I Just Heard That Timothy Mcveigh Grew Up Watching Gumby.

I just heard that Timothy Mcveigh grew up watching Gumby.

I've made 'jokes' about Gumby being a domestic terrorist.

I'm currently conflicted.

@inbabylontheywept

If you haven't already read this.

I would not say that I'm a scary-looking guy. I don't dress particularly alt, just pretty basic dad rock band tees, black skinny jeans with a chain, plenty of assorted jewellery and accessories, dyed black hair and seven piercings around my head, but this is apparently enough to make old people give me A Very Long Stare. But this post isn't about them.

Today I was walking homeward, and there were these two kids (about 8-10 years old?) standing in the middle of the road. They stood there talking, one was on foot but the other one had a pastel pink bicycle, which she had apparently unintentionally stationed horizontally across the walkpath, so the two effectively blocked the whole way. So I kept my eyes on the girl with the bike the whole time I approached their happenstance roadblock.

Now, the finnish culture is both a high context culture and an introvert culture, which means that finns regularly behave like weird animals. A prolonged, maintained eye contact directed at a stranger is a mild, but certainly clear, aggressive gesture. Not as outright hostile as verbally telling them that they're in peoples' way and should move, but intended as a stern gesture to correct them anyhow. The way that dogs sometimes do that very specific low growl at misbehaving puppies, just to say "I have no intention to hurt you, but you better cut that shit out."

And the girl with the bike kept eye contact with me the whole time I approached, while pulling her bike out of the way in a pointedly slow, deliberate way. Looking down or away and moving the bike hastily would have been an apologetic gesture, and this kid clearly wanted to let me know she wasn't yielding just because she did, in fact, move out of the way. And once I was just about to pass, she said "hi?" to me, in a mildly confused and disgusted tone. Not confused by my intentions themselves, but by my evident audacity.

While this may not seem like anything odd, as I mentioned earlier, finns are an introvert culture. Talking to strangers unprompted is rude, a downright hostile act, more aggressive than prolonged eye contact but not as hostile as physically touching a stranger without warning. And I was caught off-guard so badly that I just said "hi" back to her while not slowing down as I passed them.

So just this week, I've had two random old people stare at me like they've correctly identified me as a Manmade Horror Beyond Their Comprehension, and this little girl dressed head to toe in pastels with a pink bike and sparkling unicorn backpack just glared right back at me and stared me down like Can I Fucking Help You.

Desperately trying to normalize Brittany Broski so that I can film a bi-weekly chalkboard yapp sesh that lasts for 4 hours. I think figuring out the camera angles so that I could get the chalkboard, the mirror I talk to, and the padded room all in the same frame [two camera setup?] is something to do some deep thought on.

I'm printing this out and putting it next to Who Goes Nazi in my bag. My friends are going to get a new print out. Thanks.

Watching the “you will excel at what you measure” trap devour basic moral practice in real time is fascinating in a terrible kind of way

I went to an antique mall today. Got stuck up by some books I thought might pass me by if I didn't give my bank account a beating.

Today's Notes ^

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One of my new most prized possessions:

A book with illustrations and beautiful writing about Texas Outhouses:

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A Collection of Readings for Writers

A book that might be interesting, but could quite well be some devious shit. (The cover was beautiful, the first essay was somewhat interesting. - On keeping mentally alive - not sure about some of the metaphors... but thought the book could be something.)

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A page from: International Calligraphy Today 1982

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[Markings - Sacred Landscapes from the Air] Photographs by Marilyn Bridges

The Description for the image reads:

Overview, Uxmal, Yucatán, 1982

Most of the buildings at Uxmal were constructed between A.D. 600 and 900. The overview covers most of the excavated portion of the city, an area of approximately 312,000 square yards.

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A page from: Prehistoric Art - T.G.E Powell

Assuming Non-Malice and Deciphering Intent

A real quick sprint of a mini-rant before I shuttle myself off for social activities.

As an edgy little rat human, a creature who's diet is ironically inclined, a thing who revels in a joke never making sense and laughing at that [because so much of life and science is not making sense]: I care a lot about intent.

When many of the jokes you say are as a character, said flatly in your voice. Making a statement no sane or well adjusted human should ever say, the people who have context for me know to recognize it as a bit. The joke doesn't need to be funny, many jokes are not. But at worst it's recognized as an earnest flub.

On occasion the place my joke is coming from isn't as shored up as I thought it is. Often this happens around someone I can let those out around. The drafts often need editing. Those people I hold very dear. They assume I hold no real malice, or that I might be horrified at what my words may have implied. It's a balancing act.

On the other side of things, assuming non-malice does wonders for me. I get to give people loads of rope with which to hang themselves if they are wrong ("I'm not quite sure I see the humor in the joke. Would you care to explain it to me?" is often enough to decipher between someone who made a blunder and someone trying to disguise their bile as humor.)

Malice exists. But to better combat it I think it valuable to properly weed out the actually non-malicious. And as a bonus I find assuming non-malice and seeking clarity often gives the real freaks the chance to out themselves, while allowing most others a chance at redemption.

You can assume malice. It makes sense with enemies, but it does put strains on people who you would otherwise like.

Shit is complicated. Clarifying questions are in short supply these days.

Stay safe. Stay lovely.

Ben