You Know What Would Be Fun, Edwin Using A Little Bit Of Physical Violence To Defend Crystal Or Niko,

You know what would be fun, Edwin using a little bit of physical violence to defend Crystal or Niko, like "accidentally" dropping something heavy on the bad guy's foot while he's yapping aggressively and coming closer to the girls or tripping him over with a quick pull on the rug the dude is standing on, Edwin turning and "accidentally" hitting him on the head with something Edwin's holding etc

And obviously, the bad guy gets mad and goes to attack Edwin, but Charles swiftly swoops in between them

So bad guy is like "Oh so you started shit, knowing your little boyfriend will come and defend you, you coward?!"

And Edwin just smiles at them as Charles throws the dude out and says, "Yes, I did."

Brought to by a scene from gig officially gigged

thinking about payneland from the perspective of a pining charles having fallen first the night they met in the attic is wild because like

he meets this boy who is incredibly soft and kind to him, comforts him, protects him from being scared as he’s dying

and everything’s a bit hazy anyway and you know, why not, why not, why not. so charles is all, “i think i’d miss kissing. do you miss kissing? 👀”

genius really. except edwin is like, no

so charles is like ok, never mind, no worries, fine. just misjudged it a bit, didn’t i. not to worry. still, i really like spending time with you, let’s stay together forever, yeah?

he dedicates himself to being the best friend edwin could possibly ask for. edwin doesn’t seem interested in anyone in any way, really. maybe edwin’s just like, above all of those things. or doesn’t care for them. that happens! charles gets it! anyway edwin’s only the best person anyone could even imagine spending an afterlife with, so it doesn’t much matter

and for thirty years it really doesn’t matter, except in tiny moments when charles maybe lets a little too much adoration bleed into the looks he gives edwin, which is fine because edwin is giving him the same type of looks back and it doesn’t have to be anything, it’s just how they are. and if he sometimes has to shake himself to keep from staring at edwin’s bare forearms when they’re relaxing in the office, well. that’s not for edwin to worry about. it doesn’t matter what kind of love it is, charles feels them all for edwin and he knows edwin loves him too

but then they go to port fucking townsend

and suddenly it’s very clear edwin is capable of those types of feelings. of being flustered and lost in daydreams and shy around someone the way you are when you’re interested. edwin is doing all of those things - and it’s not directed at charles. it’s directed at monty. at the cat king

not that he should have presumed. after all edwin can and should go on and like anyone he wants. it’s his right and edwin certainly deserves his chance at happiness, after everything he’s been through. but there had been this tiny, tiny part of charles that had always thought “if edwin ever did have those types of feelings, they would be for me”

and all of a sudden it’s like. all of charles’ pining could actually come to fruition, except it won’t because edwin has somehow chosen monty and his astrology books. because some whiskery tosser has gotten his claws into edwin and much as charles postures he won’t dare actually pry them out because he doesn’t want to interfere in edwin’s fulfillment

charles is right here, has been right here for three decades - being content for the most part, except in fleeting moments when it got to him. and it would be fine if edwin simply chose someone else - natural even - but the part scrambling charles’ brain is that it feels like edwin hasn’t even considered him. never mind that charles has got an entire elaborate plan for how he’d court edwin if edwin ever gave a singular sign that he welcomed it. but instead edwin has chosen this time to wake up to his feelings and entirely overlook charles as a romantic prospect

charles is not going to be a miserable arse about it. he’s going to be supportive. he’s going to be nice to bloody monty because monty has apparently unearthed feelings in edwin. feelings edwin deserves to have. and if he’s honest, he has to give the lad some credit for managing to find a side of edwin charles has yearned quietly for for three decades in a matter of weeks - just by being forward with edwin in a way charles wouldn’t dream of trying

anyway imagine charles’ utter confusion and disbelief when edwin is all, “actually it is not monty i am in love with at all, but you, charles”

and charles is just like, “but i thought you and him were…? you said… i mean—you don’t even notice me that way!”

“i must assure you i do.”

and then he gets to have a kiss that he has waited for and hardly let himself want properly for thirty years

like……. PINING CHARLES, MY FRIENDS

i want to know so badly how edwin and charles went from “what if i stay here for a bit with you, instead?” “then you will always be running from her” to “you ever think, what if death did catch us? she’d force us to go to the afterlife and split up” “i will make sure that never happens”

when did the shift happen? how soon was it? they met in 1989 and started the detective agency in 1990 so pretty soon after they met it was obviously pretty clear to them that charles would be staying long term

but when did edwin realize that “for a bit” really means “forever”? that charles doesn’t mean to leave him? when did he realize that if charles ever decided that he’d had enough of gallivanting around together and made the choice to move on without him, something fundamentally important would be gone from him for ever (love)?

when did charles first begin to feel comfortable voicing things to their adversaries like “you want to take him, you’ll have to go through me” without feeling like it was Too Much? how long did charles worry in the back of his mind that edwin would decide he didn’t like having him around and jettison him off to the afterlife?

and all the while with edwin continuing to be kind to him and teach him the ghost rules and let him in, when did edwin pick up on charles’ misgivings and try to communicate that for as long as charles wanted to stay, edwin would never send him away?

was there a first case they took that almost separated them for good, and there was no other person there for them back then, no crystal, no niko, nobody else to help save the day, and it was such a near thing that then and there they decided they never wanted to feel that type of horror again?

when did they start speaking aloud their devotion and dedication to each other? when did being split up become a greater fear than moving on in itself? when did they start allowing each other to see that they are choosing each other over and over and over for the rest of time?

god, they make me unwell

PRETTY BOY

Charles was just. Immediately smitten, wasn’t he?

to be charles in that moment, freezing and bleeding to death, whole body hurting, afraid, alone, and some kid you've never seen before shows up with a lantern for you, and he says he used to go to school here so he must be what? 19?

but he's dressed all stuffy and retro, but you're into retro stuff, so maybe you think it's kind of cool, and it's hard to focus on the details anyway because you don't feel so good at all. why is he here? at a school he used to attend? in the middle of the night? whatever.

this kid says he won't hurt you, and he stays with you. and you're like, what a weird, cool, caring guy. maybe he's kind of cute even.

and then he tells you he's DEAD??? and he's a GHOST??? you're talking with a spooky ghost in the haunted attic!! and you realize this kid is DEAD dead, and has BEEN dead for a long time! longer than you've been alive!

but he feels safe, and the lantern is warm, and he makes you laugh. so maybe it's ok.

so you, naturally, are like, wanna hang out?

dead boy detectives textposts as starboarded (and other) messages from the dead gay detectives server part nine (we've had some additions 🤭)!!!

and the usual multi-parter:

1, 2, 2.5, 3, 4, 5

6, 7 by @idliketobeatree

8 by @aletterinthenameofsanity