excitedly glances over his shoulder to where you stand with Jay a few times. 

After telling you that he “knows a spot,” Jay takes you on a bit of a walk, successfully distracting you from the distance by keeping you talking. He listens enthusiastically while you ramble about a show you started, and you like the feeling in your chest when he says he’ll check it out. 

With a “ta-da,” Jay extends an arm to the gate in front of you. A play park. “We’re here!” he says, struggling to mask the excitement in his voice as he walks towards the empty play area. “It’s no fun when there’s kids here so I brought us the long way.” 

As you follow him through the gate, you can’t help but feel a bit nervous. The last time you’d been sober at a play park you were probably 15 or so, cutting through the park on your walk home from school with your friends. You’d spin the roundabout at lightspeed cackling at the screams of terror coming from those sitting on it, and talk about your crushes while calming down on the swings. 

Jay sits on one of the swings and watches you, and even though you’re not too sure what to talk about, you’re pretty sure confessing your crush on him as you sit next to him might send him running in the opposite direction. Instead, you clear your throat and look over at him. “So your “spot” is a play park?” you ask, using your feet to rock you back and forth. 

He pulls air through his teeth, scrunching his nose and tilting his head. “Would you prefer it if I took you to CP in the Sky?” 

If Jay had his car with him, you might have hoped for that. Most of the boys in your city who drive, including Jaemin, have been known to take girls to a spot they know. Super quiet, private, and almost as pretty as you, they’ll say, and take you up to ‘Car Park in the Sky’; the city’s most notorious hook-up spot. Though, Jaemin hadn’t exactly been secretive about wanting to hook up and actually only drove there after you’d told him about it. 

You shake your head. “The park is good, it’s great.” 

Conversation ebbs and flows between the two of you, the sounds of nature and the swings creaking keeping you company. It’s nice spending time with Jay like this. Sober. And not holed up in the library or a cafe with assignments and deadlines on your mind. 

You don’t mean to gain momentum but you do, swinging about as high as you can, gasping when you see a car over the top of a climbing frame. 

“What is it?” he asks, laughing to himself when you jump off the swing. 

“I wanna take a drive!” you call out over your shoulder, jogging over to the wooden stationary car you saw.

Jay’s footsteps sound after yours, and he grabs you by the wrist before you climb into the driver’s side. “Did you get your licence yet?” 

You shake your head, watching as his mouth falls open, bracing yourself for a lecture on how a girl of your age should be driving already. 

He looks aghast, in genuine distress before he speaks. “What makes you think I’m gonna let you drive?” Jay nods his head to the other side of the car. “Go.” 

Letting out the most exaggerated sigh you can manage, you comply, dragging your feet to the passenger side and climbing in. Jay follows suit, sitting down next to you on the small connected seat built with kids in mind, and his thigh presses up against yours. 

“Don’t be upset, everyone knows passenger princess is way more fun than actually driving.” 

And rationally, you know he’s not specifically calling you a princess but your tummy turns nonetheless. 

“Whatever,” you mumble, faking a sigh and struggling to suppress your laughter when he buckles a fake seat belt. Jay gives you a disapproving look when you don’t move to do the same. “Are you serious?” 

“As a heart attack,” he says solemnly, though you can see the smile teasing at his lips. “Better safe than sorry, that’s what I always say.” 

There’s nothing behind his words, no hidden meaning but you read into them anyway, hoping he can’t hear the way you gulp at the thought that plagues you. For some reason, you’ve chosen this hill to die on, shrugging at him and turning to look straight ahead. 

Jay sighs dramatically, pinching the bridge of his nose before leaning over you to grab your ‘seat belt’ and buckle in by himself. He takes his time though, and the way he looks you dead in the eye makes you wish you’d just done it yourself. His face is close to yours, his breath warm against your skin, creating a welcome contrast to the cold air around you. He lingers for a beat before sitting up straight and clicking the belt into place. 

“Finally,” he whispers, putting an imaginary gear stick into reverse and draping his arm over the back of your connected seat. You can’t help but watch as he looks over your shoulders before moving the car, liking the way his side profile looks under the rapidly setting sun. Something stops him, he looks at you. “I can’t focus with you staring at me like that,” he says, taking his hand from the wheel to touch your cheek.

Your breath catches in your throat. Jay grins, gently turning your face away from him. You stare over at the roundabout and feel just as dizzy as you would have if you’d taken him up on his offer to spin you on it. 

Jay gets on with all the necessary checks before ‘starting’ the car and ‘driving’ off. “What are you thinking about?” 

It probably wouldn’t be appropriate to tell him that you’re thinking about the way it felt when he put his fingers to your cheek. Or how gentle he was with you, only pushing you a little bit and then guiding you the rest of the way. So you keep that to yourself. “The movies.” 

You hear Jay chuckling next to you. “All of them?” 

“Yeah,” you nod. “The drive-in kind. Have you been?” 

“I went once.” 

You gasp, excited. “Really? What did you see?” 

Jay thinks about it for a while. He thinks about it really hard before shaking his head, “You know, I don’t think I was paying much attention.” 

“You spent all that money on a ticket and didn’t even pay attention? What were you doing?” The words rush out before you can stop them and you cringe a little thinking about the possible answers. 

He turns his gaze back out on the road. “Sleeping,” he mumbles, swallowing thickly. 

You wish you could go back in time to stop yourself from asking, finding an answer to the question: “Is it better to speak or to die?” 

“Hey, we can go to the drive-in right now! I just need to put this thing in park and we can watch any movie you want!” he says, stopping the car and turning as much as he can in his seat to face you. “Any movie that’s available with a Netflix subscription!” he adds, smiling when you do. 

Cramped together in the front seat of the stationary car, the two of you watch The Devil Wears Prada and get about halfway through before Jay’s phone hits 10% — and it’s probably the best movie watching experience you’ve ever had.  

You take Jay up on his offer to walk you home, and he chats with you about the movie, telling you how much he thinks it totally blows that Miranda Priestly isn’t a real person that he can work for after graduation, but he seems happy enough when you suggest that he could become Miranda Priestly.  

Reaching the familiar crossing by the student union, you look up at him. “If it’s easier, you can just head your way from here. I can literally see my building,” you offer, feeling bad about him walking so far out of his way. 

Jay scoffs like it’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. “I’m not gonna make you walk by yourself.” 

“It’s barely five minutes,” you tell him, shaking your head. “You don’t have to.” 

“YN?” 

“Hm?”

A pretty smile spreads across his lips. “I want to, let’s go.” And Jay hardly gets to start telling you about his upcoming mock trial before you reach your flat. 

“This is me,” you say, pointing at the door to your building. 

He lets out a dry chuckle. “You’re kidding.”

You shake your head. He frowns, looking terribly cute with his lips turned down like that. Though it doesn’t last for long and he raises his brows when you gasp. “You know, we came from a place I’ve never been before, and I’m starting to think this might be the wrong street,” you say, struck by the sudden realisation. “We should probably walk around the block a couple more times, just to really be sure.” 

Listening to your words, Jay beams at you and it’s heavenly. “I heard it can actually take, like, 4 or 5 walks around the block if you want 100% certainty.” 

“Oh yeah,” you giggle. “I think I’ve heard that too. Should we make it 6?” 

“Perfect.” 

To your surprise, you’d both been wrong. As it would turn out, the required number of, very slow, walks around a student housing complex to be 100% sure, completely beyond a shadow of a doubt that you’re at the right place is ten.

“Hey, uh, how about we do one more lap? Just to make sure? For the absolute best measure,” Jay suggests, eyes twinkling under the streetlamp. He almost looks a little nervous, burying his hands in his pockets as he watches you. 

“Sounds good.”

Just like your last few walks around the student housing block, fallen leaves rustle under your footsteps, and the back of Jay’s hand still brushes against yours, but this time feels different. Maybe because there’s a finality to this; the last lap. You couldn’t possibly ask him to spend any more time walking around here. Could you? 

“This neighbourhood is so cute, all the student apartments clustered together like this, I love it,” he says, looking over at you.

“It’s nice knowing that some of my friends, and the people I like partying with, live so close, but it’s always so noisy around here,” you tell him, continuing when he doesn’t speak. “‘Cause it’s all just a bunch of 18–20–somethings that live here, and The U’s just down the street. The noise is fun when I’m part of it, but when I’m studying or just trying to sleep it’s annoying.” 

“Don’t you think it’s kinda cool though? There’s always something happening. So even if the girls aren’t down to go out, you’re not exactly short on plans.”

You’d never really thought of it like that. Probably because Yunjin is always down to go out. But you like the way he puts it. You nod, reminded of your classmates who live in the building right next to where you’re walking. “Yeah, I should probably text Minjeong more.” 

“And if not you can always hit me and see what I’m doing,” he says at the same time. 

You stop walking, and your heart — feels like it — stops beating. 

Jay, noticing this, stands in front of you, hands help up defensively as he shakes his head. “You don’t have to do that, obviously. I just thought it’d be cool if you weren’t doing anything and I wasn’t doing anything, maybe we could link and do nothing together,” he explains. “I’m stupid, sorry.”

This might be the first time you’ve ever heard Jay ramble like this, and your heart does a twirl just seeing his worried expression. “I think if I’m not doing anything, and you’re not doing anything, then it’d be cool for us to link and do nothing together, Jay,” you smile, liking the way he visibly relaxes, his shoulders falling slightly and an exhale curling out of his mouth and into the air.

“Cool.” 

When, for the 11th time, you reach your building, you turn to Jay and hesitate a little, unsure of what to say. Glancing at him, it looks as though he’s feeling the same way. A silence falls over the two of you. 

Finally, Jay speaks. “Goodnight,” he says, pulling you into a hug. 

Despite your surprise, you wrap your arms around his waist, holding him close. You hope he can’t feel the way your heart is racing. Or the way it starts to pick up when you catch a whiff of his scent. Warm and cosy, tempting in a strange way that you can’t quite put your finger on but you like all the same. 

When Jay lets go of you, you look up at him almost instinctively. You don’t mean to stare at his lips but you do, gulping at how close they are. You want to kiss him. Not any more than usual, but the urge is there. “Goodnight,” you say, taking a step back and walking up the path to the door.

Using your key fob, you unlock the door, turning to look over your shoulder and thankfully finding Jay still standing there, watching you with a stomach-turning smile on his face. “I had a really nice time tonight,” you say, smiling back. 

“Yeah?”

You nod. “We should hang out more.”

“I think so too.” 

“Cool,” you smile, biting your lip. “Goodnight, Jay.” 

“Goodnight, YN.” 

“Could you, text me? When you get home, so I know you’re, like, safe.” 

Jay beams at you, nodding his head. “Of course.” 

After a week (eleven days) of texting and hanging out with Jay when you can, you find yourself spending 3 hours of your Friday afternoon taking notes in your Sustainable Development lecture, and coming to the realisation that none of the course content is relevant to the report you’re trying to get through. 

Seeing Jay leaning on the wall outside your class when you leave is a welcome surprise; he wears a thin pair of glasses and a smile that makes your heart stutter a bit as he stands up straighter, greeting you when he sees you and quickly falling into your step. “I meant to ask you earlier, are you going to the game on Saturday?” A beat passes. “Football,” he clarifies. “First home game of the season.” 

“Maybe if my friends are going.” 

Jay seems to think about this for a moment as you round the corner at the end of the corridor and he holds the door to the stairwell open. “After you.” 

You mumble a thank you and count six steps before he speaks again. 

“I’m going,” Jay informs you, his hand meeting the back of his neck to scratch awkwardly at it. “I mean, I’m gonna be on the pitch but.. I’ll be there.” 

A breathy laugh slips from your lips at this added information; how sweet of the football team’s captain to let you know that he’ll be at his team’s football game on Saturday. “I’ll keep that in mind.” 

“I just think it’d be cool to see a friendly face in the crowd when I score the winning goal.” 

Given Jay’s unending kindness, you imagine that most of the faces in the crowd — or at least the ones from your uni — will be friendly, especially if he scores the winning goal. The thought causes a smile to itch at your lips as you consider that maybe he means that it’d be cool to see your friendly face in the crowd. And who could say no to that? 

The rest of the conversation goes smoothly and Jay slows down when you reach the second floor. “I have some admin shit to work out, but I’ll see you at the game?” he asks, watching you with hopeful eyes and chewing on his bottom lip.

Knowing full well that you’ll be there, you pretend to think about it for a moment. “Maybe.”

Jay chuckles at this, tilting his head. “Please?” 

“Maybe,” you repeat, despite already planning your outfit. Did you wash your white shirt or will you be doing laundry tonight? You wave at Jay when he waves and make your way down the rest of the stairs while clicking mindlessly through Instagram stories. 

Nothing interests you until you reach IG user onyourm__ark's story; a picture of IG user 39saku_chan in his football jersey. You hit the like button and pretend to believe that the song choice (Infrunami by Steve Lacy) was made purely out of sheer enjoyment of the artist’s early work.

With a smile on your face, you text the group chat to solidify your weekend plans.

you: are u going to the football game tmrw

cw: not even if u paid me

yj: hard no

yj: i’m going to the party AFTER the game though

yj: why?

you: it’s nothing dw

cw: ???

you: jay invited me..

The chill of October’s first evening is unkind on your face as you sit amongst the rowdiness of drunk uni kids, cheering and groaning in unison as the game trudges on, and somehow Kazuha manages to sleep through it all with her head on your shoulder. 

“Fuuuuck,” Yunjin groans, shivering in the seat next to you. “I hate sports.” 

“Says the captain of the hockey team,” you say, voice coming out muffled behind the top of your jacket.

“Playing and watching are, like, completely different.” 

You’re sure Yunjin’s right, she has to be, but you have to admit that there’s something more than slightly entertaining about watching a group of boys chasing a ball around and yelling expletives at one another, all while number 99 keeps a huge grin on his face, laughing at his teammate’s temper. Or lack thereof. 

However, the novelty wears off at around 8:45 when the ref calls for half-time; a chill runs down your spine as you’re struck with the realisation that university football games are full-length. But other than Yunjin’s teasing, there’s no use pretending that you hate the sight of Jay lifting the bottom of his shirt to wipe the sweat from his face.

As the players retreat from the pitch and some students start to clear the stands, Yunjin gets up to stretch. She hums along to the song playing while you watch from your seat with aching knees, slightly envious and trying not to move too much and wake up Kazuha who sleeps soundly on your shoulder. 

With her arms above her head, Yunjin lets out a yawn. “I can’t believe I’m saying this but I’d really rather be doing a reading for marketing than be here any longer.”

“And I’d rather be helping you out,” you say, frowning a little when Kazuha stirs. “Hey, what do you think they do during half-time?” you ask distractedly. 

She thinks about it for a beat, eyes flicking to the pitch before looking back to you. “We usually strategise, use the bathroom, get water — quick things like that,” she says, raking a hand through her hair, watching as you shift a little in your seat to get your phone from your pocket when it vibrates. “They have a lot longer than we do though.” 

jay: are you having fun?

you: yeah you guys are great, good game so far :)

Yunjin scrunches up her nose as she reads the exchange. “God, you’re so boring,” she sighs, taking the phone from your hands, and typing something before showing the screen to you. 

“We should link at the party later,” you read, scoffing as you take it back and delete the message. “I’d never say that.” In those words. 

jay: hahaha i think you might be my good luck charm 

A dramatic gasp comes from a now-awake Kazuha. “Don’t reply!” 

You heed this advice, joining her as she stands up to stretch as well. 

“Look how much fun they’re having,” Kazuha sighs, pointing over at Sakura and Chaewon in their seats close to the pitch. They dance along to the music blaring through the speakers and laugh so loudly you can hear them despite their distance. “Why didn’t we join them?” 

You think about it for a bit, filled with regret. “At the time, pregaming before the game and then pregaming again before the party seemed intense but..” you trail off, watching your friends clutch their stomachs in laughter. “Next time.” 

“Next time,” Kazuha repeats, slouching in her seat. “I’m clearing your drink supply when we get back.” There’s a frown on her face when she speaks but she’s quick to perk up at the sound of your text tone, grabbing the phone for herself. 

jay: are you coming tn? got a feeling that congrats will be in order

you (technically kazuha): wouldn’t miss it !!! 

“Three exclamation points? I’m not that desperate,” you say defensively, nudging her in the ribs. 

As if on cue, Yunjin reads another text. “I saw his notes again, his handwriting is so cute and ugly, agh I’m literally clutching my chest, he’s perfect,” she says, her voice high-pitched and mocking. 

Hearing your typed words out loud from someone else’s mouth is troubling, especially because “It never seems that bad when I’m typing,” you frown, immediately checking your phone when it goes off. 

jay: awesome :) see u there 

jay: !!!

The game’s second half goes by much quicker and in the end, they lose 5-3, leaving you and Yunjin struggling to keep your laughter to yourselves at the sight of the FIRST W OF THE SEASON banner hanging up in the living room of the house that most of the footballers share. With linked arms, the two of you make your way to the kitchen to get something to drink. Already feeling the buzz from pregaming, you settle on a cup of lemonade which Yunjin rolls her eyes at. 

“Shut up,” you say, eyeing her over the rim of your cup. 

Yunjin holds her hands up defensively, spilling a few drops of her tequila-vodka concoction. “I didn’t even say anything.” For a couple of minutes, you pretend to listen as Yunjin tries to come up with a game plan for the night, nodding and humming along when she pauses, and trying to decipher the animal code names she’s using. A gasp. “I see him! Black cat and penguin sitting out on the half wall.” 

You watch as she leans over the sink to get a closer look out of the window. “I feel like saying exactly where they are makes the code names redundant.” 

“I feel like you’re redundant.” A beat passes. “Just be yourself, and if he says something funny, laugh and put your hand on his bicep while you do.” 

“Noted.”

Yunjin doesn’t let you go outside without taking a sip (or three) of the poison in her cup, and after you gag over the sink, the two of you make your way into the garden, sights set on the half wall where “black cat” now sits alone. A potent mixture of the scent of tobacco and weed hits you the second you open the back door, and the two of you leave the house to make a beeline to Jay, apparently to Yunjin’s displeasure, given the way she asks you three times to play beer pong with her when some of the basketball boys start setting up cups for the next round.

“No,” you say. Three times. 

As if sensing your presence, Jay whips his head around right before the two of you reach him, a bright smile gracing his face as he waves at you with his whole arm. He seems to glow against the darkness of the night, bright, dreamy, an unreal quality that leaves you feeling fuzzy around the edges. Jay, you think, over and over and it starts to sound made up. Jay. Jay. Jay. Until you reach him. He stands up when you guys are close enough. “You’re here,” Jay says with a smile, pulling you into a hug. With his arms around your waist, his hold is somehow both tight and gentle. Secure. Safe. 

“Hey,” you say, voice muffled by the fabric of his hoodie. A whiff of his scent hits you, flooding your senses. Fresh, citrusy, and undeniably Jay. A dizzying combination, so light, and distinctly him in a way that makes your heart beat a bit faster. 

When Jay lets go of you to hug Yunjin, you take the last sip of your drink and almost wish you’d taken her cup instead; your lemonade is sweet to the tongue but does absolutely nothing to boost your confidence. You watch as they greet each other while Jay sits back down. Standing in front of him with your arm against Yunjin’s, you feel as though you've missed the window to sit down too and opt to continue standing next to her. 

“We like your banner,” you say, pointing in the direction of the house behind him. 

Following your finger, Jay lets his head whip around towards the back of the house. Yunjin uses the time he spends looking over his shoulder to nudge you, nod her head in his direction, and mouth the word “sit” at you. So you do.

If he’s surprised to turn back around barely a second later and find you right beside him, Jay doesn’t show it. He gives you a warm smile and knocks his knee against yours before speaking. “What, first w of the season?” He tilts his head. “And here I thought you were a good luck charm, twenty,” he says with a chuckle when you nod. 

Yunjin’s brows raise, and you feel yours rise too. “Twenty?” she asks. 

“The hockey jacket,” he answers without missing a beat. “Speaking of, when’s your next game?” 

“Oh, we’re playing the Foxes next week,” Yunjin rakes a hand through her hair. “TDU, you know?” 

Jay nods, turning his attention back to you. “Can I look forward to seeing you on the field, twenty?” 

Tilting your head, you pull air through your teeth. “You know what, I actually just got benched, like, right now,” you say, liking the way Jay laughs. “I’m out for the rest of the season.” 

After clapping a hand to his mouth, Jay points at you. “Did they get you on a drunk and disorderly after the mixer?” he asks through a laugh. 

In horror, you watch while Yunjin’s head falls back with laughter as she lets out cackles that only unsettle you. “That’s exactly what happened!”

“I was not.. disorderly,” you say meekly, finding sudden interest in the hem of your skirt.

It sounds as though Jay says: “You didn’t tell her how she got back home?” though you’re finding it difficult to focus on much other than trying to recover your missed hours after the hockey mixer. 

You’ve gone on countless nights out, spent many mornings after vowing never to drink again, and, on multiple occasions, have gotten too drunk to enter the club. But even then, in the past, your memory has only ever been.. spotty, nonlinear. Never completely void for hours at a time, and it’s concerning. After tonight, you really won’t drink again. 

Except on birthdays. 

And when you go to the club. Or to parties. Or when you’re bored with the girls. But again, apart from that? Never. 

“How did I g—” you start, though Yunjin cuts you off. 

“I think Zuha’s lifting her leg again, hold on,” she groans, looking over Jay’s shoulder at the glass doors leading to the kitchen. Yunjin disappears back into the house and it’s not until you watch her slide the back door shut behind her that you remember Kazuha having too much to drink at pres and having to stay in with Chaewon. 

When you look at Jay, he watches you with knitted brows. “Kazuha’s doing what?” he asks. 

“Ballet,” you explain. He nods. 

Neither of you speak for a moment. While you chew on the inside of your cheek, you can’t help but wonder if you should’ve followed Yunjin, or if you should’ve had less to drink at the mixer. You reckon the fact that Jay’s still talking to you must mean you didn’t do anything that you can’t recover from, but you can’t shake the feeling that your trip home that night was less than pleasant. 

“Hey,” Jay says quietly, catching your attention with concern lacing his features. “What do you look so down for?” he asks. 

Though terrified of the answer, you repeat your earlier question. “How did I get home?” you ask, wondering if the Earth usually opened up to swallow people whole or if you’d have to put in a special request.

Jay licks his lips, using his hand to push your shoulder playfully. “I have no idea,” he chuckles, shaking his head. “I was talking to Yunjin at the library on Tuesday, I think, and she told me you can’t remember anything. I just wanted to freak you out.” 

You feel heat under his touch and relief from his words, though something about him talking with Yunjin seems to jostle you slightly. “Yunjin was at the library?”

Briefly, what looks like disappointment flashes across Jay’s face, replaced quickly with a pretty smile, light, playful. “You care more about Yunjin being at the library than me asking your friend about you?” he asks.

“You were asking my friend about me?” 

“Yeah, I think you’re cute,” Jay says sweetly, smiling at you in a way that makes your cheeks burn even when you look down at your lap. 

There’s something about the way he says it, so casually as if telling you the time or today’s date, that throws you off. It doesn’t make any sense to you that some of the most vivid sensations that Jay makes you feel are just that: sensations. You know that your stomach doesn’t actually have butterflies in it and that your heart isn’t really twirling in your chest, but it sure feels like it. You wonder if he also feels like that sometimes. You earnestly hope that if he does, it’s because of you.

He seems nearer than before when you look at him, and for fear that you might kiss him if he gets any closer, you bring your empty cup to your lips, lean back a little, and pretend to sip. Its emptiness isn’t lost on Jay, however, who chuckles, asking if you want a refill. While walking towards the house, you listen as he tells you what the team normally get up to during half-time (mostly strategising and pretending not to hear Heeseung’s snores), and silently beg your cheeks to cool down. His hand is heavy on the small of your back as he ushers you inside first, sliding the door shut behind him, and gently pushing you towards the kitchen island. 

You let yourself lean against the counter, ignoring the fluttering in your stomach as you watch him reach for a visibly sticky bottle of your favourite drink without asking what you’d like. Though before actually touching it, his eyes widen. “Wait, I have something for you,” he says, holding out a hand for you to take. “Come on.” 

Jay weaves his fingers with yours, leading you through the house and up the stairs into a bedroom. He closes the door gently behind you, stepping over a couple of backpacks before sitting on the end of the bed, and tugging at the zipper on one of them. 

For a moment you watch as veins appear on his hands and have to physically tell yourself to drag your eyes to anything else, eventually settling on the walls. Walls that are covered in countless glossy 4x6 prints, some shots of landscapes, groups of people, out-of-focus beer bottles and.. “You have a lot of photos of Mark Lee in here,” you comment, scanning the room around you. “And it doesn’t look like you’re.. in any of them,” you continue as you notice a grainy polaroid stuck to the wall next to the light switch — a picture of Mark making out with his best friend, Sakura “give me a break, a boy and a girl can be just friends” Miyawaki, and make a mental note to bring it up later. 

Jay glances at you as if you’re the one sleeping in a Markkura shrine. “Yeah, ‘cause it’s his room,” he chuckles. “You can sit down, you know,” he adds after a beat, moving over a bit on the bed. 

With a nod, you look at some more of the pictures as you make your way over to the spot next to him, a photo of Mark and Jake with their middle fingers to the camera catching your eye. And holding it for so long that you trip a little over one of the backpacks before sitting down and pretending nothing happened. Thankfully, Jay doesn’t seem to notice. 

“It’s not much by the way, don’t get your hopes up,” he warns, his hand still hidden by the fabric of his bag. 

“Got it.” 

Despite his earlier disclaimer, he makes a show of the whole thing. “Ta-da!” His voice is a little singsong as he brings the obje—bottle of Smirnoff Ice into view. 

“Thank you?” The bottle is cold in your hands when you take it from him, reading the ABV 4% on its label and wondering how many of these Sunghoon must have had to drink to have been stumbling the way he was that night. You also can’t help but wonder what reason Jay has for buying you a bottle and then taking you into the privacy of Mark’s bedroom to give it to you.

“Yeah,” he trails off a little, letting his hand come up to scratch the back of his neck. “You looked pretty crushed the other night when Heeseung finished that one bottle.” 

You can’t help the scoff that comes out. “Crushed? I mean, I might’ve frowned.” 

“Frowned? You were near tears, I was worried about you.” 

“Shut up.” 

“I’m serious, every time I looked at you, you had this.. upset look on your face.” 

“Well, maybe you should stop looking at me so much.”

Jay’s eyes sparkle under the light, flicking back and forth from your eyes to your lips as he brings a hand up to your face, tucking some hair behind your ear, his fingers hot on your skin, unmoving. His eyes lock with yours. “Come on,” he says in a low voice. “You know there’s no stopping that.” 

A smile tugs at your lips. Jay bites his. His gaze drops back down to your mouth. Lingers. And in what almost seems like an alcohol-induced hallucination, he leans in. Slightly. As if testing the waters. As if waiting for a sign that you want him to stop. A sign that you want him to continue. Anything. His hand is heavy on your cheek when he cups it in his palm, skin rough against yours. 

Mere inches away, Jay’s lips seem more tempting than ever. Separated only by the distance of a breath and your nerves, you try to settle yourself. To put your heart at ease. But how could you relax when he looks at you like that; his gaze soft, tender, all of his attention on y—The bottle slips from your hands, cool against your thighs, reminding you of its existence. Jay flinches when you do. 

“Let’s have a drink!” you suggest, though the absence you feel when he takes his hand from your face makes you wish you hadn’t.

“Sure.”

The cap screws off the bottle with a few satisfying clicks, and Jay, amused, shakes his head when you offer him the first sip. “After you,” he says. 

Without a second thought, the bottle touches your lips and the sweet, sweet taste of Smirnoff Ice touches your tongue, coating your mouth and leaving you wishing the alcohol content was higher. 

“Do you mind if I put my lips on it?” he asks while you pass the drink to him. 

You shake your head, determined not to think of a double meaning, and watch as his lips connect with the bottle’s opening, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat while he drinks. When Jay pulls it from his mouth, he lets his tongue dart out to wet his lips. You wonder if it will taste different in his mouth, if his lips, wet from the drink, taste as sweet as they look. 

Now that you realise you’ve shared an indirect kiss, you kick yourself for passing up the chance at a direct one, deciding that if you want him to kiss you, you’ll need to get closer. Step up your game a little. Maybe you’ll say something about his necklace, ask to get a better look.. And hopefully, he’ll take the hint and kiss you because you’re not really sure what else you could say. 

Of course, you could opt to skip words altogether, taking his face in your hands, and pressing your lips to his. You’re sure that’s what Yunjin would do. And you’re sure that would be her advice to you if you asked her.

Jay hands the bottle back to you and you close it, determined to feel his lips on yours if it’s the last thing you do. And you quickly open the bottle again, one last sip for good luck. The soft laugh he lets out is breathy, and it’s hard to tell if the heat in your stomach is coming from the drink, or from the way you see him looking at you in your peripheral. 

His straight teeth bite at his bottom lip, and he shakes his head when you offer him another sip. This time when you close the bottle, you do it for good, setting the glass on the floor so it doesn’t interrupt you again. 

“I really like your necklace,” you say, off to a good start, following the plan. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.”

“Aw.. thanks,” he says, choosing now, of all times, to stop being a conversationalist. 

In the quiet of the room, you realise that you hadn’t planned anything beyond the compliment. You let your eyes focus back on the charm hanging from his neck, trying to picture him with a fishing rod in his hand, and wellington boots on his feet. It doesn’t really work. “I didn’t realise you were so into fishing,” you blurt out, and the way he knits his brows together makes you wish you’d just grabbed him and planted a kiss on the lips he purses to the side while watching you. 

“Me?” 

“Yeah you, with your cute little hook on a chain.” 

Jay squints at you. “Hook on a chain?” he repeats. 

You let a hand reach up and press on the hook pendant on his necklace. 

His shoulders rise and fall dramatically as he sighs, his hand coming up to wrap around yours, holding it to the base of his neck as the small (not) hook warms in your fist. “Why does everybody think it’s a hook?” 

“It isn’t?” 

“It’s the letter J.” He lets go of your hand to lift the charm. “See?” 

You squint your eyes, leaning a little closer to him, gaze fixed on the little gold hook letter sitting near the base of his neck. “Ohhhh, right,” you say, but even from a few inches away, it still looks like a hook, and from this close, you can hear the way his breath hitches in his throat.

With an inhale, you find yourself lingering. Sticking around just long enough to make out the woodier notes of his cologne before moving back a little. Finally, you draw your eyes away from his neck, wanting to meet his gaze but finding yourself stuck on his lips instead. They sit slightly ajar, pink, pretty, sort of chapped in the way they always seem to be. His breath tickles your forehead. You sit straighter, noticing the way his eyes burn holes into you. 

“Quit staring,” you mumble hypocritically. 

Jay’s brows quirk up for a split second as he sits back on his hands. “I’m not.”

“You are.” 

“Well, you’d have to be staring at me to know.” 

“Do you want me to stop staring?”

He seems to consider this for a second before shaking his head. “No,” he tells you. 

“What do you want then?” Your voice is soft when you ask. 

“I wanna kiss you.” 

Jay’s lips don’t move but you hear the word “really” being spoken out into the room like a question. Your voice doesn’t feel like your own and doesn’t fully register until Jay says: “Yeah,” so softly that it’s practically a whisper. 

Jay wants.. to kiss you. You feel your breath catch in your throat and it seems even more ridiculous to think it than to have heard it from him. To see his lips move to form the words. I wanna kiss you, he’d said. You’d heard it. You’d seen it. It happened. He wants.. to kiss you. 

“Do you want me to do that?” he asks, leaning in slightly, his hand rising to cup your cheek. Slower, gentler than last time. 

You let your gaze meet his; regret flooding you immediately. Just as kind and soft as the rest of him, Jay’s eyes stare into yours, warm, and inviting, but, still, you can’t shake off your nerves. More than anything, you want to say yes; to say of course, can’t you tell? but you don’t trust yourself enough to open your mouth and speak to him. Instead, you nod, so slightly that for a moment you wonder if he even noticed. And then, there, in the dim privacy of Mark Lee’s bedroom, while your heart beats out of your chest, Jay kisses you for the first time. 

His lips are warm against yours, the sweet taste of Smirnoff Ice only amplified as he holds you close. Soft, gentle, kissing Jay is everything you’d imagined it would be. You feel as though you might melt under his touch as his hand grabs your waist to pull you closer. So close that you’re nearly in his lap as he deepens the kiss, his tongue moving along yours.

It doesn’t feel real, it can’t be. 

As if thrown by your thoughts, Jay pulls away. While attempting to form a coherent thought, you catch your breath, once again, regretting looking at him. He looks down the bridge of his nose at you with half-lidded eyes, and his pretty, pink lips sit parted, wet and plump from kissing. Jay leans in almost immediately, the moment cut short by his lips on yours once again. 

It’s tangible this time; you couldn’t possibly make up the way his hand grips your ass or the way he groans softly when you whine into his mouth. He’s real, and he’s kissing you, and you only feel yourself growing dizzier, and dizzier the longer his lips move against yours. A gasp pulls you out of it and the two of you separate.

Looking in the direction of the now open door you see Sakura and Mark hand in hand. You can’t help the slight embarrassment that hits you at first, hating that, of all people, it had to be Mark to walk in and find you making out with someone on his bed. 

Though you get a bit distracted seeing him and Sakura like this, they look cute together. His football hoodie covers her form completely, much longer than the dress she has on, as she leans into him, and a giggle slips from her lips when he lets go of her hand to wrap an arm around her waist instead. 

Somewhat belatedly, and needlessly, Mark apologises, his eyes focused on you when he speaks but you can’t get the words out to respond to him. Jay chuckles at this, shaking his head and telling him not to worry about it as he stands up from the bed. You follow suit. Jay picks up your drink from the floor and takes you by the hand, telling Mark he’ll text him later while leading you out of the room. When you glance at Sakura, she’s grinning at you, mouthing: “Sorry,” before smacking your butt. 

Jay hands you the bottle when the door closes, his hand slipping out of yours. A beat passes. And then another. He chews at his bottom lip. You clear your throat and the silence continues. It’s a shame to be standing around like idiots on the landing like this, you think. 

“I..” he trails off, wiping his hands on his pants. He points over his shoulder with his thumb. “I should get back to the boys.” 

Your heart sinks as you hesitate, unsure how to respond. Slowly, you nod. “Right, yeah,” you say.

“Later,” he mumbles, holding up his hand to wave stiffly at you before turning around to leave. 

Deflated, you lean against Mark’s door while you search for your phone to ask Yunjin where she is. Maybe if you’d waited for a moment, you’d have seen the way Jay stopped at the top of the stairs to look over at you, seen the frown on his face when he saw that you weren’t looking at him. But instead, you read 2 texts from Yunjin. 

yj: dude heso into u 

yj: flirt more = hv fun upstairs 

You spend the next three days pretending nothing happened at the party, avoiding Jay, and dreading going to uni. It’s just unfortunate that for you, pretending nothing happened looks like zoning out in the library while replaying the kiss in your head until your elbow slips off the desk. And avoiding Jay seems near impossible, given his tendency to show up everywhere. Or rather, your tendency to see Jay in everything. 

Like the tiny little black cat you saw perched on the fence outside your apartment building, and the busker singing Harry Styles in the city centre. And the half-full bottle of Smirnoff Ice from that night that sits on your dresser with your perfume and jewellery, displayed with about as much sentiment as a trophy won at school for a random achievement. 

Impulsively, you post a selfie to your Instagram story before hiding your phone under your pillow and leaving the room entirely, making yourself comfortable atop the kitchen counter and waiting for someone to come back home. 

Chaewon gets home first, and quickly, arriving with a groan as she shrugs her jacket off and shuts the door behind her. “I hate uni,” she mutters. “I hate studying, I ha— Hey.” She jumps a little when she sees you in the kitchen. “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever, where’ve you been hiding?” 

“My room.” 

She nods, leaning comfortably against the doorframe. “You’re not going out tonight, right?” 

You shake your head, amused by the look of relief that paints Chaewon’s features as she whispers thank God. “I’m gonna shower, and take a nap,” she informs you. “But when I wake up, it’s you, me, pizza, and whatever story Yunjin has from practice.” 

“Can’t wait,” you say sincerely, stepping down from the counter. 

With a wide smile on her face, she salutes you before dragging her feet to the bathroom. Completely endeared, you decide not to comment on the salute even though you think it’s sweet that she’s starting to copy her boyfriend. 

The sounds of student housing on a Wednesday evening seep in through the open window as you pour yourself a glass of water, unable to stop wondering if Jay saw your story; and what he thought about it if he did. Wondering if he’d notice that the picture was from Saturday night. 

Filling up your glass again, you take it to your room and pull your phone out of hiding. Along with a message from Yunjin telling you and Chaewon to order your food so it comes shortly after she gets home, you find that Jay hit like on your story. Then sent a reply ten minutes later saying: you’re sooo gorgeous.

With a smile on your face, you type out various forms of “thank you so much, you’re perfect,” before settling on a simple: thank uuu :D, and Jay’s response is immediate. 

jay: i don’t think i’ve said that before

jay: how prettty i think you are

The heat that rises to your cheeks is troubling, yet despite your best efforts, you can’t get it to pass. Especially not when you read and reread Jay’s message. You press your eyes shut, willing the heat to pass, willing the grin on your face to fade. Neither works, in fact, they only worsen when you open your eyes to see the new messages waiting for you in the chat. 

jay: it’s a lot bte 

jay: *btw 

You let out a romcom-worthy sigh, clutching the phone to your chest and laying down on the bed. A glow-in-the-dark sticker stares back at you from its spot on your ceiling, a single star that you’d won as a set of two at the arcade with Kazuha in December. The memory brings a smile to your face, even though you remember being a little annoyed after she turned down the other star when you tried giving it to her.

Another message from Jay makes your phone vibrate in your hands. 

jay: sorrry 

you: it’s okay 

You tell him. Even though you’re not sure what he’s apologising for. Just like before, Jay reads the message immediately though this time his reply never comes.

With Yunjin now home from practice, and freshly showered, you sit on the couch with your flatmates, talking and laughing over the sound of the TV for hours until Netflix asks if you’re still watching, and Yunjin’s passed out with her cold, wet hair on your shoulder.  

Pressing a wet kiss to your cheek, Chaewon retires to bed, whispering “Goodniiiiiiiiight,” in your ear before abandoning you. Tired as you are, a part of you feels bad about waking Yunjin so you decide to sit a while longer, moving the blanket from your lap to cover her up properly. But of course, this is the movement that wakes her up. 

In a soft voice, you tell her goodnight, standing up from the couch to stretch your arms above your head. 

“You never told me what happened on Saturday,” Yunjin says tiredly. “Kkura told me you and Jay were busy in Mark’s room.” 

The mention of his name takes you back to that night. Back to Jay and the way his lips felt against yours, the way his hand held your waist, and the way he’d ditched you outside Mark’s room. A pit forms in your stomach; and as if reading your mind, Yunjin asks if you’re okay.

You sit down on the other end of the couch, bringing your knees up to your chest and telling the story from top to bottom. After recounting the night in detail from after she left you guys alone, you find yourself hyperaware of the differences between you and Yunjin. For you, the highlight of Saturday night was Jay kissing you and then running away after. 

“Wait, Sakura and who?” she asks when you’re done. 

For Yunjin, the highlight of the story seems to be Mark’s presence. 

“Mark.” 

“She told me she went on her own, what were they doing?” 

Although you have some idea, you think it best to keep your knowledge to yourself. “They were looking for her phone,” you say, pleased to see that Yunjin accepts your answer and moves on. 

“So then what?”

“He texted me hey on Sunday morning, which I ignored, and then a couple hours ago he replied to my story and told me how pretty he thinks I am,” you say, pausing to take a breath. “Then ignored my response.” 

Yunjin sits silently, seeming to take in everything she’d just been told. Her eyes are focused on the TV screen ahead so you look over at it too. It had gone into standby mode, displaying nothing but an indistinct impression of the two of you. 

And the silence continues. 

In the TV’s cast, you can just about make out the way she tilts and then turns her head to look at you. “Maybe he’s just.. frazzled, or something, from being walked in on. How did you feel?” 

The answer takes a while to come up with because for you, the night exists in two parts — Before kissing Jay, and everything else that happened when you left the room. This whole time, you’ve been so focused on him leaving, that you’ve barely given any thought to how you felt when Sakura opened the door. Frazzled, you think. Probably the best word to use. Embarrassed suits a bit better though. 

“I was embarrassed about it, but only because it was Mark. If it had been you, or Chaewon, whoever, it would’ve been different because they’d walk in and go “oh sorry” or something and leave, but obviously, when it’s Mark going into his own room, he’s there for something, you know?” you explain, chewing at your bottom lip.

“Maybe that’s how he feels too.”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t embarrassing enough to leave and never talk to him again.” 

Yunjin exhales heavily. “I want to be on your side, really, I do, but isn’t that kinda what you did?” she asks, her voice hesitant as she tilts her head. “He texted you the next day and you didn’t reply, what do you think he’s thinking about right now?” 

“He’s the one who said he should get back to the boys.”

“What if that’s just because he spoke first?” she suggests. “Obviously we don’t know what you would’ve said if you spoke first, because you didn’t, but I feel like you would’ve been like “I-I’m gonna get back to the girls” and ran away.” 

Always correct, Yunjin is your worst enemy and your best friend rolled into one. Oh, how you hate her. Well, she’s correct about the fact that you would have said the same thing. You think. You press your lips together in a straight line and sink into your seat. 

She sighs when you don’t speak. “Look, he talked to you today, and told you how pretty you are, which is a win, right?” 

You nod reluctantly. 

“So let’s celebrate that, celebrate the fact that you kissed Jay! Even better, the fact that he kissed you.” Yunjin pauses, for what you think is dramatic effect, before speaking again. “Just.. don’t sweat the small stuff, okay?” She stops again to yawn. “And text him back if he reaches out, or, text him first.” 

Leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom, you brush your teeth, watching as Yunjin does the same, sitting on the edge of the tub with her eyes shut. While gargling mouthwash, you think about the conversation you’ve just had and decide to take matters into your own hands. By pleading with God to put Jay in front of you and have him tell you that he likes you back. 

Once again, the higher powers seem to be on your side. Kind of. Jay does end up in front of you to tell you that he likes you back. Kind of. But only after learning that you’ll have to start your report again; which, given that you’d only gotten through 800 of the required 4000 words, wasn't exactly criminal. It was an irritation that settled in you, mainly, as all of your research and the sources you’d found were now redundant in the face of such adversity. 

Nonetheless, with heavy feet, you leave the lecture hall, trying to come up with a way to fake your graduation ceremony next year so you can secretly drop out. You draw a blank and find Jay waiting in line at the vending machine near the library’s entrance. 

Even though you’d spoken with her on Tuesday night, here, today, on Friday afternoon, Yunjin’s words echo so clearly in your mind you almost want to peer over your shoulder to see if she’s there. You do. She isn’t. 

Your formerly heavy feet lead you right over to Jay, who greets you with a smile. “How’s the report coming?” he asks, his tone light, easygoing, and clearly oblivious to the fact that his question strikes you like a knife to the gut. 

The two of you shuffle forward slightly, now at the front of the queue. Waiting for your response, he punches E6 into the machine that rattles loudly, delivering his bottle of Lipton lemon. 

“Not great,” you tell him, feigning nonchalance and watching as he presses E4 before squatting down to collect both drinks. “Are you heading to class?” 

Standing up straight, Jay holds out the new(er) bottle of Lipton peach towards you. “What happened?” 

Holding the drink in your hands, you fall into step with him and sigh despite yourself. “I have to start over.” 

Jay’s eyes widen and his jaw drops slightly at your words. Dramatic. Cute. “Nooo,” he says sincerely. “How come?”

“I read the question wrong.”

“Oh,” he says. “That’s okay, at least you found out now rather than later. And you still have until December to get it done, that’s almost two months! I’m sure most people haven’t even read the question,” he tells you in a gentle voice. 

There’s a fuzziness in your chest, and Jay’s words make you feel like everything will be alright. Even though you weren’t exactly cut up about the report, something about talking with him about it leaves you feeling soothed when you look up to give him a warm smile.

“I don’t have classes today, I’m just here to study,” he says, answering your earlier question as he leads you to a table. 

You watch as Jay sits down, and decide to take a seat across from him, dumping your bag on the floor at your feet. His brows quirk up when you put the drink down on his side of the table, confusion evident in his voice when he says: “You don’t like peach tea anymore?” 

All of a sudden your heart is pounding, and you grin despite yourself. Oh, Jay, you think. “It’s my favourite.” 

Matching your smile Jay slides the bottle over to you. “It’s yours,” he says.

You can’t explain the overwhelming sense of gratitude you feel over a barely cold, 500ml bottle of tea, but it beams brightly on the table between you; radiant, glowy, the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. “Thank you,” you say sincerely in a soft voice, lest you knock the bottle out of its haze. 

The deepest part of your brain romanticises the scene around you even further, and the table you sit at, in the smallest library on campus, starts to seem like something from a kid’s storybook. From a mythical land where the iced tea is luminescent, and you get to study with an angel who wears Chrome Hearts pants and olive green 6s.

“Can I read it when you’re done?” His question cuts through your thoughts. Surprised by how genuine Jay sounds, you glance back over at him to find him already looking at you, his lips pushed up into a soft smile that spreads flutters around your chest.

It takes you longer than you’d like to admit to realise what he’s talking about, but you tilt your head when you do. “You wanna read my paper on wind turbines and solar farms?” you ask. 

Jay’s eyes widen briefly as if shocked that you’re even asking him that. “Of course I do,” he says, sounding almost offended, defensive maybe. 

You eye him from across the table, sceptical. Jay seems to pick up on this. “Why wouldn’t I want to know about the UN’s advances towards net zero by 2030?” he asks, chuckling to himself when you raise a brow. He shrugs. “I got curious after you mentioned it.” 

With burning cheeks, you watch him as he continues to talk, neither of you making any effort to start on the work you’re there to do. As much as you feel it’d be useful to get work done in the library — because it’ll allow you to go home and do nothing without guilt — you don’t see the point in half-assing your research and absentmindedly chatting with Jay, when you could ditch the research completely and fixate over the way his lips move to form his words. 

“I lost my student card so I need to read while I’m in here. I think it’s better though; easier to stay focused, less distractions,” Jay tells you when you ask what brought him to uni just to study alone. “Usually,” he adds, gaze flicking up to meet yours with a teasing smile crossing his lips.

Jay’s words hold a flirtatious undertone that isn’t lost on you or the butterflies that take flight in your stomach. “I’m not a distraction,” you say, frowning slightly. 

“I never said you were, but I had no problem getting my work done until you got here.” 

Jay’s words remind you of your first test for Property Law in February. The two of you sat together at a table in the campus cafe, empty mugs and printed slides scattered across the space between you. For four hours, you highlighted sentences and rewrote notes to keep your hands busy until Jay walked you back to your flat, where you pulled an all-nighter so you could actually study. You got a 61 and slept for twelve hours afterwards. 

“If it’s getting to you that much, I can go,” you offer, really, really, hoping he doesn’t take you up on it.

“No, please stay. I like spending time with you,” Jay admits with a slight downturn at the corners of his lips. 

You try to work out how to echo his sentiment without sounding like a lovestruck fool, though you draw a blank, distracted by the way he– “Are you batting your lashes at me?” you ask through a chuckle.

Jay squints. “Is it working?” 

You shake your head. 

“Well, neither are you,” he points out, crossing his arms over his chest in a way that almost makes you feel scolded despite his light tone. You think you like it. 

An overly dramatic sigh huffs its way out of your mouth as you roll your eyes at him, fighting a smile at the sound of his breathy laughter. “Whatever. Starting now, I’ll work on my paper. You focus on your reading, no distractions,” you suggest.

“Right, no distractions,” Jay repeats, his eyes falling to your lips. 

Sticking to your word proves much easier than you’d initially thought and you manage to sit, mostly undistracted, for more than a little while, putting the paragraphs that can stay in italics, the bits that need to be amended in bold, and deleting the rest. 

Your workflow is broken only when Jay speaks softly, “Is it cool if Heeseung works with us?” he asks, sending a text after you tell him that it’s okay. 

And as if he’d been waiting around the corner, Heeseung shows up seconds later. “Jongseongieeeeee,” he coos when he sees Jay, extending a hand to pat his head and ruffle his hair. 

Unable to hide his irritation, Jay’s face scrunches up at the interaction and in an attempt to stop the sudden attack, he grabs Heeseung by the wrist, seeming shocked when it works. You watch him fix his hair in his phone camera. 

In the same playful tone, Heeseung says your name too, sitting down in the seat next to Jay. “I feel like I haven’t seen you since the hockey mixer.” 

You can’t help the breathy laugh that comes out at the cute pout on his lips. “Because you haven’t seen me since the hockey mixer,” you say, smiling at Jay when you notice him looking at you. 

“You weren’t at the football party, were you?” Heeseung asks, his eyes widening right when the words leave his mouth. “Riiiiiiiight, you were.” He mumbles to himself before covering his mouth with his hand. “I’m just..” he trails off, pointing at his laptop with his index finger before opening it and sinking in his seat. 

There’s a nasty pit forming in your stomach while you watch Heeseung all but disappear behind his screen. And in the black screen of your laptop, you stare at yourself, pretending that: 1. The fingerprints and smudges don’t bother you, and 2. That you don’t notice the way Jay’s looking at you. Or rather, the fact that Jay’s looking at you. If you’d noticed the way he was looking at you, you might have picked up on the softness of his gaze. But you didn't, so you don’t. 

Instead, the fact that Jay’s watching you only makes you feel worse. Though at least it looks like your hair is sitting nicely today, you think, glad to have at least one thing working for you rather than against you. Like the pit in your stomach, or the Lipton peach that tastes like nothing when you take the first sip.

In the presence of Heeseung - and the things he said - the three of you manage to get on with your work, free of conversation. 

Reluctantly, you let the two boys walk you back to your place when you’re ready to go home. Heeseung leads the conversation, thankfully, with no more mention of the football party and even hugs you goodbye while Jay watches from a few feet away. Judging by the expression on his face, you’d think the person he’d liked for months kissed him and then ran away. 

“Sorry,” Heeseung whispers, pressing his lips into a straight line. 

With your key in the lock, you watch as they retreat, Heeseung nudging Jay when he reaches him and mumbling something that you can’t quite make out. Neither of the girls are home when you get inside and, sprawling out on the couch, you look for your phone to make plans. 

you: we should go out tn

cw: tmrw ! i have a deadline

yj: broke friday or .. j*emins party 

Too broke for broke Friday, the two of you find yourselves stepping over the legs of a sleeping Sunghoon to reach the open door to Jeno and Jaemin’s apartment. There are people everywhere, including the hall outside, but you suppose this is the benefit of student housing; none of your neighbours can complain about noise because they’re too busy being part of the commotion. 

Jake almost spills his drink when he sees you both, saying “heyyyyy,” with a giggle and eyes that linger on Yunjin while he talks though he quickly excuses himself to take water to poor Sunghoonie. 

The night is largely uneventful, much the same as every other night out you’ve had since starting college. Except for the part where Jay shows up,a massive grin on his face to greet your friends. Sakura, Yunjin, and Kazuha all get a “hey” and a brief hug. Jay regards you with a nod and a small smile. At least Kazuha seems to believe you when you tell her that you’re crying in Jaemin’s bathroom because you hate your outfit.

After a weekend of self-pity, you spend Monday at a coffee shop with Sakura, watching as she studi—“You could at least pretend to study, you know?” she sighs. “Every time I look up you’re either staring at me or using your phone, it’s distracting.” 

With a frown on your face, you touch your mug to see if your coffee is cool enough to drink yet — it’s not — before flipping your notebook to a blank page and trying to write out some of the key points that you remember from Friday’s lecture. A part of you feels bad for neglecting your Architectural Practice class but it’s just not as interesting, and you tell yourself that you’ll dedicate all of your time to it after finishing your report. You definitely will not come to regret leaving three months worth of work to the very last minute. 

You study with Sakura for a few hours until deciding that you simply cannot continue, and the two of you leave the cafe in favour of a Mcdonald’s drive-thru, eating your dinner in the dark parking lot before she drops you off.

On Tuesday night, you’re thankful that Yunjin and Kazuha don’t push you to go out with them when you say you’re tired, but when Netflix asks if you’re still watching Modern Family at almost 3 a.m., you wish they had. 

You push yourself out of bed to do your skincare, and hear the two girls coming back home as you apply your last pimple patch. After Kazuha all but yells something about a huge pair of shoes by the door, it seems like they settle in the kitchen. 

They’re sharing a bowl of cereal at the table when you get there. Feeling bad, you make instant noodles for them while Yunjin hugs you from behind. Both of you try your best to laugh quietly at Kazuha’s story about some box blond figure skater who completely blanked her when she tried flirting despite staring at her all night.

Once the food is ready, you sit up on the counter, watching them eat straight from the pot. Trying to talk to those two while they’re so invested in dinner is a waste of energy so you busy yourself on your phone instead, scrolling aimlessly until both girls kiss you on the cheek to thank you for looking after them. Kazuha gratefully drinks the glass of water you give her, and Yunjin, as you expect, is stubborn about it; taking three small sips before running away to her room. 

The argument you can hear through the open window keeps you entertained as you wash the dishes, and you check your phone on the way to your room, finding two texts from Jay. 

jay: i know it’s late but can we talk in person if you’re up

jay: it’ s important

They came in four minutes ago and you chew on your lip trying to figure out what he wants to talk about. 

you: are you okay?

jay: can you come outside 

With not even enough time to hit send on the three question marks you’d typed out, the distinct ring of a FaceTime call surprises you. Though what you find more surprising is the sight of your building’s door behind Jay’s face which just about fills the screen. Lit dramatically by an orange street light, he looks beautiful. Looks cute when his lips pout slightly around the words: come quickly and dress warm, as he successfully convinces you to leave the comfort of your bed.

Through the glass in the main door, you see him. With his hands stuffed in his pockets, he looks up towards the sky and puffs visible breaths into the air above him. Jay turns around at the sound of the door opening. You feel your stomach lurch because he doesn’t smile when he sees you. 

“Hey,” he says after a while, watching you intently, inspecting almost, as you shut the door softly behind you. His face softens, the smile he hadn’t given earlier coming through now. “Are you wearing my jacket?” His voice is soft too when he speaks, breathy enough for the smell of alcohol and vague peppermint to hit your nose. 

“I thought I should probably give it back,” you nod. “Sorry I kept it so long.”

Jay shakes his head, hair shifting on his forehead from the motion. “No, I love it on you. Please keep it,” he pauses, taking a step towards you. “I want you to keep it.” 

Thank God, you think. You hadn’t really been meaning to give it back, and you weren’t really sorry to have kept it so long, it just felt like the right thing to say. 

The space between you is so small that you wonder if he can hear the way your heart rate starts to pick up. In the time you hadn’t talked, you’d seen him around campus, in the corners of story posts, but seeing him here in front of you is almost overwhelming. A gust of wind ruffles the jacket Jay has on and his scent unfurls right under your nose; warm, lived in, mixed with faint sweat and what you think might be tobacco. It creates a musk that leaves you weak at the knees.

“It was milk and cookies night,” Jay continues when you don’t respond, digging into his pocket and holding a plastic-wrapped cookie out towards you. “You like white chocolate chip, right?” 

Hearing that it was milk and cookies night makes you wonder if you’d been too hasty when you turned down the girls’ invitation. 

Despite the cold, Jay’s hand is warm when your fingers graze his. Letting your touch linger, you thank him sincerely, touched by the little things he seems to remember about you. 

Even though you’re aware of the other students coming home from various nights out, and end up having to move out of the way so some of them can enter your building, it feels like the two of you are in your own world. You notice that his sights are locked on the cookie, on the spot where your fingers touch, allowing you to admire him freely. 

Standing almost directly under the lamppost now, you notice that his cheeks and the tips of his ears are dusted with red. You feel a little bad, he must be freezing, you think. Your gaze falls to his lips that sit parted, chapped like you expect, and now you’re thinking of kissing him. 

Clearing his throat, Jay moves his hand from yours to put it in his pocket. You do the same. 

“I know I said I wanted to talk, but I just wanted to see you,” he says, looking you right in the eyes. “I wasn’t sure you’d come if I said that.” 

You frown, wondering if this whole time he’s been avoiding you because he thought you didn’t want to see him. “Why wouldn’t I?” 

Jay only shrugs in response. 

From over your shoulder, you hear the door opening. Jay’s eyes flicker in its direction. You turn your head to look too. A boy with pink hair frowns when both of you tell him you don’t have the lighter he’d been looking to borrow. 

“I’m sorry about leaving after we kissed. And for avoiding you. That was stupid,” Jay says as soon as the door closes. “It was childish of me to do that instead of just telling you how I feel. I wasn’t gonna say anything, because I know you only see me as a friend, but I have to let you know that I like you, a lot.” 

You stand around limply for a beat, staring up at Jay and trying to take in every single detail about this moment before you inevitably wake up. But this ‘dream’ doesn’t cut off where you’d been expecting it to. Instead, you feel your heart thudding against your ribs, your stomach flipping. The only thing you can get yourself to do is blink at the boy in front of you. The boy who likes you. 

A lot.

“It’s just that, after Heeseung said that shit in the library and you couldn’t even look at me, I knew I didn’t have a chance with you and I just.. am trying to figure out how to be near you and pretend like I don’t want to drop everything and kiss you.” 

“What’s stopping you?” you ask, surprised that your voice even comes out properly.

Jay’s gaze drops to your lips. Without noticing, the two of you had gotten so close that your chests are barely an inch apart; they’d probably touch if either of you took just one deep inhale. A beat passes. His gaze flicks up to meet yours and your breath hitches in your throat. You want to kiss him. You must. Right when you start to lean up towards him, to put your lips on his, he steps back. 

“Fuck,” Jay mumbles, his brows knitting together as he shakes his head. “I’m sorry.” 

The ability to hold his liquor is something that Jay sees as both a blessing and a curse. 

On the bright side, he can drink as much as he wants and won’t say or do anything he wouldn’t say or do when sober. His delivery might be a little off when he’s drunk but the point still stands.

On the not-so-bright, catastrophically dim side, however, Jay wakes up the morning after drinking with a vivid memory of everything that happened to him at whatever party he’d been to. Plus a killer migraine. 

And so, since drunkenly showing up at your place with a cookie in his pocket and his heart on his sleeve two weeks ago, Jay’s been quietly pitying himself and gently encouraging Jake to work harder on physics so he can get some sort of time machine up and running. 

Though it seems like you’ve been able to go on as normal. So normal, in fact, that Jay starts to believe the whole thing was just an elaborate dream. So elaborate that when he scrolls through your text thread, he finds the messages that you’d ‘exchanged’ that night. He finds the thought of having developed self-awareness in a two-week-long dream to be a greater comfort than the reality that you don’t like him back. 

You would have said if you did. Right? Or at least brought up what he’d said. Asked if you could talk about it. You’d be so excited to see him again, sober, that you wouldn’t even be able to say anything except: “I like you too!” Right? 

But you haven’t. So unless you’re going through trauma-inflicted amnesia, or someone has finally come up with the technology to invent The Neuralyzer, you really don’t like him back.

Jay had been so sure, certain that you liked him back. It just seemed so obvious; like the way you seemed to find him at every party, and how anytime you saw Jake in the engineering block you’d ask about him. Surely it wasn’t all in his head. The way that Chaewon and Yunjin had been teasing you at the hockey mixer, and how Yunjin made up that excuse to leave the two of you alone at the football party. It was all so.. like-y.  

Even today, when you texted him asking to hang out. He was sure that you were finally (finally!) going to tell him you liked him too. So sure, he’d even told the boys that he’d be coming back home as someone’s boyfriend. As your boyfriend. 

But instead, Jay finds himself climbing the stairs of his apartment complex wondering how the fuck he’d been so delusional. In his back pocket, his phone vibrates. Twice. Texts; both from you. 

you: i forgot to say but lmk when u get home lol

you: and if u have time to hang out before ur game tmrw !

His heart twists in his chest as he reads your messages. 

jay: okayyyyyyyyyyyyy, i can chill for a bit

jay: what did you have in mind? 

After fishing his house key from his jacket, he twists it in the lock and crosses the threshold before texting you once more: home now :). You heart the message immediately. The laughter that Jay could hear in the hall quiets as soon as he closes the door, and heavy footsteps thud towards the living room’s open doorway. Sunghoon. 

“It’s Mr YN YL—” he stops short. “Oh.” It’s not until Sunghoon looks over his shoulder and shakes his head that Jay even notices the stupid shutter shades he’s wearing. And when Jay joins his friends in the living room, he smiles despite himself seeing the way they’d decorated the space. Streamers dangle from the ceiling, hand-drawn A4 posters with both of your names written in lopsided hearts are stuck to the wall, and Jay ignores the thought of losing the security deposit to appreciate his friends; they’re good to him. 

On the way to his usual seat, an armchair in the corner of the room, Jay stops to wrestle a bottle of Desperados from the open six back sitting atop the coffee table and kicks a balloon that was in his path before sinking into his chair. 

Knowing there’s no use giving them a play-by-play, Jay recounts the last few hours as briefly as he can. He makes sure to leave out small details; like how he felt weak at the knees when you hugged him and told him you loved him after he won you a Hello Kitty plushie from the claw machine that you swore was rigged. Or how you’d worn his jacket out and his heart started racing when he noticed that your perfume had started to mix with his cologne. Unexpectedly, the guys seem hooked on the story right until its end. “So it’s not like it went badly or anything, I just.. didn’t tell her.”

Somehow, all three of them speak at the same time: “What do you mean you didn’t tell her?” 

Jay stares at a spot on the floor, noticing a hole in the toe of Jake’s sock. He’ll make fun of that later. “I just couldn’t get the words out,” he mumbles, shoulders drooping as he slumps further and further into his seat before taking the first sip of his bitter drink a—“Fuck, why does anybody drink these?” 

“Cheap,” Sunghoon mumbles, scowling after sipping from his own.

Clearly.

“Unless I’m missing something, this doesn’t seem like the end of the world. Just tell her tomorrow, tell her now, text her,” Heeseung sighs, letting his eyes fall shut. 

The other two boys seem to agree, echoing the sentiment and adding their own ad libs to it. Jay watches as Sunghoon leans over to get another drink from the table, admiring his commitment to beer drinking even though he doesn’t like it. He waits for silence before speaking again: “I already know she doesn’t like me that way. And it’s only been two weeks so it doesn’t make sense to confess again so soon when I know the answer.” 

“Again?” Sunghoon asks, raising a brow. 

Ahhh, Jay knew there was something he’d forgotten to do. Though he's struggling to figure out how he’d withheld this information, considering it was the main thing on his mind at all hours. “Yeah, after milk and cookies I went to hers and told her I like her,” he says, attempting to feign nonchalance, shoulders rising and falling in a stiff shrug.

“And you kept that to yourself because..” 

Jay scrunches up his nose, genuinely unsure. “I didn’t go there to confess, I just wanted to see her and give her the cookie I got for her,” he admits. “But then she came outside, and she had my jacket on, and she just looked so pretty. The only thing on my mind was oh, my God, I can’t go any longer without telling you I’m in love with you.” Jay pauses, taking a long sip of beer before telling them what happened outside your building. 

As if he wasn’t feeling bad enough already, Heeseung bursts out laughing. Hard. It’s not long before Jake and Sunghoon join in and Jay wants to vanish into thin air. Feeling slightly left out, he also wants to ask what’s so funny, but the fear of being slated holds him back. 

It’s the eldest who calms down first, sitting up straight in his seat. “So you go to YN’s door, tell her you like her, almost kiss her, then explicitly tell her not to say she likes you back, run away from her, again, and you’re wondering why she didn’t say she likes you back?”

With the story being laid out so simply, Jay starts to see the flaws in his logic. Though too stubborn to admit that he’s wrong in front of Jake, he nods his head. “Exactly.” 

He presses his lips into a straight line when the boys call him chronically stupid. 

“You need to call her, talk to her, figure your shit out before it’s too late,” Heeseung says with a firm tone. 

Jay thinks about it, biting at his bottom lip before replying, asking in a small voice: “But what if she says she doesn’t like me?” 

As much as not having confirmation is killing him, there’s a part of Jay that likes not knowing how you feel about him because it lets him play into his delusions. Lets him feed himself with thoughts of you being excited to see him because you like him and not because he makes great platonic company. The thought of you checking up on him through Jake because you’ve been thinking about him, but feel too shy to ask directly. And Jay knows when you properly reject him, he won’t be comforted by such thoughts anymore. They’ll only hurt him. 

Though after hearing what may be the wisest thing he thinks Sunghoon has ever said, Jay starts to see the situation a little differently. It’s casual. Spoken through a yawn. “You already don’t have a girlfriend. Nothing to lose, right?” 

The walk to your apartment building is longer than he remembers, but the cool air feels good on his neck as he tries to figure out what exactly he should say. Jay only starts to consider that this may not be the best idea when he stands face to face with your apartment building and feels a little too nervous to buzz your flat. What is he doing? 

A grating screech comes from the heavy door when it opens, and Chaewon’s boyfriend steps outside with squinted eyes. “Jay?” he asks as the door thuds shut behind him. “YN didn’t say you were coming over.” 

An awkward chuckle slips from Jay’s lips and (for the first time in his life) he does jazz hands. “Surprise?”

Jay feels better when Jeno’s lips spread into a grin. “Ohhhh,” he says, nodding and extending an almost empty deck of cigarettes in his direction. 

“I’m good,” Jay declines, shaking his head. 

Though if things go poorly up there he might have to take Jeno up on his offer. 

Holding his cigarette between his lips, Jeno uses a fob to open the door for him, and Jay can’t help but feel comforted by the way Jeno pats him on the back and says: “I’m rooting for you.” 

Standing at the door to your apartment only unleashes a new sense of nervousness. His hand rests on it, balled into a fist, waiting to be pulled back. But something stops him. Jay lets his hand slip down the door and takes a step away from it. He’d been standing too close. Now, he stands shifting his weight from foot to foot, and the toes of his shoes are just touching the doormat. 

Reminding himself that knocking isn’t the hard part, Jay takes a deep breath and knocks three times. 

A few minutes pass and it’s now that he remembers he doesn’t even know for sure that you’re home, or awake. He counts ten seconds before knocking again and the second his fist touches the door, he hears the sound of a lock clicking and the door creaks open. 

Like something from a dream, you stand in the doorway, looking so beautiful with his hoodie on that Jay has to put in effort to keep his jaw from falling to the ground. 

“Jay?” you say quietly, brows furrowed. “Is everything alright?” 

“Do you like me?” Jay blurts out, pressing his eyes shut immediately as all plans of a proper conversation go to the wind. From his spot on your doormat, he can hear the sound of the TV quieting and a terrible silence settles over the two of you; lasting eight whole seconds before you speak. 

“Do you wanna come in?”

Jay steps into the apartment, taking off his shoes at the door while mumbling a greeting to Yunjin and Chaewon who (definitely heard him) lay on the couch with wide grins on their faces, and follows you to your room where you close the door behind him. 

“Sorry, I had, like, a speech ready and then I saw you and I just..” he trails off, standing awkwardly near the door and looking at everything in the room except for you; he struggles to tear his eyes away from a polaroid picture of the two of you with huge grins. It’s only when you talk that he manages to look over at you instead. 

“You can sit down,” you say, patting a spot on the bed next to you. Without saying anything, Jay crosses the room to sit beside you — if sitting at arm’s length can be considered as beside you. “Tell me about the speech,” you say, and Jay shakes his head while trying to convince himself that your chuckle isn’t patronising. 

“Do you like me?” he asks again, not wanting to waste any more time. 

“I like you.” 

Your words, simple and quiet, leave Jay winded. 

“You look surprised,” you say, tilting your head. “You really didn’t know?”

Immediately, he relaxes his face. Clears his throat. Jay’s not entirely sure what he did and didn’t know, but he doesn’t think it matters. Nothing could possibly matter more than you do right now. “Doesn’t matter,” he says, letting out a sigh of relief. “I like you too.” The words sound regular when he says them, though he does like the lightness in his chest knowing for sure that the feeling is mutual. “Can you say it again?”

“Jay,” you start, resting your hand on his knee. Jay wonders if this is supposed to comfort him and clasps his hands over his lap as discreetly as he can manage. “I like you,” you tell him again.

Under the weight of your words, Jay feels his heart cinch a little in his chest. Why does everything sound so perfect coming from you? He can’t help but lean in, finally kissing you after what feels like an eternity. Jay didn’t think anything would feel better than your first kiss, but having your lips move softly against his, and knowing that you like him back, might just be the best thing ever. How did he go so long without this? Dazed and lovestruck, he lets his forehead rest against yours to calm down, to catch his breath. “Again?” he whispers, hopeful, one step away from begging.

You let out a chuckle, soft, breathy, fanning his lips. “I like you,” you say after a while, quietly, a whisper, just for him before kissing him again.

Jay’s not sure when it happened, he’s not even sure he notices that you’re sitting in his lap until you grind down on him; the feeling overwhelming despite all of the layers between you. A whine slips from your mouth into his when he rolls his hips up towards yours, and he can’t help but hate himself a bit for not just confessing sooner. 

You pull away from him, a smile on your face as he chases your kiss. “Please touch me,” you whisper, hiding your face in his neck when he chuckles at your request, calling you cute under his breath.

He feels oddly thankful that you’re not grinding on him any longer because he was about two more movements away from cumming in his pants. His hand slips under your shorts, finding your clit and pressing on it through your underwear, liking the way your breath fans his skin when you sigh. The wet patch on the fabric only starts to spread when he starts rubbing you. “You like that?” 

“Yeah,” you tell him on an exhale, letting your hips roll against his hand, whimpering at the friction. 

Your mouth quickly finds his again, and you let your hand clutch at his shirt, balling it up in your first before tugging at it, parting to take it off of him. With wide eyes, you gape at his torso, the word “Shit,” falling from your mouth while you let a hand rest on his stomach. 

When he tries pushing your panties to the side, the soaked material sticks to your slit slightly, and Jay groans despite himself. You’re absolutely drenched in slick, sopping wet to the core as you let out a broken whine from the feeling of his finger slipping into you. Curling his finger towards your belly button, his eyes fall shut, cock throbbing against his thigh when he thinks about how you’d feel around his shaft, how you’d look under him.

“You’re so good,” you whisper, awestruck and trembling in his lap.

The way you watch him makes him feel a little under pressure when he opens his eyes, but, determined to make you feel good, Jay attaches his thumb to your clit and everything is so slick that his finger slips around a bit before he can help it. You squirm in his lap, your head falling forward into the crook of his neck, forcing Jay to hiss when you bite on the skin of his shoulder. Your whimpers turn into cries and you mumble that you’re close, your walls tensing around him a moment later as if to prove your point. 

Jay pulls his fingers out, holding back a moan at the way they glisten in the light, coated in you— “Nooo,” you whine, sounding audibly distraught. 

Though he’s too busy tasting your cunt on his fingers to grace you with a response. In the quiet of the room, you sit up properly to look at him, watching with parted lips as Jay sucks on his fingers, humming at the way you taste. You barely give him a chance to put his hand back down before pressing your lips to his, moaning into his mouth as you taste yourself on his tongue. 

Getting a tight grip on your waist, he moves around a bit to lay you down on the bed. Resting on his forearm, Jay leans over you, kissing you again. He lets his hand trail down your body, liking the way you spread your legs when he dips his fingers into your waistband. You nod eagerly when he asks if he can take them off, and his cock throbs when you tell him to take your panties off too. 

With no unnecessary fabric in his way, his finger drags up and down the length of your pussy. Already close, it doesn’t take long for you to start whimpering and squirming underneath him, your walls stuttering once again as you cum, hot and hard on his hand. 

Ever the gentleman, Jay stands up to place himself between your legs, groaning at the sight of you, pulsing and wet. “Such a pretty pussy,” he says. Deciding not to waste another second, he uses his thumbs to spread your lips a little before burying his face in your cunt. 

It doesn’t take much for you to writhe under his tongue, and as soon as he kisses your clit it’s a wrap. He feels his cock leaking a little when your clit starts to throb between his lips, and he can’t help but groan when you tug at his hair. 

You stutter through the words: “Too much,” and Jay tears his mouth away from you, letting his forehead rest on your inner thigh while he catches his breath, savouring your taste on his tongue. It doesn’t last long though; your scent drives him crazy. When Jay leans back over your face, he presses kisses to your cheek, mumbling to you about how pretty you are, and how good you taste, all while playing with the drawstrings of your hoodie. 

He likes the way it looks on you, way better than it does on him. Likes it so much, he almost objects when you sit up to pull it over your head. Jay’s glad he doesn’t. He gulps at the sight of your breasts, surprised to see that you weren’t wearing anything under his hoodie, his dick somehow growing harder just from looking at you. 

Jay feels an intense desperation to suck on them, but your hands reach back up to his face, pulling him towards you to kiss him again. He settles (ecstatically) for holding one in his hand, pinching your nipple with his fingers. He’s relaxed, he’s happy; not torn up about it because he has all the time in the world to feel your tits in his mouth. 

He thinks. 

Jay pulls away from you. “Wait,” he says, feeling butterflies when you smile up at him. “Can I be your boyfriend?”

Your giggle sounds like music and he feels warm all over when you say, “Of course,” the words somewhat muffled by his lips on yours again, he could make out with you all day. But he stops for a moment, looking down at you, into your eyes and revelling in this moment. Revelling in you, his girlfriend, and the way you look at him. Like he put the stars in the sky or moved mountains; like you want him just as much as he’s wanted you all this time. And he wonders what he’s done to deserve it. 

Overwhelmed by emotion, Jay kisses you, lets his tongue run along the seam of your lips as he considers just kissing you for the rest of the night. It almost seems like he’s trying to, and you speak once more against his mouth. 

“Are you gonna fuck me?” you ask, moving your head to the side. “It’s okay if you’re not, but I’d like to know.” 

Jay smirks at you — pretty cocky for a guy whose dick is throbbing against his thigh just from hearing you talk. “You want that?”

“Mhm,” you hum, nodding. “Need it.” Your gaze burns into his as he tries to process your words. You look distractingly beautiful with a thin sheen of sweat on your forehead, lidded eyes, and kiss-plumped lips that you press up against his once more. “There’s condoms in the second drawer.”

Leaning up off of you, Jay reaches into his back pocket to show off the two condoms he’d brought with him.

“Classy,” you tease, though there’s an excitement in your eyes that drives him mad. 

“Responsible,” he corrects, standing up to pull his pants and underwear down. Slapping against his stomach, his cock throbs when he hears you gasp. Jay lifts his head in your direction, trying not to cum on the spot from the sight of you leaning up on your elbows, staring at his dick with an open mouth. 

Taking a deep breath, Jay reminds himself that he has all the time in the world to find out what your pretty lips will feel like around him, choosing to busy himself with putting the condom on instead. “How do you want it?” 

If the way you stop and stammer through the word “However” is anything to go by, the question seems to catch you off guard. Making his way back over to you, Jay racks his brain trying to figure out how he wants this to go, but seeing you on your back with your legs spread for him makes it clear. He hovers over you, lips drawn to yours like a magnet, using his hand to run the tip of his cock up and down your pussy, all while you whine against his mouth every time he pushes past your clit. 

“Don’t want to wait any longer.”

Your words make his stomach turn. He pulls away, his brows knitted together. “How long have you been waiting?” 

“Months, Jay,” you say, voice barely above a whisper, eyes screwed shut in a tortured expression. “Please.” 

Satisfied with your answer, Jay guides his cock to your slit. Pushes just a little. “I won’t make you wait like that again,” he tells you, and he means it, pushing in as much as he can before you cry out. 

Worried, Jay stops, leaning close to press a kiss to your cheek. “You okay?” 

“I just need a sec,” you tell him breathlessly.

Jay nods. As good as he feels, quitting while he’s ahead seems like the better option at the minute — he needs a sec too, but with the way your walls clench around him, it doesn’t really feel like much has changed. He finds himself having to hold his hips back after a while, as you get used to the feeling of him inside, your pretty little cunt starts trying to suck him in and his breath hitches in his throat when you look him in the eye. 

With a hand on the back of his neck, you pull his face back down to yours. “I’m good,” you mumble into his ear. 

“Yeah?” he asks, grinning when you nod in response. 

You stretch around him so easily that Jay whines as you take him in, deeper and deeper, inch by inch until he bottoms out. “Shit,” he mutters. How did he go so long without this? The sting of your nails digging into his bicep makes him hiss and he all but passes out when you moan. Falling from your mouth on a loop with every move he makes, his name is the most beautiful thing he’s ever heard; you cut yourself off with a gasp, breath hitching in your throat.

“There?” Jay asks, even though he knows he’s hitting your spot. 

You look up at him through fluttering eyelids, becoming more and more dazed each time his hips smack yours. “Mhm, I—close,” you mumble. 

Jay takes this as a sign to hike your leg up around his waist, making sure to hit it each time he pumps into you. It seems like it’s working. “Cum for me, baby,” he whispers, using his free hand to push some of your hair out of your face. 

Your whines turn into broken sobs and you hide your face in the pillow next to you, muffling your screams. Although he thinks your consideration for your flatmates is coming a bit late, he leaves you be, finding the sight sexier than he cares to admit. 

Sexier still is the way your body tenses before squirming again, your walls pulsing uncontrollably around him while you cum. Jay’s stomach starts to tighten as he fucks you, spurred on by the look on your face as you orgasm, and the sound of his cock filling you up. With a few more thrusts and a jagged moan, he spills his load into the condom, just about collapsing on top of you. 

Considering how fucked out and sleepy you’d been while Jay cleaned you up, he isn’t surprised to find you fast asleep when he gets back from cleaning himself. He does his best to join you in bed as softly as possible but it’s no use because you wake with a large yawn, making his heartache from a weird mixture of guilt and how cute you look. 

He lays on his back, grinning to himself when you rest your head on his chest, making yourself comfy with an arm and leg slung over him. You talk drowsily about watching The Devil Wears Prada in full after his game tomorrow and nod eagerly when he asks if you want to wear one of his jerseys to come and watch him play. Jay keeps his eyes shut until he hears you snoring faintly, and looks forward to teasing you about it in the morning.

When he stares straight ahead at your ceiling, a fuzzy feeling rises in his chest. “I put my star on the ceiling too,” he whispers, knowing you can’t hear him, but feeling happy nonetheless.

Huddled up under Jay’s jacket, you sit on the half wall outside the football house with Chaewon, watching as Jeno blows smoke from his super king over his shoulder. Though given the way that the wind blows it back in your faces, the two of you may as well have taken him up on his offer to share. 

Letting Chaewon rest her head on your shoulder, you take a sip of your drink and feel thankful to the version of you from five minutes ago who let Jay fill your cup with lemonade instead of vodka. The two of you laugh along with Jeno until you see Yunjin rushing out of the double doors and into the garden. 

“Is there anything wrong with my outfit?” she asks, giving the three of you a twirl so you can check and mumbling a “thank you” to Jeno who reaches his arm out to stop her from falling over in the process. 

Yunjin’s outfit looks fine. At first. Until you notice the massive hole in the left side of her skirt; the sight of which leaves you and Chaewon wiping tears of laughter. Through cackles and a slight stomach ache, you manage to ask what happened. 

“I got caught on something, like, an hour ago, and I wasn’t hurt or anything so I forgot about it, and then I went out front and felt the craziest breeze on my thigh and I looked down and.. half of my skirt is just.. missing,” she explains, pausing only to take a draw from Jeno’s cigarette. “Does it look intentional at least?” 

You almost choke on your drink when Chaewon suggests using her acrylics to make an identical hole on the side, telling her to market the holes as “cutouts” and try selling it on Depop. 

“Vintage, Y2K, I.AM.GIA, Destiny’s Child, Britney Spears,” she says, although she’s had so much to drink that it all comes out as one word. “Don’t laugh at me, write it down! Babe, quick, take pictures!” 

Yunjin poses dramatically while Jeno takes product photos on her phone, and in the space between them, through the double doors, you see your boyfriend standing next to the dining table, his friends laughing around him while he stares over in your direction with a sweet smile on his face. 

And even though you can’t say for sure, you’re just glad that here, tonight, you have a pretty good idea of why Park Jongseong’s smiling at you.

© zreamy (2023), all rights reserved. do not repost, translate, or plagiarise my work. do let my know your thoughts !

permanent taglist: @asahicore

BLOODSUCKER, FAMEFUCKER, BLEEDING ME DRY LIKE A GODDAMN VAMPIRE 𓆩♡𓆪

hi everyone!! thank you all so much for the 2k followers!! i'm so grateful to each and every single one of you angels!! as a celebration i've decided to post a small hyung line series of smut fics based on songs from olivia rodrigo's latest album!! 🤍

02. bad idea right? (ft. sunghoon)

𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰𝘹𝘪𝘤 𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘷𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦, 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘯𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘱 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘶𝘥𝘥𝘺

includes: toxic relationship, implied cheating, dry humping, degrading, spanking, swearing, spitting in mouth, pet names, choking, manhandling, unprotected sex, hair pulling, bratty reader, dumbification, fingers sucking, oral (m receiving)

04. lacy (ft. jay)

𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘶𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘤 𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, 𝘫𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘵𝘰𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘩

includes: oral (f receiving), fingering, crying, insecurities, soft dom! jay, praising, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex, creampie, tiny mention of drooling, hate comments directed at reader

05. ballad of a homeschooled girl (ft. heeseung)

𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘤 𝘴𝘰𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘴, 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘷𝘦 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘺 𝘦𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘧𝘶𝘯 𝘤𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦

includes: virgin! reader, oral (male receiving), slight exhibitionism, unprotected sex, degrading, fuckton of pet names, creampie, stuffing mouth with panties, praising, reader is wearing make up and a skirt, fingering

08. get him back! (ft. jake)

𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘢 𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘪𝘳𝘥 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘢𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘷𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘢 𝘨𝘶𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘦𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬𝘴 𝘢𝘨𝘰

includes: making out, skin marking, fingering, unprotected sex, riding, brief hair pulling, choking, slight bulge kink, degrading, praising too, slight exhibitionism, facial, cursing

note: i'll update the warnings/includes whenever i write a little more and anything new pops up in my mind <33 the first part should be posted somewhere this week!!

taglist: open

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renaissance man (p. js)

Taking note of the strangers you see day to day isn’t something you’d normally do. The only reason today is different is because the guy who made small talk as he rang you up for your intimate items was the same guy who showed up catering for your family reunion.  or the one where jay is a dildo salesman, a caterer, a self-titled mechanic, and also your ride home. he is not an expert in any of his jobs, but he sure is an expert in wit and well, other things.

minors dni!! | pls reblog to show your support!

WORDCOUNT― 14.6k

PAIRING― park jongseong x afab reader 

CONTENT― fluffy comfort smut, strangers to lovers like immediately, you buy a monster sized dildo, blatant talking of masturbation and toys, smut, cliche blooming an attachment to someone after (1) fuckening. 

!!ATTENTION!!― read this before? that’s because I run two blogs and like to re-vamp fics i’ve previously written for other groups! [@/ncteez is likely where you’ve read it from. THAT IS ME!!!] 

smut tags under cut:: 

smut tags― it’s kind of fluffy im so sorry i just have feelings for him, average cock size jay!!!![i am not of this belief, i think his cock is fat and huge], he is very much a service top, making out, hand holding, caressing, grinding, finger fucking, titty worship,  unprotected sex, sweet talking as a form of dirty talk, missionary bc i refuse to pretend he wouldn’t want that, back scratches (sexual)

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Never have you been put in the position to make small talk about the sex toys you place on a counter to purchase. Then again, you guess it’s part of the job description that most people ignore or aren’t privy to actually doing. 

Never have you been informed of the wide variety of lubricants, additional toy-cleaners, or the bigger and smaller alternatives to your chosen toy. You don’t show discomfort though, because it’s not uncomfortable. Sex is normal, masturbation is more normal, and the man in front of you appears to be normal too.

“There’s twelve different color variants if you prefer something less fleshy.” The man says, standing at the counter with some sort of a permanent pout on his lips. 

“I’m fine, if you could just ring me up now I can get out of your hair.” You respond, glancing at the time on your phone and wondering how you got stuck with the only employee who actually does his job here.

“Are you sure you don’t want any lubricant?” The man adds, gazing at the size of your toy and then looking you up and down as if you clearly wouldn’t be able to handle your chosen toy without help.

The man with no name tag appears to be blissfully unaware of his invasiveness with that question as you tilt your head with a raised brow. Shocked at the very question, it’s actually quite laughable that he’s so monotone with the offensive comment. You imagine he’s done this for so long that he must be a manager trying to get the day over with, going through the steps in a bored mood with little to no regard as to how he must sound to strangers buying their first or twentieth dildo. 

With your assumption that he doesn’t exactly care about the level of wet your vagina is when you use this toy, you respond. “I think I know my body well enough and I already have lube, but thanks.”

He nods, not even sparing you much of a glance before giving you a total and bagging your item.

Now, despite Jay’s lack of interest toward the purchase of toys, he finds it comical that he’s grown numb to the very fact that he knows what everyone in this town’s kinks are after they step out of the shop’s door. Someone’s gotta do this job and keep those secrets…he likes to think he fits the bill perfectly. 

Lively as he may be outside of this shop, each job comes with a personality and this one calls for one of disinterest in your product but interest in the sale. He’s not one to lie to himself though, many times a pretty girl has marched in and bought toys far bigger than any man and he does tend to let his mind wander about it from time to time. When he first started this job, bright eyed and bushy-tailed, he found it hard to navigate a single sale without a flush of tints crossing his cheeks and ears. Now, he’s become a veteran at keeping his dick locked in place if he were to feel some type of way about a purchase and the one purchasing. 

Shy as he was when he started, it’s all lost now as he handles dicks and dongs, pocket pussies and anal plugs, even whips and chains. 

Shy. That’s definitely a word and surprisingly one that can describe him when he’s not on schedule within these walls of alien dicks and lime flavored lube to match the grotesque green color. At his other job, because he works two, he takes the praise of being the charming yet timid man who shows up with pans of food for events. 

The guests seem to love him and many times during weddings and company parties he has been offered phone numbers or asked for one simply because he appears to be that of a friendly face with a kind sense of being. Someone you’d wanna bring home to mom, some might say. 

It’s a stark contrast of jobs, and somehow he’s managed to dodge knowing many of the people coming into his night job to shop for ways to fuck themselves. The rare time it had happened, he was thankful to have another person in the shop to ring them up. Keeping up with two jobs is hard, and keeping up with two personalities is even harder.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

You hadn't thought of that guy from the sex shop even once until he showed his face at your family reunion. 

He noticed you before you managed to realize it was him though. Stealing looks in your direction as you chat with little cousins and elder aunts and uncles, mostly to double check in his brain if you’re really the girl who showed up and nonchalantly bought the newest dildo in stock. The fleshy colored one with rotating beads and a g-spot stimulator button. You know, the really fucking huge one. 

 Upon meeting his eye again for the first time, he could tell it really is you, simply because of the way you furrow your brow as you recognize him. 

Jay couldn’t help but smirk. He knew that eventually someone at an event would recognize him as their local sex-shop manager, he’s actually shocked it doesn’t happen more often. At least it’s you though, a woman who looks near his age and clearly has a very healthy relationship with her sexuality. So much so that you weren’t shy or nervous in buying the toy from him. Because it’s honestly pretty common to see someone nervous or uncomfortable while buying items far less telling than the one you bought.

His smirk doesn’t go unnoticed by you before you look away from him and focus your attention back to your family and by the time he’s prepared the food and is standing aside to explain what ingredients the dishes have, you’re walking up with your empty plate and an awkward glance. 

He follows you down the line of dishes, seemingly more interested in you than anyone else. You could argue it’s just an attempt to make you feel embarrassed, or perhaps even an attempt to ask you not to snitch on where else he works to make his money. 

“Do I know you from somewhere?” You ask, a knowing look telling him that you’re already very aware of that ‘somewhere’ you know him from. 

His pursed lips and snide hidden laugh at you is one thing, but the way he whispers to you over a pan of potato casserole is another. 

“I think you know who I am.” He says, crossing his arms as he leans back again with a flicker of a crooked grin. 

You leave it at that, looking him in the eye curiously and for some reason, smiling back at the strange second encounter with a man who appears to have a name tag now.

“Thanks, Jay. See you around.” 

Heading away from the tables of food and toward the table that contains all of your favorite cousins, you are immediately bombarded with a raised brow from one of them. Ah, nosy. 

“What was that about?” One of them leans over to ask, glancing at the man who is still overseeing the table of food and maintaining perfect temperatures. She doesn’t quite catch the way Jay’s eyes flicker back to you, over and over again, repeatedly. 

“Huh? He was just telling me what was in the potatoes.” 

She takes your answer as truth without issue, and the conversation falls away and into something else. College life, job life, family life. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Okay so, you’re trying to hear yourself out here. Are you somehow curious and interested in speaking with Jay? Yeah. Do you know why? Also yes. For one, he just sold you a fucking interesting sex toy last weekend in the most uncomfortable way possible, and now he’s here at your family reunion to remind you of what you do in your apartment when you’re alone. 

His personality seems different this time too. He wasn’t monotone, he was snide with you about knowing who you are. He probably thinks its funny that he ended up at your family reunion over any other event.

So yeah, maybe you find yourself going up to the table for seconds even though you’re no longer hungry. Maybe you definitely wait until no one else is at the table and he appears to be tidying up the space and wiping up spills before speaking to him again. 

“Just how many jobs do you have?” You ask in a sarcastic tone when you reach him, the table between the two of you creating a comfortable distance to poke and prod.

He jumps only slightly at your presence because he didn’t notice you walking up. The brief break he’s taken from stealing glances so he could actually do his jobs appears to be the time you feel the need to finally approach. Still, he’s smiling again, looking at you up and down. 

“Plenty. How much lube do you have left?” He answers before shooting back his own question and getting right to the point. 

You freeze in shock at his question, reminding yourself that his monotone voice from the late dildo purchase is no more and he now comes across as vibrant and charming to you. You check him out for a moment, taking mental notes of what may not or may not be to like about him. You can’t tell if it’s good news or bad news that you’re not finding anything to raise any red flags. 

He’s bold, confidence, charming, clearly has a decent work ethic– 

“I can’t imagine you have much left, that thing was a fucking monster. We have tons in stock if you wanna–” He pauses to cover his mouth, forgetting that he’s supposed to be timid and gentle during his day job. He’s not supposed to be himself.

You find yourself laughing though, leaning over the table and holding out your empty plate. Mostly just to get in closer to him without alerting your family of a new future husband or something. 

“Why are you so interested in my ‘fucking monster”’ dildos anyway?” You narrow your eyes. 

He pauses, easing up at the way you’re just as cheeky and playful as he is, despite being surrounded by your family. It’s mildly inappropriate, but it’s making his shift go by quickly. You’re making his shift enjoyable today, so he continues. 

“I think anyone would be interested, with all things considered.” He checks you out again with a brief pause, knowing the size of that dildo you bought by heart, and fully aware that it probably ripped you in half if you really managed to put that thing anywhere inside of you. “Correction, they should be worried.” 

“You’re different from before,” you comment, both of you now blatantly staring down each other. “I like this version of you more.” 

Something inside of him feels giddy at that. Not to be cliche but he wonders if this is what it’s like to instantly have a crush on someone. Again, he’s not one to lie to himself. You’re pretty and you appear to be confident. Confident enough to take time from your family reunion to have a discussion about your plastic cock intake anyway.

“Maybe I’ll see you again sometime then.” He puts a hand forward, inviting you to shake it but you simply stare it down instead.  

“Yeah, maybe you will.” You smile, slapping his hand as if you’re low fiving him before swirling around and walking away thinking hard about the fact that…yeah, he might actually see you sooner than he thinks. 

Honestly, maybe within the next day or two because he was kind of right to ask about how much lube you have left, but it’s not like you’d answer that truthfully if at all. You might be running out after just two uses. He was right again about it being a fucking monster, because well, yeah. Maybe you’ll pop in and shop for bulk lube instead of rejecting his up-sale this time. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Unfortunately for you upon the reunion coming to an end, you get into your car and of course it doesn’t start. You drop your head to the steering wheel in a sigh and annoyed grunt.

The last thing you need is your father driving you home because he will lecture you about your car and how it’s got to be some fault of your own for it to not start. And you know, yeah maybe it was your fault. Why were your lights turned on during a sunny Sunday afternoon? Fuck if you know. Why were they left on for the entire nine hours you’ve been here at your parent’s house? You refuse to answer your own question.

And just as you go to accept your defeat, preparing to head back inside and take the walk of shame ten minutes after saying your goodbyes, a savior appears. 

That savior is none other than Jay,  walking up with his stiff button down shirt partially unbuttoned, hair now disheveled as he must have ruffled it up after the day of work. He watched you from his catering van for just a few minutes before finally getting out to offer his expertise. 

“The battery is dead.” He smiles, slapping both palms on your hood and leaning to look at you through the windshield. 

“Smart man, can you un-dead my battery before my dad comes out?”

Jay shakes his head apologetically. 

“I already checked the van for the cables, could be a write up on my part for not checking before leaving. We are supposed to have all sorts of shit to prevent breakdowns on a job. Not today though, apparently.” He scratches the back of his neck as he walks to your opened car door. 

“If you can hang tight for like ten minutes I can swing by after dropping the van off.”

Your eyes plead with him. You’d prefer this, yes. If he’s willing to help, you’re willing to accept.

“You sure I’m not too out of the way for you to do that?”

He shakes his head nonchalantly, waving you off as he leans into your car to pull your keys out of the ignition. He smells like food, obviously he does, but there’s a scent of something else on him that’s far more attractive. The dull scent of cologne that matches him all too well. 

“Don’t try to turn it on anymore if you don’t want your dad coming out.” He laughs. “I’m sure he would help you but if you’d rather I help you, I am more than happy to do it.”

He’s teasing. His little crush pushes him to want to help you, but he’s gonna play it off as casually as possible. 

“I’ll hang out here. My dad would lecture the fuck out of me.”

Jay nods, backing away and heading back to his van to fulfill his offer.

On another note, you’re shocked that your father didn’t hear the commotion, and even more shocked that he didn’t step outside once since the reunion ended. He must have been tired, and you know him, he sleeps like a rock and probably already hit the sack without even cleaning up the yard.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

“Oh, it’s dead dead.” Jay looks at you apologetically, peeking his head out from the side of your hood and through your window. 

“Define dead dead.” You comment, taking your keys out of the ignition with a huff. 

“Like, you need a new battery. This one is done for.”

You sigh loudly, knowing that now you’ll have to go ask your parents for a ride home. Knowing that your dad is going to add more to his lectures with each day your car is sitting in this driveway. This is so fucking annoying. At least you work from home though, so it’s not like you’re gonna lose your job over this or anything. 

Jay unhooks the cables and turns off his car, then stands there and watches you for a moment. You look frustrated and annoyed, and it’s very much like him to offer more help. 

Of course it is. 

“Would it be too forward to ask if you need a ride home?” 

You look at him confused, tilting your head and studying his body language much like before. You’re not one to decline someone making your life a little bit easier, and he is interesting to talk to. You nod slowly, then pause.

“You’ve worked all day, don’t waste your off-time helping me out.”

“I’m already wasting my off time on you though, might as well let me drive you home too?”

You stare at him. 

“Okay.”

The awkward silence sets in shortly after you seat yourself in his car. You fill that silence with small sarcastic comments about said car though, and soon it becomes easy to be in the space with him.

“Where did this sticker come from?” You ask, poking your finger into a sticker with its edges rolled from the summer heat, probably.

“Ex girlfriend, I couldn’t get it off without it leaving a residue so I’m just letting the sun do its job and melt it off.”

“Oh, harsh.” You laugh, wanting to prod further. “Why’d you break up?”

Jay pauses, you can tell by the way his foot lets up from the gas momentarily that he wasn’t expecting you to ask that. Then again, he’s said some weird shit to you too, so you figure it’s not an end-all question. 

“Was that too forward to ask?” 

“Not at all, just wasn’t expecting it,” He shakes his head with a small smile, nearly reaching his hand from the wheel to pat your leg in reassurance. He holds back, wondering why the fuck that urge felt so normal for him to do. “It’s been like a year, so I’m over it and stuff. She just thought I worked too much and didn’t spend enough time with her.”

“Ouch, even harsher.” You smile in reassurance to him, also feeling it normal to want to do that for some reason. “Her loss, I mean, discounted dildos and food? Huge loss.”

He laughs at your comments, briefly looking over at you once he stops at a red light. Your eyes are shining with life, with interest even. At that moment, he feels something between the two of you. Which is quite strange considering this is your first time officially meeting him outside of his working hours. He can’t help the way his face softens though, it happens against his will, honestly, it does. 

“You’re kind of cute,” You blurt, breaking eye contact with him and shifting in your seat. “and fun to hang out with.” 

“Hang out?” He laughs at you, eyes now adjusting back to the road and lowering his speed just to have a bit more time with you. “This is hardly a hang-out, but if you’re interested, I’m more than willing to check my schedule to see when I’m free next.”

You feel confidence raise up in your chest, bubbling to be free in the form of a question likely too bold to actually consider.

“You’re free right now…right?” You comment quietly, glancing at him. 

“Hm?” He asks, tightening his grip on the steering wheel and feeling your eyes on him. He heard you, but he wouldn’t mind hearing you repeat it.

“I said, you’re free right now.” You repeat, this time with more confidence. “Would it be too forward to ask if –”

“Nothing is too forward to ask, I literally sold you a dildo.” 

You pause in shock, all thoughts leaving your head.

“Damn, alright,” You laugh, feeling kind of warm inside at how his forwardness matches your own. “If you’re free right now, we could hang out right now.” 

How lucky for both of you. He’s actually not catering tomorrow and only has to be at work at the good ol’ sex shop in the evening. 

“Alright,” He nods, glancing over to you. “Kind of fucked up we are hanging out after I met your entire family and still haven’t gotten a name from you yet though, wouldn’t you think?” 

Oh fuck, he’s right. 

“I’m sure you heard the kids yelling it all day. Don’t be dramatic.”

He laughs, already in love with the idea of spending more time with you. 

And you hear him echo your name, asking where it is that you’d like to go. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

If your parents were to ask why you’re walking through your apartment building with the caterer following behind you, you’d have no excuse. Then again, as an adult, you don’t think you need one. It’s strange despite how open and casual you are with making friends though, because you never just invite strangers to your place for friendship. At least, not without hanging out a few times first. 

You guess it’s not super awkward because it’s true that he already knows things about you that your family doesn’t. Such as, the things you penetrate yourself with when you’re alone. It’s a major ice breaker, and something that makes the friendship with him come easy even after barely talking to the guy.

The few words you have shared have been easy and fun, so it’s only natural that if your instinct is to want to be around him a little longer, you’d invite him in right? You weren’t really expecting him to accept your answer to his question. 

“Where to then?” 

You thought for a moment when he asked that. You don’t go to clubs or bars anymore, most places would have been closing within the hour, and it’s not like you didn’t eat to peak fullness during the family reunion so having a late dinner with him was out of the question too. You answered him so easily, and he accepted in a way that seemed just as natural to him. 

“We could just hang out at my place, I’ve got plenty of streaming services, a gaming system, and wine.”

“Sounds good.” 

It was so easy to become friends with him, and now with him following you up to your apartment, the typical awkwardness that should come with this type of thing isn’t swarming your mind at all. He’s even making small talk about the building itself after parking in your parking spot. 

“This building is way nicer than mine, you got a door code and everything just to get in.”

“Wasn’t always like this. Being a single woman in a city like this calls for safety measures though.”

A little box in his head checks out. He didn’t even have to ask if you’re single, because he already assumed you were with the way you so easily invited him over. And in all fairness, you’ve been trying to find a reason to slip in your relationship status to him. 

By the time you get to your door with him, he’s polite when he walks in and takes off his shoes. Polite in the way he looks around and studies your space, even polite in the way he walks into the living room and invites himself onto your couch and grabs your remote. 

“I was going to say make yourself comfortable but–”

“Well, would you prefer I sit on your floor?” He shoots back with a sarcastic tone in his voice. “Would you prefer I start digging through your cabinets for snacks? Would you prefer–”

“You’re so much more talkative when I’m not trying to buy something from you.” You comment with a laugh, dipping into the kitchen for two glasses and that cheap bottle of wine. 

“Speaking of, do you actually use that thing and like it? I mean, I see some weird purchases but that specific one is super popular with the fetish groups.”

For the first time, you feel heat rise to your cheeks. You should have known that the sex toy would be a point of conversation, considering the first time you ever met was buying it. 

“Yes, I use it. I’m surprised you find it shocking considering it’s literally your job to know what people like in terms of getting off.”

He smiles at that, because you’re damn right he knows. Most of the time he would prefer not to know, but he always did wonder if, on the off chance, he ended up hooking up with a customer he’d have some prior knowledge of how they like it based on toys alone. 

“You know, normally people don’t buy toys on a Monday at nine in the morning.” 

“I buy toys at nine in the morning on a Monday,” You chuckle, carrying the two glasses and wine into the living room and plopping down next to him. “Why does that matter? I’m sure you make your quotas even on the slow days considering how hard you were trying to up-sell me.”

He shrugs as he watches you pour him a glass. 

“It’s easy to up-sell when you know people’s kinks after a few purchases. I do that to everyone just to gauge what they need so if they come back I can make more offers.”

“A true salesman.” You laugh with a pitied voice. “What would you say my kink is?”

He studies you, looking you up and down without shame and thinking hard about your single purchase. 

“Well, considering that specific item is, again, usually looked at by a specific type of person or couple, I’d say–”

“Wrong.” You interrupt before he even tries to make a guess. “I don’t have a kink, I just have a really high sex drive.”

You take a sip at his silence of being beaten to the punch, and then he takes his own thoughtful sip. 

“Okay then, What do you think my kink is?” He asks slyly, cup still against his lips as he sips again. 

“Wha–” You narrow your eyes at him, trying not to stare at him for too long because goddamn is he handsome. “Hell if I know, you probably don’t even have sex after being in a hyper-sexualized space like that for hours on end.”

“Wrong.” He pokes his tongue into his cheek and looks away from you with another casual chuckle.

“Are you telling me you have a pocket pussy or like, a buttplug or something?”

“Three pocket pussies, actually.”

You don’t know why you’re shocked. For some reason his sex toys becoming the focus makes you feel more shy than your own being the focus. 

“I bet you named them.”

“Pocket 1, Pocket 2, and Jessica.”

“Jessica?” You raise a brow despite the sarcastic banter, wondering if maybe that’s based on his ex girlfriend or something. 

He nods in a matter-of-fact tone with a proud smile. 

You feel comfortable around him, never having a friend who openly talks to you about these things without any type of awkwardness. It’s the fact that he’s a man too. Usually they think with their dicks and he seems to have no qualms in admitting that it’s something he may do from time to time too. 

You imagine he needs this type of personality to work such a job though, being casual about sex can be so difficult for your average joe because for some reason, it is embarrassing. It’s hard to talk about even to sex-shop employees. You like to think he’s probably someone who makes others feel comfortable about their sexual habits though, because you feel comfortable. 

“I’m lying by the way.” He cuts through your thoughts, “I only have two.” 

You nod energetically with a laugh. 

“Variety is good.” You continue, not mentioning the array of toys you have stashed away. 

“Yeah, I think experimenting with different things is good. I only really liked the two I kept though, I guess.”

“And yet, you’re shocked about my single dildo purchase without knowing of my other items of interest? I could have just been trying something new too, y’know.”

Another sip of wine, and another glance away from him because you were looking a little too fondly at that little scar on his nose, the birth mark on his neck, the way his lips crease when he swallows his drink and– yeah, you definitely glance away.

“No one buys that as a first time experience.” He comments, tapping the cup against his lips and looking at you.

You’re a little stunned by him, never having met a man so open to speaking like this, with a woman he barely knows no less. 

“Okay, enough about my dildo. I actually have a question about something you might have in stock but I’ve kind of been too embarrassed to ask until now.”

He nods, his personality shifting only slightly into that as the manager of the sex-shop.

“Oh? Embarrassed? Since when?” He jokes at first. “What is it then?”

“Do you guys have like,” you pause, unsure of why you’re even trying to ask. Again, it’s not like masturbation is embarrassing, nor is the purchasing of toys. Asking for a specific item is a bit too intimate to you though, seeing as how you usually just buy those things online. “Okay hear me out.”

“Tentacles? Furry buttplugs with tails attached? Bondage rope? Paddles?”

“No…” You pause at his spewing of different types of toys. “I know you have all of that.”

He pauses, studying the way you make yourself a bit smaller compared to just minutes before.

“Do you guys have sex dolls for women? You know, like, just a doll with a very normal dick?”

Jay fucking snorts. How mundane. 

Unfortunately for you though, Nope. 

“Nah, the owner tries to cater more towards men and fetish stuff. We’ve got fem tantaly dolls and all sorts of blow up dolls but he’s never brought in just like, a torso with a cock, if that’s what you’re asking.”

You shrug. 

“Guess sticking it to the wall is all I can do for now then. But like,” You pause, realizing that you’re actually going into detail at this point, which might be a little uncomfortable for him? Maybe? “It’s really annoying to have it sticking to the floor, and you’re like, riding it and it just pops off and stabs your thigh slipping out mid-orgasm.”

He snorts again, that pretty smile you’ve seen time and time again echoing the most attractive laugh you think you’ve heard in a long time. This time, his smile doesn’t fade as the seconds pass, no. He’s unable to stop laughing at the image of whatever orgasm instilled the frustration in you to even mention that happening. He tries to stifle his laughter with the last sip of his wine before choking it down and pushing his glass at you for more. 

“Noted,” He snorts, nodding his head and almost hiding his face from you. “I’ll tell the boss we need male sex dolls so the women don’t get dick-stabbed where they don’t need it mid orgasm.”

You glare. 

“Wait, no, because it actually hurts.” You frown at him. “I just wish your shop catered a little more to women who just wanna ride a dick without the dangers of riding said dick.” 

“Maybe you should slow down next time so the full force of your–” He pauses, realizing how sexual the image in his head is of you right now. “Um…” He trails off uncomfortably, unintentionally adjusting himself in his jeans by spreading his legs slightly against your couch. 

“Okay, wait. I’m sorry, is this conversation too much right now?” You ask, looking him up and down and giving him a new glass of wine. “You’re blushing.”

He tries to play it off. 

“As if you could make me blush.” He laughs at you, downing half of his glass in one go. “To make up for our lack of product though, and if you don’t tell anyone, I’ll give you a discount on your next purchase just for embarrassing yourself telling me that.”

“Oh, I was supposed to be embarrassed?” You counter, knowing that all you need to do is point out that he got flustered to shut him up. You opt not to because still, the two of you barely know each other. Instead, you opt to laugh along with him, letting your gaze fall back to studying all of those features he has that you didn’t quite notice before.

While you did notice he was handsome before, it’s not like you paid that thought any mind. There are a lot of handsome men out and about after all. It only starts to matter when they allow you to get close enough to appreciate it more. Not to mention, in your experience at various sex shops, most employees of them are mundane and nonchalant. Some are strange old men, or cool old women. Jay though? Jay.

Hmm…how to explain him?

With his messy hair that covers his eyes every time he whips his head toward you in a laugh, with his sharp jawed smile and pretty eyes. The little marks and celestial kisses against his skin that shows you of a life he’s been living. He feels…warm. Like everything about him looks comforting, smells comforting, sounds comforting. And now, even compared to when you met him at the shop, even at the reunion just this afternoon…he’s so much more handsome in this moment. 

Learning his personality, hearing his voice say your name, having him take the time to not only help you but befriend you? 

His shoulders are broad, and he’s just… you don’t even know how to explain to yourself the attraction you have toward him at this moment. Handsome is one thing, and you would have continued calling him that if it weren’t for the fact that he’s laughing with you on your couch about a ruined orgasm. 

“You know, Jay,” You start, looking into your glass and swirling the liquid inside, then you look up again and make eye contact. “I’m really not usually this forward but like,”

His brain stops for a moment at the serious tone in your voice, his expression softens and you can tell he’s listening. 

“I know masturbation and stuff is normal, and like, you see and talk about these things all the time but I never really talk about it to other people, they always get weird about it.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true. I can’t say this is the most normal hang out I've ever had. Usually we talk about our favorite movies or books or something.”

You wave him off. 

“Yeah, that’s a good point. We could talk about our favorite movies but I find myself, um–” You stop for a second. 

“Is talking about it making you realize that it’s uncomfortable?” 

“No, the opposite actually.” You laugh, now actually feeling embarrassed. “I keep thinking about you mentioning the other things you’ve bought and experimented with.”

“Oh? You’re curious?” He laughs, now feeling a bit shy himself because he’s pretty sure that’s you asking him to put images in your head. “I mean I could go into detail but it actually might be too-telling right now.”

You nod, unsure of why you even suggested.

“Maybe next time?” You change the subject with a smile, one that does seem slightly disappointed. 

“There’s a next time?” He smiles, setting his glass down on your table and shifting toward you.

“I don’t see why not? I’m having fun, plus you offered me a discount.”

He nods, looking around the room and checking the time. 

“I should probably head out then? We’ve both had a long day.” 

You nod back to him, feeling a bit sad. 

“When are you free next?” You ask, grabbing your phone in a way that seems a bit too excited. “Can you give me your number?”

He obliges, exchanging phone numbers and promising to contact you with his next free day or night to hang out. Just as he goes to leave though, for some reason both of you feel as though the satisfaction of this hang out wasn’t reaching full potential. 

“Hey, um,” He stops before he puts his shoes back on. “Would it be too forward to say I’m not tired and wouldn’t mind–”

“Staying for a bit longer?” You finish his sentence for him, patting the couch as if that was also on your mind.

He doesn’t even respond, and instead makes his way back onto the couch where the cushion is still warm, unable to help the fluttering feeling in his chest.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

It's almost two in the morning by the time he offers to leave again, and yet, he stays at your clear disappointment of the offer. Another hour later, the two of you are sitting contently and pretending to watch some shitty tv show in comfortable silence. 

“We should say something.” He blurts, mid episode.

“What do you mean?”

He turns toward you. 

“We should talk about this.” He motions at the space between the two of you. 

You’re silent while you try to build up the confidence to meet him half-way again. 

“You can correct me if you’re not interested but I actually really would like it if you kissed me or something.” He adds as you continue to process what he seems to be getting at.

You’re taken aback by his forwardness for some reason, and instantly you knew he didn’t communicate this earlier for your own sake. Thankfully, you’ve tried to make it easy for him to read you and he ate it up like his favorite meal. The content feeling between the two of you was buzzing up to this point. Very loudly in your brain where you were thinking of how to kiss him before the night is up. Even as just a “thank you” if he were to turn away from it. 

“Oh yeah?” You ask, tilting your head and seeing him scoot closer. “Kiss you, or something?”

He nods his head, looking at you without much issue and searching for a reaction. 

“Are you interested in me like that, in any way?” He asks, looking for confirmation.

“Oh, most definitely.”

The smile that spreads across his face is one that you can argue will be unforgettable. It’s an expression you hope to bring to every person in your life, one that seems to express nothing but relief, excitement, and maybe even a hint of bashfulness.

“You thought I'd invite you inside without being interested?” You smile at him, feeling a little bit fuzzy in the head at the admittance. 

“I thought you were just being nice, or like, just interested in friendship,” He rambles on, stopping himself short to give more context to that statement. “I mean, it would be fine if this was all for friendship and I'm happy with that too but I can admit to coming into your apartment with maybe, uh, a small crush.” 

“I can admit to inviting you in with a small crush, maybe.” 

“Maybe.”

“Are we being too forward?” You ask, emphasizing the repetitive way that word seems to appear. “Even though you’re in my apartment at an ungodly hour and both of us are giving any and every excuse to keep you here?”

He smiles this time in a way that appears to be self-soothing, and you can imagine you are too. It’s always nerve-wracking to walk on eggshells with another person, the threat of wondering if you'll fall alone or fall with them into a new version of partnership. 

You don’t think about the lack of knowing him past a purchase, a quick conversation at a family reunion, or the past several hours he’s huddled up with you on this couch. You simply don’t think it’s strange at this point. After all, you’ve met people online and invited them over without much more than a name, age, and quick conversation about what they want sexually. How is this worse? How is this strange? 

“You’re right. Maybe we should stop being so polite when the reality of it is that I’ve been imagining what you’ve done with that toy since the day you bought it.” 

Okay, maybe that was too forward but all is lost now as your image of him changes drastically within the mere seconds it took him to say that, not in a bad way either. Again, of course he’s comfortable admitting it, the dude stares at dicks and holes all day. But now he’s staring at you, and talking directly to you.

Your silence makes him shift a bit, shaking his head apologetically. 

“Found the boundary, got it.” He shames himself with a timid voice, looking away from you and back to the tv with a hint of embarrassment. “I’m not lying though.” He adds after a few more minutes of your silence.

“Not much of a boundary if I admit that I was blatantly asking you earlier what you’ve done to experiment with your toys.”

“Aha! So I was right in thinking you were straight up asking for mind-porn of me?!” He feels instantly comfortable again, turning his entire body toward you as he folds up one of his legs to sit on with a little bounce. 

“Maybe, but what do you mean you’ve been imagining since I bought it? You barely made eye contact with me that day.”

“Oh, I was checking you out the whole time you shopped. Imagine my face when I knew exactly what toy you were reaching for.”

You shove him by the shoulder with a laugh, realizing that this is the first bodily contact you’ve ever had with him, but he actually leans into your shove rather than out of it. Meaning, he barely budges. 

“If I looked you in the eye at the register, you would have thought I was some pervert.” 

“You are a pervert. You said it had, what? Twelve other colors?” 

He shrugs with a pained smile at how cringe he must have sounded to you. 

“You seemed more like a sparkly pink girl rather than a normal flesh tone girl. Then again, this was before I knew you were looking for a literal male sex doll for super normal pretend-sex.”

You shove him again, your laugh coming out more forced now at the way he jokes with you. Once again, he doesn’t budge. In fact, he’s leaning in closer. 

“Now hold on, you didn’t mention anything about one having glitter in it.” You joke, wiggling your brows. 

“You trying to fuck a man or a magic unicorn?” He laughs yet again, all of it coming out more forced as the two of you drag out information just to hear the dirty words in a voice you’re only just realizing you like far too much. 

“A man.” You dead-pan, this time not laughing, looking him dead in the eye and trying to pretend you don’t notice how close the two of you have gotten. “Why else would I go for more human skin tones?”

“Fuck if I know, I haven’t met a single man who has vibration settings or rolling beads though.” 

You snort. 

“Shame…but also, why do you think I’m on the hunt for the most mundane sex toy a woman can buy now? The rolling beads almost had me passing out.” 

“Was it too much?” He asks seriously, hoping to god it was. 

“A little bit, yeah.”

“I can imagine you want something to feel real after that.”

For some reason, his words hit you straight in the gut. Your stomach drops as your attraction heightens, and suddenly you’re just staring at him as you respond. 

“I can imagine so, yeah.” 

He stares back, almost no space between the two of you as the banter only brought you both mentally and physically as close as possible without becoming twisted together. 

“When was the last time you felt something real?” He asks against his better judgment, wondering if you’re on the same page with him. Wondering if all this banter was leading to somewhere or nowhere. Because he could have sworn admitting to wanting you to kiss him, and you’ve yet to do so. 

“A month and a half.” You respond dryly, suddenly needing something to drink. 

He glances down at your neck when you swallow around your words, then stares at your lips before breathing in a sigh. One that was supposed to relieve the tension in this moment, but only building it more because he knows you see him do it. He knows you see him wet his bottom lip too.

“Are you going to kiss me, or are you planning to wait another month and a half to get what you want?” He continues on his streak of boldness as if to distract you from noticing the sexual tension, feeling his heart skip beats at the intensity of the moment. 

“It’s not like we have anything better to do.” You start, leaning in and still looking straight into his eyes.

“Are you suggesting that I’m boring?” He narrows his eyes as he feels your breath against his lips, still sweet from the wine that did close to nothing in terms of altering the brain. The two of you are totally planted into reality, if anything, a little drunk on the other. 

“Not at all.” You adjust your words from earlier, there, hovering just over his lips. “I’m just saying that nothing is more interesting than kissing you right now.”

Oh, the fluttering in his belly is so fucking intense right now. No eighteen inch alien tentacle dildo on a shelf could scare him as much as you do at this moment. Intimidatingly outspoken and aware of your wants and needs. His eyelashes flutter just like his stomach does, closing them slowly until he can feel your lips on his. 

Your stomach, on the other hand, has been doing flips since the first instance he admitted to wanting to stay. All of the tension, all of the comfortable silence, all of the glances, the smiles, the laughing, all of it was leading up to this. The moment your lips hit his, they feel much like you imagined they would. 

Soft, plush, warm. The thin lipped grins he’s given you all day now laying flat against your own lips, no longer grinning, now just wanting. And he’s gentle, so fucking gentle with it. Never has a man asked you to kiss him. Usually they close the gap to try and swoon you. It appears you’re both being swooned by each other at the moment though, and his soft kiss only pulls back momentarily before he leans forward, closer.

The third touch, save for you shoving him, his lips on yours, and now…his hand on your cheek. Caressing so gently as he deepens the kiss with ease. The heat rises up and through your skin at the simple touch. You think he must feel it with the way he chuckles into the kiss and starts peppering them against your lips over and over again. A split second between each lay of his lips, and then another solid kiss. One where you finally start moving yours too.

It’s slow and languid in the way he kisses you like this, barely even darting his tongue out but focusing more on your cheek against his palm. He can feel your jaw move as you kiss and can’t help but love what’s happening, and when you’re the one to lick against his lower lip, he falls in so easily. 

That little movement from you, that little feeling of your tongue experimentally prodding his lips open releases the last bit of tension holding him back. He pulls back to look at you and you’re not backing down even slightly. 

“Does this feel more real for you?” He asks in a snide way, swiping your bottom lip with his thumb of the glistening saliva before tilting his head with a smile. 

You very nearly roll your eyes at him for that. And by very nearly, you do roll your eyes at him and can’t help but smile yet again. 

“I’ll take that as a yes,” He says, palm still against your cheek, tips of his fingers toying with the baby hairs on your hair-line. “because I can imagine that the toy couldn’t ki-”

You shoot forward to kiss him again, only just realizing how awkward the positioning is considering neither of you were probably expecting more than a first kiss. 

He laughs into it, knowing you were silencing him of something that could arguably be the most cringe-worthy thing he can say after kissing you. His laughs start to stifle though, as you press forward and somehow manage to have his back against the seat of the couch and you planting yourself on top of him. 

“Can you shut up about the toy now? I thought we got past that,” You argue as you pull back, your cheek already missing the feeling of his palm against it. “You can’t just act like this and then say some dumb shit like that.”

You’re joking, he knows it. If anything, you’re complimenting him right now and he eats it the fuck up as he stares up at you. 

“Was I wrong though?” 

You take a moment to look at him, realizing that this is the man who you just kissed. With his hair a mess and fanned out on the cushions, strands falling in front of his eyes, but mostly swept back and exposing the entirety of his forehead to you. 

You reach forward and brush a strand from his eyes. 

“Actually, say whatever you want.” You correct yourself and manage to ignore his question.

“Why the sudden change of heart?” He half-chuckles as he brings his hands up to sit against your waist, hoping you don’t pull out of the intimate position the two of you are in. 

“I don’t know, I was just looking at you and thought it would be stupid for me to try to argue with you right now.”

“Why’s that?” He prods for more compliments, feeling himself twitch at the way you look hovering over him. 

“Are you trying to argue right now?” You tilt your head, adjusting yourself now to sit directly on his thighs and lay forward, both hands cushioning your chin on his chest as you straddle him. 

“Would it be so wrong to admit that you’re fun when you argue with me?” 

You can feel him breathe under you, nearly rocking you further and further into whatever headspace Jay seems to put you in. It’s too comfortable, and it almost feels as though you’ve been with him for years now. You barely know him, yet you’re lying on him as if you got married two years ago. Insane how this works. How the heart works, or the brain, or whatever drives the arousal you’re feeling right now. 

“Will you argue if I ask to show you my room?” You start, lifting back up and away from his chest, now scooting forward a bit. You don’t dare sit on it yet, but you very much would like to if he were to suggest not moving at all from this couch. “My bed.”

He stutters and quickly quiets his excited words, replacing his voice with a nod and a sharp inhale.

“Hah! Telling me to argue and instantly buckling the second I mention my bed.” You laugh, pulling yourself up and sauntering out of his view.

He stares at the ceiling for a moment, in a daze over just how much he likes you. He wonders, would you be shocked to know he hasn’t had sex in much longer compared to you? One and a half months for you? That’s nothing to him. He’s been besties with his right hand for at least six months by now. Trust him when he says that it truly was difficult to not turn into a hormonal idiot when he saw you in the shop that day. 

Finally, he shakes himself out of the spaced out horny brain staring at your ceiling and stands to his feet. He’s quick to adjust the bulge in his jeans, uncomfortably shaking his leg before looking toward where you walked off to.

“Um.” He stops, realizing you were watching him, looking directly at the spot he just adjusted. “I mean,” He tries to start again, adjusting again as he feels it slowly move out from its tucked place. “Listen,”

“No, I get it.” You say, snickering at his embarrassment as if he somehow doesn’t know you were suggesting at least some foreplay by moving to your room.

“Of course you do,” He drops his head, now blatantly shoving his hands down his pants to adjust before looking back up and taking a step forward. “You’re the one who sat on me like that.”

“Please, I didn’t even sit on it.” 

“Didn’t need to.” He shrugs, now coming up to you and waiting for you to guide him through your space and into your room. 

Once the two of you get there, him not even attempting to hide that he is very aroused at this moment, you’re very quick to turn and face him once he comes inside. 

“We are on the same page, right?” You ask, looking at his lips and the way they still look so kissable. 

“As far as I know, with all things considered.” He responds, looking down at himself and how pathetic he must seem in getting so aroused by nothing more than a kiss and a position change. 

You smile, reaching for his hand and watching him tumble forward to you. Now standing mere inches in front of you. 

“Do you want to see it?” You ask, a cheeky smirk on your face as you turn away from him and run to your bedside table. 

He has no idea what the fuck you’re referring to until he sees it. There, in all of its non-human glory. Jay ticks his tongue, curiously straining his neck out to peek at what else is in your drawer as he walks closer. 

You make no attempt to close the drawer and instead pull out another one, and another one, another one.

“If you keep pulling out toys I’ll start to think you were lying in saying you wanted to feel something more, um–”

“Real?” You say, turning from your presented line-up of toys to look at him. 

He nods, gazing over the toys, four dildos all far bigger than he is. 

“I can admit that men can’t vibrate, nor do they have those little rotating beats but,” You chuckle at the conversation, scooping the toys up quicker than you laid them out and tossing them back into the drawer. “They’re not warm, or attached to someone that can kiss me. They’re also not witty.”

You study his expression.

“They don’t make me laugh before getting me off.” You continue, wondering if you may actually be too forward about this now. 

He’s rendered a bit speechless, which is rare for him in any given situation. He always has a quick response, not at this moment though as he looks at you. He wonders if you pity that obvious act of self-doubt upon seeing your toys. 

“They’re not attached to you.” You add, this time stifling your chuckle, because it’s a pretty funny conversation if you look at it from the outside but you can imagine he must be feeling some type of way to be so quiet.

He thinks hard about it, knowing damn well where this was leading and pushing for it himself. Hearing you now though, so confidently say these things, all doubt erases from his mind. 

“Before we do anything,” he starts, his shaky voice coming out more confident as he continues. “Is this just a hook-up to you or are you feeling the way I’m feeling right now?”

You look at him with a question in your eyes. He was kind of shocked that you didn’t finish for him this time, actually. 

“Like, you know if we do this, I’m going to be calling to take you out to dinner at some point unless you say you don’t want me to, right?”

You hadn’t thought of anything past him since you’ve gotten here. You didn’t think about anything more than hanging out with him, and now, kissing him, and maybe you know, feeling him. For some reason though, despite the lack of sex you’ve had lately, him saying that only arouses you more. It’s been so long since you’ve intended to sleep with someone and have them want to stick around after. Some of the people you’ve been with didn’t even ask for your number. Is this what adult relationships are actually like? 

“As in, you’d want to see where this goes in the–”

“Future, yes. I’m not just going to fuck you and pretend I didn’t when I see you again.”

Shockingly, that’s a first for you and you like the feeling it gives you. Plus, him implying that he’s about to, or very willing to, fuck you sends a wave of fondness through you.

“Alright. Let’s not call it a hook up then.” You say, the playful arousal from before stifling out at the idea of being intimate with someone who is making you aware that you’ll see him again, now being replaced with…feelings? Arousal with feelings?

“What should we call it?” 

“A date?” You say back immediately, sitting on your bed and finally closing your bedside drawer. 

“Oh, you fuck on the first date?” 

You laugh at how quickly his wit comes back, especially with the way he crowds up and stands in front of you. 

“With you? Looks like it.” You smile wide for him, feeling the tension bleed away and replace itself again with the arousal of him standing and looking down at you. 

“How did we not meet earlier?” He asks, leaning down a bit as if to kiss you.

“Fuck if I know, I bought all of those toys at your shop.”

“Ah, right. Nine in the morning on a Monday. I don’t usually work mornings.”

“Guess I got lucky last time then.”

“I guess you did.” He adds like a period to a sentence, finally kissing you again and making no effort to hide the fact that he’s attempting to lay you down much like you did to him before. 

You let him, falling back on your bed and feeling him nudge your legs to spread. Again, you let him, feeling your heart begin to race with excitement in the way he kisses you now versus how he did it earlier. 

There is clear intent behind it this time, as he positions himself between your legs. Your heart only races faster when one of his hands slides down your arm and he tangles his fingers with yours. It’s all very intimate to be coming from a man you officially met today, but you really do feel lucky. 

Lucky that he works two jobs, lucky that your family throws lame ass reunions every five years, lucky that you left your headlights on during a sunny sunday afternoon, lucky that your battery died. 

It’s so normal already to smile into the kiss and feel giddy inside. Never have you smiled into a kiss save for laughing when a leg cramp happens mid-fuck. You can’t believe how much you’ve smiled and laughed today, and you can’t believe he’s making you react this way just by holding your fucking hand and kissing you this way. 

He laughs when you react though, probably feeling at ease on your bed with you under him, squeezing your fingers tightly each time he licks against your tongue. And when he pulls back to breathe, you just look at him and the way his hair hangs in front of his eyes. He looks so pretty at this angle, even when he’s moving slowly, even when his other hand remains planted beside your head to hold his weight from falling onto you. 

It’s not been since highschool that you’ve laid with someone simply making out, fully clothed, giggling. You’re unsure of how he’s pulled this out of you, because usually when a man is on top of you, you’re already trying to get his clothes off. But this? This is something that you want to last. You want it to be slower than a usual fuck, because you like when he’s here with you. Whether on top of you or not, there was a reason he’s stayed this late already and you already know it wasn’t solely to fuck you.

“Did you expect to be on top of me someday?” You ask between kisses, and he takes that as an invitation to laugh against your neck and tickle your cheek with his messy hair. 

“Expect it? No,” He starts, leaving a kiss just under your ear before lowering his lips to the collar of your shirt and kissing there too. “Hoped I could, though.” 

Your heart swells up at that. You realized he must have meant it when he admitted to having a small crush on you. Only now do you realize that the curiosity that brought you back up to the food-table during the reunion may have been the start of a crush on your end too. 

You don’t say anything more after that and instead fall into the feeling of his lips kissing along your collar. For some reason the sensation of his lips pushing the fabric out of the way so he can kiss new exposed skin makes you feel incredibly wanted. Maybe it’s the pace, or maybe it’s just because you really really like him, and want him to want you. 

“Do you want to take it off?” You ask after a few more of his kisses, wanting to control yourself but also very much wanting to feel his lips everywhere else too. 

You can feel him nod in the form of his hair tickling your cheek more. But he doesn’t move from that spot at first, continuing to kiss you the same way and in the same places. You let him, up until he finally sighs and pulls back. 

Looking at him now, even compared to a few moments ago, he looks even more pretty. His eyes are now soft, you can almost see the lines from where he’s smiled for you all day. His lips, looking more kissable than they did the past two times you thought they looked as kissable as they ever could. His eyebrows, showing no signs of tension but permanently arched in a way that makes him appear constantly moody. 

You’re staring and you’re not intending to hide it. Even as he lifts your shirt from your waist and starts to pull it up. You barely budge as you stare, and stare, until you can’t because he’s trying to pull your shirt over your head.

“If you’d stop staring for two seconds maybe I could get this off of you–” He smiles knowingly, finally pulling it off when you arch your back and then prop yourself up slightly with your hands. “There.”

He sighs when he says it, going silent and almost frozen at the image of your nearly-naked torso. You watch him stare now, a smirk forming all too quickly.

“Now look who’s staring.” You chuckle, noting that his eyes still don’t leave the newly exposed skin or the fabric of your bra.

“Yeah, I am.” He admits, wetting his lower lip again and then flicking his eyes to you. “Why wouldn’t I?”

Suddenly, that eye contact makes you feel shy. You’re more naked than he is, despite mostly being dressed still.

“You know,” you start, avoiding his intense eye contact just to get the words out. “If we just take all of our clothes off now, it would probably be easier.”

He lets out a breathy chuckle at you but nods, already lifting his shirt off and going for his zipper and button.

“There’s no rush, but if you’d prefer we do,” He scoots back and away from you, standing to his feet to shove his jeans down his legs. “I don’t mind.”

You watch him undress and lose all ability to act on your own for a solid thirty seconds before you finally start panic-shimming the rest of your clothing off. Save for bra and panties, and he, now standing there clad in only a pair of form-fitting briefs. 

You’re glad he isn’t as shy as you at this moment though, or rather, he appears to be entirely infatuated with your body and doesn’t look away from it for even a moment to feel embarrassed himself at standing on the side of your bed nearly nude. 

“No rush?” You ask, when he finally trails his eyes up to you and takes his position between your legs from earlier. Except now, you can see his biceps and the way they flex, now, you can feel the immense amount of warmth radiating from him. Now, his hair is even more of a mess.

“I can try,” He says quietly, balancing on one hand and lowering his lips to yours once more, trying to ignore how dangerously close his length is to bumping against your core. “No promises now, though.”

You smirk, wondering where he lost his self control within that short span of time where you got undressed. He cuts your chuckle off mid-way though, now kissing you again and moving his hand up and down your waist. It tickles and causes goosebumps to form all over you, to the point that you can’t help but sigh into his kiss. 

He continues, still holding his hips back from grinding against you, kissing you as good as he can until trailing back to your neck again. 

It’s not until you run your fingers through his hair that he sighs himself. That relief and heavenly feeling of your fingers scraping the back of his neck— such a simple touch can literally send him straight to hell at this point and he wouldn’t care a single bit as long as it’s from you and your hands. 

He lowers himself more, just to prevent his hips from intruding into this moment only to lock his lips onto the mound of your breast, other hand lowering so he can lay down and push your bra to the side a bit. 

The cold air that hits your nipple is short-lived when you feel him immediately suck it into his mouth with a deep breath. You continue to scratch through his hair, now using your other hand to nearly hug his head in place as you feel the sensations shoot straight between your legs. Each flick of his tongue sends signals to your brain to go! go! go! But much like him, you hold back, even though your legs still manage to squeeze his body between yours in an attempt to find the friction he isn’t yet offering. 

He continues this for a few minutes, and then works his fingers under the bra on the other side of your chest before switching his lips to that one. Perking them up so perfectly that he can graze his teeth against either nipple and feel your legs react to it. All of it is turning him on beyond belief, it’s dangerously attractive to him now too, to know that you have several toys that could have already gotten you off by now, but you choose this. You choose his lips playing with your tits, and your legs doing an amazing job of showing him your lack of control. After all, toys can’t give you the foreplay that he can.

His lips continue their work, up until he’s trailing further and further down, making your sighs hitch higher and higher in pitch. He kisses your waist, just above your belly button, then just below your belly button before leaning back.

There, he looks directly at the seat of your panties and smiles at the wet spot there. He plants a kiss right in the center of your mess  before climbing back up and caressing your cheek again. 

“You’re wet.” He comments in a huskier voice than he normally uses, balancing yet again on his other arm.

Goddamn, if this is how he sounds when he’s with a girl then you feel more lucky than before. You can’t imagine the amount of women who have fallen completely in love with this guy. And, before you can actually respond to him with another cheeky comment, his hand on your cheek disappears and is instantly between your legs, cupping you there and even scooting you up the bed with the force of how he grabs you.

You hitch out a sigh and look at him with a smile.

“Obviously.” You say back, rolling your eyes playfully before unintentionally bucking your hips into the pressure his palm offers against your clit. 

“Cute too.” He adds, lifting his palm to run his fingers up the wet spot on your panties before pressing in slightly. 

You can feel the fabric stick to you uncomfortably, but it still feels so fucking good. Any amount of touching from him feels good, if you’re being honest. 

“And you’re teasing me.” You argue, looking away from his smirk as he plays with the wet fabric against his fingers. 

“Just ask. I’m not teasing you if you're not telling me what you want.” 

You shoot your eyes back to him, a mixture of curiosity and shock in your eyes. It’s true though, you are a little shocked. Most men really just do what they want, and so do you. Never have you been asked what you want. 

Your eyes trail down as far as they can, what his hand is doing is mostly hidden between your legs but you focus entirely on the way his arms flex as his fingers travel up and down your panties. 

“You want me to ask?” You question, hips bucking up again unintentionally. 

“Not so much ask, but like, tell me what you want.”

He nods to himself as he says it, licking his bottom lip and pressing the fabric of your panties in yet again. 

It’s not that he doesn’t want to do what he wants right now though, definitely not. He just figures you know your body far better than he does, and he’d rather not make assumptions and embarrass himself when you could just ask him or better, guide him. Who is he to assume you want his fingers right now anyway?

“I’ve never…” You start, swallowing your words as your brain goes back to focusing on his fingers momentarily. “I haven’t–”

He knows what you’re trying to say, so he attempts to make it a bit easier for you. 

“Do you want me to pull your panties to the side?” 

You sigh with a nod, looking at him and allowing him to guide you through telling him what you want.

“Do you want me to touch you?” 

You nod again, pushing your head back against the mattress out of frustration that you, for some reason, can’t find the words to just tell him yourself. 

He listens to your body though, more than your weak nods and frustrated sighs. The way your legs shake when he asks, the way you react to the air hitting your folds when he does push your panties to the side. He can’t bear to look down yet though, because he knows for a fact that if he were to pull back and look at you in full, he’d no longer be asking you what you want. He’d be embarrassing for sure. 

You can feel his fingers now sliding through your folds though, bare pussy out and on display but not yet being looked at, only being felt. And arguably, all you can do right now is feel too, as he leans forward to kiss you in this silent moment. 

His fingers continue to explore as he kisses you, collecting all of your arousal and swirling it around your clit before sliding back down and prodding at your entrance. You make a sound at that, kissing him a little harder than before when he lets out a hum.

“Hm?” He hums against your lips, and you nod to him. 

There, he dips a finger in only slightly. Your arms reach around his neck at the feeling and pull him closer to you. To the point that you can feel him struggle to angle his hands right to slide in deeper, but you pay no mind to it. At least not until you kiss the fucking daylights out of him.

That, you do. Kissing him with full-force and making a show of how turned on you are for him. He feels it, with or without your kiss bruising him. The wetness on the tip of his finger only becomes wetter, and when you release your grip around his neck, he still doesn’t leave the kiss.

He goes back to gently kissing you, focusing more on his fingers than what his tongue is doing. He slides that same finger in all the way now, feeling your walls clench almost instantly and beg for more. Chuckling at the feeling, he fucks his finger into you experimentally before pulling them out and adjusting two fingers at your entrance. 

“Hm?” He hums again, and you nod again.

So, two fingers slide in and you’re releasing a soft moan against his lips. Already out of breath from focusing so hard on how he feels when he touches you. Your lips fall slack just to catch that lost breath, and he doesn’t argue, going right back to that spot on your neck to kiss as he picks up rhythm with his fingers. Effectively fucking you open with them as you cling to him.

You hate to say you didn’t pay much attention to his hands until now. Having not noticed how deep just those two digits reach inside of you, and good fucking lord does he know how to use them too. Curling them up at just the right moment to have your legs shaking. 

Never have your legs fucking shook for a man. This only happens with the g-spot stimulating toys. God, you open your eyes to look at the ceiling in thought, and it has you wondering if he even knows he’s doing it. 

“Keep doing that–” you urge him, and he hums at you finally at least trying to tell him what you want. 

He finally lifts from your neck to look at you, now placing his weight back on that one free arm that had been toying with the ends of your hair this entire time, and he’s fucking floored. Even if he pictured you before with those toys, none of those images came close to this. And it’s just his fingers? No where near the size of your toys, no where near as expensive, or warm…or alive.

Oh. You want to feel someone who wants you. 

“I’ll do anything you want.” He says, doing exactly as you asked except a little faster, still hitting that spot inside of you so perfectly that you’re moaning out now. 

He tunes in entirely to the sounds you’re making, the faces you’re making, and the way your pussy clenches around just those two fingers. He is aching at this point, pulling back from hovering over you to sit now between your legs, fingers still keeping pace, and sliding his other hand down his briefs. 

You don’t notice at first, too enthralled by the feeling of his curling fingers inside of you, but when you do–

“God,” You moan, rolling your eyes at the image of him out of breath, both hands working to pleasure both of you. “Come here.”

He listens, already pulling his hand away from himself but keeping his fingers in you, in a daze as he takes his original position of hovering over you.

“No, I mean, come here.” You say, looking at him as you reach between your bodies and pull his fingers out of you, then reach to grab between his legs. 

He immediately moans at the feeling, his hips pressing harshly into your grip with a whine as he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes just to feel it. 

“Pull it out.” You continue, slowly becoming more and more comfortable telling him what you want. 

Just watching him do what you ask is insanely hot. The way he pulls his cock out seems so natural to him, you suddenly imagine what he must look like all alone while getting himself off. Thankfully though, he’s not all alone right now, he’s with you, and you intend to be getting him off. 

You look at him, between his legs, and then back at him once more before grabbing it again and practically pulling his hips to you by the cock. He groans all the same at it though, and only holds his breath when he feels your legs spread further and essentially press his cock between your folds and hold it there from the head. 

“Grind.” You say, still holding your hand in place to keep the pressure against him, which also puts pressure against your clit when he does grind up.

You both shiver at it, and he still looks down at you, fucking smiling through his sighs of relief regarding the new sensations you’re offering. 

“You’re actually fucking perfect.” He compliments, fucking his hips up and coating his cock with the dripping of your needy cunt. 

Out of everything he’s ever said to you up to this point, out of everything he’s fucking done to you, that’s the one thing that has you spiralling into a world of fire. It makes you feel so warm, especially with the head of his cock bumping your clit. He has barely gotten any friction and he is still calling you perfect? Sign you the fuck up, forever, actually. 

“Don’t be stupid,” You start, waving him off between moans and gripping his shoulders.

He grinds up harder at your words though, now propping himself up on his elbows and grabbing your face on both sides. 

“You, don’t be stupid.” He says clearly, pointing his thrusts directly at your clit and moaning only slightly as he looks at you.

You swear, at that moment he could see your entire life. Everything about you. Everything you love and hate. The way he doesn’t look through you but at you? 

“You’re actually insane.” You laugh, crumbling to his pointed gaze and thrusts, your legs automatically shooting up to wrap around his waist. 

He seems proud of being called insane right now. Mostly because he can come up with at least fifty reasons as to why this is anything but insanity, but he remains quiet at the feeling of your legs squeezing around him. 

Such a girl was looking for mundane sex toys to have normal sex with? Lucky you, this is his fucking favorite. Plain ‘ol missionary? Check. Legs squeezing around him, almost pulling him in? Check. Looking directly at the face of the person he wants to make feel good? Check. 

You barely notice his lack of control by this point, the closeness alone feels like you’re already having sex but you realize you’re entirely empty still. This is fine though, until it’s not.

When does it not become fine? When his confident moans turn to soft sighs, and you notice his arms shaking a bit to hold his weight above you, and when his eyes go dead staring at you. You can tell he’s focused entirely on the feeling between the two of you, doing nothing more than aggressive yet…weak grinds? 

“Jay,” You say, slightly out of breath. 

“Hm?” He responds half-heartedly, releasing his weight from one elbow and dropping his head between your neck and shoulder.

“Fuck me.”

It’s like you can feel the switch in his head go from losing sanity to gaining it back in an instant at those words. He felt like he was pleasuring himself against you for so long, with so much friction between your hand and his abdomen constantly pressing into it. He could have gotten off from this, if you wanted him to anyway. It would have been an intense orgasm after working up for so long too, but now? 

He doesn’t even say anything, he doesn’t even move his head from between your neck and shoulder. Instead, you feel him expertly adjust his hips and press in without much trouble. He finds exactly where he belongs so fucking fast that is has you spinning and clenching immediately. 

“Shit,” He drones out with a long sigh, slowly sinking his cock into you. “You’re throbbing.” 

You chuckle, because yeah. You definitely are, but so is he. You can feel his thick length spreading you open inch by inch, until he’s fully planted into you and twitching. Then he doesn’t move again.

“This alone could do me in,” He chuckles against your neck, breathing in a deep sigh and attaching his teeth to your lower ear lobe. “Honestly, I can't believe I didn’t already cum  just from having my fingers in you.”

You’re both flattered and shocked by this comment, before you can even think to respond he’s talking again.

“You’re so tight, so wet.” He soothes himself through the feeling of your walls clenching around him by explaining how good your pussy feels, not yet wanting to move and just wanting to feel what your body does to him on its own. “It’s so hard not to move right now.”

“Please,” You manage to get out, struggling to focus on just one thing with the way he’s talking and the way he sits so perfectly inside of you. “Please, move.”

And he does, instantly. Pulling out and sliding back in so easily that the slapping sound is muted entirely by the matching moan you both release. You can feel his voice vibrating against your neck, and you can imagine he might be able to feel yours through your pulsing walls, because it feels like every sound, touch, and sensation is sent straight there for him to enjoy. 

It doesn’t stop either. Both of you shamelessly moaning at the feeling of him snapping his hips into you at perfect speed, with a perfect voice, and a perfect hand moving up to grip your chest. 

He’s practically blanketing you with his body, your legs holding him in this spot, his hair still finding a way to tickle your cheek with each thrust in. It’s so fucking much. It’s so good, and so…comfortable.

You’re comfortable. So comfortable you don’t even feel the need to rub your clit, you don’t want to chase the orgasm, you just want to feel him. And apparently, he’s still on the same page with you. 

When he lifts his head, kissing the bottom of your chin and then your lower lip, still the two of you are groaning at each deep thrust in, but he manages to talk through it, somehow.

“Don’t stop,” he says, despite you barely doing anything. “Keep doing that.” He continues as his thrusts pick up pace. 

Only now do you realize that you were doing something. Without noticing, your hands were nearly tearing his back apart. Not literally, but your nails may have dug in a few times. Normally, once you notice doing that, you would stop because normally men don’t want the trace of another woman on him. Jay though, he’s in love with the idea that you’ll leave a mark. 

Obsessed with the sting of it, really, loving the idea of going to his night-job tomorrow and staring at all of the toys that don’t offer you a back to hold onto like this. 

You do as he asks much like he does for you, gripping him so tightly that your nails have no choice but to leave half-moon shapes on his skin. Each thrust drags your fingers up, down, up down, and with each thrust it somehow feels deeper, harder, hotter.

When he releases your chest from his other hand and puts it back to your cheek, caressing much like he has each time he’s focused on kissing you, you think you’re a fucking goner. 

As expected, he kisses you at that moment and thrusts once, hard, before holding himself there.

“I’m really close,” He whispers apologetically between kisses, “tell me how to get you there with me.”

You smile when he kisses you again instead of letting you answer, but you fall into it much like he does and you opt to grab that hand on your cheek and guide it to your clit. 

Instantly, he’s rubbing harsh and sloppy circles around it, and you reward him for the perfect work of his fingers yet again with your fingernails digging into his back. He softly moans at that, and you swallow it up all too easily. 

Tensing your muscles, his fingers on your clit work you up so quickly that you barely warn him of your oncoming orgasm, even as his cock sits leaking and heavy inside of you. You don’t even know how to tell him, all you can do is frantically moan out shortly.

“I’m–” 

Instantly his hips are back at work, barely even thrusting but instead remaining buried into you for the most part. He pulls out an inch and slams back in, wanting your orgasm to get him off more than his own movements. And fuck, it does.

The way you clench when you reach your high, slack lips against his own, he releases at what he could argue is the best possible time. Your tenses muscles work him up perfectly, gently massaging his cock as he releases in full without too much overstimulation. 

And you. You have never gotten off with a man staying mostly still inside of you. Actually, you’ve only gotten off that way with toys because nothing beats getting off while completely full. Jay really is something, or, someone. 

The two of you release together, and his lips fall slack just like yours do. The kissing turned to that of desperate, orgasm-fogged moans into the other’s mouth. For some reason, it was incredibly hot to you that you both reacted that way. So insanely drunk on the other that nothing felt embarrassing.

Even the way his fingers moved on your clit through your orgasm, he somehow knew when to go and when to stop. 

Even now, as your orgasm tapers off, you are so blissfully aware that you want to immediately fall asleep even with him inside of you. Jay is polite though, and gently pulls out with a small apology of the mess. 

When he looks at you, looking so sleepy under him, maybe it translates to him too and he instantly yawns but tries to be strong for both of you.

“We should clean up.”

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

There wasn’t even a question in your head when he slept over that night. He didn’t even hint at leaving. Nor did he hint the morning after as you groggily opened your computer for your daily work. 

He did hint that he would miss you when he eventually had to go to his own house and get ready for an evening at the sex-shop. He also hinted a few times at feeling like, when he looked at you, you weren’t a brand new person in his life. Part of you wonders if that’s because maybe you want to be permanent in his life from now on.

Later that night, he came back. Bright eyes and a stinging back.

For some reason, you feel it’s safe to say that neither of you can stand being apart for too long. So yeah, maybe this is what a normal relationship is like. If, you know, you were in a relationship with him.

Ironically enough, only a few days later that relationship is established in the form of a new car battery and a bottle of lube that he bought for you. 

Not that you need it. (The lube.)

---

JUNGWON WHAT THE FUCKKKKK

---

DOES HE KNOW IM INSANEEE

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cool for the summer | s.jaeyun

pairing: sim jaeyun x fem!reader

summary: having a crush on your brothers best friend for four years was never easy — especially having to deal with not only the strict rule your brother put in place of not dating his friends, but also his best friend being a playboy. what happens when summer arrives and your brother, jay, returns to your families holiday home with not only a new friend, but also his best friend, jake sim, and this time, he’s different.

genre: brothers best friend au, slow burn, forbidden romance, fluff, angst, smut

warnings: minors dni, jake smokes, alcohol, second lead jungwon :(, slight cheating?? (they don’t kiss whilst in a relationship but there’s flirty behavior!!), jake is a bit of a dick icl, dry humping which will is kinda public??, making out, fighting, name calling

word count: 32k

taglist: @cloud-lyy @sussycheetos @eneiyri @jaeyunzlovr @crimnalseung @skzesty @jvjsssnaa @slut4hee @304files @peachyun02 @laurradoesloveu @soobieboobiedoobiedaboobie @niinjo @heelovesmeknot @kissestoenha @cha0thicpisces @run2min @parksunghoonsgf @moonnssun @nshmrarki @seokseokjinkim @kookify @minniejenseo @capri-cuntz @chaeyunloveeee @brachives @kimsunoops

published: may 6th 2024

Growing up being Jay Park's younger sister was never easy. Having to put up with the constant teasing was something you despised at times when it wasn't funny, being ganged up on by Jay and his friends wasn't ideal, and having to deal with the numerous flings he'd bring home was annoying. You hated having to wear the boys hand-me downs, and absolutely hated having to watch his programs all night when he took over the tv.

Though, there were positives about being his younger sister. He was funny (at times), and you always knew you were well protected when in school. You enjoyed it when he'd allow you to join him in a video game and actually include you in things — and, you especially liked the fact his best friend was Jake Sim.

There was something about the brunette haired boy that made you feel drawn to him. You weren’t sure if it was because of his contagious, gummy smile, or because he would spoil you rotten, or if it was because you knew that he (specifically out of all of Jay's friends) was off limits to you ever having a relationship with.

Jake was well known around the area you lived. He would constantly be out partying during his high school days, and messing around with many girls — far too many to count. It even got to a point where his parents were becoming frustrated with their sons behavior, so the Sim boy started bringing his flings back to your home. He was also captain of the Football team which was practically a Venus Flytrap for the girls in his year.

And yet, despite the boy's reputation and behavior, you still found yourself wanting him like all the others girls did. You loved his sweet, innocent eyes and his plump lips — and definitely his dark, brown locks of thick hair. You also loved that despite his playboy tendencies, he was always kind and respectful to you because after all, you were his best friends baby sister. He saw you like a sister of his own and you hated that.

The old you, at least.

After both Jake and Jay left for Australia in January, neither of the boys had returned to Korea on their breaks due to hectic schedules — which was perfect for you, because that gave you more time to get over the Sim boy and work on yourself.

As the months went by, and you began to relish life to its fullest, you started to forget about Jake Sim. He went from being in your mind as soon as you woke up in the morning, to only sprouting up whenever the words 'playboy', or 'Jay's best friend' was brought up.

Besides Jake, you started focusing more on yourself — though, you did take the advice Jake once gave on maintaining your good grades because now that you were in your final year of high school, you were thriving. Even with you being at the top of your class, you were no longer seen as the 'nerd' because according to your classmates, you had the visuals to make up for the name.

You’d grown into your looks a lot, and thanks to the numerous videos you’d stay up late to would watch about skin care on YouTube, your skin began looking fresh and healthy — and almost pimple free.

You started wearing makeup after a immature boy in your class made fun of your acne, and from then on, it became a daily task to apply more and more. Your techniques had improved tons as time went on and you’d gotten use to wearing it every day for school (which you did hate putting on so early in the morning).

So now, as you packed away your paintbrushes into the flimsy case at your art club, you had a wide smile on your pink, glossy lips whilst listening to something your best friend, Niki, had shared.

Ever since joining the art club in February of that year and meeting Nishimura Riki — or Niki as he likes to go by — you two instantly became close despite the small age gap you shared. You had many things in common and had almost the exact same humor. You bounced off of each other.

"I can't wait to meet your brother tomorrow." Niki announced, washing the paintbrushes in the paint covered sink as you had moved to stand beside him so that you could dry the brushes off.

Immediately, a smile tugged at the corner of your lips at the thought of your older brother. You hadn't seen him since January — and it was now August. That was the longest time the Park siblings had ever gone without seeing each other, and despite you both constantly bickering and teasing one another, you still missed Jay.

The Park family were going on your annual holiday to your holiday home in Jeju Island. It was something you did every year since you’d turned three. You went so often, that you even had a few close friends over their.

You were excited this year more than ever, because you were going to see your brother again, however, you knew Jake would be joining, and just the thought of him made your heart beat nervously against your chest.

Though, after begging your mother and father to allow you to also bring a friend, they eventually gave in, and without a doubt you’d asked Niki to join you on the getaway trip.

"And I can't wait to meet Mr. Jake Sim." Niki teased, wiggling his eyebrows and he wriggled his body and nudged his best friend, causing your eyes to widen slightly at the said boys name.

You had almost forgotten about him...

"Don't even, Niki," You chuckled out a warning, rolling your eyes as you put away the now clean objects. "I definitely hyped him up too much when we first met — now, he's just ew." You scrunched your face up in disgust, though, what you were feeling inside wasn't matching up right with what you were saying.

You felt guilty — like Jake was in the same room as you and heard you, hurting his feelings. You knew deep down you’d lied to Niki. Jake Sim wasn't 'ew', he was far from it.

"Now, I know you're lying." Niki shook his head disappointedly as he wiped his hands on the towel. "You know you do this thing with your eyebrows, you twitch —"

"Oh, shut up, Niki." You jokingly hit the boy with the damp cloth, making him laugh as you walked away to collect your things. "I'm not lying — Jake isn't as perfect as I once thought he was. He's a player and doesn't know how to treat girls right."

You were shocked at the words that were leaving your mouth. Never in your four years of knowing Jake Sim did you think you would be speaking about him the way you were — but here you were, removing your apron, ranting to your best friend about him.

"Good—" Niki nodded, a smile of proudness on his lips as he too, removed his apron. "You're too good for boys like him." He shrugged and you couldn't help but smile at his words. You would always love and appreciate his words of affirmation.

"So that's why, when we go to Jeju, you're going to find a Summer fling." He grinned mischievously, instantly making you scoff and knock your shoulder into him as you rolled your eyes again.

"No, thank you." You shook her head. "I'm done with boys for now. I'm going to wait for after high school — then I can get a man." You chuckled and so did Niki.

"Whatever you say, y/n." Niki said, a breathy laugh falling from his lips as they exited the art club and out into the Sunmer evening, both equally excited for the next few weeks to come.

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The hot summer air blew through the open window and down onto you, blowing your hair uncontrollably as you flicked through the book you were currently reading.

You released an exasperated sigh and rested your head back against the head rest, turning your head away from your book and out to the open window that showed the blue ocean. You had landed in Jeju Island not long ago, and now you were on your way to the holiday home.

It was supposed to be an exciting journey, with you on the edge of your seat, wishing you could just teleport to the home instead of waiting out the rather long car ride, however this time round, it was completely the opposite.

You thought that you were excited for the holiday considering you’d be able to see your brother and have your best friend with you, but that wasn't the case. You could feel a pit of anxiety in the bottom of your stomach, making you feel sick as the thought of Jake Sim continued to appear in your head.

You didn't want to think of him — you really didn't, but just the thought of seeing him again after eight months made your heart pound against your chest. Had he changed much? Did he still play with girls' hearts? Was he still as hot as ever? The questions were nonstop, and making your head begin to ache.

Eventually, you let out a groan, growing fed up of picturing the boys face, and so you shut your book before glancing over at the Nishimura boy, who was fast asleep with his mouth slightly parted and his AirPods in his ears. You couldn't help but chuckle at the sight of him and let out a sigh, before leaning your head on his shoulder.

Sleep would be the best option to get through the duration of the long, Jake-filled, car ride.

After a little while, your eyes opened as soon as you felt the car come to a permanent stop, and instantly, you sat up, rubbing your eyes as you heard Niki tiredly sigh and your parents gasps of excitement.

Quickly, once the sleep had evacuated both of the teenagers' bodies, you hurriedly left the car, the heat hitting you immediately, however that was the least of your worries as your eyes landed on your older brother, Jay Park.

You grinned wildly as you watched him reunite with your parents. From what you could see, he hadn't changed much. Other than his hair — which was now an unnatural silver shade, instead of his natural brunette colour, though it still managed to suit him as it complimented his features.

"Is that y/n Park?" You heard Jay tease once he pulled away from the hug he was in with his father and turned to look at you and your new appearance. "My baby sister?"

A laugh fell from your lips as you broke out into a slight jog towards him, and quickly you engulfed one another into a hug. Never in your lives did you imagine yourselves ever hugging, yet here you were in the middle of Jeju, happy to see one another again.

"Nice to see you again, y/n." He smiled as you pulled away, and you bobbed your head in agreement, before your eyes landed on the unknown boy beside Jay. He had black hair, and despite being under the suns gaze, his skin was as white as snow, and his face was also decorated with a few small moles. His lips were plump and his nose was straight and looked as perfect as ever.

"Y/n, this is Sunghoon, a friend we met at College." Jay introduced, and Sunghoon sent you a small smile, to which you quickly mirrored.

You parted your lips to welcome the taller boy more, but before that could happen, you felt your breathing hitch as soon as you heard a familiar laugh.

His laugh.

Jake Sim’s laugh.

You gulped nervously, and glanced over to the front door of the holiday home, where Jake was leaving from. His hair was now black instead of brown, and he looked older, like he'd grown out of his baby face phase, and he looked far more mature... and way more attractive.

Your heartbeat pounded ferociously against your chest as you watched him walk down the porch steps, gracefully — however, the trance you were once in was soon broken as your eyes landed on the girl walking beside him, laughing along with him.

She was beautiful — very beautiful. She was slim and tall, and her skin was sunkissed. Her eyes were sharp and hazel and shined against the sun. Her lips were plump and a similar shape to a heart and her nose was button like and had a perfect slope. Her face was dotted with many freckles and her makeup was done neatly and perfectly. The girls hair was long and blonde and straight with a slight kink in it. She truly was flawless.

"Y/n?" Jake called out, a grin on his lips as soon as his eyes landed on you and as you looked away from the blonde girl beside him and at him, you couldn't help but notice the glint of surprise in his brown orbs.

You sent him a small smile as watched him open his arms for hug. For a moment, you contemplated whether you should hug him or not. You wanted to, but you knew that if you did, you would only start to fall again.

"It's good to see you, Jake." You stated and turned your attention to the blonde girl, ignoring the hint of confusion that appeared on his perfect face. Usually, you wouldn't hesitate to wrap your arms around him and squeeze him tightly… so why didn't you do that this time? Whatever the reason was, all the Sim boy knew was that he didn't like it.

"Who's this?" You politely wondered, breaking Jake's train of thought as he then wrapped an arm around the girl. "This is Niah, she's my girlfriend."

Ouch.

You had no idea why that sentence had such an effect on you. You was sure you were over him, so why did your heart ache so much?

"It's so nice to finally meet you," Niah grinned, leaning into Jake. Even her teeth were perfect. "I've heard so much about you."

You returned the smile, though it felt forced as you kept your eyes focused on Niah, refusing the look at Jake. "All good things, I hope." You chuckled and so did the blonde girl.

"Of course," Niah shook her head, giggles escaping her mouth. "Jake says you're like a little sister, so I'm more than excited to get to know you. I'm sure we'll be the bestest of friends."

Ouch.

You could feel your heart breaking the longer the conversation went on. You knew that that was how Jake always saw you, and you’d moved on from him, so why were you so bothered? It annoyed you that you were effected by whole situation, and you felt yourself become angry with yourself.

It was going to be a long summer...

Later on that evening, after getting settled into the home, the delicious smell of yours and Jay's mothers cooking was making its way through the house, causing everyone's stomachs to growl with hunger.

The sun was beginning to set by the time everybody was called to dinner, and once they all had their plates filled to the brim, they sat around the family table, eating.

"We're thinking on going on a late night swim," Jay announced, glancing over at you as you sat beside Niki — who was easily getting along well with your brother and his friends. "You should come — Niki too."

A smile appeared on your lips at the thought of swimming in the sea late at night. It would be just like old times and you couldn't help but feel a wave of nostalgia hit you as you quickly nodded you head in agreement.

"So, Jake, Niah," Jihye (the siblings' mother) began as she took a sip from her glass of red wine with a wide beam on her red painted lips. "Tell us the love story." She chuckled, and instantly, you felt your body tense up and you looked up from your plate of food and over at Jake, who had already been looking at you.

You were quick to feel your cheeks heat up, and without another thought, you looked away, far too flustered to remain eye contact — a smirk growing on Niki's lips as he noticed his best friends state.

"Well," Niah started, setting her fork down and glancing beside her at the Sim boy, a warm, loving smile appearing on her lips. "I had joined the college a few days later due to my flight from the States being delayed —"

"You're Korean is good." The siblings' father mustered, far too busy eating his food rather than engaging in the conversation.

Niah sent the older man a smile of gratefulness, before she quickly continued with her story.

"And when I arrived at the school, I got lost." She chuckled, pouting her lip playfully, causing everyone (other than you and Niki) to let out quiet laughs. "Jake noticed and helped me outside. Turns out we were both majoring in Physics, so we walked to class together and he ended up asking for my number." Niah shrugged, an expression of happiness swarming her features.

You let out an almost silent sigh as you glanced over at Jake, who was busy admiring Niah with a small smirk on his plump lips. Oh, how you wished to be admired by him —

You quickly cut yourself from your thoughts as you snapped your head down to your plate, your heart beating at a fast pace and your eyes widening slightly. There was no way... This couldn't be happening... Not after months of working on yourself and getting over him...

Without another word, you abruptly stood from your chair, the wooden legs of the seat scraping across the wooden floor.

Everybody stopped what they were doing and looked up at you with concern and confusion on their faces.

"Y/n? What's wrong?" Your mother wondered, and you couldn't help but have your eyes land on Jake. It was like he was a magnet and you hated that. You didn't want to look at him all the time. You didn't want to like him. He was your brothers best friend. He was Niah's girlfriend. He was off limits and you hated that.

"I just feel a bit sick," you lied, holding an arm across your stomach to make your lie more believable. "I'm going to lay down for a bit." You then announced and picked up your plate, washing it in the sink and then hurrying up to your room with a feeling of guilt in your chest.

Later on that evening, when the sun had officially set, you were laying on her bed, listening to the music that played in your AirPods. You hadn't been downstairs since dinner and you didn't plan on going downstairs for the continuation of the night.

As you felt your eyes begin to shut, exhaustion from not only the plane and car ride, but also the sun beginning to take over your body. That was all you wanted to do: sleep and forget about today and forget about your feelings for Jake.

However, that wasn't possible, because just as you shut your eyes, a knock at your bedroom door was heard, causing you to sigh slightly and sit up, removing one of your earphones. "Come in." You called out, watching at the door opened.

"Are you coming out for the swim?" Niki asked. He was clad in his swimming trunks and a towel was thrown over his bare shoulder. You couldn't help but laugh at the sight of him and you laid back on her bed, relaxing now that you knew Niki was the one knocking on you door.

"Who are you trying to impress?" You joked, looking him up and down. "Remember, Niah has a boyfriend." You sang, chuckling at yourself, and a mischievous grin appeared on Niki's lips.

"Remember, Jake has a girlfriend." He bounced back, instantly shutting you up making you snap your head over in his direction, glaring your eyes at him, before you both burst out laughing.

"You noticed?" You questioned, sitting back up as Niki sat at the foot of your bed, nodding his head.

"Of course — you were practically drooling over him at the table." He flared his eyes, and you quickly picked up the pillow that was beside you and hit the younger boy with it.

"Shut your mouth, I was not."

"Yes, you were." Niki nodded, standing up so that he could escape your abuse.

"Whatever," You rolled her eyes, sitting back on the bed. "Go have your swim." You nodded your head towards the door, and Niki huffed.

"You're not coming?" He asked and you shook her head.

"I feel sick, remember?"

"Bullshit." He chuckled, before sticking his tongue out at you and excitedly left your room after hearing Jay call out for him.

A sigh of relief fell from your lips as you laid down, finally happy to be able to give in to your tiredness.

───────────

That same night, you’d woke up from your slumber in a pool of your own sweat. It was an uncomfortable feeling, really and you couldn't help but feel grossed out by it, and so you ripped the thin sheet from your body and stepped out of bed.

The house was silent, indicating that everyone was asleep, and the only thing that could be heard was the floor boards creaking as you walked down the corridor and made your way downstairs.

You got herself a glass of cold water and quickly gulped it down, in a hurry to get changed and then get back into bed, though just as you placed your glass in the sink, your eyes caught sight of the front door slightly ajar.

Immediately, you furrowed your brows in confusion, and couldn't help but feel a slight sense of panic sprout in your chest as you slowly approached the open door. Had someone broken in? Or had someone forgotten to close the door after coming back from the swim?

As you got closer to the door, your nose was soon filled with the smell on cigar smoke, quickly making you even more confused than you already were. And so, without another thought, you opened the door entirely, and your eyes slightly enlarged at the sight before you.

It was Jake sat on the top step of the porch stairs. He was clad in a white, long sleeved t-shirt, though he had the sleeves rolled up to above his elbows, and he wore a pair of denim jeans. His hair was damp, and messily sitting on his forehead, though that (surprisingly) wasn't the cause for your widened eyes — no, it was the cigarette he held between his fingers as he looked out at the ocean in front of the house.

For a moment, you didn't know what to do. You didn't know whether to leave him be, or to strike a conversation (the latter being something the old you would've done).

"Why aren't you sleeping, y/n?" His voice asked, instantly breaking you from your thoughts and causing your cheeks to heat up with embarrassment at the realization of being caught.

Gulping, you took a step forward and hesitantly sat on the steps with him, though you made sure to leave quite a large gap between you both, bringing your legs to your chest as you turned your head to look at him. "Why are you smoking?"

A smirk formed on Jake's lips as he then brought the cigarette up to his mouth and blew out a string of smoke in the opposite direction to where you were sat.

"Why not?" He shrugged.

"It's bad for you, Jake." You warned, disappointed at his actions. The old Jake wouldn't of done something like this, so why had his ways changed? "What about Football?" You questioned and the boy let out a long sigh, leaning back on his arm.

"I can still play, y/n, don't you worry." He chuckled, and you rolled your eyes at him.

"Did you have fun at the beach?" You wondered, moving on from the previous topic. You watched as Jake bowed his head slightly, biting his lip before turning to look at you.

"Yeah," He shrugged again. "I guess. It would've been better if you were there." The boy huffed out, taking another drag.

Immediately, you felt your heart explode and it felt as if a swarm of butterflies were flying around in your stomach, tickling your insides, and you felt your cheeks heat with fluster.

You hated when Jake would say things like this. He was always aware of the effect he had on you, and he liked to say things that would drive you into a frenzy which you hated. You knew he was playing around with you — the old you. Not now, you wouldn't let him get to you, and so, you took a deep breath and turned to look at him once again.

"Glad you had fun." You sighed, completely ignoring the statement before and stood up, about to head back inside though the boy stopped you as he spoke once again.

"You look pretty, by the way." He complimented, and your breathing hitched and you shut her eyes for a moment, the boys words doing things to you that you couldn't explain. There was no teasing tone to his voice. Had he really meant that?

Gathering yourself, you nodded. "Whatever, Jake." You spoke just above a whisper.

"I mean it, y/n." He looked behind him, looking up at you, who now halted your movements, your hand resting on the handle of the door. "You look beautiful."

You instantly squinted your eyes shut as you tried to compose yourself. Why was he doing this? Why now?

"Goodnight, Jake." You ignored him again before entering the home and heading back upstairs, your body far more sweatier than before.

The next morning, your parents had gone out to go and say hello and catch up with the neighbors, whilst everyone else had decided to head down to the beach for the day.

You were wearing a black bikini, with a pair of denim shorts covering your lower half. You had your towel in your hand and your book and headphones in the other as you walked through the sand beside Niah, behind everyone else who had hurried off, dumping their towels on the floor and rushing into the sea.

You both set up your space under one of the many community parasols, and once they were happy with it, they sat down; you opening up your book to the page you last left it on, whilst Niah watched the boys splashing around in the water.

"You're so lucky." Niah sighed, looking over at you, making you slowly detach your eyes from the words on your page and placed them on Niah. "You have two great brothers and Niki." She softly chuckled, and you cocked a brow.

"Two brothers?" You questioned, confused, as you were more than sure that your parents only gave birth to you and Jay.

"Jake — you guys are like siblings, right?" Niah asked, looking up at you, whose lips were now slightly parted as you nodded your head slowly.

"Right." You bluntly answered, ignoring the pang of annoyance in your chest. There was no way you viewed Jake as a brother, and there was no way you ever would.

Silence took over, and quickly, you both got back to doing your own thing. Jake, Jay, Niki, and Sunghoon had now left the Sea and decided to join in with another group that were playing Football on the sand, and you couldn't help but watch them, thinking back to the times you’d watch Jay and Jake's Football games when they were in High School.

As time continued, you soon got bored of watching and directed your attention back to your book — however, that was a bad idea, as you became unbeknownst to the ball that was now flying your way, aiming for your face, when suddenly, a Football hit you harshly across the face.

You sat with your mouth slightly agape and your hand on the right side of your face, far too stunned to speak — the only sound surrounding you being the gasps of the people on the beach.

The ball was kicked at a savage force, making the side of your face burn bright red and feel sore. You felt embarrassed as everyone watched you. You didn't know what to do. Should you just act like nothing happened? Get up and leave?

Before you could come to a decision, you were approached by one of the boys that were playing football.

"I'm so sorry." He spoke, his voice not very deep for a boy.

You looked up at him, raising your other hand to cover your eyes so that you were able to get a better look at the boy. He had brown hair that had a few waves mixed within the thickness of it, and it looked as if it was in need of a cut due to the few strands that hung over his doe, cat-like eyes. His lips were in between the size of small and big, his Cupids bow being deeply defined. Though, despite his fierce eyes and pretty lips, what stood out most to you was the dimples that dented his cheeks.

"It's okay." You awkwardly shook your head, your lips forming a tight line as you slowly looked away and at your legs, far too embarrassed to look him in the eye.

"No, really," The boy continued, kneeling down so that his face could become level with yours. "I'm sorry, it looked like it hurt." He nodded his head to your sore face. A small, awkward smile tugged at the corner of your lips as a quiet chuckle fell from your lips.

He seemed sweet.

"It's fine, I'm okay." You reassured the boy, who sighed and nodded slightly.

"Hey," The boy nervously began, standing up and rubbing the non-existent dirt from his shorts. "You should come to my friends party tonight — said he wants to make it one of his biggest." He shrugged and you couldn't help but chuckle as his awkwardness.

Going to a party was something you would never choose to go to. You were always the kind to stay in your bedroom, revising, reading or listening to music. The night life never appealed to you, and whenever your brother would go out to parties with his friends in high school, you could never understand the entertainment about it. However, the revamped you knew you had to get out more and socialize — even if you didn't really want to.

So, after thinking over the boys proposal, you slowly nodded your head, a small smile tugging at your lips.

"Great!" He happily spoke, his body visibly relaxing now that your answer was out in the open. "Uhm, you know where Lee Heeseung lives, right?"

"Yeah." You bobbed your head. Lee Heeseung was a boy around your brothers age. He was well known within the neighborhood of holiday homes for not only his handsome looks and kind personality, but also his night changing parties.

"Cool, the party starts at 8, so come anytime after that." The boy before you shrugged, nodding his head, awkwardly glancing over at Niah, who held in a giggle, excitement filling her bones at the situation you were in.

"Great, see you then..." you trailed off, soon realizing she didn't know the boys name.

"Jungwon — and you're y/n, right?" Jungwon announced, and you couldn't help but smile as you nodded your head.

"Okay, see you at 8, y/n." Jungwon waved, before he rejoined his game of Football after retrieving the football.

A blush formed on your cheeks as you bowed your head, your stomach fluttering around filled with butterflies.

"He just asked you out!" Niah exclaimed, a wide smile on her face as you immediately shook your head, denying the girls statement.

"No, he only asked me to go to a party, that's all." You shrugged, and Niah scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"Well, he didn't ask me." She deadpanned, a smirk on her lips as she leaned over and playfully nudged you. You were excited for the party later, and you were happy that not once did Jake Sim appear in your head…

───────────

"But why can't we go?" Jay questioned, a whine lacing his voice as he sat at the dining room table, an annoyed look on his face as he watched as you put your silver heels on.

"Shut up, Jay." Niah huffed, slapping the boys shoulder. "This is y/n’s night, she's met a boy."

"Yeah, a boy she's known for less then five minutes." Jake stated, folding his arms across his chest. He wasn't too happy about the whole idea. It was weird in his opinion. How could anyone be pleased about that idea? "And it's barely even a date. It's Lee Heeseung's party." He scoffed out.

"Don't be jealous, Jake," you grinned, grabbing your bag and making your way over to the front door. "Just because you don't get asked to go to parties —"

"I have been asked to parties, I've just chosen to decline their offer." Jake stated, feeling odd about the way you were behaving. Usually, as soon as he would disapprove of something, you went with what he said... so why wasn't that the case this time?

"Whatever." You shook your head. "I'll see you guys later."

"Phone us if anything happens!" You heard Niki yell after you once you were down the porch steps.

You could feel your heart pound nervously against your chest. You were filled with nerves and you had thoughts on backing out. You’d never been to a party before — let alone on your own, so this would be a new experience.

Once you arrived at the party, you couldn't help but feel a wave of anxiety consume you. The loud, blaring music bounced from one holiday home to the next, and the street was pact with parked cars. There were many people standing around outside Heeseung's home, and there were plenty of plastic cups and burnt out cigarettes scattered on the dried out grass.

It was your first time going to a party alone, and so far, by first glance, you were beginning to regret your decision.

That was, however, until your eyes landed on Jungwon, who was walking down the porch steps and over to you with a red, plastic cup in his clutch. He was clad in a pair of black, denim jeans, a white, loose fitted t-shirt, and a black bomber jacket and converse. He looked good, and you couldn't help but look him up and down for a while.

"You came!" Jungwon grinned widely, his dimples becoming as prominent as ever. You smiled back at the boy, quickly feeling more at ease within his presence.

"Of course," You spoke, glancing around at the tipsy people before looking back at the Yang boy. "Wouldn't miss it for the world.” You jokingly chuckled and Jungwon couldn't help but laugh also.

"Come on," He nodded his head towards the front door of the house as he began to walk towards it, you hot on his tail. "I'll introduce you to my friends."

You nodded, and as soon as you entered the home, you were instantly hit with a clash of scents. Many different perfumes mixed with sweat was assorted within the air, along with a strong scent of booze and weed. It wasn't exactly pleasant, and you found yourself grimacing as the smells hit your nose all at once.

"You look really good, by the way." Jungwon turned back to compliment. His voice loud, making you smell the traces of alcohol in his breath, as he had to shout due to the music that was even louder inside.

Immediately, a shade of crimson took over your makeup covered cheeks, and you couldn't help but feel flustered at his compliment. It was random, however you found yourself liking it.

"Thanks — so do you." You returned, and Jungwon smiled back, latching his hand onto yours as you made your way past plenty of moist bodies and eventually made it to his friends.

There were four boys all stood around; some were leaning against the wall, others were stood in front of them with cups in their hands.

"Hey guys," Jungwon called out once the two approached them, the boy placing his hand on one of his friends shoulder. "This is y/n Park —"

"Jay's sister, right?" Lee Heeseung questioned, turning his body to take a better look at you. His eyes trailed your body up and down with a raised brow, a look of intrigue shining through his features.

"Yeah, and you're Heeseung?" You wondered. You knew exactly who he was, you just didn't want to be awkward and nod your head, leaving the conversation at that.

"Sure am," He chuckled. "You've grown up so much." He commented, glancing over at Jungwon and then back at you. "You're not the old, nerdy, y/n anymore." Heeseung jokingly spoke.

Quickly, you felt yourself begin to worry. Sure, you may not look 'nerdy' any more, but that wasn't to say your grades weren't straight A's and your attendance wasn’t a perfect 99.9%, because it was and what if Jungwon didn't like that?

"Nope, not any longer." You awkwardly laughed.

"Right, well, this is Jisung," Jungwon continued, pointing to the fox-like boy who was leaning against the wall. Jisung sent you a smile, instantly making you feel welcome which you very much appreciated.

"This is Johan, and that's Chris." Jungwon introduced the two other boys, who both mirrored Jisung's actions.

"Hey, y/n," Heeseung began. "Is Jake in town this summer?" He wondered after taking a swig of his drink. "I haven't seen him in so long. We need to catch up." He smirked a mischievous grin, which made you furrow your brows slightly in confusion before nodding.

"Cool, well me and y/n are going to get a drink," Jungwon spoke out, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. "We'll catch you guys later." He announced and they all nodded in agreement, before the two weaved their way through people to get to the kitchen.

"What would you like?" Jungwon wondered, picking up a cup and then looking through the many bottles of alcohol that were set out on the kitchen counter for people to grab and fill their cups with.

"Oh," you began. You hadn't drank before, so this was a whole new experience for you. You didn't know which one you would like or which one you would hate, and you really didn't want to embarrass yourself in front of Jungwon.

"I'll have whatever you're having." You told him, to which he smirked slightly and nodded, picking up the bottle of Vodka and he mixed it with a very small amount of Sprite.

As soon as the liquid travelled down your throat, you found yourself squinting your eyes shut and pulling the cup away from your lips in disgust. It tasted as if you had just downed a whole bottle of hand sanitizer. The drink burned your throat and you coughed from it.

It truly was horrendously bad...

As time went on and minutes turned to hours, the clock struck two a.m, and by now, you were a sweaty mess.

For some reason, you found yourself craving more of the alcohol Heeseung had out, and after you finished your first cup, you finished another eight.

Your body felt light, and as if it was spinning on a spinning chair constantly, and your eyesight wasn't the clearest — along with your words. You were speaking freely to people you wouldn't choose to speak to if you were sober. You felt as if all of your problems had faded away and it was only you and the music existing.

That was until Jungwon pulled you out of the house and into the fresh air. The humid, night air immediately hitting you, causing a sense of relief to consume your body. You leaned against him him as he helped you down the steps, random giggles escaping your lips as your nose filled with the scent of Jungwon's long lasting cologne.

"You're very good looking, Jungwon." You announced, glancing up at him. Your eyes were doe like and glossed over. Your cheeks were pinker than ever before, and the slight glow of sweat remained on your skin. "You know, you're special because I don't find many men attractive."

The Yang boy glanced down at you, chuckles coming from him as he thanked you once they got to the bottom of Heeseung's front garden. "You should call someone to come pick you up — I'm crashing here for the night." He explained and you slowly nodded your head as his words entered one ear and exited the other.

"Y/n, come on." Jungwon laughed, and you pouted as you brought of your phone and clicked on your contacts. Your vision wasn't the best, and so as you typed in the letters 'JA' and two contacts appeared, you pressed on your brothers name and held the phone up to your ear.

"Y/n?"

"Can you pick me up from Heeseung's house?" You slurred out, stumbling slightly, making Jungwon grab hold of you.

"Yeah, of course, I'll be there in a minute."

Tiredly, a yawn passed your lips as you sat yourself down on the curb, patiently waiting to be picked up. "Thank you for tonight." You smiled up at Jungwon, who nodded, smiling back.

"No need to thank me," He shrugged. "I enjoyed it."

Eventually, the person who came to pick you up arrived, and as soon as your eyes landed on them, they widened in shock.

Jake?

Had you accidentally phoned Jake Sim?

Your jaw was held open slightly as Jake Sim approached you and Jungwon. Had you really phoned him instead of Jay?

The boy was wearing a pair of dark lounge shorts and a long sleeved, yellow and black striped polo shirt that had a light blue collar. He looked tired which was no surprise considering it was way past two a.m, and his hair was a little bit tousled.

You still managed to find him the most attractive boy ever, and you quickly shook yourself out of your trance and turned to Jungwon, bidding your goodbye before following after Jake.

You were both consumed by silence. Jake had his hands shoved in his shorts pockets and you stumbled beside him, causing him to chuckle softly before removing his hand from the comfort of his pocket and to hold onto your arm to keep you stable.

You were far too out of it to realize that you were walking the complete opposite way to the holiday home, and instead going to the twenty-four hour convenience store and it wasn't until your eyes landed on the lit up shop that a glimpse of confusion took over your features and you turned your head to look up at him.

"What..." You began, gulping to try and gather you words. "Why are we here?" You slurred out and a long sigh fell from Jake's lips as he lead you over to the empty bench outside the store.

"You need to sober up," He tells you once you’re sat on the bench. "You can't go back in this state." Jake explained and you only nodded your head, not asking any questions. "Now stay here, okay. Don't wonder off." He ordered, and you sat up, giggles leaving your lips.

"Okay, Jakey..." you grinned, your face close to Jake's as your eyes met. You were so close that you could practically see every detail on each others faces, and Jake could smell the strong scent of alcohol leaving your mouth. The older boys eyes trailed down to your plump, reddened lips and he subconsciously found himself biting his own down on his own.

Before anything could happen — not that Jake would do anything due to you being highly intoxicated and him having a girlfriend, of course — a stray cat brushed across Jake's leg, making him jump back slightly in shock.

Your eyes widened at the sight of the cat and you immediately bent down in your sitting position to smooth the cat as the Sim boy went inside the store.

You had always been a dog person growing up and never really liked cats at all, but you were far too drunk to even care about your preferences and feelings towards the animal.

Easily getting distracted, your eyes landed on the flowers that were scattered across the outside walls of the shop and the kids tattoo machine that you would once waste tons of money on when you were younger. Your eyes also fell on the gumball machine that was beside the tattoos and despite your queazy mindset, you felt your breathing hitch at the memory that came with the machine.

The memory that made you realize just how much you liked Jake Sim.

An excited beam was plastered on your fourteen year old self’s lips as you impatiently waited in line to use the gumball machine with your friends.

Your older brother and his friends were currently occupying the machine, taking their time because they made it their mission to get a piece of bubblegum in every colour.

"Jay," You whined, sticking out your bottom lip to pout in annoyance. "Hurry up, you're taking forever!"

"Shut up, y/n," Jay yelled back, turning the knob on the machine. "You're so annoying." He huffed and you instantly rolled your eyes and folded your arms across your chest.

"You're so annoying!" You returned the insult childishly, shoving your brother out of the way so that you could finally have your go. Your smile grew and your eyes enlarged as you quickly brought of the only coin you had from your denim shorts pocket and eagerly slotted it into the coin slot and turned the handle.

Your fists clenched as you impatiently waited for the bubblegum to roll along its spiraling pathway, before it eventually reached the opening. Without another thought, you reached out the grab it, and as soon as it was in your hand, it was immediately knocked out.

Your eyes widened in shock and a gasp left your mouth as you watched as it rolled into a drain.

Anger filled your veins as you turned to look at Jay who had shoved you back. "What the hell, Jay?!" You furiously yelled. "That was my only coin!"

"Oh," Jay pouted, faking his look of regret and sadness. "Too bad." He broke out into a grin and shrugged, before turning and picking up his bike that was laying on the floor; his friends following after him besides one — Jake Sim.

"Here." Jake smiled, holding his hand out that currently had a blue gumball in. As soon as your eyes landed on it, they widened and you couldn't help but feel your cheeks heat red at his kind action.

"Uh..." She awkwardly began. "Are you sure? I can just get another one next week." You spoke, and Jake simply shook his head, shaking his hand as a way of telling you to take it from him.

"Have it, you didn't deserve that — Jay was just being an ass." He chuckled at the thought of his best friend, and you slowly nodded and hesitantly reached out and took the gum from him.

"See ya, y/n!" Jake waved, quickly climbing on his bike and catching up with his friends, leaving fourteen year old you with a fluttering heart. He was the first boy to ever show kindness to you. He was the first boy you ever had a crush on.

When Jake finally returned to you, breaking you from your daze, he had his hands filled with a water bottle and two ice lollies. Your eyes instantly widened at the sight of your favorite ice lolly in his clutch and a beam spread across your cheeks as you reached out for it.

"Nu-uh." Jake shook his head, pulling his hand away from you and holding out the bottle of water he'd bought for you. "You can have the ice lolly once you've finished this." He told you and shoved the bottle into your hands, making you scoff.

"But it'll melt." You pointed out and Jake shrugged.

"You better hurry then."

Once you had finished the iced bottle of water, you were now peacefully enjoying your mixed berry ice lolly, whilst Jake enjoyed his weird (Mom Is Alien) flavored ice cream.

You could feel your heart pounding against your chest as you felt yourself begin to slowly sober up and realize just how close you and Jake were sat. The side of your thigh was touching the side of his, and as you both leaned against the back rest of the bench, your arms constantly brushed against one another.

"I'm sorry for phoning you." You announced, breaking the comfortable silence you were sat in.

A breathy chuckle passed through Jake's swollen lips (swollen due to the coldness of the ice lolly) "I was already awake." He revealed, and your eyebrow raised.

"You were?"

The boy nodded his head and turned to look down at you; your eyes instantly meeting and you could feel your breathing hitch as you couldn't help but wonder if he ever felt the same way you did — even if it was just slightly.

"I was worried for you." He simply shrugged, a small smile appearing on his mouth. "It was my baby sisters first time going out to a party alone." He teased, nudging you playfully as you felt your heart tear into millions of pieces.

Instantly, your shoulders slumped and you turned your head away from him and down at your lap, quickly feeling sober due to the sadness that overtook your body. You’d lost your appetite and so now, the ice lolly was melting and dripping down your hand.

"Oh..." You sighed, biting your bottom lip, refusing to make eye contact with the boy again. You felt so... silly for ever thinking he could possibly see you in the same light you did for him. "Right..."

"Did you have a good time?" Jake wondered, continuing to eat his ice cream.

"Yeah," you slowly nodded. "Jungwon seems nice. I'm really starting to like him." You expressed, a smile making its way to your lips at the thought of the dimpled boy — you unbeknownst to Jake, who had seemed to tense up to the way you spoke about the Yang boy.

Eventually, as time passed and both you and Jake finished your ice cream, a huff escaped your lips as you felt your eyes begin to grow heavy.

"I'm tired." You moaned out as Jake stood up, you looking up at him as he chuckled at your behavior.

"Come on," He spoke, nodding his head to the direction they had to walk in. "We're not far from home."

"But I'm too tired to walk." It wasn't usual for you to be like this. You weren’t one to be bratty, but with the alcohol rushing through your veins, she didn't care.

A long groan came from Jake as he threw his head back and flared his eyes. "You think you're such a princess." He joked and squatted down in front of you. "Get on." He ordered.

A part of you was telling you not to get on and just suck it up and walk, however a massive part of you was telling you to just do it — and because you were drunk, you found yourself listening to the devil on your shoulder, and without another word, you climbed onto the Sim boys back.

Once you finally arrive at the home, you quietly entered and made your way through the home, you not waiting around to say anything else to the boy. You were done. You couldn't — wouldn't — waste your time waiting for him, nor would you continue to be delusional and think a simple brotherly action from him was something more.

You were fed up.

"Goodnight, y/n." You heard Jake softly say, instantly making you halt your movements as you approached the bottom of the stairs, one hand on the railing. Your heart continued to beat faster than ever and you shut your eyes to compose yourself. You weren’t going to do it. You weren’t going to allow him to change your mind again. You couldn't do it anymore.

And the first step to moving on was to ignore him — and that’s what you. You didn’t utter a word to the older boy and you continued your way to your bedroom, desperate for your heart beat to slow down.

───────────

If your head wasn't already banging before, then it definitely was now, now that Niki barged into your bedroom, throwing questions at her, demanding to know what went down last night.

"Did you guys kiss?" Niki grinned, excitedly laying himself down at the end of your bed. Your brows furrowed in confusion and annoyance, and your head pulsed with pain as you slowly sat up on your bed — your hair matted and dark, prominent eye bags beneath your eyes.

"Did you get drunk?! Did he walk you home?" The younger boy continued to ask, causing even more discomfort to your head.

"Niki, please." You huffed, squinting your eyes shut. Why was everything suddenly so loud? "Be quiet for a minute." You groaned, throwing the warm blanket from your body, about to get out of bed.

"Where are you going?" Niki raised a brow and you stopped your movements and turned to look at him.

"I'm going to get Aspirin." You told him as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, though a glimps of confusion flashed across Niki's features and he pointed to your bedside table.

You mirrored the boys feelings and turned to look at the table, only for your eyes to widen slightly. On it was two Aspirin tablets, a bottle of water and a pack of crackers. Shock consumed your body and you sheepishly glanced over at your best friend.

Had you put them there last night and forgotten about doing it? Though, considering you were quite drunk, your thoughts before jumping into bed would most definitely not be getting medication for the morning — and crackers. The only person you knew to have crackers after being drunk was Jake, and that because you once let both your brother and Jake ramble about a party they went to that night and how they were 'totally not' drunk whilst slurring on their words, meanwhile you revised for an exam the next morning.

Jake?

Was he the one to put them there?

"Did you forget that you put it there last night?" Niki chuckled, breaking you out of your thoughts as you slowly nodded you head. "Did you drink that much?"

A breathy chuckle fell from your lips and you let out a sigh. "Yeah, I guess I did."

"How was the party last night?" He wondered once you had taken the Aspirin and begun to eat the crackers.

"I can't really remember to be honest." You shrugged, and it was true. You couldn't remember pretty much anything from the actual party. All you could remember was her heart breaking when Jake sister-zoned her.

A long and exaggerated huff fell from Niki's mouth as he threw his head back in annoyance and rolled his eyes. He'd been waiting all morning (it was now the afternoon) for his best friend to wake up and tell him about your night, and now you couldn't even remember.

"Whatever," Niki stood from your bed. "You look like shit." He deadpanned and your mouth parted ever so slightly in shock. That was unexpected. "You should wash up because your dads doing lunch on the BBQ outside." Niki informed before leaving you alone to get ready.

Once you had showered and gotten ready for the day — your bikini beneath your denim shorts and loose t-shirt — you made your way down the stairs.

Instantly, your nose was filled with the scent of smoke and the delicious smell of ribs and burgers. It was nice and even made your stomach growl as you walked into the kitchen to go out the double doors to head outside.

However, before you could get far, your eyes landed on him — Jake Sim. He was pouring himself a glass of Coke whilst wearing a pair of wet swim trunks and no top. His hair was damp with water droplets dripping from it and rolling down his body.

You knew it was wrong to stare and feel the way you did about him. You didn't want to like him. You couldn't help but feel guilty because not only were you betraying your brother, but you felt as if you were also betraying Niah.

Too lost in your thoughts, Jake slowly looked up from his glass and over to you, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips as soon as his eyes landed on you, instantly making you to break away from your thoughts.

Your cheeks reddened with embarrassment. You’d just been caught staring and now all you wanted to do was curl up in a ball and roll away. He looked hotter than ever with the water gliding down his toned body, and you felt your stomach swirl as a wave of fluster hit you.

He has a girlfriend, you’d tell herself, attempting to compose yourself. You needed to move on. Jake Sim didn't like you — he never would. You were Jay Park's baby sister, you didn't stand a chance...

And so, you cleared your throat and stood up straight. "You're making a mess." You stated, catching him off guard. "Make sure you clean up the puddle on the floor." You nodded down the the pool of water by his feet from the water falling from his body, before you looked back up at him.

You both held eye contact for a short moment, Jake not knowing what to say. You had never spoke to him like that before. Usually, you would get flustered and stutter on your words, but this time you didn't and that bothered Jake.

You silently picked up your art book that was on the kitchen island and turned around the walk through the open, double doors. You couldn't help but feel proud of yourself.

"There she is!" Your father beamed once he saw that you were now awake and outside. "Do you want a burger, y/n?" He asked, flipping over the circular food and a wide smile appeared on your lips.

You parted her lips, about to agree even though your stomach was really calling out for the ribs. You knew they were a mess to eat and you didn't want to look a slob in front of Jake — a scoff quickly escaped your lips as you realized what you were thinking.

You weren’t going to let Jake Sim unknowingly dictate your life anymore.

And, when you finished eating the plate of delicious ribs, you moved yourself from the bench and table and over to the sun beds, where your mother and Niah were busy sunbathing. You sat herself on the empty bed between them and let out a long sigh; exhaustion taking over your body from the meal you’d just eaten.

Picking up your art book from your lap and opening it, your eyes immediately widened slightly and a quiet huff passed your lips as you took in the many different sketches you’d started of Jake Sim but never finished.

You always found Jake hard to draw. You weren’t sure if it was because his features were so perfect that they couldn't be recreated, or if it was because you became obsessed with a new look from the boy and desperately wanted it down on paper; not bothering to finish your previous work.

Shaking your head, you snapped yourself out of your thoughts and glanced over at Niah. You didn't want the girl seeing Jake in your sketch book and getting the wrong idea, and so, you quickly turned to a blank page, retrieving a pencil from your pencil case to start a new piece.

However, before you had the chance to do anything, a gush of water was sprayed in your direction, soaking your lap and the pages of your book.

A gasp left your mouth and you instantly sat up on the bed, the squeals from Niah and the laughter of your parents, Niki, your brother and his friends consuming your hearing.

"Jay!?" You yelled out, looking over to him, where he was stood in the pool with a (now empty) water gun pointing in your direction. "What the hell!"

"Stop being boring losers," He scoffed, putting the gun down and rolling his eyes dramatically. "Come on, get in."

"We're gonna play Chicken and I need a partner." Niki smirked mischievously at his best friend, and you couldn't help but chuckle at him. You’d always liked that pool game — and you were a pro at it. However you quickly remembered the times when you were younger and when you would play and be the one on Jake's shoulders...

"So get in and get on my shoulders." Niki ordered, and quickly, you sarcastically huffed and put your book down, making your way to the edge of the pool (Jake's look of annoyance going unnoticed by everyone).

Once you were in the warm pool and now on your best friends shoulders, you watched as Jake swam to the edge of the pool and called out for Niah.

"Why don't you play?" The Sim boy asked his girlfriend, a smile on his plump lips as he rested his head on his arms and tilted his head slightly to look at her. "You can be on my shoulders?"

"No, thank you," Niah shook her head, her lips scrunching in disgust as she removed her sunglasses to look at Jake. "My hair will go green if I get in." She chuckled as she put her sunglasses back on and laying back to continue her tanning session.

You watched as the boy let out a sad sigh and his shoulders slumped before he turned back around to face everyone who was having their own conversation.

"Sunghoon, you're the Ref." Jay told the quiet boy, who smiled and nodded his head in agreement. "I'm gonna verse my sister, and then we'll finally get to see who the better Park is." The boy chuckled with a shrug as he beckoned Jake over so that he could get on his best friends shoulders.

Quickly, you rolled your eyes at your brother. "I don't need to win a stupid Chicken game to know that, Idiot." You scoffed.

"Be quiet, Nerd." Jay huffed, and eventually, once he was sat comfortably on Jake's shoulders, the four heard Sunghoon count down from three before yelling 'Go!'

Instantly, you began to wrestle, pushing and shoving each other. Your laughter was heard throughout the back garden, and the screams of worry that left your mouth would be heard every now and then when you would almost be pushed back into the water.

It was a tough competition. Neither Park was willing to give up and that was mainly due to the massive competitive gene you’d inherited from your father — howbeit, just as you thought Jay was about to tumble back into the pool, your eyes landed on Jake, who reached his arm out to shove Niki back, harshly.

Catching the Nishimura boy off guard, your best friend went stumbling backwards, a gasp of shock leaving both of your mouths as you were soon submerged within the water, evidently losing the game of Chicken.

Once you came up from the water, you were straight away faced with the cheers of your brother, Jake and Sunghoon (the referee!) your brows furrowed in annoyance and you were quick to point your finger at Jake.

"This is so unfair!" You stated. "Jake pushed Niki."

"Quit being a sore loser, Sis!" Jay mocked, jokingly using the nickname as he stuck his tongue out you, who rolled your eyes with a scowl on your face, and you splashed the two boys with the pool water before turning to Sunghoon.

"Sunghoon, you saw Jake push me." Niki stated, and a smirk appeared on the pale boys lips as he glanced over at Jay and Jake, doing his best to contain his laughter.

"Sorry, guys," He slowly began. "But a games a game..." He shrugged and broke out laughing before being brought in for a group up with Jay and Jake, the three boys cheering, leaving you and Niki left to roll your eyes.

After a little while of messing around in the pool, you finally managed to convince the boys to play your favorite pool game — Volleyball. Though, looking around, you soon came to the realization that the teams would be uneven and ultimately unfair.

"Hey, Niah," you called out to the blonde girl. "Do you want to join?" She asked, but the only response you received was the soft snores coming from Niah's parted lips.

"I'm tired anyways," Niki shrugged, a smirk on his lips as he glanced at you before lifting himself out of the pool and sitting on the edge, water droplets dripping from him. "Y/n and Jake can just team up."

Instantly, you snapped your head over in your best friends direction, a glimpse of shock spread across your features as you sent him a glare. What was he playing at?

Jake, however, was quick to agree and make his way over to you, who sent him a forced smile. You really did not want to be partners with Jake Sim.

But, nevertheless, when the game had begun, and you soon realized you and Jake were losing against your brother and Sunghoon, you let out an annoyed groan as you watched as Jay and Sunghoon conversed about strategies between themselves.

You were annoyed. You wanted to win — especially after (wrongfully) losing in the game of Chicken. The inflatable balloon was thrown back and forth, and just as you thought you could score a point for your team, it would quickly be snatched away by a overly aggressive hit back from Jay.

"Get a grip." You told Jake, who rolled his eyes at your attitude. Having basically grown up with the Park siblings, Jake had become accustomed to their behavior, and he knew that when a competition was involved, he was bound to receive 'tough encouragement' (as Jay would call it) from the either of you.

"Hey," Jake spoke up, beckoning you over to him. Your brows furrowed in confusion, and you held up a pause sign to Jay and Sunghoon, who rolled their eyes and allowed you both to speak.

"What?" You asked, a tone of annoyance laced within your voice. "You're literally sucking ass out there, Jake, come on."

The Sim boy couldn't help but chuckle at your words and he rolled his eyes. "Shut up, I have a plan."

"And that is?"

"You'll see." He stated, before un-pausing the game. "Come stand by me." He stated, and you sent him a look of confusion. Why did he want you to go back over to him? How could they possibly hit the ball when stood together?

"Why?" You questioned and the boy groaned and flared his eyes.

"Will you just do it?!" He questioned, impatiently and you huffed and did as told.

"Can I touch you?" Jake leaned down slightly to your ear and whispered, his hot breath fanning her skin and sending goosebumps all over your body. Your eyes widened at the close proximity and you felt yourself nervously gulp as the boys words swirled around in your head.

"Yes..." you nodded your head, remembering he only saw you as a sister and not witnessing the smirk that appeared on Jake's lips as he placed his hands on your waist beneath the water.

His hands on you felt weird — but in a good way. It sent butterflies crashing into your stomach and made your heart flutter. You’d never been touched like this by a boy before, so everything was peculiar to you. You didn't know what you were feeling.

Snapping you away from your thoughts, you heard Jay yell 'go', before he launched the beach ball over to them. Your eyes widened in fear as you suddenly felt restricted. Jake had his hands on you so you couldn't move, and the ball was flying right your way. There was no way you were going to be hit in the face by another ball on this holiday.

However, before the ball had chance to hit you in the face, Jake lifted you up so that you could have a chance at hitting it, considering Jay would unfairly hit it as high as he could knowing you weren’t tall enough — and luckily, you smacked the ball back over to the opposing team, catching them off guard and making the ball land outside of the pool.

Instantly, a giant smile appeared on your lips as Jake put you down and you quickly spun around, instinctively wrapping your arms around the older boys neck and pulling him in for a victory hug. Jake's arms circled around your waist, pulling you against him as you let out squeals of happiness.

You truly were happy to see the annoyed look on your brothers face.

The moment between Jake and you was interrupted by your father clearing his throat, making you realize what was going on.

Your eyes enlarged in shock and you speedily removed yourself from Jake and turned to your dad, acting as if nothing happened and ignoring the blush that was creeping upon your cheeks.

"There's some boy at the door," He announced, a playful smirk on his lips as he wiggled his brows. "He's asking for you."

Immediately, your eyes lit with excitement and you hurriedly got out the pool and wrapped a towel around her your body. There was only one boy you thought could be at the door and that was Jungwon, and so, as you headed inside, ignoring the eye roll from Jake (which did confuse you for a moment), you quickly walked over to the front door that was left slightly ajar.

Your thoughts were correct. There stood Yang Jungwon with a warm smile on his lips, revealing his cute dimples. "Hey." You smiled at the taller boy.

"Hi," He breathed out, slightly nervous. "Your dads scary." He blurted, and you quickly let out a chuckle.

"He's not once you get to know him." You reassured, the smile remaining on your lips as Jungwon soon mirrored your expression. "What're you doing here?" You wondered.

"Well, me and my friends are having a bonfire on the beach later on," The Yang boy began, shoving a hand in his front pocket. "And I was wondering if you wanted to join?"

As soon as the words left Jungwon's lips, you quickly bobbed your head in agreement. You were starting to really like Jungwon, and so you were more than happy to keep spending time with him.

"I'd love to."

"Cool," Jungwon let out a breath of relief as he nodded his head. "You can bring your brother and your friends along too, if you'd like... the more the merrier."

"Will do." You nodded and Jungwon's smile grew even more.

"Great, I'll come by later to get you?" He asked, and without hesitation, you nodded your head, before you bid your goodbyes, and Jungwon walked away with a grin on his face and you shut the door with a smile on yours.

You knew tonight was going to be fun.

───────────

When Jungwon had arrived at the home later on that night, sticking to his word and picking you up, you all made your way towards the beach — Jungwon and you in front of everyone, and Jake trailing behind everyone else with his hands stuffed in his jean pockets.

"You look really pretty tonight." Jungwon complimented, turning his head to glance down at you, whose cheeks now burned red.

What you were wearing was pretty simple, however you still managed to look as beautiful ever. You wore a pair of baggy denim shorts and a tight fitted red, cropped top. You paired it with your everyday jewelry and a pair of white socks and black and white Adidas Samba's. You hadn't put on loads of makeup when getting ready, considering the sun burn that was decorating your face hurt to touch, so you wore winged eye liner, mascara and a clear lip gloss and you hair just how you liked it.

"Really?" You questioned in a tone that showed you were slightly shocked by the boys compliment and Jungwon chuckled, nodding his head as you did your best to hold back your wide grin.

"You always do." He stated and never in your life did you think you would be thankful for the sunburn that was spread across your cheeks, because otherwise the Yang boy would be able to see your red, beaming cheeks.

Once arriving at the beach, your lips parted in awe as you took in the sight before you. In the center of the beach was a massive, glowing bonfire that had flakes of fire flying from it. It's crisping and crackling sound was just about heard over the loud beat of the electronic music and there were many people dancing around the fire with plastic cups in their hands — more than likely filled with alcohol.

"Do you want a drink?" Jungwon wondered, and you nodded your head in agreement before the boy hurried to the drinks stand, leaving you with large smile on you lips.

"He's only getting you a drink," you heard Jake Sim scoff from beside you, immediately making you turn to look at him with a scowl spread on your features. "No need to swoon over him that much." He rolled his eyes, shaking his head slightly.

"Shut up, Jake." You huffed, fed up of the boy consistently trying to ruin your mood, and so you quickly followed after Jungwon, leaving Jake to watch you reunite and share giggles between each other as Jungwon handed you your drink.

The boy was brought out of his trance by the feeling of Niah linking her arm with his. He glanced down at her and instantly felt his chest pang with realization. He'd almost completely forgot about her. He had been so wrapped up with focusing on you and Jungwon, that he seemed to of forgotten about the girl he brought back from college.

The Sim boy sent her a small (guilt filled) smile, and felt his shoulders slump. All he needed was a drink.

As the night went on, you and Jungwon continued your conversation about something random before you went to get another drink. Jay, Sunghoon, and Niki had found a group of girls to try and impress, Niah ended up going back to the holiday home, telling everyone that she was sure she had sun stroke, and Jake was sat on the sand a little far from the actually rave with a cigarette between his slender fingers, staring out at the water.

A sigh fell from your lips as your eyes landed on him and millions of questions flooded through your mind. For example, how much had he had to drink?

You had known Jake for a while, and had quickly gotten to know his drunk side, and judging from the way he was right now, with his hand trembling and his eyes getting lost in whatever was before him, you gathered he was quite intoxicated.

"Hi." You quietly announced yourself once you approached the boy, who hadn't even turned his head to acknowledge your presence — which made you roll your eyes, but it was Jake, and when Jake was drunk, he didn't think...

"Shouldn't you be with your Lover boy?" The boy scoffed out as you sat down beside him and he took a long drag from the cigarette.

"Why are you being so salty about it all?" You questioned with furrowed brows. "You're acting worse than my actual brother."

And that was true. Jay didn't seem to have a problem with you and Jungwon. He wouldn't throw snarky remarks about him, nor would he send mean looks his way, so why was Jake?

"I'm not being salty," Jake shook his head, denying your words as he blew the smoke out of his mouth, your heart racing at the sight of him.

The orange glow from the sun peered down onto his sun kissed skin, and his brown eyes twinkled beneath the setting sun. He looked majestic and you found herself getting lost in him — however you were quickly pulled from the trance once the Sim boy spoke up again.

"I'm just stating facts."

Silence fell around the the two as you bit down on your bottom lip and followed the boys gaze, your eyes landing on the blue, gleaming ocean.

"Does he know you were once a nerd?" Jake asked, his words slightly slurred as he turned his head to look at you, a quiet — almost non existent chuckle — falling from his lips. Immediately, you felt her face scrunch in confusion and offense and you quickly snapped your head over in his direction.

You couldn't help but feel hurt by the boys words. What was wrong with being a 'nerd'?

Did Jake think Jungwon would change his mind about her if he knew she took her academic life seriously? What was wrong with that?

Was that why Jake never looked at you twice? Did he not like the fact you focused on your grades instead of spreading your legs for random boys at random parties?

"Why are you being such a dick for?" You disputed, shaking your head in disappointment and disbelief. "You're drunk." You sighed out, though it sounded more like you were trying to convince yourself that he was, rather than a statement.

"You've changed since college," you revealed. "The old Jake was always nice." You said, missing the times the Sim boy would never say a bad word about you and always be there to defend you.

"People change, Y/n," He sneered and you quickly felt an even bigger wave of annoyance fill your body at his attitude towards it all. The boy looked you up and down, his eyes taking in the outfit you were wearing and the light make up you had on, and the features on your face before he cocked a brow. "And you're a good example of that."

"What do you mean?" You asked, confused as to what Jake meant. How had you changed? If anyone had changed it was him, not you, so what was he talking about?

A frustrated huff left the boys parted lips and he threw his head back slightly before shaking his head and connecting his eyes with you; the two of you instantly feeling the tension between them thicken.

You felt your breathing hitch as his eyes landed on you, a pit of nerves unleashing within your stomach as you did everything you could to avoid eye contact with the older boy.

"I thought you were supposed to be brainy, huh?" Jake stated. "Or did you just lose all your intelligence when trying to be pretty?"

Your heart ached with hurt. What had gotten into him? Why was he being such a prick?

Was it the alcohol? Though, drunk words were sober thoughts, right? So if that was he thought when sober, how long had he been thinking this?

Did he not think you were pretty? Was that why he used the word 'trying'?

"Fuck off, Jake," you spat, standing up from the sand and walking away from him. "Prick." Rolling off your tongue in a hushed tone as you folded your arms across your chest and headed to the other side of the beach with a stone cold face — your best friend noticing the mood you were in and quickly following after you.

───────────

The warm, summer setting breeze blew softly through your hair, skimming your face as you and Niki sat side by side on the beach, looking out at the ocean. The sun had now set and the only source of light surrounding the beach was the fiery beam from the bonfire that everyone continued to dance around. 

An alcoholic drink was past between you and Nishimura boy as you cracked jokes every now and then; your legs brought up close to your chest as a way to find warmth in the midst of the chilly night. The two of you had been sat away from the rave for twenty minutes and neither of you had any plans of heading back just yet. You liked being in one another's company and gossiping about the party.

"Y/n," Niki began, a sly smirk on the boys lips as he turned his head to look down at you, his eyebrow cocked. "Be honest. Are you really over Jake?" He wondered and instantly, you felt your eyes enlarge slightly in shock at the unexpected question. "You can tell me." He reassured you, who let out a sigh.

"It's weird." You began, looking at him as he listened to you. "I hadn't seen him in so long... and now that I've seen him again, I guess I just feel overwhelmed." You shrugged, not quite sure if what you were saying made any sense.

"And do you really like Jungwon?"

Nodding your head quickly, a smile appeared on your lips as you turned away from looking at Niki and focused your eyes on the sea before you, biting down on your finger nail. "Originally, I was only going to focus on him as a distraction from Jake, but now I'm really starting to like him."

"So," Niki started, a mischievous grin on his lips that made you groan and rolls your eyes. You knew that look all too well. "If they were both to ask you to be their girlfriend, who would you say yes to?"

You felt your breathing hitch as the boys words travelled to your ears. Of course Niki would ask something like this — ask something that you didn’t have an answer to.

Jake was your first love, your childhood crush and you would forever hold a special place for him in your heart — no matter the mean things he'd say to you.

And Jungwon was someone new. He made you feel special, like he only had eyes for you. He was a gentleman and that was something you cherished... however, no matter how hard you thought about the Yang boy, your brothers best friend would always find a way to appear in your head.

Just as your lips parted to answer the boys question, the sound of yells coming from the bonfire caught both of your attentions and instantly made you snap your heads over to see what was going on. Multiple people were crowed around in one place, cheering and holding their phones out to capture what was unraveling.

Without another thought, you both stood from the beach (Niki leaving the once full cup of alcohol buried in the sand) and hurried over to the chaos with confusion and intrigue written across their faces.

You managed to push your way through the crowed of people, muttering apologies beneath your breath as you heard people's scoffs of annoyance.

Immediately, as soon as you got to the front of the circle, your eyes widened in shock once they landed on Jake, who was on top of another boy, punching him. He looked furious and irritated and you couldn't help but feel taken aback by the scene before you.

Jay and Sunghoon were trying to pull their friend off of the random boy — who was trying to fight back, though, due to Jake being above him and having more power over him, it was quite impossible.

Eventually, the Sim boy was yanked off of the stranger, his long sleeved, white t-shirt tearing at the collar as he ran a hand through his dark hair in pique.

Instinctively, you wrapped your hand around Jake's wrist and pulled him away from the circle to prevent him from doing anything else regretful, whilst your brother and Sunghoon spoke to the bloodied boy to find out what had happened.

"What the fuck, Jake?" You spat out once they came to a halt at the end of the beach; you dropping the boys wrist harshly. "Why would you do that?" You asked like an angry mother and all Jake could do was stay silent, looking down at you as his eyes softened.

Squinting your eyes and taking a closer look at his face, you began noticing the wounds displayed across his face. The other guy had managed to get in a punch or two because Jake's bottom lip was burst, and dripping with blood, and his right cheek bone had a slit across it, now oozing with a dark, crimson liquid.

"Answer then," you urged, folding your arms across your chest. You were becoming frustrated with the mute boy. "What are you playing at?"

"You're not my mum, y/n," Jake finally spoke up with a slightly raised voice. He too, was also frustrated. "So quit speaking to me like you are."

All you could do for a moment was scoff and roll your eyes. You were fed up of him. You didn't know what had happened to him since college, but all you knew was that you didn't like it at all.

You didn't like him speaking to you the way he did, and you didn't like his violent actions. The old Jake would never of done that...

"You need to stop being a Dickhead," you stated, looking him up and down before letting out a quiet sigh and dropping your arms to the side of your body. "Go home and clean yourself up. I'm going back to the party." You explained and began to make your way past him.

However, before you could get very far, the boy caught hold of your wrist (Just like you once had hold of his moments ago) and caused you to halt you movements.

"He was talking about you, y/n." Jake confessed. His voice was as soft and sincere as ever and it immediately made your heart warm at his tone. "He was calling you all kind of names."

A long huff fell past your plump lips as you turned around to face the boy. "Like you're any better, Jake, you were calling me a Nerd." You informed whilst your brows scrunched in confusion.

Jake sighed heavily and ran a hand through his hair, slightly tugging at his roots in frustration. "That's different." He stated, instantly making your eyes widen slightly.

"How is it different?"

It was silent for a moment as you looked up at the boy, waiting for an answer to leave his lips. His eyes landed on everything but you and he bit down on his bottom lip (the side that wasn't injured).

"Because it is."

As his eyes eventually met yours, you couldn't help but feel your heart clench at his words.

Why? Why did Jake Sim have to do this to you?

Why did he have to speak in that soft voice and quickly make you go crazy for him?

Why? Whenever he spoke in that tone it always reminded you of the old Jake...

Glancing back at the party with thousands of thoughts swarming your head, you felt your shoulders slump and a quiet huff come from your parted lips as you turned to look back up at the older boy.

"Never call me a Nerd again." You spoke firmly, in a tone that was demanding before taking hold of Jake's wrist again and leading him away from the party, and taking him home.

And so, when you both made it back to the home and quietly made your way up to the bathroom, careful not to wake your parents or Niah, Jake sat himself down on top of the bathroom counter.

Silence filled the air between you and him as you tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear and kneeled down to search through the cabinets beneath the sink for the First Aid kit.

There were many thoughts swirling through your head and questions that you were asking herself, yet couldn't find an answer to were clogging her mind.

Why were you helping Jake?

Why didn't you just stay at the party with Jungwon?

Jungwon…

You had completely forgotten about him and now, as his face appeared in your head you couldn't help but feel guilty for leaving the party without telling him.

Once you had retrieved the kit from behind a load of shampoo bottles, you placed it on the side of the sink and opened the container and began getting the equipment ready.

A few glances were shared between you and Jake, however no words were spoke as you drowned a q-tip in saline solution before hesitantly turning your body to face the Sim boy — who had been watching you the entire time.

"This'll probably going to hurt a bit." You warned, your voice quiet and tone soft, and Jake nodded his head, not uttering a word as he allowed you to clean his wounds.

Gently, you brought the q-tip up to the corner of the boys lip and began to wipe it. The pressure you put on him was delicate, almost like you’d cause even more injury to him if you had pressed down harder. However, no matter the gentle approach you had, it didn't stop the wince of pain escaping Jake's mouth.

Instantly, you pulled back with your eyes slightly widened. "I'm sorry." You quickly apologized, afraid you’d hurt him more than he already was, but Jake shook his head.

"You shouldn't apologize, I should..." He started, shaking his head ever so slightly. "I'm sorry, Y/n," Jake spoke just above a whisper. "For being mean to you, I didn't mean it at all."

"I'm finding that hard to believe." You sighed, a small chuckle falling past your lips as you slumped your shoulders and you lowered your hand that held the q-tip.

The Sim boy bit down on his bottom lip and bowed his head in shame. He knew what he said hurt you, and he wanted nothing more than to take it back. He doesn't know why he said it, but all he knew was that didn't mean it.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," Jake uttered out. "There's something going on with me, Y/n, and I don't know what it is." He explained and raised his head, instantly making their eyes connect.

You could feel a bubble of nerves appear in your chest as their eyes met and you felt yourself gulp whilst you quickly disconnected the eye contact and mimicked Jake's actions by lowering your head.

It felt as if your chest was pounding against your chest, uncontrollably. Jake always knew how to make you feel like this; like your heart was going to burst from your body at any given moment and you hated it. He knew how to make you feel nervous and make the butterflies in your stomach flap their wings.

Quietly, Jake reached forward and placed his hand beneath your chin and slowly raised your head so that you could look back at him. The tension between you was thick as neither of you chose to say a word — the only sound between you being the sound of your breathing.

"What do you mean?" You eventually spoke up. Your voice was as quiet as ever and laced with nerves.

What did Jake mean? Was he ill?

Jake licked his lips whilst his eyes darted from your eyes and down to your own plump lips. They lingered there for a moment, immediately making your breathing hitch and your ears tint red before his dark eyes travelled back to your eyes. It felt like Jake had put you under a spell and now you were caught within his trance.

You could feel his hand reach out and hold onto your hip, pulling you closer to him between his legs. You didn’t know what to say or do, so you remained silent. It pained you weren’t sure if you wanted this moment to end or not.

His cold fingertips brushed against the fabric of your top, gently raising the cloth so that he could curve his fingers around the waistband of your shorts.

You could not just feel a heartbeat in your chest now, but also one between your legs…

You watched as the boys lips parted, about to speak, though before he could get the chance to get any words out, the bathroom door abruptly opened, causing you to jump away from him in fright and for you both to turn your heads to see who had walked in.

"What's going on?" Your mother tiredly asked. Her eyes were half open and her hair was a mess with strands of it poking out in all kinds of directions.

"I fell over." Jake quickly answered. "And Y/n was helping me clean up." He informed the older women, who slightly nodded her head, far too exhausted to properly understand — or care.

"You both should get to bed, it's late." She stated and you agreed with your mother, hurriedly walking past her and headed to your bedroom with your heart still in her throat.

Once Jake got to the room he shared with both Jay and Sunghoon, he lazily dropped down on his bed and let out a long sigh. His mind was restless with images of you running through it.

He felt frustrated with himself. He shouldn't be thinking of Jay's younger sister in the way he does. That was his best friends sister. You were off limits. Jake Sim had a girlfriend — Niah, and yet he didn't find himself wanting to be near her all the time like he did with you.

There was something wrong with him... there had to be...

Pulling out his phone from his back pocket, the boy began scrolling through it, desperate to get his mind off of you and to get rid of his growing hard on. However, as the boys finger clicked on the contacts icon and he scrolled past Niah's name and landed on yours, he sighed.

You still up|

This was a bad idea, he thought with his bottom lip between his teeth. He couldn't do it to Jay or Niah, and so without another thought, he deleted the message and shut off his phone, groaning in frustration.

This was hell.

───────────

It had been four days since you had cleaned Jake Sim's wounds, and to say the tension between the two of you was thick would be a massive understatement.

Neither of you had spoken about that night even though it was constantly on both of your minds.

What had Jake meant by something being wrong with him?

You and Jungwon had kept in contact (you having apologized for leaving so suddenly at the party) and things were going well for you two.

Currently, you and your best friend, Niki were sitting on your bed, locked away from the gloomy weather outside. Despite it being the middle of summer — a time when the sun should be blaring all the time — the clouds still managed to turn a dull grey and swarm the once, clear blue sky, causing everyone to remain in doors.

You mindlessly drew in your sketch book whilst Niki laid beside you, dipping his hand into the family share bag of crisps every now and then as he spoke about whatever was on his mind.

Suddenly, disturbing the two best friends was a knock at your bedroom door, which immediately grabbed your attention as the mystery person walked in.

"Heeseung's inviting us over," your brother, Jay, informed you both. "And Jungwon is gonna be there." He added before quickly leaving your room so that he could put his shoes on.

The younger boy beside you nudged your arm jokingly, as he stood up from the bed, disregarding the crisp packet that was now empty and slipping his shoes on.

"Come on," Niki bobbed his head, motioning for you to move. "We're going."

And so, after arriving at Heeseung's holiday home and the group had gotten themselves comfortable in the Lee boys living room (each of them dotted on the sofa), Jungwon, Jake, Heeseung, and Niki had all decided to play a video game on the console.

"When I come back to Korea sometime, we should definitely go and get our nails done together." Niah suggested with a wide smile on her pink lips. You both had decided to sit beside one another, stating that you didn't want to get involved within the chaos of video game rage.

Nodding your head in agreement, you turned your head away from the large television and looked at the girl next to you, mirroring her smile. "That'd be nice, I could also introduce you to some of my friends, I'm sure you'd get along with them well."

Just as Niah parted her lips to add on to your suggestion, your attention was pulled away from the conversation as Jungwon turned to you, nudging your arm gently.

"Do you wanna play?" He asked, holding out the controller for you to take. You couldn't help but smile at his gesture and nod your head — even though you had no idea what to press and how to play the game.

"Do you know how to play?" Jungwon softly chuckled out once noticing your hesitation to press anything. Lifting your head up from the controller and looking at the Yang boy, an embarrassed laugh quietly passed your lips.

"Not really." You shook your head — which instantly earned knowing giggles from your best friend and Niah.

"That's okay, I'll teach you." Jungwon shrugged and inched his body closer to your body, before he placed his hands on top of yours, showing you what button and stick does what.

As Jungwon's warm breath fanned your exposed neck causing multiple goosebumps to form on your skin, you hadn't realized you were holding your breath — no, not until a gasp left your mouth in shock as your screen turned black and the words 'DECEASED' appeared in bold, red writing.

"What the hell, Jake?" Jungwon huffed out in confusion, visibly irritated with the older boy for murdering his character. "We're on the same team."

Glancing over at the raven haired boy, who had refused to look at you and Jungwon, you were quick to notice Jake's clenched jaw and his bottom lip tightly tucked between his teeth — and when the Sim boy turned his head to look over at you, the annoyance in his eyes became as obvious as ever as they met your ones.

"My bad." Jake brushed the matter off, sending a glare at Jungwon before turning back to the video game, which only made you roll your eyes.

Suddenly, the sound of thunder echoed throughout the neighborhood and lightning struck brightly in the air and rain soon began to angrily fall from the clouds. The sky had turned miserable with the dark clouds taking over the setting sun.

"So much for summer." Heeseung scoffed, running a hand through his black hair before going back to the game — however, the plans of continuing the video game was abruptly ended as the television and all of the lights in the home switched off.

"A blackout?" Jay groaned and you let out a sigh. What were you going to do now? It wasn't like you could go home because the street lights weren't working, so Jay (who'd driven in your parents' car) wouldn't be able to see clearly with not only the darkness, but also the pouring rain. It'd be dangerous.

As time passed, and conversations about what to do changed into jokes being made in the dark and then to 'horror stories with Niki', boredom soon fell upon the group as huffs were thrown about. There were no signs of the electricity being turned on as minutes soon turned to hours.

"Hey," Niki spoke up, a playful grin displayed on his lips that could be seen due to the flash from his phone being shone on his face on his lips. His tone was filled with excitement and it quickly grasped everyone's attention as you turned to look at the youngest, waiting to hear his idea.

"Let's play hide and seek."

───────────

"But I don’t want to be on." Jay stated, folding his arms across his chest as everyone gathered back in the living room.

You all had been playing for a good few hours and to say it was a good way to pass time would be an understatement. The home had been filled with laughter and screams of excitement and fright when getting caught, and now, as the sun officially set and had been replaced by the glowing moon, you were moving into the next round of (what seemed to be) a never ending game.

"Everyone but you has been on." You pointed out, annoyed at your brother for acting like a child. "Just suck it up, Jongseong and get to counting."

Jay instantly rolled his eyes at you. "Shut your mouth." He scoffed and turned around to face away from everybody, as he then began to loudly call out the numbers leading up to one hundred.

Without another thought, you had disbanded into every direction of the large home. At first, during the first few rounds, you couldn't help but struggle with finding somewhere good to hide. You didn't know your way around the house well enough, and so hiding behind curtains was the best you could do.

However, as time went on and places around the house caught your eye, it was safe to say you’d won one or two games of hide and seek.

You could hear Jay in the eighties and felt your eyes widen and your heart begin to smack against your chest, anxiously. All of your saved spots had been taken and so you were left with the closest in one of the spare bedrooms.

Huffing in frustration, there were ten seconds left until your brother would search for you and quickly, without another thought, you slid the door open and stepped inside, grateful that the closet was empty.

You stood in silence, patiently waiting for Jay to begin his hunting, and you leaned back slightly, resting your back on the wall as you caught your breath. Running around a house and laughing at the same time causing you to be at a loss of air.

Suddenly, the closet door was slid open in a hurry and for a moment, you felt your shoulders slump with defeat at the belief of being caught and so you stood up straight — however when you watched the figure shut the door behind them, your brows furrowed with confusion.

Had you not been found yet?

The wardrobe was awkwardly silent, the only sound that could be heard was your heavy breathing (which you were embarrassed about).

Who had joined you in the confined space?

"And I thought I was the smoker." They scoffed out a quiet chuckle, and instantly, your eyes widened as the familiar voice travelled to your ears.

It was Jake...

"Jake, what the hell, I was here first, get out," you swiftly broke out into a rant, your voice slightly raised which was bound to grasp Jay's attention as he roamed the corridors. And so, the Sim boy did the first thing that came to mind, shut you up.

Stepping closer to you, who was still talking at a fast and uncontrollable pace, Jake quickly placed his hand over your mouth, covering it and stopping any noise coming from you as you hid.

The action effortlessly made your eyes widened in shock and you stumbled backwards slightly, leaning your back against the wall once again. You didn't know how to feel about the situation you were currently in. It was pitch black, so you couldn't see him due to the hiders not being allowed a torch, so they were only left to their memory.

You could feel the boys minty breath hitting your skin due to your close proximity, and the longer you stayed stood in front of one another with his hand still over your mouth, the more relaxed you became — and you didn't know why.

You were supposed to be annoyed at him — annoyed at him because he rudely stopped you from speaking, and took your hiding spot. You were supposed to no longer like him. You no longer had feelings for him... you liked Jungwon, right?

You could feel your eyes soften and the once feeling of your body being tense vanished.

Despite not being able to see him, you knew he towered over you and knowing that you had to look up at him, you couldn't help but feel nervous and submissive.

Eventually, Jake slowly removed his hand from your face and placed it on the wall behind you, beside your head.

"Are you finished?" He asked, his tone as quiet as ever, and all you did was nod your head (forgetting the fact he couldn't see you).

It was now, when the only thing that could be heard was your breathing and the screams from your friends being caught, that everything you wanted to ask him came back to you.

You wanted to know what he was going to tell you the other night, before your mother interrupted you.

You wanted to know what was wrong with him and why he'd been acting the way he had.

"Jake..." you softly called out, earning a 'hm?' as a response from the said boy. Licking your lips and opening your mouth to question him, you were abruptly stopped by the lights switching back on — and it was then, that you and Jake Sim became aware of just how close you were stood.

The light from the bedroom the closest was in was piercing through the small gaps in the wardrobes wooden doors, allowing you to see one another. Your bodies were centimeters from touching, and all it would take would be one small nudge for you lips to touch due to the older boy leaning down.

Your position took them by surprise, and you couldn't help but nervously gulp as your cheeks burned red.

"I-" you went to start, though it seemed as if you would never get a chance to ask your questions because just when you built up the courage to do so, the closet door quickly slid open, immediately making you push Jake away from you, afraid that whoever opened the door would get the wrong end of the stick... or would it really just be the right end?

"Powers back on," Jungwon awkwardly stated, his lips tightly shut as he glanced between you two. "Um, Jay said your parents want you home." He informed.

Nodding your head at the Yang boy, you sent a small, guilt filled smile his way before you walked past him and hurried downstairs, wanting nothing more than to get out of the situation.

You felt awful.

───────────

Your eyes quickly sprung open in shock to the sound of your brother yelling out for you from the kitchen. You sat up in your bed and threw your blankets from your body and hurried over to your bedroom door and pulled it open, concerned as to what Jay could possibly want at ten in the morning.

"What!?" You shouted back to him, and impatiently waited for a minute or two as the older boy grew silent. "Jay, what?!" You yelled once again, your tone filled with annoyance, hoping that he'd eventually answer.

"Jungwon's outside for you." The Park boy finally told you, and quicker than ever, your eyes widened in confusion and you shut your bedroom door.

Why was Jungwon here?

Sighing to yourself, worry filled within your chest as you began to get ready — already overthinking the situation and picturing of the worse case scenario.

"Hey..." you softly spoke as you shut the front door behind you once making it downstairs. Jungwon was stood at the end of the porch steps, leaned against a post with his hands stuffed in jean pockets. He looked up at you and sent you a smile whilst you returned it and stood at the top of the steps, looking down at him.

"Hi." He spoke back, letting out a sigh as silence swarmed the two. It was suffocating and all you wanted to do was leave. It was a weird feeling you were feeling when being with Jungwon.

Before, you wanted nothing more than to be around him because he made you feel comfortable, and forget about all of your worries, yet now, you felt the complete opposite.

"Listen," The boy began, letting a pregnant pause fall between you as he looked away from you and out at the sea. "I don't think this is going to work." He revealed, turning to look back at you, who now had a brow raised in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't think me and you are going to be able to more forward." He explained and as the words hit you, you felt your chest slightly ache.

Why?

"Its obvious you're meant to be with someone else..." Jungwon sadly shrugged, answering your thoughts before you had the chance to vocalize them.

"Jungwon, I don't understand," you shook your head, walking down the steps so that you were face to face with him, your brows still furrowed. "What do you mean I'm 'meant to be with someone else'?"

The boy before you kissed his teeth and ran a hand through his healthy, brown hair in frustration. "You and Jake, y/n... it's obvious, is it not?"

"No," you shook her head. "It's not obvious."

It wasn't obvious because there wasn't anything going on between you. He was just your brothers best friend... nothing more, nothing less.

You were over him, you didn't want him anymore... right?

"Well then that's something you both need to sort out." Jungwon licked his lips, shaking his head slowly as he began to take a few steps back. "I'll see you around, y/n."

You remained silent for a moment as you watched as the Yang boy walked away from you, your shoulders feeling as if they were caving in on you.

Perhaps you didn't like Jungwon as much as you thought you did?

Sighing to yourself, you ran a through your hair and turned on your heel to head back inside — however, your eyes widened slightly and you felt your breathing hitch at the sight of him, Jake Sim, standing in the doorway.

“Are you okay?" Jake's voice rang out softly as he took a step forward, closing the front door behind him. His black hair sat effortlessly on his forehead, and he was clad in a pale red, sweater that had white writing on and was split at the collar, along with a pair of blue denim jeans that had a few rips in.

If you were being honest, he looked perfect (as always). The bright glow from the sun shone down onto him, making him look even more majestic than he already was.

"What?" You questioned in surprise, you being caught off guard by his question.

"Are you okay?" Jake repeated, slowly making his way towards you with his hands in his front pockets. "I mean," He began, shrugging slightly as you looked up at him. "I saw what happened, and I know you liked him..."

Your eyebrows furrowed in ultimate confusion. It felt as if the old Jake had returned as his voice was laced with sincerity and his eyes glassy; the Jake at the start of the trip having vanished.

"Oh..." you quietly spoke, gulping as his eyes remained on you, making a volcano of nerves erupt in your stomach. "I'll be okay." You nodded your head, forming your lips into a tight line as you sighed.

If only he knew you were much more broken about him, rather than Jungwon...

"Come," The boy instructed as he headed towards Jay's car with the keys in his hand. You hadn't even noticed them in his clutch. "I wanna take you somewhere."

Confused and shocked, your eyebrow raised slightly in suspicion as you followed after him. "Did Jay even allow you to use his car?" You wondered, a breathy chuckle falling from your lips, (knowing how protective your brother was over his most prized possession) as Jake opened the passenger door for you.

"He's my best friend, Y/n," Jake pointed out the obvious. "Of course he'll allow me — and he thinks I'm going to the shop to get snacks." He grinned, which only made you mirror his expression and get into the car (your chest filled with curiosity).

As the Sim boy got into the seat beside you and started the car, you couldn't help but feel nervous as you watched as one of his hands steered the wheel and the other occasionally rested on the side by the rolled down window, or lingered on the gear stick. His eyes remained on the road in a concentrated manner, and his lip was often found between his teeth.

You could almost hear the blood pumping through your body as your cheeks heated; visions of last nights hide and seek game returning to you. You remembered how his warm breath fanned your face, causing goosebumps to decorate your skin, and how he laid his hand on your mouth, preventing you from getting them caught. You remembered how his taller figure almost pressed against your smaller one, and how your lips were oh so close to touching —

You hadn't even realize the car had come to a halt until your door was opened, instantly snatching you from your long train of memories.

Once you stepped out of the vehicle, and the instant wave of heat hit your in the face, your eyes landed on a boardwalk with many different stalls on, and below the boardwalk was a beach that had a few people sunbathing on whilst others shopped at the mini stands, buying all sorts of souvenirs.

"Come on," Jake chuckled at your shocked expression, walking towards the walkway. You couldn't help but smile and follow after him. You’d only been here a few times with your family, so now you were here with just Jake, you were more than excited.

However, reality sunk in as you both started looking at the different key rings on a stall and you couldn't help but sigh heavily.

Why was Jake doing this? He had a girlfriend, so why was he taking you out and buying you things like he was more than just your brothers best friend?

"Do you like these?" Jake wondered, holding up a pair of sunglasses to his face and posing, which only made you laugh at his silly behavior. Your heart was pounding and it felt as if it was about to burst from your rib cage. The reason for you liking Jake Sim in the first place was returning and you didn't know what to do or how to control your feelings...

"I love them, Jake." You chuckled and he grinned back, revealing his gummy smile as he turned to the lady to pay.

You shouldn't be here.

You and Jungwon had just ended whatever was going on between you, and Jake had something going with Niah...

It was meant to feel wrong, yet it felt so right.

A little while later, after a few hours of shopping, both of your feet were beginning to ache from walking around so much, and sweat was dripping from your foreheads, so you decided to stop at an ice cream parlor to cool down.

"Do you think Jay's mad?" You wondered after taking a bite from your Caramel flavored Ice Cream, making Jake look up from his cup of Ice Cream, shaking his head slightly.

"I'm taking his sister out, I have a good explanation." Jake chuckled, the image of an angry Jay appearing in his head — along with the thought of you now being single...

He no longer had to worry about you with some other guy that wasn't him.

He no longer had to feel jealous when seeing you with someone other than him.

Silence fell upon them for a moment as you enjoyed your food, finally being able to feel a sense of coolness well within your bodies. It was relaxing as you enjoyed one another's company — though, the silence was short lived as you felt a question threatening to fall from your tongue.

"Jake," you began, licking your lips nervously. There were many things that were playing on your mind ever since you sat in your brothers car. "Did you hear everything Jungwon said?" You wondered, hoping he hadn't heard the Yang boy insinuate things between you and Jake.

Jake paused for a second, thinking back to earlier when he eavesdropped on you and Jungwon — quite easily remembering the confusion in your voice as you questioned Jungwon, and Jungwon's explanation.

The boy bit his bottom lip before shaking his head.

"No, I only watched him walk away," He lied, shrugging his shoulders, not telling you the truth. "I guess I gathered the conversation wasn't good by your guys' facial expressions." He explained and you nodded your head slightly, hesitantly believing him as they went on to finish their Ice Cream.

───────────

"Jake, what the hell! Don't soak me!" You screamed as you hurriedly ran away from the Sim boy, who was chasing after you in the shallow water of the Sea, desperately trying to wet you.

After finishing your cold snack, you both decided to head down to the beach. You’d only planned on sitting on the sand for a little while, however with Jake's complaining about how hot the weather was, he ended up rolling his jeans up and forcing you to go in with him.

Laughter accentuated from you both as droplets of water fell from Jake's raven hair, and you did everything you could to not get wet.

"I said I don't want to get wet!" You yelled at him, though the boy took no notice of your words and quickly splashed the salty water onto you, instantly making you bring your arms up to cover your face as your clothes dampened.

It was quiet for a while as Jake waited for a reaction to spring from you, him doing everything he could to not break out in hysterics. You let out a small huff before quickly splashing him back.

There was no way you were going to allow him to soak you and not be able to do it back.

A little while later, once both you and Jake grew tired of messing around in the water, you sat yourselves down on the sand to dry off; you looking out at the beautiful ocean and Jake pulling out a cigarette beside you.

Glancing over at him with the stick between his lips, about to light it, you couldn't help but sigh in disapproval. You’d always been against smoking when growing up, knowing the causes it had, so when you witnessed Jake, one of the boys (besides your brother and father and best friend) you cared for most following through with those actions, you felt worried.

"I don't like it when you smoke." You spoke up, turning your head to face him as he blew out a drag of the acrid air.

Jake, slightly caught off guard, turned to look at you as he pulled the cigarette from his lips and held it between his fingers and away from you.

"Why?" He lowly asked, subconsciously allowing his eyes to fall down to your lips, which only made your breathing quiver.

"Because it's bad for you." You stated, attempting to swallow the nerve-filled lump in your throat as his face leaned slightly closer to yours. "You're basically just killing yourself — Do you know how much—"

A small laugh escaped Jake's mouth, cutting you off as he nodded his head slightly, moving his eyes back to your own eyes.

"Okay." He nodded, smoothly putting out the cigarette. "I'll stop." He announced, quietly.

"What?" You questioned, taken back by his actions. "That easy?"

"Yeah," Jake bobbed his head. "If you want me to stop, y/n, I'll stop," He explained, narrowing his attention back to your plump lips as he licked his own.

"Just for you." He spoke just above a whisper, the air around them instantly feeling thick and suffocating, and yet all you wanted to do was drown in it.

Gulping once again, you could feel your body become numb and your mouth become dry as you watched as Jake slowly started to lean in; his attention dancing between your lips and eyes.

You didn't know what to do.

You wanted to kiss him so bad.

You wanted to finally give in to her four year crush and plant your lips on his and allow him to have his way with you, however there was still Jay and Niah.

You couldn't do that to them...

"Y/n," Jake began, traces of nervousness in his voice as he slowly brought his hand up and delicately held the side of her face, setting off millions of butterflies in your stomach.

There was a pregnant pause as you waited for Jake Sim to finish his sentence. You could hear your breathing quicken and your heart pick up its pace as his warm hand held your face, you wanting nothing more than to lean into his touch,

"Can I kiss you?"

"Jake..." You breathed out, gulping nervously as your eyes diverted down to his red, plump lips that were only centimeters away from touching your own.

You could feel your heartbeat beating throughout your body, and ill thoughts of you and Jake sprouting in your mind; scenes of what might possibly happen if you allowed his lips to touch yours.

And you wanted to allow him — so badly...

You wanted to fulfill your dreams of kissing the boy you’ve liked for years. You wanted to give in to the temptations, you really did...

However, the images of your brother and Niah appeared in your head, clogging your thoughts and a stream of guilt ran through your body, turning you cold.

You couldn't do that to them...

"We can't." You shook your head, your accent meek as you hesitantly turned to look away from him — your heart painfully aching in your chest.

As much as you wanted to kiss Jake Sim, not wanting to hurt anybody was far more important to you rather than your happiness.

Jake remained silent as he nodded his head, his eyes landing on the ocean before him as he licked his lips.

"My brother, Jake," you reminded the boy beside you, your attention landing back on him. "And Niah, you're girlfriend... We just can't... I don't want to hurt them."

"I understand, Y/n," Jake reassured, running a hand through his hair as he stood up from the sand. "Now come on," He grinned, ignoring the odd feeling in his stomach. "I'm pretty sure Jay is gonna get suspicious." He chuckled.

You stifled out a laugh as you agreed and stood up, trailing behind him with a heavy heart as he headed towards the car.

You couldn't believe what had happened.

Once both you and Jake arrived back at the holiday home after buying snacks from the convenience store and a long, silent journey home, you both parted ways: Jake heading to the living room to play video games, where he received Jay's rant about how long he took, and you hurried up to your bedroom, shutting your door behind you and laying yourself across your mattress.

Images of Jake flashing through your head as you shut your eyes, a long sigh escaping your lips.

You could only wonder what would of happened if you allowed him to kiss you... you could only imagine the feeling of his warm lips against yours and what would of played out if your innocent acts escalated and turned sinful — and so, as your thoughts trailed, and your fingers subconsciously brushed against your parted lips, you felt her chest heave and your cheeks turn red with fluster.

The only sound you could hear were the yells of Jay, Jake, Sunghoon and Niki downstairs as they played their game, and your mother and fathers mumbled conversation from outside seeping through your slightly ajar window. It was enough to send you into a slumber as Jake Sim's face took over everything.

Later that night, everybody was sat around the family table, eating the food yours and Jay's parents provided. There were brief conversations taking place between Jay, his father, Niki and Sunghoon about the latest Football scores, and Niah and your mother chit-chatting about their split ends.

Though, you and Jake sat in silence with you resting your head on your palm as you mindlessly played with the food on your plate, glancing up at Jake before you every now and then — who refused to look at you, as he kept his eyes plastered on the dish.

Ever since you’d awoken from your nap a few hours ago, Jake had done everything he could to avoid you.

When you entered the kitchen to get yourself a glass of orange juice, he was quick to exit, telling Sunghoon he had to 'drop the kids off at the pool', completely disregarding your presence.

After that, when everyone (minus your parents) were gathered in the living room, watching old movies, you had joined a little later, sitting next to Jake as it was the only available seat — though the Sim boy was quick to stand and move to sit on the uncomfortable, wooden floor (where he later moaned about having a numb bum).

His sudden change angered you. You couldn't seem to understand why he was avoiding you and acting as if you were the one that asked him to kiss you.

And so, as dinner continued and more small talk was made, you couldn't help but feel uncomfortable, annoyed, and saddened — and it seemed that your mother was quick to pick up on your low mood.

"Y/n, help me clean the plates, will you?" Your mum asked with a sweet smile on her lips, making it hard for you to decline.

"What's going on?" Jihye (your mother) questioned, glancing at you as she scrubbed the plates clean.

"What do you mean?" You asked, playing off your current emotions with a confused smile. You were never good at expressing your emotions, especially to your parents, so the situation you were currently in made your body shrivel with embarrassment and uncomfortableness.

"Don't play dumb, y/n," your mother warned, handing you a dish to dry. "You're my baby girl, I know when something's up, now come on, tell me."

Shaking your head and releasing a breathy chuckle, you sighed. "There's nothing wrong, Mum, trust me."

"So if there's nothing wrong, why are you and Jake avoiding each other like an old married couple?"

Instantly, your eyes widened in shock which only made your mother laugh and shake her head. "Honestly, y/n, you're both acting like you've had a massive row. Have you?"

"No..." you denied, feeling your shoulders slump. To be honest, you didn't completely know. Were you having a argument with Jake? And if so, what over?

"That doesn't sound too convincing." Jihye hissed, tilting her head and narrowing her eyes down at you, who threw your head back and released a groan.

"I feel awful." You bluntly stated, looking up at your mother, whose brows creased in confusion.

"Why's that?"

"Because..." you took a deep breath in, preparing yourself for what you were about to reveal. Never in your life had you revealed your deepest secret to anyone in your family. You were always afraid of their reaction, worried they'd tell Jay, or degrade you for liking your older brothers best friend.

"I think I'm in love with Jake — and I know I shouldn't be because he's Jay's best friend, and Jay's warned me about liking any of his friends and he has a girlfriend, but I can't help it, Mum, I really can't." You began, and as you ranted, you couldn't help but notice your shoulders begin to feel lighter — as if a ton of bricks had been pulled from you.

"I've tried to move on, but he's always there and it's so annoying," you breathed out, your tone filled with pain and pent up frustration. "And one minute he's acting like he likes me too, and the next he's avoiding me like I've insulted him. I hate it, Mum, I hate it so much."

Without another word, your mother pulled you in for a hug, wanting nothing more than to take your worries and pain from you.

"I don't know how to handle it anymore, Mum." You whispered into your mothers hair as you wrapped your arms around the older woman's waist.

"It'll get easier, y/n, I promise." Jihye reassured, pulling back to look down at you. "He's a boy — they can be immature creatures at times, trust me. You need to be straightforward with him and pull him up on his behavior. As much as I love him like he's my own, he shouldn't treat you the way he has."

You remained silent, listening to your mothers words and nodding your head in agreement. She was right after all. You needed to confront Jake Sim immediately. He shouldn't get to treat you how he likes.

"You're right." You stated, and Jihye grinned.

"See," She playfully nudged you. "I said I could sense something was up." She chuckled. "Now, find the right time to talk to him about it — and if I was you, I'd make sure you explain it in a way to make sure he understands. Boys can be quite dense at times." She shrugged, which only made a laugh pass your lips as you nodded once again, before continuing to dry the dishes.

You were going to take your mothers advice and do as said as soon as possible.

───────────

Aa the glowing moon overtook the once blazing sun, you sat silently on the ledge of the pool with your legs submerged in the cool, chlorine water; your mothers words continuing to spiral in your head.

Everyone had either gone up to their rooms to hang around, or were fast asleep, so the only noise that you could hear were the crickets in the distance as you focused your attention on your legs that were swaying in the water — the nap you’d taken earlier causing you not to feel tired.

"Hi." You heard his voice quietly and softly announce, making you fall away from your thoughts and look over to the sliding doors that Jake Sim was closing behind him. Immediately, your brows furrowed in anger and a scoff left your lips.

Hi? Was he stupid?

"What?" You harshly asked, refusing to look up at him. You were fed up of his bullshit.

"Y/n—" Jake began, as he headed over to you, however before he could get any other words out, you put a halt to his actions.

"No," you shook your head, looking up at him, a scowl present on your face. "You don't get to come out here and sweet talk me into making me forget how you were with me this evening." You stated rather harshly. "I can't deal with it anymore, Jake. I'm not some doll you can mess around with. I'm human too, I have feelings, you know?" You huffed, turning to look away from the boy who stood with his hands deep in his jean pockets.

"Y/n, let me explain—" He attempted to start, though you shook your head once again, licking your lips. You no longer cared. You were going to take your mothers advice and explain everything.

"Shut up, Jake," you ordered, catching him off guard. "You can't keep treating me like I'm a piece of gum — one minute you're all for me, and then the next you're acting like I'm just on the bottom of your shoe. I'm fed up. I've had enough. I'm not a kid anymore, so quit treating me like shit." You firmly stated as you stood up, getting your legs out of the pool and standing face to face with the older boy.

It was now or never.

"I like you, Jake, so much and I have for a long time, but you're my brothers best friend — you have a girlfriend, and you're mean to me for no reason, and I just have to deal with it. Do you know how hard that is for me?—"

"Do you know how hard it is for me?" Jake cut you off, pointing to himself as he let out a breathy chuckle, his tongue poking the inside of his cheek as he glanced away from you, who was now confused more than ever. What was he talking about?

"You're my best friends baby sister, I shouldn't like you, but I can't help it, Y/n." He revealed, which instantly made your eyes widen at his confession. "I feel so guilty for feeling the way I do towards you because I'm betraying Jay — You know, I promised him at the start of our friendship that I wouldn't look at you in such a way, but I just can't help it, y/n, you do things to me that I can't explain."

Silence fell upon you both as neither of you knew what to say. The tension was thicker than it had ever been, and currently, all you wanted to do was latch your hands on one another — but you knew you couldn't.

Taking a gulp and a small sigh, you slightly shook your head, confusion taken over your facial expression.

"So why treat me the way you have? I don't get you. You make me feel special for a second, and the next you're making me feel like I've done something to you."

You watched as Jake ran a frustrated hand through his hair and parted his plump lips. "Because you have, Y/n," He started, pausing for a split second to gather his words before continuing.

"I've never felt this way before. I thought at first it was just some stupid little crush on my best friends younger sister, but it just continued to grow bigger and I couldn't handle it. I felt guilty. So I thought the best way to get over you was just to get with a load of girls—"

"And become a man whore?" You questioned, which only made Jake send a glare at you before continuing his explanation.

"That obviously didn't work — but when I moved to Australia for College, I thought I finally forgot about my feelings for you. I believed I was finally over you, that's why I got with Niah, but coming here and seeing you again made realize I was wrong, y/n — so wrong. It wasn't like I could just go back to my old ways and sleep around, so I thought it'd just be best to push you away—"

"On days you felt like it?" You interrogated, raising your brow which only made Jake huff.

"Y/n, I'm sorry." He apologized, stepping towards you, hoping you wouldn't move away from him — and you didn't.

You allowed him to stand closer to you.

She allowed him to stand closer to her.

She allowed him to gently take hold of the sides of her face.

She allowed him to raise her lowered head.

She allowed him to caress her cheeks with his thumbs.

She allowed their eyes to meet, and she allowed her heart to flutter.

"I'm so sorry," Jake said just above a whisper, his eyes never leaving yours. "I don't know what to do. I've never felt this way about someone like I do with you."

Your breathing hitched at the boys words and you felt your cheeks heat up. This was all you wanted. You finally had the boy you’ve liked — the boy you’ve fallen in love with — confessing his feelings to you and all you wanted to do was kiss him.

"Jake," you just about managed to get out, her throat feeling tight and her chest feeling heavy with emotion. The tension between them was suffocating as they both stood in the back garden, the glow from the pool shining onto them, both of their intentions being the same.

"I—" you started, however the sound of the sliding doors abruptly shutting was heard, quickly causing both of your heads to snap over in the direction of it, worry and confusion pumping through both of your veins.

Had someone been listening?

───────────

Waking up the next day, Jake Sim felt different — in a good and bad way. It felt as if a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders now that he had realized he still felt the same way he always had for you, and confessed his feelings to you, yet the remaining thought of Jay and Niah was still evident in the back of his mind.

He knew he'd end up hurting Jay if he ever found out about the way Jake felt towards his younger sister, but he couldn't help it. The feelings he felt for you were far too strong for him to keep to himself any longer — it'd end up killing him.

Jake Sim also knew he would have to speak to Niah before it was too late. He couldn't continue to lead her on, making her believe he loved her when in reality, he didn't, she was just a distraction.

It was wrong, he knew that, and so as he threw his covers from his body, sending a 'Goodmorning' nod to Sunghoon, who was busy drying his hair in the mirror (Jay already having got up hours before everyone else), Jake stood up.

A yawn fell from his lips and he stretched his body slightly, desperately trying to escape the early morning fatigue — however, if his stretching wasn't enough to wake him, the note on the bed side table with his name on sure was.

His brows creased with confusion and he sent a quick glance over to Sunghoon to see if he had any idea on what the mysterious note was, though the Park boy shook his head and turned the hair dryer off.

Jake picked up the note, sitting on the edge of his bed to open it up, curiosity welling up in his veins as his eyes landed on each and every word.

To: Jake,

By the time you end up reading this, I would've left. The time I spent at the Parks holiday home was truly a one of a kind experience, and I'll forever be grateful to you for introducing me to Mr & Mrs Park, and of course, y/n. I like y/n, she's cute and any guy would be an idiot not to realize his feelings for her (p.s, you're the idiot !!)

I knew the minute she stepped out of her parents car on the first day of summer that there was something going on. I mean, if you're constant staring at her didn't tell me, then your overprotectiveness was just a slap in the face — and then when I overheard your guys' conversation by the pool last night, it really gave me clarity. I no longer felt like a toxic girlfriend that was overlooking every interaction you both had.

So, no hard feelings, yeah? We're still going to remain friends, right? I wanna know all the updates between you and y/n (good luck with Jay!!)

P.S: tell y/n that she MUST come visit Australia so that we can get our nails done together!!

- Niah

A heavy breath left Jake's mouth as he stayed silent, staring down at the letter. He didn't know how to feel. He was shocked at the way Niah handled the situation, knowing most girls he'd been with in the past would of gone a-wall. If anything, Niah's reaction made him respect the girl even more.

And so, as Jake folded the note back up and stood, he exited the bedroom, preparing himself for the questions he would be asked about Niah's disappearance.

"So, she just left?" Jay questioned as he spooned a load of scrambled eggs onto his plate. Everybody had decided to sit outside on the bench to enjoy the breakfast both Jay and your parents had prepared considering it was a beautiful day and coming up to their final days at the holiday home.

You watched as Jake nodded his head, the boy and you stealing glances at one another every now and then as he was sat opposite you on the bench.

"Yeah," He began, slowly dragging his eyes away from you. "She told me she was feeling homesick and that our relationship wasn't working." He shrugged and as his story hit your ears, you couldn't help but think back to last night.

Was Niah really homesick? Or had she heard yours and Jake's conversation late last night?

"Sorry to hear that, Jake." Your father sympathized with the younger boy, sending him a tight lipped smile.

The breakfast continued peacefully, with small talk taking place from all ends of the bench, however just like yesterday, you and Jake stayed silent; last nights events still playing out in your heads.

You had finally revealed how you felt about one another, so now what?

"Why don't you lot head down to the theme park?" Mrs Park suggested as she finished her plate of food, grasping everybody's attention. "You haven't been there yet, and the holiday is almost over. I heard it's better than it was last year." She wiggled her eyebrows, intriguingly.

Instantly, your eyes widened slightly at the thought of visiting the theme park and many memories flooded your head. It was almost every year (since you were six) you’d gone there and had fun, so it was only right to go this year round. You’d always been sucker for the rides (which you loved forcing Jay to go on) and the headbands.

And so, just when you thought the day would be filled with overthinking and a lack of communication from Jake, your plans were quickly changed because now, you were sat in the back of your brothers car between Jake and Sunghoon.

And so, if it wasn’t for asking Sunghoon to roll down his window, then you would've become a pool of water by the time you could arrive at the theme park.

You didn't think sitting next to Jake Sim would be so difficult, yet there you were, sat beside the older boy trying to contain your ragged breathing as your thighs lightly brushed against each others.

You weren’t sure if your outburst of nerves was due to the fact you hadn't spoken properly since your mutual confession, or because your bodies were squished so closely together due to Sunghoon obnoxiously manspreading.

You hated that you could feel the sweat dripping down the back of your neck — even after having the cool air blow into the car. You tried to focus your thoughts on other things, like listening to your brother and best friend singing their hearts out to a song that was playing on the radio, or thinking about the first ride you’d go on once arriving (if you even made it).

Quietly, it felt as if your thoughts were eating you up. The nonstop voice in your head telling you to just turn your head and see what Jake was doing was almost deafening. A part of you wanted to. You wanted to see what was occupying him during the long, tension-filled car ride, however another part of you didn't; afraid you’d catch eyes or your stomach would erupt in butterflies and make you puke all over the boy.

You ended up going with the latter, and just chose to imagine what he was doing instead — after all, that would be better than throwing your breakfast up on him...

Once you had all eventually arrived, you were quicker than ever to climb out of the car. You could hear the screams and cheers from other people at the amusement park, and the sound of the metal wheels on a cart gliding against the metal railways filled your ears.

A bubble of excitement grew in the pit of your stomach as you glanced over at Niki, who'd already been looking at you, and you both shared the same look of excitement before hurrying over to the entrance, leaving Jay and the other older boys to sort out the payments.

"I haven't been here in so long!" You beamed, your eyes jumping from one ride to the next. "We should go on the 'Hulker Sulker'," you informed your best friend, who eagerly nodded. "That one is so fast!"

"Y/n!" You heard your brother call out for you, instantly making you impatiently turn around. "Sunghoon doesn't want to go on the 'Hulker Sulker', so I'll stay off with him. You, Niki and Jake go on, and please be careful."

Far to excited to care that you’d have to sit next to Jake again, you rolled your eyes at your brother's protectiveness and bobbed your head in understanding before hurrying over to the long (thirty minute) queue.

As the day went on and you lead the boys from one ride to the next, and sat down for a quick lunch before being ushered up again due to a ride that caught your eye, the four boys tiredly stood in front of you, running a hand through their hair whilst yawning and groaning about their aching legs — even Niki, the boy that would constantly match your high energy had become exhausted.

"None of you want to go on with me?" You questioned, your expression filled with shock. It wasn't usual they got tired this easily, however it was expected due to the beaming rays of sun that constantly peered down on them.

The four boys sent a few glances between one another. A look as if to say 'who wants to suck it up and go on?' and all you could do was huff.

"You don't have to come on, don't worry." You chuckled. "I can just ride it on my own." You shrugged and turned on your heel, about to walk away and to join the already long queue.

"Wait," you heard a voice call out to you, which only made a slight smirk form on your face as you then turned around to see who would accompany you on the pirate ship.

Instantly, as your eyes landed on the familiar set of dark, brown eyes and the dark lock of hair that sat on his head, you felt your heart pound against your chest.

How were you going to survive an hour long queue with Jake Sim?

"I'll come on with you." He stated and they began walking to the entrance, you still shocked.

"Are you sure?" You questioned, hesitantly glancing back to the other three boys before looking up at Jake, who nodded and shrugged his shoulders, shoving his hands in his denim jean pockets.

"Yeah, I like the Pirate Ship," He revealed with a playful grin. "It's a childhood favorite." Jake slightly nudged you, softly, making you let out a chuckle as you both stood behind a group of people.

Silence overtook you two. It wasn't comfortable, nor was it uncomfortable. It was just silence.

You found yourself being occupied by one of the fake plants the park had used to decorate the waiting area, and Jake was busy kicking a pebble on the floor and habitually biting his lip.

"Are you having fun?" The boy wondered, moving his attention away from the small stone and over to you, who had now whipped your head over in his direction and nodded.

"Of course, there's never been a time where I haven't had fun at the theme park." You grinned, ignoring the memory of ten year old Jay puking all over your hair as you went down a slope in a ride.

"Cute." You heard Jake mumble beneath his breath whilst he allowed his eyes to linger on you for a little longer, before the line moved. You could feel your cheeks burning and your stomach flutter and sweat trail down her body.

The things he made you feel...

Memories of the breakfast you had earlier appeared in your head and you quite quickly remembered the abrupt news you were told by Jake about Niah's departure. You couldn't help but wonder if Niah being 'homesick' was the real issue and you desperately wanted to ask the boy beside you and find out the truth, however you didn't want to ruin the mood.

Gradually, the line had begun moving a lot more frequently which only made the two of you happy and even more thrilled to ride the Pirate ship ride that was a fan favorite — however, just as you made it to the front of line, desperate to climb onto the mechanical device, the metal chain dividing the areas was placed in front of them.

"Sorry, the tanks to operate the ride need to be checked." One of the workers (who looked no older than sixteen) informed the pair, earning a groan in response from you. "The wait will be a little over forty-five minutes, thank you for waiting and sincere apologies." The boy sloppily spoke, clearly not too pleased about being where he was.

Jake nodded his head in understanding and soon after, the worker disappeared the sit on the stool whilst the ride was being looked at.

You watched from afar, worry welling up in your chest as many gruesome thoughts flooded your head. What if the ride broke down during the time you were on it? What if it exploded? What if you all died? What if some 'Final Destination' stuff occurred? Or what if —

"Hey, y/n," you heard Jake's soft voice cut you from your trail of thoughts, immediately making you look up from the floor and drop the hand you were biting your nails on to the side of your body. "Don't worry," He reassured, sending you his signature smile that no doubt made your stomach swirl. "They're fixing it, they wouldn't let us go on if it wasn't safe."

You nodded your head slightly, his words only adjusting your thoughts slightly. Despite your love for fast rides and going upside down and screaming your lungs out, there was no doubt that you were continuously anxious about the whole ordeal. Just the mere thought of dying on a roller coaster turned your warm blood, cold and made you break into an icy sweat.

As time went on and the sun continued to shine down on everyone, you couldn't help but begin to grow tired (just like everyone else). The bright ball of fire in the sky was draining you and causing your t-shirt to stick to your back, uncomfortably. It didn't help that where you were lined up had nowhere to sit, so you couldn't relax your legs and shut your eyes for a little while — which annoyed you.

A yawn escaped your mouth and you released a long sigh, bowing your head ever so slightly and closing your eyes. You had only planned to be in that position for a little over five minutes, however as time went on and your legs became numb and your breathing got heavier, you found herself unknowingly drifting off.

Jake, who stood in front of you, leaning against the small, waist high wall behind him had a smile plastered across his lips as he watched as you lowered your head. It truly was a sight for sore eyes and without another word, he stood up properly and gently tugged you forward by your hip, allowing your head to rest against his chest.

He too, was exhausted, though he wasn't going to allow you to end up falling flat on your face whilst he attempted to relax his eyes. An even wider smile grew on his plump (bitten) lips as you instinctively wrapped your arms around his slim waist, nuzzling your head into him to become more comfortable.

You stayed like that for a while, with Jake gently and subconsciously tapping his finger on your back. Even though from afar the position they were in might of looked uncomfortable, you and Jake were far from it — and that's all that mattered.

Finally, after almost another hour long wait, the worker returned, informing everybody that the ride was safe to go on. A few cheers were heard here and there, and nervously, (after you had awoken from your quick slumber) you stepped forward and hesitantly made your way towards the ship.

Was it too late to back out yet?

Reassuringly, you felt Jake's smooth hand slip into your smaller one and he lead you to the back row of seats. You could hear him encouraging you the whole time (which did work a little), and just as the ride counted down from three to begin, you squeezed the older boys hand as a way of telling him not to let go — which he had no plans on doing so.

It had been a few hours since then, and after escaping the amusement park and getting into Jay's car to begin your journey home, silence immediately erupted in the vehicle and the soft noise of the radio seeped through the speakers, creating a relaxing car ride.

Once again, you were sat in the middle between a sleeping Sunghoon, and Jake, who was busy scrolling through his phone. You could feel your eyes grow heavier by the minute and exhaustion fill your veins — just like it did earlier — as your head slowly began to drop, unable to stay conscious.

A sigh left your lips as you raised your head and turned to look out the window. You refused to fall asleep in the car, knowing that the many times you’d done it before always resulted in horrendous neck pain. You weren’t going to put yourself through that and decided to wait until you were in the comfort of your bedsheets to shut your aching eyes.

"Y/n," you heard Jake quietly call out to you; his voice was just above a whisper and almost nonexistent, and if you hadn't been sat next to him, you definitely wouldn't of heard him.

His eyes slowly trailed over your profile, taking in every feature and blemish that decorated your face so perfectly. In his eyes (and he was sure everyone else's too) you were perfect — and when his eyes eventually landed on your pink, plump lips, he felt his throat tighten.

"Here." He bluntly spoke, nudging his shoulder out to you before looking away, afraid you’d spot the blush creeping on his cheeks.

You sat in shock. You hadn't expected him to offer his shoulder to you — you were even overthinking his gesture, wondering if what you thought he meant really was what he was implying.

And so, nervously, you moved your head and gently laid it against the boys t-shirt clad shoulder. At first, it was uncomfortable. You could feel his bones digging into your temple which only made you grimace, however after adjusting your position so that you could lean on him more, he soon became a good enough pillow.

It wasn't long until Jake followed after you, his head bobbing low until it soon fell onto yours, subconsciously. His lips were slightly parted as he nuzzled his head against yours, desperate for comfort (which eventually came) — and due to the two of you being unconscious and in total bliss, Jay's confused eyes that were glaring through the rear view mirror went completely unnoticed as soft snores left both yours and Jake's mouths.

───────────

A little while later, once arriving home and you and Niki having quickly made your way up to your room and hurriedly tangled your limbs with one another, you both drifting off into a deeper (and much more comfortable) sleep.

It wasn't until the sun had completely set that you woke up again, quietly sitting up in your bed, desperately trying not to awake the sleeping boy beside you as you removed his leg from your waist.

It seemed that the exhaustion had decided to finally exit your body, and so now you were now full of energy — and had no idea what to do with it. You were sure everybody else in the house was fast asleep, so it wasn't like you could wake anyone up so that they could entertain you.

Sighing to yourself, you stood and made your way to your chest of drawers, where you then began searching for her bathing suit.

It wasn't often that you tended to go for a night swim in the families pool; your fathers constant reminder that 'You could drown and we wouldn't know until we see you at the bottom of the pool the next morning' ringing through your mind, however you were bored and were in desperate need for fun.

Once changing and grabbing yourself a towel, you were immediately hit with the humid air as soon as you set foot outside, quietly shutting the sliding doors behind you. As usual, the pool glowed yellow and had soft, delicate waves in it, creating a soothing noise as they bounced off of one another.

Dropping your towel to the floor, a smile appeared on your lips as sat on the ledge with your feet dangling in the water. It was moments like this that made you realize how grateful you were for the holiday home your parents bought sixteen years ago — and it was moments like this, that needed ruining by a certain boy who'd messed with your heart far too many times.

"Can I join?" Jake Sim's voice seemed louder than it actually was due to everything being silent. His abrupt disruption made you jump ever so slightly in shock and you instantly felt your heartbeat begin to get faster as he headed towards you, wearing nothing but swimming shorts and a white towel hanging from one shoulder.

You’d seen Jake's bare chest multiple times, though now it felt different. The situation felt a lot more intimate with just the two of you by the pool late at night (practically half naked).

It felt suffocating.

"I don't mind." You nervously shook your head, your voice as quiet as ever, which only made you mentally curse yourself and roll your eyes. Why did your voice have to show how you were feeling?

The Sim boy didn't utter a word. All he did was set his towel down beside your one and immediately jumped into the pool without warning, creating a splash of water to hit you, making a gasp fall from your parted lips.

"Jake!" You whisper yelled, your eyes quickly darting over to the closed back door, afraid your parents — or worse, your brother — would hear you. "Be quiet." You ordered in a hushed tone once the boy had risen from the water, slicking his soaked hair back.

"My bad." He chuckled and licked his lips with a mischievous grin displaying on his face.

"What's your problem?" You questioned, breaking the silence you sat in. It had been almost fifteen minutes since Jake had joined you on your 'late night swim' (you’d yet to get in the pool) and all the boy had done besides splashing you, was glue his eyes to you.

You couldn't understand why he wouldn't stop staring, but for whatever reason it was, you wanted him to stop. He made your stomach swirl with anxiety; fearing you had something on your face, or he was beginning to regret ever confessing to you that night.

"What do you mean?" Jake wondered, cocking his brow and turning his head slightly as a smirk appeared on his lips. He knew exactly what he was doing and he was loving the reaction he was getting.

"You keep staring," you firmly stated. "Stop it."

"Or what?" He urged, slowly beginning to make his way over to you from the other side of the pool. "Am I not allowed to look at you? You're more than pretty, it's hard not to stare."

Instantly, as the words processed in your head, you felt your cheeks burn brighter than a tomato and your breathing hitch as he soon arrived in front of you — his hands directly coming to rest on either side of your legs as he looked at you.

You didn't know where to look. The last time your faces were this close was when you were in the wardrobe together and that was in the dark.

So now, with the lights from the pool reflecting onto Jake's face and highlighting his pretty features, you couldn't help but shy away.

Desperately trying to escape the thick tension, you sucked in a breath and allowed your eyes to move away from his and down to the necklace that was hanging around his neck. It was simple, yet alluring. The silver chain was thin and hanging from it was a small, circular pendant that had the initials SJY engraved on.

"I like you're necklace, do you really need reminding what your initials are?" You complimented and joked (to break the tension) just above a whisper, and as the words left your mouth, Jake's one hand reached up to to the jewelry and his other moved to hold your chin, gently, and raised your head so that you could look him, a breathy chuckle falling from his lips.

"Do you want it?" He asked, his tone more sincere than you’d ever heard it be before and that only caused your eyes to widen in surprise.

"What?" You breathed out. "Jake—"

"I'm serious, y/n," And he was and you knew that, which was why it made butterflies violently flap their wings in your stomach. "You can have it." Jake spoke as he unclasped the clasp once letting go of your face.

"Are you sure?" You asked, and only received your answer as the boy attached the necklace around your neck, allowing it to fall just above your cleavage.

Though, Jake's actions were sweet and made you want to do nothing but kiss him and spill your undying love to him, you still couldn't help but wonder what you were. You didn't want to live in the dark and constantly wonder.

You wanted to know.

You needed to know.

And now was the right time to ask...

"Jake," you anxiously began, reaching up to fiddle with the pendant. The Sim boys eyes trailed away from the necklace that was once his and up to your face, his eyes instantly meeting yours as he waited for you to continue.

He watched you whilst you nervously licked and chewed away your lips as your cheeks blushed pink and he almost heard your heart pounded so hard against your rib cage.

It was cute.

You were cute.

"What are we?"

The silence was loud. Very loud — almost deafening as you watched as Jake slowly lowered his head, his tongue escaping his mouth to nervously lick his lips whilst he remained quiet, avoiding eye contact with you at all costs.

Was this his answer? Was this Jake Sim's way of saying they weren't anything? Had you been stupid enough to think that maybe, just maybe, you and Jake could ever be something?

A scoff fell past your parted lips and you shook your head in a mix of anger and annoyance. How could you of been so stupid?

"Shit..." you frustratingly whispered to yourself while your hands quickly reached up and fiddled with the clasp of the necklace, attempting to desperately remove to jewelry from you.

You felt like a complete and total fool.

However, as you focused your attention on unlinking the dainty hooks with tears beginning to blur your vision, your movements were put to an end as soon as Jake placed his hand against the side of your warm face, lifting your head up so your eyes could meet, before confidently crashing his full, red lips against her ones.

It felt as if the air had been sucked from your body as your mouths collided. You were more than shocked by his actions and couldn't quite comprehend what was unraveling as you sat on the edge of the pool with the brunette boy stood between your legs — however, you knew you liked it.

You liked pressing your lips against his and enjoyed the feeling of butterflies flying around in your stomach. It felt so surreal kissing your brothers best friend. It felt wrong but so right at the same time, and you no longer cared if you’d have to deal with your brother's disapproval.

You were snatched from your trail of thoughts once the boy slowly pulled away, his head gently resting against your forehead as the sound of your heavy breathing consumed the back garden.

Neither of you uttered a word; your minds far too hazy for words to be able to jump from your tongues. It felt as if you were drunk off of one another (which you practically were), and as you both sat in silence, thinking about the events that occurred, Jake slowly brushed his thumb across your cheek, wiping away the tear that had (unknowingly) fallen.

"I wanna be with you so bad, y/n," The older boy breathed out, his eyes not leaving your ones. "So bad." He repeated, shaking his head ever so slightly as desperation seeped through his eyes.

All you could do was nod in acceptance as you brought your other hand up to delicately move a strand of his wet hair out of his face, fighting back a ear-to-ear grin that was threatening to show on your face.

"Okay." You agreed just above a whisper and without another thought, you and Jake hungrily clashed your lips together once again, craving the taste of one another.

It was almost as if you had been deprived of each other — which in a way, you had. You both didn't want to hurt Jay's feelings, and so you restricted themselves from one another no matter how bad you wanted to be in each other's arms.

You both felt amazing; like you were on top of the world as Jake's tongue softly, yet hungrily, brushed against your bottom lip as a way of asking for entrance.

The action caused your heart to race with nerves and even though you wanted this so bad, you still hesitantly parted your lips, allowing his tongue to enter your mouth. Never in your life had you ever kissed someone before, let alone made out with somebody at your families holiday home — though, you were happy you were experiencing your firsts with Jake Sim because after all, he was (and always will be) your first love.

You could feel his hands unhurriedly depart from your face and his arms snake around your waist, Jake instantly pulling your dry body against his damp one, and he was gentle — so gentle.

It was clear that he didn't want to hurt you as his hands explored your waist, his thumb stroking the side of your stomach ever so slightly, before he slowly retreated back into the pool (hesitantly parting your lips in the midst of doing so).

His eyes were glued to you the whole time he looked up at you in awe whilst helping you into the water and assisting you with wrapping your legs around his body before you continued your steamy make out; subtly grinding your crotch against his hardening one, releasing low groans from Jake’s mouth and into your mouth.

You were closer than ever now.

Body to body.

Lips to lips.

That was all you needed.

You were both all you needed.

And so, as the night got older and the sun began to rise, you and Jake Sim remained in the (now cold) pool with their limbs tangled, your lips interlocked and your crotchets grinding against one another, wishing the moment would never end.

───────────

"Y/n!" Your brother yelled out to you, frustratedly. "Are you even listening?" He questioned you, running a hand through his dyed hair.

"Huh?" You asked, looking up from your lap and at the boy that stood before you in the living room. The memories of last nights canoodling with Jake flooding your mind and muffling out Jay's words.

You still couldn't get over the sensation of the Sim boys lips against yours and the memory of his hands exploring your body made your latently clench your legs together and your stomach churn as your subconsciously reached up to play with the pendant — his pendant — around your neck and a tiny blush creeped upon your full cheeks.

"Are you high?" Jay interrogated, narrowing his eyes down at you to inspect your features, desperate to know the cause for your lack of attention.

"What?" You spat, looking up at your brother with creased eyebrows filled with confusion. "What are you even on about?"

"You're not listening to me." He explained and you sighed, muttering an apology beneath your breath as you waited for the boy to speak once again.

However, before he got the chance to, Niki, Sunghoon and him — Jake Sim — entered the living area, immediately gaining your attention as you watched as the two boys sat on the sofa across from you — Jake's eyes lingering on you as his lip found its way between his teeth.

"What I was trying to say was," Jay scoffed in annoyance, rolling his eyes at you and glancing over at the youngest and his two best friends to engage them in the conversation. "Heeseung's throwing an end of Summer party tonight."

"Nice." Jake grinned widely as he sat up on the chair, him and your brother dabbing one another up.

It was then, that it finally dawned on you that you would no longer be able to see Jake Sim (and your brother, of course - and Sunghoon) everyday. They would go back to their lives in Australia, and you’d go back to hers in in Seoul and you weren’t so sure how to feel about that.

"Whatever happens tonight, just remember to have fun," Jay shrugged as he, Sunghoon and Jake stood up after deciding to head to the convenience store to buy alcohol for the party. "It's our last night here and all together, it's the least we can do." He chuckled and playfully patted you on the head, making you groan and move away from him.

"Whatever you say, Jay." You rolled your eyes, already knowing he wouldn't stick to his word and end up being the overprotective brother he is all of the time.

And yet, it seemed that you were wrong — very wrong. 

Earlier on, when getting ready for Heeseung's end of Summer party, you were dreading it and even considered not going, debating on making up some lie to tell the boys that your period had started and that you felt sick.

The constant worry that your brother would follow you around like a fly and taking the 'overprotective brother' role far too seriously just made your shoulders slump and your eyes roll. You’d been to many house parties with him before in the past and even then he was always making sure you were okay and restricting your freedom.

It wasn't that you weren’t grateful to have someone care for you as much as he did, it only made you feel awful. You felt as if you were depriving Jay from enjoying himself to the full extent — so, when the group pulled up to the car-filled street and Jay told Jake and Sunghoon to keep a slight eye on you before being pulled away by a random girl, you couldn't help but feel relieved and shocked.

"Come on," you just about heard your best friend yell out to you over the music. "Let's go get drinks." He suggested, before you nodded your head in agreement and you weaved your way past plenty of intoxicated people.

Lee Heeseung's house was packed to the brim, flooding with people of all different ages, genders and races. The strong mix of scents of all kinds of alcoholic liquids and drugs were imprinted within the homes walls and carpets, and the loud, blaring sound of Heeseung's Spotify playlist boomed through the speakers that were nailed to the creme coloured walls. Disco lights danced through the rooms, brightly beaming through the windows and lighting up the front lawn, where some people sat around, taking gradual sips from the concoction in their red plastic cups. There were some people scattered out the back garden also, standing hazardously close to the lit up pool, just waiting to fall in.

It was rather easy to lose one another within the cramped home, and so that was why you kept a tight grip on the back of Niki's black, loosely fitted button up shirt, worried you’d lose your best friend in the flock of bodies. 

Once arriving at the station of drinks, your face immediately grimaced at the sight of the display of alcohol. It was quicker than ever that flashbacks from the last time you attended one of Heeseung's infamous parties appeared in your mind, and a wave of embarrassment consumed your body, causing your cheeks to tint pink as you remembered the drunken state you’d gotten herself into. 

You were most definitely not getting wasted tonight. 

After taking a small sip of the Gin and Tonic Niki eventually poured for you, the boy soon dismissed himself when a he was pulled away by a flirtatious looking girl, which only made you chuckle at his surprise expression.

"What's a pretty girl like you doing here alone?" You heard a rather familiar voice question whilst you took a gulp from your drink.

Looking up, your eyes widened slightly at the sight of the tall boy before you. His small, dark eyes met your ones and you were instantly reminded of the times you had crushed on him — Sung Hanbin — when you were just eight years old. 

Within the Park family, it was once a running joke that you were madly in love with the older boy and that you’d end up marrying one another when you were older — however, that quickly fizzled out when Hanbin stopped returning to Jeju Island one summer and became a distant memory. 

It was weird seeing him in front of you after so many years of him being MIA and you couldn't help but feel even more awkward as you stiffed out a laugh. It had been quite a while since you last spoke — the last conversation you had, Hanbin promised you’d continue your annual summer bike rides the following year (which never ended up happening).

"Hanbin?" You quietly spoke his name in surprise. "What're you doing back in Jeju? I thought you outgrew the area six years ago..." you half heartedly joked, taking another sip from your red cup as a way of filling the awkwardness between you. 

A small laugh escaped the boys thin lips and he lowered his head ever so slightly and took a few steps towards you, habitually fixing his zip up jacket. "I guess I got bored of visiting my Grandmother the past six years," He simply shrugged, biting his bottom lip and brining his hand up to move a strand of hair out of your face. "And I guess you could say I also missed our bike rides."

It appeared that you had yet to realise how close the older boy was stood in front of you as you made no signs of backing away — however, your close proximity didn't go unnoticed by the boy who had his back leaning against the door frame of the kitchen, glaring daggers at the two of you.

"Jay said to keep a slight eye on her," Park Sunghoon pointed out, glancing between you and Jake. "Not burn holes into her." He huffed out in annoyance, swilling the liquid around in his cup out of boredom. 

"So?" Jake shrugged, adverting his attention to the taller boy in front of him. "I don't know who this dude is — he could be some weird pervert and I don't want her getting hurt by him." He explained, his tone filled with protectiveness and predatory, which only made Sunghoon's brows crease with confusion. 

"Because Jay would be up my ass about it, obviously." The Sim boy quickly cleared up, standing up straight as he threw his empty cup into the trash bin, a hint of panic racing through his body at the thought of his and your relationship being found out. 

"Whatever dude," Sunghoon shook his head, a quiet, breathy chuckle falling past his red lips. "Just try and wipe the possessive look off your face before speaking to Jay about his sister, alright." He stated, though at the same time the words left his mouth, Hanbin had rested a hand on your waist (visibly making you uncomfortable which Jake took notice of).

"Yeah, whatever, man." Jake nodded his head with furrowed brows and a clenched jaw as he soon began to make his way over to you both - irritation and displeasure filling his body. 

"Leave her alone." The boy stated loud enough so that he could be heard once making it over to you two. It felt as if a ton of bricks had been taken off of your shoulders as soon as Jake interrupted you and Hanbin's 'moment' and you could't be more grateful.

You knew you should of just told the Sung boy that you weren’t interested in him like that, however it seemed he had you in a suffocating chokehold, leaving you no room to but in as his hands latched onto your body and he towered over you like a giant. 

"And who are you exactly?" Hanbin squinted his eyes in a mixture of annoyance and confusion as he let his cold hand rest on you — which Jake had been eyeing the entire time, making him bite his bottom lip in anger. 

"None of your business," Jake revealed, shaking his head slightly and taking another step forward so that he could take hold of your hand and gently pull you away from the situation, however it wasn't that easy. "We're leaving, come on, y/n." 

"Bro, does she look like she wants to leave?" Hanbin asked, nodding his head towards you, who was chewing your bottom lip whilst he moved his hand from your waist and up to take hold of your other hand. 

The Sim boy narrowed his eyes at the taller boy and couldn't help but feel dumbfounded by his reply. It was obvious you were uncomfortable and didn't want to be there, so he couldn't quite understand how Hanbin couldn't grasp that. 

"Yeah, she does." He deadpanned with the nod of his head, a sarcastic scoff escaping his slightly parted lips as he licked them.

"Just leave us alone bro, we were fine before you became such a bother." Hanbin rolled his eyes. "Quit being a cockblock and hop off my dick." He declared and turned his attention back to you, who had an expression filled with disgust spread across your features. 

"Listen, Hanbin," you went to speak up, planning on rejecting him nicely, however before you got the chance to finish your sentence, Jake had turned the eldest back around in fury, and before anyone knew it, a hard hitting punch was thrown across Sung Hanbin's face. 

Chaotic yells erupted in the kitchen as Jake's fist collided with the side of Hanbin's face, the Sim boys actions being a shock to not only Hanbin himself, but also everyone else.

Nobody had expected Jake to get into yet another fight at a party this summer, and so when their attention was grabbed when the boy threw another hit, gasps accentuated throughout the home.

Hanbin, being quick to retaliate, threw a hit back, fury spread across his features as he grabbed Jake by the collar of his t-shirt.

Your eyes widened in frenzy and you took a few steps back, unsure what to do in a situation like this. Usually, your brother would be around to prevent the fight from getting any worse, however as time went on and more and more blood leaked from both of the boys, it felt as if Jay was never going to show up and save the day.

"Jake!" You panicked and you went to take a step forward, panic bubbling in your stomach — which made her want to puke — though, just as you were about to reach out to the boy that now had a firm grip on Hanbin's jacket, you were quickly yanked back by a firm grip on your wrist.

"Are you stupid?!" You heard your brother shout over the loud music, and instantly you felt your body relax. "What the fuck happened?" Jay asked, but he didn't leave a chance for you to answer as he'd already hurried to the two boys — Sunghoon and Niki hot on his tail — to try and depart them from one another.

It felt like an eternity for Jake and Hanbin to finally be pulled apart, and as soon as you watched the Sung boy step back to where his friends were stood, you scurried over to the chaos, your bottom lip tightly tucked between your teeth as anxiety ran through your veins.

You could feel your heartbeat race as fast as ever once your brown eyes landed on Jake and you couldn't help sigh.

His nose had a few slithers of blood dripping from it and his bottom lip was completely busted, along with his red eye that was bound to bruise sooner or later.

You wanted nothing more than to engulf him in a tight hug, lecture him about his actions and take care of him, but with your brother standing only inches away, you knew you couldn't do anything. It was like you were in chains and couldn't get free.

"What happened?" Jay asked, looking away from his best friend and over to Hanbin, who was busy groaning in pain with his friends, Matthew and Jiwoong surrounding him.

"You tell me," He scoffed, rolling his eyes as he sent Jake a fierce glare. If looks could kill... "This psychotic bitch swung for me just because I was talking to your sister." Hanbin explained in annoyance.

You had drowned out the rest of Jay and Hanbin's conversation, far too concerned for the boy beside you — who had now subtly placed his hand on your waist.

He too, wanted nothing more than to escape the situation and be alone with you, and so, he let out a hiss of pain as he licked his bottom lip habitually and turned his head to look down at you.

"Let's go." He stated firmly, his eyes darkening as they narrowed down to you, leaving you speechless. It was as if you were in a trance and under his spell, because all you did was nod in agreement before allowing him to take you away, ignoring Sunghoon's knowing look and Jay's glance of confusion.

After pushing yourselves through the swarms of bodies (your hands still being interlocked), the cold air outside hit you, instantly making goosebumps form on your skin — though neither of you seemed to care. That was the least of your worries.

"Where are we going?" You quietly asked as you looked up at the boy, whose jaw was still clenched and his body remained tense as he led the way.

"I don't know..." Jake answered just above a whisper, afraid that if he spoke normally, the fury he was feeling would be revealed even more than it already was, and you would take it the wrong way — thinking he was mad at you.

Which he wasn't. He could never be mad at you.

Eventually, after a little over five minutes of walking with an unknown destination, you found yourselves at the beach, sitting next to each other ever so closely — your thighs rubbing against each others, and your arm linked with Jake's and you rested your head on his shoulder.

The view before you was beautiful. The light waves brushed against one another as the soft breeze blew in the wind. The lights from other islands in the distance were glowing brightly and a few shining stars decorated the pitch black sky. It was silent on the beach, not another human in sight. The only sound that could be heard was the water caressing the damp sand, making a sense of calmness take over you both; easing Jake's emotions.

"I can't believe tonight's our last night." You sadly sighed, feeling your shoulders drop as your eyes remained on the sight before you. The boy beside you stayed silent whilst he slightly nodded his head in agreement — his mind still playing out the scenes from earlier.

"I didn't like how he was touching you, y/n..." Jake lowly spoke, breaking the comfortable and tension filled silence between you.

His voice was quiet, yet his tone made his emotions loud and clear.

All you could do was raise your head from his shoulder and look up at him, your eyes softer than ever as he slowly moved his head to look down at you with his eyes glassy and glimmering against the lights around you. His injuries were no longer as noticeable and you couldn't help but feel your heart go pitter-patter against your chest.

Despite being in such an open area, the air between you felt stuffy and suffocating as your eyes met. Your throat felt tight and you subconsciously bit down on your lip, nervously.

"You're mine, y/n." Jake stated unwaveringly, his clenched jaw showing just how serious he was. "Not Hanbin's or anybody elses. They don't get to touch you like that..." The boy paused for a moment before he eyes unhurriedly trailed down to your lips, where he felt his heart ache with need.

"Only I do."

You sat with her mouth slightly parted, amazed at the boys words. They made your stomach churn and it felt as if caterpillars were finally hatching from their cocoons and flapping their wings rapidly as you subconsciously squeezed your legs together.

His jealousy made you feel things you’d never felt before.

His jealousy made you want to do things you’ve never done before.

Without another thought, you placed your warm hand on the side of his face and pulled him down to you so that you were only inches away from having your lips touch.

You’d kissed before, however for some unknown reason, this time felt different. There was a lot more need and sexual tension surrounding you, that you felt as if you’d lose control as soon as your lips touch.

And so, after a short moment of pained silence, you and Jake crashed your lips together, desperate for one another. You wanted each other so bad that you could no longer contain it. You didn't care if you were on a public beach and that Jay could show up at any moment and catch you, pull you apart, and demand that you stopped seeing each other. You liked each other too much to be able to do that.

It wasn't until a hiss fell from Jake's lips that you pulled away, worry taking over your features as you inspected his face. "I'm sorry," you whispered out, reaching up to delicately caress his injured lip.

"It's okay," Jake quietly reassured, shaking his head as he took hold of your hand that was touching his face. "I don't care about the pain... I just want you." He said, before reaching down to grab hold of your leg to pull you up, so that you could sit on his lap.

A chuckle escaped your lips at the sudden movement, however before any words could leave your mouth, the boy had reached back up and connected your lips again — this time it was a lot more messy.

You could feel his tip of his tongue licking at your bottom lip, desperate for entrance and you gladly gave it to him, parting your lips ever so slightly so that the muscle could explore your mouth.

You could feel his hands roughly, yet also gently, roam your body, touching over your waist, grazing your breasts, squeezing your hips and guiding them to rock against his crotch.

His actions caused a soft moan to fall from your mouth and into his, making him smirk into the kiss and roll your heat into him harder.

Instantly, as the pressure of his hard on nudged your clothed, untouched clit, you couldn’t help but detach your lips and throw your head back as a gasp flew past your lips and your hands landed on his shoulders.

“Jake…” You whimpered whilst the boy took the opportunity to attack your exposed neck with his mouth, sucking and biting it like it would be his final meal.

By now, Jake no longer had to guide you as you’d quite quickly got the hang of the sinful action and began cantering your hips into him; your arousal dampening your panties and seeping through them onto the older boys trousers.

“God,” Jake breathed out as he pulled away from your skin and attached his eyes to what you were doing, which only made a groan pass his parted lips before he shook his head in awe.

Without another word, the Sim boy swiftly flipped you over so that you were now laying beneath him on the sand with him laying between your parted legs.

Taking over your previous movement, Jake soon started to desperately grind his clothed cock into your heat, the empty beach soon filling with the sounds of your heavy breathing as you hugged the boy close to you.

It felt as if you were in a cloud of pleasure and your mind was completely fogged over as you felt your insides clench and your bottom lip find it’s way between your teeth.

Was this normal?

You thought you could only ever feel such intense pleasure from sex, not dry humping…

Suddenly, an uncontrollable gasp escaped your mouth and your eyes squinted shut as your high consumed your body, making your legs tremble and your tummy muscles clench as you came in your panties; Jake following suit whilst he lowly groaned.

“Fuck,” The boy huffed out as he kneeled upright to look down at you as his fingertips mindlessly stroked your exposed thighs. “That was so hot.”

Just the thought of you cumming from nothing but a bit of dry humping was enough the make the blood gush through his cock once again and he quickly ran a hand through his hair.

“You’re amazing, y/n,” He praised and leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead. “You’re so perfect.” Jake complimented and rubbed a few droplets of sweat from your head, making you smile a slightly dazed smile up at him.

It was then, in that moment, as Jake praised you and showered you in kisses as you came down from your high, that you both realized just how in love you were with each other.

───────────

You woke up the next morning with a heavy heart and your shoulders slumped; the feeling of loath streaming through your body. You really did not want to go through with what was about to come.

You didn't want to say goodbye to Jake, not now, not ever.

You could still feel the boys delicate hands roaming your body as you got ready for the day, brushing your hair whilst the image of his lust filled eyes looking up at her as you ground your hips on his lap appeared in your mind, making your stomach swirl.

Standing in front of the mirror, you felt your breathing hitch as you traced your warm fingertips over the purple marks he’d left on your collarbones.

Just the thought of Jake's soft, plump lips against your smooth skin had you going into a frenzy and made your head blur as you remembered the quiet groans that would escape his mouth as he bruised your skin.

"Y/n! Hurry up!" Your brother's voice calling out to you abruptly disturbed your thoughts, causing you to quickly snatch your hand away from the hem of your pajama shorts and a panicked breath to leave your mouth as your eyes widened and your cheeks burned red. Embarrassed at what your hand was subconsciously doing and alarmed at the mere thought of missing Jay, Sunghoon and Jake's departure.

"I'm coming!" You screamed back down to your brother, rolling your eyes at the sound of his moaning and groaning about you always taking forever filled your ears.

Huffing to yourself, you hurriedly stripped from your night clothes and got into a pair of shorts that you were sure would be comfortable for the long journey home and a simple, orange flannel that you’d stolen from Jake a few years ago when he'd left it in the family living room after sleeping over. The boy hadn't asked for it back yet, and so you didn't see a problem with having it at all.

Once you’d finished cleaning your face, you quickly picked up your dirty laundry and shoved it into your backpack, not caring if it was folded or not. You could deal with it later on when you returned home because right now, you didn't care. All you cared about was seeing Jake for one last time before the Winter break.

"Finally." Jay loudly huffed once you had made it downstairs, your backpack clinging to your shoulders. All you could do was roll your eyes at your brother and head into the kitchen to grab something for you and Niki to eat for the car ride.

"The car is all packed, so we can head home now." The Park siblings father announced as he poked his head through the front door the inform the five of you, to which you nodded in acknowledgment and soon left the holiday home.

"It was nice meeting you, even if we didn't speak much." You smiled widely and a chuckle fell from your lips as you looked up at Park Sunghoon, who had a firm grip on the strap of his bag and his other hand tucked in his jean pocket and a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"Yeah, and it's safe to say that the allegations of you being an 'Annoying Younger Sister' are false." Sunghoon laughed, pulling you in for a quick hug before pulling away and looking down at you with a mischievous glint in his eye. "And whatever's going on with you and Jake, be careful around Jay. He already thinks you've got some secret boyfriend because you rejected Sung Hanbin."

Instantly, your eyes widened slightly in shock — shocked because the thought of Jay slowly catching onto what was going on between his best friend and sister panicked you, and because Sunghoon knew there was something happening between them.

"Don't worry, your secrets safe with me." Sunghoon quickly reassured you before being beckoned away by your mother, who was desperate for a hug from 'the son she should of had.'

"The flannel looks good on you." You heard his voice softly speak out from behind you, making your heart skip a beat as you hurriedly spun around on your heel, a wide grin on your lips as you looked ahead at Jake Sim.

He was wearing a striped, long sleeved polo shirt that was white and navy and a pair of denim jeans along with black and white converse. His outfit was simple, yet he still managed to make it look ten times more attractive than it would've looked on any other person.

"Oh," you stuttered out, glancing down at the flannel and then back up at him, your cheeks now tinted red. Despite going as far as second base — pretty much third — you still managed to get flustered just being under his strong, appealing gaze. "Thanks..."

A chuckle broke past Jake's plump lips as his hands instantly attached themselves to your hips, pulling your body against his as a way of bringing you in for a hug. Your own arms instinctively wrapping around his neck, bringing him down closer to you, making his face muzzle into the crook of your neck and his arms circle your waist; his thumb gently brushing against the skin that had been exposed due to the flannel hiking up.

"I'll miss you." The older boy whispered into your hair and his warm breath softly hit your neck, causing goosebumps to attack your skin and your stomach to spin with nerves and excitement.

"I'll miss you, too." You quietly said back as you pulled him even closer to you, afraid he'd disappear at any moment — which in a way, he was.

Once you had both had pulled away from one another and shared glances over at Jay, who was busy messing around with Niki and Sunghoon, Jake hurriedly placed his hand on the side of your face and leaned down, pressing his delicate lips against your own.

And even though it was quick and chased and left you both wanting more, the strong feelings you felt for one another were still apparent, and as Jake stared down into your dark eyes, he parted his lips, ready for the three words he desperately wanted to get off of his chest to be released into the world.

"Ew, go away, Jake." Jay scoffed, his voice filled with disgust as he made his way over to the two of you, disturbing your moment and halting Jake's next actions. "And quit looking at my sister like you want to kiss her, you freak. It's weird."

A muffled chuckle left your mouths as you awkwardly took a step away from one another.

"See you around, y/n." Jake waved, his lips tightly pressed together a he walked away from the siblings, subtly winking at you behind Jay's back, making you do everything you could to hold back an even more prominent blush and a giggle.

"Don't get into trouble when I'm gone." Jay warned, sternly, looking down at you with a raised brow, making you roll your eyes and release a groan.

"I didn't get in trouble before, so I think I'll be perfectly fine, Jay." You huffed out, folding your arms across your chest.

"Whatever, I'm just warning you because you're going into your last year of high school, that's all." He explained, before reaching out and forcing you into a hug, which only caused you to break out of the tough character you were attempting to portray and fling your arms around his waist.

"When I come back for Winter break, I'm going to throw a party and this time you're allowed to join." Jay told you as they pulled apart, him roughing up your hair in a playful manner.

Your eyes lit up at the boys words and you couldn't help but let out a happy sigh. Previously, whenever Jay would host a party at your home when your parents would go out of town, he'd always make you hide away upstairs in your bedroom, so hearing that you’d actually be able to join in made you feel a sense of accomplishment.

You were finally cool enough to hang out with your older brother at his party.

Eventually, when all the goodbyes were said and long hugs were shared and Jay, Jake and Sunghoon climbed into the eldest's car, you sadly smiled as you watched as the vehicle slowly began to drive away from the home, Jake hanging out the window and waving to the family.

Once the car had officially vanished and your shoulders had slumped, you and Niki, along with your parents got into the other vehicle, ready to finally head home.

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Niki's low, deep voice questioned, making you snatch your attention away from the scenery outside the window and look over at the boy who'd decided to sit in the middle seat beside you.

"Hm?" You furrowed your brows in confusion, removing the AirPod that you and the Nishimura boy were listening to music through together.

"You and Jake.”

there will be a part two to this which will be much shorter, tumblr js decided to be stupid and stop me at a certain word count idk lmao

i hope you enjoyed this & my apologies for it being long lol

DON’T FORGET TO REBLOG :)

@ criminalyun 2024.

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